Awestruck Comments

Hannaheyes: I really enjoy ASJ versions of A Christmas Carol! This was suitably mysterious yet also rather sweet. I enjoyed seeing how Heyes' character changed through the course of the story. I also really liked how you condensed the three spirits into just one! Very nice story for the season. Favorite line: "No wonder the Kid gets aggravated with you sometimes."

Fortitudine: That was…weird. Poor girl, but I liked how Heyes tried to do right by her at the end. You have a knack for writing stories where young ladies don't make it, huh? I can certainly understand Heyes' initial reluctance and subsequent need to do something. This almost sounds like it's based on a real story. Favorite line: He noticed that he was humming “The Streets of Laredo,” and stopped.

Remuda: I enjoyed the relaxed tone used to tell this tale; it made it seem almost like a fable. Pharmer Dale: Great name, reminds me of a farmer in the dell! I'm curious who you ntended to have said "many hands made for small work" -- I'm thinking it could be either one of the boys. Interesting use of the prompt. This was a great line: Pharmer found them at once personable, but uneager to get to unloading.

Calico!: Really enjoyed this and the plot device of incrementally going back in time. (If they went back far enough, would they end up as prehistoric reptiles like Paris and Janeway?!) The resolutions our heroes made at each point were very much in character, imo. Loved the last scene--you do the boys so well! Aww. Great to see a story from you--hope there will soon be more. This line appeals to me: A mute conversation says more than the words.

InsideOutlaw: Love your explanatory intro! Also really liked Heyes' melancholy reflections on his past and present ways of life. Making the story be mostly descriptive text was very effective and emphasized the few lines of dialog all the more. Favorite lines:
a) He wasn’t a pretty good bad man; he was an excellent one.
b) He had caused so much pain in so many ways.

RosieAnnie: Well, I am sure am glad there's more to this story than just this! I suspected as soon as you wrote about the man's dread at being in the jail that there was going to be a twist but I thought the lawyer would be Heyes and the man in the cell would indeed be the real Curry. I'm really looking forward to finding out how Heyes morphed into Wheeler and where the real Kid is. Write fast! These lines resonated: He’d already been famous, once. The last thing he wanted was to be famous again.

Grace -- first in! Well done, and like Rem, to my chagrin I was also going down the Mutiny on the Bounty line -- though in a very different direction from yours. Guess it's back to the drawing board.

I really like this -- not exactly a missing scene, more of a scene insert. A great analogy and you kept the boys very in character in their youth yet clearly portrayed their youth. You wrote what Heyes must have been feeling as that safe sank, well. Great start to the month.

Sister Grace: I like the way you used the analogy of the Bounty story with the boys' situation. The conversation between the boys as boys sounded very natural.

Remuda, Riders, I don't see why you can't use the Mutiny on the bounty as your starting point as well, just because Sister Grace was first. After all, the challenge is all about starting with the same inspiration. No doubt you, and others, would take the story in your own unique direction.

Sister Grace - This was very clever. You write little boys so well, it makes me wonder how many you raised. I caught the allusion to the mutiny right away, but never would have thought of it myself. What a fun read.

If ever a writer gets to feeling bogged down, this sure is a great place to come for encouragement! Thank you all for reading, and for the kind comments. I knew I couldn't be the only fan of Mutiny on the Bounty around here, and as RosieAnnie suggested, I think it would be a great idea for others whose challenge ideas were charting similar waters to set sail with them and I shall look forward to reading them. "Ahoy, Maties! Hoist the sails and full speed ahead!"

OH! The first thing that came to my mind when I read this month's prompt was Mutiny on the Bounty. Last night I began to get an idea and even turned the light back on after going to sleep to write down the first sentence. Then I read Grace's story this afternoon, so as not to get so far behind this month like last time, and lo and behold, her story was very similar to my idea!

So, thanks Sister Grace: Now I don't have to bother writing! I enjoyed your story a lot. I liked how you structured it, with the flashback in the middle. I can definitely see Heyes knowing the story of Captain Bligh and the Bounty. The picture of the two boys playing pirates is fun, more so since we the readers know what their future holds. Well done!

SisterGrace - As other have said what clever, clever use of the prompt. Loved the flashback to when they were kids playing pirates. Well done!

Sistergrace..loved it. Monty on the Bonty me land lubbers!!

Kid as Fletcher Christian huh? You got him dressed as a pirate in your head?

HannaHayes...glad to know Kid was faster than Billy. Phew! Wondered what you were going to do for a minute.

Two lovely stories, thanks for sharing them.

Two great stories and it's only the 5th of the month....

Sistergrace -- clever clogs, working in that sly reference to the Challenge word. Very enjoyable.

HannahHeyes -- a nice atmospheric, exciting little tale. Glad the Kid didn't wind up as a notch on Billy's six-gun.

SisterGrace - Very clever to juxtapose their childhood games against their criminal futures, AND keeping it to the prompt. What little boys don't like to play at pirates? You're so good at capturing 'sweet' in a way that it's not cloying or saccharine. I've thought about this and I thing it's because you keep the characters so grounded in reality.

HannaHeyes - Ooh, at tense standoff between Kid Curry and Billy the Kid, a match made in fanfic heaven. What a shame they had to pass up the bounty, that would have been just what they needed to hide out somewhere until they got amnesty, but true to the series, where they rarely won out financially. You built the tension really well in this.

That was fun Silverkelpie! Poor Kid! Circumspect eh? Bet he 'shrank' away from that one! Sorry, couldn't resist. So many good lines in this one. Which one of you is going to polish the apples! Double meaning in there, me thinks.
I was thinking the same think as soon as a tarpaulin was mentioned as covering the painting; but that's going to smudge the paint!! Good for Heyes to think of that, considering he is not a painter himself.

Silverkelpie - I really enjoyed this story! Of course Heyes would figure out the elaborate con that was taking place. Lots of great lines in this one. Wonderfully written!

You write an excellent mystery Silver.

Loved how the story builds up, how Heyes worked out something fishy was going on and how they sprung their 'trap'..



Another great one for the Challenge.

HannaHeyes -- so the Kid met the Kid and won hmm? Interesting take on the prompt. I agree with Heyes -- worrying that there's always someone faster.

SilverKelpie -- as usual an enjoyable mystery with many good lines. I am surprised though that the Kid wouldn't know what a Badger Game was (at least that was how I read your conversation at that point). My impression is that the Kid is every bit as versed in the con games as Heyes is.

Riders - I completely agree, it was a device to tell non-confidence tricksters (whom I hope make up most of the board) what the term means! I suspect he would too... They might be pretty, but they're no angels!

Silverkelpie, Heyes and Kid Curry owe you a debt of gratitude. You gave them a cushy job, they were paid double, and they got out of town! But especially Kid Curry should be grateful, because you gave him such good dialog. The whole bit about the goat made me laugh out loud. And trust me, on the day I'm going back to work for 12 hours, a laugh first thing in the morning is greatly appreciated!

SisterGrace - I was surprised by how many said this was also their take on the prompt, my first thought was 'Bounty Hunter' and this never occurred to me at all! I did love the look at them as children and then comparing Wheat to Fletcher Christian. That iconic moment when the safe bounces down the mountain is one all fans know so well. It was so of you clever to link it to the "Mutiny on the Bounty."
I don't think that anyone who also had the same take on the prompt need to think they can't post. I'll bet the stories will still be varied and a whole lot of fun.

HannaHeyes - Wonderful tension in this one, and the draw we'd all love to have seen. Of course the Kid can take Billy the Kid! Great use of language here to build the atmosphere and the strain. The Kid was facing a formidable opponent there and you made that so clear with great writing.

Silverkelpie - The visual of the Kid looking at a picture of a naked woman, and being continually distracted by the goat was SO funny and stayed with me. Fantastic lines- like, " “Yeah, don’t want to miss those skin tones,” murmured the Kid. “They’re the best bit.” and "Just because a dog chases a wagon don’t mean it knows how to drive it." The plot was exceptionally clever too, as yours always are, and trust clever old Heyes to work out what was going on. Ariadne was a hoot too. Who's she going to get to polish her apples now? You've certainly brought a whole new meaning to the 'daily grind' with this one. You should be writing for television!

Just to let you all know I have read and enjoyed reading all the entries in December's challenge - 5 Years Earlier. I'm sorry I haven't written individual comments for everyone but as I have only just finished sending out my Christmas cards, due to a bad bout of flu at the start of the festive season, I'm sure you can understand that I am running a little behind schedule!

All the stories were of a fantastic standard - am a little nervous of writing my own offering for this month's challenge, as a little bunny has come to visit. Just deliberating whether to ask it in for a cup of tea and slab of Christmas cake!

Maz - Love how that even when Kid was young, he still lost his heart to the needy. Liked your take on the prompt. Well done!

Oh Maz, you put a smile on my face again. Jed's sympathy for those abandoned and left behind are just part of his nature. I loved the back and forth between him and Marty. And, it's a creative use of the prompt. Charming.

Frankie, sorry to hear you weren't feeling well, and glad you're back to form. And don't be discouraged; just get to writing. Your reading public awaits your return. The Queen of Angst has been sorely missed!