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stormr
AllegraW
Bison1
countryrosie
joannb
nm131
Shenango
Fortitudine
Maz
sistergrace
Calico
FrankieASJ
RosieAnnie
skykomish
Penski
InsideOutlaw
HannaHeyes
Ghislaine Emrys
BeeJay
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Ghislaine Emrys
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Ghislaine Emrys

Posts : 669
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 37
Location : Arizona

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 19 Icon_minitimeFri Oct 12, 2012 5:06 pm

Remuda: I vaguely remember your "overspill" story. Nice to read it again; it fits the month!

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This is one of my schemes... ~ Hannibal Heyes

http://commentaryasaj.blogspot.com/
http://asjmoviewesternsetc.blogspot.com/
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HannaHeyes

HannaHeyes

Posts : 582
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 45
Location : The Hideout

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 19 Icon_minitimeFri Oct 12, 2012 7:12 pm

SILVERKELPIE - This story with Tibby just keeps getting more interesting!My favorite part was the whole Moby Dick exchange. I laughed hard at that :)
Looking forward to reading the rest of this sm

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Penski
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Penski

Posts : 1622
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 60
Location : Northern California

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 19 Icon_minitimeFri Oct 12, 2012 10:54 pm

Remuda - I remember this story--a great one for this month of spirits and spooks! So glad you resurrected it again! Twisted Evil

Silverkelpie - Oh, so Tibby's story has become a murder. Shocked Dang... can't wait to read more!

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"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
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InsideOutlaw

InsideOutlaw

Posts : 871
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 65
Location : Colorado

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 19 Icon_minitimeSat Oct 13, 2012 6:27 am

Silverkelpie: I'm glad I read your 'Overspill' story with my morning coffee instead of before bed last night--you would have kept me up all night wondering what is going to happen next! You had so many great lines in here. I loved Heyes subtly suggesting that Mrs. Fox was a tramp and his line about "the day they decided to work instead of steal"; but my favorite was your description of Tibby as a turtle without a shell. He sprung up in my mind as a fully visualized character with that one comment. I can't wait for the next part!!
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Penski
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Penski

Posts : 1622
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 60
Location : Northern California

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 19 Icon_minitimeSat Oct 13, 2012 8:33 am

Silverkelpie - What an intense, gripping story and so sad! And yet I can see Heyes doing that if a coward did kill the Kid. My heart is pounding like the man in the story - what a way to wake up on a Saturday morning!

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"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
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Ghislaine Emrys
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Ghislaine Emrys

Posts : 669
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 37
Location : Arizona

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 19 Icon_minitimeSat Oct 13, 2012 10:36 am

Silverkelpie: Another ghost story! At first, I thought it was Abi speaking and then I thought it was Anya. Wishful thinking on my part, I guess! Then it became clear it was an unknown person. A very chilling story and well done. I really liked this very descriptive line: His insouciance was legendary, and I was now watching a criminal comfortable enough in his skin to be caught in the act of housebreaking without turning a hair.

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This is one of my schemes... ~ Hannibal Heyes

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http://asjmoviewesternsetc.blogspot.com/
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 19 Icon_minitimeSat Oct 13, 2012 11:36 am

I'm determined to keep up with comments this month!

Sister Grace - This confused me at first because I've only read serious stories from you, and then I started to 'get' Tipsy Tess and your playful side. If there are any vacancies in that taster team I'd like to put my name forward. Nice work of you can get it, and a fun read.

Allegra - Tie up games? Fifty shades of Kyle Shocked ! I loved the way this story brought out different sides of the boys' characters with Heyes just wanting the mess cleared up and Kid wanting to know more - but then wishing he hadn't. I too loved the ending and them turning a deaf ear to the shouts.

Remuda - What a fantastic well written story and this shows what a great idea the overspill area is if it means that people can re-post older stories us newbies haven't read. The month is turning quite spooky already and we're nowhere near the end of the month yet. It was fascinating how you transposed character traits so well and made it work. I loved the notes at the end.

Silverkelpie (overspill) - I adored the description of Tibby as looking like a turtle without a shell. I now have him fixed firmly in my mind's eye. One thought strikes me, if Tibby is your new character he CAN'T be a murderer. He must have been set up. This is twisting and turning enough to keep me interested, but WHO ARE THEY ALL? I just can't see where you're taking this, but I'm loving the ride.

Silverkelpie (challenge) - Wow! That was gripping, sad and spooky, all at the same time. Wonderfully written. It really got my pulse rate up! I loved this line,"There’s no point in trying to hide in the darkness. I am the dark. I’m the last thing you’ll ever see.”
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HannaHeyes

HannaHeyes

Posts : 582
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 45
Location : The Hideout

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 19 Icon_minitimeSat Oct 13, 2012 12:26 pm

SILVERKELPIE - What a sad, intense story! I liked that at first, I didn't know who was talking. And that's exactly what Heyes would've done. You wrote it wonderfully :) Fits the month and challenge perfectly.

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AllegraW



Posts : 36
Join date : 2012-04-22

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 19 Icon_minitimeSun Oct 14, 2012 2:53 am

Riders 57

There were definitely enough twists in this tale to meet the challenge. I lost count in fact. Marvelous Halloween tale and a little bit of business acumen on top. Clancy may be gone but I notice they kept the special stew recipe!! cool
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AllegraW



Posts : 36
Join date : 2012-04-22

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 19 Icon_minitimeSun Oct 14, 2012 3:06 am

Sister Grace

To be honest I can't think of a better twist to your tale (well, one that would stay PG anyway but enough said). You're not the only one giggling at stories this month. I loved it and just wanna ask if there's any room in the party for one more gal?
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AllegraW



Posts : 36
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 19 Icon_minitimeSun Oct 14, 2012 3:21 am

Silverkelpie

Oh boy - do I ever know how you feel, Silverkelpie. I, too, was shot by Hannibal Heyes some years ago and I have never recovered from it. As a result, occasionally I have been known to write about him... jocolor

...ahem - but enough about me. This tale had all the right amount of spooky, scary, spine-tingling, goose-pimpling, toe-curling, fright that a Halloween horror should have and I enjoyed every word. Well done!
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RosieAnnie

RosieAnnie

Posts : 832
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 102
Location : The Comfy Chair

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 19 Icon_minitimeSun Oct 14, 2012 7:55 am

Allegra: Nice to see you back! And with a little twist, too - I got a kick out of Heyes deciding he just didn't want to hear what happened, and Kid, just a little more curious. And Wheat and Kyle - they them. Or not.

Silverkelpie: Wow, that was a punch in the gut! In a good way, of course. I sure wasn't expecting that ending. The supernatural aspect is good for this time of year, too. I think my favorite line was Heyes: "I am the dark."

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"The failure in doing something is stopping too soon."
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 19 Icon_minitimeSun Oct 14, 2012 11:23 am

Allegra; Cute story, always knew that Wheat and Kyle were still little boys at heart and just couldn't resist a challange! Funny how Kid wanted to know more about the what and wherefore, but Heyes was too pre-occupided with working out the next job. Having two bosses is just as inconvenient as have two parents! You might get away with it from one, but not the other.

Silverkelpie; Two stories from you--arn't you prolific! And I learned another word again, you just keep 'em coming. Your Tibby tale is getting very interesting now and I'm waiting in pins and needles to find out what happened and how the boys are going to get out of this one. It's always something with those two.
Loved your haunted house story. Wasen't quite sure myself what was going on at first. Thought maybe it was Heyes or Kid in the first voice but then you did a 'twist' and it turned out to be a stranger who had done a foul deed. Interesting how we've had stories where Heyes and Kid had found themselves in a haunted house or hotel, but I think this is the first where they (or at least one of them) was the one doing the haunting. Good story.
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Maz

Maz

Posts : 441
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 59
Location : London, England

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 19 Icon_minitimeSun Oct 14, 2012 2:17 pm

Oh they're coming in thick and fast I can't keep up!!

Grace..what a naughty nun! Love the tale wih a twist idea.

Okay..who's next??

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Obstacles are put in our way to see if we really want something or only thought we did: Edison
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HannaHeyes

HannaHeyes

Posts : 582
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 45
Location : The Hideout

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 19 Icon_minitimeSun Oct 14, 2012 3:11 pm

NIEKX - Yay, your first story! And it was a good one :) Liked Kid remembering back to his childhood days. Then the little boy's request and reason for it was sweet and heartbreaking at the same time. Very good first entry!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 19 Icon_minitimeSun Oct 14, 2012 3:20 pm

Niekx - bittersweet and lovely. A great first story. Very well done

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 19 Icon_minitimeSun Oct 14, 2012 3:54 pm

Great first story Niekx. Sad and sweet at the same time. Comes across true to the characters and very real.
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RosieAnnie

RosieAnnie

Posts : 832
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 102
Location : The Comfy Chair

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 19 Icon_minitimeSun Oct 14, 2012 4:58 pm

Niecx: congratulations on jumping right in with your first story. As the others have said, it was very sad and sweet at the same time. I look forward to seeing what you come up with in the future!

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"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly."

"The failure in doing something is stopping too soon."
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InsideOutlaw

InsideOutlaw

Posts : 871
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 65
Location : Colorado

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 19 Icon_minitimeSun Oct 14, 2012 5:05 pm

Niekx: Awesome first story! I loved that you took Kid's sweet, savory childhood memory and brought it around to their present circumstances with Kid reflecting on where they were now. Well done!
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InsideOutlaw

InsideOutlaw

Posts : 871
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 65
Location : Colorado

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 19 Icon_minitimeSun Oct 14, 2012 6:43 pm

HannaHeyes: I loved the line about almost deflating his lung--I'm going to have to remember that one! Good, creepy halloweenish tale. I could just picture Veronica dancing about with her feathers and her awful grandmother and brother lurking nearby. No wonder Heyes gets sick of Kid helping the 'needy' ladies!!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 19 Icon_minitimeMon Oct 15, 2012 2:12 am

HannaHeyes - Wow, that was one strange family, wasn't it? No wonder Heyes had a bellyful of Kid's needy people. This was certainly a twisting, twisted tale of twisted people. Really well done.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 19 Icon_minitimeMon Oct 15, 2012 12:43 pm

riders57 - I didn't see that coming! Really nice twist there.
I really liked how you described the worn down room in such great detail. The heavy raining and how it transformed the scene was a brilliant description. The clerks remark that it has rained every day since the fire was quite eerie. You succeed in making a ghost story without too much supernatural elements, well done.

sistergrace - That was a funny story! Liked the twist that the "nun" was a brew tester! And she got the boys a bit tipsy too. Good story.

AllegraW - So the twist was the twisted fuse? I liked the banter and embarrassment from Kyle an' Wheat. Heyes walking away while Kid wanted to know what it was all about was deffo in character for the both of them. Nice one!

Silverkelpie - Ooh did not expect that, good twist. The plot is very sad though, can't believe someone would do that to Kid, just after he got amnesty! Great story!

Niekx - Welcome to the story challenge! Awh, your story really tugs on the heartstrings. Poor lad, losing his dad and that making Kid think about his own dad. Very nice story.

hannahheyes - That was one crazy family. I'm glad Kid came in when he did and saved Heyes. That's the last time (hopefully) Kid falls for a damsel in distress! Great story!
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Penski
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Penski

Posts : 1622
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 60
Location : Northern California

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 19 Icon_minitimeMon Oct 15, 2012 1:24 pm

Niekx - What a great first challenge - so much better than my first one! Loved the memory of happier times when he made a kite with his pa and beating Han's bought kite with his homemade one. I could see the Kid getting melancholy with seeing the youngster without a pa. Especially loved the bantering at the end. Very good!

Hanna Heyes - Now if that ain't the craziest family they've ever met - a bunch of psychos! Loved the squirrel tails and the shotgun wedding. No honeymoon for the groom - any groom. What a story!

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"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 19 Icon_minitimeMon Oct 15, 2012 1:41 pm

Thank you all for your kind words! I had a troubled week and it showed in the story. I will make sure to loose my "Droopy" mood when trying a second time. Promise!
sunny

Riders57
Spooky story, Heyes and the Kid meeting up with their old friend like that. “…nobody listens to me anyways…” – in the end of the story that remark of Clancy turns out to be so true, since he's not really there..

Sistergrace
Quit a tong twister there. Wonder what will happen after a night of drinking. While sober I already slipped at "Timpson" …hmm this story makes me thirsty…..anyone?

AllegraW
What a great story Allegra. I could really see it happening before me! Heyes and Kid acting like a couple of irritated parents. Then what do you expect…the gang is going to behave like kids…again, agAIN, AGAIN!

Silverkelpie
Great tension build in your story. “…how quickly that frightened little child could return, seeing nebulous forms in the shadows or hearing the monster under the bed. …” I really loved that sentence and put me right back in my former attic room, sleeping with my hand next to the light switch - ‘just in case’.

Hannaheyes
Oh wow, this is really a twisted story. If there ever was a shotgun wedding – this is it! Good to see Kid finally found his match and “holds Granny at gunpoint”. Apparently in English the expression goes “you look like a drowned rat” well in Dutch you would say “you look like a drowned CAT”…missed extra points there!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 19 Icon_minitimeMon Oct 15, 2012 2:15 pm

Oeh, Silverkelpie!
Now, why did I read that story (Mere words II) right before going to sleep (or attempting to at least). I want to know why, what, how? Really liked the coolness with which Heyes looks at the situation and kept reading. Is Moby Dick a clue? Dont let us wait too long!
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