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 Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15

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Kid4ever

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Wed Oct 28, 2015 10:10 am

Enjoying a nice overcast California Wednesday morning of perusing this month's story challenges study and drinking some warm apple juice bottle

First up is:
Maz
Shocked Wow - an earthquake! I had to stop and think a moment scratch as I tried to figure out whether or not I've read about an earthquake in any other ASJ fanfiction and I think this may be a first.
Great descriptions of the damages. Having been in a few myself (although never in a saloon) you did a very nice job of getting them down.
Sad Oh nooooooooo...it's Kid who's trapped! No
But what's even WORSE, is that he gave the name "Curry" when the preacher asked him - yikes - I don't know which to worry about the most - Kid's condition or the fact that his identity might have been revealed - and with the sheriff standing right there, too!
Looking forward to hearing what happens next
 study

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Kid4ever

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Wed Oct 28, 2015 10:22 am

Next up in the "Moonlight" challenge is: InsideOutlaw
Great way to start the challenge; I could hear each outlaw's voice as they went through their part in the plan. sm

My fav lines were:


The two leaders walked in silence to their cabin.  Once inside, with the door closed, the Kid turned to Heyes.  “You really think this is gonna work?”

“No reason it won’t.  The boys know where they’re supposed to be and they understand the plan.  It’s simple enough a five-year old could execute it.”

“Yeah?  Well, last I looked, we didn’t have a five-year old, Heyes.”
lol2

Nice way to work Preacher's talents in to being an instrument of salvation. applause

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writing "My task, which I am trying to achieve is, by the power of the written word, to make you hear, to make you feel -- it is, before all, to make you see..." ~~ Joseph Conrad ~~ study
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Kid4ever

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Wed Oct 28, 2015 11:18 am

Our third challenge writer is: sistergrace

ghoulish  Oooohhh (or is that Aaauuuuuu?) wolf
Gypsies, a coyote howling, a mystery and a card reading blackjack ... Hmm, so far it seems you might be going for the "spooky" atmosphere in your story redbat I shall just have to wait and see...
Oh good, Lom and a nice nod to an ASJ episode; something normal.
Oops, looks like I spoke too soon! draw  scaredtodeath  minz  
Aw...poor Kid, sniff  Sad  But at least it was only a  Sleep
Interesting take on the prompt with a few twists to make it even more interesting and interest-holding.
I was wondering if anyone would reference Governor Moonlight, and you did, with some very good plot points.
Thanks for helping to satisfy my craving for a nice little Halloween tale carving
applause

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Kid4ever

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Wed Oct 28, 2015 11:38 am

Our 4th victim reaper ...um, I mean writer is: Alias Alice

Although not long in words, your choice for "Moonlight" is a very descriptive and emotional scene.
You've created a visual of something that a wistful Kid Curry recognizes and yearns for, but cannot have in the present circumstances.  No
With his attempt at optimism for the future, you leave us wondering as well   confused
Nice use of imagery to draw the reader in  applause  

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Kid4ever

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Wed Oct 28, 2015 1:02 pm

Going by the title of our "5th Victim's (pun intended) submission, ty pender's "Moonlight, An ASJ Bedtime Story," I'm not sure what to expect huh

And now I'm also in a quandary. cattail Since it IS a "bedtime story"  Sleep and since it is only noon sunny here in CA... Should I save it to read tonight when it's dark and I'm enjoying a nice cup of hot cocoa? coffee

Or...should I defy the time lords and read it anyway? Twisted Evil yes thumbsup  

It looks like the yea's have it so I shall just have to suffer the consequences of defiance  minz  jail (If it gets too bad, I guess I can always hide) bottle   scared

Okay...reading reading

Very Happy Laughing lol2 panda yes applause  2thumbs

I'm glad I didn't wait; I'd have been up for hours still rofl like a silly goat! Laughing

Diversity. That's what makes these story challenges so much fun to read. You never know what you're gonna find cool

I like the play on names as well as the new presentation of the early life of "Kid" Curry and how "Haze" found him. It almost brought a tear to my eye Sad

The questions posed to the reader interspersed within the regular text added another fun dimension to the tale.

I may NEVER get over the goat videos. At least for a while, anyways... spider 13smilie

two thumbs Very entertaining and creative. I shall end my review with a cry for more of the saga of "Haze & Kid" Encore! cowboyclap

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sistergrace

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Thu Oct 29, 2015 4:44 pm

Alias Alice - I enjoyed the beatiful pictures this descriptive piece conjured up in my mind.  I especially liked the line:  "Always outside looking in."  Your challenge may be short, but it is definitely NOT short on content!  Well done!

ty pender - What a precious Kid and Haze tale!  Perhaps you should consider writing children's books, Ty.  My new favorite challenge from you.  Clapping!

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Maz

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Thu Oct 29, 2015 4:55 pm

I am apologising to you all for not getting to this months stories yet. I've had a head full of cold germs and they refuse to concentrate on anything apart from making phlegm...but you probably didn't need to know that right?

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InsideOutlaw

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Sat Oct 31, 2015 6:32 pm

Sistergrace: You wrote such a strong opening setting the scene so well and drawing the reader in. But....then you shocked me! Thank goodness it wasn't what it seemed (can you tell I'm trying to avoid a spoiler?)

Alias Alice: This short story was long on feeling. How sad to be on the outside wishing you were inside and realizing the things you want may just be beyond your reach. Nicely done.

Ty: Hahaha, who but you would've thought of Haze and the Kid! Too funny and so original.

MoulinP:Welcome to the challenge and kudos for jumping right in. I liked how you cut from one partner to the other giving us insights into what they were each thinking. I could easily visualize a filthy, sore Heyes stumbling into camp and the Kid forgetting all of his irritation at the sight of him. I'll look forward to more from you.

Skyomish: I'm so glad you're continuing this story. It's beautifully written and authentic in depicting the difficulties Heyes would have to overcome when re-uniting with his brother. The scene with Jimmy was very poignant.


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