Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016

Blood in the sun

Wichita Red.....OMG that's what I call a train massacre.... I need to edit my tale and just write.....insert Blood in the Sun here....great piece of writing.

Cal:
I did enjoy this interesting and gripping story! And what a good idea of Kid's -to let the opposition know what a great shot he is!

The question is - will this ruse of his work? Can't wait to find out! Hope we see the next instalment soon. Great start to a story!

WichitaRed
What a marvellous description of life on the trail. It made you feel as if you were there with them.
Good ending - you made us feel relieved when Kid woke up, and the stampede was all a dream. BUT is it all still to happen???

Ty
Another of your astonishing and off the wall stories, Ty! Words fail me!

MoulinP
What a clever story this is. So enjoyable. And showing Heyes at his clever best! All those good ideas to sort things out! But all for only 10 dollars. He deseved a medal - and a rise. But a very good read.

Cal fair days work.
Spoiler alert if you haven't read yet

Great descriptive line.  Flat-nose twitched around the eyes.  

I love the way you have him both mad and in awe of Marsden's ring.

God dialogue line.....I don’t want to hear the parish news Kid!”

I like the fact that you mention Heyes temper and how Kid Curry deals with it by routine, sometimes feel (though I love him) Hannibal Heyes is made out to be too nice and sweet.

Okay your Omani-present nor made me grin here.....Heyes’ eyes narrow.  Anyone else hearing a Hannibal Heyes plan springing to life…

Lol. You have Hannibal Heyes calling Kid Curry out on the street his way of building Jones name. How in Hades did kid y
Talk Heyes into that? Lol

Absolutely great visual, liked the whole image you created....Kid’s Colt was in his hand and Heyes’ gun and belt were on the floor before Heyes had released the breath he shouldn’t have been holding.  He schooled his face to anger while inside, he was congratulating his younger cousin for not shooting him in the leg.  


Loved the shaken Hannibal Heyes but that you also thought to say how Kid Curry didn't like using him as target practice. Overall well done, a round of applause...I will read the rest when you post, I am curious.


Alias Alice. Fair days pay

Love Kid Curry tedious list of terrible work and I can just imagine Heyes confused look he is gang him.
Even if Hannibal Heyes didn't know where Kid Curry was headed in his thought pattern I did. I can imagine a rambling such as this will have Heyes saying, all over again, "leave the thinking to me,Kid". Fun little piece thanks for sharing.


MoulinP fair days work.
Spoiler alert

clotheshorses....had to look that one up

It was odd seeing Hannibal Heyes so meek,than again he was being Joshua Smith, too. Loved the line about you can sign George Washington or Hannibal Heyes

Very much enjoying your little tale and the well written dialogue, but this has to be one of my favs.....You smile that smile of your’n Joshua. The one that has Mary Fletcher all of a quiver. ‘Sides I’ve heard you boy. You’ve got a right ole silver tongue there.” Seth patted him on the shoulder again. “Reckon you could charm the birds outta the sky if’n you put your back into it.”
Heyes sucked in a deep breath through his teeth and snatched up the list. He plonked his hat on his head and gave Seth a disgusted look as he went out......all of it so sums up Smith in a nutshell

Boy he must have really tromped on Mary's toe, she turned down the smile and dinner,too.
Would have loved to read that little conversation

Wow and after all of it Heyes even got paid, not bad. Enjoyable tale thanks for sharing

Wichita Red: It's great to have you doing challenges again. I really felt the boys' exhaustion, compounded by the tedium. Appropriate that even two best friends let their tiredness get the best of them and get a little snappy with each other. And a nightmare becomes reality. So what happens next?

Alias Alice: LOL! Great last line! They better figure out something else to do, or they might end up robbing banks again, since Kid proved pretty decisively that not much else has worked out for them. Would the next line in this story be something like "Heyes, there's this bank in ..."

Ty Pender: I love your imagination. What a charming idea for a story! Yes, the Kid can always count on Haze, can't he?

MoulinP: A Hannibal Heyes plan is definitely a fair day's work! Very enjoyable story. I can see Heyes itching to do something he can actually do well, like the detail work of ordering. But once he puts that silver tongue to work, all turns out well.

MoulinP – Gotta love a Hannibal Heyes plan!  Loved how he used his creative thinking to get rid of the excuse or unwanted merchandise for Seth.  Of course, the favorite line was “You can sign it George Washington or Hannibal Heyes for all I care.”  Two things about your challenge… I was unsure how old Heyes was.  Sometimes he sounded younger than amnesty age.  Another thing is that I’m usually cautious about naming a character after a very prominent ASJ character.  Every time I read the name Seth, I kept thinking about dear ol’ Seth who died in the desert.  Not bad things and did not take away from this fun and unique story.  Very well written and visual!  

Sister Grace – Your style of writing is such that I feel like I’m right there seeing, hearing, and even tasting all around me.  Very cute how the boys non-communicating chose their seats on the train.  Loved Henry and he turned out to be Henry Ford!  I LOVE when history is woven into a story.  Now this is a big compliment because I adore her stories… This story reminded me of a Drena Hill one the way history was so seamlessly added into the lives of Heyes and Curry.  Wonderful challenge!  

Ty pender   Aw its a bed time story. Briggs? wasn't that the name of the million dollar t*&&^t! in the dancing episode. A baby goat and a haze...I'm feeling a bit Monty Python.  I think a work of such genius should be reviewed in the original language.  Luckily I'm fluent in goat/sheep Baaaa, baaaaa, baah bleat baah Currys blue eyes. Bleat bleat baabaah Heyes' battered hat. Baa bhaa bbbaaa bleat thank goodness there wasn't any more jigging.   Ty pender, I appreciated the subtly of referencing the outgoing Chinese year of the goat/sheep and the incoming year of the monkey all in one all encompassing image, as this is February's challenge. You're barking, thank goodness you are though.

Moulin P...Oh I can sooooo relate to not being able to see the small print.  I want to know what age Heyes I'm picturing...it don't matter to the story...its just its a very easy image to picture in the shop with the mad delivery....I'm going with an older thirty something...I'd love to know how old he was when you wrote it. Yes you got me chuckling....I can see this...clothes horses?  200! Haha.  Yeah Jeez...where the Kid when you need him?  This is a day and a halfs work...I'm exhausted.  I love the unmentionables.....and how often you mention them...classic. Oh I love a good HH plan, it isn't easy being a genius is it?  Lovely tale and a good read.

Sistergrace  You've done it again. You got me hooked at the get go. I'm getting the visuals, the smells, the sounds even the BO of all those people packed on a train. OOh Henry Ford....I love stories that go Forrest Gump... I want to know if he ran his factories like that.  Good socialist values.  Don't suppose there was much evidence of that for Heyes and Curry, they'd think it was a pipe dream.  Haha I hear Kid saying ..hy..po..thetical...Brilliant you gave us the factual stuff.  Well done that was a pleasure to read.

Sister Grace
A story that you feel involved in because you enjoy the picture of the boys moving along the carriage,with its passengers, looking for a seat, and then you enjoy how the boy manages to mend the watch. And you particularly enjoy his theories on how to run a business. Someone should keep an eye on that boy. He could go far!
Thanks for a good story!

Cal: What a well-plotted, clever tale, but how could you leave us with a cliff-hanger, LOL? Please post the next part soon as I am thoroughly drawn into it.

Wichita Red: That was truly awful for poor Kid and a horrific ending. I enjoyed your note about your inspiration, too. Nicely done!

Alias Alice: LOLOL! I'm with the Kid.

Ty: So Kid's one of those fainting goats, huh? Cute story and I loved the video.

MoulinP: Leave it to Heyes to figure a way out of this mess. I once screwed up an order number and wound up with 92 bags of oats instead of 2 so I could easily feel poor Seth's pain.

SisterGrace: Your first few lines created such a nice atmosphere and pulled me right into this excellent tale. I loved discovering who their new friend was and really appreciated the historical notes.

Inside Outlaw

I love tales where the boys work with horses, especially clever ones.  How'd they let their funds run so low again! Best bit for me was the faded pink flags...or should that be ripped up hideous shirt...I'm glad Heyes doesn't like that one either.  Good tale, well told. Well thought out ending and good fast pace.

BTW...that little tale of mine is already to post...I'm just holding off for a few days because another genius writer has taken up my challenge to write a follow up to the tale and I've seen a fab first draft which I'm really excited about...

I'll look forward to reading it, Cal!

About that pinkish shirt-- I'm betting the Kid will use some of that hard-earned cash to run right out and buy another one if only to bug his partner.

Apologies..I have not been here for a while..busy busy busy with work stuff so I apologise for not reading and commenting on your no doubt amazing stories.

Inside Outlaw – Love how you describe scenes, like this saloon, with more western authenticity.  What a gruff bartender, but he must have his reasons.  Loved how observant the rancher Stuart Larson was seeing them sharing a beer and knowing to offer them a job that would benefit both parties.  Love reading about the horses, especially the stallion and boss mare.  Phew… Heyes and the Kid are smarter than two horses.  Really enjoyed this story!      


Maz – The boys seem to be enjoying the thought of their new job.  Too bad it didn’t turn out like they thought.  Wait a minute… THE Kid got the calico?!?  That just doesn’t seem right.  Calico, did you beta this challenge?  

Maz
Oh no they're not painting again...I can still remember the cistern chapel...lol
Haha...twenty....that's a pride!
Snigger...they're looking for a few fringe benefits Huh?
CATS!  Hahahahaha
Now you don't see too many cats in the Western genre do you?....they must have been there though?...well I guess we did get the big stuffed variety to wrestle with unconvincingly.
Well done Maz...obviously it must have been a deep and thought provoking piece of....nonsense...brilliant.
Calx

Maz: You do have a mean streak when it comes to these two, don't you? I could imagine the looks on their faces as they arrived at their new job.

Inside Outlaw

Another Hannibal Heyes plan! And it worked! Very enjoyable tale of the boys versus the horses. They couldn't let themselves be outsmarted. And they HAD to earn some money somehow. They don't have an easy time - that certainly came across. But they remain good-humoured in spite of it all.
Very enjoyable read. Thanks for posting!

Ma z

Absolutely hilarious, Maz ! Brilliantly funny!

Penski

This so very funny.  Poor Kid!  It's just not fair!  But I hope he got some sympathy from Heyes later.

Penski...Brilliant just brilliant. Loved it from start to finish. Can't pick out a best bit coz its all good.
Calx

A few of you have asked me how old Heyes was in my piece. That's the problem when you've written a long piece and have to cut it down to fit the word limit - losing  the context. In my post-amnesty imaginings Lom advises the boys to stay in Porterville for a while until word gets around. He gets Heyes a job in the hardware store, the Kid in the livery. A fair day's work takes place about five or six months later, when Heyes is getting settled and "walking out" with Mary - which has the potential to be an important relationship. So I suppose Heyes is early thirties - say 32?

I have now posted the longer version on the Stories site.


Cal

Loved the little asides to the reader. Drew me right there. Loved the line "Curry hasn't even convinced himself yet." Is the Kid tempted to shoot Heyes? Just a little graze maybe? Heyes can be quite a trial sometimes. But no of course not! Please post soon Cal. I need to know what happens.

Witchita Red
Brilliant! I didn't expect the sudden waking up at all. So what happens to Heyes? Does the Kid's dream become reality for Heyes? I need to know.

Alias Alice
The Kid listing all the jobs he hates only leads to one conclusion. Can really see the look of disgust on Heyes' face. Lovely little story.

Ty Pender
What a sweet little story and made me laugh. Thanks for posting.

Sistergrace
Interesting meeting our boys had. I have a feeling Heyes and Henry Ford would have got on really well. Enjoyable reading.

Inside Outlaw
The boys nearly come unstruck with troublesome horses. Great post.

Maz
The Kid's words about this job not seeming so bad and Heyes agreeing for once. Ha! Wrong sort of cat house! LOL

Penski
Poor Kid. Pulled this way and that and hurting all the time. Boo to Heyes for not showing much sympathy. Fun story.

Continuing with February, now that it's March 1st and all the "under-the-wire" challenges are in.

Sister Grace: Now that's what I call a lucky meeting, although sitting near the two knitting ladies might have led to other interesting conversations. I like your unique response from the prompt, inspired, I think, by some familiarity with Michigan economics!

Inside Outlaw: You sure know how to use your knowledge of and familiarity with horses to put together a plausible tale of a fair day's work.

Maz: Does Mistress Calico know yet that Kid Curry is making a grab for her? I am anxiously looking forward to the next scene in this challenge story, in which I hope to find out if Mistress Calico plays hard to get or not.

Penski: Poor Kid Curry! This outlaw business isn't as easy as it looks, is it?

Penski: You really ought to title this one, Kid Curry's Low-down, Rotten Day, LOLOL!

Sister grace fair days work

Really liking this young man they have met. He has wonderful insights.
Boy howdy and does he have his what's fair well figured out.....ah ha now I understand. Nice piece of history insert.

Great line....Curry pushed the brim of his hat up with one finger and opened one eye.  “Ain’t that usually my line, Heyes?”

Thanks for sharing, it was a well put together piece



Inside outlaw...fair days pay

The entire image you have created of The pair of them is just sad. I've read it from other authors and Seen it in the show, it really is amazing I didn't go back to being outlaws.

Love the fact that his heart gave a leap because he enjoyed being somebody. I too, always thought the whole Joshua Smith rubbed against his well vainglory

Poor Heyes, doesn't he know by now, to never label nothing as easy. But, I sure do love the plan he comes up with and how slick he pulls it off.



Maz. a fair days work

Pretty cute play on words Maz. Enjoyed your easy flowing dialogue. Good little comic piece.



Penski a fair days work.

How does Kid Curry let Heyes talk him into such things...really jumping on top of a moving train.

Glory be but you have me feeling great empathy for Kid. Ohhhh everything just sounds painful.

You have me giggling with all poor Kid is going through..Kyle..the derringer..his partner Ridin' him to hurry..all the while that knee...amazed he ain't blown a gasket

Good fun, thanks

Belated comments on the February stories. And d’you know what? I don’t have tea – so one second while kettle goes on.


1) Cal

Wha-hay – it is our not quite newbie, and consistently fast out of the trap Cal! Reading, reading – Heyes has been fleeced (though hey, he’s one to talk) and Kid has been spotted.

So, casting Flat-Nose – Is he Walk Off number two?

I am adoring the ‘not high noon’ aside.

Ooooh – so Thaddeus Jones has now got his skills seen and known. What a great starter set up Cal. Very episode like.




2) WichitaRed

Well, hello there Red. And is that a fancy moderator star I see shining on your lapel?

Our boys eating dust on a cattle drive, huh?
Stampede!! Break out the stock footage. Hey, there’s a pun in there and I never noticed before. Or is it??? Oooh – one of those half premonition half hearing what is going on around you dreams. We love our boys tired and dusty, Red – thank you.




3) Alias Alice




Oh Kid, I’m with you! Dang jobs – sucking all the hours out of your day. Tchah! Have you ever considered staring blankly at a spreadsheet interspersed with nagging people to do stuff all day? It’s steady work and if you moan loud enough one of your team usually cracks and brings you a mug of tea.

I really liked that little short Alias A. I will pay you the almost ultimate compliment. It made me go ‘Dang – I shoulda thought of that.’. Clever.



4) ty pender


Hello comment readers. Did you spot the double meanings of the names in Ty’s story? I did. Do you like double meanings? Here is Farmer Briggs. Did Briggs get your goat? See the goat. The goat is running. See the goat run. Do you like moving pictures? I do. See the funny policeman riding the goat. See him go. Did you laugh, comment readers?



5) MoulinP

Hey, I’m sure Heyes’ likes being coupled with George Washington in the fame stakes!

I think we all know the mystery delivery feeling don’t we?

Those ladies unmentionables – are they cosy and warm? Room to stash emergency biscuits? I’ll take a pair.

I think it’s Seth has the silver tongue talking HH into doing all the work.

Adoring Heyes’ in creative salesman mode as he shifts all those clothes horses.




6) sistergrace

Well, here she is – our last months’ bandanny winner! You know I delayed the poll just to give you a little extra time with the boys, don’t you?

I thought it sounded like Ford!! I thought it did! Clever old Sister Grace.

It didn’t half make the jobs tedious compared to a craft shop though. Sigh

xxxx


Afraid that's as far as I got before I had to go catch a train... Will give myself another treat session soonest.