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| | Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 | |
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+15Calico InsideOutlaw Elleree Remuda Cal chelseagirl Nebraska Wildfire MoulinP Alias Alice Cornelia May Penski WichitaRed cac nm131 sistergrace 19 posters | |
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Elleree
Posts : 62 Join date : 2016-06-29
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 Sun Jan 06, 2019 12:26 pm | |
| Inside Outlaw: Telling himself he was being pragmatic and not soft, he pulled Heyes’ boots from where he’d stowed them and a pair of heavy socks from his saddlebag. Hmm, I think Kid’s told himself that more than once. (Though I don’t think his kindness is softness in a negative way…)
“I wanna know what to put on your headstone.” I could hear that in Kid’s voice.
Where was the Kid? Surely he wouldn’t have left him behind. What had happened? Did a posse get the Kid? Fearing for his partner’s safety, he rolled over and got to his knees with a groan. Poor Heyes, hurt and out of it and his first worry is for Kid. Fitting and very adorable.
I like how you have Mac wondering about Kid, who isn’t a killer. (Of course, he doesn’t know for sure just how hurt his partner is, either.) I love Kid giving Heyes’ horse a peppermint, too. That always worked for me! I’m glad Heyes found some safety but I hope Kid finds him sooner rather than later. He will, right? ;) Responses to Comments… Calico: Occasionally I find myself writing notes for the next scene in a story and often I have something like ‘insert smooth talking Heyes scene’ and ‘insert Kid action scene.’ ;) Thank you for your comments.
Rosie Annie: Thanks for the feedback! Yes, poor Heyes did not choose good poker playing companions, but he can still spot an opportunity when he sees one! As far as the winner of the shooting, well, you’ll have to wait and see. But this is Kid Curry we're talking about. He usually hits what he aims at. ;)
Inside Outlaw: IO, you aren’t the only one that 3000 word limit gets to… That said, I do feel bad about the place I left both partners in. I will try to deliver the next bit soon, though I had a different idea for the pulley... Thanks for the comments! I’m eagerly awaiting your next part, too.
Nightwalker: Hah, Lydia does seem to be the embodiment of trouble, doesn’t she? And yes, Kid just had to go rescue Heyes immediately instead of planning things out, but hey, he missed the trap that was going to be laid for him the next day because of it and showed up when he was needed. Sorry about the double cliffhanger! I will continue as soon as I can. | |
| | | Penski Moderator
Posts : 1804 Join date : 2012-04-22 Age : 62 Location : Northern California
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 Thu Jan 17, 2019 3:33 pm | |
| Inside Outlaw - I’m really enjoying the unique interaction between Curry and Mac. Mac just can’t figure out the Kid, can he. He’s not at all what the bounty hunter expected. And the Kid finally made it to his partner’s side, just in a nick of time. Had to google pine tar – you sure do know a lot about ways to use products. Some really good lines this month: - The Kid felt a murderous rage exploding in his heart, but he knew if he gave into it he’d become what he’d always feared. - Heyes was growing weaker by the minute as his own fear grew stronger. Excellent challenge and looking forward to next month already. _________________ h "Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
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| | | Elleree
Posts : 62 Join date : 2016-06-29
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 Sun Jan 20, 2019 10:44 pm | |
| Inside Outlaw: As usual, you have me by the heart strings!
The Kid felt a murderous rage exploding in his heart, but he knew if he gave into it he’d become what he’d always feared. With a frustrated growl, he released Mac and returned to kneel down by Heyes. Like Penski, I loved that line. Especially because his first reaction, after deciding not to kill Mac, was to take care of Heyes, because Heyes is what's really important to the Kid. As long as Heyes stays alive, revenge is secondary. Mac better hope he recovers! I hope so, too. (You wouldn't kill off one of the boys...would you?)
“But…but they got Ma, Jed. They…they…,” Okay, that was wrenching.
I am so glad that the partners are reunited and that Kid got there in time for his partner. Because he did, of course--they'll both be fine! Lol.
You have a great story and an interesting villain. Mac deserves all he got, but he is an interesting bad guy and I really like the interplay between him and Kid.
Keep it coming! :) | |
| | | Penski Moderator
Posts : 1804 Join date : 2012-04-22 Age : 62 Location : Northern California
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 Mon Jan 21, 2019 11:22 am | |
| Elleree - Oh, this was a wonderful challenge. Love Heyes finding the Kid surrounded by three orphans at the train station. How sad that they go there hoping to someday greet their pa. You had me at the edge of my seat during the rescue - that was a close call! You'll have to add the portions you removed to keep the challenge under 3,000 words when you post it online. Loved it! _________________ h "Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
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| | | InsideOutlaw
Posts : 882 Join date : 2012-04-22 Age : 68 Location : Colorado
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 Wed Jan 30, 2019 8:41 am | |
| Elleree: A pretty woman, orphans, and a rescue--Poor Kid never had a chance! I always love when he gets involved with the needy and this was no different. The fire gave us lots of tension and a great way to use the prompt. Nicely done _________________ *****************
"You can only be young once. But you can always be immature." —Dave Barry
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| | | InsideOutlaw
Posts : 882 Join date : 2012-04-22 Age : 68 Location : Colorado
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 Thu Jan 31, 2019 10:57 am | |
| Penski: You made a very good point here that I hadn’t given much consideration—Heyes and the Kid can’t afford to alienate their fellow outlaws. What would they do if the amnesty never came through? Nice use of the prompt, too. _________________ *****************
"You can only be young once. But you can always be immature." —Dave Barry
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| | | RosieAnnie
Posts : 839 Join date : 2012-04-22 Age : 105 Location : The Comfy Chair
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 Thu Jan 31, 2019 1:08 pm | |
| Inside Outlaw: I love the byplay between Curry and Mac. Who's the bad guy here? Each one defends what he's done, each one thinks he's done right. I'm glad you gave us some hope that Heyes might recover. Looking forward to next month!
Ellerree: Talk about Kid Curry bait! Cute orphans, a lovely but overwhelmed caretaker, and the opportunity to do some good deeds. And Heyes, protest though he might, goes along. I thought this was an excellent use of the prompt, too. You made it integral to the story. Good work!
Penski: The boys work hard, but they found a good boss who treated them right. Yay! I can see that, yeah, Heyes and Curry couldn't go all-in for law enforcement, because they might need help from the outlaws. Nothing's worse than a reformed outlaw, right? Although I'll say my favorite bit is when they're told, great, now you can muck out the stables. I just saw their faces in my mind's eye; "Oh. Joy." It's a long way from living the high life, isn't it? _________________ "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly."
"The failure in doing something is stopping too soon."
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| | | Nightwalker
Posts : 106 Join date : 2018-04-16 Age : 53 Location : Germany
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 Fri Feb 01, 2019 3:04 am | |
| InsideOutlaw – “The Kid felt a murderous rage exploding in his heart, but he knew if he gave into it he’d become what he’d always feared.“ You’ve got a very interesting point here. Does he know what could happen to him? What it would mean for him in long term? What exactly does he fear: losing his control or losing his humanity? That he might become an unattached killer or such a man like those who killed his family?
I really like it that you give us a little bit more insight into Kid Curry’s mind. He seems to have a more solid moral base than Mac, the Methodist and law-abiding man, who doesn’t mind killing, if it’s only the ‘bad guys’.
It was interesting to get a little glimpse of the boys’ past with the short flashbacks. I’m always interested in their previous life, we know so little about. Mac seem to listen carefully, too. The boys are not at all what he expected. What chord touched Heyes feverish hallucination in him? Did it remind him of what happened to his son? With Heyes fixing to follow his deceased family you have me on the edge. I deeply hope, the Kid was still in time and Mac’s advice will help to get him well again. Would be better for all three of them.
Elleree – “It never ceased to amaze Heyes how quick Kid could find the needy.“ Great and true, just love it. But does he find the needy or do the needy find him? Is it mutual?
From this point of view, I can almost see an aged Kid as some kind of preacher/streetworker late in his life.
Heyes is always good for advice for a break out and in your story, he finds an interested scholar.
The boys are just wonderful with the kids. What a thrill when the orphanage is on fire and they have to rescue their young friends.
It’s such a beautiful story and I’m looking forward to the longer version of it.
Penski – Poor boys, the unused manual work must be pretty hard on the boys. I liked your description of the job they did and learned not only something about tools that were used in the past, but some new words, too.
There wasn’t much to expect in this town for the boys, but it’s always sad, when the have to leave in a hurry. They handled the difficult situation very well.
Thanks for your interesting story. _________________ "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." -Dr. Seuss
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| | | Calico
Posts : 873 Join date : 2012-04-22 Age : 59 Location : Birmingham
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 Fri Feb 01, 2019 9:43 am | |
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1) InsideOutlaw
I remember – we are searching for poor old poorly, barefoot Heyes.
Oh, poor Heyes, dreaming of THAT day. Sniff.
So Mac has had a belated pang of conscience. Good. Do we feel some reconciliation flapping in the air, perhaps? (Hoping next month’s title works for you Inside)
2) Elleree
Ah, yes, Elleree – the joys of working the word counter and trim, trim, trimming.
I want to see the El’fants!! I do!!
Awww, the boys are going to help. Awwww. And the grocer is lovely too. Sniffle.
Oh, I see! The rescue will use the pulley.
Wild applause for our heroes! Oh, Elleree – what excellent use of the prompt.
3) Penski
They took the words out of my mouth - Drytown don’t sound promisin’
Do I anticipate egg balancing - ? Nope.
Aww, Sam is nice.
Pom pom pom – Sherriff checking posters, though – I guess its his job.
Dear, dear boys – staying on the straight and narrow. Very nice, Penski
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| | | Elleree
Posts : 62 Join date : 2016-06-29
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 Fri Feb 01, 2019 12:22 pm | |
| Penksi: I really enjoyed this story. I could picture it as an episode quite easily. “Betting with a two of a kind. If I only had enough money…” Hah, you can feel the pain poor Heyes feels at noticing this. “Jobs… I heard Sam is getting a couple wagons of hay. He might need help putting it in the loft.” “Any other jobs?” Heyes asked hopeful.Again, I laughed. I could hear the ‘Any other jobs?’ all too easily. Think I might go back to the hotel now.” “Uh huh… huh? The hotel?” Curry smiled. “Just seein’ if you were listenin’ to me. Wanna go to the saloon?”Cute exchange. I do love the dialogue between them. “Good, come on down and muck out the stalls.” The Kid sighed.I could just see Kid’s expression and hear his sigh. Poor guys. But hey, they did the right thing and the gang didn’t know and neither did they get blamed for the robbery! All in all, a good end. Great story! | |
| | | Elleree
Posts : 62 Join date : 2016-06-29
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 Fri Feb 01, 2019 1:08 pm | |
| Responses to Comments:
Penski: I have to admit, Heyes looking at Kid with all the kids around him was my favorite image. I’m working on the editing of the longer version and will put it up. Thank you for the kind words, I’m glad you enjoyed it!
Inside Outlaw: You’re right, this situation was finely tailored to get Kid Curry in the middle of it. Probably why Heyes didn’t argue the point too much. Glad you liked it!
RosieAnnie: Yep, Kid couldn’t possibly pass up any of those things. Heyes just had to go along with it, giving a token protest. (We all know he isn’t as hard as he acts.) I’ve been wanting to use the pulley from the pilot in a story, but I’d imagined another robbery. Just goes to show you muses have other ideas. Thanks for the feedback!
Nightwalker: Hmm, I think Kid and the needy sort of attract each other. A mutual thing. You’re right; Wes and Heyes definitely got along once Heyes started giving out helpful advice. I always liked how the boys interacted with kids—they’ve got a soft spot for sure. I’m glad you liked it!
Calico: The word counter and I are often at odds, lol. Oh well. I like how it ended up. And this wasn’t what my original plan was for the pulley, but the idea came and I had to roll with it. I can’t pass up an opportunity for Heyes and the Kid to be heroes, after all! Thank you for the feedback.
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| | | Penski Moderator
Posts : 1804 Join date : 2012-04-22 Age : 62 Location : Northern California
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 Mon Feb 04, 2019 8:27 pm | |
| Inside Outlaw - That was mighty quick! Did you have it written and waiting for the February prompt? By the way, excellent use of the challenge prompt. I'm really loving this story! I love a good hurt/comfort and angsty story. Mac is really getting the Kid to think and Curry is getting Mac to think. We really found out more about Mac and why he is the way he is - very sad story. Loving it and dang...I have to wait a whole month for more. _________________ h "Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
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| | | Penski Moderator
Posts : 1804 Join date : 2012-04-22 Age : 62 Location : Northern California
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 Wed Feb 27, 2019 3:32 pm | |
| MoulinP - That challenge kinda made me sad. Heyes and Curry are getting another year older and still running for their lives. You can see in your story how tired they are. Very interesting facts about pearls - I had no idea how valuable they were. I love learning new facts when reading a story. Good writing! _________________ h "Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
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| | | Calico
Posts : 873 Join date : 2012-04-22 Age : 59 Location : Birmingham
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 Fri Mar 01, 2019 11:35 am | |
|
1) Inside Outlaw
Well Inside, you were pretty quick out of the traps, huh?
Poor old Heyes, still hurting – and dear old Kid still comforting.
Yeah! I thought we would have some pearls of wisdom from the prompt – smile.
Awww, Kid – you ARE going to feel sorry for Mac, you know you are. And Mac’s not entirely wrong is he? I’m liking this Inside. But Mac is still dangerous… Will he get hold of that envelope?
2) MoulinP
Oooooh, six quotes plus an iffy – will watch out. Quote bingo, here.
? Is distinct lack of trust one ?
I like it when you worry is definitely one.
Don’t speak South American is one?
WELL, I was rubbish there. I expect the Governor is giving pearls to add to an existing necklace- but, what do I know.
Dear boys, we do like them all full of panic as they jump a train.
3) Penski
Ah, Penski – there you are. Certain as the sun. And pictures too!! Denver, ah, memories. LOVING that Miss Birdie is so surprised to read the boys are successful outlaws after seeing them in action.
Awwww, the boys are in the reformed habit. AND, they don’t know it, but she has cousins in high places. Love it Penski.
And history too. Surely there must be a fanfic for the suicide staircase???
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| | | RosieAnnie
Posts : 839 Join date : 2012-04-22 Age : 105 Location : The Comfy Chair
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 Mon Mar 04, 2019 4:04 pm | |
| Inside Outlaw: This feels like a story of opposing moral viewpoints and philosophy. Curry and Mac both think they are moral people who have made moral choices. It's not 100% true for either of them, is it? And I'm also struck by Curry's actions that are guided by his moral choices, especially because he could easily kill Mac, and nobody would ever know he'd done it. One big problem solved. But he doesn't do it.
Moulin P: I kind of have to laugh when Heyes says he's getting old at 31. Wait till a few more years pass, Heyes! Thirty-one is still a kid! Anyway, they are still taking risks to please the governor, in pursuit of the elusive amnesty. I hope they were able to make this delivery.
Penski: Another fortuitous meeting with Miss Birdie! She asked them some tough questions, and they gave her the right answers. I hope her intercession with the governor was successful. Also, thanks for the historical information. Very interesting! _________________ "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly."
"The failure in doing something is stopping too soon."
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| | | Nightwalker
Posts : 106 Join date : 2018-04-16 Age : 53 Location : Germany
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 Mon Mar 04, 2019 11:22 pm | |
| Inside Outlaw – Wonderful continuation. Mac sure can’t keep his mouth shut. I don’t know how the Kid can stand that. Over time even I want to silence him! You used beautiful picturesque descriptions in contrast to the serious scene, which I like very much. It was interesting to learn more about Mac’s background, but he still makes it easy for one to hate him. But I’m with him in one point: probably Heyes and Curry never thought about the harm they might have done to simple folks without their intention.
MoulinP - Nice little story about the boys on the run. I’m glad they both made it on the train. It shows that it was a good decision to mend their ways. How long would they have been able to live a life of crime further on?
Penski - I love the little peek into a less exciting day of the boys. It’s so nice, they met Mrs. Birdie Pickett again. I really like that character. I like your decision to make her the cousin of the governor. Eventually there’s a ray of hope for the boys. And thank you very much for the historical information. I liked them very much and enjoyed the pictures you added. _________________ "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." -Dr. Seuss
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| | | InsideOutlaw
Posts : 882 Join date : 2012-04-22 Age : 68 Location : Colorado
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 Wed Mar 06, 2019 2:36 pm | |
| MoulinP: Poor Heyes, feeling his age at 31, but luckily his younger partner lent him a helping hand even if he still can't read a timetable, lol. Having just read the next part, it was nice to have this precursor. Could you post the title/location so I can read the story in its entirety?
Penski: My daughter lives around the corner from Union Station and I always thought it was the original so it was interesting to learn the history. Good to see Miss Birdie Pickett again and I just loved Heyes admitting that they went for the amnesty only because it was getting too risky to keep stealing. They are rogues after all! _________________ *****************
"You can only be young once. But you can always be immature." —Dave Barry
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| | | Penski Moderator
Posts : 1804 Join date : 2012-04-22 Age : 62 Location : Northern California
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 Fri Mar 22, 2019 9:51 pm | |
| Moulin P - Oh, I love how Lom got the governor to reconsider the amnesty. Of course the governor would be leery of giving it and want to know what the real Heyes and Curry are like. I like how you had him hesitate more on the Kid's amnesty because of the gunman reputation. Very good challenge! _________________ h "Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
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| | | Penski Moderator
Posts : 1804 Join date : 2012-04-22 Age : 62 Location : Northern California
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 Sun Mar 24, 2019 4:15 pm | |
| I love Maz story! Oh, but this is like a smidgen of a story, missing the beginning and end. You left me with me questions... you ARE going to finish this, aren't you? It'd be mean of you just to post this good piece. tapping foot impatiently... Start writing, Ms Maz! _________________ h "Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
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| | | LittleBluestem
Posts : 41 Join date : 2013-12-08 Age : 64 Location : USA
| Subject: Hurray! Mon Mar 25, 2019 3:21 pm | |
| I was starting to think no one would rise to the challenge this month! Thank you, MoulinP and Maz, for brightening my day with your stories. MoulinP -- YAY! Love stories where our boys finally receive their hard-earned Amnesty! And I am looking forward to hearing about their "house arrest" in Porterville -- I hope! Maz, you are teasing us with this story! We need more! I like how you never actually came out and said the phrase "smoking gun," but it was very, very obvious that that's what your story was all about. to you both! | |
| | | Maz
Posts : 441 Join date : 2012-04-22 Age : 62 Location : London, England
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 Fri Mar 29, 2019 2:38 pm | |
| Thank you for your kind comments. I've added The Smoking Gun to my 'unfinished' stories pile MoulinP..love how you resolved the amnesty issue but the next 5 years are going to be tough on the boys and on poor Lom. _________________ Obstacles are put in our way to see if we really want something or only thought we did: Edison
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| | | Penski Moderator
Posts : 1804 Join date : 2012-04-22 Age : 62 Location : Northern California
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 Fri Mar 29, 2019 10:03 pm | |
| Inside Outlaw - FINALLY! I've been waiting all month for the next chapter of "A Day Early, A Dollar Short". This chapter was fast-paced and kept me at the edge of my seat the whole time. What an ending and so well deserved! I bet Heyes was just hoping for the opportunity to do that. Now get back with the doc, Kid, since there's two patients now. Loved it! _________________ h "Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
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| | | InsideOutlaw
Posts : 882 Join date : 2012-04-22 Age : 68 Location : Colorado
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 Sat Mar 30, 2019 6:32 am | |
| Lol, Penski, better late than never, right? Maybe a title change to A Month Late, A Dollar Short? Sorry, but it’s been a so much snow so much fun kind of winter _________________ *****************
"You can only be young once. But you can always be immature." —Dave Barry
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| | | Calico
Posts : 873 Join date : 2012-04-22 Age : 59 Location : Birmingham
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 Sun Mar 31, 2019 10:45 am | |
|
1) MoulinP
Lom, Huzzah, we all love a Lom story. Yeah!! Heyes has written up his own masterpiece under an anagram. Bless. And it has worked! Clever, Heyes. No contact with Wheat or Kyle for five years?? That will scupper a few fanfic plots. And, I am concerned that Miss Porter may be thrown for a loop with them on six months town arrest.
2) Maz
Good heavens, it is a while since we’ve seen the Mazkin playing on the challenge.
Ooooh – Kid being wrongly accused and locked up. Nice starter situation. And a traditional scene of Sherriff checking wanted posters on the horizon.
Pom, pom, pom…
Very episode – or should that be, VS? – like.
3) InsideOutlaw
Where are we going with you, Mac? Is some act of redeeming heroism on the horizon?
Oh, Kid, dilemmas, dilemmas, no safe choices here.
And, the amnesty papers are also on the way. Ride, ride like the wind…
Yikes! I winced for Mac. You have to give him points for determination. And now the Doc has two patients waiting.
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| | | Penski Moderator
Posts : 1804 Join date : 2012-04-22 Age : 62 Location : Northern California
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 Sun Mar 31, 2019 1:28 pm | |
| Oh, I'm LOVING Calico's suggestion that Maz writes this as her next VS story! Excellent idea!
_________________ h "Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
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