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 Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17

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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Canada   Sat Jul 01, 2017 2:01 pm

nm131:  I wish I could write this well with a "tired plot."  Sometimes the best stories are those where we think we know the plot, but still read on to see what really happens.  You had me from the point at the beginning where they were separated.  Nothing good happens when they are separated...  The ending is what we all want.  Heyes and the Kid are together.

Cal:  Another dialogue only that works so well.  We all know the episode, and with your writing, know exactly where these scenes should go.  The confusion very evident in the conversations shows so much how they were affected by the situation.

sistergrace:  Again a lovely dialogue piece.  This one was so much fun, with all the Canadian facts, and the Kid so enamored with his Saskatoon Pie.  (We have a serviceberry tree, but the birds get the berries before we do.)  It's nice to have an upbeat piece, showing the boys having fun, as we know they know how to do...

Penski:  As I was researching Canada north of the U.S. Glacier National Park, I ran across Fort Whoop Up too.  It definitely sounded like somewhere the boys would enjoy.  I had thought to bring it into my story, but the boys decided they weren't actually going up into Canada in my story after all.  Hopefully they got there after all.  I liked the tone of your story, with all their shared history so evident, and so important to the end.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sat Jul 01, 2017 3:11 pm

Cal - I love to read your stories, they're such rollicking good reads, even when they turn serious. You have a gift for the banter we all so enjoy. I'm green with envy on how natural and witty you make dialogue, especially when as in this case it is a dialogue only story. This part 'wegian (Norwegian) reader can appreciate Kid's sudden fascination with ice as it is hot an sweltering outside where I am right now.

Sistergrace - I feel your pain for writing a dialogue only story and share your admiration for those who can do so seemingly with ease. Your offering was not so humble and pretty darn good. Not only did I enjoy it but I learned a lot. I'm ashamed to admit I thought the Confederation of Canada took place much earlier than it apparently did. The Kid's sarcasm was perfect. I had to look up saskatoon pie, it sounds like I'd like a piece. This reminded me why I feel such a draw to Kid Curry, I do appreciate a sarcastic comment and pie is my favorite dessert.

Penski - I always look forward to your stories, you include pretty original ocs and are well written gems that frequently gently suggest deeper meaning. You also write the partner with such ease between them that is borne from a long shared history and genuine affection that is understated but runs through your work. This one was no different with the inclusion of Grizzly George. And you actually set the story in Canada. A place naming challenged writer, me, looked at the map of Canada, and saw that there was a bonanza of wonderfully colorful or picturesque names, which I could't use this month, and you used two of them Moose Jaw and Fort Whoop Up. For Heyes and Curry, I think that fear of the dangers and possibility of having to go it alone are never very far from the surface of consciousness.[/color]
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sat Jul 01, 2017 9:18 pm

Cal that was an interesting and creative use of Canada. I like the whole idea of it being a missing seeing in filling in some of that traveling across the desert and their thoughts on how Amnesty just wasn't worth pile of salt compared to getting even with Bilson. Nicely done thank you for sharing

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sat Jul 01, 2017 9:57 pm

Sister Grace I enjoyed your running history about Canada, probably more than kid did. It was a fun use of the topic and I could so see their expressions actions and the dialogue just rolled perfectly with the great sarcasm. Thank you for sharing

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sat Jul 01, 2017 10:07 pm

Penski
Canada

I like the way grizzly George… Well you had grizzly George...is I do not care if you are Frank and Jesse James or Heyes and curry… Nice mix of history in fiction

(Nah, I’m my own best company.  Why, I talk to myself and have great discussions.  Read a lot, too.”
“I know somebody like that.”  The Kid smiled when he got a look from Heyes.)
Terrific piece of dialogue great characterization.

Awwww. What a sweet ending I wasn't expecting that. Well done well done

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sun Jul 02, 2017 6:40 am


1) Cac

I’m not entirely sure if Cac’s memory fragment was for polling or not – so erring on the side of safety. Loving a confident Kid having a smug and confident moment while some lucky gal called Canada watches.
(Never thought of Canada as being a given name – but love it)



2) Wichita

Ahah! Clever… our captor ain’t going to let them run to Canada.
Poor Heyes on silence. I do like competent antagonists though.

Ah, a storm is brewing, both literally and metaphorically in the band.

Burnt flesh? So was our villain actually struck by lightening? In either case, boys, ride, ride, ride…




3) Nebraska Wildfire

Poor boys, two stories running has them in oppressive heat! No wonder Kid fancies a little cooling off up North!

Awwww… North Montana in November. Has he got his cosy long johns on?

Shades of Treasure Island – the Indian will only take what he believes he is owed. Very nice tale, Nebraska.




4) Cornelia May


Our boys still trying to help the little Cheyenne girl? Although boys, I think the indigenous folk in Canada also got the rough end of the stick. Looks like she is getting better though.




5) Nm131

Oh dear, only one amnesty. I feel partner like sacrifice looming… And Heyes doesn’t even know yet. I must say, Kid would make a wonderful Canadian… vast open spaces, rugged check shirts… AH, but Heyes has saved up his winnings to move to Canada too. Enjoy it up there boys. Mind the bears.

Very well done, NM. It may be a well established plot line, but it’s the variations on the theme we love.


6) Cal


I guess Canada would sound real nice when you’re frying in the desert. Eating snow. Cutting ice. Bliss.
Clever use of the prompt.



7) Sistergrace


It is our bandanny winner!!! How are the boys enjoying their stay?


Dear Kid, loving the deadpan responses.

HEY - I was in Calgary seeing the preparation for Canada day. I saw no pie!!

Bless them! They turn around for pie. Tell them also to try the elk steak.




8) Penski


Here she is – certain as the sun – our VS mistress.

Chased into Canada by a posse, huh? They mentioned Moose Jaw – Huzzah.

Oh dear, poor George. (I still love bears though).

Aww boys. We know you love each other. Lovely Penski.






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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Fri Jul 07, 2017 12:46 pm

Penski - What a sad story, but somehow I think that Grizzly George would have been at peace with the ending that you wrote for him. I'm glad that George got to spend a little time with the fellas before meeting his maker. two thumbs

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sun Jul 16, 2017 9:42 pm

Maz crossing the border
OK that is just not fair. You use your evocative, creative, wonderful writing style to set up a perfect story and then leave us with that OMG cliffhanger. Maz?.... you are going to continue this please blimey

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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Crossing the border   Sun Jul 16, 2017 10:17 pm


Maz:  Such a great snipet, with a definite sense of action, movement, lighthearted ... until the twist!  More?

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PostSubject: Border   Tue Jul 18, 2017 7:39 am

Maz - Loved spending time with Kyle, on the look out for an outlaw Heyes... well I was enjoying it ...until blood-stained water was mentioned... I do hope you find a bit of time soon, to give us a peek into Kid's room... I'll go get the sofa scared MORE PLEASE!

NBW - Ogallala.... That's got to be a Welsh town name  Laughing Another look at the outlaw leader... Love these outlaw days tales... Excellent explanation as to why they felt they could let off some steam after a scare...fab scene setting.
“Oh for the love of…”.... Laughing  I'm seeing Pete giving this ....everything... hat acting at its finest!  Oh and now we've gone spooky... love the set up with Wheat and Kyle, perfect touch of comedy...and I'm loving the reveal... Puts a new spin on ...a little ol' lady from Boston..... Excellent story...May I say Penski-esc.... as it ties in so well to the series... Love it!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Wed Jul 19, 2017 5:05 pm

   
Cal:  Thanks for the kind comments!  Since I've not had the opportunity yet to visit Wales, I'll have to leave it to you, whether there is a town there named Ogallala.  :-)  There is however one in western Nebraska, close enough to Colorado and Wyoming that it seemed like a place the boys might have visited.  I needed a setting for my story, and I thought my home state needed more representation in ASJ than the one mention in the third season.  By the way, Ben is the only one I remember for certain as being able to pronounce Chadron correctly.  The name Ogallala comes from the Oglala tribe of the Lakota Sioux.
       
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Fri Jul 21, 2017 8:24 pm

Maz – Yay, the cats let you come out and play with us!  Oh, I love outlaw stories.  Great description of Kyle.  WHAT!?!   Shocked   That’s it?!?  Didn’t you forget the rest of the story?  You ARE planning to finish this, right?   yes  You can’t leave us and the KID like this.  Mew and Jem, go play so Maz can finish this story!
cattail   cattail


Nebraska Wildfire – So I had to google Ogallala.  Cute Main Street  barn (the livery kinda looks like this) and I love the statue of the cowboy on the horse at  boot  Hill.  It sounds like a freewheeling town  bandit   if the Devil’s Hole boys didn’t stand out.  Just when I was wondering if there was law, the Kid tells me so.     LOL… They’re not having the best of weeks, are they.  Oh, the gypsy fortuneteller is eerie!  Loving the Kid’s line - “Ma’am,” Curry began.  “We probably are beyond help.”  I like how she used their real names.  Very good challenge, Nebraska Wildfire!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sat Jul 22, 2017 2:01 pm

Thank you ladies for your lovely comments. I really enjoyed writing again.

Oh Nebraskawildfire..how did she know who they were? Did Kyle let anything slip or was it...spooky? I like this.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sun Jul 23, 2017 6:07 pm

Maz - What an energetic start and a good contrast between the attitudes of the DHG members and Heyes and then whammo the twist. Stories by you are always very welcome and this segment is begging for the whole story treatment. I'm begging, too! scared

Nebraska Wildfire - I really like outlaw day stories and this story has a lot of great elements - a frustrated Heyes, unruly gang members and cool but vulnerable Kid. The interaction with Wheat, Kyle and the gypsy was funny and on point while the gypsy, Heyes, and Kid was eerie and urgent. Nicely done. brb
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Mon Jul 24, 2017 8:44 pm

WichitaRed - Phew... The boys survived another month of your adventure! Really enjoyed the interaction between the Kid and Heyes. Love the dangerous Curry with the gang and Heyes' wittiness. Very good challenge. applause

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Mon Jul 24, 2017 8:57 pm

Nebraska wildfire
Crossing the border
Hey, I've actually been to Sydney Nebraska and had dinner at the supper club there, first time I ever had Rocky Mountain oysters.
You have some great character action description here. Really liking it. I find your inclusion of the gypsy wagons are you Nikki to that I have not read in the story. The full force of his intense personality… Wow, what an image that presents. Great job! This is a really great line has so much emotion to it so simply done.....Ma’am, I don’t know what kind of game you’re playin’, but this isn’t kind.” It was really a well-done story, I enjoyed it completely from start to riding off in the sunset. Thank you for the work and for sharing

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Mon Jul 24, 2017 10:05 pm

Aww, Wichita Red, I've had a rotten day and rotten week, and I was going to write a story giving the Kid a rotten week too (no more leisurely morning stretches), but I enjoyed your story so much that I don't have the heart. So much better to relax a bit and enjoy your story which really, really captured the mood of the best episodes: tension, drama, and then the boys come out on top at the end, each doing what they do best, with those wonderful laughs. That was wonderful thumbsup
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Tue Jul 25, 2017 10:33 am

Wichita Red - I'm running out of superlatives for your chapters of Destiny's Cycle. I liked how you got across the sheer joy of surviving, the relationship between HH and KC is, as always, a pleasure to read, and it was a delight to see the disagreement regarding the schoefield pop up again. Finally, it was great to read the authoritative Curry emerge while Heyes enjoys the show and exacts his brand of revenge.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sat Jul 29, 2017 2:05 pm

     
WichitaRed:  Oooo ... another chapter of your wonderful saga.  Again I love the sense of movement and action you have in these pieces.  My favorite part of this chapter is when the Kid insists that they go back to check on the others, and Heyes asks why.  I think that says so much about their personalities.  
 
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PostSubject: Crossing the Border   Mon Jul 31, 2017 3:25 am

Red - Cycle #11

OK ...been looking forward to this....Its chucking it down here in the UK... so I'm loving the rain descriptions and their exuberance at their miraculous escape. WOW full gallop, no reins and hands tied.... that's impressive riding. Ha... Heyes left the struggle to Kid.....brilliant thinking.  That's a stretch for me too Heyes... going back unarmed!
I think Heyes could have talked Kid out of that.... guess he really does like that old Schofield.  OOOh forget that... Kid's being....Kid! Cool.And Heyes doesn't mind playing along and enjoying it just a bit.... Loving this look at the harder edged outlaws inside them. Excellent chapter. I was seeing every minute of that adventure... brill.
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PostSubject: Crossing the Border   Mon Jul 31, 2017 3:33 pm



Cal:  I loved the sense of motion and inevitability of the train and its destiny.  I'm not a poet, so I envy that ability.

Cornelia May:  I like this view of Heyes, very vulnerable in his concern.  And what does he have planned next??
 
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Mon Jul 31, 2017 6:38 pm

Cal your poetry it was a unique piece I loved the flow and rhythm

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PostSubject: Crossing the border   Mon Jul 31, 2017 8:37 pm

 

cac:  Ah, cac, just under the wire ... over the border.
I read this piece, at first thinking, well, the Kid would not have killed, how can his son? As Heyes says at the end, though, yes, he had, and family was always very important to them.  This one took me out of my comfort zone a bit, but it very much works.  And to quote Heyes, as I did in the story I'm writing right now ...  "No matter how much we keep trying ..."
 
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Mon Jul 31, 2017 11:04 pm

NW: I’m glad you reacted that way, because yes, I think it is outside of Kid’s comfort zone as well. No parent wants to think their kid would do something that the parent finds reprehensible even if understandable, but then again, would Kid have had the self-control and gun skill at 16 with a girlfriend watching and an armed, threatening man leering to hold back as Kid does as an adult? But to kill a drunk man? Agh. I think it’s a valid question, and it’s why I have Kid lingering over the beer, struggling with this, while Heyes has already moved on to action. And of course they haven’t talked to Jed yet, but it’s not like they want to deal with a courtroom or judge. Parenting can be incredibly disconcerting!

Maz-I was all set with that perfect description of Kyle for it to be a humorous take on the topic…forgetting that you are MAZ and would never let the Kid off that easy ☺ Good grief, Kyle! You were supposed to warn the man! Great twist, Maz!

Nebraska- Very nice, subtle way of showing Wheat’s continual pushing-it-just-enough criticism of Heyes’ leadership. I like this line, just after Kid and Heyes’ continual efforts to be polite: “He turned and looked at the woman with the full force of his intense personality.” Yep. I can see that. And then this: “His eyes didn’t sparkle, but he half grinned that self-deprecating smile.” Yep again, can totally picture that. You caught the personality right on. I like too how you gave validity to her fortune by knowing their childhood names.

Both of you (Maz and NW): You both write such vivid descriptions of Heyes messing with his hat. It draws me into the scene very effectively-I can see it, and I immediately associate it with Heyes. AND you both have Kyle (Maz) and then Wheat (NW) hitching up their pants, something H&C rarely if ever are depicted doing. So interesting each character’s little habits as to what they do when they are thinking something through, or are a bit embarrassed.

Cal-You changed just enough to capture the West, the waiting outlaws. The suspense of not the mail arriving but of the robbery-what a great, slight, yet crucial twist. Kept the rhythm of the rails and the original tone. Nicely, nicely done ☺

Cornelia May-I like it when we see a vulnerable side of Heyes. I wonder what will happen next! Surely it won’t go as smoothly as Knight seems to expect….

Penski: ““You could’ve gotten yourself killed!” “Yeah, I guess so.  But when you’re my age, it just means it’ll happen sooner than later.  And that’s not necessarily a bad thing.” HA!! I was preparing to comment on how well you caught Otto’s personality, sort of reminds me of Seth, but I had to copy this great quote first!

I really like how Otto continually used the appearance of weakness as his major strength. Well done-I’d like to see more of him in some minor role again ☺

And WHAT? Just a savvy old man, or....? I like a touch of mystery!
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PostSubject: crossing the Border   Tue Aug 01, 2017 1:00 am

Nelia - Knights back.... and he seems genuinely concerned for the girl.  Love Heyes' attachment to his charge, and Kid's tolerance of it. There's still talk of shipping her East.... look forward to hearing more... I think Kid is going to have to keep a close eye on this situation,  Heyes seems a little distracted.

cac - Oh what an awful dilemma.  It's so much easier to stick to higher principals when trying to restrain yourself....but.... when its your child.  Can't imagine Kid being able to deal with this... he'd be what ...46ish... 50 tops.... dealing with a motherless sixteen.... who carries a gun! Thank goodness Heyes has stuck around to assist. Set off so many scenarios in my head ...the worst of which was attending a hanging....  scared grief... not before breakfast! Well done for being brave enough to pose it.

Penski - Otto and Wagner.... (I'm seeing the guys from Support your local Sheriff)... Love Otto's gaul to go in single handed... Guess if his money is in the mule wagon ...other precious stuff maybe there too.... he would be willing to throw caution to the wind.  Boy was he lucky to guys just happened to be there.  Fabulous twist right at the end.  Made me laugh... Guess knowing that ...he didn't have to pay them did he!  Excellent ...read loved the action.


And thanks for the feedback on the poem... but I don't deserve any plaudits for plagiarism .... if you know the original, you'll see why I don't deem it poll-able... it's nearly entirely a rip off! Of course W H Auden (1907-1973 ripped off Robert Louis Stevenson (1850-1894)... so just continuing the tradition lol. I loved the rhythm of the train in the Night Mail.... and trains are a thing AS&J made good use of.  Couldn't resist giving it a western twist.
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