Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15

I was shocked that you were opening your tale with the cemetery. And then even more shocked when I read the smilers name. And I have to say I was as taken aback by kid Curry statement as Heyes was.absolutely love the line about meeting his maker and there is no garden in hell. Wonderful visionary sentence and sounds very very Hannibal Heyes at the same time. Love the imagery at the drop of rain on Hannibal space juxtaposition to the tears he would never shed for Bilson. You used a lot of nice place on words in the story and I enjoyed your story as I always enjoy all of your stories inside outlaw

LOL, BeeJay, I love that you got the dead parrot reference!

Ty: Not at all sure how I go about commenting on this one except to say that I laughed my way through it. Are you sure you aren't taking Colorado's favorite medicinal for your cold?

Inside Outlaw - What a story! I loved the talk between Heyes and Curry regarding Bilson and the Kid seeing himself as a killer. My favorite lines were:
The Kid grinned. “You really wanna know what I was thinkin’? I was thinkin’ it was kinda ironic that here Bilson was supposedly pushin’ up daisies and all that was growin’ was weeds. Kinda fittin’, isn’t it?”
Yep - very fitting for that Smiler! Cute line tying it to the challenge - very creative!

Ty Pender - That was... unique and clever! Don't know what else to say.... except, poor BeeJay!

RosieAnnie - You DID do it!     I knew you could and you haven't lost your ability to write with your recent hiatus.  

That Heyes is so clever not doing what the lawman expects.  A drippy tent in a humdinger of a storm with an outlaw gang doesn't sound too appealing, even with Heyes and Curry in there.  Favorite line - He felt pretty sure Drucker would be rubbing his nose against the pearly gates on judgment day, looking inside and a-wishin' he'd treated people like him and his hard-working deputies a little better when he'd had the chance.  

Loved it!  

Rosie Annie
Absolutely love your description of the storm. Seems we all were very descriptive and our weather this time but I like that you chose a good old-fashioned thunderstorm. Enjoyed your descriptive sentences and fun use of time period Words. Your dialogue between the characters as ace high I always joy banter between the Devils hole gang and a true Hannibal Heyes plan. Ahhh we do not get to see them take the coach? Is this the opening to a longer story perhaps? Thank you for sharing it was very enjoyable.

Penski
Poor Hannibal sick on the road and nothing worse than being sick when you're traveling. I love that kid Curry has to use his outlaw for voice to get his partner listen to him. I always enjoy reading details because they flow so well you almost do not realize you are reading them. Great line about I feel so terrible just should be at the wood kid pulled his gun he says no I didn't really mean it. Great snort at the end but I read that he had passed his illness right onto kid who tried so desperately the day before to be helpful

1) Hey, Wichita Red – long time no challenge!!! Consider yourself head rubbed for playing!!
Poor old Kid, sniffing and coughing – he has all our sympathy. Though he is clearly a wheezing grumpus of a big baby with his cold – whereas I am a brave, cheery little… Oops must shut up. Colin might read and disagree.
I am liking the ‘being elsewhere’ line – reminds me of Deadwood.
Like the ‘unbroken record’ tag line too.
Clapping cheerily, WR – the gals do like to see one of the boys good and sick.

2) Alias Alice
Hello! Another long time no challenge gal. Welcome one, welcome all.
The boys are right – nothing cheers you up like putting the kettle on. Kid is sick again. Told you the gals like that. Poor KC – here, take a tissue. Same remedy though – a little whiskey. I never got that! Oh, bait and switch tactics, huh, Alice? It is the dimpled one all hot and flushed and… excuse me.
Awww. Nice little short, Alice. Slipped down like warm honey.

3) InsideOutlaw
We love you regular challenge gals too, Inside.
Oooh – a little angst for Kid at Danny B’s grave side. I dunno that HH can criticise Kid’s top lip caterpillar rest home though, seeing how he lets a couple of the fellas roost on his sideburns. Oh bless you for the:
“It was just a shot in the dark.”
“Naw, it was daylight.”
mood lightener.
I’m liking the lines about no daisies only weeds too.
Has someone been checking out the old west synonyms for being worm meat here?? Good – enjoying them.
He has fallen off his perch. He has joined the choir invisible. He has snuffed it.
Lovely wordplay, Inside.

4) ty pender
I think two things – at least – about your challenge, Ty.
a) You are too dang clever by half!
b) You are teasing us of the ovary persuasion for our partiality for a little foam fun in stories.
However, how can any of be other than grateful for a little bathing Clint. Purrr.
Dear Heyes – I hope he made the most of all that NUANCE.
Doe-ey brown eyes? Guess it beats doughey … well, doughey anything on a man.
Hey, Kid – celebrate life – did I just get a whiff of ‘Fiddler on the Roof’?
If I can see what I want to see – may I see Heyes AND Clint?? Thank you.
Snirt!!! Not too snotty, so I will risk – another SNIRT!!

5) RosieAnnie
Don’t be too sure, Drucker – it’ll take more than a little storm to damp the spirits of (cue galloping music)…Heyes and that other fella.
“Drucker looked up to the heavens for help, but, as usual, found none there.” – loving that line.
Of course Rosie, something WILL go wrong tomorrow because, strangely enough, the most successful outlaws in the West rarely get away with the money. Snirt. Consider us set up.

6) Penski
Where would we be if no one dodged the wire??
Awww – poor Heyes. Bad pint? Nah – it’s never the beer, must be something in the water – nasty stuff!
The Kid’s right – plenty of fluids.
And now he’s passed it on to Kid. Double Awwwwwww. Nice two hander P.
Poor boys, you do all make them suffer.

RosieAnnie: You so quickly paint your character with few words yet fully formed. Leave it to Heyes (and you) to second guess the sheriff and come up with a clever plan to confuse the law. As always, beautifully done.

Penski: Sick on the trail? Oh, you are cruel! Poor Heyes thinks he's going to die alone in the bushes while the Kid pragmatically finishes the job. Nice deft hand with the hurt/comfort; Curry is caring but not too much. I wonder if Heyes did as well when it was his turn!

I waited till April 2nd to comment so you know I'm not foolin' around.  

Wichita Red:  Yay! You're back! You haven't lost your facility for a good phrase. "Quiet as wolves on the hunt" , "I'm gonna tie you and throw you across him like a deer carcass". And pathos: "don't make me go to town." There's a world of hurt behind that last line, isn't there? I like the interplay between Heyes and Wheat, and of course, between Heyes and Curry. Good stuff, girlfriend!  

Alias Alice: Your description of the storm in the first paragraph is vivid.
And Curry is vulnerable to colds/flus every winter? A little foreshadowing for an episode here, and a good fit. But no, it's Heyes who go sick! He's not "fine." But he is better now. Looking forward to hearing from you again, Alice!

Inside Outlaw: Danny sure was a rotter. He's still disturbing Kid, even from his bury hole. But was he truly laid to rest? Methinks you were having fun with idioms here: give up the ghost, kicking the bucket, dead as a doornail, dance on his grave, and others. Now that Danny's six feet under, I guess Kid can bury the hatchet at last.

RosieAnnie: Kind of okay. Not too bad for something cranked out in record time. At least you didn't embarrass yourself.  Higher expectations for next month, okay?

Ty Pender: Hey, don't feel it's necessary to live under the weather, okay? Only use "The Method" for your writing when it's about sunshine, lollipops and apple pie! Well, at least you got them in the hot tub and remembered the dimples!

Penski:  Oh man, I'm saving this story for when I feel like over-indulging in food. Very realistic! Nice show of the relationship between the partners, too. Curry does what he can to make Heyes more comfortable -- laying out the bedroll, taking care of Heyes' horse, getting more water for Heyes and encouraging him to drink -- but hey, they need to make money, too. Curry'll be back in a reasonable amount of time. Heyes is a little over-dramatic: "you're just leaving me to die?" "Just shoot me." A painful (for the characters) but nice (for the readers) interlude.

I am sending a hug to all the writers this month and apologising for not commenting on anyone's story. I am swamped at work with practical exams and so have not given you fine people the attention you deserve.
I am sure they were all brilliant.
I am sure they all deserve to win and will be made into sweeping films that deserve truck loads of Oscars.

Penski

Enjoyed this tale, especially because of the realistic-seeming and believable dialogue between the boys! Particularly liked the part where Heyes had to tell Kid he didn't really need shooting! - Typical of the way the boys still manage to be funny, even in an unfunny situation, like feeling really awful. The dialogue sounded like the way the boys talk.

Also liked the twist at the end!

Rosie Annie

Very enjoyable story about both weather, and being under the weather.  Also being under canvas - another infallible Heyes plot, outsmarting the lawmen trying to catch him out.  You have to get up very early in the morning to outsmart Heyes.  -But the law tried staying up all night instead.  And that won't work either.  Very, very funny and amusing story!

Alias Alice – Oh, I’m liking this story! Heyes sure is protective of his younger cousin / friend. Love this family, especially with Janey shadowing Jed. Thank goodness the boys were around to help with the baby being born early. Curious why the boys liked the names Joshua and Thaddeus. Cute ending!

Hmm… are you in the boys are cousins or friends camp, Alias Alice?

Comments for March Challenge Stories:

WichitaRed - How nice that you popped in to share with us this month!  I particularly liked the closing of your story, with HH and KC's discussion coming very close to, "You worry about staying on your horse and I'll worry about staying on mine!"  

Alias Alice - Howdy!  We don't get to hear from you too often.  Glad you dropped in to play this month.  My favorite lines:  
"Kid!" he croaked.  "How are you?"
The Kid managed to smile.  "How am I?" he said.  "I'm fine.  I think the real question is how are you?"

InsideOutlaw - I enjoyed this dark yet compelling challenge very much.  Very different take on the prompt.  Is Curry a killer?  Yes, and you did a great job of showing us how he is trying to come to grips with that fact.  Well done!

Ty - Sorry you've been sick.  Hope by now you're feeling much better.  I liked Roy best in this challenge.  He's quite a perceptive fella.  "The viewers are going to see what they want to see."

RosieAnnie - So glad to hear from you this month!  I enjoyed your characters.  You introduced us to them well even in this short piece.  I liked HH and KC's plan too.  Smart fellas, smart Rosie!

Penski - Poor Heyes!  The Kid is very kind to his ailing partner.  Patient too.  Uh-oh, I've just read the last line.  Let's hope Heyes can be just as kind and patient!  Two thumbs up!

I will try to read as you post this month.
Alias Alice..loved the boys on the farm. Loved Jed being put on the spot. And I think I might have an idea what she packed for them to eat too. :)
Nice one.

Thank you anyone who has been kind enough to say something about my challenges! It is so lovely to think that someone is actually reading them.

I am so thick . . . ('thick' - do you say that in the US, to mean stupid, as we do on this side of The Pond?) . . . I'm so thick that when I write something about the boys, I think there's only going to be me will ever read it, because I don't know how to post it. Now Beejay and Penski have sorted that out for me. The easiest method of posting in the world, by the way, isn't it! Even I can't go wrong! So it's lovely to be read. And to read sometimes kind remarks about the stories later. Thank you!

(Penski - to answer your question. I think the boys are cousins. But they also happen to be the very best of friends, too, closer than brothers!)

RosieAnnie:

Nicely written two scene short story. Thatcher sure has some fit and ready deputies there, doesn't he?! 
Good set up for the second scene: we know the gang isn't going to do what Thatcher expects, but have to wait to find out the plan. Wheat and Kyle doing what they do best. Lots of fun.

Penski:

S(l)ickly written. I expected the boys to be sick in a lot of the under the weather stories, but I didn't expect that! I was glad I read that after I ate and not before! I could certainly empathize with Heyes: Just leave me alone, isn't that the truth. And of course, the Kid gets his turn at the end. 

Ty: I assume that's your entry for the month. Well, brevity is the soul of something, I suppose. It's certainly the briefest challenge I've ever read.

Enjoyable story, Alias Alice. It was a sweet one too, without being saccharine-just right. I like this exchange: 'Little chickens and eggs!'  Which were you going to say came first, by the way?”  

“Oh, shut up!” said the scarlet-cheeked Jed, turning away.  He had a feeling that the day with Janey was going to be a very long day.  It was.


I think you managed quite a few chicken references in this one. Clever.



Ah, George got his son. 


I hope the supper Elspeth packed wasn't Martha! Good one!

Thanks for comments, Beejay.

It WASN'T Martha, by the way!

Penski - Loved this story. Loved the picture of family life that we got, with Kid's mother baking and trying to keep tabs on the hens (and on Jed. Trying to get him to keep his hat on, and his pants clean). And loved the way that Heyes was the big brother, helping Jed to do the job. And using his brains, as always, to make it easy. Already he's looking after Jed - picking up his hat and putting it on his head, and putting his arm around him to encourage him. I loved it.

Glad they got off to the creek at the end!

1) Alias Alice
Awwwww – poor younger Kid. Can we all feed him up?
Do we need to dangle a needle over Elspeth and see whether it goes back and forth or round and round??
Quadruple Awwwws – Jed is gonna baby sit. (Aiming at your market here, Alias Alice)
Loving the line about which came first chickens or eggs.
The boys have got Martha packed in their sandwiches to take away???!!!!
Ah you've told Beejay no. But... that means they're eating - gulp - Gladys.
Got us right in the maternal sector there, Alias.

2) Penski
Even younger versions of our boys!! ‘Truly, mesdames ambassadors, you are spoiling us!’.
Work smarter, not harder??!! Sheesh, HH, the times I’ve tried to trick – I mean train – clients into believing that one!
Oh, clever Heyes. Mind you, maybe Ma Curry wanted it to take forever just to keep Jed quiet??
Oh, no. I was expecting her to be all cross with Han because he cut short her keeping them occupied for ages plan.


3) Remuda
Hey! It is the wire dodger extra-ordinaire!
Is that really you in the corner getting all squished up against Kid Curry? Thought so.
Mrs. Bellows may be grumpy but she’s not too far out on the characteristics of fellas calling themselves Smith and Jones.
Adoring the dime novel leaving off that other fella’s name.
So what is in store for Mrs. Bellows? Redemption or come-uppance ??
Very, very visual scene Ms. Wire-D.

Thank you writers, one and all for keeping us entertained with your challenge entries! I appreciate the ASJ escape they provide.

Alias Alice - I was sort of looking forward to hearing Jed's explanation to Janey's question. This was a very sweet chicken tale.

Penski - Math lessons from chickens? Well, they say a great teacher makes due with the supplies available. Maybe Hannibal Heyes missed his calling. Very enjoyable read, Penski!

Remuda - I certainly would have been "content" experiencing this stage ride! I chuckled when the Kid stirred upon hearing his real name mentioned. Very entertaining read!