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BeeJay
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PostSubject: Awestruck Comments   Sun Apr 22, 2012 10:28 am

Awestruck comments here

Do not put your comments under the stories. They belong here. I don't want to move a lot of comments so if I catch one in the wrong spot it just may end up deleted. Depends on my mood.Suspect


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Sun Apr 22, 2012 10:31 am

From Silverkelpie

Hi,

Are we posting the comments on the same thread as the stories now?

Max - Loved it, especially the line about being hungry enough to eat a horse. It's good to see Heyes meeting his match sometimes and that he can't fool everone all the time. Loved the 'oeufs de caille'. I bet you're only one who has such a classy take on the prompt.

GiddyUp - I think you do a really good job of capturing the relationship between father and son. I enjoyed your Easter story and the very special Easter eggs that turned up on the egg hunt. A very nice, seasonal read.

Frankie - I loved this, it was bittersweet and reflective all at once. It's amazing how simple things can really capture the memory. There were so many unanswered questions, such as how did Heyes get shot, and importantly, what happens next! The ending was lovely with the egg dripping through his hand, and the juxtaposition of their stoic exit from their sanctuary against the woman thinking that coyotes had been at the eggs was beautifully done.

RosieAnnie - The word challenge story was marvelous, espcially the ending where the lawyer is left thinking. 'Nah, she'd never do that, would she?' He obviously never watched RTDH or he'd be a whole lot more worried. The Monthly challenge story was also based on this, so no prizes on guessing what you've been watching recently. I really enjoyed how you fleshed out the episode with what promises to continue into another story. I really thought the marshal was onto Kid when he sat down, but I suppose seeing him eat muesli for breakfast threw him! That just wouldn't be Kid's normal breakfast choice, would it?
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Sun Apr 22, 2012 6:21 pm

Maz wrote:
Ah Cool Hand Curry..wonderful. Zee French it was, ow you say, perfect.

We enjoyed zis very much.

Bravo small furry one.
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Ghislaine Emrys
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Sun Apr 22, 2012 7:02 pm

RosieAnnie:

Den här berättelse tycker jag mycket om! Du har skrivit all persona mycket realistik, särskilt Kids känslor. Men jag vet inte att svenskorna användar ägg med deras kaffe. Kanske, jag tyckte mest om det här: “Mind if I join you, Mr. Jones?”  Kid minded, a lot, but he saw no way out of it.

Since you wrote partly in Swedish, I figured I should give my feedback in that language, too! sunny (I'll pm you the translation tomorrow--time for bed now!)

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Mon Apr 23, 2012 1:12 am

I still have to read through the rest of the story bunch but hearing that you had some Swedish in your story RosieAnnie caught my interest and I got ahead of myself.

I think the story was great! I can really imagine Kid being nervous about the Marshall and the stuff that was going on in the gang. For a moment there I was worried the Marshall might recognize Kid! It would be fun to read how Heyes reacted to Kid bringing a Marshall along! Great story!

If you don't mind, I could share some of my own thoughts on the Swedish writing in your story.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Mon Apr 23, 2012 1:53 pm

Ghislaine

Good use of history of the Rock Springs riot, you did an excellent job of conveying the feeling of foreboding that would have sat heavily on the town as folks worked themselves up to the attack.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Mon Apr 23, 2012 6:52 pm

GiddyUp: You pack a lot into this story! Very nice interaction between Jed and his children. You write Georgette in a real fun way--I like her larceny! I really like how you show all the little things that happen during the course of a few days--it's a snapshot of life with the Currys and their friends and relatives, and it's very sweet.

Silverkelpie: I'm trying to picture Curry and corned beef...nope, can't do it! But I do truly like the sentence: "Dear, God; it wasn’t bad enough that there was meat flying everywhere, we had to sit in it too!” And, sheesh: "There’s just the lack of a woman’s touch, that’s all.” Heyes arched his eyebrows.  “The house or the owner?” This story was sometimes a little convoluted for me--I shouldn't have read it at the end of a long day, but after rereading it, I got it. Love the last line!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Mon Apr 23, 2012 9:22 pm

I've got a little behind on account of RL and the move (learning my way around the new 'hideout' sunny ), so please forgive me if I miss anybody. It won't be on purpose!

ROSIEANNIE - I love the extra scenes to RTDH. Kid having to eat, and then ride with a federal marshal was great! For a while there, I thought he was going to be recognized. Now, I'm anxious to see how this ends!

GIDDYUP - This was a lovely story! I enjoyed the thought of the boys finally getting amnesty and getting to have a family. The egg hunt was sweet!

SILVERKELPIE - You immediately had my attention with that first line! I didn't know what to expect! The element of the photograph in the story reminded me Clem's use of a certain picture :) Nicely written!

GHIS - Nice storytelling from Heyes' POV. And the history behind it made it even more interesting. I enjoyed stories with ties to actual events and you did well with this one!

AKEAYS - With every new part of your epic, I'm disliking the law enforcement more and more! And with every new part, I think to myself, 'I hope this is the part where Heyes finally gets out'. Don't like seeing my favorite ex-outlaw in prison! ;)

CALICO - I laughed all the way through this! I didn't think Heyes would let someone get away with getting the best of him! I could picture them having to wash dishes to pay for dinner and it was hilarious! And I loved the twist of the egg-eating bet Laughing

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Mon Apr 23, 2012 9:25 pm

RosieAnnie: this one went in a different direction than I was expecting and I enjoyed the misdirection. Ingrid was a good distraction. I liked Kid's quick wits in his conversation with the sheriff.

GiddyUp: I enjoyed the peek into the Curry's Easter. You do family so well. I am looking forward to more.

Calico: Heyes outconned, no way! He does get his revenge, doesn't he?

Silverkelpie: I love a good Heyes plan. I've read about ghost photos. Interesting. I do wonder, though, what Seth was hiding. Maybe you'll give us some more.

Keays: very dark atmosphere. I like the character (or lack of) development of the warden.

Ghis: Great use of a historical event. What I loved was how you depicted the boys being racially profiled. The hostility was almost palpable.

Frankie: Your opening paragraph of Kid contemplating the egg was masterful. Is this a continuation of the story where Heyes threw himself in front of the sheriff to save him from being shot? It seems like it might be. I hope you continue it.

Thanks all, for a very enjoyable evening of reading!!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Tue Apr 24, 2012 9:44 am

Keays -- glad to see you're continuing to create your story. Always impressive.

Penski -- as usual you have the dialogue down so well. Love the idea of the nest egg they didn't have, and I've often wondered why South America instead of Australia myself. Like the references to the different Red Rocks. Great challenge story.


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Tue Apr 24, 2012 9:53 am

Calico - So glad you had time before the move to come out to play! And someone got one or two over Heyes for once. Kid seems to learn lessons of life a tad faster than Heyes, but then again, Heyes was so busy scheming. Loved -
Heyes: “Nah, it coulda been luck. Maybe. Besides, IF he was cheating, he soft soaped us to a table and took our money without us spotting a dang thing. I reckon us – US – bearing a grudge would be kinda…”
Curry: “Pots callin’ kettles?”


Ghislaine - A first-person Heyes story with real history intertwined - what's not to love! Living in the west where the transcontinental railroad began heading east I've seen and heard how deplorable the conditions and resentment were for the cheap Chinese laborers. One of the ways the Big Four (Crocker, Stanford, Hopkins, and Huntington - all from Sacramento, by the way) kept done the costs of the building of tracks, especially through the Sierras. And true to Kid's character wanting to help the 'underdog'. Wonderful story and history lesson!


Keays - Yep, Heyes is one hard egg to crack and the warden doesn't like egg in his face because of Heyes.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Tue Apr 24, 2012 10:18 am

Penski: Good question. Where did it all go? Just one more thing I have in common with Heyes! Fun story--thanks for coming out to play on your birthday!!!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Tue Apr 24, 2012 1:00 pm

InsideOutlaw - Wow! This was very powerful told from another perspective. Is kid there to 'fix' Heyes? It's very possible that nurturing someone else helped him to work through his own issues. Very thought provoking!

Frankie - This was a very reflective piece and the stillness exemplified the fear Kid felt for Heyes. It a was lovely read and it was great use of the prompt to use the egg as a brief respite from the worry and anxiety to look back to happier times. I loved the line, 'puddling the last hopes of a new life at his feet.'

RosieAnnie - Two takes on the episode in the monthly challenge and the word challenge!? You're too clever by half. I loved the word challenge and the way in which the lawyer is left with just a shred doubt at the end, but the reader is hit by just what she can be capable of.

In your 'Eggs' challenge, you managed to have another different take, and it great too. The doubts swirling around Kid's mind are wonderfully written and I really hope that you continue this. A trip with Kid and a marshal would be well worth reading.

GiddyUp - A fun family Easter with a twist. I wish I could wander about and find 'special' eggs like that. What a lovely family life you've created for Kid.

Max - So funny. I loved the way Heyes kept getting bested, but eventually found a way to outsmart everyone. Very original.

Penski- Goodness! I don't want to think about all the money I've wasted over the years either, and I don't think either of the boys has a fine collection of fripperies to show for it like I do either. I loved this take on the prompt and the references to the different jobs over the years. Do you think people are still diving in that lake looking for that safe?

Silverkelpie - There really is something about your stories that stands out. You certainly have your 'own voice' and all your short stories seem to have that Kelpie twist. I knew that Heyes would find a way to help out Clarence and Clara (great names by the way) but I didn't see Seth's secret past coming.

Ghislaine - I really enjoyed the perspective of the story being told from Heyes' point of view. The haggling over the price of dinner was captured well, but built up enough affection to make us, and Kid, really care what would happen to them once the trouble started brewing. So enjoyed the historical notes. They sent me off to read more so thanks for that as well as the great story


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Tue Apr 24, 2012 1:55 pm

PENSKI - Loved the figuring up of the money! I find myself wondering the same thing at times...
Nice conversational piece :)

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Tue Apr 24, 2012 2:52 pm

Frankie: My apologies. I took a little time and went back to look for the story I referenced in my comments last night and it was Frisco's.

That said, now I want more.... will you continue this story? It is very good.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Tue Apr 24, 2012 4:02 pm

Continuing to catch up with the eggs stories.

Hunkeydorey
- BTW, great new avatar. I appreciated Kid's explanation for taking Jess over the cliff with him. I was having a hard time believing that he would do that to a woman, regardless of the provocation. But I can see him hauling her over the edge with him if he believed that it would save her life. I must agree with Jessica's summation of the difference between a thief and a sadist, "Yeah? One hurts deliberately, the other doesn’t care.” The flash back scene was very disturbing. Nineteenth century attitudes about not interfereing in private, family matters were clearly written. Well written.

Frankie - I'm so very glad to see you writing in this neck of the woods again. Beautifully written scene. I could feel the frustration, the determination, and the fatigue. The shattered egg and the shattered hopes for a new and different life resonated perfectly.

RosieAnnie - I like this little tale. I sure hope that you continue it. You have introduced some wonderful characters and a very interesting scenario. I would love to see how it works out.

GiddyUp - I'm very glad to see you back and writing. This is a fun domestic scene. I liked the relationships you painted. Georgette's reaction to money and the jewels was very entertaining. Good story.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Tue Apr 24, 2012 6:09 pm

Trying to catch up with the April challenges . . . I'm not entirely sure where I left off on the old board. I hope I don't miss anyone!

Oh, CALICO: You don't let our boys get away with much, do you? That Heyes will never learn, will he? He needs to find himself a few new tricks. Thank goodness, they made friends with Pierre! Quail eggs - oui oui!

FRANKIE ASJ: Wow, a powerful scene in few words. I liked the way you showed Kid's thoughts, from childhood to the present moment, to reflection and resignation. Very moving.

GIDDY UP: I enjoyed this family piece very much. It was nice to see everyone in a happily-ever-after place, even though that Georgette is up to no good, still. You gave us some intimation, though, of conflict between Mark and Thomas, that might cause some problems later on. Well-rounded piece of family life, with a lot of depth and character development.

SILVERKELPIE: I was a little confused at first, but I quickly figured out what was going on. I love Heyes as an insurance adjuster worried about his suit! Preacher turns out to be only one of the "preachers" from Devil's Hole. Loved Clarence's line, "You can't trust anyone these days." Nope, sure can't!

GHISLAINE: This was a scary story. I know that there was violence against Chinese people, but I don't remember seeing a story where Our Boys almost got involved. I enjoyed Heyes' bargaining and how he played that game. And Kid, still a good guy at heart, will do what he can to make sure people don't get hurt, but practical enough to realize that, if the Chinese people go, there will be jobs available. (FYI, I'm currently reading Isabella Bird's account of travelling in China in 1898, and she hears "foreign devil" all the time.)

KEAYS: Oh boy, poor Heyes. Get him out of prison, will you? Please?

PENSKI: A little accounting can be depressing when all you're accounting for is what's gone, isn't it? I'd be depressed, too, if I were Kid!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Wed Apr 25, 2012 2:02 am

InsideOutlaw wrote:
Frankie: My apologies. I took a little time and went back to look for the story I referenced in my comments last night and it was Frisco's.

That said, now I want more.... will you continue this story? It is very good.

Phew - I was getting worried 'cos I couldn't think which story to which you were referring!!! Although I can't remember all the challenges I've written. Embarassed

I'm a little wary of continuing challenges - since the Outlaws that wouldn't Quit saga! I still haven't worked out how those two dead guys in my Hats challenge got hold of the boys' hats! confused

There's also a little story with a mean old bandit to finish - Kid's leg must have festered away and fallen off by now!! And Ms Penski is gonna send a lynching party after me if I don't finish it sometime!

Thanks for all the encouraging comments on my Egg challenge - it felt good to be riding with Kid and Heyes again- perhaps my injun will let me out to play more often! Rolling Eyes

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Wed Apr 25, 2012 4:59 am

FrankieASJ wrote:
Thanks for all the encouraging comments on my Egg challenge - it felt good to be riding with Kid and Heyes again- perhaps my injun will let me out to play more often! Rolling Eyes

Yup, I like me some Buck, too, but 'tis time to let the boy rest, Frankie -- at least a little bit. You're been at him for ages without a let-up, and he's a little tired. And speaking of certain stories to finish, been waitin' on one in particular myself...

Great to have you back in the ASJ written world. Please do stay a while! Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Wed Apr 25, 2012 8:56 am

There's also a little story with a mean old bandit to finish - Kid's leg must have festered away and fallen off by now!! And Ms Penski is gonna send a lynching party after me if I don't finish it sometime!

You're darn right, Frankie! Buyin' the rope in the next month or two! Suspect

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Wed Apr 25, 2012 12:57 pm

InsideOutlaw -- I'm sorry to hear about your Corgi -- Bode. I'm glad you found a "voice" to work through some of your feelings.

Onto your story. Again you did an excellent job of keeping my attention well telling the same event a third and fourth time -- indicating that you did a great job of different voices. It is also interesting that you used Lobo to explain the origin stories of the DHG. So his parents were Boomers, huh, not Sooners -- that would explain why they ended up with a piss-poor piece of land (hubby is an Okie). You did a good tie in to TDTHKC -- and explained why Lobo and the others didn't follow Wheat. Heyes -- you definitely changed voices here, this is a much more melancholy version. An interesting take on what caused Heyes to snap and why it took so long for him to recover. All together the four voices were excellent.
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PostSubject: Eggs   Wed Apr 25, 2012 7:55 pm

InsideOutlaw; Really good third story, and adding Lobo's thoughts on the incident was quite refreshing--he so rarely gets a say. Could really relate to Heyes talking about how healing Luce was healing him also cause I know exactly how he feels! Animals are such a blessing in our lives and bring us so much pleasure and support when we really need it!
I'm sending positive vibes to your corgi and I hope that all goes well there. It's amazing you could write a story at all with that sitting on top of you. Still, I can see how writing about Heyes and his cat could help you with dealing with your corgi. Thanks for writing it!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Wed Apr 25, 2012 8:42 pm

INSIDEOUTLAW - I enjoyed reading Lobo's POV. Haven't seen many stories written from that angle. And Heyes' POV I could really relate too. If anyone ever hurt my little kitties, I'd probably go crazy too ;) I understand the remorse and emotions he was experiencing also. All in all, very realistic!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Thu Apr 26, 2012 12:47 pm

Inside Outlaw - So glad you finished with this excellent story with Lobo's and Heyes' insight. Found it real interesting to hear about Lobo - don't hear much about him in fanfiction. You did a wonderful job keeping him a lone wolf and his interest being only himself. And Heyes... How difficult to go through all that again and alone. Personally, I think Kid would've been alright being there for Heyes, but can see Heyes not wanting to do that to him.

Favorite lines - It was during that time that I realized that my efforts to heal him were healing me, too. An animal has a way of giving you just what you need the most.

And sorry to hear about Bode. Not easy losing pets. My dogs have always been my kids since I couldn't have any. Thinking of you...

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Thu Apr 26, 2012 6:31 pm

Calico: Fun opening--great lines about developing discerning palates and Kid's blue suit. I knew there was going to be a catch to the bet but...your ending is better than what I was thinking--love it! Favorite line: “We used to rob banks, Heyes. Makes a difference to a man’s income.”

Keays: It was fun to read your snippet here and then the complete story on WetPaint. This was like a great teaser, making me eager to know the backstory to whatever happened in this scene. Thanks for posting the next chapter over there quickly, so I didn't have to wait long!

Penski: Very clever use of the prompt! I can certainly see Heyes doing it out of boredom but Kid's right, it would make them more depressed at the current circumstances. I wonder if they ever did reckon up how much money they'd stolen... Great lines: “Which Red Rock are you talkin’ about?” Kid chuckled. “There’s a few of ‘em around, ya know.”

InsideOutlaw: That was wonderful! Both POVs were really well done and stayed within character, I thought. I enjoyed Lobo's descriptions of Heyes very much, as well as Heyes discussing the kind of person he is. Lots of lovely lines--too many to quote here. I hope Bode is/will be okay.

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