Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19

Posted my story in the wrong thread. Will be back to comment on the stories, once I've had a chance to read them, because I'm sure they're excellent.

I was a passenger in a pile up yesterday...guess how lucky I feel to be able to kick back read some lovely AS&J challenges today....PHEW!

April Feedback

Sister Grace : Outlaw Heyes! Nice start, and Kyle with a TYPEWRITER!   Can he even read! I love the mix up with the keys, and you even throw in a Bonnet    in the form of a William of that name. Lots to love about this one.   Very clever Grace.

Nebraska Wildfire: The Well Revisited  - Alice and her mum reminded me of Dolly Parton’s Coat of many colours song… You painted us a very clear picture of their lives and struggles. I enjoyed the glimpses of outlaw Heyes and Curry through the years. Heyes in character, playing the gentleman, carrying the water. Kid regretting not being there when needed. Nice pictures. Thought provoking stuff.

Rosie Annie: Poor Kid, we were all enjoying that dream! A pacing Heyes…yeah that would do it. Aw, and Heyes is feeling exploited… Nice use of the prompt…And I like that you used a series title for the Dime Novel. I like Heyes’ idea too… making stuff up… that can be tricky! A genius Kid, getting Heyes sorted…nice twist.    Methinks this story is talking to everyone on the forum!

A pile up??? [Cal - glad you are okay!! ]]


1) Sistergrace


Oh Kyle! Correcting the qwerty – bless him.

Billy the Kid!! I saw this right at the beginning of the month and nearly expired at your cleverness. That connection had never even occurred to me.

That is just – perfect – as a wholly enclosed challenge that doesn’t overspell it out to us (no pun intended).


2) Nebraska Wildfire

Very good to meet Rosie again, and have the flashbacks to outlaw days.

Oooh, so the DHG dealt out a little rough justice did they?

And dear old Rosie is pregnant, huh? Will it be a dimpled little baby? I think so – buuut, she keeps us hanging on. Smile.


3) RosieAnnie

Oh, Heyes – fancy waking Kid up from such a nice dream.
Now, we may exploit you boys in our dime novels, I mean fan fiction – but, it is only because we lurrrrve you. And we give you cake on your challenge writers’ thank you visits.

Darling Kid! Are you giving us a plotting lesson? You are!

I loved that Rosie Annie.


4) Penski

One of our two bandanny wearers – greetings.
Sister Julia – Huzzah!
Now – do I feel the boys are going to getting into some good habits? Snirt.
Shave?
Methinks they are.

Now, could Heyes actually manage a vow of silence?
Oh, boys. Of course she knows who you are. Didn’t you listen to the second chances bit?

Lovely, Penski. Perfect guest star.




5) MoulinP

So, we have a still-recovering Heyes still hoping to get into a fancy poker game.

Ah – the fondue solution for the cheese. Liking it.

Yeah! Bannerman Men aliases. C’mon Heyes, spin that tale.

The plot thickens! I think the Sheriff is going to play ball. Very episode like MoulinP.




6) nm131

And here is our other Bandanny wearer. Good heavens NM – you’ve had the word counter on this one, haven’t you? Talk about on the line.

So, we are escorting a lady for Lom. Okay … reading.

“Oh my,” Judith exclaimed into the Kid’s chest as she steadied herself within his embrace.

Nooooooooo! Not the hat. Hang on, is that a dozen Kidettes scrambling for it among the rocks?

He’s going to wear a bonnet. Oh, bless. You can pull it off, Kid. Come on, you don’t want a peeling nose, do you?

That was great, NM – we knew Heyes couldn’t resist laughing for ever.

Penski : (Thanks for the welcome back Penski) A chase across a dessert and a hungry Bounty Hunter, I love action stories.  Sister Julia always knew a lot more than she let on…. You could see it in her eyes.  I’m with Calico on this one… HOW DID HEYES DO QUIET!   Loved the pictures of our boys getting into good habits for once.  Very entertaining.

MoulinP (Apologies Moulin for not keeping up with this tale…I’ll go back and remedy that later… and thanks for giving me a nudge and get me writing this month) WOW… This was so much like an episode, I think I saw that all happening… all the little nuances between the partners that make them so easy to watch.  I’ll definitely be looking up the back story… LUDLOW?....and CHEESE????  Lol… excellent stuff.


Calico: Yeah I was just a passenger in a friends car...but it was a heck of a smash...we're all fine ...but its kept me awake a couple of nights.... You never know what's round the next corner....literally!

Nm131: (Coffee break with Nm131… perfect) Intrigued with the title, and the colours? Love a tale that starts with horses.  Judith sounds every inch an AS&J lady … at least Kid gets to be gentlemanly.  I see where this is going… COOL… why the new hat.  Excellent explanation. Kid is fair skinned and a bonnet shaped hat would suit nicely…. NOW …where did that hatband and buckle come from???? Loved seeing Kid in a bonnet and I’m surprised Heyes held out so long.

Remuda: (Ever the wire-dodger) - AW this was a reflective piece. I liked the calm, warm beginning. Come on, Kid in a bath! But the way it ended was poignant.  Little reminders of their worst times. I like Kid’s optimistic reading of the signs…they’re showing they’re with us… I think he’s right.  Nice quote too.

7) Cal

A returning writer!! Hello again.

Cat country? Where the Calicos stalk dimpled ex-outlaws with a huge butterfly net. Snirt.

Well, Junk – you can’t expect the Kid to be noticing stuff before BREAKFAST !!

He shook an incredulous head at the confused gunslinger.

Awwww – nicely handled Cal. Bless the Kid – always the gent.


8) Remuda

Wire dodger strikes again !
Of course a genius like Heyes WOULD need a garret to think in.

Oh… lip wobble at the Lawrence memories. And a scrap of cloth reminding him of mother. More wobbling.


What a wonderful quote to find from DC – how apt. And the ‘it’s warm’ – the water or the memories? Very, very nice.

Rosie Annie - LOL, I could definitely see Heyes with a bee in his bonnet with someone else making money off of The DHG. Kid, ever the practical man and expert on Heyesian psychology has the perfect solution to bet back to sleep. Very clever and lots of fun to read. Thanks.

Penski - Sister Julia is always a welcome character in the stories and she always gives off the impression that she is much more savvy than what she lets on. Her interaction with Edgar Whiting were a picture of calm, fast thinking. I would have loved to see the partners in the chapel, praying and better yet watching Heyes remain quiet while the bounty hunter conducted his search.

Moulin P - Thanks for continuing the cheese story. Like others have stated, reading this was particularly like watching an episode with all the little clever side bits weaving in and out of the main tale.

Cal - Good to see you writing again but sorry to hear about your misfortune. I missed the rollicking stories you provide and this month's story was a great one. I can see Heyes enjoying every minute of knowing what the others did not, especially getting one over on the Kid. Kid's reaction was priceless, although I do have to wonder if he needed glasses after watching certain "bits" and not noticing but one tends to see what one expects to. The tag lines on Kid's relfection added a bit of poignancy to a fun story.

Remuda - Glad you joined in this month. Kid winning a coin toss? Well, it was Curry's coin so I guess the laws of probability were on his side. You walked the line between sentimentality and sappy with a spooky edge expertly with the poignant remembrances triggered by the gunshots. Well done, thank you.

Hi Cal!
Maybe it's because I spent a couple hours earlier this week listening to my elderly aunt explain to me, all over again, how men are truly clueless, but that's what I took from this story. Curry was truly clueless. He saw only what he expected to see. And that final line -- "why would any woman choose a life like this?" -- shows how little he knows about women, and especially, the lives of women at that time. I bet Aunt Bonnie would enjoy this story as much as I did. And Bonnie would say, "see what I mean?"

Remuda: Not all ghostly stories are scary and dark, are they? Even in the garret. You managed a mood here that shifted easily and comfortably from exhaustion to relief to reflection and sadness. That's the way it goes with us humans sometimes. This was sad and reassuring simultaneously. Nicely done.

Maz – You spent time with the Kid!  I’m glad it helped you relax.  You certainly didn’t lose your touch writing the boys.  So many good lines in here.  

“Heyes usually knows what he’s doing,” Lobo stated.
“Don’t let him hear you say, usually.”

“No, Kyle, we should be aiming higher.”
“You want us to shoot over the passengers’ heads?”
“What?” Heyes looked perplexed. “No!”

Heyes smiled. “Had you worried, huh?”
“No. You had me scared to death.”

Thanks for spending some time with Kid – hope you do it some more.  

Wow  - came on to do a little back reading and catching up, and I find a new Maz story....excellent

I think Kid and targets was probably the way this prompt was heading.... and didn't we get that... but also... a Heyes  - raising his game  - and an answer to one of them  - "How did that happen " - questions.  Throw in a little Lobo, and Kyle talking dynamite, and you get the perfect mix.  Really enjoyed the idea that, who else but Kid Curry could have put a bullet in the battered black hat.  I wonder what sort of new one Kid would have bought Heyes?

Sister Grace
Interesting idea for BtK to find his way to Devil's Hole and join up. Might have been before he went to New Mexico. Love that it's Kyle taking the initiative to get more professional with a typed-up schedule. Fun!

Nebraska Wildfire
Nice that Rosie is doing well and making a good life for herself and Alice. As well, cool that the DHG meted out what the other gang had coming, still without resorting to their sidearms. Looking forward to more of this story.

RosieAnnie
This is great! Dime novels about our boys but by Heyes -- what a concept! But looks like he's having as much trouble finding a bunny who'll hop long enough for him to forumalate the idea into a story. (Not that any of us know what that's like ... LOL!)

Penski
Sister Julia to the rescue! The idea of fake sisters being real sisters in a fake way is novel. Glad the boys were able to find sanctuary in a real place of sanctuary -- leant more of an authenticity to it all.

Moulin P
Dr. Chad to the (not quite) rescue! Always love the idea of the boys as law enforcers, so seeing them as Banner-men here is great. Nice continuation to the story, and looking forward to more.

NM131
Blue eyes in a blue bonnet would highlight them nicely. This idea is brill! I can see Heyes' struggle to hold his tongue and not laugh, at least for a while. Judith's heart was in the right place, and we have her to thank for Curry's new hat. Love it!

Cal
Welcome back to challenges! Kid and Junk at the watering hole reminded me of a scene in the show, The Young Riders, where the female rider is found out by the guy in charge. But the picture of Curry's innocently running after her nekkid is priceless, given he wanted nothing but instructions in fishing the way Junk did. Too cute!

Catching up.

April. Bonnet

Penski:  I loved the action at the beginning of the story.  And Sister Julia is always a welcome character.  As usual she is outthinking everyone.

MoulinP:  So the doctor is in more trouble than the boys.?  Sounds difficult but true.  I’m worried about the Kid seeming to enjoy his book a bit too much.  A HH plan and a poker game - what more can you want?

nm131:  You wove such a delightful story about the Kid in a blue bonnet that I had almost as hard of a time keeping from laughing as Heyes, maybe more.

Cal:  I wasn’t as fooled as the Kid but it was fun watching him concentrate on what he thought was there.  Maybe he doesn’t think well before breakfast?

Remuda:  I loved how the story went from a typical scene of the boys settling into yet another hotel, being welcomed or not as they drifted the West.  Always behind their facade looms their past though. Do you think they will ever be free of it, either their childhood trauma or their adult actions?

May:  Setting Targets

Maz:  it sounded like bedlam ay Devils Hole!  Do you ever wonder how they ever managed to rob a bank?  Thanks for a delightful view of the boys surviving at the Hole in between those jobs.

Nightwalker:  I really liked the gentle, easy camaraderie between Jed and his brother. And thanks for teaching me more about weapons of the Old West.

Nightwalker -   Thanks for the research on the pistol.... light, but only a .22 and seven bullets.... weird.  As good a place as any for Kid to start practising. I like that Jed has learned a thing or two about getting what he wants (probably from a dimpled cousin) I thought the hints, at what his older brother was involving himself in, were well written... hints that the wrath to come, may have been stirred up earlier... but not enough detail to distract from the tale of the two brothers bonding over firearms.  I think this is an excellent take on the prompt.

Nightwalker, I didn't know Jed Curry had an older brother but now I do :)
I loved the story, could just see the small blond haired Kid and hmmm who could be that friend they speak of?
I'd like to read more of this family.

Cal: So the Kid gets that last laugh in the end? I can just see the Kid get annoyed every time Heyes interrupts, and Heyes freezing from the cold water. When the sheriff shows up, I wonder why... Hopefully you will post more and we will find out.

Nebraskawildfire - Outlaw tale and from first person Heyes... that could be a real challenge.  Well we know he studied that particular bank floor plan really well.... and now we know why.  I like that you give Heyes a lot of self knowledge... the whine in the voice...the fact that he's convincing himself as much as Kid.  The reasons you build for taking on such a risky project and the pressure on the Leader of the Gang to do so, seem very true to me.  Loved looking at Kid through the brown eyes too.  You handled that really well, kept Heyes in character even in first person.   Well done.

Penski - Wow...that was bold... or stupid....or cocky....or extremely lucky! This must have been at the height of their fame.  Heyes in full "I can do anything mode" with Kid hanging on in there, with every ounce of the faith he had in his genius partner.  I'm surprised Kid agreed to that particular HH plan... I guess the first dynamite going off would tell him Heyes had cleared the first bank...so he'd know Heyes was away clear before he let Kyle loose with the dynamite at his end of town.  That was exciting...but I'm glad they didn't try and set their targets that high too often....  Great action challenge.  Loved the way you took us through the whole adventure, start to finish.

Penski:  I really enjoyed this story.  It was action packed, included a very involved Hannibal Heyes plan and still included a good discussion between the boys.  I can’t ask for more in an ASJ story.  

Some favorite lines:

Kid Curry poured more whiskey and downed it with a gulp.  “I get Kyle and Wheat.”   — Who wouldn’t want Kyle and Wheat at their backs??

“Well, at least they don’t have far to throw us behind bars.”  
— I’d have to agree with the Kid here.  It was an audacious plan of Heyes’ yet they pulled it off.


‘Positioning and timing is everything,” Heyes explained, again.  
— Definitely for this plan, Heyes!!

“Yeah, so I heard,” Wheat sighed.    
— At least they must have listened, since the robberies went off well.

Outlaws just aren’t that smart.    — Except ours, right?