Alias Smith and Jones Writers

A forum devoted to writers of Alias Smith and Jones Fan Fiction
 
HomePortalGalleryFAQSearchRegisterLog in

Share | 
 

  Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
Go to page : Previous  1, 2, 3 ... 11, 12, 13
AuthorMessage
InsideOutlaw

avatar

Posts : 803
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 61
Location : Colorado

PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Thu Sep 05, 2013 7:11 am

Witchita Red: Excellent mood setting in this story. You roped me in from the very beginning and I'm looking forward to reading the rest. Doreen was a nicely realized character; I enjoyed her detached professionalism.
Back to top Go down
InsideOutlaw

avatar

Posts : 803
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 61
Location : Colorado

PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Thu Sep 05, 2013 7:17 am

Calico:What a sweet memory of childhood. It's the small things our parents teach us that stay with us forever.
Back to top Go down
InsideOutlaw

avatar

Posts : 803
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 61
Location : Colorado

PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Thu Sep 05, 2013 7:26 am

Penski: Talk about grumpy old men.  Silky stayed true to form to the bitter end.  Loved the information about Walter Brennan, he was a great actor.

So he set up those accounts in the First National Bank of Denver?  Sure hope that wasn't the $20,000 Butch Cassidy made off with in 1889! That could make for a great sequel to this one. The former most successful outlaws getting robbed by the presently most successful outlaw.


Last edited by InsideOutlaw on Thu Sep 05, 2013 7:48 am; edited 2 times in total
Back to top Go down
InsideOutlaw

avatar

Posts : 803
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 61
Location : Colorado

PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Thu Sep 05, 2013 7:40 am

Maz: I really should know better than to read one of your stories with a hot beverage in hand. You had me snorting my coffee repeatedly. Loved these lines the most:

“Please tell me you’re talkin’ about the bruise.”

and

“You thinking what I’m thinking?” Heyes asked.

“Does it involve a saloon gal and a lot of beer?”

“No.”

“Then I’m not thinkin’ what you’re thinkin’.”
Back to top Go down
InsideOutlaw

avatar

Posts : 803
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 61
Location : Colorado

PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Thu Sep 05, 2013 7:46 am

Sky: You skillfully plucked at our heartstrings with this one. This is also a nice break from the usual concept that they are all alone in the world. I hope you go on and tell the story of Alice Curry.
Back to top Go down
sistergrace

avatar

Posts : 504
Join date : 2012-04-22
Location : Devil's Hole

PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Fri Sep 06, 2013 11:26 am

Keays - This portion of your story has a very peaceful feel.  Not sad really, but more of a readiness to allow life to move on.  Anya is a pretty name for Heyes' daughter.  


Tashmina -  I very much enjoyed your use of the surroundings, smells, the fly who made a nuisance of himself, the worn spot on the carpet, to create an atmosphere of nervous anticipation.  Then, you shot the Kid?!  In your very first challenge?!  Thank goodness for your Hannibal Heyes plan ending! Wonderful!


ChristinaASJ -  I dearly love this sweet memory you've given Alice.  I really liked the theme of Grandmother's English "forget-me-not blue" being repeated in the china teacup, the doll's dress, and the Kid's eyes. Your use of past tense for telling the story contrasted beautifully with Alice's present tense memory sequence.  That technique is not only very interesting, but VERY effective!  It adds to your story, making it seem as if those memories are being re-created right now, before Alice's (and readers') eyes.  Favorite line:  "Forget?  Me?  Not likely!"  
 


InsideOutlaw -  I think the award for "Cutest New Avatar" should go to you!  Now, for story comments - Awww... What a lovely glimpse into the tender hearts of my two favorite hardened outlaws!  Well written, IO!  Clapping!


WichitaRed -  Your opening scene was so visual!  Gave me the feeling that I was seeing Heyes and Curry seated in some old movie theater, watching Attack of the Killer Tomatoes or something, the Kid totally engrossed, unable to tear his eyes from the screen, capable only of stuffing popcorn into his mouth and whispering idle threats to his babbling partner.  Very entertaining.  The change of mood for the next scene seemed to roll in like the fog.  Nicely done!  


Calico -  So glad your client cancelled giving Cally Coe a chance to play!  What a precious reminder of your wonderful characters from the Heyes and Curry, Early Days stories!  Oh... sniff!  Forget me knot!  How heart-rendingly sad!  Clapping through tears.


Penski -  Silky O'Sullivan is...!  Oh, Penski!  I'll bet Walter Brennan would be deeply touched by your lovely tribute.  You have written Silky, HH, and KC, beautifully in character.  I can definitely see Silky leaving some kind of legacy like this to the boys.  We will forget you NOT, Silky!


Maz (The artful wire-dodger) - Your dialog is so well done, like I'm listening to an episode.  I laughed all the way through this and loved it, especially the last line.  Imagine Hannibal Heyes getting lock-picking advice from a mule!  And the funniest part was when... No, maybe it was when Forget-Me-Not...  Or when Heyes... Or when the Kid was shaving... Or... Sheesh!  Too many funny parts to list!

skykomish -  Glad to see you back to writing, skykomish!  What a wonderful piece!  If I asked nicely, REALLY nicely, do you think I could persuade you to continue this challenge into a full-length story?  Ya think?  Huh, huh, huh?  Please?  Loved it!

_________________
Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   

Back to top Go down
 
Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 13 of 13Go to page : Previous  1, 2, 3 ... 11, 12, 13
 Similar topics
-
» Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014
» CollectA 2013 wishlist
» George Clooney Aficionados News May 5, 2013
» George Clooney Aficionados News May 11, 2013
» Deck for september 2013

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Alias Smith and Jones Writers  :: The Writing Spot :: The Story Challenge :: Awestruck Comments-
Jump to: