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stormr
AllegraW
Bison1
countryrosie
joannb
nm131
Shenango
Fortitudine
Maz
sistergrace
Calico
FrankieASJ
RosieAnnie
skykomish
Penski
InsideOutlaw
HannaHeyes
Ghislaine Emrys
BeeJay
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HannaHeyes

HannaHeyes

Posts : 582
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 45
Location : The Hideout

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 20 Icon_minitimeMon Oct 15, 2012 7:50 pm

INSIDE OUTLAW - I think I was as tense as Heyes and Kid reading through this! I loved the 'icy fingers of fear' line. And I can just picture the description at the end. Very creepy, and good, story!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 20 Icon_minitimeMon Oct 15, 2012 9:22 pm

InsideOutlaw; I'm glad your story ended happily, because half way though it I was thinking ; And I'm reading this just before going to bed?! I was having visons of not sleeping tonight and then having to track you down in order to get even--remember I know where you live!! Great story and I certainly could feel the tingle of fear during that night ride through the spooky woods. No thank you!!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 20 Icon_minitimeTue Oct 16, 2012 1:21 pm

Niekx - I'm so impressed that you're writing in a second language and manage to get the emotions coming through so well in this sad, sweet tale. It was lovely for Kid to have such a memory of his father and very telling of his character that Kid wanted the same for the little boy. I really enjoyed the last conversation between them.

HannaHeyes - The others are right. This tale not only has twists, but it has twisted people in it too. Wonderfully written and you really captured the boys' disbelief at the events unfolding around them. I bet Heyes would never let Kid take a job without consulting him again after this! A great read.

InsideOutlaw - Oooh! I can feel Halloween creeping up on me after that one. How well you wrote the growing fear and the building tension of the animals running away from... You just know it's not going to end well, after the boys ride off, don't you? That's not a normal hairy boy with a tail. (Now there's a sentence I didn't think I'd type today!)

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Penski
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Penski

Posts : 1617
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 60
Location : Northern California

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 20 Icon_minitimeTue Oct 16, 2012 2:58 pm

Inside Outlaw - What a spooky story! Love the night trip with the craziness and the horse being spooked. The boys are persistant in delivering the message, though. What a relief that it was good news and not bad - no telling what might have happened to them! Twisted Evil

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"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
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RosieAnnie

RosieAnnie

Posts : 831
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 102
Location : The Comfy Chair

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 20 Icon_minitimeWed Oct 17, 2012 8:42 am

Inside Outlaw: a good story for the scary month of Halloween. I'm still not quite sure what the son is supposed to be, and I think that shows how well you build and maintain suspense in your story. You let my imagination go to some pretty scary and dark places that, maybe, would not happen if you provided too much information. I also like how Heyes and Curry figure out that the outhouse is where they'll manage to catch and hold somebody, long enough to deliver their papers. Clever!

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"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly."

"The failure in doing something is stopping too soon."
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 20 Icon_minitimeFri Oct 19, 2012 2:33 pm

InsideOutlaw - This really built up the atmosphere so well, especially the part in the forest when all the animals were running away. That mysterious wereboy (If that's what he was) certainly fitted the prompt and the creeping, growing fear was wonderfully written. Clapping... and hiding. scared
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 20 Icon_minitimeSat Oct 20, 2012 4:03 pm

That was good Penski, and I agree--it was a nightmare!!! Poor Kid; living a whole season and a half inside his head and none of really happened. Sounds like a happy ending to me.
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Ghislaine Emrys
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Ghislaine Emrys

Posts : 669
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 37
Location : Arizona

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 20 Icon_minitimeSat Oct 20, 2012 4:39 pm

Niekx: Very nice opening paragraph--you've described Kid evocatively and made me want to find out what's worrying him. Love the "You two usually are as thick as thieves…" line! The young boy's idea to use a kite to communicate with his father is very clever, and I really liked Kid's musings as he interacted with the child. Congrats on your first story--looking forward to reading more from you!

HannaHeyes: What a bizarre story--and I mean that in the nicest way! I was vaguely reminded of the Munsters as I read this story--what a bizarre but comical family. This was really cute: Kid said that she was on the verge of tears when she was talking. I think he was just seeing the water drip down her face. Also love this line: "Apparently, Mr. Farmer is a few people shy of a posse…"

InsideOutlaw: Spooky story for sure. I was all ready to think it was a werewolf haunting the forest--and the boys. Interesting twist, and I liked that it was actually a happy ending. What does this mean: "...his rider sawing at the reins."

Penski: Ohh! A twist in who is Heyes??? Clever! Poor Kid--his confusion was fun to read but altogether understandable. And the bickering--yup. Liked this: “Thought we were goin’ our separate ways.” “Not now—when I say.” All the references at the end were great! A really fun story!

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This is one of my schemes... ~ Hannibal Heyes

http://commentaryasaj.blogspot.com/
http://asjmoviewesternsetc.blogspot.com/
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InsideOutlaw

InsideOutlaw

Posts : 871
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 65
Location : Colorado

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 20 Icon_minitimeSat Oct 20, 2012 5:27 pm

Penski: That was great! What an excellent explanation of the change in Heyes. Luckily, Kid didn't shoot 'Bilson' on sight. I loved the final conversation, too, sorting out what was real and what wasn't.
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RosieAnnie

RosieAnnie

Posts : 831
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 102
Location : The Comfy Chair

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 20 Icon_minitimeSat Oct 20, 2012 5:31 pm

PENSKI: Boy, was that clever! Kid hallucinated all those stories, huh? Works for me! I'm glad Heyes kept him away from his gun,though. I kinda wish . . . ah, never mind.

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"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly."

"The failure in doing something is stopping too soon."
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HannaHeyes

HannaHeyes

Posts : 582
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 45
Location : The Hideout

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 20 Icon_minitimeSat Oct 20, 2012 6:40 pm

PENSKI - I agree...that would've been a nightmare! Liked all the references in the story to different episodes. And glad that the 'real' Heyes showed up halfway through :) Clever story.

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InsideOutlaw

InsideOutlaw

Posts : 871
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 65
Location : Colorado

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 20 Icon_minitimeSun Oct 21, 2012 6:31 am

To answer Ghislaine's question (and anyone else who wondered):

Sorry I keep slipping into horsey language. I don't even realize it! Sawing at the reins really is just what it sounds like. When a horse is a crazed runaway, they can actually stiffen their necks and jaws and clamped down on the bit. You can literally saw, pulling one rein and then pulling the other, to pull their heads from side to side and loosen up their jaws.

And, just in case you are ever actually on a runaway horse, that's not the best way to stop one. You should put one hand braced on the top of the neck and use it to create a slide for the rein in the other hand. You then pull as hard as you can on one rein and it works like a pulley (it's called a pulley rein) and turns the horse's head to the side. This forces them into a circle and the tighter the circle, the slower they have to go. This is the 'english' way--I think our two outlaws would definitely use the rougher method.

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Ghislaine Emrys
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Ghislaine Emrys

Posts : 669
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 37
Location : Arizona

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 20 Icon_minitimeSun Oct 21, 2012 7:59 am

Don't apologize, InsideOutlaw! I love stories that teach me something! Slipping in phrases like that makes stories all the more realistic and believable. Thanks for the explanation--it's not what I was picturing--and the additional info about how to stop a runaway horse. Not that that'll ever be a problem for me since I can't ride anymore. No

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This is one of my schemes... ~ Hannibal Heyes

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http://asjmoviewesternsetc.blogspot.com/
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 20 Icon_minitimeSun Oct 21, 2012 12:00 pm

I do hope I'm not being impudent on commenting already, but I have been reading your stories for so long and said nothing. I wanted to tell you how much I enjoy the writing here.

Riders57 - Spooky story, very good for the season. No wonder the bartender was looking at them funny. Scary end with the child.

Sister Grace - This was very funny. I have met some nuns as outrageous as this. Matching the boys with one of them was such a good idea.

AllegraW- Kyle is one of my favourite characters, so I laughed at the idea of him and Wheat having such a silly bet. Heyes and Curry were like parents. One busy and wanting the mess cleared up, the other wanting to know what they'd done. Funny twist at the end when they just ignored Wheat.

Silverkepie - You write wonderful mysteries which also make me laugh. I miss Abi but is this is a good read. Is Tibby a mad murderer? What an ending!

Silverkelpie - Two stories? This is very creepy. The tension built up and you felt that Heyes would be a very dangerous opponent. This is what he would have done. Dramatic ending and great twist at the end. I didn't see that coming.

Niekx - As others have said this is very bittersweeet and touching. Poor Kid, but at least he had some lovely memories to hang on to. I really enjoyed this.

HannaHeyes - What a madwoman! What a family! I felt as though I was watching this instead of reading it. It drew me into the story. This was full of great twists.

InsideOutlaw - I love your name, by the way. This was very scary, the way the tension built and the animals were running away from something terrible. What was that boy? They really wanted to deliver that letter. They should have got amnesty just for that!

Penski - You described the confusion of the concussion really well. How clever to mix up the two men who played Heyes and their characters, and the way you brought in the episodes was great. I really enjoyed this.



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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 20 Icon_minitimeSun Oct 21, 2012 12:21 pm

Penski - The twists in this were very clever and sometimes subtle, all the way to the end. I enjoyed revisiting the old episodes and see what Heyes remembered and which he didn't. I loved this exchange:

Brown eyes opened and the blue eyes focus on them. “Kid?”

“Heyes… really you.” Curry drifted into a sleep.


Yes. It really was Heyes when it was Pete, wasn't it?


Last edited by Silverkelpie on Sun Oct 21, 2012 4:00 pm; edited 1 time in total
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sistergrace

sistergrace

Posts : 550
Join date : 2012-04-22
Location : Devil's Hole

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 20 Icon_minitimeSun Oct 21, 2012 3:02 pm

Silverkelpie - I cannot think of a more fitting challenge for this time of year, Silverkelpie. I could feel the killer's guilt as intensely as in Poe's "Tell-Tale Heart." I literally had the shivers. So many favorite lines, it's impossible to pick only one stand-out. Okay, so I'll try: "I am the dark." What a suspenseful tale!
(Also, I have not forgotten you also posted an 'overspill' story! I hope to read it very soon.)


Niekx - Congratulations on your first story, Niekx! You gave my motherly heart-strings a good tug because I got a big lump in my throat when the boy said he wanted to fly a message up to his Pa. Sniff! Very nicely written kite tail...I mean, tale.


hannaheyes - The shotgun wedding made for a very spooky Halloween tale. Your phrase "a few people shy of a posse" had me giggling.

InsideOutlaw - Wonderfully weird Halloween story! Your descriptions paint a vivid picture in my mind. Lots of great lines, like: "liquid courage" and, “Keep ‘em coming, Heyes. I’m gonna keep drinking until this makes sense.” Also, “Geez, is it too much to ask that just once you say what I want you to say?” snapped Heyes. Well done!

Penski - Wow, Penski, your tale has more twists than a corkscrew! Loved your confused Curry, as recalled episodes from the series, trying to separate reality from nightmare, or shall I say, trying to separate seasons 1 and 2a, from 2b and beyond. Loud clapping!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 20 Icon_minitimeMon Oct 22, 2012 11:39 am

InsideOutlaw – This was creepy IO! I liked how you brought back the mountain lion in the conversation. Also liked it when Heyes wanted to be soothed away from his fear- great line: “Geez, is it too much to ask that just once you say what I want you to say?” My sister used to joke about being pregnant with a monkey when she was annoyed of people asking if she knew whether it was going to be a boy or a girl. Just imagine the surprise of really delivering one!

Penski – Poor Kid getting so confused. I was watching the “other” episodes last week and noticed again that conversations between Kid and “Bilson-Heyes” are more stressed with lots of irritation on Kids part. I think you described this difference very well in your story. Nice how “Heyes-Heyes” is showing so much more patience with Kid. Loved it!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 20 Icon_minitimeMon Oct 22, 2012 2:16 pm

Penski - This was SO clever! I actually had to read this three times and get my DVDs out to make sure I got as much out of this as possible. You either have an encycopaedic mind or did the same. I loved that Kid saw both Heyeses and got one mixed up with Bilson. So much fun.
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sistergrace

sistergrace

Posts : 550
Join date : 2012-04-22
Location : Devil's Hole

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 20 Icon_minitimeMon Oct 22, 2012 2:19 pm

Silverkelpie's Overspill story - I got a chuckle out of Heyes' selective memory in this line: Heyes gave her a cold stare. “We don’t lie to people..." Right, Heyes. Rolling Eyes

Lots of great lines, lots of savory suspense and...SHEESH! I should have warned the guys not to leave Tibby alone with her! Great story going here, Silverkelpie!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 20 Icon_minitimeMon Oct 22, 2012 2:25 pm

Well I'm finally going to work on getting caught up.

Allegra -- Welcome back! And a cute story. You just can't leave Kyle and Wheat to their own devices can one? Loved Heyes and the Kid's different reactions.

Silverkelpie -- great story. I particularly like the first few paragraphs that truly set the mood of foreboding. A very spooky, twisty tale.

Niekx -- what a wonderful first story. Glad you jumped right in. Very poignant story.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 20 Icon_minitimeMon Oct 22, 2012 10:10 pm

... and finishing the regular challenge stories (I'll do overspill later) ...

hannaheyes -- fun story. The Kid just has to stop looking out for the needy ones, doesn't he? Nice twist that this time his helping the needy causes more trouble for Heyes than for him. I loved the line "One doesn't argue with the universe." Just one question -- why was she all wet at the beginning?

InsideOutlaw -- sheesh, you'd think Heyes was smart enough to know that if a deal seems too good to be true it is -- $100 for a $10 job! Well written; you added to the eeriness by describing the horses fear so well.

Penski -- what a hoot! Love the explanation of the two Heyeses, even the change in the relationship between the two. Truly enjoyed them running through the various episodes to decide which were "real" and which weren't.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 20 Icon_minitimeTue Oct 23, 2012 10:07 am

Now to the overspill stories...

Remuda -- You described the dark and stormy night very well -- I can see how this fit the original prompt, but it is also well suited to this month's prompt. One thing I found very interesting in the story was how the Kid was more attuned to the strangeness of the situation and his assumption of Heyes's personality ebbed and flowed with his proximity to their room, while Heyes stayed with the Kid's personality wherever they were in the town. Very interesting.

Silverkelpie -- Well it will certainly be interesting to see how you explain/resolve this mystery. Another installment up to your normal excellent standards. Waiting impatiently for the rest.Awestruck Comments - Page 20 3239771201
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AllegraW



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Join date : 2012-04-22

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 20 Icon_minitimeWed Oct 24, 2012 1:34 pm

Hey there Niekx


Your first story, huh? Well congratulations and I hope it wasn't too nerve-wracking for you. There certainly isn't any reason to be anxious after all because this is a lovely story with a nostalgic twist in the proverbial kites' tail.

So, Kid was the 'champion kite Flyer in all of Kansas' was he. Those boys certainly know how to brag. They were so good at everything especially at being bad. You've gotta love 'em. I will look forward to reading more from you and, in the meantime, welcome and well done!
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AllegraW



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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 20 Icon_minitimeWed Oct 24, 2012 1:45 pm

Hannahheyes

That family were collectively all madder than Mad Jack McMad, the maddest mad-person in Madland! and I mean that in the nicest possible way! Kid does pick 'em doesn't he, and that was another fine mess he got them into. I grinned all the way through. Happy Halloweeeeeeeeeennnnnn!!!!

Well done
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 20 Icon_minitimeWed Oct 24, 2012 1:57 pm

InsideOutlaw

Well, this time it's Heyes who should know better. Everyone knows that if something sounds too good to be true then it most probably is.

What's the catch to this job??? Duh!

Very spooky tale (and also involving a rather spooky sounding tail - serious imaginings going on there!) - a lovely Halloween gift for us but I'm also very glad that things turned out alright for Mr Skinks and his 'son'.

Oh, and well done to the Kid for getting Heyes outta there at the end before 'Elroy' comes back to celebrate his good fortune!!
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