Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17

nm131 - Heyes (or you!) expertly draws the analogy with The Three Little Pigs and his own relationships with women, versus his partner's. Very well written, well thought out, and great use of the prompt!


WichitaRed - I found the beginning (where Heyes is shot and doesn't realize it yet) very vivid and intense. Your use of first person enhances your challenge nicely.


Cal - I enjoyed the "wall of water" tale, and especially Heyes' line - "Hole in the Wall."


Alias Alice - I found your challenge different, interesting, and enjoyable, Alice. I certainly hope you will be adding to this story.


cac - Incuding the folklore about the Loretto Chapel adds nicely to your challenge. It was also a nice touch to tie the story's ends together by ending the story with a reference back to the beginning.


HannaHeyes - Cute references to young Jed reaching for his sling-shot when awakened from a sound sleep. Loved the idea that their family members are looking at the Northern Lights from Heaven. I liked the details you added at the end. Well done, HannaHeyes!


MoulinP - This is really very good, Moulin! I would love to read an expanded version of this story.


Maz - You made good use of the prompt in this fun, short piece. I am amazed at how well you capture the boys' personalities. Great job!


Cornelia May - So sad yet so sweet. A very tender story.


Penski - Sheriff Fife and Deputy Taylor? ;) Great idea to have the Kid use the "bounty hunter" trick to secure the guards. The pictures at the end were nice too.

Cal
This awestruck comment is about your artwork, not your writing.  I went to the website you gave us to see your painting of the Northern Lights, (following HannaHeyes' challenge involving the boys seeing the Lights), and was really impressed by all your paintings.  Including the ones of the boys at the start. Thanks for letting us see them!

MoulinP
Interesting the way that you make memory loss into a wall between Heyes and reality. A glimpse into his future too - we can all imagine him becoming a writer.  And glad he makes a love match.

Maz
Are you sure you didn't write the dialogue for the TV series?  This sounds exactly right, exactly like them. I can hear them saying it!  So glad you're writing again.

Cornelia May
This is so sad!  Very well-written, but hard to read because of the sadness of it.  Well done.

Penski
What very rough justice was dished out in the Old West.
And what dreadful treatment you could expect once convicted.  Quite horrible imprisonment conditions, as the photos show. Thank heavens Kid managed to rescue Heyes.
Your challenge was quite an eye-opener.

Alias Alice: For someone who felt uninspired, you wrote a lovely scene. Will there be more to this chance meeting?

Cac: Clever concept about how the boys met and ran off together on the spur of the moment. Lucky it worked so well for them. I liked how it started as a story from their kid days and fast forwarded to them traveling with Jim Stokely. It's a darn good thing Heyes never really trusted Jim.

HannaHeyes: Good descriptions of the northern lights to start off your tale and I like how they took Heyes back to a happy memory.

MoulinP: Poor Mary, having her husband not remember her but she handled it with her usual aplomb. It ain't easy being married to an ex-outlaw.

Maz: Loved the whole scene with our stubborn, bickering heroes. The bantering was perfect as always.

Cornelia: This was so pitiful at the beginning but you brought it around and showed us how much we all need someone we can lean on.

Penski: Loved this whole story. The hug. Curry doing the lockpicking. Heyes in prison stripes. Especially love the locales as St. Elmo's and Tin Cup are near us and two of my favorite spots!

THE WRONG ENVELOPE

Cac- Got to say, I adore that you feel the same way about Clem as I do. And, hearing she mailed the photo to the paper, just put my teeth on edge. Love the idea that there is a image of Heyes, Kid, and Lom. Would have loved to seen how the Denver Sheriff stunned them into revealing their names. Too much fun, tricking the Denver Sheriff and what a groaner of a joke form the joshing Joshua. Thanks for sharing

Cal- LOLOLOLOLO.... where outlaws drink whiskey all day. Very clever, I could never create anything like that and this was a tickle bone fun. Thanks for sharing.

THE WALL

Cal-- how very intriguing. What is the sound? I am as baffled as Kid and Lom. Ahhh, I am picturing the falls in Last of the Mohicans. Oh boy and Lom is the law in this story. Liked your little snipet. Thanks for sharing.

Alias Alice- nice little piece of romance, pleasant what if. Well done, liked the children and your descriptions. Thanks for sharing

Cac- Wow good start. (I'm a cousin fan, but I can go with what you are introducing in your tale) I like how you have them meeting. Do not think I have read one with Stokely before. Nice choice of a episode character and sweet the way Heyes shifted the story telling from them. I can hear Heyes' inner grumbling as Kid goes about chattering triggernometry with Jim. Oh my goodness, you actually had Heyes clean his gun...that is a rare feat too. Boy, that is really a skunk move of Jim's and here, Kid really liked him and all. Adore that you included Santa Fe history in your piece, it is a amazing chapel. "beware of meat twice boil'e and an old foe reconcil'd" Terrific quote and great twist thanks for sharing

HannaHeyes- Nice opening scene, really brings up the curiosity level. Great visual description of Kid rubbing down some unruly curls. Enjoy your questioning version of Han, I am sure it is exactly the way he was. So enjoying the visiting of the Curry farm...it is easy to visualize, great input about Jed's brother's groaning when they saw it was their chattering, question filled cousin. WOW..."your going to be in jail for breaking and enterin' by the time you're twelve" What a prophetic statement. You really do a nice job on soft touch emotions on the childhood part. Very nice. A tear in his eye...that is what you did to a lot of us. Well done and thank you for sharing.

Love the bit of history regarding the Northern Lights. In my novel, I am working on, I used a astronomical event too. I figure, like you, it would have been seen by just about everyone, so why not use it for a story. Look up the Comet of July 2 1861, if you like this type of stuff.

MoulinP-- this is really great. Such a terrific classic Heyes line, "Oh no, Ma'am, I don't have a wife. I think, I'd remember if I did." Boy, he thinks he is playing it so cool and then she blatantly tells him...you call him Jed or Kid, too. Bet those beautiful browns popped wide open. Great continuation, curious to see where you go. Bet his wife is worried sick about him. If'n I were here, I would hate to have to go through breaking open that cynics heart twice. What a terrible blow for a wife. Cannot imagine losing nearly seven years of your life and Heyes the way he tracks details this must be a sheer ride to Hades for him, despite Lom's soothing manner. Love the slipping episodes in to be part of his memory. Brilliant! Great ending the droplets of love seeping through the wall and bringing him back as each brick falls. Thanks for sharing.

Maz- Love the opening. I can see it. Every bit of it even the cheeky grin when Heyes says, "your taller." You always have their dialogue down so well, "I suffer in silence." SNORT....that is great but not as great as..."After all these years, I know when you're hurtin' and believe me, you ain't" Do not know what they need to go over this wall for, but it happened with the traditional Heyes and Curry aplomb. Well done, thanks for sharing this short fun piece.

Cornelia May-- oooh another challenge continuation, congrats and excited to read. wow how terribly, wrenching sad. well written, thanks for sharing.

Penski-- Heyes felt cold metal on his neck. Now that is a heck of a way to start a story. Got me listening almost as intently as Heyes is. Oh no...he is seperated from Kid, bad things always happen when they apart. (Really you demoted Sheriff Taylor...how could you do that to Andy?) Man this Sheriff is hard core and oh, our poor, Heyes in prison stripes. How terrible to imagine. Love the quick simple communication you had between them as Kid walked by, efficient and well written. Bravo! Talk about pushing a nerve, the Deputy is wearing his clothes and his HAT...oh boy. Terrific rescue by Kid...well done, Bravo, had that episode feeling. Thanks for Sharing.

THE WALL

Maz-- poor Heyes, I feel for him. And, Kid in the same state...and you leave us us hangin'. Touche Maz, but come on tell us more.

Cac - Heyes playing patience? Oh they're in jail... poor Kid... give him a turn. Oh they're in Denver...so is she?... She's done WHAT?!!!! I'm with Heyes on this one "It doesn’t make any sense.” Loving the Dear reader asides....very Austen-esque. Ahhh...she mixed up the envelopes, well I might forgive her then.  Lom needs a plan and fast...OMG...now she's twisting the knife into Lom! Well I'm glad that worked... Do you think the boys will accept that from Clem...or....would Kid be loading his gun  

Cal - What the Sam Hill was THAT!

WichitaRed - This is getting better and better. Dostoyevsky? We are heading up market.. Oh good is something good going to happen in Wichita this time...Kid's happy. Oh...he thinks they're leaving Brilliant banter scene between the partners...could see every nuance. Kudos to Maz then for the letter...very purple prose. Excellent ribbing of the blue eyed adonis. Oh dear ...What is Heyes planning...he wouldn't be considering dealing seconds now would he.... sounds like a lot more trouble in Wichita to me... fabulous... keep going

Alias Alice - Thanks for the appreciation of the art work - That's an old fb page... I was trying to demonstrate to some art students that they could be a bit braver with sharing their work... I can admit now , it was a bit scary putting the process out there   but I'm glad you enjoyed them.
Calx

Wichita- "triggernometry" – nice!

And yeah, I’d like to know how the sheriff got them to admit their names too. I needed them to be known to fit the story, and I’m sure they would be shocked by Clem releasing the photo to the newspaper, but the sheriff is a dolt, so…I’m leaving that scene to you all, dear readers. Hey, I’m a newbie at this ☺

I also think I didn’t quite peg Lom’s character right. He’s a little too goofy (haha!), but then, that’s the role he needed to convince the sheriff. I think IO nailed it a few months ago with Lom’s conversation with that sheriff in her “Fragile” story.

Penski-I like a few! I like Helen, the saloon girl in 5th victim. She knew what she wanted and went for it. Ahem. I also like Michelle (although not the singing) in San Juan because she was pretty straight up with Kid, both what she liked and what she didn’t. I do agree that Clem wouldn’t have actually turned them in; that’s why I had her giving them the final photo (I assume ☺) as a thank-you gift. But it was just too good to not have her manipulate Lom with yet another one because she’s just that way ☺ As for Denver, I have some vague memory that the end of “Clementine” was in Denver meeting with the law, so this could be not too long after they were there anyway and she’d met Jim somewhat recently during the con. I could easily be wrong. But it was nice and close enough to WY to be reasonable that Lom could ride over.


WRONG ENVELOPE:

Cal: Love it! I love how the singing just degenerates in clarity over the verses, and I can just HEAR them getting louder and funnier. The use of (…) is perfect. Great line: I wrote it quite clear/Said Wheat, trying to focus his eyes

Hehe!

WR:
So true to life how Heyes is getting down and negative just stuck in bed all these weeks.
Love this kind of descriptive writing-it captures not just the physical scene but each man’s character: “Curry glanced at the thick book lying on the calico bedspread and rolled his eyes. However, his smile returned. A full, boyish smile that was contagious enough Heyes could not help but return it. Then, with showmanship flare….”

And finally someone provided some naked outlaw flesh that we didn’t get last time: “Curry having removed his shirt…”
Thank goodness.

“Well, not everyone is as larcenous as you, Heyes.”
Hehe again!

Kid sold Heyes’ gun?! Hmmm. It’s interesting to consider what a financially hard time they have of it, going straight even for this short time while Heyes is recovering. Heyes has the poker skills, but as so many writers have thought about, what can Kid do solo if he's not working as a gunman? This must have been a consideration when they later debate going for the amnesty.

I think this is your best one yet of this overall story. The banter, expressions, and descriptions of Kid’s movement all around the room are spot on. It’s interesting that Heyes is fed up enough with recovering that he’s willing to go back out to gamble after their last excursion with that in Wichita. Some nice foreshadowing with “hurly burly.” And excellent set-up for whatever happens next month!

Cac
Very clever idea of the wrongly addressed letters.   Good take on the challenge.  And we DO wonder if Clem might turn them in - she doesn't seem wholly trustworthy to me either.  I like the way that Lom got the boys out of the predicament.  And the opening part was very funny with Kid so bored when Heyes challenges himself to a game of Solitaire.  We've seen this kind of situation in the actual series. Enjoyable story.

Cal
Hilarious, Cal! Absolutely hilarious. Loved the way the gang got  happier and happier!  How DOES Heyes lick them into shape?!?

WitchitaRed
Loved it that Heyes was reading 'Crime and Punishment'!  (And also very impressed that you can quote from it so extensively!).  Very amusing that Kid thought Heyes was reading a romance - but that makes it all the worse when we realise the mistake over the tickets.  Not funny at all.
Enjoyed reading this latest chapter of interaction between the two of them, and seeing how you incorporated the challenge.  You are making the monthly challenge extra difficult for yourself.
Will Heyes be able to restore their fortunes?  I'm betting he will.

The wrong envelope
By Nebraska wildfire

Good to see you here, thank you for joining in.
I was wondering who would do stories such as this. Glad to see it
Love the line ... we was even talking about going back to robbing banks.
I like your description of being in a place beyond words, very clever. Absolutely perfect descriptions of the dichotomy of their personalities. Wow that is a quick and true reaction from Kidd. I like your description and then learned what it was like get Kid Curry to turn his icy gaze upon him. Well done. You really have some grand descriptions of the boys I am enjoying reading it immensely. A nice comfortable ending to the well told story. Thank you for sharing

Nebraska Wildfire – This is your first challenge posted here? It’s really good! You wrote the boys’ characters very well. I love the pessimistic optimism of the guys towards the news. Oh, I loved the Kid’s response to the envelope. Yep, they can come across the nicest guys or hardened men. Two sets of envelopes with the opposite news. I liked the reasoning of why the time was finally right. There's the "gotta have faith" used twice - good. And now that they have it, what’s next? Very good!

Nebraska Wildfire
What a brilliant start. I really enjoyed this.  Such a clever idea.  And the boys reactions to everything was wholly believable. I loved the line about being honest for so long that they couldn't now pull off a job.  But then I loved it all.  So well-written.  More, please!

The Wrong Envelope

cac - I'm one of the few who doesn't mind Clem and sometimes even likes her. I don't think she would ever deliberately hurt the boys. And she is very good at getting her way. I would imangine one would get really realy bored in jail very quickly leading to getting on one anothers nerves. Of course Lom rides to the rescue Clever to tie in the wrong envelopes with April Fools Day.

Cal - This was very funny and got funnier as it went on. My hat's off to anyone who can write rhyme, well done.

WitchitaRed and guest appearance from Maz - Great! Another chapter of Destiny's Cycle. Lot of good lines from Crime and Punishment, although I'm with Curry that book would never be on my reading list. This was a very descriptive both in showing us the scene and in the personalities of Curry and Heyes. Thank goodness for them that the long road to recovery is finally coming to an end. Maz- what a love letter.

Nebraska Wildfire - Thank you for joining the challenges and you made a very good start. Very true characterizations of Heyes and Curry. I could just picture the personality changes of Kid, especially. They are chameleon and you captured the reactions to the envelopes expertly. You also wrote a pretty realistic ending as well. Hope to read more from you.

nm131 - Oh, what a sad beginning, but he's calling his lawyer.  Maybe to put his favorite nephew in the will?  Loving how the boys enter Lom's office.  Oh, he did!  He gave them what!?!  Cute that Heyes got Curry's and Curry got Heyes'.  WOW!  Yep, all about leverage.  What a great challenge!  

Cac: Oh that Clementine! Still causing problems, but through carelessness this time. Thank goodness she had that other photo, right? And I like the idea of her with Diamond Jim Guffey. The bit with solitaire and the running gags were great fun. Nice story!

Cal: Great lines here - "Where never is heard, an encouraging word
And the guys can drink whiskey all day," especially as a running gag that develops. Lots of good, funny lines here. I really did LOL and scared the cat.

Wichita Red: Poor Kid! Whether he got fooled or was the subject of an honest mistake, he's stuck. My favorite lines in this story: "You rob banks and trains for a living and you trusted him.” I admire the way you wove lines from Heyes' book into the story. And yeah, if I was Kid, I'd probably be sick and tired of being quoted to all the time.

Nebraska Wildfire: I think you captured the hopelessness Heyes and Curry must have been feeling, even as they responded to Lom's telegrams. I thought that getting the papers about transportation to prison showed how close that possibility had been. And the governor did use a convincing argument -- if we drag this out any further, we could unintentionally force them back into thieving. This is a thoughtful and well constructed story.

NM131: Good old Mac! Yeah, he may have been fond of our boys, but I think he might have enjoyed thinking about the reactions of the railroad men when they heard who their new partner was. I've heard of striking out from beyond the grave via a will, but Mac used his financial power to help his friends. And, of course, Carlotta was well-provided for. I love how you found an original angle to the whole Mac saga.

I'm trying to finish up February. I've gotten so far behind in reading and comments, but I'm going to try to catch up. This last month and a half has been extremely chaotic around my place, (and is still ongoing, but I'll not get into all that), and I've only spent short times online, only getting a longer session every so often. But anyway, this isn't the place for that, so on to the belated February stories...

MoulinP - I really enjoyed this story. It is quite disorienting waking up not knowing where you are or what happened. So, Heyes' mind is six years in the past. What a surprise everything is going to be to him. Nice interpretation of the prompt. Loved it. Is this an event that happened after the lawman that knew Heyes showed up in town? I'd be interested in reading about that encounter.

Maz - Loved this exchange of dialogue. A picture of the wall they went over at Armenderez's ranch came to mind. Sounded just like something that should've been in the show.

Cornelia May - What a heartbreaking story. How awful for Heyes. At least he has his daughter there for comfort. Hopefully, happier days are ahead of him.

Penski - I loved this story! How uncomfortable and cold that cell had to be. Talk about being railroaded...no fair trial there at all. Loved how Heyes offered to get out to make the cell lighter for them to move. I thought that was right generous. Happy that Kid was able to rescue him, and that Heyes got his stuff back from the deputy.

By the way, Cal, I looked up your painting of the northern lights. It's beautiful! I loved it! Also, if anyone is interested, the website http://www.spaceweather.com has a global map daily showing where the lights are able to be seen. I had the pleasure of seeing them in 2004. I also remember the next day at the tv station where I worked, that a few crazy people called in saying we were being attacked because they saw bombs going off the previous night...

Nebraska Wildfire - I got a little worried when Lom's telegram asked them to go straight to Cheyenne - think I was as nervous as Kid.  Five years...that's a long time , makes the crack about going back to robbing very believable. Lom seems confident....wish I was.  Heyes was nervous, which make Curry nervous.... excellent reading of the partnership.  Loving Kid's reaction to the bad news.... I wonder if he would have shot his way out if there hadn't been the slip up with the envelopes.  Chilling that both scenarios were covered, but again you write it convincingly. I like that you have Kid just as quick to accept and celebrate the good news, he really wears the emotions on his sleeve at times like these.  I love the banter at the end... with his hat pulled low, low as his spirits ....thats a great line, and I can really believe they'd take time to adjust, could even mourn the passing of their exciting past... glad Kid got to use the faith come back.... another excellent challenge.

nm131 - OOOooo nice idea, Big Mac's demise and him setting everyone up with a tricky will after his passing... very Big Mac....very believable... but relly clever of you to think that up.  Kudos!  Uncle Mac’s had a soft spot for his nephew Thaddeus.. yes that's how I read it too.. think (you) Heyes is spot on there. I love the identification question....lol Like they'd carry papers! I think you've given yourself a very interesting future to explore here.. this could spark so many fantastic future stories.  Wouldn't you just give anything to see the reaction of the railroad bosses to Jed or even the laughing banker's reaction to Mr H Heyes as partner.   Wonderful imagination and yet another great set of what ifs from your creative pen....love it.

Moulin P - Just finished reading your "Settling Wheat" and now your challenge is making much more sense. I'd feel queasy nervous about a possible mix up if I were Mike, too. Curious about this Bloodstone now after reading what he did to Paul. Hmm... Hope you're writing more chapters and quickly.

Moulin P - Just finished reading you story that you referenced for the wrong envelope challenge story. I feel for the clerk who may have mixed up the envelopes both for the reaction of Bloodstone who appears a proper villian and from Kid who wants the Pine Lake property not grassy flats. I am intrigued by the "Settling Wheat"" story as it is an interesting premise. although I grieve the loss of Kyle. I'm glad you found a way to have Heyes and Curry together, at least for awhile, since their relationship is the root of the magic for me. Keep writing.

[color=#9900cc]Cornelia May[/color] - I enjoyed reading your take on the wrong envelopes at a will reading. Bittersweet for the partners who not only are reminded of a place with so many mixed emotions but the what if situation Martha wanted to provide. Martha Edwards must have harbored a bit of misplaced guilt and also a sense of what if to remember Heyes and Curry so kindly in her will. Nicely written, thank you.