Alias Smith and Jones Writers
Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.

Alias Smith and Jones Writers

A forum devoted to writers of Alias Smith and Jones Fan Fiction
 
HomePortalGallerySearchRegisterLog in

 

 Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19

Go down 
+15
Calico
InsideOutlaw
Elleree
Remuda
Cal
chelseagirl
Nebraska Wildfire
MoulinP
Alias Alice
Cornelia May
Penski
WichitaRed
cac
nm131
sistergrace
19 posters
Go to page : Previous  1 ... 5 ... 7, 8, 9 ... 12 ... 16  Next
AuthorMessage
nm131

nm131

Posts : 154
Join date : 2012-05-04
Location : New Jersey, USA

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeFri Apr 27, 2018 8:24 pm

Posted my story in the wrong thread. Will be back to comment on the stories, once I've had a chance to read them, because I'm sure they're excellent.
Back to top Go down
Penski
Moderator
Penski

Posts : 1617
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 60
Location : Northern California

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeSat Apr 28, 2018 7:43 am

nm131 - Lost hat... blue bonnet!  Laughing   I mean, poor (snicker) Kid Curry losing his hat and getting terribly sunburn.  Yes, it was the best and only option.  How Heyes did not die laughing when he first put it on, I'll never know.  Too funny!  lol2

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
Online
Penski
Moderator
Penski

Posts : 1617
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 60
Location : Northern California

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeSat Apr 28, 2018 1:26 pm

Cal joined in our fun and wrote a challenge!  Shocked

Cal - So thrilled to see you're back in the saddle again! thrown   Missed you and your stories.  How amiable of the Kid to try to make amends to Junk, although "he" deserved what was coming.  I bet that was a BIG surprise to Curry.  And Heyes knew all along and didn't tell his fellow leader of the Devil's Hole Gang.  I hope the Kid had words with him later.  Very good challenge.

So now that you've remembered how to post, I hope you'll pull up a chair and join in the fun again.
poker

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
Online
Cal

Cal

Posts : 252
Join date : 2016-01-06
Age : 62
Location : Wales UK

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeMon Apr 30, 2018 7:55 am

I was a passenger in a pile up yesterday...guess how lucky I feel to be able to kick back read some lovely AS&J challenges today....PHEW!

April Feedback


Sister Grace : Outlaw Heyes! Nice start, and Kyle with a TYPEWRITER!  lol2 Can he even read! I love the mix up with the keys, and you even throw in a Bonnet   hatgun  in the form of a William of that name. Lots to love about this one.  applause Very clever Grace.

Nebraska Wildfire: The Well Revisited  - Alice and her mum reminded me of Dolly Parton’s Coat of many colours song… You painted us a very clear picture of their lives and struggles. I enjoyed the glimpses of outlaw Heyes and Curry through the years. Heyes in character, playing the gentleman, carrying the water. Kid regretting not being there when needed. Nice pictures. Thought provoking stuff.

Rosie Annie: Poor Kid, we were all enjoying that dream! A pacing Heyes…yeah that would do it. Aw, and Heyes is feeling exploited… Nice use of the prompt…And I like that you used a series title for the Dime Novel. I like Heyes’ idea too… making stuff up… that can be tricky! A genius Kid, getting Heyes sorted…nice twist.  writing  Methinks this story is talking to everyone on the forum!
Back to top Go down
Calico

Calico

Posts : 756
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 56
Location : Birmingham

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeMon Apr 30, 2018 10:47 am

Sad A pile up??? [Cal - glad you are okay!! ]]


1) Sistergrace


Oh Kyle! Correcting the qwerty – bless him.

Billy the Kid!! I saw this right at the beginning of the month and nearly expired at your cleverness. That connection had never even occurred to me.

That is just – perfect – as a wholly enclosed challenge that doesn’t overspell it out to us (no pun intended).


2) Nebraska Wildfire

Very good to meet Rosie again, and have the flashbacks to outlaw days.

Oooh, so the DHG dealt out a little rough justice did they?

And dear old Rosie is pregnant, huh? Will it be a dimpled little baby? I think so – buuut, she keeps us hanging on. Smile.


3) RosieAnnie

Oh, Heyes – fancy waking Kid up from such a nice dream.
Now, we may exploit you boys in our dime novels, I mean fan fiction – but, it is only because we lurrrrve you. And we give you cake on your challenge writers’ thank you visits.

Darling Kid! Are you giving us a plotting lesson? You are!

I loved that Rosie Annie.


4) Penski

One of our two bandanny wearers – greetings.
Sister Julia – Huzzah!
Now – do I feel the boys are going to getting into some good habits? Snirt.
Shave?
Methinks they are.

Now, could Heyes actually manage a vow of silence?
Oh, boys. Of course she knows who you are. Didn’t you listen to the second chances bit?

Lovely, Penski. Perfect guest star.




5) MoulinP

So, we have a still-recovering Heyes still hoping to get into a fancy poker game.

Ah – the fondue solution for the cheese. Liking it.

Yeah! Bannerman Men aliases. C’mon Heyes, spin that tale.

The plot thickens! I think the Sheriff is going to play ball. Very episode like MoulinP.




6) nm131

And here is our other Bandanny wearer. Good heavens NM – you’ve had the word counter on this one, haven’t you? Talk about on the line.

So, we are escorting a lady for Lom. Okay … reading.

“Oh my,” Judith exclaimed into the Kid’s chest as she steadied herself within his embrace.

Nooooooooo! Not the hat. Hang on, is that a dozen Kidettes scrambling for it among the rocks?

He’s going to wear a bonnet. Oh, bless. You can pull it off, Kid. Come on, you don’t want a peeling nose, do you?

That was great, NM – we knew Heyes couldn’t resist laughing for ever.
Back to top Go down
Cal

Cal

Posts : 252
Join date : 2016-01-06
Age : 62
Location : Wales UK

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: April cont'd   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeTue May 01, 2018 2:07 am

Penski : (Thanks for the welcome back Penski) A chase across a dessert and a hungry Bounty Hunter, I love action stories.  Sister Julia always knew a lot more than she let on…. You could see it in her eyes.  I’m with Calico on this one… HOW DID HEYES DO QUIET!  Shocked Loved the pictures of our boys getting into good habits for once.  Very entertaining.

MoulinP (Apologies Moulin for not keeping up with this tale…I’ll go back and remedy that later… and thanks for giving me a nudge and get me writing this month) WOW… This was so much like an episode, I think I saw that all happening… all the little nuances between the partners that make them so easy to watch.  I’ll definitely be looking up the back story… LUDLOW?....and CHEESE???? Laughing  Lol… excellent stuff.


Calico: Yeah I was just a passenger in a friends car...but it was a heck of a smash...we're all fine ...but its kept me awake a couple of nights.... You never know what's round the next corner....literally!
Back to top Go down
Cal

Cal

Posts : 252
Join date : 2016-01-06
Age : 62
Location : Wales UK

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: more April   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeTue May 01, 2018 5:37 am

Nm131: (Coffee break with Nm131… perfect) Intrigued with the title, and the colours? Love a tale that starts with horses.  Judith sounds every inch an AS&J lady … at least Kid gets to be gentlemanly.  I see where this is going… COOL… why the new hat.  Excellent explanation. Kid is fair skinned and a bonnet shaped hat would suit nicely…. NOW …where did that hatband and buckle come from???? Loved seeing Kid in a bonnet and I’m surprised Heyes held out so long.

Remuda: (Ever the wire-dodger) - AW this was a reflective piece. I liked the calm, warm beginning. Come on, Kid in a bath! But the way it ended was poignant.  Little reminders of their worst times. I like Kid’s optimistic reading of the signs…they’re showing they’re with us… I think he’s right.  Nice quote too.
Back to top Go down
Penski
Moderator
Penski

Posts : 1617
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 60
Location : Northern California

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeTue May 01, 2018 6:50 am

Remuda - Loved this reflective story with all the memories of a tragic day in Han's and Jed's lives. So how did the Kid win the coin toss? Heyes must've wanted to finish a chapter in his book before his bath. thumbsup

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
Online
Calico

Calico

Posts : 756
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 56
Location : Birmingham

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeTue May 01, 2018 9:18 am


7) Cal

A returning writer!! Hello again.

Cat country? Where the Calicos stalk dimpled ex-outlaws with a huge butterfly net. Snirt.

Well, Junk – you can’t expect the Kid to be noticing stuff before BREAKFAST !!

He shook an incredulous head at the confused gunslinger.

Awwww – nicely handled Cal. Bless the Kid – always the gent.


8) Remuda

Wire dodger strikes again !
Of course a genius like Heyes WOULD need a garret to think in.

Oh… lip wobble at the Lawrence memories. And a scrap of cloth reminding him of mother. More wobbling.


What a wonderful quote to find from DC – how apt. And the ‘it’s warm’ – the water or the memories? Very, very nice.
Back to top Go down
nm131

nm131

Posts : 154
Join date : 2012-05-04
Location : New Jersey, USA

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeTue May 01, 2018 5:47 pm

Rosie Annie - LOL, I could definitely see Heyes with a bee in his bonnet with someone else making money off of The DHG. Kid, ever the practical man and expert on Heyesian psychology has the perfect solution to bet back to sleep. Very clever and lots of fun to read. Thanks.

Penski - Sister Julia is always a welcome character in the stories and she always gives off the impression that she is much more savvy than what she lets on. Her interaction with Edgar Whiting were a picture of calm, fast thinking. I would have loved to see the partners in the chapel, praying and better yet watching Heyes remain quiet while the bounty hunter conducted his search.

Moulin P - Thanks for continuing the cheese story. Like others have stated, reading this was particularly like watching an episode with all the little clever side bits weaving in and out of the main tale.

Cal - Good to see you writing again but sorry to hear about your misfortune. I missed the rollicking stories you provide and this month's story was a great one. I can see Heyes enjoying every minute of knowing what the others did not, especially getting one over on the Kid. Kid's reaction was priceless, although I do have to wonder if he needed glasses after watching certain "bits" and not noticing but one tends to see what one expects to. The tag lines on Kid's relfection added a bit of poignancy to a fun story.

Remuda - Glad you joined in this month. Kid winning a coin toss? Well, it was Curry's coin so I guess the laws of probability were on his side. You walked the line between sentimentality and sappy with a spooky edge expertly with the poignant remembrances triggered by the gunshots. Well done, thank you.
Back to top Go down
RosieAnnie

RosieAnnie

Posts : 831
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 102
Location : The Comfy Chair

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeWed May 02, 2018 12:55 pm

Hi Cal! hellowave
Maybe it's because I spent a couple hours earlier this week listening to my elderly aunt explain to me, all over again, how men are truly clueless, but that's what I took from this story. Curry was truly clueless. He saw only what he expected to see. And that final line -- "why would any woman choose a life like this?" -- shows how little he knows about women, and especially, the lives of women at that time. I bet Aunt Bonnie would enjoy this story as much as I did. And Bonnie would say, "see what I mean?"

Remuda: Not all ghostly stories are scary and dark, are they? Even in the garret. You managed a mood here that shifted easily and comfortably from exhaustion to relief to reflection and sadness. That's the way it goes with us humans sometimes. This was sad and reassuring simultaneously. Nicely done.

_________________
"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly."

"The failure in doing something is stopping too soon."
Back to top Go down
Penski
Moderator
Penski

Posts : 1617
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 60
Location : Northern California

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeSat May 05, 2018 10:42 am

Maz – You spent time with the Kid!  I’m glad it helped you relax.  You certainly didn’t lose your touch writing the boys.  So many good lines in here.  

“Heyes usually knows what he’s doing,” Lobo stated.
“Don’t let him hear you say, usually.”

“No, Kyle, we should be aiming higher.”
“You want us to shoot over the passengers’ heads?”
“What?” Heyes looked perplexed. “No!”

Heyes smiled. “Had you worried, huh?”
“No. You had me scared to death.”

Thanks for spending some time with Kid – hope you do it some more.
  two thumbs

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
Online
Cal

Cal

Posts : 252
Join date : 2016-01-06
Age : 62
Location : Wales UK

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: May - Setting Targets   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeSat May 05, 2018 10:45 am

Wow wow  - came on to do a little back reading and catching up, and I find a new Maz story....excellent

I think Kid and targets was probably the way this prompt was heading.... and didn't we get that... but also... a Heyes  - raising his game  - and an answer to one of them  - "How did that happen " - questions.  Throw in a little Lobo, and Kyle talking dynamite, and you get the perfect mix.  Really enjoyed the idea that, who else but Kid Curry could have put a bullet in the battered black hat.  I wonder what sort of new one Kid would have bought Heyes?
Back to top Go down
sistergrace

sistergrace

Posts : 550
Join date : 2012-04-22
Location : Devil's Hole

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeMon May 07, 2018 12:15 pm

Finishing up my comments for April challenges:

Penski - Sister Julia! I should have known. Loved the lines where Sister J is telling the fellas to "have faith." She certainly was thorough in disguising them. Indeed, the Lord does work in mysterious ways! Some really great lines in this, Penski. Wonderful challenge! applause


MoulinP - Great use of prompt in choosing it for the name of that establishment. Loved the line --chorused two innocent choir boys. It made me chuckle. I can definitely see THAT look on their faces! Interesting installment to your on-going story. cool


nm131 - This challenge is great in so many ways! You've covered everything from Heyes' bad coffee the need for Curry's new hat in Season Two. The personalities of both Curry and Heyes are written perfectly. As for Judith Clewell, I think Kid Curry would disagree with her thinking--Everything's NOT better with blue bonnet on it! (Even if it does bring out the blue in his eyes.) jocolor Very fun read!


Cal - So glad to see you've written a challenge again, Cal! thumbsup I'm not wondering why Junk would choose an outlaw's life. I'm wondering how in the world she got the name Junk. Enjoyed your challenge. Looking forward to more from you!


Remuda - Spooky, and very good. caitsh Also a unique use of the prompt. I enjoyed reading this very much. Wait...Kid Curry won a coin toss?! sparkleshoe

_________________
Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.
Back to top Go down
Remuda

Remuda

Posts : 136
Join date : 2013-10-27
Age : 46

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeTue May 08, 2018 8:02 pm

Sister Grace
Interesting idea for BtK to find his way to Devil's Hole and join up. Might have been before he went to New Mexico. Love that it's Kyle taking the initiative to get more professional with a typed-up schedule. Fun!

Nebraska Wildfire
Nice that Rosie is doing well and making a good life for herself and Alice. As well, cool that the DHG meted out what the other gang had coming, still without resorting to their sidearms. Looking forward to more of this story.

RosieAnnie

This is great! Dime novels about our boys but by Heyes -- what a concept! But looks like he's having as much trouble finding a bunny who'll hop long enough for him to forumalate the idea into a story. (Not that any of us know what that's like ... LOL!)

Penski
Sister Julia to the rescue! The idea of fake sisters being real sisters in a fake way is novel. Glad the boys were able to find sanctuary in a real place of sanctuary -- leant more of an authenticity to it all.

Moulin P
Dr. Chad to the (not quite) rescue! Always love the idea of the boys as law enforcers, so seeing them as Banner-men here is great. Nice continuation to the story, and looking forward to more.

NM131
Blue eyes in a blue bonnet would highlight them nicely. This idea is brill! I can see Heyes' struggle to hold his tongue and not laugh, at least for a while. Judith's heart was in the right place, and we have her to thank for Curry's new hat. Love it!

Cal
Welcome back to challenges! Kid and Junk at the watering hole reminded me of a scene in the show, The Young Riders, where the female rider is found out by the guy in charge. But the picture of Curry's innocently running after her nekkid is priceless, given he wanted nothing but instructions in fishing the way Junk did. Too cute!

_________________
Fast is fine, but accuracy is everything. ~ Wyatt Earp
Back to top Go down
Penski
Moderator
Penski

Posts : 1617
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 60
Location : Northern California

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeTue May 15, 2018 8:29 pm

Nightwalker - I love childhood stories. I could so picture wee Jed begging and bribing his big brother to teach him to shoot a gun. Very realistic in that it didn't get anything right away - it does take lots of practice to be Kid Curry. I feel sorry for the big brother having Han and Jed around. Wonderful take on the challenge. applause

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
Online
Nebraska Wildfire

Nebraska Wildfire

Posts : 125
Join date : 2016-10-31
Location : The Sonoran Desert

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: April and May   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeWed May 16, 2018 12:14 am

Catching up.

April. Bonnet

Penski:  I loved the action at the beginning of the story.  And Sister Julia is always a welcome character.  As usual she is outthinking everyone.

MoulinP:  So the doctor is in more trouble than the boys.?  Sounds difficult but true.  I’m worried about the Kid seeming to enjoy his book a bit too much.  A HH plan and a poker game - what more can you want?

nm131:  You wove such a delightful story about the Kid in a blue bonnet that I had almost as hard of a time keeping from laughing as Heyes, maybe more.

Cal:  I wasn’t as fooled as the Kid but it was fun watching him concentrate on what he thought was there.  Maybe he doesn’t think well before breakfast?

Remuda:  I loved how the story went from a typical scene of the boys settling into yet another hotel, being welcomed or not as they drifted the West.  Always behind their facade looms their past though. Do you think they will ever be free of it, either their childhood trauma or their adult actions?

May:  Setting Targets

Maz:  it sounded like bedlam ay Devils Hole!  Do you ever wonder how they ever managed to rob a bank?  Thanks for a delightful view of the boys surviving at the Hole in between those jobs.

Nightwalker:  I really liked the gentle, easy camaraderie between Jed and his brother. And thanks for teaching me more about weapons of the Old West.
Back to top Go down
Cal

Cal

Posts : 252
Join date : 2016-01-06
Age : 62
Location : Wales UK

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeWed May 16, 2018 8:39 am

Nightwalker -  hellowave Thanks for the research on the pistol.... light, but only a .22 and seven bullets.... weird.  As good a place as any for Kid to start practising. I like that Jed has learned a thing or two about getting what he wants (probably from a dimpled cousin) I thought the hints, at what his older brother was involving himself in, were well written... hints that the wrath to come, may have been stirred up earlier... but not enough detail to distract from the tale of the two brothers bonding over firearms.  I think this is an excellent take on the prompt.
Back to top Go down
Maz

Maz

Posts : 441
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 59
Location : London, England

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeThu May 17, 2018 3:04 pm

Nightwalker, I didn't know Jed Curry had an older brother but now I do :)
I loved the story, could just see the small blond haired Kid and hmmm who could be that friend they speak of?
I'd like to read more of this family. thumbsup

_________________
Obstacles are put in our way to see if we really want something or only thought we did: Edison
Back to top Go down
Penski
Moderator
Penski

Posts : 1617
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 60
Location : Northern California

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeMon May 21, 2018 9:58 pm

Cal - Lots of fun in this challenge.  Loved how Heyes kept interrupting the Kid practicing and that the blacksmith gave Heyes liniment ointment for his shoulder.  Actually, I'm surprised Heyes didn't realize that and blacksmith would give him that.  Fun, too, that the sheriff knew where to find them.  Looking forward to the rest of the story.  yes

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry


Last edited by Penski on Tue May 22, 2018 6:39 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
Online
Nebraska Wildfire

Nebraska Wildfire

Posts : 125
Join date : 2016-10-31
Location : The Sonoran Desert

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Setting Targets   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeMon May 21, 2018 11:07 pm

Cal: So the Kid gets that last laugh in the end? I can just see the Kid get annoyed every time Heyes interrupts, and Heyes freezing from the cold water. When the sheriff shows up, I wonder why... Hopefully you will post more and we will find out.
Back to top Go down
Cal

Cal

Posts : 252
Join date : 2016-01-06
Age : 62
Location : Wales UK

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Targets   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeTue May 22, 2018 1:12 am

Nebraskawildfire - Outlaw tale and from first person Heyes... that could be a real challenge.  Well we know he studied that particular bank floor plan really well.... and now we know why.  I like that you give Heyes a lot of self knowledge... the whine in the voice...the fact that he's convincing himself as much as Kid.  The reasons you build for taking on such a risky project and the pressure on the Leader of the Gang to do so, seem very true to me.  Loved looking at Kid through the brown eyes too.  You handled that really well, kept Heyes in character even in first person.   thumbsup Well done.
Back to top Go down
Penski
Moderator
Penski

Posts : 1617
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 60
Location : Northern California

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeTue May 22, 2018 6:44 am

Nebraska Wildfire - I know it's not easy to get inside of Heyes' head, but you did it very well. I loved how you wrote this bantering between the two partners with the wolves howling in the background. I felt like a fellow outlaw quietly listening and sipping. two thumbs

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
Online
Cal

Cal

Posts : 252
Join date : 2016-01-06
Age : 62
Location : Wales UK

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: setting targets   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeTue May 29, 2018 1:27 am

Penski - Wow...that was bold... or stupid....or cocky....or extremely lucky! This must have been at the height of their fame.  Heyes in full "I can do anything mode" with Kid hanging on in there, with every ounce of the faith he had in his genius partner.  I'm surprised Kid agreed to that particular HH plan... I guess the first dynamite going off would tell him Heyes had cleared the first bank...so he'd know Heyes was away clear before he let Kyle loose with the dynamite at his end of town.  That was exciting...but I'm glad they didn't try and set their targets that high too often....  Great action challenge.  Loved the way you took us through the whole adventure, start to finish.
Back to top Go down
Nebraska Wildfire

Nebraska Wildfire

Posts : 125
Join date : 2016-10-31
Location : The Sonoran Desert

Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Setting Targets   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeTue May 29, 2018 9:07 am

Penski:  I really enjoyed this story.  It was action packed, included a very involved Hannibal Heyes plan and still included a good discussion between the boys.  I can’t ask for more in an ASJ story.  

Some favorite lines:

Kid Curry poured more whiskey and downed it with a gulp.  “I get Kyle and Wheat.”   — Who wouldn’t want Kyle and Wheat at their backs??

“Well, at least they don’t have far to throw us behind bars.”  
— I’d have to agree with the Kid here.  It was an audacious plan of Heyes’ yet they pulled it off.


‘Positioning and timing is everything,” Heyes explained, again.  
— Definitely for this plan, Heyes!!

“Yeah, so I heard,” Wheat sighed.    
— At least they must have listened, since the robberies went off well.

Outlaws just aren’t that smart.    — Except ours, right?
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content




Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19   Awestruck comments  2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19 - Page 8 Icon_minitime

Back to top Go down
 
Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19
Back to top 
Page 8 of 16Go to page : Previous  1 ... 5 ... 7, 8, 9 ... 12 ... 16  Next

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Alias Smith and Jones Writers  :: The Writing Spot :: The Story Challenge :: Awestruck Comments-
Jump to: