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  Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013

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Cornelia May

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Thu Apr 04, 2013 3:01 pm

Thanks for the comments on this challenge; as for the boy getting some revenge... you'll just have to wait and see.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Thu Apr 04, 2013 3:15 pm

Riders
Going out of turn here (haven't even finished March comments), but just had to say this made me a bit sentimental for the Kill I used to know so well. Haven't thought about it in years; I guess Dutchy felt the same way. Of course, now I can relate more to the Runs, especially those of the Bull and Cub.

The story is great fun. I particularly liked the opening scene and the various hues of game Kid described. It seems when either of the guys gets really focused on something, nothing else matters. I felt most sorry for the bunkhouse gang, though; those directly responsible for the holes in the roof aren't going to be patching them, and it's pouring rain! Perhaps a river will run through it...Clapping!
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Penski
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Thu Apr 04, 2013 7:14 pm

Cornelia May - Oh, that wasn't so nice of Lom Trevors to do! There's tomfoolery, but that was just plain mean! Hope the boys return the "favor".

Maz - I never heard of that song, but your rendition has to be better - LOVED it! It's not easy to rhyme but you did it so smoothly that it sounds so natural.

Wichita Red - Oh the visions you gave me this morning as I pondered this story while resting on the bus! How cute of the Kid to be blushing after what they just did. And those foolish garter holders - who invented them anyways? LOVED Heyes coming in while tucking in his own shirt tails. I certainly would not want to be Kyle, taking the Kid from his can-can dancer. Thanks for the sorta risque tale.

Riders - Some great visuals here - "sticky, muddy sea" being one of them. I can so see Heyes engrossed in his book that he doesn't know what the Kid's doing or saying. A knife and a broken bottle because of "run" and "kill" - the boys sure were bored while it rained. I never knew all the different ways to say creek or stream. LOVED the ending with the Kid realizing they were fighting about foolish stuff and got Heyes that cup of coffee he wanted. Wonderful challenge!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Thu Apr 04, 2013 7:18 pm

Trying to stay current with this month's offerings. Now to pick up with March...

Cornelia May
Cute story and situation. I wouldn’t put it past Lom to want to pull a prank on them for April Fool’s, but this is downright cruel. However, revenge can be sweet, and swift, and methinks a Hannibal Heyes plan is in order. Lom needs a comeuppance. This story is begging to be continued (hint, hint…). Nicely done!

Maz
Wow, talk about an oldie but goodie! I had not heard the song in forever and had to find it online to reacquaint myself with the melody. You did a great job with your new lyrics -- thinking of the boys certainly sends our hearts a-reeling (or is that a-reelin’?) -- and I prefer them to the original. Well done!

Wichita Red
Nicely bawdy story – your mind is certainly busy in the middle of the night! Might I say I am slightly jealous of Claudette -- oui, oui! Methinks Monsieur Curry is going to have a word or two with Kyle, or worse, when they return to the Hole. Your story also engendered a little research. Associating can-can mostly with 1890s Paris, I found its origin was in 1830s Parisian working class music halls; thanks for that. Fun story!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Thu Apr 04, 2013 7:55 pm

Continuing with March...

Inside Outlaw
This is a gorgeously rendered piece – nicely written, constructed, and told. It is also ultimately sad, although it made the reminiscing partner no doubt smile. The story of the photograph is realistic, and leave it to Clem to have that light “touch.” There are many great lines, but a couple really stood out for me, for different reasons. First, “When had the march of time passed them by and left them standing in its shadows?” is lovely, evocative, and almost metaphorical. The second -- “They had never understood that history was often re-written and they had no place in it now.” -- is too true given the penchant these days for revisionist history (I will stay off the soapbox). Nicely done!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Thu Apr 04, 2013 8:15 pm

More March...

Silverkelpie

Gosh, SK, I was enjoying that immensely but had no idea where it was going…a septic tank, indeed – last thing I expected (okay, more research; hmm, the septic tank’s been around since about 1860 – who knew?). Felt sorry for the boys' digging wet dirt, kinda hard on the back, but a job is a job. How cute they got paid for…nothing – step aside and we’ll pay ya, boys. Wish it could always be that easy for them. Well done!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Fri Apr 05, 2013 11:27 am

Hi Remuda - BJ had exactly the same concerns so I did some more research. Septic tanks came to the USA in 1863. They were not common in ordinary houses but places like the Bidwell Mansion built 1868 and the Governor's Mansion In Sacramento built 1877 certainly had them.

Let's use poetic licence and say this was an expensive, forward-thinking church... sm

I've learned so much about sewage. Now I think I want to unlearn it! :eek:

http://www.sewerhistory.org/chronos/disposal.htm
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Fri Apr 05, 2013 12:19 pm

I finally got time to read - huzzah!

Riders57
Your story nearly gave me a headache as I pondered about 'kill' and from which dutch term it should possibly be derived from. I didn't know the term but a quick visit to Wikipedia I realized it's mainly used in the West. And I'm from the East. *g* I really enjoyed the story and thank you for educating me on my own language! Very Happy


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sistergrace

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Fri Apr 05, 2013 12:23 pm

Cornelia May - I think the boys let Lom off easy this time. He's lucky he didn't find himself looking down Curry's Colt, or picking himself up off the floor after a hook to the jaw from Heyes.

Maz - Those happen to be the same foolish things that make me smile. Thanks for reminding me so melodically!

WichitaRed - For the Kidettes, eh? Diet Coke? Vous have done a very nice job, Wichita. Deux thumbs up, from one of the Monsieur Curry-ettes. Oui! Oui!

riders57 - Very cute, and lots of fun to read. I especially enjoyed the closing lines. Foolish arguments... snicker.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Fri Apr 05, 2013 7:19 pm

Thanks, SK. I wasn't so much concerned as surprised; a septic tank really was the last thing I expected. Poetic license is fine. sm

Thanks as well for the link -- very interesting! I don't blame you one bit for wanting to unlearn some of it. Just the thought gives rise to wanting a shower.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Fri Apr 05, 2013 8:08 pm

Continuing with March...

Hanna Heyes
Ah, a Hannibal Heyes plan for revenge. The plot is fun; always love when the guys are bested by the distaff side. Also like the guys’ aliases – Newkirk and Higginbottom at your service, ma’am, even if we catch you in the commission of a crime, and marshals yet! The closing couplet is classic. Well done!


Calico
Oh my! (Blushing) I’m sure I recognized some…well, myself, and others…in there. How did the boys ever recognize us under the ZZ Top impersonations??!! We thought we had it all covered, too…Oh, Ms. Callie Coe, this is some seriously funny stuff. My sides hurt after, and I had to stop laughing before I could type again. This at first brought to mind Brimstone and all the interesting-looking “ladies” on the train. Ms. Callie Coe has hit the funny bone again! Very funnily and so well done! Hard clapping!
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Penski
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Fri Apr 05, 2013 9:10 pm

Sister Grace - This one struck home with probably more than just me. I could be Mary on any given day - tired, frustrated, feeling unappreciated, not comfortable in my own skin. Oh the foolish things that get into our heads! Lots of wonderful lines. Loved how Heyes, who usually loves to chat, knows to be quiet and let Victoria...Mary figure it out by herself. Great last line about being lost and pointed in the right direction.

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RosieAnnie

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Sat Apr 06, 2013 9:47 am

Cornelia May: Wow, I know men like practical jokes, but boy oh boy, this was kind of mean of Lom. Teasing the boys into coming to Wyoming, all the way from Texas? When I read this the second time, I thought this might be the beginning of a longer piece. Is it? It makes more sense to me if it is.

Maz: Nothing like a certain blue-eyed outlaw to inspire sweet poetry. It's true, our boys' lives are full of all sorts of foolish things. Otherwise, there'd be no fanfic, and where would we all be then?

WichitaRed: Yeah, you're probably pushing the PG-13 boundary there, but hey. I'm glad this dancer's name was Claudette, and not Michelle. I love how, even though our boys find themselves in such, ahem, "delicate" situations, they're still capable of blushing.

Riders 57: Nothing like a little perspective, is there? Getting up to get your friend a cup of coffee, even though he's not paying the sort of attention you deserve, doesn't seem like such a big deal. By the way, you remind me of all the "kill" or "kyl" towns in New York state, all inspired by the Dutch word for river. Peekskill, Schuykill, and so on.

SisterGrace: The straw that broke the camel's back, indeed. Sometimes we need to step away, and that's what teaches us to appreciate what we have. The description of the storm breaking as Mary approached the rail car is vivid. I love the dialogue between Mary and Joshua. Sweet vignette.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Sat Apr 06, 2013 10:32 am

SisterGrace -- a very nice vignette. You described Mary's thoughts and emotions quite well. Loved the names, as soon as I saw Victoria and Melbourne I realized why Sydney. LOL. Interesting that it was Heyes who provided the consideration/concern -- more often we give that role to the Kid. And I loved the description of that devilish Heyes' smile as a gambler's grin. In fact, I'd think the Kid would be getting jealous that you wrote a whole story without him.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Sat Apr 06, 2013 10:36 am

Radiogaga -- thanks for confirming that it is a Dutch term -- even if it's not one you'd use. I did a quick check in an English/Dutch dictionary and couldn't find the original word -- that's why I said "supposedly," but I never thought of checking Wikipedia. Glad you suggested it; checking it reminded me that "kill" isn't limited to the Hudson River Valley -- how could I forget the Schuykill? Also I found out to my amusement that Delaware has a river named the Murderkill River -- now that just seems to be naming overkill. sm


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Sat Apr 06, 2013 10:46 am

Oh, Riders, I love the comment about overkill! Was thankful I'd already set the glass down...

And Rosie Annie, thanks for the connection with the upstate towns. I'm more familiar with the Kill Van Kull and Arthur Kill than with all the others, but once getting to think about it, all those names make so much sense (especially Fishkill, which I really never associated with the "kill" but with the actual word, since it's occasionally in the news these days).
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Penski
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Sat Apr 06, 2013 12:06 pm

Someone pointed out to me that I'd forgotten to finish commenting for March. I appreciate them letting me know because I hate commenting on some and not ALL challenges. Thanks for the reminder!

Remuda - I think this is one of my favorites of your challenges. I love historical notes on stories and adding real folks to Heyes and the Kid's adventures. Like the bantering as they budget their money throughout the story. How much is two bits worth? I've heard that before but couldn't figure it out with the "money talk". So the Kid always has to lose on purpose so not to draw attention to themselves, but Heyes doesn't have to lost on purpose at the card tables? That's in a lot of fanfic, but it doesn't seem fair, huh? Heyes draws his own share of attention playing cards, so much in that the Kid has to draw and get him out of trouble. Great challenge and use of the prompt!

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InsideOutlaw

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Sat Apr 06, 2013 2:50 pm

Wichita Red:
What a hoot Claudette was! She certainly knows how to hold a man's attention and leave him wanting more. I'm truly amazed Heyes managed to get the Kid to go. Fun story!

Riders:
I could just picture the Kid sitting in the cabin thinking up colorful animals to prove that Heyes was ignoring him and, I got the feeling mid-way through, that Heyes knew exactly what was going on and he did it to needle his partner. They both got left out in the cold, though, with the silly argument their men were having. Ria, Kill, Rill, they deserve the cold water shower!

Sistergrace:
This was such a sad, but sweet story. Mary feeling as though she was disappearing in plain sight and Heyes's being kind enough and smart enough to know what she really wanted; then seeing her 'home'. Clapping with enthusiasm!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Sun Apr 07, 2013 10:46 am

Thanks to everyone for the lovely comments on my story.

Penski, interesting points you raise about why Kid seems never allowed to win a shooting contest while Heyes does at poker. My own thoughts go to the series, where Heyes asked Kid not to participate in the shooting contest, so there's precedent for it which seems to carry over in fan fic. As well, Heyes wins most of the time, and although I haven't gone through fifty episodes in my mind, the only time I recall Heyes' having to lose on purpose was in "Which Way to the OK Corral," when the boys got too much scrutiny from Earp and our dimpled fella was forced to let Doc Holliday win back what Heyes had previously won so the good dentist could save face and the boys could leave town quietly.

In the same vein, I think a poker player would engender less notoriety than a gunfighter, especially one as renowned as Kid Curry. Although it was never in the series, we take for granted in fan fic most of the time Kid wound up in dime novels. If Thaddeus Jones were to show off too much in the wrong place, the possible ensuing ballyhoo could blow their covers, thus endangering any chance of amnesty.

As for the "bits," one bit was one-eighth of a dollar, so two bits a quarter, and so on. The following link expands on the subject.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bit_%28money%29
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Kid4ever

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Sun Apr 07, 2013 11:55 am

Nice to see that I am not the only one playing catch-up with the March entries... reading

I see that Penski is up to bat and Remuda is on deck (just a bit of baseball talk, since Dodger Stadium in now up and running) :rainbow:

PENSKI: Your descriptive words evoked a shivering response despite our wonder California temps of 70- to 80 degrees...brrrrrrrrrrrrr

I really felt for both Heyes and Kid, having experienced hypothermia myself back in 1979 when I hit a tree while innertubing with my church youth group (and splitting my liver in half) I can identify with Heyes all too well. You did a very accurate job of describing his inablitlity to think or function normally.
You WANT to, but your brain simply cannot connect the dots. It IS a very sluggish feeling (as well as strange) and as soon as you get a thought...poof; it disappears as quickly as it arrived.

You nailed it with Heyes' feelings when you wrote that even though he was freezing, he was too cold to want to take things off. I remember thinking that I was never, ever going to get warm again as I waited to be airlifted by chopper to a hospital. After a while, you also get so disoriented you don't care anymore; almost like despair.

You captured that feeling very well. What Heyes would normally say and do couldn't happen because his brain was numb as well as his body and his great genius/creative abilities were "on hold."

Despite the chilly tones of the story, it warmed me up and made me grin when Kid told his partner he'd have to take care of his own pants... Very Happy

And darn that bad folklore! Sounds like the guys are in the same boat as a lot of the USA...spring can't come soon enough! thumbsup

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Kid4ever

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Sun Apr 07, 2013 12:18 pm

And now...the final entry for March:

REMUDA: It is soooo fun to learn something new and interesting and you definitely did not disappoint me with your tale. Very Happy Who knew someone like a musician could shoot that well? scratch

Wow...You painted a pretty grim situation for them, really had me feeling for them right off the bat - having to count 'change' to be able to buy bullets and supplies! No Their pickin's as well as their future looked pretty slim.

And with Heyes having to play blackjack penny ante poker...sigh, I agree with him - it's gonna take forever to get a good stake!!!!

Hmm, he sent Kid off on his own. One can only think of the possibilities that could happen with Kid looking for something to get into... Shocked

A shooting draw contest, huh? sm

Well, Thaddeus Hotchkiss (great alias) kinda convinced Heyes...all he needs now is a shotgun. Love Heyes' line about the cost of renting one is "highway robbery" sm

Awww, poor Kid Sad having to lose to "a musician!" But Heyes is right, he needed to PRETEND to lose. There IS a difference sm

And Kid is right (as far as I'm concerned anyway) sm He COULD have won it! thumbsup

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Sun Apr 07, 2013 1:05 pm

applause Yay...I finally caught up on March, so now on to the APRIL STORY CHALLENGE! reading

CORNELIA MAY: Gets the honor of being first this time.
Shocked Bad Lom!!! Mad "Hell hath no fury like an outlaw punked" draw Might be wise for our beloved sheriff to hide in his own jail or to take the first train outta Porterville at the least...

One of my fav lines (which Roger says in "The Long Chase") would apply here. Right after he finds out that Kid is not dead and Kid says he is going to be wanted for murder because he is going to strangle Harry (Briscoe) with his bare hands, Roger says "No, you're not, because I'm going to track him down, take him out into the desert, bury him up to his neck, lathen him with molasses and then rent a colony of ants."

Kinda sounds like poetic justice for what Lom did! Gettin' off pretty light, I'd say
Twisted Evil

Great job on the prompt thumbsup

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Sun Apr 07, 2013 6:50 pm

Finishing up March...

Keays

Wow, that was lovely! Finished reading and had to take a minute to reflect on the moment. This is quiet, serene. You’ve really put us in there with the boys, enjoying the flickering firelight dancing off the rocks, hearing the hissing and crackling of the fire – gorgeously descriptive language. Like the story, the gift was well thought out and appreciated. Not much else to say, except I enjoyed this a lot! Clapping!


Penski
So we go from Keays’ cozy fireside to a cold snow shelter. The narrative here is also well done, the cold palpable. I’m thankful I’ve never experienced frostbite, but from what I’ve read elsewhere, your descriptions were spot on. Lovely moments as Kid helped Heyes into dry clothing, but left the pants to him – cute! Well done!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Sun Apr 07, 2013 7:06 pm

All caught up...for the moment, anyway.

Grace
My first reaction to this story was, a Sister Grace story without Kid Curry? Can’t be! But, it is, and like it or not, he’s not missed (yes, it pains me to say that). You do Heyes so well. As well, Mary is well drawn, as is her situation. How mundane and rote everyday life can become. We all need adventures, and Mary’s showed in her choice of aliases – clever! Love that Sydney was worried about her. I have a feelin’ her little journey with a certain dark-haired fella is something she’ll cherish. Nicely written and realized. I think most of us can relate. Clapping!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013   Mon Apr 08, 2013 7:52 pm

OVERSPILL AREA...

Oh Remuda, I'm clapping very loud! applause Love the poem - very clever!

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