Alias Smith and Jones Writers

A forum devoted to writers of Alias Smith and Jones Fan Fiction
 
HomePortalGalleryFAQSearchRegisterLog in

Share
 

 Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...

Go down 
Go to page : 1, 2  Next
AuthorMessage
Calico

Calico

Posts : 663
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 54
Location : Birmingham

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Empty
PostSubject: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Icon_minitimeWed May 01, 2019 11:18 am

Nice fresh thread folks (about 15 pages is the usual :)

1) Maz

It is the lovely Mazkin!!  

Oh, we love that HH has come back with a book instead of ice.
Kid tripped over a …?  Oh, perfect.   (They are wily and underfoot.)

I am adoring the banter and vocabulary input from Heyes.
Wonderful Maz


2) LittleBluestem

Hello there Little Bluestem.    Hey, Lom got a lock for his door!   Fun list of jobs there.  

Is Miss Porter sweet on Lom?  (Well, we all love him ).   Escorting two ladies close to the governor – what could possibly go wrong???  Snirt.
Very nice set up Little Blue.


3) Penski
And Hello to you Penski, oh most faithful of challenge regulars.

What a perfectly episode like opening that was.    Oooh, outlaw turned bounty hunter.  And an ex-gang member to boot.    Plus a (promised) mean Sherriff.  You spoil us.

And, the Kid arrives in the nick of time.  Well, almost – poor old Heyes.

Very episode-esque indeed, Penski.


4) Elleree

It is our bandanny wearer?  How are you enjoying the neck wear?

Good heavens, second story in a row with bad news for Heyes.  Dangled over a mine shaft, no less.

Clever, Kid – tricking our villain into thinking he is dangling over a mine shaft.



5) Remuda

It is the wire dodger extraordinaire!!   Hello Remuda!

Oh dear, too many beans and just possibly too much information.

There is nothing we like better than hearing the two of them bantering – keep teasing, Heyes.  

AH, maybe this is even better than bantering – how long can HH keep quiet?

Poor Heyes!  A little bird poop is supposed to be lucky, but not if it loses you ten dollars!

Revenge raining down from above, indeed.  Clever, clever Remuda.




6) InsideOutlaw

Hello to you Inside Outlaw.

Oh dear, a doctor who can’t even ride.  I feel sorry both for him and for the Kid.

Well, Heyes is still pretty slender – so maybe once he was skinny enough to slip through the bars.  Smile.

And, we still have all the back and forth anger between Heyes and Mac.   Will Mac be redeemed before the end of this???
Back to top Go down
Calico

Calico

Posts : 663
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 54
Location : Birmingham

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Icon_minitimeWed May 01, 2019 11:21 am

just nudging to top
Back to top Go down
RosieAnnie

RosieAnnie

Posts : 773
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 100
Location : The Comfy Chair

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Icon_minitimeWed May 01, 2019 11:23 am

Maz McCoy: I love the first line. In fact, I think the monthly challenge could be, "do you have any tingling?" All sorts of vistas open up in my mind with that line. As a kitty mama, I empathize with Curry's injury; I love my cats, but they can definitely be jerks.

Little Bluestem: Well, of course he'd get that door fixed! Who wants Kid Curry coming in with gun drawn? I understand why Our Boys are more than a little disgusted with being called on to do another "favor." And why wouldn't Miss Porter develop an attraction for our favorite Sheriff? I did a challenge entry a few years ago with that theme, so I totally am on board with that.

Penski: No, nothing good happens when Our Boys separate, but financial need keeps forcing them to do it. Dingus McKee is a great name for this character. As someone who's bruised ribs, I really feel empathy for Heyes. It hurts like crazy, and takes FOR-EVER to improve. Here's hoping he doesn't have to cough or sneeze for a while.

Ellerree: Sometimes reacting is better than planning, isn't it? Curry made the right move for sure, and he and Heyes will get out of that cave alive. But oh boy, what a day they had, right? As my mother used to say, you can't win for losing.

Remda: Well, it had to happen sometime, didn't it? Thank goodness they weren't being chased by a posse that day. It's just another day in the life of two traveling men. Here's hoping the next campsite has a stream, where they can both take a nice, relaxing bath.

Inside Outlaw: I think Heyes probably got a lot of satisfaction out of laying Mac low. Can't say I blame him. And Heyes' story of how he got started on a life of crime as a teen-ager rings a little too close to home, even in today's so-called "modern" world. A juvenile conviction can haunt someone forever. Finally, I got a laugh out of a fellow Chicagoan being useless on a horse. That hasn't changed either in the last 140 years.

_________________
"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly."

"The failure in doing something is stopping too soon."
Back to top Go down
Nightwalker



Posts : 73
Join date : 2018-04-16
Age : 49
Location : Germany

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Icon_minitimeSun May 05, 2019 9:38 am

No detailed feedback from me for last month, but I read and enjoyed all of your stories. It was hard to pick a favorite one.

_________________
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."
-Dr. Seuss
Back to top Go down
Penski
Moderator
Penski

Posts : 1433
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 58
Location : Northern California

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Icon_minitimeMon May 27, 2019 3:00 pm

Nightwalker – It’s amazing where you find inspiration for a story!  I remember that cartoon.  Love this description “the room was a pattern of shadows and shades of grey”.  sigh… What a dream!  Love where he and the Kid came from and his appearance.  This is a great line - Her visitor, who’s name ostensibly wasn’t Heyes and definitely wasn’t Smith, rolled his eyes and threw his hands in the air.  “I can’t believe it!  I don’t even know where we are – when we are - and his reputation was here even before us?”
Will be interesting to see if you continue it.  Very loving dream!   bath


Moulin P – Oh, I love missing scene stories.  A nightmare – don’t you hate those.  Love how the Kid settled down and waited, knowing Heyes actually would want to talk about it.  Love this line of Kid’s - “What can be worse than a posse?  Y’know given our current wanted status.”  I’m with the Kid and wouldn’t have been able to keep my promise not to laugh.  Think it might’ve been Humpty Dumpty?  Very amusing challenge!   lol2


Had to  Laughing that both of your challenges had dreams in them – one fantastic dream and the other a nightmare.

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
RosieAnnie

RosieAnnie

Posts : 773
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 100
Location : The Comfy Chair

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Icon_minitimeMon May 27, 2019 3:20 pm

Nightwalker: I love that prompt you listed at the bottom of the story. "Are we in cowboy times?" It led you to a cute story where everyone is a little confused. I laughed when she recognized him, and he went into his usual denial. My favorite line is," I don’t even know where we are – when we are - and his reputation was here even before us?”

Moulin P: We're obviously in pre-Freudian times. If we weren't, someone would be trying to figure out the significance of boiled eggs in the dream state! As it was, poor Heyes! No sympathy from his partner, but then, Curry's sleep was disturbed, too. Of course it was a scary dream - "It was six feet tall and still had it’s shell on!”

Penski: Clever Heyes! Paper is just legal stuff, huh? Heyes' fingers are still itchy. And knowing the DHG without its best leaders. some chickens are the best thing they can have. Fun story!

_________________
"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly."

"The failure in doing something is stopping too soon."
Back to top Go down
Penski
Moderator
Penski

Posts : 1433
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 58
Location : Northern California

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Icon_minitimeTue May 28, 2019 7:51 pm

Inside Outlaw – aww… I feel for poor Dr. Minner on the back of that horse – must’ve been like an E-ticket ride.  Heyes is unfortunately so right about how some Christians give the majority a bad name by doing horrific things.  And now Heyes is surprising Mac and ME by quoting Scripture!  I was thinking about that and I could see him remember this verse as being part of his memory work as a child (I still recall verses from my memory work in grade school).  Yep, Curry would be cautious – always is!  Love the lines “Nice shot” and “I’ve been practicing”.  Really loving Dr. Minner now that he’s fallen off the horse and tending to the patients.  Okay, Kid warned Mac about talking about them and yet he did.  Mac better be careful.  Poor Heyes… poor Kid watching!  Sorry, but it’s not clear if Kid actually removed the cuffs.  I’m guessing so because the doctor quit asking / objecting.   Dang Mac with his line, “Listenin’ to Heyes scream has made me hungry.”  It did help the doctor come to the decision about who was the better man, though.  Thoroughly enjoyed this chapter and it was posted just in time during the last half of my lunch.  Loved it!  applause

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
Calico

Calico

Posts : 663
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 54
Location : Birmingham

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Icon_minitimeFri May 31, 2019 10:21 am



1) Nightwalker


Hello there Nightwalker, give me a moment while I put the kettle on.

Well, this could be any of us dreaming of a very dishevelled Heyes – smile.
I am adoring the checklist!!! Especially the never let him go.


2) MoulinP

Oooh, I love Jailbreak at Junction City. Everyone is dreaming this challenge, huh? Killer egg… OH, because of the egg trick?
Bless the boys, what a nice duologue




3) Penski

Hello there bandanny wearer!!

I heart Lom. Loving that HH thinks he is a fox in the henhouse with a safe. What a happy ex-outlaw, a safe to keep him warm on the way.
Ah, the famous, “I’m not getting robbed” line.
Awwww poor Kyle, doesn’t get a chance to use the good stuff.
Clever Heyes!! And he is not even telling lies.



4) InsideOutlaw

That poor Doctor Minner, still being jolted over the ground. Oh, poor Heyes too, having his foot poked about.

I am liking the Doctor, he stands up to our boys pretty well.

Oooh, ominous. I foresee a few more twists and turns
Back to top Go down
RosieAnnie

RosieAnnie

Posts : 773
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 100
Location : The Comfy Chair

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Icon_minitimeSat Jun 01, 2019 7:56 am

Inside Outlaw: Poor Heyes! I know he's supposed to be getting better, but the process is awful. I am liking the doctor. He's back in his element, doing what he knows to do, and he takes command of the situation. And, he sees clearly, who's "safe" and who isn't.

_________________
"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly."

"The failure in doing something is stopping too soon."
Back to top Go down
Nightwalker



Posts : 73
Join date : 2018-04-16
Age : 49
Location : Germany

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Icon_minitimeSun Jun 02, 2019 1:21 am

MoulinP – What a funny story. Poor Heyes being haunted by a scary nightmare and not even getting sympathy from his partner. To be honest, I was chuckling with Kid as he learned about the content of Heyes’s dream. You sure made me laugh. Thank you :-)

Penski – I loved your story with the two foxes guarding the henhouse. You captured the boys and the atmosphere of the show perfectly. I would love if you would go for it and finish it as a VS episode. The plot has a lot of potential.

InsideOutlaw – Giving Mac his due: he’s always true to himself despite the situation. He’s a mean one and he doesn’t even try to hide it. I’m very glad that you continued your story. It’s good to learn that Kid Curry brought the doctor in time and everyone is on the mend now. I’m looking forward to see how the story will end. It there a way the boys will get rid of Mac without having him immediately on their tail again? What does the good doctor do, know Mac slipped the boys’ identities?

_________________
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."
-Dr. Seuss
Back to top Go down
Penski
Moderator
Penski

Posts : 1433
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 58
Location : Northern California

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Icon_minitimeThu Jun 20, 2019 9:43 pm

Nightwalker - So glad you continued  your silliness.  You had a wonderful visual with a half dressed Kid.  I'd be torn between the two guys, too.  And I'd be introducing them to my favorites - ice cream and chocolate.  Kinda like strong coffee with my chocolate, too, Heyes.  And you left if open for possibly more silliness with noises.  Very fun!
 
panda

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
Calico

Calico

Posts : 663
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 54
Location : Birmingham

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Icon_minitimeSun Jun 30, 2019 3:58 am




1) cjp242

(Noted – you have raised your paw for non polling.)

Now now now, CJP – you know Bret and Bart Maverick can never be seen together or the universe implodes – smile.
Has Kid done something thoroughly impulsive with an injured young dancer?
Loving the buffalo migrations of pretty girls the Kid has helped over the years.
Ooooh – what a lovely set up of our two boys having a major disappearance over who really earns the money.




2) LittleBluestem



Hello there Little Bluestem – we always love silliness.
Oooh, and we start out with a quote from Cool Hand Luke – which can never go amiss.
Absolutely loving the line…. “I would definitely stop takling about it if you would just say yes,”
Dear dear boys… we do love to see them bicker.



4) Nightwalker

Hello to one of our three bandanny wearers. Is it yellow and silky enough for you??

Uh- huh!! Half naked ex-outlaw in the kitchen alert!! This is a delightful fantasy Nightwalker. Of course, ice-cream can only improve it.


5) Penski

Hello to a second bandanny wearer.

How lovely to see our boys enjoying a little luxury for a change.
Utterly loving the name ‘ Bucket of Blood Saloon ‘
Oh, Heyes –- the Millionaires Room - something is bound to go wrong.
A president and Mark Twain – distinguished!!!
Awww and YOU were there too Penski! In spirit!!

Back to top Go down
RosieAnnie

RosieAnnie

Posts : 773
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 100
Location : The Comfy Chair

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Icon_minitimeSun Jun 30, 2019 2:55 pm

June stories -- how did it ever get to be June 30th?

Little Bluestem: I think the subtitle for this could be "irresistible force meets immovable rock." Neither one of them is about to give in, is he? Although Curry, being the man of action he is, forces the issue by getting up to leave. My favorite line, and one which encapsulates his whole personality, is Heyes': "I would definitely stop takling about it if you would just say yes."

Nightwalker: I love the banter between our boys. So much fun. And also, it's fun comparing what different kinds of appetites are on display here . . . literally!

Penski: Fun story! I was in Virginia City, too, a couple of years ago, and had a drink at the Bucket of Blood Saloon. It's nice to see our boys have a pleasant interlude. Maybe sometime you'll let us in on some of the conversation during that poker game?

Moulin P: I love this series. I probably told you before, but not lately. Our friend Curry has a lot of life skills and knowledge, but this sort of thing, picking the right formal where, is definitely not in his wheelhouse. I love how he bursts in on Caroline and reports back, "no joy there." And he finally figures out the answer to his quandary, by not figuring out himself. Fun story!

_________________
"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly."

"The failure in doing something is stopping too soon."
Back to top Go down
Penski
Moderator
Penski

Posts : 1433
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 58
Location : Northern California

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Icon_minitimeSun Jun 30, 2019 3:26 pm

Little Bluestem - How in the heck did I miss your story? I remember scrolling down from Calico telling us what the topic was to Nightwalker's story. sigh... I'm sorry I delayed in commenting. You probably thought I didn't comment because I didn't like it. Far from the truth. I loved this challenge. The bantering sounded such much like an episode. I agree with RosieAnnie and my favorite line is Heyes', too: "I would definitely stop talking about it if you would just say yes." That is SO Heyes! Very enjoyable challenge!

Moulin P - I really feel for the Kid feeling outta sorts picking the perfect black suit when they all look the same. And at a gala like that, unfortunately, folks would notice if he picked the wrong one. Even Crowdry, who gets paid to make these kind of decisions, and Caroline, who probably accepted the invite getting him into this mess, aren't helpful. Well, until the Kid forces the issue. Fun challenge!

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
Penski
Moderator
Penski

Posts : 1433
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 58
Location : Northern California

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Icon_minitimeSun Jun 30, 2019 3:30 pm

cjp242 - Love your style and descriptive writing! This doesn't seem to be going well. It' reminds me of the third episode when Heyes and Curry are more snarky and unhappy with each other. Definitely don't seem like they are the happy-go luck partners they were in the first seasons. Curious how this is going to end.

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
Penski
Moderator
Penski

Posts : 1433
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 58
Location : Northern California

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Icon_minitimeSun Jun 30, 2019 10:09 pm

Inside Outlaw - I was checking all day for your challenge and you didn't disappoint. Love how Doc Minner is getting more bold with what he wants. Glad he won the transportation decision this time. Mac is dang frustrating, trying all he can to make it difficult for Curry and especially Heyes. Wonderful challenge, as always, and looking forward to more.

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
Calico

Calico

Posts : 663
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 54
Location : Birmingham

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Icon_minitimeSun Jun 30, 2019 11:18 pm




5) MoulinP
Now this IS a genuine second bandanny wearer – I was having a rush of blood to the head when I said Penski had a May bandanny – and she is slipping under the wire.

Well, judging by the blue/grey monstrosity he used to wear, Kid could certainly do with a valet – smile.

Loving the suggestion of a coin toss.


6) InsideOutlaw

Yeah!! Final bandanny wearer has also snuck under the wire.

Oooh – ouch. No matter what, I still feel sorry for Mac having his thumb snapped back into joint.

So… will the boys get arrested again??? Pom pom pom. The tension continues
Back to top Go down
MoulinP

MoulinP

Posts : 57
Join date : 2015-10-15

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Icon_minitimeWed Jul 03, 2019 5:46 am

Little Bluestem
Really good banter. Could really hear them in my head with Pete and Ben’ voices as I read.

Nightwalker
Probably every ASJ fan’s best dream. Really good banter seems to be the unofficial theme of the month.

Penski
Great description and research. It was only a matter of time before Hannibal Heyes played poker with other notable players of the time.

Inside Outlaw
After his initial fright on the ride in, Doc Minner is now slowly taking charge of the situation. Next month’s challenge prompt should being an interesting development for the boys. Can’t wait.
Back to top Go down
Nightwalker



Posts : 73
Join date : 2018-04-16
Age : 49
Location : Germany

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Icon_minitimeThu Jul 04, 2019 9:54 am

Little Bluestem – A funny little story that worked very well for me: the both of them arguing, not willing to draw back for love nor money. One thing they accomplish perfectly with their stubbornness is drawing attention.

Penski – What an interesting journey to Virginia City. How beautiful it is that you could visit all these places. Thank you for taking us with you in this story in the company of the boys and thanks for the additional pictures and historical information.

MoulinP – I love Kid Curry stirring up life in an upper-class household and embarrassing both the lady of the house as well as the employees. I bet nobody ever got bored since he moved there.
What a hard decision to choose between tree almost similar suits without knowing which of the minor differences indicates out the right one for the occasion. He deals with the problem very well ;-)

InsideOutlaw – I’m glad that you continued your story. To be honest, I’m always waiting to hear more about the boys and Mac. Mac is such a perfect character to detest.
The boys really did suffer enough to consider desperate measures, but I’m glad that they didn’t decide to leave the country. It didn’t work out well for Butch Cassidy and Sundance Kid and I doubt our boys would be better off than them.
I’m curious how they will manage to get rid of Mac (without shooting him – kudos to Kid Curry’s self-restaint!) and dodge the law when they will come into town.

cjp242 – I’m pretty sure I never read a story written by you before. I really like your style and your descriptive language.
The boys get crossed and soon things get out of control. Heyes thinks much too much and talks too little. When his silver tongue gets into action, he starts off the real trouble. The Kid isn’t in a forgiving mood – and even as a Heyes’s girl I have to admit I’m with him in this case – gets the drop on Heyes and leaves him trussed up and relieved of a good part of the money – which I wouldn’t want to call ‘his’ but ‘they had between them’.
I agree with Penski that this easily could be the start of a third season’s episode. Both of them behaved in a way, that can’t bring good to anyone. We all know what happens almost every time the boys separate. I sure hope that they can straighten things out again.

_________________
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."
-Dr. Seuss
Back to top Go down
Dan Ker



Posts : 4
Join date : 2019-05-19

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Icon_minitimeSun Jul 07, 2019 5:23 am

1) LittleBluestem

Your story is based on a verbal disagreement. Very well written with play of words.
One side says it`s a failure of communication and the other says it`s a difference of opinion - that`s a matter of opinion.
I almost felt sorry for the Kid, who was nearly talked into the ground by the silver-tongue. An endless discussion of two stubborn heads about such a triviality like staying another night at the hotel or not - this is great and aptly named - a pleasure to read!
One of the great sentences is already mentioned several times - I couldn`t agree more, wonderful. Another good lines are,which characterizes both of them " I don`t think you`re really considering the entire situation"."What`s it gonna take to shut you up about this?"
The way you reflect their difference of opinion in their whole behaviour and stance, the Kid all worked up and Heyes "the picture of innocence", who hovers over him, that`s lovely.

2) Nightwalker

A refrigerator resembles a safe! Never thought about that!
A funny continuing of Heyes and Kid dropped in modern times and therefore confusing a female fan whether she`s dreaming or not.
A very interesting implement of the prompt, which differs from all the other presented stories. The difference of opinion doesn`t show itself in a verbal communication but is between the mind and the heart. To see Kid Curry in reality - what else can you wish?
The story is written in your unique style. For example: "to bring some light into the darkness, literally. And she tried to switch the light on."
You take up the issue repeatedly in your story, maybe even without even noticing it. For example:
1. concerning Kids and the woman`s dressing; a decent dressing is always in the eye of the beholder.
2. Kid`s interested in modern tasty food - Heyes`interest in the technical things.
3. In the very good banter as well: " You wouldn`t make it one week without me" - "I can."
4. "You were scared when you didn`t see your partner " - "Nope."
5. to coax the Kid into staying; or letting the cowboy of her dreams go because she knows splitting up means bad things happen to them...
Very good in another way.

3) Penski

How would you describe a real fan of ASJ?
Someone who even thinks about the boys in his spare time or holiday while you should be occupied with other things...You obviously have an indulgent husband. To dwell on the thought how our heros would fit into the scenery of an exclusive hotel and to spin a story out of it combined with doing a lot of research...marvelous! You came up with a good one!
Nice to see how the boys enjoy staying at a luxury hotel with all comforts of life, instead of sleeping on hard ground. Funny to see how they get to know the latest amenities, the elevator.
And despite that Heyes is being able to look behind the facade. "You just have to act like a millionaire by dressing like one and wave around some money" - the truth, even in modern times! If you just think about the German woman who stood on trial in America accused of imposture.
Heyes can`t resist a high stake poker game. The difference of opinions is well implemented. Kid - always wary and against it, and Heyes " Millionaires aren`t danger."
Absolutely fitting the sentence" You can`t tell me what to do...end of discussion."

4) MoulinP

I`m really sorry for the Kid. What kind of terrible things he had to endure during his outlaw days and the time trying to get the amnesty? And now, in his new life, what happens? He hasn`t to take care of other outlaws, possees or bounty hunters but to make a difficult decision between three obviously similar suits ! What a challenge for our former gunslinger!
I like the way you draw a picture of his valet. He always seems to be wary of saying something wrong. I`m sure he already figured out how quick tempered the Kid can be. I can imagine his frightened, apprehensive look on his face.
When two worlds collide...
In his non committed behaviour he doesn`t have an opinion of his own. Therefore the prompt isn`t correctly pointed. It isn`t a real difference of opinion. But it doesn`t matter.
"It`s not for me to say." "I give you permission to say." - Splendid. Like a real servant of the upper class.
And at the end the Kid chooses the easy way...and his valet is on his own.
I think even in his post amnesty life the Kid still prefers to have a more decisive person at his side...

5) InsideOutlaw

I can`t say too much about your story, but I`ve read all the previous chapters. I like the story very much. Full of thrill and adventure as usual. I`m curious to follow up on it, though, if your story is finished ( not until the next 30 chapter, I hope), I`m going to read it again as a whole. ..
Very nice to see that the good doctor sticks to his oath and isn`t tempted by the reward money.
Each time a shiver runs down my spine when I read and think about the injuries and their treatments in your story. Your characters really must be able to support pain. Very good the idea how the Kid intimidates Mac.
I can understand the doctors inability to ride a horse. If he grew up in a bigger city perhaps it wasn`t necessary to learn to ride, if you can just take a coach, it`s easier, isn`t It? Even in our modern times, where it`s common to use the internet and websites there are a few people who are not able to work with them that easily.
And thank you, Regina, for your help, I finally found the button to post and even managed to lock me in by myself. I just have no idea what I was doing wrong when the first draft vanished...
A true sentence: " It wouldn`t be the first time" - that they have to make important decisions what their next step could be. And therefore discuss their different opinions...well embedded in this chapter.



Back to top Go down
Penski
Moderator
Penski

Posts : 1433
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 58
Location : Northern California

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Icon_minitimeSat Jul 13, 2019 8:07 pm

WichitaRed - You wrote a challenge - it's been too long since the last one and you've been missed! Love your descriptive writing as I feel like I'm riding with them, shirt sticking to my back and just plodding along. You show Heyes very well as the youngster and no one has respect for, but even now he's thinking of ways to improve and be better. Wondering if you watched the episode when coming up with these outlaw names or if they were real folks or you were just being creative. Very good challenge! thumbsup

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
Penski
Moderator
Penski

Posts : 1433
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 58
Location : Northern California

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Icon_minitimeThu Jul 18, 2019 4:29 pm

RosieAnnie wrote a challenge… and a fun one, too! Love Heyes’ impatience as he had to wait and Kyle’s love for fireworks / explosives. You had Kyle’s dialog and character down pat. Heyes and Curry justifying their robbery worked well. Boy, I’m feeling the heat and smelling Kyle with your writing. Loved Curry’s plan and Kyle’s final reaction to it. They would’ve saved their noses if they had done it before bed instead of the morning, but then things may not have dried as well (better to stick with the Kid’s Plan). Wonderful challenge – have missed your stories! sm

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
Penski
Moderator
Penski

Posts : 1433
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 58
Location : Northern California

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Icon_minitimeThu Aug 01, 2019 6:54 am

Inside Outlaw - Okay, I admit, I looked at my phone every hour yesterday. Did she post yet? Finally, she did! I really loved this story and it was seamless with all the challenges Calico kept throw your way. Mac just doesn't give up, does he? Loved the confession of the doctor's. And, once again, a good story draws to a close. Unless, of course, you're taking us to Lom's visit. Wonderful! applause

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
RosieAnnie

RosieAnnie

Posts : 773
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 100
Location : The Comfy Chair

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Icon_minitimeThu Aug 01, 2019 8:18 am

July challenges--

Wichita Red: That boy just never learns, does he? Your descriptions are so vivid: "Heyes whole appearance took on that of a kicked dog," and "Ollie Johnston’s deep-set eyes narrowed, his head turning slowly like a rattler taking aim." I felt like I was riding along with them, and that annoying kid, on a stinking hot day.

Penski: I think maybe Heyes should be called "kid," because he left youthful enthusiasm overtake adult discretion. Dive in with both feet, Heyes! Or maybe not? In my city, we get more stories about rip currents in the lake than fast rivers, but yeah, people just don't think. And hypothermia is a killer. Luckily, not in this case!

Inside Outlaw: What a terrific ending to your story. I love that there was more to the Doctor than he wanted to say. And yeah, I know a couple poker players in Chicago, but luckily, they play for fun.

_________________
"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly."

"The failure in doing something is stopping too soon."
Back to top Go down
Calico

Calico

Posts : 663
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 54
Location : Birmingham

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Icon_minitimeThu Aug 01, 2019 10:55 am

1) WichitaRed

Hello there Wichita Red!! And, thank you for being a good gal and trimming for the challenge.

Ooooh – a very young Hannibal Heyes… Annoying the Plummer gang in the heatwave with too much of the silver tongue, huh? I am liking him pretending not to hear them laugh as he is made to ride at the back. Awwww.



2) RosieAnnie

And hello to you, Rosie.

Oh yes – raises a quizzical eyebrow – Heyes is leaving the depositors money?? Of course we do love our larcenous boys on the side of the angels, smile.

Am loving Wheat and Kyle enjoying the fireworks!!

Ooo-eeer!! I think I know what is about to happen to Kyle.
Gosh – nearly nekkid boys!! You spoil us.
And YES – Kyle is convince to give ‘clean’ a try.
That was really sweet, Rosie.


3) Penski

Hello Penski (not polling you as you have another bandanny to add to your growing collection )

And the boys are bathing again!! It as if you ladies love to get them undressed and wet.

Oh Heyes!!! Hold on!! Kid is coming for you.

This is lovely tense editing Penski. YES … we are having warnings over here about how cold water in the lakes, etc., can be. Do be careful folks!!


4) InsideOutlaw

I like the Doc more and more as he tells Kid ‘turn about is fair play.’
Nice come back to Mac - Cyrus Elwood.

Not sure I fancy dried porcupine – don’t the spines get stuck in your teeth??


That is not a bad game idea – Poker mixed with ‘Truth’.
Oh No!!! The tables turn in Mac’s favour again!! You do toy with us, Inside.

And, back again! That was tense.

Awwww – the end of a great and complex villain. Clapping hard.
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content




Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... Icon_minitime

Back to top Go down
 
Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...
Back to top 
Page 1 of 2Go to page : 1, 2  Next
 Similar topics
-
» Misc comments

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Alias Smith and Jones Writers  :: The Writing Spot :: The Story Challenge :: Awestruck Comments-
Jump to: