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  Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013

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RosieAnnie

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Mon Apr 01, 2013 4:49 pm

Two little lambs closed out March, with nary a "baa" between them.
Penski: Is that an average March for our boys? Sheesh! And to think I complained about shovelling 6 inches of snow! Heyes was close to hypothermia, probably in the early stages. Thank goodness Kid did what was necessary; well, until the pants part. I guess partnership only goes so far. Wonder what the ladies ex-outlaw appreciation society would have done? March 1 sounded a lot like March 31st, so Grandpa didn't know everything.
Remuda: I like the pun of the title, which I didn't get until reading your author's notes, but it sure fits. The boys' bank experience shows in the way they budget their funds. I can see why that bank was looking good! Kid has got to learn to pay attention to details! Fun character exposition and dialog. Sounds like an example of how a little research can lead to a realistic story.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Mon Apr 01, 2013 5:56 pm

Remuda: What an interesting story! I liked how you wrote them down and out but not so down or out that it got completely serious or maudlin. Because this line was great: "... Want me to do it again? That’ll keep ME entertained!” While reading, I thought you were totally inventing the military band and the shooting contest; to find out it was based on historical fact was illuminating and it made the story all the more enjoyable. Poor Kid--he knows it was the right thing to do to lose but it still gnaws at him. Well done!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Mon Apr 01, 2013 7:42 pm

Great story, Penski. I loved the twist at the end with the weather turning cold again.(Just like here!) “I ain’t helpin’ with your pants.” Uh huh, and how many voulnteers have you heard from, Penski? Poor Granpa Curry: he was right until he was wrong.


Remuda: I loved this, too. I knew it was Sousa! Well, heck, I googled him when I was still looking for something'March' to write about. I wasn't as clever as you in coming up with an idea involving him. The contest was super. I do like that Sousa won the contest, even if Kid did throw it.


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Tue Apr 02, 2013 7:14 am

CorneliaMay -- wow, that was quick with the very first story of the month. Lom better watch it on those April Fool's jokes -- I think if I were the boys I would have left him hurting a bunch. All the way from Texas to Wyoming for nothing more than Lom's entertainment -- the stinker.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Tue Apr 02, 2013 1:52 pm

writing I'll be "marching" around the March submissions, prowling so I can can try to catch up a bit on glowing comments 🌈
now that I've posted MY April Fool's gift to y'all. That kept me kinda busy so now I'm rewarding myself with some nice, coffee relaxing reading reading

Riders57 is up first...
What a nice way to start the challenge with a "back to the beginning" story for the guys!
You filled in some of the "missing" parts very well and wove details into your story from "snippets" we got in the TV series and made it believable.
Poor Kid, lowest man on the totem pole and so unsure of himself...awww
Wade Sawyer, huh?...hmm, methinks they will meet again ;-) Oh, after reading the ending, it explains a LOT of why Wade remembers them so well sm
Nice touch with Kid saving Big Jim, showing his loyalty but letting everyone know that Heyes is not forgotten either!
Loved it that the DHG was willing to back Kid up in going back for Heyes


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Tue Apr 02, 2013 2:32 pm

reading WichitaRed is next:
Welcome to the story challenge - awesome trackin' job - ya found it! thumbsup

You provided enough clues to identify the speaker...I had no problem figuring out who was who.
You also created just enough curiosity on my part to be intrigued by the identity of the late night serenader but not enough to be bothered by NOT knowing who it was by the end
Loved the bantering between Heyes and Kid and how they each tried to get the other one to take care of the problem.
The use of the marching song for the prompt worked nicely.
bal Fantastic first job...guess we won't be able to call ya a newbie anymore sm

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Tue Apr 02, 2013 2:45 pm

Maz gets to be next:

I always enjoy the childhood stories because we can pretty much have free range on what we create and this was no exception.
You gifted us with some very interesting characters as well as providing some insight into the boys as youngsters.
You included so many "little" details without them being so pointed that we couldn't use our imagination.
Loved Heyes' book choice at the end - smart enough to know that he'll never have to work in the garden again sm

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Tue Apr 02, 2013 3:06 pm

Beejay's turn:

Very Happy What a topsy-turvy story! I don't think there was a moment while reading through this that I did not have a grin on my face.
Being familiar with both stories, I was pretty much able to "keep up" with it, but I still went ahead and read your "notes" afterwards to make sure that I hadn't missed anything sm
Loved seeing Harry Briscoe as one of the attendees. He made a great Mad Hatter.
I was almost lured into thinking that you were going to have the "Society ladies" come to the tea when I first saw the reference to ladies joining them, but once we got into the descriptions and since there were only 4, and THEN they mentioned their names, I altered my thinking.
The description of the table and its contents was delightful. Sounded like a lovely presentation.
Loved the poker prize being a trip to Hadleyburg.
Perfect last line, too study sm



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PostSubject: Out like Lamb HA!   Tue Apr 02, 2013 3:31 pm

Hey Penski...
enjoyed your quick tale of the fickleness of Mother Nature - felt the irritation the boys were expressing at the end fully. Here it is the 2nd of April and I was knocking sleet off my truck this morning and sliding on the walk. So Heyes is correct bad folklore. And, Kid is right too he needs a heavier coat. I just finished reading To Light a Fire by Jack London this weekend and kept thinking about it as I was reading...thank goodness you are not as mean to the boys as London is to his characters. I really enjoyed this quick peek at the common side of their lives. Well Done!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Tue Apr 02, 2013 3:54 pm

InsideOutlaw is next:

Wow...this evoked so many emotions as I read through it.
Very interesting background story on that photo of the three of them.
So much was said in such a short space.
You took us through so much of their history with your descriptions and in such a manner that I had tears Sad running down my face by the time I reached the last line. (not afraid to admit it - ya got to me! and it was way earlier than the end, too!)
It was so sad and I was so disappointed to realize that in this story Heyes and Kid had never received the amnesty, nor did they eve get to live life as normal men. They gave up everything and really ended up with nothing.
Not that it matters, but I have my idea of who the narrator is, but I won't share it here. You made it work and this is the way you wrote it, that the identity didn't need to be revealed, it is not the important part of the story.
thankyou Wonderful job with letting your words coax us into "experiencing" the emotions of the storyteller as we listened to him...


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PostSubject: Trapshooting   Tue Apr 02, 2013 3:55 pm

Remuda,

That was fun. It felt like an episode. Which in my book is one of the truest compliments. You could see them working through the problems right down to the end when Heyes threw his arm about Kid's shoulder giving him the great finishing line of, "And yous is staying out of trouble." Great story - well done - Hurrah!

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PostSubject: Birthday   Tue Apr 02, 2013 4:07 pm

Keays

Huzzah -- well played Heyes. Even though the day didn't go as planned it all came out good in the end. Isn't that the way a Hannibal Heyes plan is supposed to run. Although I will say I felt a but mushy when Kid was speaking about the tik tock of time... Father Time is just a mean old man.... that is all I have to say about that. But I do also want to say I loved this line, Heyes snorted. “Could always be worse! I just hoped it'd be better. Especially by now.” Because is sums up so many of their adventures or would you call them catastrophes -- poor guys. Wonderfully done thanks for the tale

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Tue Apr 02, 2013 4:08 pm

Silverkelpie's turn:

Lol, I read your title and before starting your story (right after reading InsideOutlaw's) I was like "Oh, darn...I was hoping for a lighter mood) and then as I started reading, I breathed a sigh of relief... Very Happy

Lots of fun banter throughout, but this is one of my fav fav's:
Kid: “My mind wanders too. I just get on with it.”
Heyes stood and picked up his spade again. “Yeah, but yours is too weak to go very far,” he chuckled, dodging a shovelful of earth.

After reading the ending, I went back and read it through again because I wanted to "re-live" the fun reference remarks now that I know the reason for them to be digging sm
The "wake" and the characters associated with it were a great touch and fun as well. Kid's memory of Grampa Curry's tales was enjoyable as well.
The ending line by Kid was my #1 fav...just perfect! thumbsup

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Tue Apr 02, 2013 4:18 pm

still playing "catch-up" for March...

hannaheyes up to bat:


Really really fun read! Very Happy
I can just feel Heyes' frustration and chagrin at getting taken, especially by a female.
Loved how he resolved the problem and quenched his thirst for revenge sm Great Hannibal Heyes plan
and Kid...always there to back up his partner, even if he is rofl as he does it!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Tue Apr 02, 2013 5:02 pm

more March comments:

Calico gets a turn:
purr

The story started out so innocent Suspect as well as downright brrrrrrrr...but by the time it reached its conclusion that innocence had evaporated and it was plenty warm enough for me! sunny


lol2 I THINK you just maybe - might have - possibly topped Hannibal Heyes' most brilliant plan with this... congrats

I may never get the silly grin off my face at the visuals this conjured up in my imagination...ah, such a fun place at the moment Twisted Evil

I may also have a difficult time getting the mental image of all us wearing huge, scraggly, bushy beards outta my mind... Laughing

Kudos to you for creating such a wonderful story for us to "play" in
grouphug

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Tue Apr 02, 2013 5:20 pm

Marching onward...it is Keay's turn:

Don't ya just love it when a story writes itself? sm

This was so full of descriptions that tempted every one of my senses sunny I happen to be a very descriptive writer as well as a reader who enjoys losing myself in them, so this was definitely my cup of tea coffee

The fact that you were able to weave the tale of Kid's birthday getting celebrated in a cave and gift us with even the minute details is a testament to your creative ability to capture the whole scene, not just a quick "peek".

The background into the dismal weather conditions for Kid's birthday vs. the much better ones for Heyes' was a nice touch, as was the revelation of how Kid ended up with his belt buckle. thumbsup

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Wed Apr 03, 2013 7:32 am

Calico - Darn it! All the best jobs have already gone bath bath - that's what you get for being late at commenting. That'll teach me. I guess the only reward is this hilarious piece of nonsense - and that's just fine! Great fun.

Keays - This was beautiful descriptive language. I could hear the crackles of the fire and the smell of the horses in the cave. Wistful and bittersweet. I loved it, especially this line:“Could always be worse! I just hoped it'd be better. Especially by now.”

Penski - This is another one with really vivid descriptions painting a picture and chilling the reader to the bone as much as the boys. Great take on the prompt, and it was great to see the weather being predictably unpredictable in roaring back with another cold snap.

Remuda - Poor Kid. having to come second, beaten by Souza's expertize and by his need to remain incognito. My money is on the Kid if he really tried! Loved the historical connection.

April and people are posting already! Shocked

Cornelia May - Ooh, Lom's lucky not to get shot! What a stinker of a trick to play on the boys. Are you going to write their revenge now? They wouldn't let him away with that. draw

Maz - Wonderful take on the prompt! I started humming the tune in my head when I saw the prompt too. Great lines, very ASJ and has these great lines:
"A cowboy hat that sits at just the right angle
A job not-hard-on-the-back they hope to wrangle"


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Wed Apr 03, 2013 7:57 am

Penski - Very affective writing. I admired how you framed the main body of the story with the repeating description of the conditions. Weather certainly does change abruptly in the high country. Having encountered and treated hypothermia often in my white water days, I was impressed with your description of Heyes' condition before Curry got him to change clothes. Many people do not realize how deadly wet cotton can be in the cold. I enjoyed reading this one very much. reading

Remuda - You know these characters so well. Reading your dialogue early in the story was like seeing a new episode for the first time. Great job. The plot was very good, and somehow not what I expected. The optimism and willingness to make the best out of their circumstances that is so characteristic of Heyes and Curry in the series is well portrayed in your story. The bit at the end with John Phillip Sousa added historical veracity. Wonderful writing and great work with the characters. applause
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Wed Apr 03, 2013 8:45 am

Cornelia: Lom's a lucky man to still be drawing breath after that April Fool's joke! I hope the boys think of a suitable prank to pay him back.

Maz: Fun and clever tune. Lots of nice references to the episodes and the boys.
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PostSubject: April Joke   Thu Apr 04, 2013 2:51 am

Cornelia May

"Please tell me you're not going to prank Smith and Jones, they don't seem the type to take kindly to that sort of thing." -- oooh I so agree with Parker here. Although, I have to say, I wouldn't have minded being sitting on a park bench to watch Heyes storm out of Lom's office... he is so 'sigggghhh' when he has his angry face on.


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PostSubject: A little Ditty for April   Thu Apr 04, 2013 2:56 am

[b]MAZ

That was fun.
I even found the song on youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qO0Bn_H4C3M this link has a long enough musical interlude you can actually read your whole ditty before Billie starts singing. Kind of added to the whole ambiance of it.

Made me grin.
I always admire a person who can write stanza's
As I never could get the gista of it.
Well done Maz...well done.
sm

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Thu Apr 04, 2013 4:23 am

Calico - all the mysterious short bearded men? A haven for the ex-outlaws? I see lots of trouble for the boys and lots of fun for the ex-outlaw appreciation society. Wonderful and made me laugh

Keays - As others have said, you painted the picture so well with your words. Great evocative scene. Poor Kid having to spend his birthday like that but at least he got some great presents.

Penski - Oh, I hate the cold and I could feel it reading this story! Such extreme weather and you could see that Kid was pulling Heyes back from the brink of hypothermia. I hadn't heard the saying 'In like a lion, out like a lamb' but the weather never does what it's supposed to, and the story proves that so well.

Remuda - Poor Kid, he is so competitive and hates coming second - especially to a musician!? That made me laugh. This captured the way they have so many different skills and work as a team to survive really well.


April

Cornelia May
- ¡Tontos de abril! Lom making a fool of the boys is a very dangerous move. We all know that Heyes is not very forgiving. He will not like being an April Fish.

Maz- A clever reworking of the song. Just one thing? Who said a Brit was his favourite???? He might like a Latin Lady sm

Wichita Red - Oh! Kid will not like being distracted from those foolish things at all, and I think Kyle will get that chilling stare for quite a while for letting his mouth run away with him!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Thu Apr 04, 2013 12:57 pm

Cornelia May - Lom pulling an April Fool's joke like that seems a bit foolhardy, but great material for a follow up. I agree with the others that I'd like to see the revenge.

Maz - Yes, I thought of this song too, and I'm so glad you beat me to it because your version is way better than anything I could have done. applause

You caught me with the first verse:

An egg that stands on end and won’t fall over
The bust of Caesar that Big Mac fought over
A stage for Colorado springs
These foolish things
Remind me of you

Wichita Red - Foolish things! Fooling around things! Oh, I bet the Kid was mad at Kyle after that. I'd keep my head down if I were Kyle! prairiedog




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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Thu Apr 04, 2013 1:15 pm

Oh Cornelia how could Lom do that to the boys??? Shocked He's lucky Kid didn't shoot him.

Witchita...Can I play the part of Claudette? Can I huh? Can I? Very Happy

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Thu Apr 04, 2013 2:47 pm

Maz -- as others have said a great riff on the song. Lots of fun.

WitchitaRed -- I see you've caught the challenge bug. A cute story. I'm surprised the Kid didn't pound Kyle for that piece of idiocy.
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