Awestruck Comments

Cornelia May - Very angsty, and the descriptions of the terrible scenes were well done. I loved this line,'growing beyond their years in the matter of a few hours'.

Remuda - I loved the character of Polly, I've got a feeling this little diversion might lead to a lot of fun (for us anyway) if she diverts Heyes from his task. As always the dialogue was sparkling.

Keays - I had read this before in TOF, but it really works as a standalone piece and is very bittersweet. I hope it whets the appetite of others to ready your marvellous story if they haven't already read it.

Bison1 - I loved the way this unfolded through the internal dialogue of the very lucky lady in this story. It was wonderfully written and I think the device of not disclosing the ex-outlaw in question worked really well. So, one question. This Amnesty Appreciation Society - are they competition? It seems so, if one of the boys has been snagged already! We must be vigilant.

Cornelia - How sad. A good account of what happened that day. Loved the last line.

Remuda - Lovely dialogue on this one. Polly sure was persistant, but that was good for Han. Hope he and Jed find each other soon.

Keays - A meloncholy snippet of a wonderfully written epic. How sad it must have been to see that photo.

Bison1 - Loved this! It was written so well. I wanted to know which one it was, but then again, I didn't. I DO know I would've liked to have been that lady!

Cornelia May:What a vivid description of their losses! I like how you switched back and forth between the two partners and still maintained some similarities of their shared experience. Nicely done.

Remuda:I'm so glad you're continuing this story and now giving us Heyes's viewpoint. He seemed very off-balance without the Kid and I liked how disjointed his thoughts and words seemed. I'll be interested to see what Polly's role will be.

Keays:What a great snippet for the prompt! I remember this moving scene from Twist of Fate.

Bison1: Great to see you posting a story! Who could resist our boys and, of course, their proximity reduced her to being tongue-tied. I like how you didn't reveal which partner it was that she was interested in.

MissyBlu: Good to see you, too! I like how a face from the past has Heyes fearing for Kid's future and becoming protective, but I have to wonder if his partner would thank him for it.

Keays -- always impressed how you can fit TOF into a challenge prompt.

Bison1 -- So glad you wrote a story this month. The lady may have been tongue-tied in the arms of one of our ex-outlaws (and who wouldn't be in their embrace?) but she certainly isn't in her inner thoughts. I liked the voice you used to tell your story.

Missyblu -- another contributor I've missed. A very sad story, definitely heart-breaking and well within the prompt. glad you wrote.

InsideOutlaw -- a very heart-pounding chase. As always the Kid was there to watch his back. Glad he got there in time.

MissyBlu - I felt so sorry for Morgan. To be in love and not be able to be with that person has to be awful. Liked the way Heyes let her know Kid would be there the following day. A sad but well written story.

Cornelia May, thanks for your interest in reading the accumulated story. It's not posted in its entirety anywhere, and instead of hunting through six different lists of challenge stories, I've PM'd you a cut and paste of the text file. When it's finished, I'll be rewriting parts of it for flow and/or other purposes before posting in its entirety.

If anyone else would like a copy, please PM me and I'll send it to you the same way. Thx.

InsideOutlaw - That was a heart-pounding story. Loved that Heyes didn't have the heart to run his horse to death. Glad the Kid showed up when he did! Wonderful story!

1) Ghislaine
Ah, both our downward travelling soiled dove and upward travelling beginner outlaw began as good Kansas farm folk, huh? Is that little yellow bird in a cage escaped from ‘The Picture of Dorien Grey’ and her about to be soiled dove mistress? Oh, that was sad Ghislaine – and without forcing the mood. Very well done.

2) Riders
I’m liking it already – just because of the town’s name.
Awww – HH is embellishing Alice’s story with his usual Thaddeus getting married motif.
Very nice vignette, Riders. Liked Alice a lot.

3) Maz
Hey! I got a name check! This one’s getting the cat’s paw vote!! (Only teasing – easily bought though I am!)
Dissection, huh? Yeah – ‘cos , like Christmas, Valentines Day is all about the kids.
Clever take on the title, Maz!

4) Penski
Ah, another sad one. If only Jed had taken that kindly Sheriff’s advice.
Nice and understated, Penski.

5) Yope
Ah, the swiss cheese we like to call Kid Curry shot again. Sips tea and prepares for angst! Smile.
Awwww – you are putting our HH though the loss mill, here, Yope. And possibly a few Kidettes too! Huge hugs for our newbie coming to play on the Challenge!!
Tiny piece of advice – take out the ‘That’s short for Gabriel’ early on. Don’t spell out for the readers – don’t need it.


6) Sistergrace
Uh huh. Methinks I see a historically significant venue and date!
The streets of deadwood are always a muddy wash! How that soap salesman keeps the wolf from the door is a mystery.
Very well told Sister G! Felt the tension even though we know what’s coming.

7) Cornelia May
Oh no!! Not THAT day! You are joining Yope in wringing our withers, huh? Must refill tea. Liking the echoing very much. Sniff. So much growing up in so little time.

8) Remuda
Oh, the hopping trains story! I’m enjoying that one.
Peregrinated? Peregrinated? Someone’s had the ol’ thesaurus out! (Only teasing!)
Just check she isn’t one of us before you climb in that wagon, Han!!
Bless! That was so sweet!

9) Keays
Another tug at the heart strings from you, Keays. Awww. HH all full of paternal pride.

10) Bison1
Hello Bison – long time, no hoof beats!
I am adoring the extended trip and catch explanation. Ah, the Admiration Society. Snickers gently. Yup, those gals can be a tad – grabby. And if you don’t bat your lashes, what the Sam Hill use are they??!! What a hussy!! Tripped my foot! (pun intended) She threw herself at him! Jealous seethe. Watch yourself, lady!
Bison – I utterly loved that from beginning to end, you cleverclogs.

11) Missyblu
Welcome back Missy!
Good hook! Who is Morgan Monroe?? The church hint suggest Valparry??
Oh, it’s a girl. Okay – reading on. Hmm. Don’t want him to have to choose? She’s a bit too angelic for me, Missy!

12) InsideOutlaw
Not polling – as you have a bandana to wash and iron!
Oh! I loved that. Want to hug soft-hearted Heyes until he squeaks!! And his mare. AWWWW.

Sister Grace - You know I'm a sucker for a story with real historical connections, so this well-written, rich in detail, vibrant with characterisations really caught my eye. Loved this.

Cornelia May - Oh, going straight for the jugular with a real tearjerker. I loved the line, 'growing beyond their years in the matter of a few hours.'

Remuda - I love Polly, but surely she won't distract from Heyes' search for poor little Jed. He's out there on his own! I can't wait for the next part of this to find out. As always, a master class in the use of dialogue to tell a story.

Keays - A lovely snippet from Twist of Fate. The way these vignettes keep fitting the challenges is spooky!

Bison1 - Welcome back, you, and your great writing have been missed. What a corker this was! I adored the character (or competitor?) who won the ex-outlaw of our choice, and her attempts to be insouciant, but failing. The following lines were short enough to have been uttered by a straight-talking man of few words, or a silver-tongued devil. Clever writing!

"“Have supper with me,” he whispered, taking a breath at the same time so it sounded nearly anxious.

“Yes,” she replied with her heart before her head could stop it. His arms loosened and their bodies separate slightly. She leaned back into him and stole a kiss. “When?”

“Tonight and every other night for the rest of our lives.”


MissyBlu - Another to welcome back to the fold, and so glad to hear from you again. Oh, Heyes looking after the Kid from a long lost love? Would I be that noble ? Really well-written and caught the emotional turmoil of bumping into an ex so well. I really hope we've tempted you back to stay.

InsideOutlaw - Great story, really capturing the relationship between man and horse. Wonderful descriptive writing which really showed us the mounting anxiety, the chase, and the compassion for the animal willing to give her life for him. Loved the ending

That last comment was me, InsideOutlaw. I got 'gremlined'

MissyBlu- - So Morgan was a long-lost love of the Kid's, and she did the noble thing? The poor Kid didn't even know she was there, because Heyes told her to go? Oh, the tension and the angst. Very well done.

InsideOutlaw - The rhythm of the chase built up as the story gathered pace, and the loyal beast kept right on, and on, and on, for her human. I loved the scene where the horse stood her ground, and the line, "I just figured the craziest, most dangerous way into town and started there.” Great story.

Remuda - As always, the way you tell a story through a conversation is just wonderful! I really enjoyed this tale of Heyes' side of the 'Hopping Trains' and I do look forward to seeing if Polly is a distraction. Let's hope not. Poor little Jed needs him!

Keays - A very sweet scene, and all the sweeter for having read the later parts of the story. I Would encourage those who haven't to read the series.

Bison1 - This was such a different take on the prompt, but I did enjoy this so much. It was amusing, and grabbed the attention right away. What a lucky lady, but I do think it was good that you did not identify the partner she got her claws into - sorry, won... I'm not jealous, honest!

MissyBlu - Morgan Monroe. Oh! She chose to allow the Kid to get away when he could have had a peaceful life, ranching with a woman who loved him. It was very interesting that Heyes saw that life as a trap, but very true to character.

InsideOutlaw - I am not a horsewoman at all, I am a city girl who knows nothing about horses, so I do appreciate it when people can bring me into their world and experience by using writing as good as this. I really felt as though I understood more about the way the rider and horse bond and communicate. Great job.

InsideOutlaw. Nice one to close off the month with. Yes, they will give you they're heart if asked, but only someone who loves them just as much back will refuse to take it!

Cornelia May: I wonder if the first-person narratives are being told in hindsight--they seem too mature for children to be relating the stories but if it were from an adult perspective, it'd make a lot of sense. Poor boys! I really liked this line: "Why'd it happen Han, don't God love us anymore?" Jed whimpered.

Remuda: Wondering…was the terse style of narration because Han was so hungry, thirsty and tired? Oh, he meets a girl? Could it be Clem??? Hmm, maybe not--she has flaxen hair, aflutter (nice phrase there!). Nice description of the dilemma Han found himself in and his resolution to keep searching for Jed. This story gets more and more intriguing!

Keays: Aww, Heyes' lifeline. This passage definitely fits the prompt! That was a heart-breaking chapter, but wonderful to find out about Anya. I've commented elsewhere about this chapter so my remarks here are brief.

Bison1: Fun story! It could be either partner and it's fun to project. My favorite parts where the beginning with the description of what's involved in tripping and the reaction of the universe, as well as the brief dialog at the end. I liked this phrase: ...being a woman with only the appearance of respectability. Welcome back!

MissyBlu: And welcome back to you, too! This story could also have been titled The Heartbreak Kid and could have referred to any one of them. Poor Heyes--always looking out for his partner, who always seems to get in over his head with the ladies. Morgan sounds intriguing and I'd like to know more of her backstory. I really liked this line, because it's showing Heyes doing what he does best: She wasn't alone.

InsideOutlaw: Oh, Kid as deus ex machina! But of course! Loved all the description of the land and the riding--your personal experience always shows in the verisimilitude of your stories. Nice that Heyes treated his horse so well, as evidence by these lines that I really liked: Why should she die for his sins? He didn’t have the heart to allow that to happen.

Ghislaine - I like that you made the reader work on who was narrating. Nicely written character.

Riders - good story! It might be nice to see it expanded into a longer work.

Maz - I loved doing dissections when I took biology.

Penski - interesting piece. I like Kid's response to Heyes' question about being haunted.

Yope - I'm not a regular visitor here. I think this is the first piece of yours that I've read. Nice first impression. Good flow to the story. Are you sure you're just 17?

Now onto the second half of the stories....