Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ... April 22

Remuda – Alright, I love childhood stories. Little Jed in school is so cute. I can imagine him being fond of a kind (female) teacher. I always had the impression Kid Curry was a smart one, but mostly leaves the talking to Heyes, who really enjoys it to share his thought with others – willing to listen or not. Being on his own the Kid does very well though, or if the cause is important enough to him.
It would have been great to see Jed Kid Curry as a real lawman at some point in his life. It would be a good way to make a living for him once the boys gain their amnesty. The history is filled with enough examples of men who changed to the right side of the law after they ended their life of crime.
I really like Jed’s ideas and the explanation he comes up with for the single lettered word, which is a word in deed in English (there’s no such thing in German).

Penski - I absolutely agree: Lorraine was crazy like a loon; the closest thing to a psychopath we see in the entire series. Maybe she had a terrible past, but honestly, I just don’t care. If she is damaged, she’s damaged beyond repair.
Lom’s behavior gave me a very bad feeling. Why would he act like that? I always wondered what would happen if he and/or the Governor would catch that it must have been Heyes who opened the safe in first place. Being pretty pissed is the least I can imagine.
I’m glad the Governor was so sympathetic after all. Things could have gone way worse.
With your story you gave us a good explanation why their probation time was prolonged and the series could continue for another season with the boys still trying for amnesty.

Dan Ker – First of all: I just love childhood stories. Getting tow of them in one monthly challenge is a real treat.
I love your descriptions and your characterization of the boys. Even at this young age Heyes gets into trouble without his cousin. Locking up a kid - even more in the dark – was always a horrible thought for me. Your worst nightmares creep out of the corners of your mind and threaten to come true. It teaches nothing and is pure cruelty; taking away everything even the light for punishment. It can do a lot more harm than good.
That sheriff who sent the message seems a fine one to trust with keeping up the law and the warden is not one bit better. They developed a quite unique logic: if the money isn’t enough anyway, why don’t keep the spare funding they got? Just great!
The boys already show hints of them men they once will be – with all their good and bad habits. I doubt that their pranks will have a good outcome after all, but the story leaves us with the feeling they got back on everyone who deserved it, and that’s fine for me. Thank you for sharing this fine story with us.

Nightwalker: You really drew me into the narrative with the present tense. I think writing in present tense is very hard to pull off successfully, but you've done it. I love that Heyes' alias is selling ladies' undergarments, and that Curry's demeanor and blue eyes successfully distracted the witnesses. Too bad Heyes and Curry didn't think through the idea of robbing trains and getting a name a bit more!

Remuda: You take what might be a simple few moments in a child's life and show us the complexity and thought processes of that child. it's a good reminder, in stories as well as in real life, to look below the surface. That's where we find the inner life of our characters and their motivations.

Penski:  It makes perfect sense that word of that robbery would get out, and that Lom would hear about it. This story is a good use of the prompt; by the letter of the law, they robbed a bank. At least they got to tell their tale and explain the extenuating circumstances.

Dan Ker: Our boys, especially Han, had to learn how to be sneaky at a young age. They were both very clever to pull the pranks they did, but I think they will be punished for them, even without proof. That orphanage was more of a jungle than a safe, learning environment. No wonder our poor boys grew up to be outlaws.

Nightwalker:
What a fun story. I really like outlaw-days fics. Especially when they contain clever Hannibal Heyes plans. And this one sure does. Using the Victorians' horror and embarrassment over women's unmentionables... *chuckles wickedly* Even if the clever plan only serves as a cover for piping the next stagecoach.
We seem to encounter a smart and dutiful sheriff, eager to prove himself as a proper detective. That could spell trouble for our boys. But the poor man. What is he to do with a witnesses like that? Love the statement with the descriptions of the robber. Kudos for managing to squeeze such over the top, Mary-Sue-ish descriptions into a story without it being Mary-Sue-ish.
Back to the poor sheriff: To be saddled with a name like that... *humming “Sheriff B. Cute” to the melody of "Johnny B. Goode" to herself – yes, there is a song waiting to be written here*
And speaking of names - can it really be? Does the tricky lady from "The Great Shell Game" make an early appearance? If so, no wonder that she immediately picked on the blue-eyed one in the series. I am glad that she came to her senses in the episode and finally more than "noticed" the dimpled one, though. *nods seriously at world being made right again*
I particularly loved Heyes's pre-parting shot at the sheriff. Yup, "good luck" indeed. Oh, the poor law man has no idea what he has just unleashed. (And I think I truly may have watched Pirates of the Caribbean too often, because “a man more wicked” made me immediately think “a man so wicked that hell itself spat him back out again” – even after all the years)
The sheer affront – Heyes a mere sidekick?! He will certainly remember this sheriff’s name. I would love to see the boys on their amnesty quest running into Sheriff Cute again.
Fun interaction between our boys and an interesting take on how their careers progressed. Many writers seem to have Heyes as a gang member and the Kid later joining up to be re-united with Heyes (probably due to the episodes of Wickenburg and Return). I think I prefer your alternative of them embarking on their career together. Maybe they split up later because one robbery didn't go as planned?
I love the last image, of them riding off. So young and carefree. If only it could have lasted. *sighs*

As I already told you elsewhere, well done for writing in English. But may I say that this time, I noticed a few rough bits here and there? I know, glasshouse and stones. *ducks* There were also many excellent bits. I particularly liked your short descriptions of Heyes's appearance, the way you used them to let us know his thoughts, mood, hidden meaning, especially during his interactions with the sheriff. It made me see Pete act this out. You also managed to come up with some killer lines (like the "good luck" one).

After having read some other comments, I can’t believe I missed Heyes’s alias William Gates. Oh you sneaky, crafty so and so. Kudos. Our genius playing Bill Gates… Inspired choice. *takes hat off to you*


Remuda:
Aw, a childhood story. (See, what I did there?) Creative take on the prompt. Your writing was so compelling that, once I understood the assignment, I felt compelled to look for possible words myself. Would the name "Al" count? Well, if Kid had German ancestors, he could have added Wal (German for whale). *nods proudly*
Miss Jones, is it? *raises one eyebrow* And really, a Miss Smith as well? *snortgiggle*
I have to admit that I usually don't like children (much), but I like the way you are writing them. Very real and believable, not just going for the "oh how cute" factor, but going deeper and taking their little problems seriously. It turns the children into proper characters. Yes, playground politics seemed so big and important back then. Jed wanting to do well without being a teacher’s pet. And not wanting the teacher to antagonise a bully on his behalf.
Interesting to see Jed wanting to avoid trouble with the bully so much. He sure changed later, to where he goes literally out of his way to put them in their place.
I am wondering a little where Han is in all this (apart from whispering in Jed's head and helping him even if he's not there physically). They are not that much apart in age for him not to be in school. Hmmm, detention, maybe?
Not quite sure I can follow Jed’s logic about "a" being a letter of the law is a reason for accepting “a” as a word in its own right. But nice try, Kid. And it worked on the teacher. The argument seems to come from the school of "Confuse them if you can't convince them", a school Heyes has definitely attended.
Killer line at the end. Boy, oh boy, *guffaws* did Miss Jones get it wrong. *calms down again*
Poignant to think what might have been, if not for the raid... Then again, there is still time and enough writers have Kid work in law enforcement post amnesty.
Extremely well written - but then, we sort of expect that from you. *winks*


Penski:
I love missing scene stories and this is an excellent one. It fits in perfectly, takes up where the show left off, shows very realistic fallout from the episode and explains why the boys seem so willing to go for another year of trying for amnesty without too much complaining.
Oh those two women – they were truly horrific! *shudders at the memory, the acting and the almost inevitable ASJ fake lashes and hair down combo*
Is Lom ambushing them? I never liked him! Thank you for not being a member of the Lom-is-the-boys’-best-friend club. I thought he was more of an uncomfortable acquaintance and always quick to believe the worst of them. Although, it is very understandable that, after the Pierce&Hamilton job, he would be highly suspicious and arrest them on principle. *Still. Grr, bad Lom*
Just a little confused regarding guns/gunbelts: Kid separated from his gun by the fire? But then Lom has to kick his gun belt away so it’s out of range? *frowns in confusion*
Wow, the boys are very friendly and relaxed about being arrested. Glad to see they can convince Lom (somewhat). Not so nice (but in character) to see he remains a lawman first and foremost and one who knows how to disarm them (boots, hats, bullets). *Grumbles to herself*
I really admire how you use re-telling of the episode to flesh out the scenes between the boys and between them and Lom. I am not sure if you use the re-telling to help the reader remember key points (or learn them, if they are not familiar with the episode in question - unthinkable as that is) or as a clever device to drive the plot. You work it in so masterfully, flawlessly, just the right amount. Too much and it would get tedious, not enough and things might not be clear enough. *bows down after taking off hat*
Oh, meeting the governor. A very believable scene that could have been part of an episode. I really don’t like people harping on about the letter of the law and forgetting about the spirit. I think it’s a raw deal, but what can they do. *Hates seeing the boys reduced to “Yes, sir. No, sir. Thank you, sir.” and being shown their place (servant’s entrance). Feeling affronted on their behalf, even while knowing it’s realistic and probably also safer for all involved.*
Great writing, very believable. Realistic actions by those on the “right” side of the law, even if it’s so unfair to the boys.*applauds, filled with awe for your talent and skill - not for the lawmen; still feeling indignant for our boys*
Looks like you stirred up some quite strong feelings with your missing scene.
Two small niggles, if I may: You left in a note to yourself. And in the scene with the governor, one of his sentences about wondering and the law recognising them is missing a negative. It currently doesn't make sense.


Dan Ker:
You had me at the barred window. Was expecting a jail scene. By the time I recognised it for a childhood tale, I was already captivated. Poor Heyes – or should I say Han? Betrayed, beaten, locked up and all just for wanting to protect and help his cousin? Of course he has to get even. *laughs evilly and filled with joyful expectation*
A letter from the law? Nice use of prompt. Have you ever opened an envelope over steam? I did once, and it was very noticeable. But good on Han for having thought of how to explain/disguise it. Discovering a bit of fraud and deciding to do something about it. Yes, that’s our Heyes. Even back then their mischief and misdeeds were not done for their own sake, but had some justification. *smiles happily*
Bacon rind? Oh I have an inkling what it will be for. *happily grins at childhood memories of following instructions in a comic song of wiping the classroom blackboard with oil – worked a treat*
Flint powder now? Hmm, that might get serious. Loading a pipe with it? Uh oh. *remembers Max & Moritz and wonders what they took from the tool shed*
Oh, the chairs have been doctored. *laughs, naughty boys* And the blackboard, as expected. *chuckles happily at angel and the poker face*
Glad nobody got hurt in the explosion, but what a perfect highlight for the guests’ experience.
Oh, nice payback indeed!
I really like how the descriptions of dimples and eyes in the last paragraph leads the reader back to the well-known (and loved) images of the men these boys will become. Your first paragraph, invoking prison images, guided us from the series back into childhood, and at the very end you sort of lead us back out again. *nods approvingly*
Ha, so it was Max&Moritz-inspired? *preens, feeling proud of herself*

HannaHeyes. Snorfle, that was funny. Definitely can see them coming to blows over the game.

Hello ladies,
Here I am reading the challenges on lovely relaxed Saturday…


1) Nightwalker


Hello there Nightwalker. Oooh a first person story from Heyes. And all about how much he appreciates the Kid – and that it is mutual. Interesting take on the partnership NW. And, AWWW - of course ‘together they are unbeatable’. Nice.




2) HannaHeyes

Hello and welcome back Hannah!! And we don’t mind anachronisms – sheesh, anachronisms were canon.

NOW – Heyes would love Monopoly – you’d have to watch him though!. In fact, Kid – you are right, don’t trust him to be banker.

Loving the reaction to the ‘Get out of Jail Free’ Card.

Don’t be mean, Heyes. Let Wheat and Kyle play. Specially Kyle.

Naughty, naughty Kyle building Cat Houses.

Absolutely adoring Heyes ambiguous answer on sneaking the money and the Kid picking up on it …"Course not WHAT? NOT tryin' to tell me that or NOT stealin' money?"

And, of course they ALL want to rob the bank.

This is oodles of fun, Hannah. And a wonderful payoff line from Heyes – he is owed one monopoly board. (Ah, Monopoly, the cause of so many tense Boxing Days.)




3) Gan Ainm

Hello and welcome to the challenge Gan Ainm (love your horse piccie by the way)


Oooh, lovely mysterious opening – where is the horse from, and where is its rider? [And we get Kyle and Wheat again – we are spoilt this month.]

I love the familiar pant hitch to cover Wheat checking out he is not being watched. A man has his dignity. And, you have believably caught what might be a Wheat-esque (Wheaten?) train of thought.
Whiskers quiver – like Wheat we are all wondering which rumours are true. And kinda hoping none of them.

Oh no! You leave us semi-still wondering along with Wheat, but Wheat going to find something very upsetting when he searches. Quiver again. Very slickly done.

And thank you so much for the extra notes. Oh, no – we can’t have HH turning into trophies.



4) MoulinP

Hello there Moulin P.

Ah, the night they run away from Valparaiso, huh? And stealthy barefoot padding in the dark – tension… tension…

I am crossing my fingers for the boys with the tension here. Stay hidden boys… and run fast.

Ooooh – who is this? A rescuer? Yes. Huzzah!
Could feel the apprehensive mood music there, Moulin.


5) Penski

Hello there VS mistress and one of our regular wire dodgers. Are you enjoying your yella bandanny?


I had never heard of a 601 gang. (Surreptitiously notes it down.) Hmm… a town without a sheriff, does that mean a new one is on the way?

So, what has the storekeeper got in mind??
Broad smile – dear boys, well you have been deputies before. Loving HH being disgruntled at the number two spot.

Awww – they are going to be the best lawmen the town has ever had, aren’t they?

And I got warm fuzzies with them giving Lobo another chance.

HannaHeyes – Oh my, what a thought! Would you like to play Monopoly with HH – or the Devil’s Hole gang?
My first thought was that it could get pretty rough and get out of hand quickly. Will Heyes remember it’s just a game or take it personal?
I absolutely love the banter. The Kid sure doesn’t rust his partner in a game. He knows him all too well ;-)
Wheat’s strategy concerning the jail field is priceless: “I declare myself sheriff.” Great, just great! I bet he would have the time of his life locking up Heyes and Curry and taking advantage of it in a game.
The boys’ take of the game adds some spice to it. It would be such fun – and probably drive one crazy – to be part of it.
Thank you for this enjoyable read :-)

Gan Ainm – I’m so glad you’re writing again. I read your story before and just love it. Sad, but touching.

MoulinP – Okay, I was hooked right from the start with your story. It’s no news that I love stories about our boys’ childhood, and you picked a very interesting time of their youth for yours. The boys in trouble and a young Heyes in the making is a most appealing topic.
I like the way you outlined their life in Valparaiso, and the chances Heyes took to soaking in every knowledge available for him, and using every advantage he got in his favor. I think this habit made him so successful later on. And I love how the boys stick together in thick and thin. They never really consider the possibility of leaving the other when things get rough.
It was a narrow escape and they would never have made it without the help of the stranger, who came just in time. Will they be safe with him, I’m asking myself? I hope so for sure.

Penski – Empty seats at the saloon get our boys suspicious. No law in town sound pretty good at first, but learning about the 601 policy must have been quite a shock. I’ve got to admit, I just love the notation, though.
Kid Curry’s reflexes are still working perfectly, and kept them alive and out of jail many times, but draws unwelcome attention, too. There’s just no way to suppress old habits, and I suppose it would be dangerous on other occasions, too, when everything depends on speed.
Fortunately, his fast draw just results in an unexpected job offer in this case. It’s so easy imagining Kid Curry as Sheriff, isn’t it? I love seeing the boys taking on the challenge. They do a very fine job, acting as a perfect team as usual, but with Kid Curry in charge for a change. In my opinion he’s the only reasonable choice in this line of business. Will they stay there for longer? It seems to be a nice enough place, and the boy blend in perfectly with the locals. Maybe it’s a good place to take a rest before their bad luck strikes again and they have to leave in a hurry.
I’m glad you showed us a more peaceful time of the boys trying for amnesty.

1). Nightwalker

A beautiful and sensitive characterisation of the relationship between Heyes and Curry.
Especially I like the short description you offer for Heyes inner thoughts - sitting in a saloon, at a poker table with how many players usually? 5 or 6? Together they are a unit of themselves, observing one another.
It's very likeable the moment you try to assess each member of the game that you put them in certain "boxes", without thinking too much, perhaps just out of a gut feeling.
Heyes points out how wrong such an assessment can be. The two of them are partners, defined and develop over the years. But only the two of them know the details.
This way they can play with the rest of the group.
I love how you thought about the prompt. An empty seat at the poker table, the cards are being reshuffled. New conditions.
I like to see the poker table being compared to their relationship. "The empty seat", in a figurative sense one part of the partnership misses. And only if the empty seat is occupied, it's a round thing, and the game can go on.

You prove with your contribution to this month's challenge that it isn't necessary to write a complete story with lots of goings- on. Together they're unbeatable.
Wonderful short train of thought is enough. And don't listen to anybody else, especially yourself.

2) HannaHeyes

What a beautiful 'fluff of nonsense'!
I would have loved to be in the cabin to watch the boys play.
It certainly was a nicely meant idea for the boys to busy themselves during winter time. Of course, absolutely not selfish and it definetely accommodates Heyes' wish for challenges.
But how do you say? Simalar to money: " A lost game is a kept friend", though it doesn't seem to be appropriate with outlaws....

I thoroughly enjoyed the wonderful banter between Heyes and the Kid.
For example, the way Heyes tries to goad Kid to play the new game and Kid gets back at him, so both of them start bristling... Splendid.

Funny to see Kid's suspicion, imagination isn't quite his... But bring a trustful partner of a genius, he placidly waits for Heyes to figure out the rules!
Over the years he seems to have made his experiences playing games with his partner, wonderful his checking and guarding of the fake money.
Great sentence:" My fingers aren't as sticky."
But nevertheless, I like that you point out in reality Heyes is always fair with his partner, but in a game he easily tends to cheat or trick in order to win. A likely way of acting for someone who hates to lose!

Very good too, the interaction with Wheat and Kyle.
Very much in character a second leader, who cautions Wheat not to overplay his hand.

Funny how Heyes gets exasperated with Kyle's misability to understand and stick to the rules. Especially his question: " When did you start following other's rules"? "
Well, in Monopoly it isn't necessarily "Lady Luck", who is responsible for winning, but "luck of the dice"...
Very good Kyle, who's happy like a child to be able to build a "cathouse" instead of a hotel...

Also, I like Wheat's part in the game. Complete in character for him to try to keep up with both of his leaders. Good attempt to throw a 13 with two dices!

Great Heyes's excuse for his cheating: "Leaders privileges."

I thoroughly enjoyed that each of them take the game seriously and get more and more riled, because everyone wants to win and uses any means at their disposal.
Beautiful ending, similar to the last scene in "The man who murdered himself". You leave your readers in the dark, what exactly happens...

I'm glad you decided to post on this board again and that I got the possibility to read this funny contribution!

3) Gan Ainm

This is the first I've read dealing only with Wheat.
You manage to write an interesting riddle about a suddenly appearing horse in DH.

In my opinion, it doesn't matter that the former leaders of the DHG are only mentioned in the background, because the way you describe Wheat as a character is believable and impressive.
He always has to struggle for acceptance, not even less in his new position being the current leader. It's understandable he doesn't want to be caught with a fault, so it's absolutely likely that he hides the letter he found on his second rummage through the saddlebags. He wants to sort the mystery out for himself.
And, I guess, that's the reason this story is written in a narrative style without any direct or indirect speech at all.

I like it that you write about his memories of Heyes and Curry in a kind of flashback, especially when he thinks about the different kind of horse spirit's and types they preferred.
Wheat was never one of their favorite friends. Nevertheless he was reliable and trustworthy despite his grumbling.
Kid, in particular, was never fond of him and now this letter is really confusing, not only for him. I've never read your story "The Shot", so I can emphatize with him.
But Wheat has his heart in the right place, so he ponders once again about the letter when it comes to his mind again.
I think in one or the other way he's proud that Kid asks for his help.
Very good how you reveal this with the simple word "Please."

Remarkable, together with the running rumors Wheat figures out what obviously happened.
And with this thought you wonderfully point out his honorable streak.
Wheat admires and respects Heyes and Curry for their persistence and is willing to follow "a condemned man's last request". That's so sweet, my heart started pounding and I had to swallow because, finally, even I understood what happened...

I have to admit, you hit a sore spot. Your story affected me very much and I had to stop reading the following stories, because I had to open myself to that revelation.
You really have an interesting writing style and despite the outcome, I could enjoy your step by step revelation.

Just one proposition, if you don't mind; you don't have to use direct speech in such a story but sometimes special marked inner thoughts could make your style a little bit more vivid.
I hope to read more of your stories.
Oh, I almost forgot... A horse, a saddle, a rider are a unit.. And if there is no rider in the saddle, there's an empty seat. So, from my point of view, the use of the prompt is OK.

4). Moulin Pouge

Such a dark story with a happy end.
I loved the way you create a realistic image of the place the boys stayed for 3 years according to general Canon.
Right from beginning to end your story is consistently a well thought-out idea.

In my opinion you capture the boys developing streaks brilliantly. For a short moment I was a little unsure if Heyes really intended to leave Jed alone on the drive.. But, considering their youth, their characters are still a little unstable and I presume, Heyes at that point was well aware of his already existing bond with Jed. He simply knows the younger one would follow....

I very much like your assumption, that Heyes learns his special practical skills, like opening locks and sleight of hand at this horrible place.
I love the idea that his talent for numbers and his natural dexterity art of cards are already existing and that he knows exactly how to charm every important person to get the most out of a situation.

You give us a good reason why they left at this point and not earlier, though the treatment was really cruel. I don't want to imagine how severe a beating must have been performed to hurt Heyes' hip!

I adore your idea of the way Heyes planned their escape, with nightly wanderings etc. He can leave nothing to chance, exactly how he would plan a later robbery... And a smart way to tell us some of the earlier incidents
through Jed's eyes.
Brilliant, too, your idea to let him relock doors to delay their persuirs.

I very much liked their discussion which way would be the best to run.
In this passage you show Jed's skills to estimate possible dangers. Unfortunately, Heyes hasn't reached the point to listen to him yet, so he decides to take the risky way... That's him, a slim chance but a chance.
But you point out another important streak ; Heyes is able to make fast decisions under pressure, even if he's almost overwhelmed by his own fear.
Especially during their escape you manage to increase the tension so much I couldn't stop reading.

And, finally, similar to the series, they can escape with a little luck and help of others, a good ending... What more do we need?

Very good your implementation of the prompt, which explains all the efforts the guards too to catch them, no money for empty chairs, which by implication means, the more occupied chairs, the more money they get... This way it's easy to let two children share the same bed... Who cares?
I would like to know if you wrote a sequel to your challenge story.

July stories:

Nightwalker: I do enjoy these moments of quiet contemplation, even though this one's not taking place in a quiet room! Still, Heyes can reflect on his friendship with Curry, and find reassurance and satisfaction. And really, that's what we want from a good friend, isn't it?

Hanna Heyes: That was hilarious!! Yes, way too many rules for a group of men who've spent their lives defying rules and breaking said rules whenever they felt like.

Gan Ainm: Beautiful and moving and oh, so sad.

MoulinP: Valparaiso was a place for waywards, not equipped to handle traumatized children. Even if the management had been caring and concerned for their wards, they were probably swamped with more kids than they could accommodate during the war. Just sad all around, but thank goodness our boys got out when they did.

Penski: It wouldn't be a month without you! This sounds like the start of a longer story -- is it? I wondered if this Lobo was the DHG's Lobo, but apparently not. For once, our boys aren't accused of the bank robbery -- the townsfolk took care of that! And those famous last words -- what could go wrong? Plenty, if I know our boys!

5). Penski

I like the typical pattern you are using for your stories.
The boys arrive in a town, take in a short view of it and head for the saloon for a drink first. But this time, not being sure who the sheriff is, they decide to buy supplies first, before they get a hotel room. You never know, whether you have to high tail out of town... These small things make your stories ever so reliable, it's always fun.
So much in character as well, Kid enters the saloon first...


I love to imagine Heyes closing his eyes when he witnesses Kid's fast draw.. Identical to the series.

You use another typical thing; recently there was a discussion in one of the Fan groups about the fact, that it's always Heyes who seems to organize their household budget... So Kid has to ask if they can afford to buy a pair of socks....old couple feeling.

601...what a morbid abbreviation, no wonder the boys must feel uncomfortably.
The towns people quickly proved that a town without a sheriff can easily get out of control with them lynching the bank robbers.

I enjoyed the twisted world of our heroes, very much to Heyes' dismay...
Wonderful Kid's :"You should have practiced shooting more." He really hit the mark with it.

"Grove" - fitting name for an undertaker!

After all his introductions as being "Deputy Smith" it's believable Heyes is in a bad mood, very enjoyable. But, to speak in his favor, he makes the best of his new role.

Great sentence:"No one pays no attention to me if I don't have my gun." Sometimes the silver tongue fails. Good that Sheriff Jones handles the situation bravely...

With your story you prove to us, sometimes it only needs an important reason to try to change your life, and for the boys, who if not the both of them can say the wise sentence" Everyone makes mistakes and deserves a second change?"
I just hope the townsfolk doesn't have a reason to return to their " 601 kind of law"...

Yay, Calico came out to play and keep me company (thank goodness)!  What a clever cat with that story!  As Heyes and Curry traveled through the cars, I was anxious to see what they come across next.  Started with the Kid showing Heyes he knew what he was doing jumping on a train.  Loved the little engine.  I'd be jumping off that train, too!  Thanks for adding the sources below because one or two were unfamiliar with me.   It was so nice seeing you join in on your challenge fun!  

Remuda - You joined in the fun, too! The more the merrier with challenges. I love childhood stories and I have to agree with young Jed that Han was being bossy and wanted it his way. Glad you wrote Jed as having enough spirit to not put up with it when it didn't suit him. Loved that he rather go home and have an adult boss him around. I loved watching trains go by, too, when I was a kid. (Now it's more of a "will you hurry up - I have some place to be"). Thanks for sharing your story with the rest of us!

1) Penski
Oh, yes, VS Mistress … you were a bit of a lone voice in our August entries for a while, huh?

Ooooh – Alliterative trouble with Dave, Dan, and Darryl… And a move up the credits for Deputy Lobo.

Has the Kid considered wearing a huge false mustache?? And Heyes could wear huge sideburns…Oh, yeah. I remember.

Awww – we are loving Deputy Lobo getting admiring glances.

And just like Calamity Jane (Doris Day version) – they celebrate with a nice, fizzy Sasparilly

Clapping here… how sweet was that?



2) Calico

Hello you old flea bag. You watch too many old films, y’know that, don’t you…
Do you think the ladies the other side of the pond also know the dialogue of Brief Encounter back to front and sideways on??
[Thenk yew for kemming beck to me]


3) Remuda

Hello there Wire Dodger!! Brush the dirt from your knees and let us begin.

Oh Han, firing at a sweet little Robin. (Not much meat on a Robin.)

Dear Han, trying to make peace. And, finally, Jed gets his own way.

Awwww… You know I love childhood stories.

Calico. Very, very funny. I also watch way too many old films as I caught most of those references. Draco in leather huh?
Penski. Great to see Deputy Lobo again. Good fun.
Remuda. Aww a little trouble as summer draws to an end. Love Jed baulking at his friend's bossiness and deciding to go home, so Han gives in. Sweet.

I'm a little late posting, but I was also a little late reading!

Calico: Oh dear furred one! You have spent too many hours in front of a screen. I will say, though, I would love to see one of our boys teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts. And wouldn't it be kind of fun to put Our Boys in a murder mystery on a train that's stranded in a snowstorm? (Just a suggestion, My Dear Furred One . . . to pass your long nights in wintry Albion. . . )

Penski: I'm so happy that this subterfuge worked out for our boys. And the deputy gets to be a HERO!

Remuda: Little Jed, even so young, shows signs of growing up, doesn't he? He's not quite ready to do everything the older Han suggests, not any more. Like going fishing.

1) Penski

This incident in Sheriff Jones life is a blessing in disguise.
I think Kid wouldn't have assumed his job would be that difficult. Lovely thought, Curry busying himself with paperwork...
"We both can handle this." Seems his position makes him a little overconfident.
When does he ever learn it's better to have his partner to back him up?
Heyes anger is justified. I like that you present him so furious, the situation was far more serious than Kid would have expected, so Heyes losing control is understandable.
And once more, Kid's own trait gets himself into trouble :
Reacting before thinking.
Now he has to live with the knowledge of killing another gunslinger, even if it was in
self-defence.
It's only a crumb of comfort that Kid instinctively knew Heyes was behind him. Carson' s death wasn't necessary.

2) MoulinP

I'm delighted you decided to write a sequel to your story from July!
You manage right from the beginning to continue with the tense atmosphere.
They couldn't be sure that the stranger would really help them....
A risk Heyes is willing to take, the only solution, that is.

It's wonderful how much you catch the boys character, for example Heyes' snapping out of anxiety.
Very good your description of their worry when the cart stopped at the stranger's house. There's so much at stake for them.
I fully enjoyed the way you use some of Heyes' already existing traits, that is
1) to weigh the risks of alternatives ( is it good to stay or to make a run, is it wise to obey and follow the man into the house)
2) he won't let anybody than himself take care of his wounded friend
3) his ability to overplay his own uncertainty but
4) with the imminent danger gone he's self-confident enough to take the initiative to ask the stranger about his motivation to help them
5) the small but important hint that Heyes regards themselves as troublemakers and is proud about that even if it means to get a lot of painful beatings. He would never adjust himself to the system.

Very believable Heyes is suspicious when the door was closed behind them. What terrible things did they had experienced that this small action scared him off?
I don't know why but I suffer with them... You made up an understandable reason for Jericho to wait behind the Home.

I approve of your basic idea that the Home wasn't too bad for the majority of orphans. If they didn't cause no trouble they could get along fine. Of course we know who didn't...

I also liked your characterisation of young Jed.
He's relying and studying the older boy. At the same time he's able to give him reassurance in his decisions.
He's sensible enough to add something to Heyes' story about Jericho's nephew , because his instincts told him the man needed more to hear.

Despite their age I like that you emphasize the fact how close they already are ( beautiful pun with "don't dwell on it"), they understand each other without words and Jed already notices when his friend tries to sidestep a question.

Finally very well done your referring to the prompt.
Jed, still the weaker one of them, reminds Heyes to see things from a different angle.... A well- balanced partnership is forming.

And what about "the big day tomorrow"? Where will they go from Jericho's home? They can't stay too long...

Two fine stories for September.

Penski: Wow! Action-packed! I think it's a good illustration for the job of sheriff, and probably also for modern police work, that the officers have to react quickly to unexpected dangerous events. Everyone responded well here, although yeah, Curry should've asked for back up. On a different note: did you know that Morton Grove is a suburb of Chicago?

MoulinP: A nice illustration of how people consigned to the bottom rung of society have to stick together and watch out for each other, and resist the power of the majority who push them down. Maybe that's more than you intended for this story! But that's what I get out of it.

Hello everyone,
Waves from across the pond – back into lockdown we go on Thursday. The Calico gazes wistfully at a booking for tea at a cat café … and sighs. Still, on with the show.

So … we had only one trick or treat for October. From the dependable Rock of the Appreciation Society, Penski

And, of course, a belated ‘Haven’t you forgotten Something?” from Rosie – who had indeed, forgotten something.

Hugs to both ladies.


1) Hello there Penski,

Oh, yes, boys. Sort out something lovely for Lobo.
Ah, Hannibal, Missouri – the town name that often gets us a nice little quip.

And, the widow is playing innocent ball by parading her culinary charms.

Dear Penski, capitalising the prompt for me .

I know they have to go for the sake of continuing return to the status quo at the start of each new episode – but what a shame our boys cannot just stay in this lovely town with nice folks. The Mayor likes ‘em… They like the Mayor … Sigh.

Awwwww – and we have a proposal. Purrrrrr. And there will be a wedding in the nick of time.
This is so heartwarming, Penski.


2) Hello there Rosie – we really appreciate you playing even though you wandered into the wrong booth (careful next week!)

Our boys plus Lom going back to Devils Hole – and dear old Lom feeling his age. (I know how he feels)

Hey, Heyes is studying medicine – elbow bumps Rosie – my Heyes had thwarted medical ambitions 

Oh dear. The outlaw dying all alone in his bed has got me all sad.

And a long winter – though not THE Wilder long winter – diary.

Oh, YES, Lom joining the boys in their good works in Canada. We heart Lom.

I like to think, Rosie, that you have left a window open for a surviving Wheat and Kyle turning up. You never know.

Rosie Annie - I'm so glad to see you write a challenge! This one was bittersweet hearing what happened to the Devil's Hole Gang, especially Josiah Wilder. I'm keeping hope that Wheat and Kyle survived. Even Lom Trevors is having bad luck losing an election to stay sheriff. Glad to hear Heyes and the Kid are doing well and helping youngster avoid the path in life they took. Nice that Lom decided to join them, too. Wonderful story - I love your writing!

Oh, RosieAnnie, that was a great challenge!  You have Harry's character and dialog down.  How the "great" fall, huh?  I kinda felt bad for Harry in the meeting.  Your take on the prompt was perfect.  So glad you wrote again.  

Rosie Annie,
You are always a good one to write a following story out of an unfinished scene or to fill a gap.
I really do like your imagination.
You show with Harry Briscoe's character, that too much self confidence, especially if it isn't based on your own work, leads to nothing but more problems.
I loved the Bannermans way of argumentation. It will take Harry a while to work things out clearly for him. But the seed of doubt is there, that the two false agents might have played a kind of double game.
And if even his superiors can't appreciate his good deeds for the Agency, maybe it's time to look into himself to find 'a little bad man'.
Your description of Harry is perfect, I could almost see him puffing up in front of his boarding mistress.
What a shame you didn't manage to shorten the story, there were possibilities to do so. Though I understand, it's always hard to delete something you created and each lost word hurts.
Thank you for this fine idea.