Alias Smith and Jones Writers
Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.

Alias Smith and Jones Writers

A forum devoted to writers of Alias Smith and Jones Fan Fiction
 
HomePortalGallerySearchRegisterLog in

 

 Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19

Go down 
Go to page : Previous  1 ... 9 ... 14, 15, 16
AuthorMessage
Penski
Moderator
Penski

Posts : 1507
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 59
Location : Northern California

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Icon_minitimeSun Mar 31, 2019 9:18 pm

Elleree - Is that the conclusion or will there be more of this adventure? It could be a good ending. Kid Curry to the rescue (I almost had a Kid Curry's smoking gun rescuing Heyes - glad I changed it now). I absolutely love this line:

“Oh you know me, Heyes,” Curry said. “I had to search the town, rescue a girl from gunmen, get here, search every dang line cabin on the property, and then have a shootout on horseback first. The usual.”

Both partners seem to have some wear and tear to them, but nothing a bath and a good night's sleep won't cure. Really enjoyed this challenge. applause

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
Elleree

Elleree

Posts : 62
Join date : 2016-06-29

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Icon_minitimeSun Mar 31, 2019 9:32 pm

Moulin P:  Nial H Benshaye. I love it, though I knew it was an anagram the second I saw it. And I love Lom’s response. As well as the idea to do it in the first place.

Despite himself, Lom smiled at an image of the Governor of Wyoming, a solemn and serious man, sat in front of a fire reading a dime novel.
So did I!

Y’see they complement each other, work as a team. They keep each other in check. I don’t think either would do very well without the other.
Lom is exactly right. I really like him in this.

Especially with,
Yes sir. I’ll think of something to keep ‘em in Porterville for six months.” If it kills me, he added to himself. Hah!  Hooray for amnesty! Though I don’t envy Lom trying to convince them to stay put…

Maz:
So excited to see a story by you!

And you have Kid in character nicely. Loved his response to the sheriff.

“How ‘bout those keys?” Kid Curry asked, his hands grasping the bars as he raised his chin in the direction of the desk.

And then you made me very worried for him and for Heyes, too, when you revealed he didn’t know where his partner was.

Kid rested his head on the bars and let out a long breath. “Where are you, Heyes?” he whispered.


Yes, where is he? Inquiring minds need to know! :) I hope this is a story you will finish as I love the set up you have so far.

Inside Outlaw:

I was happy to see this continuance. I feel so terrible for both Heyes and Curry. You really do a great job of showing the way they care about each other.

I don’t feel badly for Mac—he deserved to be shot in the foot. Well, okay, I did feel empathy for him but that was before he decided to kill Heyes if possible. Hurry back, Kid! Excellent writing and can’t wait for the next installment.  

Penski:
An outlaw days story—those are fun. Nice to see the aftermath of a successful robbery!

I love your characterization of Kid. You have him pegged as the worrying type several times.

First with: “You play penny ante poker now so you don’t have to concentrate much on the game and we’ll go over to the Silver Dollar when I come back down. Deal?”

Loved that line. Yes, he wanted him to watch the loot… But I’m sure he also wanted Heyes to watch the room and stay out of trouble when Kid wasn’t there to watch his back.

Then he comes out and says: “I’ll just stay here by the counter. Can keep an eye on the door and all while watchin’ your back.”

I’m also a sucker for historical details, heh. I’ve read a lot about guns in the old days, too, and you’re dead right that they were pretty smoky. That worked to their advantage in this case.

The fact they paid the bartender for damages was a nice touch and I’m glad Kyle and Wheat came to the rescue effectively this time! Great story! And I look forward to reading the other one you plotted out. ;)

Remuda:

Glad I wasn't the only one dodging the wire this time! I'm also glad you made it in time. You did an excellent job setting the scene, here. I could picture this scene quite easily, and not just because we've seen Kid practice his shooting before. (Something that never gets old for me, just like Heyes opening a safe. :3)

I love that Kid gives Heyes multiple warnings. He lets him know straight off he isn't in the mood for Heyes'....Heyesiness. But the dark haired partner doesn't let up, and sure enough Kid acts. I just hope he hit him with his non dominant hand!

Favorite line: Curry pursed his lips to stop a smile from forming. It was like Heyes could read his mind sometimes.

Loved that line, and Curry's right. Actually, they read each other's minds a lot. Sadly Heyes neglected to heed the warning, which he should have done, especially with Kid feeling slightly vulnerable. Great story!


Last edited by Elleree on Mon Apr 01, 2019 8:31 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
Penski
Moderator
Penski

Posts : 1507
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 59
Location : Northern California

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Icon_minitimeSun Mar 31, 2019 9:36 pm

Remuda - There you are - been missing you. I'm glad to have you be the wire dodger this month instead of me. Love how you worded the smoke for the gun "scattered in the breeze like a dandelion gone to seed before dissipating". Cute how Heyes was getting to the Kid and getting on his nerves, especially because he was right. Lucky Curry didn't do more damage to his hand with that accident. Loved the ending how Heyes had just won his forgiveness and so quickly lost it again. Wonder how much his right hand is hurting now. Wonderful challenge. thumbsup

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
Elleree

Elleree

Posts : 62
Join date : 2016-06-29

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Icon_minitimeMon Apr 01, 2019 8:36 pm

Reply to Comment...

Penski:
It's funny you should ask if that was the conclusion. I actually had one more wrap up scene planned where Kid introduces Mary and Daniel to Heyes and they relax at the hotel. Buuut as I finished the scene (frantically, with minutes left before midnight), I realized that could be a good ending, too.

So if you have an opinion I'd be happy to hear it. :)

I had to have it be Kid's gun. We've had people waiting for Kid to show up to the rescue, so he had to do so dramatically. I figured I might not be the only one as I went for the obvious, but I ended up loving all the different takes on the smoking gun.

Glad you liked that line! It was my favorite of Kid's, too. Thanks for the comment. :)
Back to top Go down
Calico

Calico

Posts : 704
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 55
Location : Birmingham

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Icon_minitimeMon Apr 01, 2019 11:43 pm


3 ) Just a teeny reminder – Inside Outlaw will not be polling as she is currently flaunting and jaunting in a bandanny 


AND now for our flurry of wire dodgers.


4) Penski

And first to slither under the wire, face streaked with camouflage and humming the great escape tune is our other bandanny wearer.

So … who spotted the boys??

And the smoke clears and … it turns out Wheat and Kyle saved the day. Huzzah!!

Interesting notes too, Penksi. Yup – gun fights weren’t much like the TV. (Like the Sharpe series too …’You don’t see a battle – you only hear it…’ And the person you were most likely to get shot by, was yourself – faffing around with your gun.


5) Elleree

Pom, pom, pom – back to our captured Heyes and scared Lydia.

Wonderful editing between our two boys, here, Elleree.

And Kid arrives in the very nick (knife pun there) of time!

Love that Kid is done with HIS plan – Show up. Rescue Heyes.

Very, very pacy Elleree.



6) Remuda

And the wire dodger supremo – Remuda !

Aha! So Heyes catches Kid out on gun protocol for once. And… we have just enough prodding to overset Curry’s – ‘attitude’ .
What a lovely in character duologue, Remuda.

Back to top Go down
RosieAnnie

RosieAnnie

Posts : 795
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 101
Location : The Comfy Chair

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Icon_minitimeTue Apr 02, 2019 3:54 pm

Moulin P: What, more conditions? At least they sound reasonable. I like how Lom tells the truth about Heyes and Curry as he knows it, and that Gov. Hoyt recognizes that. And, that Gov. Hoyt realizes that NOT granting the amnesty might cause him some problems.

Maz: Kid's been in jail so often, he knows the routine. And that in itself is enough to make a smart sheriff suspicious. Sheriff Dobbs sounds like a decent man, but he trusts his instincts. Not good for our curly-haired hero! And where is Heyes?

Inside Outlaw:  I was holding my breath as this chapter progressed. A little bit of "turnaround is fair play," huh? That Doctor is going to be a busy man.

Penski: A good lesson for our boys, and everyone got away safe. Thank goodness Kyle was alert, and he and Wheat know what action to take.

Ellerree: Talk about arriving at the perfect moment! I love the conversations between Kid and Heyes, and Heyes' reaction when Lydia just runs off. Great.

Remuda: They have each other's best interest in mind, but that doesn't mean someone can be just a wee bit annoying. Some people just don't know when to quit.

_________________
"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly."

"The failure in doing something is stopping too soon."
Back to top Go down
Nightwalker



Posts : 96
Join date : 2018-04-16
Age : 49
Location : Germany

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Icon_minitimeWed Apr 03, 2019 7:17 am

MoulinP – Heyes publishing his method of blowing the P&H’78 in a scientific paper is just great. Taking it as a message for a governor is even better. What a thought! I’m so glad the boys eventually got their amnesty, they waited for so long. Will they make it for another 6 months or will fate cross them again? Wonderful story.

MazMcCoy – Oh, oh, Kid Curry in jail suspected of murder? Poor boy, I’m with him, hoping Heyes will be there soon an clear him. I hope we will hear more about it.

InsideOutlaw – It’s good that Mac eventually accepts Kid Curry is neither unscrupulous nor weak, but caring and a man of honor. Still he’s working against him instead of trying to find a solution together. Well, who would trust him anyway?
I love the moment when Mac wakes the Kid: first thought alertness and the grip of his gun, second his look towards Heyes showing his concern.
You ended your story with another cliffhanger. I’m looking forward to read the continuation of your story.

Penski – Great story idea, the Devil’s Hole Gang hooraying the town, having fun. One thing we sure would have loved to see in the series. It’s too bad someone suspected what was stored in the saddlebags and found it worthwhile to give it a try and get them. Good take of the prompt!

Elleree – It really need a desperate situation to get Heyes acting without any plan...well on the other hand maybe he would just claim afterwards he had one?
“Heyes showed no fear. He felt it but didn’t show it.” So Heyes, I just love it.
Hell, poor Lydia really is only good for causing trouble. I didn’t want to change places with her. I’m so glad the Kid arrived just in time.
“He’d forgive his betrayal of her, but he wouldn’t forget.” Again, I wouldn’t want to change with that girl, she really messed it up once and for all.

Remuda – Great little story. The Kid needs time and practice for recovering after his gun hand got hurt. You got the boys spot on and their bantering is great, covering how much they care about each other. Yes, Heyes sure will watch out for him and as sure as well he will pick on him. The punch in the end is well deserved.

_________________
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."
-Dr. Seuss
Back to top Go down
Penski
Moderator
Penski

Posts : 1507
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 59
Location : Northern California

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Icon_minitimeSun Apr 14, 2019 1:42 pm

Maz - I knew you'd come up with a short story using real life experiences, or should I say sprains. And because we always hurt the ones we love, poor Kid has the just sprained ankle. I have heard that sometimes it's better to break than sprain. Love the bantering, as usual it's spot-on. Wonderful challenge! applause

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
Nebraska Wildfire

Nebraska Wildfire

Posts : 123
Join date : 2016-10-31
Location : The Sonoran Desert

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Empty
PostSubject: None of the above   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Icon_minitimeSun Apr 14, 2019 2:47 pm

Maz: Thanks for the laughs. A great story with the boys so true to character. My husband just had knee surgery, and is on crutches for six weeks, so I can so sympathize with both of the boys. Luckily, no posses here in Arizona, at least not for us. I couldn’t carry my husband...
Back to top Go down
Maz

Maz

Posts : 441
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 58
Location : London, England

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Icon_minitimeTue Apr 16, 2019 11:40 am

Thank you Penski and Nebraska
Penski- you did tell me to write it thumbsup

_________________
Obstacles are put in our way to see if we really want something or only thought we did: Edison
Back to top Go down
Penski
Moderator
Penski

Posts : 1507
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 59
Location : Northern California

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Icon_minitimeThu Apr 18, 2019 1:28 pm

Little Bluestem - Another job for the governor. Heyes and Curry would definitely be tired of doing these small jobs in hopes of winning the governor's favor. Love how there's now a lock on the side door - very cute. Laughed at Heyes' list of possible jobs, too. Thank goodness it was none of the above. Could easily be the beginning of a new story... possibly a VS story? Good writing! thumbsup

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
Elleree

Elleree

Posts : 62
Join date : 2016-06-29

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Icon_minitimeSun Apr 21, 2019 11:06 am

Maz:
Oh man, bad ankles. I can sympathize with Kid on this one! I have ankles that like to give out randomly and when I was a, well, kid, I had a sprained ankle every other month.

My favorite exchange:
Must be a whole bunch of cats running around,” Kid quipped.
“Clowder.”
“What?”
“A group of cats is called a clowder.”


I also love how the cute thought on Heyes’ part—I’ll carry you if we need to leave due to a posse—is put into perspective with the hefty comment. Very in character. Loved it!

Little Bluestem:
Nice start, seems very episode like. I laughed at the lock on the side door.

“Aw, don’t be so humble, Lom. I’d say Miss Porter could do a lot worse than you,” Heyes cracked, looking pointedly at his partner.
Hah. Heyes is just jealous she picked Kid...

“So you’ll take the job?” asked Lom.
“We’ll take the job,” both partners responded in unison and with the same dejected tone.

This really rings true to an episode. I could hear that last line! Poor boys, on another job for the governor. Excellent job—I can’t wait to read what this job is about. Hopefully there is more to the story!

Penski:
Uh oh. Starting out with them separating is never a good sign!

Okay, I’m not GLAD that the bad guy went after Heyes, but it was nice for him to be the one getting into trouble when they separate.

“Do you really think I’ll tell?”
McGee pulled out a leather thong and roughly tied Heyes’ hands behind his back. “You will, eventually.”

He doesn’t know Heyes very well, then! Poor Heyes… Hopefully Kid shows up soon.

“None of the above.”
Click.
Perfect timing!
I used the line in a similar way…Heyes being snarky…but I didn’t see yours first. Sorry! I think it was just too good a line for us to have Heyes pass up. Anyway, I love Kid’s timing here.

Loving the hurt comfort (I’m such a sucker for it). Cute, yes, but also in character.

“McGee and Wagner – you couldn’t have picked a couple of men who didn’t have it in for us?”
“What fun would that be?”

That made me laugh. Great story, Penski! I hope everything does go as smooth as they plan in town... Keep writing if it doesn't!
Back to top Go down
Penski
Moderator
Penski

Posts : 1507
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 59
Location : Northern California

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Icon_minitimeMon Apr 22, 2019 6:59 pm

Elleree - The Kid is such a man of action - love it! Funny how our two challenges have Heyes in trouble with the Kid to the rescue. Your mean guy is a real baddie, too. Enjoyed this read - thanks! applause

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
Penski
Moderator
Penski

Posts : 1507
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 59
Location : Northern California

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Icon_minitimeTue Apr 30, 2019 9:54 pm

Remuda - That was an "interesting" topic, but not offensive.  When you gotta go, you gotta go, right?  Felt bad for the Kid.  Had to be horrible not feeling well on the trail.  Of course, Heyes had to give him a hard time.  That was a good bet.  I was surprised Heyes did so well.  It really wasn't fair.  I would have had a few choice words with the bird doo, too.  (By the way, one of my only memories of visiting the White House when I was about 8 was a bird pooping on the lady's head in front of us.)  Fun challenge!  sm


Inside Outlaw - Oh, that chapter was worth waiting for.  Poor Heyes and Mac hurting and in bad ways.  I like the background story Heyes told Mac about how they became crooks.  And Kid with the doctor... I kept thinking "just ride double" and they finally did.  Wonderful and looking forward to the next one.  thumbsup

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
Calico

Calico

Posts : 704
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 55
Location : Birmingham

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Icon_minitimeWed May 01, 2019 11:19 am

PLEASE go to the new thread :) egcat
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content




Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 16 Icon_minitime

Back to top Go down
 
Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19
Back to top 
Page 16 of 16Go to page : Previous  1 ... 9 ... 14, 15, 16

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Alias Smith and Jones Writers  :: The Writing Spot :: The Story Challenge :: Awestruck Comments-
Jump to: