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 Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17

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Maz
Calico
nm131
HannaHeyes
InsideOutlaw
cac
MoulinP
LittleBluestem
Cornelia May
Alias Alice
WichitaRed
Cal
sistergrace
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RosieAnnie

RosieAnnie

Posts : 832
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 102
Location : The Comfy Chair

Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17 - Page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeMon Feb 06, 2017 6:59 am

Hello, February!!

NM131 -- The walls Heyes has built around his heart, and some woman named Lydia found a way to break through, despite all the defenses Heyes built. So appropriate that Curry has the right experience and words to help his friend heal.

Wichita Red: The four walls of the sick room! You found a clever way to work the prompt into your continuing story. I can easily see Heyes almost pumping Curry for an account of his day, because his life is so restricted while he heals.


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HannaHeyes

HannaHeyes

Posts : 582
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 45
Location : The Hideout

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeMon Feb 06, 2017 10:21 am

nm131 - I liked the comparisons that were made in the intro to your story. They made a lot of sense. That Lydia must've been someone special to get past Heye's defenses. I really liked Kid trying to console him since he had 'experience'. Good story.

WichitaRed - I've been waiting in anticipation of this continuation. You made the first part very tense. I hate to say it, but I got a little thrown when the story switched from third person to first person (I'm so sorry), but it didn't take away from my enjoying it. I'd say Heyes did talk Kid to death when he came back every night :) Looking forward to the next installment.

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WichitaRed
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WichitaRed

Posts : 522
Join date : 2012-12-07
Location : Wichita

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeMon Feb 06, 2017 12:43 pm

I must admit, I wrote this story three times. And every time , Hannibal Heyes  kept taking it away from me. See, he wanted to tell it in his own voice. Supppose, he felt in this spot it was better than third person, so finally I just gave up to the silver tongue devil sorrykitty

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Wichita Red, "I'm not really a rebel, but I take chances. I have a good time, and I live life the way I want to live it."


Last edited by WichitaRed on Tue Feb 07, 2017 5:04 am; edited 1 time in total
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HannaHeyes

HannaHeyes

Posts : 582
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 45
Location : The Hideout

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeMon Feb 06, 2017 3:23 pm

Well, he is pretty hard to resist sm But like I said, it didn't take away the enjoyment for me so no worries thumbsup

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nm131

nm131

Posts : 155
Join date : 2012-05-04
Location : New Jersey, USA

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PostSubject: The Wall   Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeMon Feb 06, 2017 6:51 pm

WhichitaRed - I was so happy to see another chapter of Destiny's Cycle included as this month's challenge. The first part was suitably tense, while the second had a lighter tone. I liked how you worked in all those walls Kid had to deal with. I can picture Heyes impatience while waiting for Curry to return as he needs someone to talk to or at.

Cal - I really like your Wong and Haff stories so it was nice to see a snippet posted now. So nice that i went back and read the entire story it came from. The last line from Lom was great.


Reply to InsideOutlaw

I've never been to Yellowstone. I've been up and down both coasts but have only been to New Orleans (and Houston, TX once for a conference) in the entire middle of the country. I would love to go, but just haven't gotten there yet.

As far as ASJ stories set in Yellowstone. I eagerly await your VS. My original story idea was set in the Yosemite area (my two sons spent a week camping, hiking, and backpacking Yosemite last June). Yosemite changed to Yellowstone, which makes sense for the Wyoming location. The story changed somewhat and I wanted Kid as a Park Ranger,  which also leads to Yellowstone as that was the only National Park at the time. You're right, it is surprising more authors haven't used the area as a setting as The Hole in the Wall isn't too far away, which is the real life basis for Devil's Hole (I think).

I only know of Drena Hills "A Story Well Told" that takes place on the way to Yellowstone (and did have a influence on my selection of the Superintendent) and RosieAnne's "In Winter" while not located in Yellowstone does have Thaddeus Jones coming from outside the park in Montana.


Last edited by nm131 on Mon Feb 06, 2017 7:28 pm; edited 1 time in total
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HannaHeyes

HannaHeyes

Posts : 582
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 45
Location : The Hideout

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeMon Feb 06, 2017 7:16 pm

Cal - I remember the story this snippet came from and I loved it! It's one of my favorite of yours. Yes, imagine the trouble for everybody if that particular path had been known to the law. I really like the last part where the boys are talking about Lom like he's not even there and Lom's response.

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Penski
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Penski

Posts : 1622
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 60
Location : Northern California

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeMon Feb 06, 2017 9:12 pm

Wichita Red – phew… I wasn’t sure how you were gonna save Heyes. I was always warned no chest or abdominal shots. It was probably a good thing that he fell back into unconsciousness with what was wrong. I enjoyed the first-person account and LOVED the recovering Heyes going crazy just lying there unable to do anything. Very good continuation of your Destiny’s Cycle. thumbsup

Cal – Yep, I remember this part of your story. Curious how it came to you – do you see it in a movie or see a picture or read about something similar? Heyes has much more confidence in the Indian’s ability than Lom or the Kid. Loved the last part and Lom's comment! Glad you post this piece for the challenge.
sm

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"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
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InsideOutlaw

InsideOutlaw

Posts : 871
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 65
Location : Colorado

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeTue Feb 07, 2017 6:42 am

NM131:  It was Drena's that I was thinking of but I couldn't remember who had written it, so thanks!  While our daughter was growing up, we used to go to Yellowstone every other October.  That's one of the best times for viewing wildlife, but temperatures can be pretty cold and sometimes snowy. I've never made it to the Hole in the Wall, but it is on my to-do list.  Somehow, we always find ourselves flying through Wyoming on our way somewhere else.  Gotta change that.

Your story this month was a nice look into the difference between the two men. I loved how you start off with the story of the three little pigs. Like you, I see Heyes as vulnerable deep down but always guarding that vulnerability. You can see it in his eyes that he feels and empathizes but to do so openly is too dangerous for him. The Kid is emotionally stronger as he isn't afraid to be hurt and is willing to deal with the consequences--of course, being a renowned gunman makes it easier for him to be vulnerable. Nice, thought-invoking story.

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"You can only be young once. But you can always be immature." —Dave Barry


Last edited by InsideOutlaw on Tue Feb 07, 2017 6:52 am; edited 1 time in total
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Cornelia May

Cornelia May

Posts : 78
Join date : 2013-01-10
Age : 25
Location : Gettysburg, PA

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeTue Feb 07, 2017 6:48 am

IO, I have heard that Hole in the Wall is on private property now. Although one of the cabins is now located at Old Trail town in Cody, Wyoming. Truth be told, when I stepped in that cabin a few years back I got a strange feeling like I had been there before...

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"The only thing in life you have to earn is love, everything else you can steal." ~Hannibal Heyes
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InsideOutlaw

InsideOutlaw

Posts : 871
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 65
Location : Colorado

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeTue Feb 07, 2017 6:54 am

Cornelia, I've heard that too, but I think it's on a ranch and they sell horseback rides up to the hideout. Don't take me at my word, though, I think I read that a few years ago, but I'm getting forgetful in my elder years, haha.

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"You can only be young once. But you can always be immature." —Dave Barry
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Cornelia May

Cornelia May

Posts : 78
Join date : 2013-01-10
Age : 25
Location : Gettysburg, PA

Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17 - Page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeTue Feb 07, 2017 7:05 am

That's really cool if its true. I've also been to a place in Wyoming called Hell's Half Acer, it looks pretty much like a mini version of The Badlands in South Dakota and is surrounded by a chain link fence. The exit is somewhere right on I-90.

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"The only thing in life you have to earn is love, everything else you can steal." ~Hannibal Heyes
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InsideOutlaw

InsideOutlaw

Posts : 871
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 65
Location : Colorado

Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17 - Page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeTue Feb 07, 2017 7:11 am

WichitaRed: Lol, you sure have both the boys walled in by their circumstances (sorry, couldn't resist). I'm glad the second part of this installment settled into a calmer pace because the first part gripped my throat as I read. Nice descriptions of the injury, Heyes' awareness of it, and the reactions of the Kid and the doc. Good for you that you don't downplay the seriousness nor the recovery required. So often writers gloss over injuries and it hurts the authenticity of the tale. Showing the Kid's difficulties finding a job that suits him and some good banter added a little needed lightheartedness to a grim situation. Nice!applause

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"You can only be young once. But you can always be immature." —Dave Barry
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InsideOutlaw

InsideOutlaw

Posts : 871
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 65
Location : Colorado

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeTue Feb 07, 2017 7:16 am

Cornelia: Thanks, I'll check it out. Here's the info on seeing Hole in the Wall: http://willowcreekranch.com/about/

You have to stay at the ranch, but they'll take you in to see it. Another great hideout that the Wild Bunch used is here in Northwestern Colorado called Brown's Park. A lot of the old buildings still exist including the cabin Cassidy lived in and a baseball field the gang used.

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"You can only be young once. But you can always be immature." —Dave Barry
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Cal

Cal

Posts : 252
Join date : 2016-01-06
Age : 62
Location : Wales UK

Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17 - Page 7 Empty
PostSubject: The Wall   Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeTue Feb 07, 2017 9:23 am

Loving all this banter back and forth about the real locations of outlaw gang's camps... The only equivalent over this side of the pond I can think of is the Heart Oak in Sherwood Forrest... don't think that's going to help me gain any sort of authenticity in my scribbling!

Inside Outlaw - First thing to say is I've never been shot, but I have had a really awful experience where my face was badly damaged... This line, Looking down, he could not comprehend the redness on his shirt front , its real.. I remember that feeling, scooping up blood as it filled my hands, trying not to let it drop to the floor and cause a mess, apologising to others for bleeding on them... totally confused... you feel the slam and the jolt, but no pain at first, just bafflement... I don't know how you know this ... its counter intuitive ... but well done.  That one line, meant this was how it would be for Heyes ... think I lived that with him.  Very powerful writing.  
I'm glad Heyes took you in hand and dictated the second part. When Kid mentioned building a Wall I wondered how close he was to the Mexican border... Glad you steered away from that and concentrated on the confining four walls.
It's no good... I'm to busy watching Kid's clothes hit the floor to write any more................. Embarassed
Another glorious chapter... this could run and run! applause applause applause applause
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Cal

Cal

Posts : 252
Join date : 2016-01-06
Age : 62
Location : Wales UK

Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17 - Page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeTue Feb 07, 2017 9:41 am

Penski asked - Curious how it came to you – do you see it in a movie or see a picture or read about something similar?

Do you mean my story ideas?  Or this one in particular?

I definitely see my stories acted out in beautiful technicolor ... But weirdly, its 70's actors I see, wanting to ham up the scenes for laughs, and fighting over who has the best dialogue.  They often give me better ideas too, that's if they let on what the plot is.  Worryingly, I'm too insecure to begin writing with out a plot in hand, and I rarely want to start writing at the beginning... I'm usually writing towards a comic scenario that I'd have loved to see the boys taking part in... Like the gunfight of Smith vs Jones... I had a lot of fun with that ... but the arguments they gave me!!!! It had to be for a really good reason or they wouldn't do it.

The HOLE IN THE WALL was a gift... Butch and Sundance come along later ... so just couldn't resist referencing the Wild Bunch hide out... I think the entrance under a waterfall is pretty standard fair ... not my invention .. just too good to pass over.

Bless you for asking ... I lost loads of my material in a computer melt down very recently... including my VS... sorry... so my love affair with writing was definitely on the wain ... lovely to be asked about it.  
Ta Calx
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cac



Posts : 106
Join date : 2016-03-16

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeTue Feb 07, 2017 11:05 am

"I lost loads of my material in a computer melt down very recently... including my VS."

Oh Cal, that REALLY stinks. Can you take it somewhere to see if they can rescue it? How frustrating and disappointing!
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InsideOutlaw

InsideOutlaw

Posts : 871
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 65
Location : Colorado

Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17 - Page 7 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeTue Feb 07, 2017 11:51 am

Cal: LOL, I wish I could take credit for that fine bit of writing, but the kudos belong to Wichita Red.

I like the idea that the Devil's Hole was the Hole in the Wall before the Wild Bunch's time. Loved the last line, too!

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"You can only be young once. But you can always be immature." —Dave Barry
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Cal

Cal

Posts : 252
Join date : 2016-01-06
Age : 62
Location : Wales UK

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PostSubject: Oops   Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeTue Feb 07, 2017 4:04 pm

Oops.... Sorry Red.... Got caught up with the banter... Got to get my outlaws straight.... It'll be Kid Heyes and Hannibal Curry next!! Mind you.... Now that I think on it.... Heyes has that little boy look down pat.... Amazed he didn't pick up a nick name.... Like Kid did.... Wonder if he ever tried one out.... Early on.... Thanks for the pick up InsideO
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Cornelia May

Cornelia May

Posts : 78
Join date : 2013-01-10
Age : 25
Location : Gettysburg, PA

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeTue Feb 07, 2017 4:57 pm

Cal: If you were to make that slip up in a story you wouldn't be too far off. Heyes and the Kid are supposedly first cousins, so Heyes is technically half Curry by blood, depending on if you are in the cousin camp or not.

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"The only thing in life you have to earn is love, everything else you can steal." ~Hannibal Heyes
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Cal

Cal

Posts : 252
Join date : 2016-01-06
Age : 62
Location : Wales UK

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PostSubject: More wall lolx   Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeWed Feb 08, 2017 1:47 am

Yes.. Nelia ... Firmly in the cousin camp....Always liked the Kansan cousin tag.... Don't know how that sits with my love of Calico's early years writing... But I make it fit somehow... Then I go on to MAZ's ranch days.... Think by time they get to amnesty days in my head they must be 102&104.... That's another one ... They're two years apart in age but Heyes looked and acted a lot older than Kid early on... What are we like!

I like referring to Heyes as the dimpled one... But I have no problems incorporating the Roger episodes into my cannon... Another great mind trick that just works...

Nm131 and HannahH ...Thanks for the feedback on The Long Road Back.... It turned into a very long road but they sure gave me lots of chances to write some fun scenes... The saddle bags scene was all their idea... They kept corpseing... Giggling and horseing around...While I'm trying to write them in peril....They got Weather's gun on them!

Cac... No hope I'm afraid... Dead as a ........Parrot! I have the original plot sheets ...But......Ahhhhhhh!
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RosieAnnie

RosieAnnie

Posts : 832
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 102
Location : The Comfy Chair

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeWed Feb 08, 2017 9:42 am

Cal: I love that "Hole in the Wall" reference. Very clever!

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"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly."

"The failure in doing something is stopping too soon."
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cac



Posts : 106
Join date : 2016-03-16

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeSun Feb 12, 2017 9:14 pm

NM131: SUCH a creative intro with the 3 pigs comparison which Kid then continues unknowingly with his references to Heyes’ heart of stone etc. I can just see Kid leaning against the station wall too-nice physical description to set up the scene and continue the theme.
You made me smile, thinking of an old MASH episode when Charles’ heart is broken, and he mutters, "'Tis better to have loved and lost, then to never... oh, give me a drink." I prefer our boys’ take on the quote! The drink AND the emotion.

WR: You’re making me nervous, this talk about you being against a wall with Heyes just having been shot. Does this mean some future story challenge might actually have real disaster? Don’t do it!!
I like the scene where Kid wants Heyes to sort of get into a trance where he’s focused and calm. Neat connection with their outlaw lives and the current crisis as well as reflecting their relationship. And then all of Kid’s “walls” he has to deal with in the various jobs-great humor to contrast with the intensity of the first part!

Cal-Oh, great ending! So well done, both with Lom’s statement and the “Hole” reference!! You had me last month with the skill of the billiards line and this month with the sheer fun of these final lines:)
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Alias Alice



Posts : 186
Join date : 2013-04-02
Location : Yorkshire, UK

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeThu Feb 16, 2017 3:18 am

Great to read all the info about the whereabouts of the Devil's Hole, etc!

Nm131
Loved the idea of the Three Little Pigs story, and Heyes's thoughts about how it applied to Kid and himself.  Also enjoyed the empathy between the boys, and Kid lecturing Heyes for once. Fancy Kid being able to quote Tennyson!

WitchitaRed
Impressed by how you have kept your story going for 6 whole months, adapting the challenges to fit.
I liked how the start of this one comes from Heyes -his surprise and horror at being shot, and the sensations he felt.  Very well-done.  Also very good picture of how bad Kid feels about his partner's being hit. Then - a slackening of the tension- Kid's reactions to his jobs.  
We knew doing nothing would drive Heyes crazy!

Cal
Really loved your clever take on the 'Wall' theme! - the very appropriate 'Hole in the Wall'! And I loved your beautiful descriptions of the route itself. And the joke about 'Open Sesame'.
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Alias Alice



Posts : 186
Join date : 2013-04-02
Location : Yorkshire, UK

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeThu Feb 16, 2017 3:38 am

Maz.

Welcome back, Maz! Delighted to see you writing again! You've been much missed. Hope that parenting your cats does not prevent you from writing for another long period!

Very much enjoyed this hilarious and poignant ficlet, reminding us all of times when we have felt a little 'fragile' after celebrating a little too emphatically! Very well-done!
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nm131

nm131

Posts : 155
Join date : 2012-05-04
Location : New Jersey, USA

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17 - Page 7 Icon_minitimeThu Feb 16, 2017 4:50 pm

Alias Alice - The Wall, no sign of struggle. What a lovely seaside scene of two lonely people watching their children build sandcastles and maybe finding something more solid than sandcastle walls. Kid's daughter Marianne was pretty humorous with he "My Uncle Hannibal...". Your story also brought up very pleasant memories of mine, building sandcastles every summer with my own children.


cac
- A lot packed into short story, a tale of how Kid and Heyes met with a tag line throwback, a little back history to Jim Stokely, some action, and even a little Santa Fe history. Yes, Kid did have a "wall" when it came to Stokely he really did like the man, Heyes on the other hand does what needs to be done. Thanks for the fun read

Maz - A story by you is always welcome no matter if it's on time or not. I think I can come up with a suitable ending with the correct outlaw unclothed (yes, you were unfair, very unfair - was this catnip for another cat woman Calico?).Good luck with the kitty purr cattail egcat sorrykitty strcat
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