Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15

Ok Maz,

I am here because a blond cowboy of our acquaintance said Elizabeth was coming back. Now he does not want to be hurt or to hurt your feelings so...I must intervene. I currently live under his hat and will have to show myself if this Elizabeth character decides to show her face. He is really distraught. I know you can think of something. You are soooo talented. Just relaying the message.
mouse

Maz,

You can include this in the story; they're guaranteed to shtick to dirty, sweaty cowboys.



Best Regards.

Am I too obsessed to actually want some of these?

No worries:

Just think of them as a literary device, such as an allegory, where the meaning of a greater, often abstract, concept is conveyed with the aid of a corporeal object.

Regards.

Maz - I forgot to comment when I read your challenge earlier. Love the visuals of the two guys at the very beginning. LOL... Heyes is happy about Elizabeth Darkly coming back and the Kid is nervous! Oh, you brought the party into your story - very clever. Rifle... trifle... they're about the same thing, huh? Love the ending!

Rosie Annie - YAY... you wrote a challenge! Have missed your writing since the accident happened. Love O'Hara and how he thinks and talks. Can't blame the Kid for being upset with all that happened to them, especially having the Army tracking them since they don't get tired and quit. Love how Heyes came up with a plan to make his partner feel better about the situation. Lucky that the plan worked, too. Wonderful read!

Roseann for a minute there I thought the boys in blue were going to catch our boys in dusty outlaw clothes. Phew..
I can understand Kid being upset about the rifle. A gunman knows the value of such things.

Ty Pender: So that's how that rifle got there! Fun peek into the workings behind an episode (even if it did feature the 'wrong' Heyes).

Maz: LOL, those two are definitely like an old married couple. Heyes suffers from selective deafness when it comes to his partner. I enjoyed the banter, but what I like most is hearing that Elizabeth is coming back!!

RosieAnnie:O'Hara wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer believing it was going to be as easy as following a trash trail to bag Heyes and Curry. I wondered at the beginning why our boys would be eluding the cavalry using a wagon, but I was nicely surprised by Heyes' plan. Naturally, the Kid would be irritated after having to leave a fine rifle behind. Well done as always!

Penski: Oh, so that's how that rifle got there!

I loved the banter at the beginning:

“Heyes, do you have a feelin’ someone’s watchin’ us?”

“I’ve had that feeling for ten years.” Heyes tied a thong securing his bed roll.

and: “I knew you’d come up with the right answer.” You've got the boys down pat!

That bounty hunter probably didn't count on Heyes being a decent shot, too. Lucky for him, he outgunned a rifleman at a hundred yards. Fun, exciting tale. Thanks!

Inside Outlaw – What a story with humor and suspense! I read about the Lehman Caves as I researched and wondered if that’s where they were. I added a cave to mine knowing there must be caves in the area. Putting this park on my bucket list. Very cute how the Kid ate a tad too much and got stuck. Nice visual of him nekkid, slipping through the crack and blowing out Heyes’ match until he was decent. Very enjoyable read and I loved the author’s notes at the end!

1) Ty Pender
Absolutely loving – “Why?” “…Probably to extend the plot.”
Ain’t that so often the answer to the why question?
AH… so they are heading for where the mystery rifle is found?
Kid Curry rolling around in the firm grasp of a Kiddy-Kat. I can appreciate that.
“I want you to look hot, tired, dusty and desperate.” … Roy knew what his lady viewers liked, huh?
Awwwww – and Ty has even give us a tub scene, ladies. (However – couldn’t a man of your photoshopping skills have taken Roger out of the sud, given him a fluffy towel, and replaced him with a glistening wet PD ???)
Clever stuff, Ty!
[Now, you don’t poll this month as you are already wrapped up in January’s bandanny]

2) Maz
Hey!! My burfday party got a mention.
(I did of course invite the boys – but they didn’t want to be mixed up with so many lady outlaws!)
I suppose Elizabeth could distract a fella into leaving his rifle behind.
Heyes! Trifle is serious business – you don’t go leaving it around.
Snirt and snort, Maz.


3) RosieAnnie
Oh, oh, oh … are our boys leaving a FAKE trail.
Yup!
And Kid had to leave a perfectly good Winchester behind? No wonder he is proddy.
I am liking the boys having a likeable and worthy opponent in O’Hara, Rosie.
Very nice explanation of the rifle there.


4) Penski
Oh – pom pom pom – I knew this hunter was going to say he was after human quarry. Is it our lovely boys?
Mind you, if he’s relying on that description – he could be trailing anybody!
OR – is that the point? Is your clever editing going to reveal that the intercut scenes are actually miles away from each other and our bounty hunter is chasing two other fellas?
Nope – I’m wrong. They’re being shot at.
Oh, they’ve gone back to look – I’m curious what happened to the bounty hunter.
HH killed him? I was thinking maybe a little cougar action.
And our boys wonder about the missing rifle…
Another clever story, Penski. Clapping.



5) InsideOutlaw

Has our poor dear Kid let a pretty face lead him astray again?? Awww. Gazing, lovestruck, into her big pies, huh?
Our poor boys – they sure are getting ambushed a few times this month!
Did they just invent potholing? Now then, if there’s a stream in that cave it means it has to exit somewhere???
Aww – poor Kid’s all stuck. Does he have to wait until a few pounds fall off.
Loving getting dead or getting married being equally horrendous alternatives.
Loving the only eat a pony tag line too.
Now, Inside, this will not be polling as you shared the January Bandanna.



6) Remuda
Huzzah – our wire dodger has returned.
What are saloon doors for, if not for folk to be hurled through, huh?
Awww – can Kid not resist a little gun polishing.
Hey, I went and looked up the battle of Cold Harbour – as per your link – and you know what, Colin has a postcard of General Grant at that battle pinned on our cork board. Which I know is kinda beside the point.
Always nice to get a little history with our stories, Remuda.

Remuda - Welcome back! What a great line - Reaching an arm over the still thrashing ejected one to help his partner up finally pulled Heyes into the heap as the swirling eddy of humanity engulfed him. What a welcome into the saloon. Nice the sheriff bought the first round. "Haven't seen one of these since the war."? OH, you're writing about A rifle, not THE rifle found in Nevada. Now I get it. Was wondering since a) the rifle was an 1873 - long after the war and b) it was a very common rifle. How sweet of the Kid to clean up the old rifle for the old soldier. Very sad that he never adjusted to life after the war - what a tradegy. Makes me wonder what happened to him and his reaction to the shiny "new" rifle. Good read!

Remuda: I agree with others who have said this was a tale about redemption, but I found it sad the Kid's efforts redeemed the rusty weapon while its owner was still lost to alcohol and despair. Fixing an inanimate object is easy compared to fixing the human psyche. I was left wishing that someone would offer a hand up to the discarded soldier. That he treasures the rifle yet neglects it speaks volumes about how he feels about himself. Perhaps all he needs is to feel valued.

It is truly the sign of a great story that it can evoke such imaginings and emotions. Well-done!

WichitaRed: You set the mood very nicely from the start with your descriptive writing. I felt nearly as pensive as Heyes wondering if and when they'd get out of the cave before the storm socked in. The banter between the Kid and Heyes was great. The Kid complaining as he went along with Heyes' plan, and Heyes pointedly ignoring all the gibes.

It's great to see you posting here again!

WichitaRed - Welcome back! Oh, it must be an outlaw story with Wheat and Kyle around. Wondering why the four of them are in a cave... Will it be explained later? Wheat and Heyes sharing a cigarillo. Kyle is kinda demanding to Heyes with his "Ya bring his bull-headed, ornery self on into town to see a Doc; even if 'n ya gotta knock 'em out" and "Make sure I do (see you in town)." Love a Kid Curry who's not feeling well and trying to pretend he's okay - going reluctantly along with his partner's plan. He sure can sound proddy! Love a Heyes who knows he's gonna get his way, one way or another. Good story!

Ty Pender
Nice run-through of the plot history of one of my favorite episodes as well as explanation for the mystery rifle.  But, if the prop men did not have the rifles and three were left, what happened to the other two?  Hmm ... more mysteries to be revealed perhaps?

Maz
It was inevitable that Heyes was at some time going to mishear a point of conversation what with the back and forth with a book and talking with his partner, and that time has come.  Cute one with the missing (t)rifle.  Looking forward to the return of Ms. Darkly, even if Kid isn't.

RosieAnnie
Nothing like a leisurely escape!  This has to be one of the more unusual Hannibal Heyes plans, but it obviously worked.  Nicely told tale and a more than plausible explanation for the rifle left behind.  Love this line -- "If the Army wanted you to have complaints, they'd've issued you some."  Isn't that the truth.  Well done!

Penski
This tale is packed with a bit of everything -- bounty hunter, hurt/comfort, partner moments.  Nice that Heyes got a chance to prove he could shoot and hit his target as well, especially under pressure.  Another interesting explanation for a rifle left behind, but I'm surprised the boys didn't take it with them.    

Inside Outlaw
Now for a more frenetic escape, through deserts and caves and bristlecone pine.  I have no doubt this posse would not give up as easily as others.  Love the descriptions of the caves and how the unknown put a healthy fear in the boys, as well as the overall pacing of the story.  And as for Curry in a compromising situation -- very cute!  LOL  Clapping!

Ty Pender: Very enjoyable to see Our Boys still being Our Boys, even playing themselves, and pointing out plot holes in the episode. It's a little bit like going to a writing class, seeing all the inconsistencies.

Maz: "The blond Adonis?" I wonder if Elizabeth Darkly feels that way about him? And Kid would not leave a trifle next to a tree, would he? What about his undoubted, uh. . . appetite? Or appetites?

Penski: A logical way for that rifle to end up leaning against a tree. My favorite lines: "Can you ride?" "I can if my life depends on it." And, Curry complaining that Heyes tore his shirt, conveniently forgetting - as Heyes pointed out - that the bullet already tore it. And the final lines from our boys, Heyes wondering who the bounty hunter was, and Curry wondering about the rifle.

Inside Outlaw: Love the conversation between Heyes and Curry about the Mormon lady. Favorite lines: "I guess when she started in on me turnin’ Mormon, I should’ve figured out what she had in mind, but I’d long since stopped listenin’ to what she was sayin’.” And Heyes' response: "You never could eat and think at the same time, Kid.” Maybe that's why you had him get nekkid to get through that hole in the cave?

Remuda: Curry is still looking after the needy, isn't he? He shows a rare understanding of alcoholics. I love his little speech: "There’s probably a good fella underneath. Too many good men hide behind a bottle. I’ve known a few." You touch on PTSD and alcoholism with sensitivity. I like, too, that you went a different route than the rest of us and didn't show us how that rifle ended up leaning against a tree.

Alias Alice - YAY... you wrote a challenge! Love the twist in it. I knew what was gonna happen and then... you changed it up on me. Heyes coddled to a point, but not too much. Lucky they found such a well-prepared cabin. You had weather and under the weather - wonderful challenge!

Thank you for these lovely comments, Penski!

I did enjoy writing for the monthly challenge at last! - I always enjoy reading other people's stories, but didn't think I'd be able to join in myself! But I've finally managed it this month.

So thank you for being so encouraging!

Alias Alice

Enjoyed your twist at the end. I really did not see it coming at all. More than anything, I really liked the way you described nature and the weather. You had a very close contact with it and made it come to life story. Which made you feel for the characters and the elements they were enduring all the more. Thanks for sharing it with a fun tale

Hello, Witchita Red

Thank you for commenting on my story. It was nice to read what you said.

I read your entry to the challenge earlier this month when it first appeared, and I enjoyed it very much. I did not think at the time l would be writing an entry too, and now I come to read your story again, I realise what a number of similarities there are between them! - For example, the boys being stuck somewhere because of the snow, (I loved your phrase "the silent beauty of the falling flakes", by the way), and Heyes's constant anxiety for The Kid. Perhaps I have been copying you!

What is different, I think, is the atmosphere. In your story I think we realise how tough life always is for the boys, and how 'tough' they are. Also I think the dialogue is different. I love how realistic the dialogue seems from everybody in yours, though particluarly that between the boys. Such as:

"Times are you can be the stubbornest hard-nosed bastard I ever have to deal with."

"Feeling's mutual!"

This is so funny and typical!



Alice

Alias Alice: I'm so glad to see you posting. As Red said, your writing was very atmospheric and added depth to your story. I liked how you wove Night of the Red Dog into it and had us believing that the Kid was going to be sick again. Only you added a twist and had Heyes fall ill. Cleverly done!

Hello InsideOutlaw

Thank you for your very kind comments.

Yesterday I read your entry to the March challenge, and was interested by the different spin you put on the title "Under the Weather", making it nothing to do with health.

The whole story was interesting in the way it took us into the conflict in the Kid's mind over Bilson's death. I like the way you show that the Kid is not just a thoughtless, heartless gunman - he has to square things with himself and his conscience, to feel that on the whle what he did was justifiable, even right. A complicated situation.

Heyes: "You said it was a shot in the dark, but it was a shot in the day!" -- Just the sort of witty thing Heyes would say, I think!

Enjoyed this story!