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 Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17

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Calico

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Tue Aug 01, 2017 10:12 am



1) Maz

It is my occasional wine drinking buddy!! Did she have them cross our border and steal the crown jewels? Let’s see.


Oooohhh – a teaser!! Poor old Kid, what has she done to you this time? You tantalise us, Maz.


2) Nebraska Wildfire

Hello there Nebraska!!

I am loving the town name - Ogallala. A Sherriff who know them – pom, pom, pom. Bless! Kyle is getting a girl! (Loving that the gypsy could smell the blast powder.) Mood change! Wasn’t expecting a message from their parents. And their childhood names. Sniff. AH, play on words – the border to ‘the other side’. Clever! Very good take, Nebraska.



3) WichitaRed

Hi Red!
Loving the descriptive start. Adoring that HH doesn’t get his own wrists scratched! Our villain got struck by lightening? Wow. Dramatic irony.
Dear old Heyes, not to lift the wallet as well as his Schofield would be just plain wasteful, huh? Not sure Heyes wouldn’t have charged interest, Red, smile.
Clapping here! Very true to the boys.



4) Cal

GOSH – I would never have thought of that, but as soon as I saw the title I thought ‘of course’! You clever, clever clogs!

Consider me stomping feet in appreciation. What a good idea.


5) Cornelia May


Ah, good to know our young patient is on the mend. Is Heyes going to find parting just too hard?


6) cac

Oh dear! Is history going to repeat itself with young Jed being the wrong side of the law? Poor Kid. Still, I am keen to get them to Moose Jaw! (Who could resist such a name?)


7) Penski

As always, certain as the sun – rising in the east… Here she is.

So, who is this they’ve rescued? Name rings no bells with me, but what do I know?

Now, we have a tough, lovable guy with a false leg, who loves telling stories. Hmmmm? Smile.

To be Frank though, Penski – the boys got paid, so not sure it counts as a genuine ASJ story.



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Penski
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Tue Aug 01, 2017 8:03 pm

Cal – Oh, I’ve never heard of this poem or W H Auden. That’s really good! I read the original, too, to see where you changed it. Reads better when spoken aloud, I found. Very clever of you!

Cornelia May – Back to your saga. Dinner has arrived! You normally don’t see Heyes as the caretaker, unless, of course, it’s a hurt Kid. Knight’s back! Nice use of “crossing the border” with her health. She still has to go to school back east? Heyes answered just a little too soon? What’s he up to? Looking forward to the next installment.

Cac – Oh, oh, this doesn’t sound good. Like how you show us how many years have gone by with the graying beard and looking over the ranch. I remember Canada. That’s so sad! This is bad… really bad! That’s not very good what Jed did. Shame on him! But I can see a hot-tempered teen doing that. Heyes is taking control of the situation and coming up with a plan. And I can see parents defending their children and doing something extreme. Short but very well-written!


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Wed Aug 02, 2017 2:16 pm

Cornelia may. Like to see that you're continuing your story and so enjoy the sweet side, this loving side of the nature. Got a kick out of swilling down the coffee And going straight to sleep, somehow that seems like him

Cac. Nice use of descriptors to set your scene ...:where they are and what time of their life they're in. Your story though dark and a bit better, seemed very truthful to the characters and was well written

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Wed Aug 02, 2017 5:11 pm

Penski
The historian and Gunfighter in me went, "who hoo well done" when I read this line..... Heyes pulled his gun and added the sixth bullet.

You always have terrific dialogue. It flows easily and makes reading enjoyable. But, I also enjoy your descriptions too.  Superb....Heyes squinted in the sun as he smiled up at the man.

Hmmmm they do a good deed and, yet again, that leaves em wondering about their safety.  

Like the references to how important a partner is here and there in your tale.

As always quite wonderful

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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Crossing the Border and Up on the Roof   Wed Aug 02, 2017 7:14 pm

   
Penski: I liked how Otto kept the boys off balance (and me too!)  Overtime they thought they were in control, another twist showed up.  Lovely dialogue with them grousing with each other and under their breath with Otto.  I would have worried about getting paid too, with all the changes.

Wichita Red:  Destiny's Cycle #12   You've captured Heyes so well, annoyed, in control, wanting his own way, and worried about his boys, and the Kid patiently, or not so, suffering Heyes.  Such a fun read, with Wheat, Kyle, and all the boys putting in such colorful performances.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Thu Aug 03, 2017 4:00 pm

Cal
You're up on the roof story was great. I cannot even copy and paste any particular lines, because I love them all. Your descriptions, nuances, dialogue everything was so dead on awesome. Great start to what should be a really cool story. Man I love your descriptions in this. Great job

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sat Aug 05, 2017 3:21 pm

July Challenge Comments

Maz - Oh no! I certainly hope you have an August challenge planned so we can put our fears to rest and be assured that KC is really OKAY!


Nebraska Wildfire - I very much enjoyed your outlaw days tale with just the right amount of fortune telling and sentiment tossed into the mix. A nice blend and a fun read.


WichitaRed - I'm glad you made time to continued the saga, Wichita. Enjoyed reading about the boys out-running a twister!


Cal - I hadn't read this poem before, Cal. Thanks to you, I've checked it out. You did a nice job adapting it.


Cornelia May - Nice continuation and unique use of the prompt. Looking forward to next month's installment!


cac - Interesting and different. Conflicting emotions for both Kid and Heyes, knowing that Jed has killed a deputy. I'm wondering if it was self defense? I'm sure HH and KC will get to the truth of the matter.


Penski - Wonderful! I like your character, Otto, and the ending is just perfect! Great writing, Penski!

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PostSubject: up on the roof   Sun Aug 06, 2017 4:43 am

Hey... I'm glad I could introduce a few of you to Auden.... Here's a telling that gives you the wonderful rhythms.... from 1936!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmciuKsBOi0

Hope that link works.

On to August...

Red - Destiny Cycle #12!!!!! A whole year....WELL DONE... you were so quick off the blocks this month I have to say I read this on the fanfic site before I saw you'd posted it here.... ON the 1st no less! BAM INDEED That's speed writing at its best... and that exuberance comes across in the writing.... And they've made it back to Devils Hole.  Love that Ledford was carrying a Sharps.....1000m range and he can't see to the end of the barrel! Heyes firing into the air made me smile.... I could just see Wheat's face... And Kid's for that matter   Laughing  Laughing  Laughing nice to see the boys back in charge of their destiny again... Heyes asserting his leadership and Kid assuming the role of quiet dangerous lieutenant ....really enjoyed this romp through the West with two of the best.
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PostSubject: Up on the Roof   Mon Aug 07, 2017 2:20 pm

 
Cal:  This was a great start to the story.  You said so much with just the two of them arguing.  This line said it all:
"Kid’s face was stony.  If he had any arguments, they died on his tongue with that wince, just as Heyes’ had known they would."  The Kid was annoyed, angry even, but he'd do what was best for Heyes', even if he was tricked into it, since he never seems to have a problem keeping up with Heyes.
My favorite line, however is:  "Luckily for Heyes, his younger cousin had a way of staying calm and dealing with stuff, even when having obscenities hurled at him by a less than grateful partner."  Again that really describes their relationship.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Thu Aug 10, 2017 3:17 pm

Wichita Red - Glad to see that the boys made it back safely to Devil's Hole. LOL, the sentry look out. After all their adventures Heyes is no mood to be anything but in charge, with everyone knowing it - including Kid Curry. Loved it!.

Cal - At the heart of every good ASJ story is the relationship between Heyes and Curry and you illustrated it all throughout this story segment. Oh yeah, I'm wanting more.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sat Aug 19, 2017 9:48 am

WichitaRed – Wonderful descriptions as they finally arrive to Devil’s Hole.  Love that the Kid knows someone from the time they were separated.  Oh, a Sharps rifle – isn’t that a long range one for buffalo?  What’s gigging a horse?  That’s a new word for me.  I love Kyle’s lines, “Wheat in trouble? Ya only just got back.”  Heyes is mad – Wheat’s not gonna know what hit him.  LOL… More Kyle, “I ain’t seen ‘em run into nuthin’, he sure does well for a blind man.”  Okay, Heyes has the best line, “Damn mare twisted round faster than one of them Wichita Can Can dancers and before I could snag her up, she was down, and rolling in the water like a fat pig.”  Very good continuation of your saga!

applause

Cal – What a great beginning with Heyes hiding the sign and the Kid realizing something was amiss with the way his partner was acting.  I agree, Kid, is there such a thing?  Heyes sure knows how to work his partner with the perfect timing of a wince.  This is a great beginning to a story, Cal.  Can’t wait to read the rest… soon!

applause

nm131 – It’s amazing where you find inspiration for a story.  Terms… You know I love that story!  Took me a little bit to figure out your challenge, but it works beautifully.  I love the tenderness of the Kid to show Hannah where to escape from life for just a while (I escape into ASJ, but I suppose Hannah didn’t have that).  Wonderful descriptive writing – felt like I was on the roof with them.  I sure can see the Kid, the shiny knight, giving Inga his earnings then though I bet Heyes scoffed at him for it.  Love what he whispered in her ear and that she took it to heart.  Awww… she wants to help get the Kid out of prison and she’s talking to Heyes about it.  Excellent!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sat Aug 19, 2017 9:50 am

Sister Grace – Oh, I remember the he said, he said, she said story and discussing which may have been the most right. I laughed aloud this time, too, at the variation of the same story. Were they all three there? Sounds like different stories, except being on the roof and Christina having a baby. Thanks for the repost and laugh – I needed it!
lol2

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sat Aug 19, 2017 2:04 pm


nm131:    Such a sweet story.  We all know the Kid has a soft spot for the damsel in distress.  Nice to see a story where one made good, but is still thinking of him and willing to help.  Bittersweet that the Kid is where he is at this point.

sistergrace:  What a fun story.  The boys often have differing opinions but it was fun that Christina has her point of view too.  I could see Heyes wanting to finish the roof.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sat Aug 19, 2017 5:53 pm

I am glad that several of you caught the irony of him having a sharps rifle. Yes it is a distance rifle, probably good for lookout, if they could see. And, Penski, I grew up around here you guys would call gigging when you kick the horse quick and sharp

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sun Aug 20, 2017 9:27 am

sistergrace - I remember fondly the Sheridan Series of stories. I'm glad you posted this fun section, it does fit the prompt very well. LOL, how everyone remembers the past through their own biased lens.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sat Aug 26, 2017 7:35 am

Nm131
Interesting piece, the story flowed along beautifully…thank you for sharing.

SisterGrace
(“Sit down, before I shove you off this porch.” These words of wisdom were mumbled from beneath a black hat.

Caution, also born of experience, caused Jed Curry to sit,)….He sure is one to chastise another about pacing, considering all things. Good Piece. I must say, Jed’s memory sounds a bit more secure in its place, when it comes to the past. It was a charming tale, good tongue in cheek moments, thanks for sharing

Nebraska Wildfire
Like the little bit about hunger…that was well written, brought a grin to my face.
Great, great description of action and thought (Heyes’ eyes and mouth turned hard, but he also carefully got off his horse and knelt by the Kid, hands on his head. They heard rustling from the trees behind them. Heyes started to turn but met the Kid’s eyes and turned back to face forward.)
I like the way you did this description and dialogue, quite a bit actually, (Heyes smiled a crooked smile. “Most of it.” He looked the young man in the eyes. “We don’t mean you all any harm.” His eyes were flinty, but trying to be friendly)
Like Kid’s conversation with Teddie, it was a perfect fill in for Kid’s personality and to ease out of the story. And, that was a wonderful ending line….thanks for sharing.

MazMcCoy
Good follow up Maz….shout up Kid, your just hard on that man. Really like this discussion, it lines out Kid’s character so well. (“Or he did what Kid Curry does and got involved.” Heyes looked back at the wounded man, blond hair plastered by sweat to his forehead. “Yeah, he does tend to do that.” ) And the barb about Heyes coffee was good. Curious where this tale will go. Thanks for sharing.



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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sat Aug 26, 2017 1:37 pm

Nebraska Wildfire – I like the name Kendrick – sounds like a bounty hunter.  Cute how the Kid got info to escape.  Part of your story reminded me of the Bounty Hunter.  Not Kendrick but some younger folks?  (You’ll have to have Kendrick make an appearance in another story.)  These young folks sure don’t mess around.  Nice of Heyes to volunteer their services.  Too bad it’s not their favorite kind of work, but I’m having lovely visions of Wickenburg.  Okay, I didn’t see that coming.  How sad what happened.  No wonder they were so wary of friends to Blackburn.  I’m glad you had Heyes and Curry actually in control at the end.  The Kid’s talk to Teddie was very touching.  Very good read!


applause


Maz – You continued a challenge the next month?  Yay!  Okay, all you did was deepen the mystery.  You better be writing some more.  Shoo the cats away so you can type.  Loving these lines –
“Or he did what Kid Curry does and got involved.”
Heyes looked back at the wounded man, blond hair plastered by sweat to his forehead.  “Yeah, he does tend to do that.”
Wonderful challenge, but it’s not done!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sun Aug 27, 2017 4:54 pm

Nebraska Wildfire - Pretty intense children in a tension building plot written very descriptively. The reader could clearly picture the vulnerability of the kids masked by the hard bravado and Heyes' need to suss out what was driving the behavior. A sad mixture of the bitter (the parents fate), the sweet (Kid's perception and talk with the oldest son, and the resolution (Heyes' ultimate control of the situation).

Maz - I'm glad you continued last months challenge story even if you are ramping up my need for more. Preacher's line summed up so much is so little words “Or he did what Kid Curry does and got involved." as did Heyes' response. Your stories are always eagerly devoured, no matter how short.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Mon Aug 28, 2017 4:32 am

cac - Missing scenes are always good. This one I laughed and chuckled all the way through. The vision of how a 19th century western man would react to 21st century shore swimwear is priceless as is the picture of Kid in a speedo. Nice reference to the picture of Kid with all the saloon girls from the show's opening credits. Thanks for the story, I loved it (especially since my husband & I dock a boat in Longport, across the bay from Ocean City, NJ) sunny wheel lol2
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PostSubject: Up on the Roof   Mon Aug 28, 2017 7:10 pm


   
Maz:   You leave us up in the air still?  Not knowing what happened to leave the Kid in such a state?  Hopefully there is another continuation next month...
 
cac:   Such a fun story.  Taking the Kid out of his element, and yet he figures it out and lands on his feet again.  That is the Kid.  I spent a week at the Jersey Shore, not at Ocean City, but at Seaside Heights, with a condo full of Girl Scouts.  I would have loved to even have the Kid walk by, let alone take a picture (!!) with me.

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PostSubject: Up on the Roof   Mon Aug 28, 2017 7:25 pm

Thanks much for the comments on my story for this month. I wrote it after watching a western series that is much darker than ASJ. I wanted to see how that tone fit with our boys, and if I could write a story with more tension. What I posted is just a condensed snippet from a longer story, which ends lighter than it starts. I think our boys prefer happy endings, but maybe it's just me.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Tue Aug 29, 2017 6:43 pm

WichitaRed - I'm still chuckling at the idea of putting the man who can't see on guard duty. Another fun chapter, Wichita.


Cal - I'm liking this! I like the plan to NOT leave the guns on the roof. Scribble your notes and get writing, Cal, 'cause Heyes needs a doctor and we can't have our Kid goin' around nekkid, no-sir-ee!


nm131 - Your whole challenge is packed full of insightful lines! I'm definitely partial to the way you write Kid Curry, or even another character talking about him. I like Hannah/Inga too, and hope to read more about her in the future.


Nebraska Wildfire - Very nice challenge. I especially enjoyed the ending -- Curry sharing wisdom gained through life experience, and Heyes' encouragement to "have faith." Well written!


Maz - Oh Maz! This is very good. Boy, I sure hope you decide to continue this again in September 'cause I'm not sure I'd be able to wait much longer than that. (Nice little jab about Heyes' coffee too.)


cac - The Wickenburg episode ties in perfectly with this month's prompt, but what an interesting turn of events! This was a fun read.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Tue Aug 29, 2017 6:54 pm

cac - I love that scene from Wickenburg!  So Heyes is singing a Christmas song, minus a few words.  Loving the Kid's dream - what a culture shock for him and yet he quickly adapts.  And it's back to reality.  Cute challenge.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Tue Aug 29, 2017 10:08 pm

I obviously just spent the last week in Ocean City :) It struck me passing the Old-Timey Photos that the boys would think it crazy that anyone would choose to create a wanted poster for fun. And then on the beach, still thinking a little about ASJ, I thought of how crazy the clothes would seem to them. And I couldn't resist the speedo :)

WR: “Well, hello, Kid, long time no see.” Hehe!!
And hehe again! “Kyle put in, “I ain’t seen ‘em run into nuthin’, he sure does well for a blind man.” Oh Kyle.
And again! Wheat: “I see the problem now.”
I also want to see how Wheat gets everyone off the roof. Can't see that happening smoothly.
Delightful!

Cal: I want the story of leaving the guns on the hotel roof…..
I do think Heyes’ plan is best. They would look suspicious without their gun belts, just in how they carry themselves. But I sure get why Kid isn’t happy!

nm: Such a spot-on characterization of the Kid, as always. You really caught Hannah’s voice too-just the kind of girl to attract him, and it’s interesting how through him giving her another chance, she’s now able to give him a chance at another chance.

I like this story too because I think we’ve all had that sort of special moment with someone in our past, be it a boyfriend or just a good friend, a time that had that magic to it like being on the rooftop.

Nebraska: Ha! “Smart one.”
Great line: “His eyes were flinty, but trying to be friendly.”
I really like seeing how the somewhat grown kids are doing the best they can, to survive, to deal with these strangers, to be careful and yet kind, to use everything they have (including the help to fix the roof). To be wary, especially after the other old gang members had been there, but to still not want to repeat what they had to do unless they had to do it. What tension!

This is a nice story to read after nm’s story, with Kid talking to a hurting soul under the stars once again.

I’d like to read your fuller version.

Sister Grace: So fun! What a neat idea for a story!

Maz: I swear, if I’m ever stuck in a hospital for any length of time, I’m going to reread (with much pleasure!) all of your stories and mark on one of those body diagrams each and every wound poor Kid has suffered under your pen.

Preacher is always such an interesting character. So capable when not drunk. I like how he and Heyes both agree that it was either an accidental shooting or Kid getting involved-he's so insightful, and actually ahead of Heyes this time figuring out that it wasn't a planned ambush for the Kid.
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PostSubject: Up on the Roof   Thu Aug 31, 2017 5:04 am

nm131 - I'm Drifters era...love a bit of Carol King... Oh.. OK so I'm parking where Kid is ....and going where " it's peaceful as can be" and enjoy the reminiscing with Hannah... You paint lovely pictures of Kid in his White Knight persona... I think Hannah has her pink spectacles on ...but then who can blame her.  Excellent telling ...and I'll forgive the background of foreboding that left me a little unsettled. "I’m not alone. I’m lucky, I have Heyes."...lets hope he remembers that.

Sistergrace
- Loved this alternate universe remembering... I'm thinking Heyes' imagination would put a fine gloss on his version ...bringing out his genius and leadership qualities.... Christina would have been distracted surely... so I'm going with the Kid's version of events...lol... very ingenious! Enjoyed that.

NBW
- WOW - I feel like I just saw an AS&J film...never-mind a show from the series.... you packed so much in to a challenge... and yet I feel I know Kendrick... those young people... Their Pa even... and you got in some humour (Heyes finally admitting he needed to eat!) The interaction with the feral family was very well written... just enough tension... and the way the dynamics between the group subtly change over time was very telling of the boys characters... looking out for the family... I could see their faces when Teddie blurted “Pa was killed when some other boys he had rode with showed up.” ... must have explained everything right there.  I'm glad Teddie had someone like Kid around to talk to.... This going to continue?.... I think its excellent.

Maz
- Yeh! I remember the bloody water... (The Preacher sure is a shrewd character when not in drink... I'd love to find out more about his backstory).... You went and shot Kid...AGAIN...Maz... that bedding only made his waist huh... nice view then... OH...I'm supposed to be reading the story..... I need to know what happened too... but I totally appreciate Preachers rye humour...about what Kid Curry does.... and only room for one invalid....fab Maz...more please.

cac - OH cac you are spoiling us.... Kid in speedos! I got a great laugh out of this one...and yep...I needed it too...I've had a full on August with all the trimmings... new life...nearly lost someone... its been a roller-coaster... so this little scene from Wickenberg was just what I needed to put a daft grin on my face.... loved it... and brilliant use of inspiration from your visit to the coast. favourite line - It’s one thing for a man to visit a woman upstairs, but it’s another thing altogether for a man to be nearly naked with all these people! hahahahahaha!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   

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Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17
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