Awestruck Comments

Fortitudine - Love how you start out with the Kid reading the paper - he's no dumbie. And Heyes is losing his touch if he didn't know he had a passenger onboard. Feel horrible for Josie - what a life with no one to love her and willing to do anything to escape. Nice how Heyes "put her to rest". Wondering how the Kid would have handled the situation. Had to google and didn't see a Lucien or Josephine Boudreaux that fit this bill. Know how many writers take a real-life situation and add the boys to the story. What a sad little tale!

Remuda - What a well-written interesting tale of Pharmer Dell and his family. Very interesting how you wrote an ASJ challenge/story with never using the words "Heyes" or "Kid Curry" and yet we knew exactly who you meant. Cute how they didn't unload the wagon immediately but the next day, with help from the townsfolks. Nice little story.

Calico - Wow... You spoiled us with one of your serious stories (my favorite)! Oh, they get their amnesty, but feeling lost. Love how you went 5 years earlier several times! "Actions have consequences"... one of Calico's favorite things to point out. Not a happy New Year having received that news. And then young outlaws reflecting how they should get out before they can't - should have listened to their own advice. Then separated and not doing well - one just killed and one's in jail. Loved the resolutions at Valparaiso. Hey, is that Alex?! 'Course, you didn't name him, but it is, huh? So sweet learning about resolutions from their fathers. Favorite line - A simple philosopher and a designated thinker drain their glasses.

Inside Outlaw - So glad you resurrected this piece since I don't get to the word challenge area. Another story where Heyes comes to grips with the consequences of his thieving. Like how he admited to loving that life, but realizing he couldn't do it. And the prayer... loved that part of the story! Lots of angst in this short story! Favorite line - He wasn’t a pretty good bad man; he was an excellent one.

RosieAnnie - Boy, did this story beg for more explanations - glad to hear it's part of a longer story coming soon! So Heyes is a lawyer? Where's the "real" Kid? And Fred's back to pretending he's the Kid - what happened to Penny? Very interesting plot you have going on here.

GREAT stories, everyone!

Very interesting story RosieAnnie! You certainly took us all by surprise with the true identity of the lawyer! And Ole' Fred is back to getting into trouble and dragging Kid Curry into his mess! Looking forward to the longer story cause it looks like it's going to be a good one!

11) RosieAnnie
Oooh… I’m intrigued by the lawyer already having been famous once. Should I google or read on?
Ah! The lawyer is dear old HH. And he’s got Fred in a cell again. Clever.
What a good set up, Rosie, for a cunning variation on The Day They… Keep writing!

Ooh -- nice way to end the year with three such good tales.

Calico -- I really like the technique of progressing (regressing really) through the years in five-year increments of failed resolutions and hopes.

Inside/Outlaw -- I thought this sounded vaguely familiar, then I read the beginning that it grew out of a word challenge. Really enjoyed it. Especially liked the "population formerly zero, now two" line.

RosieAnnie -- ah a great ending for the year. Really looking forward to the rest of the story and where the Kid is now. Clapping hard.

Fortitudine - What a wonderful story. It certainly didn't head off where I thought it was going to, and was all the better for that. No wonder the memory haunted him. 'What ifs' are always the worst.

Remuda - The characteristics of the boys was so well laid out in this that you never had to mention their names, we knew who they were the minute you mentioned that they didn't like work that was hard on the back. Clever to take a look at the memories they left in their wake in this take on the prompt.

Calico - Very clever to keep regressing them back five years at a time to look at actions having consequences. I loved the line 'A simple philosopher and a designated thinker drain their glasses.' Clapping

InsideOutlaw - Heyes looks at his life through more mature eyes in this one, suddenly realizing the consequences of his actions as Kid's injury gave him far too much time to over think things. Quite a few wonderful lines, but my favourite was 'He wasn’t a pretty good bad man; he was an excellent one.'

RosieAnnie - Loved this. I did spot who the lawyer was, but not who was claiming to be Kid Curry. As others have said there is so much more to be written on this one and I look forward to reading that with relish. I hope you post the rest soon.

I'm back home again and I can truly recommend Madrid for a long weekend destination. We had a wonderful time - so much to see and do - and whilst I was travelling there were more stories posted:


Calico - I love your stories and especially your serious ones. You let the boys away with so little and this was no exception. The way this regressed through the years to the bittersweet moment where their fathers say that no matter what they became they knew they'd make their parents proud. Clapping hard.

InsideOutlaw - So glad you expanded on this word challenge. It's a great story and another one where consequences are considered long and hard. I loved the prayer, and as others have said, there are so many good lines, I loved this one; 'He wasn’t a pretty good bad man; he was an excellent one.'

RosieAnnie - Adored all the subtle hints all the way to the end, when we found out who the lawyer was and the man claiming to be Kid Curry. So looking forward to reading more of this.

My 2013 resolution: do NOT get so far behind with my comments!

MAZ: I really had to think long and hard about this one, and that was because of the themes I perceived. It's all about regret and loneliness. How did I ever come to this place? The isolation that Kid and Heyes feel contrast sharply with their memories of their lives on the ranch. One other thing I noticed about Kid's predicament is that the sheriff doesn't address him by name. Is that because Kid just got mixed up in a fight somehow, and is jailed under the Jones name? In that case, the loneliness he and Heyes are feeling is even more profound. ays

PENSKI: I enjoy these vignettes of Jed's and Han's young life in Silky's home. Sounds like they've settled in. But you never can forget the past, as Jed discovers. He's more reflective than Heyes is here. But Heyes remembers what's important. "I'd rather spend Christmas with my family." The tone of their memories and interactions feels just right.

KEAYS: It's easy to see why Heyes would be feeling reflective. It's the holiday, the anniversary, and he and Jesse are alone, with no distractions other than chores. You show the trusting relationship the two men have here. Heyes feels safe enough to talk about his feelings - how many men will do that!! My favorite line is when Jesse says Heyes is "damaged but still fighting."

HANNA HEYES: Well, Heyes is a party pooper, isn't he? You characterize their situation well, and it's easy to see how Heyes could be feeling discouraged. The visitor says "That anger will be your undoing someday." Here's hoping he can learn to release it. Maybe he will, since he got the best Christmas present possible!
I like that the last part shows them giving back.

FORTITUDINE: What I took from this was, even doing the right thing can have unintended consequences. Heyes knew what kind of dangers a young girl faced, and he was right to send her back to her family, where her physical safety, at least, would be assured. Given his background, he wouldn't be too sympathetic to a young girl who had a home, clothes, and food, but felt lonely. But Josie keeps returning to him for help, even though her offer "appealed to a nasty little part of him." She must have seen something in him, some decency, or she would have just kept with the bad company she kept finding. The ending is realistic but still shocking: "even buffalo hunters got noses." That one line says it all. But I'm still a bit confused. Was she killed, or did she commit suicide?

REMUDA: I like seeing the boys as others might have seen them. It sounds like they had a pleasant job for a change, without any particular danger or threat. And hey, I bet they even got paid!

CALICO: You took the prompt and ran with it. There is so much I enjoyed about this. So much of regret and missed opportunities run through this story. . . and the bit about actually getting the amnesty? Now that they have this chance, what will they do with it? Actions do have consequences, after all.

INSIDE OUTLAW: You know I like this very much. You took us inside all the thoughts running through Heyes' head, and we never get lost. One thought leads to another and another as he worries, watches the sky, tends Kid, and overthinks. He is a man of words, after all.

HannaHeyes - A great idea to have the boys visited by the ghost of amnesty present after having him brood on the consequences of actions past. I really thought this was going to have him turn back to crime again, but it all turned out to a happy ending, even for the orphans. Very seasonal and lots of fun!

Fortitudine - Wonderful story. How did she die? Did someone murder her? Was Heyes feeling guilty because he didn't protect her? What I loved most about this story is that you don't idealise the boys, he was tempted to use her, although he beat that instinct down. This really stayed with me.

Remuda - So this virtual ghost town is visited by two men who didn't like work that was hard on the back and had tied down guns. I wonder who that could be? This was such an interesting angle, as they never have their names mentioned nut there is a real sense of them throughout the story. Very clever, and Pharmer Dale!? Great name

Calico - This is another story where the boys have feet of clay, and the way you showed their gradual slip into lawlessness. A great touch having the amnesty as an anti-climax. Life is like that so often. I loved the line. 'You’re not Kyle – don’t pretend you’re dumb enough to believe otherwise.'

InsideOutlaw - So much to love about this one, and so many good lines. 'He wasn’t a pretty good bad man; he was an excellent one.' I have read quite a few of your word challenges and thought they would be wonderful if they were expanded (Not that they weren't great in the smaller version)and sadly I don't comment enough due to a busy life. Heyes' self-examinings are always interesting because he's such a thinker. I loved the prayer.

RosieAnnie - This was so much fun. Heyes is a lawyer and living under yet another alias? Of course he is. Just how big a spanner has this fake Kid Curry thrown in the works? I can't wait to find out.

Argh. I guess I have to do some 'splainin' (which means I didnt' do as good a job on my story as I thought). Josie committed suicide by hypothermia, knowing what was going to happen when she rode into the Badlands.

It's a fairly gentle way to die.

Happy New Year everyone! I've spent the first day of this new year enjoying some reading time, thanks to all of you!

stormr - Awww... (Grace wipes at a sentimental tear.) What a happy challenge! HH and KC, five years down the road, amnestied and with kids! What more could we readers ask for our favorite former outlaws? Warm fuzzy. Very nice.


Riders57 - That was definitely a "gotcha" opening paragraph! Definitely hooked me. Loved the closing paragraph too - very powerful and somber in tone. I really liked the way you allowed your readers to figure out that the very young Jed Curry is now coming to a full realization of the implications of having become "Kid" Curry, gunman, without coming right out and spelling out all the details for them. Gotta love a writer who trusts her readers to connect the dots. Thank you for the back-story on Bart McCracken! It makes a wonderful Christmas present! XO - Grace


Maz - Oh, a ranch days story! You've written some really wonderful banter between the fellas of the Bar T. One-eyed Polly...snirt! Uh-oh, so the boys have been split. Hmmm... And only Miz Maz knows how long it'll be until they reunite. Good stuff, Maz!


Penski - Loved the cook's line about not being mad due to Jed's innocent grin. I can fully understand how that young fella would have gotten away with much of the sassy stuff he probably did! A very enjoyable and well written look back to Han and Jed's youth and also a glimpse of their lives at Silky's place.


Keays - Awww...Ellstrom is Heyes' middle name! ;) This line seems quite fitting given your own recent marriage: “I guess that's why when you do meet someone special—and the timing is right, then it's quite a wonderful thing.”


hannaheyes - This is one wise ghost Heyes has an encounter with, who also gives wonderful advise. Favorite line: I don't have to remind you of your past. It's all too vivid to you. That's part of your problem. You dwell too much on the past. Nope, I'm here to help you be thankful for what you got. I also liked how the close of your story mirrored the beginning.


Fortitudine - Those final words echoing from the past left me with a chill. Very well written piece, but sad! Oh, so sad! Sniff!


Remuda - This was a unique piece, very different from your "Saddle Talk" series that we have become pleasantly accustomed to. Rather than the challenge containing all conversation, this challenge contained NO conversation at all. Well-written.


Calico - Glad to see you have shared a challenge piece with us this month, Calico! Very interesting tour through the boys' pasts. Joyful, sad, sobering, all at the same time. Enjoyed this line a lot: A simple philosopher and a designated thinker drain their glasses.


InsideOutlaw - Since I haven't been keeping up with the word challenges, I'm glad you decided to "re-gift" us with this one on this section of the board. Your story had a lot to say and I enjoyed it, thoroughly! Really liked this line: He wasn’t a pretty good bad man; he was an excellent one.


RosieAnnie - Oh! What a surprise! Jake Wheeler is... well, I don't want to give anything away for anyone who hasn't read your challenge yet, but that Jake is "who he is" and that "Kid" is... I like it! Looking forward to the expanded version. Loved this line: If he gets any more thorough, we might have to get married.

Storm - So glad that you decided to play. This was a very fun and lovely little story. I enjoyed the banter, and it wasn't until you mentioned a new baby that I realized what was going on. Very fun, true to character, and a joy to read. Good job.

Riders - I found this story gripping, well crafted, and a joy to read. The opening description is vivid and evocative painting a picture of a gritty reality none of us truly wish to experience. The first sentence grabbed my attention like a hand grasping my throat, and it didn't let me go until the end. Great job.

Maz - This one is sad. I loved the peek at the Bar T from the perspective of a very different life. Of course, it just makes me want to know more. How did they leave the Bar T? How did they end up where they each are? How did they split up? What did Curry do to end up beaten and in jail? You have a lot of work to do, Ms. Maz. I am anxious to read more.

I am finding that not all of my comments are rosy and bright this time around. I hope that I don't offend anyone, but I want to be honest with my comments. I remember BeeJay once saying that she hoped this board could be a place where we can honestly and openly comment on each others stories with the hope of becoming better writers. (If I paraphrased you inaccurately, BeeJay, please forgive me.) So with that goal in mind, I went ahead with some less than bright comments.

Penski - Warm and touching scene. It made me wonder how old they are here. Jed seems VERY young. Heyes felt older to me. They didn't seem to have much worldliness or harsh experience. It made me think that they somehow went directly from Valparaiso to Silky's place. The ginger snaps were a very nice touch.

Keays - This one seemed odd to me. It felt unattached and adrift. Maybe that is simply because I haven't read the larger piece from which it came. For me at least, it didn't work well as a stand alone story. I did appreciate the line about Abi bringing out the outlaw in him. The Heyes I loved so in the series, the man who could figure out a way to solve anything no matter how outlandish the plan and who was charming and good natured and could laugh at his own foibles and who was always willing to try again to reach a goal, seemed conspicuously absent in this story. Did prison change him completely? How truly sad.

Hannaheyes - This one was a stumper for me. I read it through 3 times and pondered it. I came away with one big question. Do you really see Heyes as an anger crippled character in the series? I just don't see him that way, I wondered if there was something in the episodes that I was missing?

Nope, don't see Heyes that way at all in the series, but with the events he's lived through, I imagine sometimes he would think about them and get down. Just in this story, he was mad to begin with, waiting so long for amnesty, and he just kinda started dwelling on other things that made him angry, i.e. all that he's lost in his life, having no money, ect. And I would imagine Christmas not being very enjoyable for him since he had lost all his family. So I guess that would've been the main point of the story, that its okay to go on with your life when your past has been littered with loss and disappoint. :)

And I do appreciate your honest comments. Like you said, it's to help make one a better writer So no hard feelings here

Happy New Year!

Fortitudine - This story was enthralling, touching, sad, and very well written. Poor young thing preferring death over a return to her relatives. In some ways I thought her weak, refusing to tough it out for a few more years until she could take control of her life, but teenagers are not rational adults. I was surprised that you had Heyes threaten to slap her. I knew he didn't mean it, but I am more accustomed to him using a sharp and barbed tongue when angry or frustrated with someone. I enjoyed reading this, and thought that you did a great job.

Remuda - Very different and interesting angle. It reminds me in some ways of RosieAnnie's first story told from the viewpoint of the young girl who didn't know who Heyes and Curry were. I knew instantly when they arrived just by your narrative. No need to mention names when you are so well versed in their traits. Pharmer Dale is an inspired name for that character. A well written and interesting vignette.

Calico - I always love your serious stories. This one is no exception. By the end you had me securely wrapped in melancholy musings of regrets and might-have-beens. Here are some of my favorite lines:

“Some people might say, then, he’d no business taking the easy way out!” The words cut through the chill air. Heyes faces his partner. “I wouldn’t – not being one to cast stones – but some people might.

“We might like folk making something big outta us never having shot anyone, Kid, but this isn’t the first time we’ve realized actions have consequences, is it? You’re not Kyle – don’t pretend you’re dumb enough to believe otherwise.”


A minute ago Howie Carter was a man. Not a particularly good man. Had him a mean streak... But still, a living, breathing human being. He had a mother who loved him; an old mongrel dog who adored him. Howie had hopes and fears and, maybe, a chance to change. After all, he wasn’t much past twenty.

I was touched and saddened by the exchange at Valparaiso as Heyes lets a dream slip through his fingers to stay by his friend. Who can say what was the right or wrong decision in that circumstance?

Your serious writing is always thought provoking and unyieldingly honest, but still preserves the characters of both Heyes and Curry as we meet them in the episodes. Wonderful writing. I am standing and clapping very hard indeed.

Inside Outlaw - This one is very visual and evocative. I loved the descriptions of the town and the weather. Some particular favorites of mine follow:

The old rocker squeaked terribly, but the wind howling through the abandoned ghost town swept the sound away.

The gloom of the storm seeped into the building and the shadows grew around him.

He glanced up at the sky and saw the hazy curtain of rain sweeping towards him.


The description of the town and Heyes' mood are bleak, and both of them seeped into my mood. Excellent writing.

I did wonder about the effectiveness of cauterizing a wound that had gone septic to the point of red streaks radiating from the wound. Have you done the medical research? I am always interested to learn new things about the medical realities of the nineteenth century.

Heyes' musing about the possibility that their robbery had killed the town was very interesting. Good story with very affective writing.

RosieAnnie - This is a wonderful set up!! I am so glad that it is the start of something longer. I will eagerly await the rest of the story. Beautifully written and completely engaging. By the way, I recognized familiar traits in Jake Wheeler from the very beginning. You crafted him very well indeed, and I was sure of his identity. However, I was taken totally by surprise about the identity of the prisoner. Well done with both characters. Great Job.

Yes...back in the day, surgeons used boiling treacle.

If you are truly interested (and don't mind some gruesome photography), chapters 3, 6 and 10 contain a great deal of historical wound information.

http://www.cs.amedd.army.mil/borden/Portlet.aspx?ID=a99f565c-4029-4f74-b57a-2a6747614173

Interesting. When you consider the antibiotic properties of honey, they don't sound like they were too far off. Sure wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of either of these treatments!

Thank you both, IO and Fort. I appreciate the education.

I am always nervous to include any actual injuries in a story, because I know that we have several board members with medical knowledge. BeeJay seems to research old medical treatments as a hobby. Being someone who favors accuracy in both my writing and in what I read, I find the topic of injuries a bit daunting. I applaud those of you with the courage (and knowledge) to forge ahead and write on these topics.

By the way, Fort, I realized what Josie "Brown" did by riding alone into the Badlands when I read your story. Perhaps a mention of the local weather or temperatures would have made the chances of hypothermia clearer to the reader

And Hannaheyes, thank you for your response. I appreciated reading your thoughts on your story.

I think it was Ghislaine who recommended "Bleed, Blister and Purge" and I added it to my library. Came in handy when I was preparing a presentation on Civil War medicine earlier this year.

Fortunately, I am surrounded by RNs at work and one of them even reads my fanfic. She used to be in the coroner's office (!) and is an invaluable resource.

That was very clever SisterGrace! It took me a minute to figure out how a bounty was going to come into this story. I actually had to finish reading the whole thing before the penny finally dropped! Well done.

Sister Grace - My, what an excellent use of the prompt and very different from what others are probably planning! LOVED the comparison of Mutiny on the Bounty with the pilot. Very clever and well-written!

Yes Rem; this is an exert from 'Ghosts'. I just couldn't resist the 'five years later' challenge! I was wondering myself if there were too many 'hmm's' in there but as you surmised; Heyes is in a reflective mood and feeling a little down about things so I thought that it would help to convey that feeling. Still, having said that I may delete a few of them when I post the longer version. Thanks for your comments!