Alias Smith and Jones Writers
Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.

Alias Smith and Jones Writers

A forum devoted to writers of Alias Smith and Jones Fan Fiction
 
HomePortalGallerySearchRegisterLog in

 

 Awestruck Comments

Go down 
+19
stormr
AllegraW
Bison1
countryrosie
joannb
nm131
Shenango
Fortitudine
Maz
sistergrace
Calico
FrankieASJ
RosieAnnie
skykomish
Penski
InsideOutlaw
HannaHeyes
Ghislaine Emrys
BeeJay
23 posters
Go to page : Previous  1 ... 7 ... 11, 12, 13 ... 26 ... 40  Next
AuthorMessage
sistergrace

sistergrace

Posts : 550
Join date : 2012-04-22
Location : Devil's Hole

Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Icon_minitimeWed Aug 01, 2012 5:12 am

Finishing up the July Challenges. WONDERFUL stories, everyone! study sm

Hannaheyes - I guess the gang will be eating fish for quite some time!

Bison1 - I'm still giggling! The Mary Sue Express indeed! "Fan" fiction... Snirt! Lots of fun, Bison. I loved it!

Penski - Nice edge of my seat story, Penski! Especially liked the idea of Jed not wanting to EVER be hunted like that again! You have a nice gentle touch in the way you take us back to their childhood days. Great read.

BeeJay - I find myself at a loss for words. Toe, eh? So glad you decided to "ignite" our laughter with your wonderful sense of humor this month, beejay!

RosieAnnie - I love the feel of this piece, revealing the gentler side of Curry. I like the idea of the Kid being a wood carver too. Your challenge story leaves me with a nice, warm-fuzzy smile.

Remuda - I enjoyed the even keel of your challenge, making me feel as if I were actually on a ship with Hannibal, studying the night sky, looking to the stars to guide both him and Jed "Home," to each other.

Shenango - Very good use of the prompt, Shenango! A little Hurt/Comfort story of the boys always makes ME feel better! Glad you made the deadline!

_________________
Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.
Back to top Go down
Guest
Guest



Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Icon_minitimeWed Aug 01, 2012 5:59 am

Ah what great stories rolling in at the end of hte month.

Bison1 -- so glad you're back, and with such a funny story. Don't we all wish we were on the Mary Sue express. Poor boys, trading one type of posse for another -- they will ride forever.

Penski -- very thought provoking. I never really thought of them leaving Valparaiso at a point in time when there were still hunts for runaway slaves, but why not? You nicely captured the terror of the hunt and the foreshadowing that only outlaws get hunted was wonderful.

BeeJay -- oh snort, just about ruined the keyboard spitting my tea out as I read this. Did I mention I liked the TORCH? There had to be a TORCH. Of course it was his toe, why whatever other part of a man would go up and down? What can people have been thinkingf?Awestruck Comments - Page 12 277638789 Did I mention the TORCH? But what an awful prison -- NO emory boards! The horror, the horror. Well done.

RosieAnnie -- another one drawn from TRTDH. I love how you have approached that from so many angles and drawn so many stories from what on earth the Kid was doing while Heyes was gone. Your writing set a wonderful tone -- very consistent with Kid's mood in the story. Good job!

Remuda -- Third time's the charm and your streak is intact. I'm glad you continued this series of stories and this one with some hope & optimism replacing the fear of the others. As others have mentioned I love the sentiment that wherever the they are together is home.

Shenango -- the wire dodger is back! It was a kinda peaceful little vignette, kinda makes me want to sleep. Liked the use of the torch. Glad you submitted and it was really enjoyable.
Back to top Go down
Penski
Moderator
Penski

Posts : 1622
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 60
Location : Northern California

Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Icon_minitimeThu Aug 02, 2012 12:29 pm

Remuda - Loved the paragraphs listing all the adventures Han can only imagine. So Jed had premonition dreams about being lost? Hoping Grandpa Curry is right about the stars and that they'll lead Han "into the dawn of a new day - and, to Jed." Very good story!

Shenango - Love stories with one of the boys being nursed by the other. Such a dedicated nurse, too, that Kid didn't want to leave his partner alone to get broth or a meal for him. Must've been quite the fever! Love how both partner told the doctor, "I'll make sure of it" in regards to having the other follow doctor's orders. Miss your challenges - welcome back!

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
HannaHeyes

HannaHeyes

Posts : 582
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 45
Location : The Hideout

Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Icon_minitimeThu Aug 02, 2012 6:28 pm

SHENANGO - I'm a sucker for a sick Heyes, so I really enjoyed your story! Kid always makes a great caretaker. Nice use of the prompt and well-written.

_________________
Come to the dark side.....we have cookies... Very Happy
Back to top Go down
Guest
Guest



Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Icon_minitimeThu Aug 02, 2012 8:12 pm

Hanna
This was fun! I can easily picture all the talking – arguing – around the fishin’ hole as this foursome attempt to get some fish for dinner and presumably relax at the same time; no such luck. I’m glad the “salymander” got away to annoy another day; just hope next time it’s not Wheat and Kyle it comes upon. And leave it to Kyle to come through with a plan to rival one of Heyes AND put dinner on the table! Lots of enjoyable banter, my favorite sequence of which was, “’Cause Kyle, EVERYTHING tastes like chicken. Or if Heyes is cookin’, burnt chicken.” Well done!
Back to top Go down
FrankieASJ

FrankieASJ

Posts : 178
Join date : 2012-04-21
Age : 56
Location : Devon

Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Icon_minitimeFri Aug 03, 2012 7:25 am

I know it's been a while but I'm going to have a go at leaving some comments as I feel bad for enjoying the challenges and not feeding back! Embarassed

IO - There's always one love that stays with you and I guess Sally was Heyes'. Nicely told.


NM - Loved this! So succinctly told and similar to the bunny which hopped in my head but I think you wrote it better than I could have!


Riders - Nice use of the prompt. Wheat sure is gonna be happy!


IO - Another satisfying entry. I do like it when the boys look after each other.


Hanna - Good old Heyes and his reading. Helped them out of another scrape. Interesting tale.

Grace - Of course you'd wouldn't turn him in! That would just be wasteful! Really enjoyed this one.


Riders - What a lovely image you created of the people going to baptism. And Heyes is there for Kid once again.

End of round 1! Awestruck Comments - Page 12 184121345

_________________
'If I hadn't seen such riches I could live with being poor.'
Back to top Go down
Guest
Guest



Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Icon_minitimeSat Aug 04, 2012 11:11 am

Riders; Yes that was a fun start to the month. Funny I never really thought about putting our boys in a boat to fish, but why not? Trust Heyes to win the coin toss and then act like he knows how to do everything.
I'm with Kid; if it's dinner why would you want to give it a sporting chance? Time to eat!!!
Back to top Go down
Ghislaine Emrys
Moderator
Ghislaine Emrys

Posts : 669
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 37
Location : Arizona

Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Icon_minitimeSat Aug 04, 2012 3:02 pm

Remuda: I liked the reminiscing from Han in the first half of the story, and the hopefulness of the second. But I didn't understand the final line of the story. This was my favorite line: Boys of a certain age were old enough, almost, to do a man’s work, but too young to be taken into that confidence adults shared.

Shenango: Nice illustration of how well Heyes and Curry take care of each other. I liked the doctor and how he was able to come p with a way Kid cold pay off the fee the doc was owed.

_________________
This is one of my schemes... ~ Hannibal Heyes

http://commentaryasaj.blogspot.com/
http://asjmoviewesternsetc.blogspot.com/
Back to top Go down
http://asjmoviewesternsetc.blogspot.com/
Fortitudine

Fortitudine

Posts : 40
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 66
Location : Illinois

Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Icon_minitimeSat Aug 04, 2012 7:13 pm

Riders: a nice piece of "fluff." And a great Kid line.

“It’s dinner. I don’t believe in givin’ dinner sportin’ chances. I be
lieve in eatin’ it.”

_________________
Fortitudine

There is no problem so big or complicated that it cannot be solved by the use of high explosives ~ Old Marine Corps saying
Back to top Go down
http://www.littlegreybungalow.blogspot.com
Guest
Guest



Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Icon_minitimeSat Aug 04, 2012 9:05 pm

Bison
Fun story! Interesting how all the love interests from the series showed up at once, and cat-fighting no less; who’d have thought? Let’s keep it civil, ladies! Really like how Heyes kids Kid about his duo of hopeful fiancées only to get his own comeuppance, and always love when Kid joshes Heyes about not being able to talk his way out of a situation – cute. The opening paragraph is nicely descriptive, and my favorite line is, “’Kid, you plannin' on getting married not once, but twice and not tellin' me either time?’ asked Heyes with mock hurt.” Nicely done!


Penski
Nice vignette of the boys’ initial experience being chased by a posse – the incident is very plausible and the boys’ fright is palpable. Good thing they weren’t the actual hunted, as these guys obviously meant business. Lovely foreshadowing toward the end when Kid says he doesn’t ever want to be hunted like that again, and Heyes notes not to worry, that it is only for criminals and fugitives. If they only knew. Well done!
Back to top Go down
Guest
Guest



Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Icon_minitimeSun Aug 05, 2012 8:20 am

BeeJay
What a hoot! Up, down, up, down – gosh, got really tired of getting up and down multiple times while reading this story, almost like Simon says. But wait, Simon didn’t say it – you did, or was it Heyes? Or, perhaps it was the TORCH! Never mind, TORCHes don’t speak; or do they? Anyway, back to comments…Oh wait, what about that girl? Heyes was fond of her, huh? Enough still to carry a TORCH for her? Oh darn, up again; no, down. This is getting, like, really confusing. Oh, but the light from the TORCH in the corner will really cast some illumination on it all. Yeah, that’s it, an epiphany…About TORCHES and Heyes and up and down and…and…Well, you get the drift…Sheesh! Consider my funny bone tickled. No matter how many times I read this (by the light of a TORCHiere, mind you), I can’t help but laugh out loud, it’s really TORCH…TORtion…TORturously funny!
Back to top Go down
Ghislaine Emrys
Moderator
Ghislaine Emrys

Posts : 669
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 37
Location : Arizona

Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Icon_minitimeSun Aug 05, 2012 11:27 am

Riders57: Ya know, I shoulda seen that comin'...but didn't. Lots of fun and the dialog was very well done!

_________________
This is one of my schemes... ~ Hannibal Heyes

http://commentaryasaj.blogspot.com/
http://asjmoviewesternsetc.blogspot.com/
Back to top Go down
http://asjmoviewesternsetc.blogspot.com/
InsideOutlaw

InsideOutlaw

Posts : 871
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 65
Location : Colorado

Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Icon_minitimeSun Aug 05, 2012 7:53 pm

Good one, Riders! Great dialogue and a funny solution to Kid's fishing problems. I bet they had to pick bullets as well as bones out of that trout!
Back to top Go down
nm131

nm131

Posts : 155
Join date : 2012-05-04
Location : New Jersey, USA

Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Icon_minitimeMon Aug 06, 2012 9:50 am

Finishing up on the July challenges.

Keays - With TOF you are writing Heyes and his experiences extremely well. This is just one more example but I do have to say if Heyes hasn't had enough I'm certainly at my limit and want to see Heyes released in some way, be it the peaceful heaven he envisions or out of prison.

[color=green]Hannaheyes - Well, Kyle's method of fishing was effective if not efficient!. Unfortunately, in real life there are areas where this type of "fishing" with explosives or chemicals are done and it is extremely destructive to the ecosystem. But in our fanfic universe the ending image of a proud Kyle is hilarious./color]

Bison1 - hehehe "Mary Sue Express" no words are necessary - some of us have carried torches for these particular outlaws for a loooooong time - no amnesty given.

Penski - Others have said it and I couldn't agree more, you have done a wonderful job of sketching out younger Heyes and Curry. The ending lines (foreshadowing) tug at the heartstrings. It was very effective to frame this story against the back drop of runaway slaves as it helped set the mood and time.

BJ - I can't reach the TORCH way up there to find my tissues to wipe my eyes of tears from laughing. It is cruel and inhuman torture to be without emery boards and endure hangnails. I was looking around for another TORCH to get a better look of what needed nursing after such a harsh discipline but then decided I'm not that much of a nuturing nurse to deal with toes.

RosieAnnie I too like the vision you've created of Kid patiently wood carving, letting his thoughts wander. This is a perfect gapfiller to the episode. Nicely done and very believable.

Remuda - Nice continuation of your previous challenges. "For, wherever they both were, was Home." sums up an undeniable truth for the boys that never changes as the years go by.

Shenago - I have a particular fondness for h/c and you didn't disappoint. Curry makes a convincing caretaker - practical, with just the right amount of deep-seated feelings showing more in action than words.

Now for August

Riders57. I've gotten the impression, either from snippets of the episodes or from fannon, that Kid Curry likes to fish and is good at it but nothing but nothing interferes with his need to eat. What a perfect line “It’s dinner. I don’t believe in givin’ dinner sportin’ chances. I believe in eatin’ it.”
Back to top Go down
Guest
Guest



Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Icon_minitimeMon Aug 06, 2012 12:58 pm

Well, I've got so behind in reading that I've writtten off last month - Sorry folks; but I promise to be much more attentive this month. Sometimes real life just takes over, dagnabbit!

Riders The last line in this story was a classic and quoted so often, I won't bother to do so again. Suffice to say you made me laugh out loud. You really caught him, didn't you? A hungry kid certainly would make dinner a priority. What a terrific start to the month and a great take on the prompt. Laughing
Back to top Go down
HannaHeyes

HannaHeyes

Posts : 582
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 45
Location : The Hideout

Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Icon_minitimeTue Aug 07, 2012 8:17 pm

RIDERS - What a fun story to start the month with! I too enjoyed Kid's final line :) Nice dialogue throughout. Good story!

_________________
Come to the dark side.....we have cookies... Very Happy
Back to top Go down
Guest
Guest



Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Icon_minitimeWed Aug 08, 2012 9:02 pm

Continuing with July...

RosieAnnie
What a wonderful missing scene. Believable and quietly contemplative, Kid’s whittling is the perfect activity, and analogy, for whiling away time as he waits. His recollections of childhood are lovely, and heartfelt, concluding with his having shed so many tears then, they were scarce now. As well, the set-up for the knife and wood is reminiscent of a writer taking pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) – ideas will flow seamlessly with the proper time, place, and medium (“He’d learned that he couldn’t choose the wood; it had to choose him. That was how he did his best carving.”). This is beautifully written and realized, a piece to engender reflection in the reader. Clapping!
Back to top Go down
Penski
Moderator
Penski

Posts : 1622
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 60
Location : Northern California

Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Icon_minitimeThu Aug 09, 2012 6:25 pm

Riders - What a fun fishing story! gonefishing Loved the bantering between the four "boys" and Kyle's final solution to "what's for dinner".

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
Guest
Guest



Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Icon_minitimeThu Aug 09, 2012 8:47 pm

Finishing up July...

Shenango

Nice hurt/comfort take on the prompt. Really like how you expressed Kid’s exhaustion through the entire story; made me want to lie down and grab a few zzz’s myself. The gentle banter is fun all around, especially the lines where Heyes assures the doc he will be able to wake Kid when the food comes – smile. Ah, food and sleep, how very elemental – and Kid-like – as is the job Kid will do to work off the doc’s fee, and kind of the physician to offer. Fun how you worked in the precursor to what I presume to be aspirin (“It wasn’t much of a miracle drug. It’s made from the bark of one of the local types of trees; something the local Indians use.”), so a little historical note as well. Nice to have you back dodging wires, Shen – missed ya! Well done!
Back to top Go down
InsideOutlaw

InsideOutlaw

Posts : 871
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 65
Location : Colorado

Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Icon_minitimeFri Aug 10, 2012 12:01 pm

I nearly missed the last two entries for last month!

Remuda: I've enjoyed this series and am glad you are continuing on with it. The separation would be so hard on them at that age.

Shenango: Good comforting by Kid. This made me think of the typhoid epidemics. I liked how Heyes had barely regained consciousness, but was already telling Kid what to do-wait to sleep until Heyes had eaten!
Back to top Go down
Maz

Maz

Posts : 441
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 59
Location : London, England

Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Icon_minitimeFri Aug 10, 2012 3:08 pm

riders...a great start to this month's challenge with a fishy tail. :)

Penski...so that's how the sundance kid learned to shoot so well. If only we'd known. Cute story.

_________________
Obstacles are put in our way to see if we really want something or only thought we did: Edison
Back to top Go down
Fortitudine

Fortitudine

Posts : 40
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 66
Location : Illinois

Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Icon_minitimeFri Aug 10, 2012 5:01 pm

Nicely written and with that clever little twist. Wonder who the Kid's "mentor" was? study

_________________
Fortitudine

There is no problem so big or complicated that it cannot be solved by the use of high explosives ~ Old Marine Corps saying
Back to top Go down
http://www.littlegreybungalow.blogspot.com
Guest
Guest



Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Icon_minitimeFri Aug 10, 2012 5:22 pm

Cute story Penski. Liked how Heyes didn't quite trust his partner to stay out of trouble. Nothing like a fast draw contest AND free food to get that gunslinger's attention!
Back to top Go down
HannaHeyes

HannaHeyes

Posts : 582
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 45
Location : The Hideout

Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Icon_minitimeFri Aug 10, 2012 6:36 pm

PENSKI - So Kid taught the 'other' Kid how to shoot...wonderful idea for the challenge! And he got food as a reward...what could be better ;)

MAZ - Kid on ice skates...that I'd like to 'see'! Nice addition to the Ranch series :)

_________________
Come to the dark side.....we have cookies... Very Happy
Back to top Go down
Guest
Guest



Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Icon_minitimeFri Aug 10, 2012 7:30 pm

Penski -- cute challenge, always nice when a real person is encountered. So do you suppose Bilson learned the trick of shooting plates from Henry?



Maz -- I do like your Bar T series. Maybe Heyes learned his manipulation talent from Nate and Jeff. They sure know how to punch the Kid's buttons.
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content




Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 12 Icon_minitime

Back to top Go down
 
Awestruck Comments
Back to top 
Page 12 of 40Go to page : Previous  1 ... 7 ... 11, 12, 13 ... 26 ... 40  Next

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Alias Smith and Jones Writers  :: The Writing Spot :: The Story Challenge :: Awestruck Comments-
Jump to: