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WichitaRed
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Mon Mar 18, 2013 3:34 pm

SilverKelpie HOW FUN!!!!

I loved the bantering and the imagery you created. My favorite line(s) --- hmmmm Where Kid is getting after Heyes for being lazy and leaving off his work...those were all great lines. And, when Kid gets Heyes to remove his hat -- I can just see Heyes hissing "Seriously!?!" At him as he does it.

Loads of fun. Good Job.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Mon Mar 18, 2013 4:02 pm

HannaHeyes - This was loads of fun, and so in character with the Kid laughing at Heyes and him desperate to get revenge. There's no way he'd let her away with that! Favourite lines
"You know darn well what she did! I ain't telling that story over!"

"But you tell stories so well. C'mon. I need a bedtime story."

Yes, Heyes would get exactly that sort of teasing!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Mon Mar 18, 2013 4:44 pm

HannaHeyes: Marshall Higginbottom, snert, has a great name! This was a clever tale of bruised egos. Of course, he did it to heal his pride, after all, his partner kept rubbing it in. Fun story.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Mon Mar 18, 2013 6:25 pm

HannahHeyes - LOVED IT! I snickered at Heyes as much as Kid did and I love him as much as Kid does.... but who can help but grin when he gets egg on his face that badly. Wonderfully done. The one-liners were dropping all over the place. This would make a top-notch script.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Mon Mar 18, 2013 6:41 pm

Wow the stories came marching in today, didn't they? (Sorry I couldn't resist).

InsideOutlaw -- a bittersweet story. I like that you left it ambiguous as to which partner was still alive -- we can all make our own theories as to that. Your lines at the beginning about not remembering his own name but remembering long ago easily hit home. Very good take on the prompt.

Silverkelpie -- as always a funny tale, well told. I love the idea of the lost mourners. And who doesn't love Heyes trying to get out of work and the Kid refusing to do it all? All round a good laugh.

HannaHeyes -- some cute role reversal. I love that it was the Kid who headed for the poker table and Heyes who headed for the woman -- too often fanfic writing seems to assume that Heyes is too involved in poker to be involved in women which is not born out by the episodes. Glad Heyes was able to sop his bruised ego and willing to admit it to the Kid. One nit on the story -- your tenses kept shifting between past and present, so I had a little difficulty with that but certainly not a fatal problem. All round a good tale.
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BeeJay
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Mon Mar 18, 2013 8:23 pm

Inside Outlaw:
Such a poignant story. I think the nostalgic musings were touching. It was well written and thought provoking. So sad to think of days gone by and people lost...

Silverkelpie:
Very funny; got quite a few good laughs out of this one. Cleverly written with good dialog. I thought the directionally challenged bagpiper was great! Immensely enjoyable.

HannaHeyes:
Entertaining HH plan there. Tsk Tsk, all of that injured pride. Interesting that it was written from his viewpoint and we got to see how and why he thinks ups a plan; even if it was only for a couple of dollars! A great idea for a story.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Tue Mar 19, 2013 5:47 am

InsideOutlaw - This was a very bittersweet piece, full of angst and memories. You captured the smiles tinged with regret so well in this, and the 'march of time' was not only an original take on the prompt, but so very poignant. Wonderful.

Silverkelpie - Okay, time to come clean. I am Irish. Yes, I have an English accent, and wear a British police uniform, but I have an Irish passport and my family speak Irish. When I read that it was a story with an Irish flavour I groaned inwardly, and wondered what was coming. Once I stopped laughing I realised how affectionate this is and I passed it to relatives who sent the following message. "We very near ended ourselves!" Trust me, that's a ringing endorsement for this very funny story.

HannaHeyes - Oh, revenge! I could see this eating away at Heyes, the shame and the indignity. There's no way he'd let that lie. It was interesting that you used first person for Heyes, but that was a good way to find out just how much this would fester with him. It just shows that it was the principle, and not the value, that mattered to him.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Tue Mar 19, 2013 11:32 am

InsideOutlaw: What a sad, sweet, sentimental story! You captured the passage into old age so well. Loved the reminiscing: It was all very believable--both the events described and the manner in which Heyes remembered them. Beautifully written, too many wonderful lines to repeat though my favorite just might be: Time had proven to be the ultimate thief. (Edit, after reading other comments: I now see that you didn't actually state who the narrator was; I assumed it was Heyes from the way one line was written but I now see that it could, in fact, be Kid, as well.)

Silverkelpie: I suppose anyone could make an honest mistake like that! Cute twist/punchline. At least the boys got some whiskey out of their efforts.

Hannheyes: Very fun! Poor Heyes: Not so smart at the beginning of the tale but he redeemed himself at the end with his Plan. I liked his reasoning for why he'd done it--that was true to character. Also liked the references to certain episodes, especially these lines: "WHAT do you want Heyes?! ALWAYS in the middle of the night..."

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InsideOutlaw

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Tue Mar 19, 2013 1:06 pm

SilverKelpie:

So the grass really is always greener over the septic tank, huh? Very funny story and very interesting, too. Imagine making your living as a professional keener! Loved the habitually lost director and was so glad the boys didn't let them know just how far off base they were.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Sat Mar 23, 2013 6:17 am

InsideOutlaw - 'The March of Time' was not only a great take on the prompt but a bittersweet and wonderful read. Poor Clem, but this made me think of the terrible job of clearing out after losing a loved one, and all the memories, good and bad, that invokes. You captured all those moods so well. applause

Silverkelpie - Okay, I admit I had to look up 'Septic Tank' but that did not stop me laughing out loud at this funny, short tale. We all love it when the Kid gets grumpy because Heyes tries to leave him to do all the hard work, and you made their bickering so funny. I did not expect that twist at the end. I thought they were gravediggers too. lol2

HannaHeyes - Oh, Yes! Heyes would not let a woman away with that, and he'd look for revenge whether it was one dollar or a thousand! I loved the Kid laughing at him and not letting him forget it.
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Calico

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Sun Mar 24, 2013 3:40 am



1) riders57
Liking HH telling some but not all the truth about how they met. Oh, did Wheat overhear about Grandpa Curry.
And liking that Big Jim is hard – but believable. Tough job he’s got.
Oooh – so Kid’s doing a standard heroic ‘room on my horse for two’ rescue. Cue music. Love it.
Hey, we get to meet Wade Sawyer. Beam.
Awwww Kyle and then Wheat offering to help Kid. I melt.
Nice intro to how Wade Sawyer got to know their faces so well, Riders.

2) WichitaRed
A newbie to our bandanny challenge?? Huzzah and welcome.
Oh bless. Our boys – well, I’m guessing its our boys – being kept from their beauty sleep by a marching song. Loving the bickering!
Ban whiskey? You can’t have a dry hole!!! (No pun originally intended, but…)
Bless again. Of course we knew it’d be Kid ending up going! Adored that Wichita!

3) Maz
Our favourite liddle orflings shining a little honest goodness in the life of an ornery old blind fella hiding a heart of gold?? Oh, Maz. What kind of sentimental audience do you think votes on this… Ah. I see. Liking the impatient diagnosis. You know I adored it huh? AND purring at the mention of Moby Dick. Love you.

4) BeeJay
One for me??? Oh – I present my soft underbelly for tickling.
You know when I first read about the pitcher of cream shaped like a cow – I did wonder if you were referencing Bertie Wooster’s cow creamer. Did they draw all this treacle from the treacle well? Were they well in? Oh, marmee BJ – thank you for including the vertically challenged and entirely feminine March family.
Hah – lobster! Then she gets the coral lobster charm. (I re-read this till the words rubbed off when I was a girl.)
I am now almost a grin without a cat. Except – I have a cat. Cheesy grin – Cheshire – groan!
Harry our Mad Hatter – bless.
Beth – because you were too shy and feminine to cope with school, maybe you never learnt the difference between bunnies and March Hares.
Heyesian Dormouse in the teapot alert! Can I scrub the tealeaves off him?
Adored it from start to finish BJ.
Consider my Cheshire cat grin hovering in the treetops.

5) InsideOutlaw
The March of Time – oh, clever clever! Cue stirring newsreel music.
Oh, sniffle. What is sadder than the relentless passing of the years and our youth.
This is fantastic stuff Inside – I am too caught up to stop and comment.
Want to throw back my head and sob. Clapping till my hands are sore. Well done!

6) Silverkelpie
Loving that weak minds don’t wander so far! Snirt.
Huh. Where I work the weepin’ and wailin’ is pretty much provided, gratis.
I don’t think they have to worry about our boys being insulted by being tipped, huh?
Oh, wow! What a great twist ending. You are so dang clever!

7) hannaheyes
Poor old Heyes! And only two dollars. (He wasn’t robbed – he was snubbed!)
A Hannibal Heyes’ plan – my tail twitches in anticipation.
Oh bless the boys – I love them switching into lawman mode. And all out of the goodness of their hearts. Snirt.
What a great first person tale that one was, Hannah.

8) Calico
Not more bath nonsense from that dang cat. Ain’t she got any snow bound blue tits to terrorise?

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Sun Mar 24, 2013 4:27 am

Calico - 'Stealing a March?' What a great take on the prompt! Too many good lines to quote then all, I might as well just repost your story. Laughed all the way through, but I want to call the post of 'lost soap retriever.' Kelpies are known to be nimble under water so the job's made for me. A story, VS, you're on chat tonight - I do hope you're getting ready for your close-up, Ms. Calico?
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InsideOutlaw

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Sun Mar 24, 2013 6:39 am

Oh, you sly puss, you, playing to their weaknesses like that. I always love a good laugh first thing in the morning, so thank you! Now, excuse me, while I go mop up the coffee I've snorted all over my laptop. Laughing
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Sun Mar 24, 2013 9:40 am

Laughing A delightful start to The day, CalicoCat. The last line is the topper, of course, but so much else present to giggle at and I learned so much. I never knew Penny was the diminutive of Hank, that small towns had such large hotel staffs, that baths observed are a privilege to be purchased, or that it may be wise to keep a false beard on hand. Does this mean I manage the bath concession? Consider that carefully before responding; and keep in mind who owns this forum. No arm twisting here, mind you. But the decision to wipe the tea leaves off depends on the correct response.

PS thank you for the cheesy recognition.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Sun Mar 24, 2013 10:26 am

Hello Ladies. I'm going to try to read and comment again this month. I don't know if I will succeed with real life as busy as it has become for me, but here is a start, at least.


Riders - I appreciated your take on the prompt. The interaction among all the characters was true to the series and very realistic. You portrayed Big Jim in keeping with Return to Devil's Hole and the fist to the jaw in the cabin scene reflected Jim's style from the show. I haven't been able to read much lately and found this a refreshing return to the stories and characters I've grown to love. Thank you for a wonderful read.

Wichita Red - Welcome to the party! I'm glad you joined in the challenge. Good banter. I had no problem at all following who was speaking. The references to the coin toss reflected the series nicely. Fun dialogue, well drawn characters, and a funny situation all added up to a fun read. One thing was a bit jarring for me though. You wrote, "How in the seven names of hell, am I supposed to fall asleep,...." If I am not mistaken, the seven names of hell is a reference to an Islamic teaching. I just don't see a nineteenth century western outlaw using that phrase. I may be wrong about the reference, and it is only a small point, but I thought that I would mention it. The story was very enjoyable.

Maz - Oh this one gave me warm tingles as I read it. Louisa and the old man nearly popped off of the page-- I mean the screen-- they were so real to me. I felt like I knew both of them. How did you manage that in so few words? The interaction between both boys and the blind man was funny, touching and heart warming all at the same time. Again, how did you manage that in so few words, and with most of those words used on banter. Loved the division of labor at the end. Great job! Clapping very hard here. ( I wondered what made Heyes choose Moby Dick. I doubt if he would have had the chance to read it before. Hmm..)
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Sun Mar 24, 2013 5:57 pm

Calico -- thanks for the laughs. Haven't those boys learned yet that they can't hide from the Ex-Outlaw Appreciation Society -- I'd be happy to chip in for those baths. Loved the punchline.

Keays -- a nice peaceful kind of tale. Very enjoyable.

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