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stormr
AllegraW
Bison1
countryrosie
joannb
nm131
Shenango
Fortitudine
Maz
sistergrace
Calico
FrankieASJ
RosieAnnie
skykomish
Penski
InsideOutlaw
HannaHeyes
Ghislaine Emrys
BeeJay
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HannaHeyes

HannaHeyes

Posts : 582
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 45
Location : The Hideout

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 11 Icon_minitimeWed Jul 25, 2012 7:22 pm

KEAYS - Poor Heyes. I feel so sorry for him and am really looking forward to him getting out of that place! Your descriptions are wonderful.

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Penski
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Penski

Posts : 1622
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 60
Location : Northern California

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 11 Icon_minitimeThu Jul 26, 2012 12:28 pm

Keays - A very good read, even though it's not my thoughts of the "beyond". Excellent descriptions and love that he got to experience wonderful moments. Noticed an absence of the Kid... Heyes woundn't call for him? And the voice sounded vaguely familiar - was it anyone Heyes knew from his past?

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"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
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sistergrace

sistergrace

Posts : 550
Join date : 2012-04-22
Location : Devil's Hole

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 11 Icon_minitimeThu Jul 26, 2012 1:14 pm

Keays - I especially enjoyed the images your words created in my mind's eye of peace and tranquility. As Remuda mentioned, your knowledge of horses and riding really shines through. Like Penski, I also noted the absence of the Kid in Heyes' hallucination of what paradise might be. I actually wondered if maybe the angel-like person who was talking to Heyes was supposed to be a version of Kid, at least within the context of this dream.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 11 Icon_minitimeThu Jul 26, 2012 4:51 pm

Thanks for your comments everybody. I made the 'angel' somewhat ambiguous because I didn't want to give anything away from TOF. When I get around to writing this piece for the actual story, Heyes; companion will be very much filled out and there will be no mistaking who he is.
I didn't include Kid in this piece simply because he and Heyes see each other quite a bit at the prison, so Heyes hasn't really had a chance to miss him yet. Karma and his family though, he missed a great deal so it just seemed natural that they would be the first ones to come to his mind.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 11 Icon_minitimeFri Jul 27, 2012 4:54 pm

Good one HH! Yes, we're all having fish for supper. You can always count on Kyle.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 11 Icon_minitimeFri Jul 27, 2012 6:46 pm

Keays -- your ability to focus on TOF is, as always, amazing, and this time Heyes got to see Karma -- sort of.

HannaHeyes -- fun story. Love the interaction between Wheat and Kyle at the beginning - very in character.
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InsideOutlaw

InsideOutlaw

Posts : 871
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 65
Location : Colorado

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 11 Icon_minitimeSat Jul 28, 2012 5:25 am

Sheesh, you had me laughing out loud with this one, Hannna. And before breakfast! Laughing

Out here, we call that fishing with a Dupont spinner.

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HannaHeyes

HannaHeyes

Posts : 582
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 45
Location : The Hideout

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 11 Icon_minitimeSun Jul 29, 2012 10:37 am

BISON1 - Congrats on your first challenge story here! I loved it! I can imagine some of those ladies hunting the boys down after they got the amnesty. Well done sm

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 11 Icon_minitimeSun Jul 29, 2012 11:02 am

Bison;

I loved that one, that was great! Now their 'other' past is catching up with them and they are going to be on the run for a while yet. Glad to see you back, and what a splash for your first story in a long time. Hope you'll write more soon.
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Penski
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Penski

Posts : 1622
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 60
Location : Northern California

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 11 Icon_minitimeSun Jul 29, 2012 12:07 pm

Hanna Heyes - What a fun story about the gang fishing! I've heard about using dynamite before to catch fish - smart of Kyle to do it so they were for sure going to have something to eat for dinner.

Bison 1 - Welcome to the new site - so glad you wrote! Very cute about the guys and a stagecoach of women carrying the torch for them. Loved imagining Michelle and Margaret involved in a cat fight on Main Street over the boys. Oh, and the Mary Sue Express coming, full of fan fiction authors... You can run, but you can't hide forever from us, Heyes and Kid!

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"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
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Bison1

Bison1

Posts : 6
Join date : 2012-05-23

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 11 Icon_minitimeSun Jul 29, 2012 2:31 pm

Interesting that there were a couple of stories about our heroes deciding to try for amnesty.

Inside Outlaw - nice job on the first person POV. I like the line "Heyes can find humor..."

nm131- your story had a very nice flow to it. I remember catching lightning bugs, too. They seemed designed to catch the imagination of children.

Sister Grace - well done, I like the way you develop character with few, yet meaningful, words.

Riders - nice stories.

Maz - got to love Malaprops, it must be the accent, eh?

Keays - Leave them wanting more, nice job.

Hanna - you can't go wrong with Kyle and explosives.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 11 Icon_minitimeMon Jul 30, 2012 3:00 pm

Penski; Nice story of the boys when they were still boys. Kind of had the idea that their pursuers weren't actaully after them, but still a very scary moment to two young boys on the run. Nice little bit of foreshadowing with Jed saying that he never wanted to be hunted like that again!
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HannaHeyes

HannaHeyes

Posts : 582
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 45
Location : The Hideout

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 11 Icon_minitimeMon Jul 30, 2012 4:23 pm

PENSKI - Really enjoyed this story. Loved Heyes' answer to Jed that only criminals and fugitives get chased like that. I thought for sure those men were going to take them back to the Home. Glad they didn't :)

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InsideOutlaw

InsideOutlaw

Posts : 871
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 65
Location : Colorado

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 11 Icon_minitimeMon Jul 30, 2012 6:04 pm

Bison1: And some of us are still carrying those torches 40 years later! Fun story, thanks so much for posting it and it's nice to see you again.

Penski: This was very good. How frightening that was for them and if Kid only knew what the future held!
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InsideOutlaw

InsideOutlaw

Posts : 871
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 65
Location : Colorado

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 11 Icon_minitimeTue Jul 31, 2012 5:30 am

BeeJay: It's dangerous to make people laugh while they are sipping coffee. My husband actually wandered over to see what was so funny. I loved the part about Webster's, his mom and her replacement.

Next time, I'll expect a warning label at the top!
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Penski
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Penski

Posts : 1622
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 60
Location : Northern California

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 11 Icon_minitimeTue Jul 31, 2012 6:06 am

BeeJay - You wrote a challenge! Shocked And a mighty hilarious one, I might add. jocolor The best part was TORCH - don't forget the TORCH up high in the corner. Not a prison I'd want to be locked up at. Thanks for the good laugh! Laughing

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"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
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HannaHeyes

HannaHeyes

Posts : 582
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 45
Location : The Hideout

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 11 Icon_minitimeTue Jul 31, 2012 10:33 am

BEEJAY - OMG, what a funny story! Laughing I loved it! Although I wonder, why is it we all seem to torture Heyes the most...oh well. The up, down part got me! His solution for the problem was great! Well done :)

ROSIEANNIE - Lovely missing scene story. It was like sitting on the porch with Kid passing away a leisurely evening. Loved the reference to the August meteor shower. I try to catch that myself. Kid sounded like a true artist in that the wood had to speak to him. Nicely written :)

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Calico

Calico

Posts : 760
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 56
Location : Birmingham

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 11 Icon_minitimeTue Jul 31, 2012 11:06 am


11) Keays
Oh – is this an angel (or with alternative spelling an angle – possibly a right angle) ?? Move away from the light HH. OR, if Keays is winding up a story – move towards the light!
Liking HH’s expectation of being rescued in nick of time – he must read our stories!!
Shouldn’t the touch of ‘scepitchism’ come after the Scotch?
Ah, not dead yet??? Keays has more in store for you yet Heyes!!

12) Hanna Heyes
Hannah – a third one! You spoil us!!
Oh no! You can’t torch an innocent little salamander, boys!!
Loving HH’s description of his catch… “A couple of sticks, that tree behind me, and an old boot. …”
Careful Kyle – Dynamiting fish is a hanging Oh-Fence in some places!!!
Loved it, Hannah. Fun, fun, fun.

13) Bison
Bison!! You came back to us in challenge land – huzzah.
What could be more pleasant than our two boys doing nuthin’ on a porch a la ‘How to Rob a Bank…’
This Plume Hotel Meeeezchelle is staying at – would that be the Plume de ma tante hotel??
Oh Boys, even after amnesty still in trouble for being ‘Wanted’, huh?
Bison – this is an absolute hoot. Off to buy my ticket for the Mary-Sue express!!!

14) Penski
Oh, Penski – young HH saying he’ll never be hunted down again ‘cos that’s for criminals and fugitives – that is so poignant!! Clapping hard!

15) BeeJay
A challenge from our board maitresse – double huzzah!!
Loving the lamp-shading of the torch. (Lamp-shading – torch … geddit??)
This prison is SO bad you don’t get emery boards????? Beejay, in all the prison based hurt and comfort we’ve read over the years – and let’s face it, a few trees died to make all that paper – no one, but no one has made it sound THAT cruel before. Let’s stay real, huh? You’ll be saying next they don’t get talc.
You underrate Hannibal’s mother’s erudition - surely Vibressa would inspire the naming of an Arabian Nights lookalike princess and a story with a foreshadowing moral?
Didn’t all the books end up propping up child seats at the oh-so-fertile Curry House. (NO, not that kind of Curry House…)
Naughty Beejay!! Methinks something’s come up with Heyes. Maybe he needs a whiskey – y’know, a stiff one? Does he need a hand? Maybe he doesn’t give a toss? Am I missing the thrust of the story? Or is it all cock and bull - well, one of ‘em. Do we need to check his Boner-Fides? Was that the climax?
I may have to disqualify this story for failing to mention the TORCH!

16 ) RosieAnnie
Okay, after that last innuendo fest – now Kid has wood. (Sorry!)
Sniffle, RosieAnnie – you’re going the heartstrings aren’t you – with Kid thinking about his mother and bursting with love!!
AH – we are in a RTDH missing scene. And Kid is mulling why he has no dang scenes and no dang lines!!! Except – you make it sound so much better, (smile).
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InsideOutlaw

InsideOutlaw

Posts : 871
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 65
Location : Colorado

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 11 Icon_minitimeTue Jul 31, 2012 11:33 am

RosieAnnie: I really liked this one. It is easy to picture Kid relaxing on the porch, enjoying the solitude, but not lonesome; just letting his mind wander. Mrs. Wilberforce sure was formidable and a great counter balance to the peace and quiet.

I loved this line, "as close as he and Heyes were there were still some things he kept to himself". I'll bet that true of Heyes, too. Good missing scene!
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Ghislaine Emrys
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Ghislaine Emrys

Posts : 669
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 37
Location : Arizona

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 11 Icon_minitimeTue Jul 31, 2012 12:56 pm

Okay, all caught up...until the under-the-wire gang makes its presence known.

Keays: VERY interesting story. You tantalize us so well with these short excerpts! I really really want to know what happened: Hurry up! Liked these lines:
a) ...the piece of felt with silver trimming as though it were a priceless artifact that needed to be handled with care. Uh, yeah!
b) When did that happen?! He hadn’t noticed! Death was getting better and better! Why had he fought against it for so long?

Hannaheyes: Cute. Love the line about catching "...that tree behind me..." Did you make up that joke yourself? It's hilarious and I never heard it before. About using dynamite to fish: It's a big problem in certain areas of the Pacific because it kills everything, not just the target fish; wildlife conservation organizations have had varying success in getting the practice banned.

Bison1: Clever story and clever sheriff. I liked how the four women cornered Heyes and Curry. Loved the lines about McDuff and Julia lying about her name. In fact, I enjoyed all the various references to episodes. Nice to see you back!

Penski: Great story. Really interesting parallels that I'd not thought about before (runaway slaves and the boys running away from the Home). Also liked the foreshadowing about being chased in the future.

BeeJay: You wrote! Love the first paragraph, especially: It was boring, worse than a jail cell, because; well, because you generally could look forward to escaping from a jail cell. Poor Heyes. Yeah, of course it was...toes. Obviously, since this is a PG site. Twisted Evil

RosieAnnie: Kind of a sad story; I'd say tender but... I liked the interaction between Kid and Mrs Wilberforce. His recollections were sweet. This was a great line: If he did it right, it’d look like he was wiping away sweat, instead of the tears that had come. Really enjoyed this missing scene.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 11 Icon_minitimeTue Jul 31, 2012 3:51 pm

BeeJay; Interesting take on the prompt and a nice little parody. Was there suppose to be a subtle little hint hidden away in there somewhere?

RosieAnne; What a serine little story. Nice missing scene from that episode, and I'm with you; Kid didn't get enough to do in that story and if just sitting and carving and thinking about life in general was how he spent that time then it wasn't wasted. It was sort of a sad, but feel good kind of reminiscent, all in one. Nicely done.
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RosieAnnie

RosieAnnie

Posts : 832
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 102
Location : The Comfy Chair

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 11 Icon_minitimeTue Jul 31, 2012 5:44 pm

Gonna get all caught up before any "under the wire" submissions make it in. Snappy dialogue seems to be the common denominator this month.

KEAYS: Heyes having a near-death experience? Well, why not? At least he gets to feel good for a bit. I have to tell you, though, Keays, I am wondering how much more poor Heyes can tolerate. Will he remember this brief interlude of happiness and decide that's where he wants to be? Only you can tell us!

HANNA HEYES: The Devil's Hole Gang members never do anything the easy way, do they? You'd think fishing was easy, but not the way they do it. And Kyle saves the day with dynamite! Definitely a fun read.

BISON1: Oh boy, they get the amnesty and they think they've left their past behind them. Little do they know, the past, in forms of various ladies, are closing in! This group of determined pursuers may be tougher to shake than any bounty hunters! Loved the bit about how the boys' presence is good for the business of the town. Lots of fun!

PENSKI: That was probably one of the few times a posse caught the boys, but didn't want them. And Heyes' prescient line: "No reason for anybody to hunt us down again." A little foreshadowing there, huh? I'm wondering if the boys encounter the runaway slaves at all, and what that encounter might entail. Are you planning to continue this? Because you do have a different angle here that I don't think has been explored much.

BEEJAY:I have a new cat scratch on my left leg, and it's all your fault. While reading your entry, I laughed so loud that the cat on my lap got scared and scrambled to get away. If I had an emery board, I could maybe file down the scab, but I'm thinking that maybe I'll just drop the dictionary on it instead. Or I'll wrap a blanket around it. I have several of those.

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"The failure in doing something is stopping too soon."
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Penski
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Penski

Posts : 1622
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 60
Location : Northern California

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 11 Icon_minitimeTue Jul 31, 2012 7:58 pm

RosieAnnie - What a wonderful story! I was wondering where Heyes was and why the Kid was whittling away at time and the wood. Fond memories of his ma and so polite to Mrs. Wilberforce (what a name - made me think of that tough hotel clerk in... oh, I can't think of the episode, but I use her for my VS with Heyes recovering from mining injuries in a boarding house and the lady didn't like him). ANYWAYS, I really enjoyed your story!

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"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
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HannaHeyes

HannaHeyes

Posts : 582
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 45
Location : The Hideout

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 11 Icon_minitimeTue Jul 31, 2012 10:49 pm

GHIS - Yep, that weirdness was all from me...and from experience too :)

REMUDA - What a touching story. I hope Han finds Jed soon. My favorite was 'wherever they both were, was home'.

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Calico

Calico

Posts : 760
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 56
Location : Birmingham

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments   Awestruck Comments - Page 11 Icon_minitimeWed Aug 01, 2012 3:24 am



17) Remuda
Glad your ninspiration finally lit!!
He’s a liddle Han dreaming at the stars. Thinking of when he still had a mother. Sniffing already!
Of course – they got split up didn’t they?
Awww, loving your last line…For, wherever they both were, was Home. Huge sniff. Clap.

18) Shenango
The Wire Dodger returns!! My first of the month’s are not the same without you, Shen.
Ah, torches for infected item burning. Another different take.
And a torch carried for any gal with a bottle.
Always nice to see our boys in caring for each other mode, Shen.
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