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  Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013

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Cornelia May
Kid4ever
Calico
WichitaRed
Maz
sistergrace
Ghislaine Emrys
BeeJay
RosieAnnie
Penski
HannaHeyes
InsideOutlaw
skykomish
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Maz

Maz

Posts : 441
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 59
Location : London, England

 Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeTue Jun 04, 2013 2:06 pm

riders, you were right. I have not read the Goodnight Trail but you didn't need to as this story flowed well as a stand alone. I loved how neither partner had contacted the other but both blamed their friend for the lack of communication. So Heyes is about to join Jim's gang. We know no good can come of it. Nice story and a great take on the challenge title. Very Happy

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Obstacles are put in our way to see if we really want something or only thought we did: Edison
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Maz

Maz

Posts : 441
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 59
Location : London, England

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeFri Jun 07, 2013 3:21 pm

Grace I loved the addition to the Maybe tales.
Only Kid and I know why he shot you a warning glance but who the heck is that blonde??? Mad

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Obstacles are put in our way to see if we really want something or only thought we did: Edison
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skykomish

skykomish

Posts : 171
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 63
Location : usa

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeFri Jun 07, 2013 7:19 pm

I'm still working on the maybes.

Riders - This was a fun little piece. I kept waiting for something bad to happen, but instead it was a pleasant little interlude of teasing. Nice.

Rosie Annie - I enjoyed reading this. You captured the voice of Caroline Porter very well. I do like a glimpse of happiness and everyday living in stories involving our favorite outlaws. Well done.

Remuda - I liked this very much. Unlike some, I don't find Annabelle teribly grating. She is naive and annoying, but also amusing in her clumsy attempts to make herself into something she is not. You caught her voice beautifully. I enjoyed the Kid's interactions with her and how he vacilates between irritation and teasing amusement, Well done.
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skykomish

skykomish

Posts : 171
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 63
Location : usa

 Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeFri Jun 07, 2013 7:41 pm

Penski and Sister Grace - My, my, my. A little friendly competition to see who is better at battering, bruising, bashing and generally abusing the outlaws. Gotta say that you both did a bang up job of banging up Heyes and Curry. Good job--I think--but I feel guilty praising you for outlaw abuse.
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Penski
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Penski

Posts : 1622
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 60
Location : Northern California

 Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeFri Jun 07, 2013 7:58 pm

Maz - Love the grumbling Kid and Heyes, eager to point out the what out happened in their latest robbery. Would love to see how they get themselves outta this one. Very much them and entertaining to read.

Riders - Oh, I so enjoyed The Goodnight Trail. So the men did attack the house. Love how the Kid tries to downplay the story like it was nothing. Bet Tex felt real bad having to ask Jed to leave after ALL he's done for him and his wife. "You always have friends here" - wonder what Tex would have thought if the outlaws Heyes and Curry showed up for a visit at his ranch. Loved how both Heyes and Jed wished the other had written when neither of them did. Gosh, seems like Heyes was more comfortable meeting Jim than his cousin Rafe. A wonderful continuation of a sad story of how the boys split up early on.

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"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
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Penski
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Penski

Posts : 1622
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 60
Location : Northern California

 Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeFri Jun 07, 2013 8:07 pm

Sister Grace - Aww... the Kid says good-bye and ready for his next adventure. Loved how you included all of the "Maybe" writers in your little farewell. Dang Kid was more interested in that blonde than in any us of.
Hmm... wait until I get my fingers tapping. I'll make him pay for that.
writing

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"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry


Last edited by Penski on Sat Jun 08, 2013 6:20 am; edited 1 time in total
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InsideOutlaw

InsideOutlaw

Posts : 871
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 65
Location : Colorado

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeSat Jun 08, 2013 6:02 am

Sistergrace: Loved it! Poor Kid, is he really tired of being the love 'em and leave 'em type or MAYBE is he just having a hard time saying goodbye to you?
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RosieAnnie

RosieAnnie

Posts : 832
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 102
Location : The Comfy Chair

 Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeSat Jun 08, 2013 7:07 am

Sister Grace, I almost said "Poor Kid," but he doesn't seem to be suffering much. Well, except for the basement part, of course. That didn't sound enjoyable. But the rest . . . yep, very nice of you to give Kid a respite from posses, gunshots, dread disease, hypothermia, hyperthermia, and any other kinds of angst the rest of us have dreamed up.

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"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly."

"The failure in doing something is stopping too soon."
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HannaHeyes

HannaHeyes

Posts : 582
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 45
Location : The Hideout

 Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeSun Jun 16, 2013 4:33 pm

I'm a little late on this, but I've been on vacation. So, finishing up the May stories.....

Penski - I hope you plan on finishing this story! I gotta know what happens! Loved Heyes' entrance into the saloon. Liked all the info at the end.  Well done.


Frankie - Oh my! Another one that needs to be finished! To what extent were Kid's injuries, did they get the amnesty? So many questions left by you and Penski!

SisterGrace - What a cute story! Loved how you included all of this month's writers.

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Come to the dark side.....we have cookies... Very Happy
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HannaHeyes

HannaHeyes

Posts : 582
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 45
Location : The Hideout

 Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeSun Jun 16, 2013 5:41 pm

Maz - I loved this argument between the boys! Very much in character. I laughed when I found out where they were.

Riders - I thought this was a good stand alone story. I had no problem following it. Too bad each partner is too stubborn to send the first telegraph. So that's how Heyes met that Jim.

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Come to the dark side.....we have cookies... Very Happy
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Maz

Maz

Posts : 441
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 59
Location : London, England

 Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeTue Jun 25, 2013 2:11 pm

So they finally decided to try for amnesty....nice one Penski

Maz scribbles note that this one is not in the poll she has to do this month. Sheesh let's hope she gets that right!

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Obstacles are put in our way to see if we really want something or only thought we did: Edison
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 Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeTue Jun 25, 2013 6:19 pm

Yay!  A new story, 3 1/2 weeks without a story -- so depressing.

Penski -- so impressed, not only that you have managed to write at least one story a month for so long, but also that you have managed to maintain the quality of the stories throughout.  That's a true achievement.  This one does not disappoint.  A very good version of the critical missing scene from the pilot -- how they decided to go for the amnesty.  This seemed so realistic and both boys in character (as well as Wheat and Kyle).  Really enjoyed it.  What a great ending to the dry spell.
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RosieAnnie

RosieAnnie

Posts : 832
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 102
Location : The Comfy Chair

 Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeWed Jun 26, 2013 6:36 am

Penski, I liked this very much. This feels like a missing scene from the pilot. You show us how Heyes and Curry might have made the decision to go for the amnesty. Both men were frustrated and bored with their lives. I think that's probably a good read on their feelings. They weren't motivated by nobility or regret. They needed to change what they were doing, and they found a way.

I also like the interplay between Heyes and Curry. In particular, I'm thinking of their arrival back at Devil's Hole, where Heyes almost drags Curry into bathing and eating, and the shooting practice. The dialogue illustrates their relationship very well.

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"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly."

"The failure in doing something is stopping too soon."
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Penski
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Penski

Posts : 1622
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 60
Location : Northern California

 Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeThu Jun 27, 2013 1:30 pm

Sister Grace - What a sad tale!  I feel for Virginia and "the partner" (whoever he may be).  I can understand her wanting more and he's not in a position to give her more, no matter how much he may want to.  Sounds like she's lost a lot already, like they did when they were younger.  Love the last scene looking down and the other partner feeling for the one hurting.  Really love how you made it ambiguous about which partner Ginny was loving.

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"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
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sistergrace

sistergrace

Posts : 550
Join date : 2012-04-22
Location : Devil's Hole

 Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeThu Jun 27, 2013 1:47 pm

Maz - Wonderful bantering, wonderful bickering!  I especially liked the title line - “How far away from you I’m gonna go, once I’m outta here.”

riders57 - A wonderful addition to your very enjoyable series, riders!  Your original characters are very likeable and you make others from history or the television series come to life with some very well-written dialog.  

I really liked these lines:

“Uncle Tex, you should have seen it!” broke in Bobby excitedly. “There were a lot of them, ten, maybe a dozen or more…”

“Six…”


Penski - Oh Penski!  Great missing scene from the Pilot!  Some really good thinking there, especially on the part of the Kid. (And the writer too!)
 
These lines made me laugh out loud:

“You goin’ to heat up a bath and make somethin’ for me to eat?”

“Well, no…”

The Kid’s head plopped back down on the bed.  “Guess I’m just gonna go to sleep like this then.”

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Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.
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RosieAnnie

RosieAnnie

Posts : 832
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 102
Location : The Comfy Chair

 Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeThu Jun 27, 2013 4:53 pm

Sister Grace, I don't know you at all, the person behind the alias here. Yet when I read  your stories, I detect an inner sweetness, a capacity to love, that shows through the characters you write. And I think, also, that your sensibilities may be more delicate than mine! I saw nothing shocking or un-PG here. What came through in this challenge entry was the desire of two people to find a happiness that neither really believe exists. I think you can tell that this story, although of a common genre, touched me on a deep level. I felt love, regret, and still, the belief that maybe love and happiness really are out there, far away, but attainable. A lot from a few words, huh?

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"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly."

"The failure in doing something is stopping too soon."
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Penski
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Penski

Posts : 1622
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 60
Location : Northern California

 Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeFri Jun 28, 2013 6:41 am

Very funny, Calico! Borrowing their magic bags - what a great idea!

Have an awesome trip - I know you will!

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h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
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sistergrace

sistergrace

Posts : 550
Join date : 2012-04-22
Location : Devil's Hole

 Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeFri Jun 28, 2013 7:11 am

Calico -  DELIGHTFUL!  That challenge was chock full of more fun lines than a... than a... pair of stuffed magic saddle bags!  Enjoy your trip!  train  A word of advice - Two former outlaws cannot comfortably be stuffed into carry-ons, even the magic saddle bag variety, so, the boys stay here!

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Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.
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Maz

Maz

Posts : 441
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 59
Location : London, England

 Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeFri Jun 28, 2013 8:51 am

Sistergrace...what a sweet tale of romance. I could really feel the love between these two. Loved the line A woman wanted things from a man, but they were things a wanted man could never give. Of course it can't be Kid because he only loves me, so it must have been Heyes right? Right?Mad 


Callico. All my bags are packed I'm ready to go, I'm standing here outside the door. ....I'm leavin' on a jet plane. ....And leaving the boys here with us. Muhahha indeed!! Loved the story. I could see it all with your use of just a few words. They'll be fine with me...honest! AS Heyes said Would I lie to you?Laughing 

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Obstacles are put in our way to see if we really want something or only thought we did: Edison
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RosieAnnie

RosieAnnie

Posts : 832
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 102
Location : The Comfy Chair

 Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeFri Jun 28, 2013 3:50 pm

Oh Calico, I vote for "Kid Meets a Real Friendly redhead" for an upcoming challenge. Think of the possibilities! A man! A woman! A tabby! A Native American! The possibilities are endless . . . well, the possibilities are several, at least. And while you ponder future challenges, have a great time in the land where mosquitoes with the wing span of condors number in the billions. But not to worry: English people are the favored cheechakos in Alaska!
  Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 3363901653

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"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly."

"The failure in doing something is stopping too soon."
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Maz

Maz

Posts : 441
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 59
Location : London, England

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeSat Jun 29, 2013 3:50 pm

Rosieannie I was wondering who is this Elliot? What did he have to do with our boys and then all was revealed. Very Happy 

Insideoutlaw...a separation story that reminds us once again how much the boys need each other and the trouble they get in when they are apart.

Nice ones ladies...and not too much for the poll setter to read! Now all you last minute wire dodgers take note!Mad

I could get to like this POWER!!!writing 

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Obstacles are put in our way to see if we really want something or only thought we did: Edison
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Penski
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Penski

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Age : 60
Location : Northern California

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeSat Jun 29, 2013 7:33 pm

RosieAnnie - What a great story of how Wheat left home - did Heyes  tell you that one?  Love the name Elliott for him and the reason for his nickname.  What a horrible childhood for poor Elliott - a drunken father and an evil stepmother.  Loved him visiting his mom's grave before leaving for good.  Clapping hard!

Inside Outlaw - Okay,  you had me - did not expect that ending.  Very good writing making us think one partner when it was the other.  Love the tender sheriff treating the hurt man, and yet he was cautious and looking to see if the man good with a gun was wanted.  Thanks for posting in the middle of your vacation!

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"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
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Penski
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Penski

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Age : 60
Location : Northern California

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeSun Jun 30, 2013 2:12 pm

Ghislaine - Oh, a story from the someday Part III saga!  Glad you gave us a sneak preview.  Love a Lom story!  Oh, he has a dilemma and trying to decide.  Love how the Kid picks up on it and asks him while Lom is shooting - great how intune Curry is with the gang to know something is amiss.  And then Heyes comes to the bunkhouse to check up on Lom and see if he can figure out what's going on.  Tricky how they get the gang away to see the book.  I can definitely see how HH & KC would be concern knowing what the book was about.  Really enjoyed how they parted company.  Now write the rest - it's summertime!

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"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
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Maz

Maz

Posts : 441
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Age : 59
Location : London, England

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeSun Jun 30, 2013 3:26 pm

Ghislaine..at last we find out about Lom's time with the Devil's hole gang. I love the visual of Kid leaning against a tree...may have to go re-read that :)

A well defined tale and a great stand alone. Loved it.

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Ghislaine Emrys
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Ghislaine Emrys

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Location : Arizona

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013    Awestruck Comments - Open 25th March 2013, Closed 16th Sept 2013 - Page 8 Icon_minitimeSun Jun 30, 2013 4:01 pm

Maz: Wonderful dialog, as always!  Love how you can make a complete story out of a single incident.  Though I think the last line wasn't really necessary.  These lines were my favorite: “We hafta do somethin’, Heyes. I am not gonna die in a cougar trap.” Heyes chuckled. “It’d be ironic though.” “No, it’d be stupid." But your signature line also fits in very well with this story!

Riders57: Apparently, I somehow missed your earlier story!   Sorry about that but I'll go read it soon as I can as I kept wondering about the backstories of the characters here.  I liked the way Kid downplayed his role in staving off the raiders, and then Tex's conversation with him later about ranching.  Kid was honorable about wanting to stick to the terms of the deal he'd made.  And Heyes meeting Jim Plummer for the first time: Nice!

Penski: Great meet up with Wheat at the beginning.  Love this exchange between the boys: “You goin’ to heat up a bath and make somethin’ for me to eat?”  “Well, no…” Oh!  What an interesting take on how they start their quest for amnesty.  Very different from other stories I've read.  Really liked the glimpses of life at the Hole, too.  Another great line: Hank was finally washing his clothes in the creek.

SisterGrace: I had to read the beginning three times before I realized that the creature beside Virginia, who was not a hen after all as I'd initially thought, was a human man!  Great line here: A woman wanted things from a man, but they were things a wanted man could never give. I think the story well conforms to the PG-13 rating.  It would be nice to know the backstory of Ginny and how Kid came to be there, as well as why Heyes was waiting for him at the end.  Yes, it was a little sappy but not overly so!

Calico: Great phrase here: …delightfully capacious – not to mention carry-on compliant…  Some luggage company could make a killing…  Um…what is the "spot on" gesture???  This was hilarious: “I’m dead,” despairs Kid.  And now I understand what folks in Chat meant this afternoon!  Excellent idea for a story, and I hope you're having a wonderful time in Alaska!

RosieAnnie: I knew there had to be significance to that line about the crops they grew in Texas, but I couldn't figure it out.  All through the story, I kept wondering what the connection to ASJ was.  Absolutely love the ending, when we find out!  This story was really sad and, I suspect, very realistic, as well.  I don't think I've ever read a story about Wheat's childhood before--good for you for thinking up something original.  Well done!

InsideOutlaw:  Great start--makes me continue reading (not that I wouldn't!) to find out who the narrator is.  I really like how you reveal the personality of the narrator through his thoughts.  Good line here: With those words, I had slammed the door on a lifelong partnership.  Ya know, at first I thought it was Heyes talking, and then I decided it was Kid.  But I'm glad it was Heyes because I like seeing him in situations that are out of his comfort zone, as it were, and seeing him react.  You did a really good job here, and the sheriff was a nice character, too.

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