Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15

Yes, this is a continuation of Freedom of the Press, and all those characters are revisited.

A grand climax is coming!

Regards.

Inside Outlaw I agree with Penski - you put us right into the scene. I admire how you enhance the dialogue by underscoring what is said by contrasting/underscoring with what is seen.

The opening paragraph:
'raise two bits' / scarred, wooden table ; few coins paltry ante ; clatter of glasses cutting through smoky crowded saloon
(sets the scene quickly)

second paragraph
'fold' / put cards down; leaned back; watch hand play out
(obviously the Kid is relaxed about what is going on so we know ahead of time Heyes will win)

third paragraph
'I'm done / uncomfortable chuckle from the fourth player, young cowboy
(the protagonist is established - and he is insecure)

fourth paragraph
'I'll see that two bits and raise a dollar' / cowboy clutching his cards; only lifeline; scowling at Heyes; ignoring Curry's benign stare
(ignoring because he is insecure and it would make him more uncomfortable to dwell on the Kid's stare - this increases dramatic tension)

fifth and sixth paragraphs
'Call' and 'I got me a straight' / grinning from ear to ear; doubled a month's pay; already dreaming
(more dramatic tension - he is going to lose a months pay; he's [very] excited

seventh, eighth and ninth
'full house, jacks and eights' and xxxxx' / Heyes smiles blandly; Curry rises; boy reaches for gun; hand snakes out; sheriff deftly handcuffs; no one had seen

Inside Outlaw, you get the picture. Although at the end of paragraph eleven "Warm blue eyes and tin star turned to the ex-outlaws" is confusing because I associated blue eyes with the kid...

So... question. Did you build your story this way? Your development certainly enriches the dialogue and dramatic tension.

Regards.

Thanks for your kind words, Ty.  

Yes, I rely on visualization when I write so I always try to 'paint a picture' of my stories.  With this tale, I knew I needed an event that would set up the meeting with Cord, but I imagined the town as a dead end spot for the sheriff.  Somewhere that would be big enough to have a sheriff (hence a crowded saloon) but down at the heels (the paltry stakes and less challenging gamblers).

Penski:  you captured the struggle between man and beast so well.  Poor Kid was victimized by two rogues--the horse and his partner. Good use of the prompt. I can't think of anything harder on the back than busting a bronc!!

RosieAnnie - I love missing scenes and often wondered how they got into town and got a new start in life. You answered all the questions very well. Enjoyed Martha and John, missionaries to save wandering souls. The last lines were very sober with Kid's line and Heyes' look.

“Yes,” Curry said. “There is something I want to do. Guess now I can. Right, Joshua?”

Heyes only smiled weakly. He knew what Curry planned for Danny Bilson. There'd be no stopping him now.

Kid's on a mission and Heyes knows there is no stopping him. Wonderful challenge!

1) Ty pender
Ah! It is our illustrated monthly – smile.
Lloyd – don’t take the gambling machines! All those tinny musical effects will leech the atmosphere from your place.
Of course the boys always replenish their saddlebags via catalogue shopping.
Steps away from heap of Curryettes who fainted hearing Kid wore no underwear.
Oh, I like the threats being issued to our boys in the form of a song. Nice and subtle – and nothing that would stand up in a court of law.
And another job looms for Heyes and Curry – sheesh, a law-abiding ex-outlaw’s work is never done, huh?

2) InsideOutlaw

Oooh, clever competent sheriff alert!! And he’s picked up that the boys have heard of him. Careful, boys…
I like this Inside, are a few chickens coming home to roost?
Poor deputy getting tarred.
And this guy lost his family and took to drink.
Careful with the guilt pangs Heyes.
Loving the irony of Cord saying how easy it is for the boys to disappear in these parts.
Well, I’m liking Heyes’ lines that you can only change future behaviour… I’ll be honest I’m not so sure about ‘keep on helping folks as best they can. It’s the least we can do’ I think our dear old silver-tongue is upgrading his post going straight level of altruism a tad there. Still, Heyes does talk things up!
Loved that tale, Inside – you knew I would, huh?

3) Penski

It’s a horse isn’t it, you clever wily with words one?
Love Kid’s line about him doing the work while Heyes does the watching.
Oh, Kid – you didn’t let HH flip again did you?
Lovely vignette, Penski.

4) RosieAnnie
Oh, a missing scene. Always interesting – slurps tea.
And we start by getting the boys good and wet, always a winner.
(I know I’ve said it before, but it always gets me in Westerns when a fella throws away an empty canteen in despair. Keep the canteens!)
Loving the line about having to switch jobs on the thinking.
Another time where Heyes avoids saying Smith and Jones! Methinks Curry’s gonna need a new alias.
They met Danny too? What did he do? What did he do?
You got some good curiousity building writing going here, Rosie.
Clapping hard.

5) Calico
Who let that dang cat in?

Calico, now I'm confused.

Steps away from heap of Curryettes who fainted hearing Kid wore no underwear.

Does Curry spend a lazy afternoon in bed shopping for the perfect underwear, while Heyes needn't bother since he doesn't (need to) wear any?

Let me know...

BTW: It must be really hard on the back shopping for underwear in bed, almost as hard as carrying drinks up to the hotel room in a fancy liquor caddy. SNERT

Ty Pender - The pictures and added to my enjoyment of your story.  You managed to pack lots of "hard on the back" references into this chapter of your story.  Heyes' final reference was my favorite.

InsideOutlaw - Well written, I.O!  You conveyed very effectively that Heyes & Curry's pursuit of amnesty is no longer just the solution to their troubles, but instead real change is beginning to take place inside them.  Good reflection for the guys.
Favorite lines:  Heyes was all smiles and congeniality.  Curry less so.
And:  And if we don't get it?
Then Joshua Smith and Thaddeus Jones keep on helping folks as best they can.
Great Story!

Penski - Poor Kid!  I think he ought to put a hole through Heyes' dang coin. Good challenge.  


RosieAnnie - If I began repeating all my favorite lines here, I'd probably end up copying and pasting the whole thing!  Let me just say, this was wonderful, from start to finish!  Very well done!


Calico - Delightful, and really, really funny!  Wonderful lines (especially the ones that got back-spaced out).  Thanks for the smile and the chuckle.

Frankie - Early on I caught the direction your challenge appeared to be taking, you cheeky gal!  The closing line was priceless! Getting my bid in first for the purchase of this "life art" painting!

I really enjoyed reading every single one of the stories this month!

Ty Pender -- You managed to spread this month's theme all over the latest installment of your continuing story! I enjoyed all the pictures you added, too. It was a real history lesson and helped me visualize the scenes that much better.

Question: Wouldn't that "athletic supporter" be a tad uncomfortable? I am not a guy, but somewhat familiar with male anatomy and it just doesn't look like the right, um, shape...

Oh, and to explain why none of the rest of us were confused about IO's reference to "warm blue eyes," remember, the Kid's eyes may be blue, but they seem always to be "icy," "glacial," "steely," etc.

;)

Inside Outlaw -- Oh, so nice and angsty! The boys are feeling guilty here and for good reason. (But really, Cord, man up! Not fair to blame our boys for your own self-destruction!) You've showed how the reformed outlaws are evolving and becoming better men, which I think was an important theme of the original series. Even though HH & KC are sometimes selfish, they really do end up doing lots of good deeds.


Penski -- Oh, poor Kid! Lost the coin toss again! When will he ever learn? Even though he was a little worse for wear, your story conjured up some nice images of Kid Curry looking pretty bad-ass whilst breaking that horse... Definitely hard on the back...


RosieAnnie -- Really enjoyed your missing scene from one of my favorite eps! I liked the Barneses and it makes sense that Heyes and Curry had some help getting out of that desert. (And I agree: KEEP THE DANG CANTEENS!)

I thought it was interesting that while Mr. & Mrs. Barnes were quoting Bible verses, Kid was probably only thinking of one part of the Good Book: that verse about an "eye for an eye"!


Calico -- I am still smiling at your story. It was absolutely hi-larious. No one can write ff like you! I bow to your wit! In fact, I was all set to vote for you until I read...


Frankie -- Thank you for making my evening. Cleverly written and delightful visuals...!

6) Frankie
Run, Kid! Pick up your badger hair brushes and run like the wind!
Snirt! So he’s being painted??! Clever.
“I’ll be painting you nekkid, Mister Jones?”
“Nekkid?!!”
“Well, I keep my ankle socks on – have to have somewhere to keep my pallet knife.”
And she’s not concentrating on his face, huh? Double snirt.
Warm applause for this month’s wire dodge.

For November.

Ty Pender: I do love how you wove all the illustrations and the challenge phrase throughout the story. I had fun imagining the two gang members singing at the bar. I compared that favorably to Michelle Monet's singing in Mexico.

Inside Outlaw: SO glad I didn't read any of the challenge stories until after I finished my own! All I can say is, great minds think alike. Maybe we are both a little weary of how the boys defend the Smith and Jones aliases. Anyway, I am a definite fan of how this story illustrates the character change that chasing amnesty has wrought in Heyes and Curry. More and more, they are good men instead of pretty good bad men.

Penski: Dang coin toss indeed! I love the image of Heyes slapping the dirt out of Curry's hat and then putting in back on Curry's head.

Calico: Maybe my favorite part of this is Curry saying "that's my gal" with two entirely different inflections. Sure wish I could be on a fly on the wall during the Cat and Mistress Maz story conference.

Frankie ASJ: What an original concept! I love the once-over she gives him: "you'll do just fine" and her smile. Every Kidette in the world envies her.

I have to read everyone I know but I had to say this....OMG Miss Frankie what is she painting??
And just what do you intend he removes when he rides back tomorrow?

Loved it

It's feels good to be back in the saddle - even if it's only brief!  I am actually busy painting - although my studio is so blooming cold there's no way I'd get Kid's shirt off in there! Had so many more ideas for the story but just not a lot of writing time - had lots more lovely descriptions!

As for my fellow challenge accepted compatriots - good job!

Ty - I'm a little behind with my reading and haven't read the other installments of this story but did love the imagery - pictorial and written.

IO - Love the concept of this story.  I often feel a need to address this conflict of character - they did bad things but we all love them.  Think you wove a wonderful tale which I thoroughly enjoyed.

Penski - A bucking bronco.  That's gonna hurt. Of course Heyes has the better end of the deal with that pesky coin! Another good read.

Rosie - So much buried emotion in the Danny saga.  You did a great job of giving us an inner glimpse. Darn - another good one!  No yellow bandanny for me this month I fear!  

Calico - Let's hope you win the bandanny so you can cover your mouth so you don't inhale the fluffy fur which may fly when you and Maz collide! Highly amusing and entertaining read - why am I not surprised?! Top job - as usual.  

Calico - I can't wait to read a VS story from Calico and Maz - should be an interesting one, to say the least.  Love so many lines, but these few really made me laugh.
“That’s ‘cos you’d just been given an out of character line of dialogue to make me look good, Kid. Maz don’t like that.”

“That’s my gal!” beams Curry.

“And she thinks you always ought to get injured.”

“That’s my gal,” sighs Curry.

“Of course, Calico can get proddy too.”

[Heyes was of course wrong about this, but the deadline loomed so his errant line survived. There were, however, no examples given of Calico’s alleged proddiness, since none existed!]

Very fun VS, I mean, challenge, Calico!



Frankie - What?  Frankie wrote a challenge?  And what did the queen of angst write?  Poor Kid is agonizing as he sits still for hours with no shirt on.  Most kids can't sit still for even a few minutes.  THE Kid seemed to take it all in stride having his portrait done.  Thankfully this particular artist doesn't paint distinctive faces on her bodies.  Love it!

Aww - sorry gals - tried to post a pic of one of my drawings which inspired my story but couldn't get it to work!
I guess you'll just have to keep using your imaginations!

RosieAnnie: Very good missing scene and you set the mood perfectly. I loved how once the boys had water and their immediate problem had been solved, they started bickering with each other. Smart of the Kid to know when to stay put. He's good at biding his time and Danny Bilson is about to find that out the hard way.

Calico: You and Miz Maz collaborating on a VS episode? I'm a little concerned for our two heroes. What dastardly deeds are you both planning?

Frankie: Kid Curry, body model? No wonder you've been consumed with painting! Poor Kid, even when Heyes isn't trying to pull one over on him, he still gets the rougher job.

Oh Grace, you must have worked so hard,
To strive to be such an excellent bard!

Awesome bit of rhyming and a fab story all rolled into one!

Our good ol' Sister she's sure skilled with rhymin'
And swift with her pen, just look at her timin'
She gave us a lawman who acted like Santa
And action shots as those horses did canter
She snuck in the (w)hole gang with reindeer echoes
And a rhyme for Wyoming - which was not geckoes
We even had orf'lings - who I'm sure wore snug mittens
Though she sing'larly failed to include injured kittens
I'm sending the boys straight round to her place
With hugs and with kisses - all delivered with GRACE




(PS from Colin who is man of few words, to whom I read your ditty.
He says: "Awwwwwwwwwww" )

Excellent challenge, Sister Grace! Poems aren't easy to write, but you made it look easy. The rhymes and the tale are wonderful. Good thing I don't write challenges to win.

I remember this story, Christina. Loved it it then and still love it now! Who would have thought there was two train outlaws wearing distinctive black hats?

Christina--Thanks for sharing this story with us again this Christmas Season!  Loved it, then and now.

Wonderful Christmas tale and historical facts! I was really curious, wondering WHAT gift Santa had placed in Heyes' boot. Thanks for sharing this story with us again this year!

1) Sister Grace – so prompt and so poetic, but I gave this one a little ditty (above). Repeats head rubs.

2) Kid4ever
Ahah, another chance to visit a story and not polling. Check.
I need cocoa! Will a huge mug of tea do – ‘cos that’s what I have.
We got snow!! It snowed on Boxing Day evening. It was deep and crisp and even and gorgeous – and we watched it come down with fairy lights in window and Christmas music playing. Not that that has anything to do with Kid’s story.
Ooooh fanon bad coffee. Poor old Heyes.
And we’re off… another rhyming wonder!
Now, should we consider ‘curry-blue’ to be the official colour from now on in?
He left their pressies in their boots = Awww. Mind you, maybe outlaw on the run socks are not where you want to put your orange, apple and choccy coins, huh?
What did HH get??? I’m on tenter hooks. Do we find out or is it a ‘fill in the blank’ ruse?? Nope, we find out… was it a proper swiss knife with an attachment for removing boy scouts from hooves??
And Kid got a shiny new gun. Good job the magic saddlebags have plenty of room for his old spare, snirt.
Clever rhyming and clever top and tailing, K4E.

3) Penski
Oooh, we got A wire dodger… because this challenge space was looking a tad empty.
Are they going to put the suits on??? From the magic bags?? Mew. I like our boys singing carols. Verrrrry Christmassy.
Clever Heyes – a variant of hiding in plain sight. And Clever Penski.
Oooh, now are they going to get invited to Christmas dinner, crossing fingers.
Awwwwww. They are asleep in the Hay. That was sweet and proper Christmassy Penski.

4) Ty pender

Awwww again. Thank you for those. Trying to tug our festive heartstrings huh? Result.

5) Christina
Whoo-hooo. Another revisit story…
Very series like start – can just see KC tucking in while HH frowns over paper. Awww, Kid gets snowballed. Bless.
Oh, they are sneakily buying each other presents! I melt, I melt…
Now, Heyes, you do NOT react with trepidation to middle aged ladies with mistletoe. You KNOW you lurve us all!!!
I bet that shirt actually got ripped off Kid by a frantic Hurt and Comfort Curryette.