Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19

nm131 - Fantastic challenge with wonderful introspect!  I think it fits the prompt nicely. This line hit home really well:  One killer in the family is enough, Heyes and that’s me!” The trigger finger of the Fastest Gun in the West pointed squarely in the middle of his heaving chest.  Well done!  


Nebraska Wildfire - A very exciting chase!  This line from Heyes felt just right: “Heck, Kid, I don’t have a Plan C, so we better get a move on if we’re doing this.”


cac - (I have been wondering where you've been!)  I enjoyed reading where you got the inspiration for this challenge!  A fun challenge.  Somehow I knew from the start that this would NOT end up being a "good deal" for the boys!


MoulinP - I was so happy to see a challenge from you this month!  You've definitely got me curious and thirsty for more.  Very entertaining banter between the boys.  Loved the Kid's lines--ruminating on life and Motus Operandi!  


Penski - I always enjoy tales of the outlaw days.  Poor Kid!  I like how HE was the one who immediately came up with a backup plan the moment he learned that his partner had NOT made one.  Nice challenge, Penski!  


Remuda - How nice to see you back, Remuda!  Wheat's "Pfft" is perfect.  Classic Carlson.  Very effective repeat of the phrase, "Time's runnin' short" from both Wheat and HH.  Fun ending! Great read!

Sister Grace
Fun discourse between the boys and way to kick off challenges for the month. There'll always be something that shows up, no matter how late. Heyes never needs a back-up plan, huh? Maybe Kid can come up with one for him.

NM131
Wow, such a serious discussion between the partners! We know Heyes has to keep that dark side in check and leave it to Kid to do his checking for him. I was with Heyes wondering how the discussion devolved into philosophy and the after-life, but love how it ended. As well, really liked the visual about Shorty's gaze being level with the saloon girl's considerable assets -- LOL!

Nebraska Wildfire
Very nicely written update of the Marie story. Happy coincidences that she and Heyes keep running into each other unexpectedly. Didn't know our dark-haired ex-outlaw had such loving attention in him, but it certainly is going a long way toward her recovery. Wondering when he will find out about Hannah.

cac
200 jugs of water on the wall, 200 jugs of water ... If one of them jugs should happen to fall, 199 jugs on the wall. Sorry, wrong song. Liked Kid's back-up plan, no matter that it wasn't quite well thought out. But his partner Mr. Smith did go along with it. In the end, glad Farmer Smith was able to bail them out. Wondering if the Smith and Smith angle has anything to do with the continuation.

Moulin
Love Kid's ruminating on life and explaining their modus operandi -- too funny! They had better do something before the sheriff gets suspicious and pegs them for other than saddlebums is right. Looking forward to what comes next.

Penski
Good storytelling. Heyes without a back-up plan so Kid comes up with one literally on the run. It worked but got Curry shot as well. Wonder if Heyes will keep his promise to have a Plan B from there on. Even a genius has his bad days, after all, though he might not want to admit it.

Sister Grace:

I poofed because there were no bunnies! Not even a frog was hopping! I thought about making it happen anyway just for the practice, but...no motivation there :)

Fun story! I liked how Kid scrolled down just hoping a story would pop up right then. I've done that!

And I liked this line: "Two blue eyes raised from whatever it was that was holding his attention, only to narrow at the almost birthday boy." I always like it when a writer can sidestep the name and describe the speaker in a different way.

NM: "Heyes ... started to recite with repressed emotion vibrating though the unnaturally flat delivery." Right on. I can totally hear that.

"reforming outlaw" also excellent. It is a process for them both, isn't it?

Interesting to compare/contrast this with Smiler. Where's Heyes' mustache? :) Really though, it's interesting to observe in your story how strongly Heyes felt and reacted, even after all these years. It seems to fit him though, that long slow burn. It does suit him more though than with the Kid, in my opinion.

Nebraska Wildfire: Glad the plan worked and even more glad there was a waiting trail and not a sheer wall awaiting them on the other side so they wouldn't be trapped when the storm blew over. I wonder at what point they would decide that it's more worth it to give up rather than risk their lives like that?

MoulinP: Funny about the missing coin for the flip! And Kid's the one mining the book for gold? Well, why not?!

It really is brilliant how Heyes would connect an oddity about the weight with the crime they've been accused of.

I hope you'll finish this-I'm interested!

Penski: Yep, that's a promise Heyes needs to keep! I imagine Kid can easily hold this one over his head.

Remuda: Well now, that was hilarious, all the way through :) What a joy! Thanks for writing that one!

Backup plans:

MoulinP:  I loved the lines about Heyes' plan "breathing" and the Kid asking if it had breathed enough.  Dialogue is fun, which makes the story.

Penski:  So much action!  I'd love to be able to write stories that move so well.  Maybe I need a stick of dynamite in mine too?  I liked how this story showed their symbiosis.  Heyes' plan isn't planned enough, and the Kid takes up the slack, unfortunately suffering for it, but agreement in the end.

Remuda: The dialogue tossing back and forth is so much fun.  A great story to lighten spirits, as we try to remember it's now spring, even if it's still cold and snowing.


Decision at Sundown:

Remuda:  Another fun story, in a very different way.  I laughed at this one.  The phrasing seemed very nineteenth century, and so apt, with their continual run around with the law and politicians.

Penski:  I liked the twist with Heyes being called out.  They just should not separate, should they?  I loved the line where Heyes calmed, knowing the Kid had his back.  I also liked that they both decided they were best in their usual roles.

Nebraska Wildfire - Oh yeah, HH is definitely different than the typical drifter and the DHG is not the usual outlaw gang, I liked how the town knew that fact. You gave us a good feel for the character of Rosie, as well as the largely "off screen" Ed, and I don't think there was any question of Heyes' final decision at sundown.

Remuda - I have to give the writers who can change their style so drastically. I loved the way your story was written in the florid style of the 19th century/early 20th , especially 19th century legalese. Well done. BTW, great tag line.

Penski - Wow and it's not even the last week of the month. Loved it. Heyes couldn't talk himself out of this one. I bet Kid got a shot of adrenaline when one of "the drunken cowboys" turned out to be his partner. It was a nice touch that Heyes calmed and became confident at the unspoken presence of the Kid backing it up and the realization that each is more comfortable in a situation that they have the measure of control.

Nebraska Wildfire: I like a lot about this -- the cautious way Rosie approaches the drifter, keeping in mind that she's seen all sorts; the subtle ways she displays what I perceive is her fondness for Heyes (giving up her room without telling him, sharing details of her life); how Heyes and Curry interact when Curry arrives with the gang, and Curry's complimentary comment about Rosie; and Ed, who we learn about through conversation. Nice ending to the story, too.

Remuda: Your language really does evoke that of the late 19th century. I'm guessing it was Clem's house they met at, who is not really a "person" under the law at that time. I do not have legal background or education, but the document you put together here sure sounds like the real thing, with all the exceptions and additions. It's interesting to think (thanks to you!) that the boys might've really done something like this, to protect themselves and whatever posterity they might have.

Continuing . . .

Penski: Bad things happen when we split up! Lucky for Heyes that his opponent was drunk and careless. Although, I do remember a line from "Tombstone" when a cowboy, challenging Doc Holliday, said, you're so drunk, you're probably seeing double. And Holliday replied, I have two guns, one for each of you. Nice to see a sympathetic sheriff, who made an accurate and intelligent read of the situation, and offered good advice.

Moulin P: Heyes and Curry gaslighting the deputy and sheriff is hilarious! Of course, these law enforcement men aren't exactly geniuses. One carefully examines Heyes' book for evidence of contraband, but nobody thought to look for concealed weapons. Love the dialogue and the unexpected skills Heyes evidences -- but not the cleanup!

NM131: Excellent use of the prompt, and a good reminder for all of us of life without antibiotics. Even a small injury like you describe could lead to amputation and/or death. I also admire the way you explored Curry's thoughts. You displayed well all the real concerns that men in that situation would have. And finally, thank you for the happy ending!

1) Nebraska Wildfire


Chocolate eyes? So this is our dimpled one all dusty and thirsty? Dunno about the rest of you, but I now want Cacti embroidered on my fluffy towels!! [Heyes in a fluffy towel would be nice too.]

So, what has HH planned with the scarves? I am all intrigued. Presuming Wheat has some kind of decoy bag.

Ooooh! All decoy bags and the money is in the well a la ‘McCreedy Bust’?? Very page turning Nebraska. I was getting a touch of a biblical Rachel at the well… was that intentional atmosphere?



2) Remuda

Wire dodger! Have you lost your watch?

1912 … so our boys are … quick count on toes … very early sixties.

Loving the ‘bankrupt situation’, they were in one of those a few times. This is wonderful jargonese Remuda. Clever clever girl! Smiling widely here. Aww, poor Clem can’t sign as a will witness being only a weak and feeble, huh?

So, in your world the amnesty got put through at time of statehood as the Territory bureaucratic cupboards were cleaned out. Never thought of that – but, y’know what – that is a very clever idea and the sort of thing that happens.



3) Penski

Oooh. HH in standoff for a change.

I see, Kid has taken the traditional delivery job. (The ASJ series is clearly where parcel force got their business model from.)

Ooooh, Heyes does it! And the same words as in Going Going Gone…What a great episode that is.

A sensible, reasonable Sheriff. I always like a good Sheriff.

Great self-enclosed short Penski.


4) MoulinP

They took Kid’s sandwich! Nooooooo! Ah, but the cheese could have been STOLEN!

Yes, yes! Always careful of the dirty socks when rummaging in luggage.

Murders in the Rue Morgue. Now, the details escape me but that does involve a locked room mystery, huh? Is HH going to solve the mystery? [Did an orangutan take the cheese – Nah!]

Poor, poor Deputy. Roasted for what is only, after all, the traditional Deputy Nap.

I am LOVING the disappearing and re-appearing Heyes! That poor Sheriff.

Smuggling CARDS? Why would anyone want to…? I guess, like the Kid, I will have to wait and see. AH. I see. No gambling.

Poor Kid. Too much reading by far.

Pom pom pom! Will the Doc decide to help? Will Heyes get into the big game? Will Kid ever finish the book? Will he get a replacement cheese sandwich? Tune in next time…



5) Nm131

Ooooh – what is wrong with poor old Heyes?

OW! To be splatted by a nasty old nail. OW. (Puncture wound with dirty water … nasty.)

What a dilemma for the Kid. Leg on or leg off. No right answer.

Yeah! Heyes is a little better! (Loving the ‘wanna see?’. ) Oh, Kid – all down to your excellent nursing.

New Year’s resolution – do comments! First time this year …

 

Nebraska Wildfire

I liked this. Kept me guessing what was going on and I still not sure what happened!

 

Remuda

Liked the way this was written. Very in keeping with the times. The legalise defeated me in parts (my fault not yours!) but from the gist it was good to see that the boys were looking after each other, their spouses, offspring and Lom. This could have been a risking undertaking for all concerned. Loved the last line.

 

Penski

Oh no! Heyes has got himself into a gunfight. The situation ran away with him. Nothing for it. He wasn’t about to give all the money back was he? Suspect Heyes calculated the risks. He knew how fast he is (not Curry fast but no slouch) and he could see how drunk the cowboy was. Still a risk though. Thank goodness the Kid gets there in time and lends his reassuring presence to the showdown. Liked that they consider swopping roles – just for a brief moment.


NM131

Such a small thing but with life changing implications. What an awful decision the Kid is faced with. Time is ticking. He does the only thing that may help in the hope that he won’t have to make the decision. As the minutes tick by and we get closer to the hour, the Kid’s anxiety increases and so does mine! Surely not? You wouldn’t! Would you? Phew! Not today. That is until the next time … ! Very well written as always.

Congratulations to everyone who wrote a challenge this month. The Easter Bunnies had other things to do in my neck of the woods so I think you all deserve a bandana!

Starting April, and look who's first out of the gate -- Sister Grace!

When I saw you had already posted, Gracie, my first (selfish) thought was, oh no! I hope she didn't have the same idea I had! Then I read, and I realized, your idea is much more creative and imaginative than mine. I never would have come up with this idea, but you did, and you handled it beautifully.  You set a high standard for April, and it's only April 5th! I better start typing madly!

Comments on March Challenges:

Nebraska Wildfire - Very "well" written (pun intended). I enjoyed your description of the sunset and also the fact that you had Heyes offer water to the woman and to his horse before he took any for himself. He's definitely a gentleman outlaw.


Remuda - Each of us, as our "sunset" years approach, need to be diligent in caring for these types of legal matters. Very unique use of this prompt, Remuda!


Penski - Very different to read a story where HH is called out. You did a great job, especially with the very last section of the story. I particularly liked HH's answer when KC wonders how HH got to be so fast.


Moulin P - I think both HH and KC would have enjoyed reading anything by Edgar Allen Poe. Good choice, MoulinP. I'm with the Kid though, in hoping you write them out of jail soon!


nm131 - I liked your idea to have HH suffer a wound so common that anyone might overlook it, until infection sets in and the literal battle for life and "limb" begins. Great job conveying Curry's dilemma. A very well done, angst-filled story!

sistergrace: How can I not love a story about Kyle and a typewriter, driving Heyes a bit batty? Gotta love Kyle, and you have him drawn so well. And we get Billy the Kid at Devil's Hole too? An embarassment of riches, and a wonderful take on the prompt. Thanks for a fun story, just when I needed it. With winter not wanting to release its hold here, I'm kind of feeling like one of the boys cooped up at the Hole for the entire winter.

Nebraska Wildfire: Rosie!!! She's doing well, and she seems to be happy. I'm loving this series. My only complaint is this chapter ended too soon. I want to know what happens next!

SisterGrace - Any story that has Kyle in it is a winner and Kyle with a typewriter is a riot. I have often wondered what engineer, efficiency expert or genius came up with the QWERTY keyboard (one of these days I'll have to investigate). I really liked the stroke of comic inspiration with the billythekid section of the story.


Nebraska Wildfire - Rosie sounds like a smart women who knows how to improve her circumstances. I'm glad Alice is accepted by the towns people. I'm betting Alice has eyes the color of melting chocolate. Thanks for continuing the story and giving us a glimpse of their future.

RosieAnnie - I was hoping you'd find some time to type with a kitty on your lap while the weather was bad and you didn't disappoint. What a great take on the challenge! Loved the beginning - didn't see it was a dream until the Kid woke up. I can see Heyes being bothered by someone making money off of him. Great name for a dime novel - such a great name, I think they should call an episode that name. Sometimes it takes a Kid Curry plan to calm an aggravated Heyes. Loved it!

RosieAnnie:   What a delightful story, and perfect timing for me to read with my supper.  Oh!  I was sort of worried that it was going to be more spicy than the wasabi with my sushi, but maybe I was as disappointed as the Kid was when he woke up.  Or maybe not quite as much.  I laughed out loud when we found out Heyes was upset because someone else was making money on their stories instead of them.  I doubt very much if either of the boys would agree to share my sushi.  Hmmmm...sushi in Wyoming... in the 1880s (??)  Maybe I should just have a glass with them and say good night...

Penski: I love it when the boys dictate, and we just sit back, type furiously, and then only have to correct their 19th century spelling and grammar. Thank goodness you had a day off to listen! I always love Sister Julia. She is a warrior, in the highest sense of the word. That bounty hunter is definitely a meanie. I'm glad our boys were able to evade them.

MoulinP: A very enjoyable continuation of last month's story. They do sometimes take on a life of their own, don't they? I love that the Kid reads the book "in desperation." And he's such a complainer! And Heyes --- soup is good! And it all leads to a Hannibal Heyes plan. I'm looking forward to hearing how it all turns out.