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 Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022

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nm131
Leah_Anders
Kattayl
rachel741
Nebraska Wildfire
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RosieAnnie
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rachel741

rachel741


Posts : 179
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Age : 49
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022   Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022 - Page 2 Icon_minitimeWed Aug 24, 2022 1:37 am

Penski. Enjoyed that. Could see it unfolding before my eyes. Nicely done.

_________________
The happiest conversation is that of which nothing is distinctly remembered but a general effect of pleasing impression.
Samuel Johnson

Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were. But without it we go nowhere.
Carl Sagan

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Penski


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022   Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022 - Page 2 Icon_minitimeThu Aug 25, 2022 9:30 pm

Kattayl - What a beautiful glimpse into Heyes' and Jed's childhood.  Loved that the adults were clamoring to view the children's program - glad some things haven't changed.  Adorable how the Curry and Heyes children all dressed in white and participated in a wonderful performance for their grandparent's wedding anniversary.  Han was such a ham!  Loved this challenge! applause

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"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry

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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022   Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022 - Page 2 Icon_minitimeSun Aug 28, 2022 5:05 pm

Penski: Great story for those missing parts. I could see it happening that way.

Kattayl: Lovely scene of the boys doing something good when I expected that they had been in trouble.

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rachel741

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022   Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022 - Page 2 Icon_minitimeMon Aug 29, 2022 5:43 am

kattayl- so sweet. Hannibal is such a ham-lol. Very cute :)

_________________
The happiest conversation is that of which nothing is distinctly remembered but a general effect of pleasing impression.
Samuel Johnson

Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were. But without it we go nowhere.
Carl Sagan

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Calico

Calico


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022   Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022 - Page 2 Icon_minitimeFri Sep 02, 2022 2:05 am


1) Hello to you Rachel,


Awww, dear Heyes has found a guitar – and been inspired to buy himself one.
Now, Heyes – what you really should have done is played that proddy Kid a lullaby. Smile.
Thank you Rachel – very sweet.

2) And hello to you dear VS Mistress, Penski

Ooooh, we have a missing scene from the pilot.
Now, this would be a useful packing list for going camping, huh?
Heyes, I suspect you of showing Kid NOT the lucky coin- you scamp.
Sniffle, he has to leave his guitar behind. Awww…


3) Kattayl

Hello there bandanny wearing Kattyl
Oh, I love a childhood story.
They’ve done a special song for a Ruby Wedding anniversary. Awww, and yet another Awwww. And of course it is simple gifts. What a heart tugger Kattyl. Thank you.


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Dan Ker




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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022   Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022 - Page 2 Icon_minitimeSun Sep 04, 2022 4:40 am


2) Penski[b]



Beautiful missing scene which reveals lots of room for interpreting (at least for me...).
Amazing, this time you chose a title (Packing Up), which sums up more than you can see at first sight.
Your story doesn't only refer to what kind of items they have to choose to say farewell to the DHG, their hideout and the members of their gang, or taking care of some things how the DHG should go on.
Furthermore, 'packing up' is always a sign of an end of a part of your life, in their case probably the most important one.
At this point of their lives, they conclude the past and have to decide what to take along.
A new start with not many possibilities but limited to the most necessary things. I totally forgot that the bedrolls offer storage options for clothes, so thanks for the reminder.
The saddlebags (although they are magic!) can't be filled with everything, so inventiveness is called for bulky but necessary things... Something that will shape their lives from now on..
Useful items compete with private items they have grown fond of.
Interesting that Heyes wants to leave the cross, as one of the last bonds to their former lives, behind him. Great, strong sentence, "I gave up believing". With this part of his life he is done with - outwardly, but not Curry.
It is very believable Heyes had a guitar in DH, playing on a regular basis. A luxury he has to leave behind - as many others for living a life on the run.
Beautiful to see Curry appreciates the sacrifice, being the driving force behind their quest for amnesty at the beginning.

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Dan Ker




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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022   Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022 - Page 2 Icon_minitimeSun Sep 04, 2022 9:12 am



3) Kattyl

I love childhood stories.
I am glad that, meanwhile, you are writing about each period of Heyes' and Curry's lives.
Fine development 🙂
With your story you give a good explanation how Heyes learned to play a guitar.
Very believable, even at young age he would have enjoyed playing on stage in front of an audience. He must have had already a lot of self-confidence back then.
Great sentence, "Arthur heard very little of the song they recited as he glared at his only son."
I had to laugh about you implying that his father probably was undergoing a lot with his vibrant offspring.
I like that you also describe Hannibal's tendency to do things he exactly knew his parents wouldn't agree with - but this time he is acting out of noble motives, not meant to run riot, but to make his plan perfect.
Funny line regarding the reason of the celebration,
"I think that's a long time to keep doing the same thing, but they sure look happy." I guess he is not aware of the ambiguity of his words...
I hope Hannibal's and Jed's good intentions will soothe Heyes' father's annoyance.
"Simple Gifts" gets a new meaning now.
Thank you for a beautiful contribution.

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Dan Ker




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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022   Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022 - Page 2 Icon_minitimeSun Sep 04, 2022 10:45 am



1) Rachel74

Nice story, written in your own, unique style from Kid's point of view.
In your introduction I had a small problem to follow you, or more, the order of events.
They "heard the safe go boom" and "Kid waited a few more minutes for his partner and Kyle to emerge".. Emerge from the baggage car? Or from their hiding place?
When Kid approached the baggage car, Heyes and Kyle were already in there? Had Kid missed seeing them entering the baggage car?

I very much like the way you (through Kid) describe Heyes' annoying habit of being concentrated thoroughly on planning a job, but once it is concluded (for him), to let his mind go wandering... That's his way of releasing tension, I guess, but Kid, being the man responsible for security, is well aware a situation is only safe or concluded the moment you get back at your hideout... splendid, of course his partner has always  to talk back!
I love Kid's way of handling his partner.
Another comprehensible point I like is that for Kid, a noticeable easing of tension after a stressful period is to go to sleep - in contrast to Heyes' new found fondness with his guitar.
Good description of Heyes' perseverance to get and achieve something he really wants.
Also well done is the increasing tension Kid experiences, climaxing in a snippy comment from his partner.
There is one thing I had to ponder about a little longer. It is just a matter of interpretation, though.
They find a guitar in the baggage car. They don't steal it but later on Heyes buys a guitar? They didn't steal it because they don't steal from the passengers, only from the railroads? I am wondering if they always stick to that codex. They are thieves, after all.
What would they have done if a passenger deposited jewelry in the safe? Would they have stolen it together with the money?
Never mind, just my own thoughts, not meant to criticize.
The interaction between the two leaders is enjoyable.
A fun read.
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nm131

nm131


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022   Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022 - Page 2 Icon_minitimeMon Sep 05, 2022 3:17 pm

Rachel 741 - This was really delightful. I could easily picture Heyes' unexpected nostalgic distraction upon finding a guitar. It was also easy tp picture Kid's understandable short-temperedness and frustration with his partner's new possession.

Penski
- This was a great missing scene. I really wish they included this in the pilot. Packing up for a new uncertain life must have been difficult. I like how you illustrated their thought process on what to take and what to leave behind. the cross and the guitar were especially emotional accents to packing up.

Kattayl - Oh, a happy children story! You captured a school pageant very m. It was a touching surprise for the Heyes and Curry children to honor the grandparent's anniversary milestone. It was a nice tie in to the series to have them sing Simple Gifts.

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Penski
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Penski


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022   Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022 - Page 2 Icon_minitimeFri Sep 30, 2022 8:30 pm

nm131 - Thanks for not letting me the lone challenge this month.  I had to laugh through your challenge.  Bossy Edith, not having anything on her bottom half and demanding Heyes' pants. lol2    Heyes getting arrested for peeking in the church in just his longjohns.   Laughing  Kid Curry laughing and asking his partner what happened to his pants.  panda   Wonderful challenge, as always!  two thumbs

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"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
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rachel741

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022   Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022 - Page 2 Icon_minitimeSat Oct 01, 2022 2:00 am

Penski. Loved this explanation of the job from everything else. Very plausible.
Nm131. This one made me laugh out loud. Too cute. Loved it.

_________________
The happiest conversation is that of which nothing is distinctly remembered but a general effect of pleasing impression.
Samuel Johnson

Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were. But without it we go nowhere.
Carl Sagan


Last edited by rachel_74_1 on Wed Nov 02, 2022 2:59 am; edited 1 time in total

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Calico

Calico


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022   Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022 - Page 2 Icon_minitimeSat Oct 01, 2022 9:11 am

1) Penski
Hello to you, Penski. Bless you, you never miss a challenge.
Dear Heyes, he has to share his ideas even in the night, huh?
Loving the nod to, “Before breakfast?”
Ahah, a plum role for Wheat and Kyle as they start a diversion.
All that – and so little to show for it.
That was so in the spirit of the show, Penski, with the boys getting away with so little. applause

2) nm131
Hello to you NM!
The Kid not appearing after a split again. Has he melted in the rain?
So, Heyes is being a gallant rescuer to a middle-aged lady stuck in the mud. Is she one of the Ex-Outlaw Appreciation Society, like us?
She is talking him out of his trousers – she is one of us!
The money was still in the pocket? That is properly funny, NM.
Oh, poor Heyes – he has upset the Mayor’s wife and daughter. Is his true story going to be believed?
And he has to put up with everyone laughing at him. Still, all’s well that ends well.
Clapping hard here! Great fun. lol2

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Dan Ker




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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022   Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022 - Page 2 Icon_minitimeTue Oct 04, 2022 12:10 pm

1) Penski

Good idea to start with a part of an episode to lead the reader directly to the plot, on which you build your story on.
The deja-vue feeling introduces us to your main plot.

Fine background story about the Henderson job, which reveals the leader of the DHG isn't always as smart as he thinks he is.
He still has to learn to listen to his partner’s gut feeling.
His arrogance is quickly replaced by worry.
Lovely his sheepish way of admitting the low loot, followed or combined with self-defense.
Says a lot about his multilayered soul. He will be able to push his failure to the back of his mind, never meant to come out to the open again.
His promise is easily said under the circumstances - I am sure Heyes is not delighted to be reminded of the Henderson job. But it is always important to have an honest partner to remind you, even if it hurts....


2) nm131

An amusing story in which Heyes is chastened by the fact, at least to himself, that even a genius can have an off day...
Right up to the point until he is so seething about the course of events that he finally, so typical for his rather self - centered person, decides to pin all the blame on his belated partner..

Great description, "any gloating pleasure was subsumed by increasing worry" - good expression for their kind of relationship only topped of the fact, that neither of them would express that openly.

I very much like the structure of the story with all the time leaps, which makes the reader curious to read on.
The flashbacks increase the funny moments, because we learn in retrospect what happened, only to return to the starting point. Kind of double emphasis.


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rachel741

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022   Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022 - Page 2 Icon_minitimeWed Oct 19, 2022 6:48 am

Penski- I enjoyed that, for once them being recognised from a train robbery kinda worked in their favour. Nice call back to 'Fifth Victim' too. Nicely done.

_________________
The happiest conversation is that of which nothing is distinctly remembered but a general effect of pleasing impression.
Samuel Johnson

Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were. But without it we go nowhere.
Carl Sagan

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022   Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022 - Page 2 Icon_minitimeWed Oct 19, 2022 6:21 pm

Rachel741 - You came outta the gate quick this month!  Loved all the different times in their lives someone (or one of them) said "nothing to be afraid of".  However, when it came to trying for amnesty, they know there is something to be afraid of - a lot could go wrong.  Favorite sentence was... Heyes laughed out loud, “No, Kid we ain't gonna...bein' sensible ain't never been our strong point.”  Laughing   Wonderful challenge!  two thumbs

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h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022   Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022 - Page 2 Icon_minitimeWed Oct 19, 2022 9:47 pm

Kattayl - What a fun challenge!  The bank robbery went so well compared to the rest of the story.  Two Fingers is a great name for a pick-pocketer.  Oh, oh, a town full of wanna-be marshals and Curry's gun full of mud.  Yikes - One-Shot's and Williams' shooting contest.  Favorite lines...
“Hey…Joe, how do you ever shoot this gun?”
“I don’t need to very often.  That’s why I hang around you.”
Wonderful challenge!
applause

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry

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rachel741

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022   Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022 - Page 2 Icon_minitimeThu Oct 20, 2022 8:18 am

Kattayl- not much went smooth for the boys aside from the robbery! Fun challenge.

_________________
The happiest conversation is that of which nothing is distinctly remembered but a general effect of pleasing impression.
Samuel Johnson

Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were. But without it we go nowhere.
Carl Sagan

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022   Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022 - Page 2 Icon_minitimeMon Oct 31, 2022 9:54 pm

nm131 - What a beginning to a story!  Poor Kid can't get a break getting arrested right away and then being identified by a bad guy.  He tries to do what's right and saves folks, but sheriff has him put behind bars again.  Can't wait for the rest of the story!
 jail

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h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry

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rachel741

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022   Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022 - Page 2 Icon_minitimeTue Nov 01, 2022 9:15 am

nm131- woah what a beginning. Poor Kid, looking fwd to more

_________________
The happiest conversation is that of which nothing is distinctly remembered but a general effect of pleasing impression.
Samuel Johnson

Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were. But without it we go nowhere.
Carl Sagan
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Dan Ker




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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022   Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022 - Page 2 Icon_minitimeWed Nov 02, 2022 2:35 am



2) Penski

One good deed deserves another... Even if there is a longer lapse of time between two events.
I like the introduction. The description of the denial of any possible weakness of either one of them is good in character, even if it is natural to get sick once in a while.
I like the comparison that there is no person in the world, no matter man or woman, outlaw or not who is not scared of certain things to happen.
Maggie is an empathetic woman, who easily senses Kid's fear. And his fear is no less than her previous fear.
To be scared of is a human side, something personal and individual, no matter what the cause is.

I very much like the resemblance of your story to the plot of "The Fifth Victim".
Even if the odds are against them more often than not, the "good side" of the two ex-outlaws saved them more than once.
Excellently written in the spirit of ASJ.

3) Kattyl

Nice thought out plan for a robbery without drawing too much attention to the DHG.

For me, you make use of the prompt twice.
A) It is a believable idea that Kid is anxious to lose his well-balanced, favorite gun.
Based on this idea you show that each person favors different things. And each favored thing is something important for that person.
Of course Heyes' comment (the prompt) is formulated exaggeratedly in his usual offhanded way.

I like the thought that your story could be regarded as being the trigger for Kid to take over the regular cleaning of Heyes' gun.
I'm wondering why Kid had to lose against One-Shot-Sheldon the first time they met. Funny, how the memory is still nagging at Curry, together with the foreboding story Wheat is going to construct.

B) I love the second usage of the prompt, even if you don't mention it specifically because it is in contrast to Heyes' flippant attitude.
The lives of outlaws is dangerous and Kid's question, "What if our lives had depended on that gun?" is a legitimate question.
Definitely something to be scared of.

3) nm131

I like your idea how easy it seems for the boys to get into a predicament.
A mistaken identity in addition to being wanted for their own crimes... Kind of ironic if one outlaw says to another (ex-) outlaw, "there's nothing to be scared of".

To build up tension in a story is never easy.
I especially love the way you describe the change of atmosphere in the scene in which Kid enters the jail,
"Blue eyes scanned the cells for Heyes, who he didn't see. What he DID see...."). Great stylistic means.
I get the impression there are two different feelings of fear developing in Kid.
A) he is first scared of seeing Heyes already in jail. His relief that is not the case is replaced by
B) his worry for his own person

You certainly have a talent to use a writing style shaped by lots of vivid descriptions.
The action scenes are good to follow by your detailed description of where the characters are at the moment.
The reader's eyes can conjure up the order of events.

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Calico

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022   Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022 - Page 2 Icon_minitimeWed Nov 02, 2022 11:37 am


Apologies first ! I gave you the same challenge two Octobers running didn't I?? Never mind blackcat


1) Rachel,

Hello there Rachel. I only have cold tea – cannot get the service.
No matter, on with the reading.


Oh no! Not THE day … and there was something to be scared of.
Oh this is good Rachel. Walking through the Kid’s life – and so MUCH to be scared of.
And finishing with the visit to Lom in the pilot.
That was very well edited and to the point. Clapping


2) Penski
Hello to you oh faithful Penski

Oh poor Heyes, sick again.
But, they seem to be in very kind hands. Oooh, eucalyptus! Yes, I always OD on sniffing Obas Oil when poorly.
Oh bless, she is not going to hand them in.
Now I remember Story One – good deeds come back to the boys, huh?
Clapping again – wasn’t that heart warming


3) Kattayl

Hello to you, Kattayl

Oh, I like Little Fingers the dip already.

Interviews for Marshalls? I love it!

“ You got reservations?” They do now! (Pun)

Oh, Kid – you must know Heyes relies on you to clean his gun.
Clever – love a town full of Marshalls (like a train full of Bannerman Men )


4) nm131


Of course we know that blond gunman is not our lovely Kid.

Oh no! The ‘Not Heyes’ is pretending the Kid is the ‘Not Kid’

And the peril mounts – a lynch mob. And now a shoot out.

Oh, Kid. Our hero.

But he still ends up back in jail . Gosh, that was action filled

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nm131

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022   Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022 - Page 2 Icon_minitimeWed Nov 09, 2022 9:41 am

Rachael 741 - I liked the vignettes of times the words nothing to be scared of were uttered to get through life. You gave us a succinct illustration of all the time Kid heard those words, even when in reality there was plenty to be scared of.

Penski- I always have a soft spot for H/C and you didn't disappoint. I liked that one good turn with nothing to be scared of led to the present day reassurance of nothing to be scared of. It was also a nice echo of the Fifth Victim. Thanks, I enjoyed this one, as usual.

Kattayl- - I found a lot of humor in the town full of would be US Marshalls even if the Kid didn't. One Shot's reputation is intact but Kid doesn't believe there is nothing to be scared of with the condition of his and Heyes' guns, with good reason. This was a nice little outlaw days story, thank you.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022   Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022 - Page 2 Icon_minitimeThu Nov 10, 2022 8:07 pm

Rachel741 - Oh, of course, the sneaky signal door knock so they know it's friend (partner) and not foe (sheriff or posse).  Love how Heyes is silently looking for someone and Preacher knows just who he can't find.  Yep, the celebration will have to wait an hour while the Kid soaks.  Loved this! applause

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h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022   Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022 - Page 2 Icon_minitimeSun Nov 13, 2022 5:49 pm

Kattayl - I think everyone loves the Wheat and Kyle relationship - great characters! You had them down with Kyle not getting it and Wheat trying hard to be patient with his partner. It reminded me of an Abbott and Costello skit. Heyes was so perplexed how one of his simple plans went so wrong. Loved it!
lol2

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"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry

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Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 59
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Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022 - Page 2 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022   Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022 - Page 2 Icon_minitimeThu Dec 01, 2022 7:52 am



1) Hello there, Rachel, our current bandanny wearer.

Oh, well, if you are going to put the Kid in a deep bath, that I is just cheating. All the Kidettes must be in heaven.

Aww, how nice to see both boys happy and safe and (for once) well off – and enjoying each others company


2) Hello there, Kattayl

A sneaky signal for Kyle? What could possibly go wrong? Snirt.
I am loving Wheat claiming he taught Heyes not to cheat.
Please try and remember, Kyle – I am starting to feel sorry for Wheat.

Well, we kinda knew something would go wrong. Poor old Wheat. So very glad he forgave Kyle though. You have to love him.

3) Penski
And many hellos to you, Penski. Just under the wire, huh?

Oooh, a sneaky slipping in of a lock pick for our very own, dear Heyes.

WHAT? He lost the hat? THE hat? Of course he has to go back.

So, they are gate-crashing a party – with Heyes all padded up. Lovely.

I like Agnes … “How you flatter me … Continue!” Yup. No false shyness there. And you know what? I think she rather likes the fact Heyes touched her – ahem – unmentionables

Penski and Kattayl like this post

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