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Alias Smith and Jones Writers

A forum devoted to writers of Alias Smith and Jones Fan Fiction
 
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BeeJay
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BeeJay

Posts : 581
Join date : 2012-04-21
Location : California

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PostSubject: Posting here   Posting here Icon_minitimeFri Feb 14, 2014 9:28 am

Please do not post comments for other challenges in this forum. There are threads for your comments attached to each types of challenge. I created a new thread for The Monthly Stanza to Chapter Challenge to make it easier to find.

Thank you

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Dan Ker



Posts : 20
Join date : 2019-05-19

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PostSubject: Re: Posting here   Posting here Icon_minitimeSat Sep 07, 2019 11:02 am

1) Little BlueStem

A fearlessly jump into the unknown in the nick of time - only together, either die or survive, that`s the question with "one more step". Doesn`t matter if it`s already written for another story. A fitting scene for our boys as well..

2) InsideOutlaw

Once in a lifetime to get a lot of money to settle down comfortably - who wouldn`t like to dream about that? Your description of the sheriff as a man who kicks a man when he`s down is vivid, so the reader can see him right there sitting at his desk. Kid`s mentally withdrawing from that mean background voice is quite believable. "One small step across the line between honesty and stealing" ; the prompt is very good implemented, literally seen.
Of course Heyes appears to break the Kid out of jail...but not until he takes some refreshment...funny. I have to agree to the other comments, your used idiom at the beginning and at the end is a beautiful, skilful way of tying up loose ends.

3) Maz

Sometimes even our great outlaw leader needs some advice and encouragement, of course just to remind him as a matter of course that he thoroughly is able to do such a small step, or jump...Very funny to see how Heyes is on the brink of losing his face...thankfully he gets past his fear! Well, everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. Lovely to see how you made Heyes to try to backtrack on his own plan.
Great sentence: "I guess I have a lot to learn about theory and practise."
Brilliant dialogues as usual.
Kids arousing anger making Heyes gather all his courage and Kids threat to tell the other boys gives him the last push he needs... wonderful!

4) Kid4ever

Maybe it would have been better if Heyes had waited for the Kid to join up with him. But if his "back up" says "keep going"...always again beautiful to see they`re equal partners, even if something goes wrong...Well written dialogues, I loved Curry`s sarcastic replies.
Good idea how you implement the prompt "one small step, a little at a time" - the only way for him to move at all is to hop on his healthy foot. I could sympathize with the Kids reluctance to cut off his boot- they must appreciate a good pair of shoes, if you think how much they are on their way and fitting boots are expensive and hard to find...just think of all the blisters you can get from new shoes!
Besides: to google the prompt to get an idea for a story ..wow, upon what kind of funny things you can stumble, like the name of that shop!

5) RosieAnnie

I very much enjoyed your story. You implemented the prompt excellently. Funny your description of the two deputies. I`d love to see their dumbfounded faces when they face our two boys for the first time. What an impressing image they must submit! They mirror trouble, even two young, unexperienced deputies can see that!
You expound the prompt on two different ways:
a) "one small step" further and further towards amnesty. Their, so far, unobtainable goal, which they stand fast, so unwearying, though they receive so many setbacks. Once again, they call on Lom in order to ask if he knows something new. And are disappointed. Lovely to see how he attempts to encourage them.
b) Your description of the difficulties in their life.
Every step is exhausting and they can be glad of the small things life offers them...always short of money, they eagerly accept a meal for them, a job offer or to stay in a nice border house overnight for free. Normal things aren`t normal in general for them...for example, inviting a charming lady to dinner as Lom can do....
Great sentence: "No news is good news."No alternative. To endure and accept problems in your life ...and never ever give up. Don`t let yourself discourage by your problems and never lose track of life..."one small step " to look forward to tomorrow! For some people your story comes out just the right time.

6) Penski

A very enjoyable read. A really clever plot. I`m not a poker player but I assume "the dead man`s hand" is a bad omen...
Kids behaviour after hearing of Heyes` supposed death is very much in character, pushing his horse and himself relentlessly in order to reach the town where Heyes was staying as fast as possible.
Always wonderful to see how they manage to get some news unobstrusively So lovely to imagine how the black hat with the hole stands representatively for Heyes ( clothes make the man).
Very intelligent from the town people to lure the Kid to them...a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush...and 10.000 Dollar for the town is better than nothing. A mean thing not to let Kid pay his respects at the coffin - by the way, what a coincidence they had a deceased at hand! I like the way you describe the Kid being so agitated by Heyes` death he doesn`t even want to eat.
The sheriffs attempt to provoke the Kid only results in paying the penalty.


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