Awestruck Comments

Ghislaine: As Penski said, a sad tale to start the month. I liked the way the beginning paragraph of the second part of your story echoed the opening paragraph of the first -- nice technique there. A very realistic portrayal of what it would be like for the soild doves of the west.

Ghislaine: This was so very sad and so very well done. Mirroring the two views of the same experience made the story all the more poignant. I found myself thinking a long time about the juxtaposition of the relative freedom of the men and the pitiful, desperate lives of the women. Excellent story!

A sad but true tale reminding us of the real stories behind our fiction.
Well done Ghislaine

Ghis; Everybody else kind of beat me to the punch, but I agree with what has been said. A very sad but powerful story. And of course, at the beginning I didn't know who you were talking about or what the circumstances were but the second point of view made it all clear. Very in depth story.

Ghislaine - Great story, so well written, and what a sad, little tale it was. You so poignantly captured the sad life of the 'mean-looking' woman in the background who's life had come to this dead-end. (It was her, wasn't it?) I loved the historical detail behind this. What a high bar to set for the first story of the month.

Riders57: This story had angst, romance, suspense--all mixed together really well to make a very enjoyable story. I really liked how Heyes and Kid kept looking at each other out of the corner of their eyes, as if they weren't sure what to say or do next. And how nice that Kid did a noble deed, especially since it didn't come back to haunt him but rather helped him instead. I wouldn't have remembered that your Weekly Word Challenge was on the same theme had RosieAnnie not mentioned it in her comments there (thank you!) and I agree, these two stories complement each other perfectly. Did you have that in mind when you wrote the Word Challenge? Favorite line, by Kid: "...I’m gettin’ married,” he added dryly.

A really nice story Riders.

I kept changing my mind as to why this woman was helping the boys.

Thanks for an entertaining read.

Ghis, to answer your question, actually the word challenge came first. I had the final line "I can be discreet" almost immediately and your double challenge discrete/discreet seemed to lend itself to my word challenge response. Once I wrote that, that caused the bunny that led to this monthly challenge entry.

Maz! LOL A literal heart and the Kid educating Heyes. Great scene.

Maz: I love it when people incorporate their own experiences and background into their writing--so now I'm wondering if you really did ever bring in a heart to dissect with your students. Clever and fun story--great to see Kid one-upping Heyes with his "knowledge"! Cute reference to last month with Calico and LOL re a weird British tradition. Happy Valentine's Day to you, too!

Glad it didn't put you off your food.

Yes I have dissected many hearts and it's great fun, especially on Valentine's Day.

Riders: I like how you left a little mystery with Alice collapsing and sobbing after the Kid and Heyes left. Was she heartbroken that he didn't remember her? Was she telling the truth? It seemed as though Heyes had an idea but was sidestepping the question. Either way, it was good.

Maz: I still remember pithing my frog in biology. Thanks (Not) for reminding me. Seriously, this was a clever use of the prompt and I have no doubts you've been knuckle deep in a heart or two.

Riders - A great story, with mystery surrounding the woman does make me think she didn't tell them the full story. Do we get to know? Loved it and really want to know more of the back story - as I guess so many others do. (Hint, hint )

Maz - still laughing! So clever, so funny - but such a literal take on the prompt does make me glad that the prompt wasn't 'kitties,' or the board would be awash with tears.

Penski: The Kid understood exactly what his partner was feeling and was able to help soothe his heartache. I loved the concept of each death being splinters in the heart. I found this to be melancholy and sweet at the same time.

Hello Ladies of the Ex-Outlaw appreciatin' variety. Last month I ended up so far behind that I never did get comments posted for all of the stories. This month I have promised myself to keep up as they are posted so that I don't get overwhelmed. So here is a start on this month's stories.


Ghislaine - Touching story. (No pun intended.) At first I was confused as to who was speaking, but it didn't take long before I became suspicious and then clued in to the plot. I especially liked the part near the end when they see the first narrator standing behind the glass after choosing their partners for the evening. A sad and revealing story.

Riders - Ah, another soiled dove story. Redemption stories are a favorite of mine. This one is charming. I was never sure what was going to happen next. It kept me guessing and was a real pleasure to read.

Maz - Dissection! You wrote about dissection! I have to agree with Heyes, it's a bit weird. But this was fun and hilarious. I enjoyed it immensely and laughed out loud all the way through. It was so much fun that I read it to my husband. Bravo and thanks for the laughs.

Penski: Aww. Another winner here, Penski! Love the angst and comfort displayed by both men towards each other. Interesting that you made it not Heyes' first time. Lots of good lines but I have to say that one didn't ring true for me: We was robbing a train. I think Heyes talks like that only when he's trying to be a hick. My favorite line was: "I aimed for his hand – you know how I always do that.” Also, I really liked your title.

Yope1995: This was a well-crafted story and excellent use of the prompt. I really liked how you wrote the interaction between Heyes and Kid in the cave in the first part of the story. The appearance of the stranger was certainly coincidental but that he was an angel who could perform a miracle was actually quite believable. I also enjoyed the ending where the boys were trying to figure out just what had really happened.

Loved your story Yope! I held my breath there for a moment or two with the Kid dying,but I loved the end!

I also really liked your story Penski,I could see it very well in mind. You don't really think much about them having to deal with killing people,but I like the way you explained their feelings.

Ghislaine - This story is packed with so much emotion and so many details that I found myself reading it several times to make sure I caught everything. So many heart references, the window of course, but the hearts of each of the characters, so damaged. Very sad. Below, I've divided my comments between the two viewpoints. Overall, I'm left with a bleak,empty feeling inside, knowing that no one in that house, not the men or the women, is going to find the "heart's desire" they seem to be looking for.

First viewpoint scene - I find myself wanting to know even more about this woman. She refers to herself as a famous resident, yet I wonder if she was truly famous, or only famous in her own mind. I really liked this line in her self-description - That, at least, was the truth, even if nothing else about me was. I also find myself feeling very sorry, not only for her, but for the two, more vibrant women who were chosen. How long will it be before they, too, find themselves scowling out from behind that heart-shaped window, passed over for anyone younger, prettier?

Second viewpoint scene - I tried to read this envisioning Heyes as the speaker, then with the Kid. It didn't seem to matter. Both young men think they're riding high, but don't yet realize the depths to which they are about to fall, just like the sad and mean-looking gal in the corner, who later ended up old and worn out.

I'm clapping! Very well done!


riders57 - Your story grabbed my attention from the start. Love the name of the town. What I liked best was your veiled reference to the "hearts" that were involved, without coming right out and saying it. Alice's broken heart, which turns into a "heart of gold" when she goes out of her way to save HH and KC, the Kid's big "heart of gold," and Alice's commitment to use Curry's "gold" to turn her life around in the interest of her son's heart.

One of my favorite lines was: It helps that in my old line of work you learn to lie convincingly. Interestingly, Alice says this right AFTER she has told the Kid he's not Johnny's father. Which leaves me to wonder...

Very enjoyable story, riders! Two thumbs up!


Maz - Written like the true scientist you are, Miz Maz! Now, if Gracie had the Kid stashed in her basement, she could think of lots better things to be doin' than some silly ol' science lab experiment! I love your style, Maz, and this short story is no exception!


Penski - Splintered hearts - What a great title! Such a sad and angsty story. My favorite part about your story is that even though both their hearts will bear permanent scars, each partner has the other to help him move on. I had several favorite lines, but this one jumped out at me:

“Bilson’s still haunting you?”

“They all do, Heyes..."


Yope1995 - Your use of imagery was beautifully done, from the raging storm to the Kid's raging fever, from the campfire casting its eerie shadows on the wall of the cave, to the boys discussion the shadow of a strange midnight visitor. It is ironic that Curry, even after knowing he'd been shot and seeing he's now healed, responds very true to character with, “Yeah...yeah, Heyes.” Very well written! Is there really "Someone" out there looking out for us? Good question to ponder.