Alias Smith and Jones Writers
Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.

Alias Smith and Jones Writers

A forum devoted to writers of Alias Smith and Jones Fan Fiction
 
HomePortalGallerySearchLatest imagesRegisterLog in

 

 Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ... April 22

Go down 
+16
EleanorW
calicole
Gan Ainm
Remuda
Nebraska Wildfire
InsideOutlaw
WichitaRed
sistergrace
Maz
Kid4ever
Dan Ker
Nightwalker
MoulinP
Penski
Calico
RosieAnnie
20 posters
Go to page : Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 10 ... 16  Next
AuthorMessage
Penski
Moderator
Penski


Posts : 1804
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 62
Location : Northern California

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ... April 22   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Icon_minitimeWed Oct 23, 2019 9:26 pm

Nightwalker - A fun sequel to your other stories. What a lucky Jocelyn to have two special night visitors and what great timing, too. Nice that Heyes could teach Jake a few things about cards. Jake must be special to Jocelyn or she wouldn't have given him that special ring. Hope he doesn't lose it, but does lose Wes. Fun challenge! yes

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
Penski
Moderator
Penski


Posts : 1804
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 62
Location : Northern California

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ... April 22   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Icon_minitimeThu Oct 24, 2019 7:19 pm

Nebraska Wildfire - What a lucky Lydia... to meet those famous outlaws... not to get two flat tires! Of course, the Kid would've stopped to help out. I can see them retired in a one-horse town spending their afternoons in the saloon. What lovely descriptions of them. I'd have been tongue-twisted, too, seeing such handsome men. I like the reason Lydia was in the southwest. Very nice challenge! sunny

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
WichitaRed
Moderator
WichitaRed


Posts : 522
Join date : 2012-12-07
Location : Wichita

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ... April 22   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Icon_minitimeThu Oct 24, 2019 9:01 pm

Challenge the dark

Penski
Wow....brutal, start right off with shooting Kid....
I loved the way you wrote Curry’s side of what was occurring. Terrific creativity.  I felt a bit lumpish in the throat when he was with family and realized he needed to go back, that he couldn’t leave Heyes. I also thoroughly enjoyed the final conversation how the faith in each other showed up so strongly Really a unique tale, thanks for sharing

Night walker
Positively loved your silent discussion description between the guys, it was genius

Really a very fun piece of dialogue like it a lot “I know that sort of thing,” Heyes replied emphatically, which raised a huff from his fair-haired partner who added, “You can say that twice!” His dark-haired friend turned toward him and beamed him a bright smile that twinkled in his eyes.”

Was a very interesting little story, had a lot of tension and suspense built into it, thank you for sharing I enjoyed it immensely.

Nebraska wildfire
Your story was completely off beat for what we normally get and I found myself enchanted by it .   Such wonderful descriptions and narrative just kept reading along and then when she ran into each one of them......the moment was perfect. thank you for this charming story and picturesque descriptions of a pair of retired outlaws

_________________
Wichita Red, "I'm not really a rebel, but I take chances. I have a good time, and I live life the way I want to live it."
Back to top Go down
http://www.redrockphotography.com
Penski
Moderator
Penski


Posts : 1804
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 62
Location : Northern California

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ... April 22   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Icon_minitimeThu Oct 31, 2019 7:34 pm

Inside Outlaw – I’d be nervous if I was the Kid, too, riding through that area with a reticent partner. In Heyes’ defense, it would be really difficult to surprise Curry. What a wonderful surprise, too. It really made me smile to think Heyes planned all of this for his partner. Favorite line was from Lobo: “Stew’s gettin’ cold and the ladies are gettin’ warm.” My invitation must have been lost in the mail – I wanna go to the party. Very fun challenge! thumbsup

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
WichitaRed
Moderator
WichitaRed


Posts : 522
Join date : 2012-12-07
Location : Wichita

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Good surprise    Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Icon_minitimeThu Oct 31, 2019 9:51 pm

Inside outlaw

Boy no one knows how to annoy Kid Curry like Heyes. A person could say the same goes for Kid toy Heyes also, and you do such a great job showing this side of their partnership. But I love you little twist that turns it all jovial this time. Fun perk at a day in their lives

_________________
Wichita Red, "I'm not really a rebel, but I take chances. I have a good time, and I live life the way I want to live it."
Back to top Go down
http://www.redrockphotography.com
InsideOutlaw

InsideOutlaw


Posts : 882
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 68
Location : Colorado

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ... April 22   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Icon_minitimeFri Nov 01, 2019 9:58 am

Kid4Ever: A very Halloweeny story!  Heyes' imagination might be a plus most of the time but it definitely got away from him here.  I enjoyed how you wove true stories throughout your spooky tale.

Maz:  Oh no!  Now I'm going to have to sit here and try to figure out what happens next.  Dang!

Witchita Red: Vivid descriptions of the chaos of a tornado kicked this story off well.  The roller coaster of emotions Heyes and Curry must've experienced:  fear, relief, euphoria at surviving, but then to have to experience such a terrible tragedy and knowing it might not be the last.  Very poignant.

Penski: This took a turn I wasn't expecting but I could imagine the Kid going through such a powerful experience and keeping it to himself until it all spilled out at the right moment.  Lovely description of the sunset and how it could easily trigger a spiritual feeling in any of us.

Nightwalker:  I haven't read the other part of this story as I think you must've posted during the time I was taking a break from everything but real life.  That didn't matter, though, I dropped right into the tale as I read and could easily enjoy it.  I want to know more about Jocelyn, how she came to know our heroes, and her relationship with the shady Jake and, of course, what's going to happen next.  That's a mark of good writing!

Nebraska Wildfire:  Wouldn't it be wonderful to see these two ex-outlaws age this gracefully?  I loved picturing them in a sleepy, little town on the desert.  Who knows?  Maybe that's what really happened.  Fun tale!

_________________
*****************

"You can only be young once. But you can always be immature." —Dave Barry
Back to top Go down
Calico

Calico


Posts : 873
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 59
Location : Birmingham

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ... April 22   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Icon_minitimeSat Nov 02, 2019 11:34 am

Oh poor boys and poor horses. All cold and wet in the rain.

Oooh, tornado! (are we going over the rainbow?) I am getting some wonderful pictures of the power of the freak weather here, Wichita.

This is so sad. The boys finding that unfortunate family.

Sniffle, Wichita. That was indeed dark.


4) Penski

Hello there mistress of VS

Oh Penski. This is well written tension as we enter Kid’s thoughts.

Oh, Kid. We all know you can’t leave Heyes.

Even more sniffles here. Your family all love you, Kid. You too, Heyes. Sniff.






5) Nightwalker


Hello there Nightwalker, good to have you back.

Back with the lucky lady who has two ex-outlaw visitors.
Loving the boys reacting to their poster.

And loving her ex doing the “That’s where the money is kept,” joke.

Oooh, is Heyes going to help out at a poker game? He is!!

This is clever stuff, Nightwalker.



6) Nebraska Wildfire

Ah ha!! A still handsome, much older, Jed Curry.

And we have an older Heyes too!!

Awwww … they are retired and happy and … Awwww. Lovely.



7) InsideOutlaw

Hello there, Inside.

Awwwww. That surprised me too!! A party for Kid.

Loving the stew getting cold and the ladies getting warm.
Back to top Go down
Nebraska Wildfire

Nebraska Wildfire


Posts : 127
Join date : 2016-10-31
Location : The Sonoran Desert

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Sunrise, Sunset.    Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Icon_minitimeSat Nov 02, 2019 7:47 pm

Finishing up September. Sorry, it’s been a busy fall.

Kid4ever: I loved the interplay between the younger boys, teasing and daring each other. I could see two other young boys doing the same.

MoulinP: Never know who the boys will run into? Some days I think they just have to roll with whatever they encounter. And they do it well, usually? A different, but fun story.

Penski: Some days one thing after another just goes differently than you’d hope? I wonder how the boys keep going, but from the end of your story it seems they do, just as they always did in the series.
Back to top Go down
Nebraska Wildfire

Nebraska Wildfire


Posts : 127
Join date : 2016-10-31
Location : The Sonoran Desert

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: November. The Dark   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Icon_minitimeSat Nov 02, 2019 7:58 pm

Kid4ever: Poor Heyes needs to watch what he’s reading. I really liked the dream sequence. I was worried about witches too. I probably would have been awake with Heyes, and I guess we would have stayed up all night, maybe not just because of the next story? ;) Thanks for all the historical links.

Maz: Oh, no, poor Heyes! Where is he? Very atmospheric and scary. Where is the Kid??

WichitaRed: You have them in Nebraska, with Scotts Bluff and the North Platte! I felt cold and wet too, just reading this. Green skies and wall clouds. I’m not missing that, loved my pink sky tonight. I’m glad the boys made it through, but so sad in the end.

Penski: You kept me on the edge of my seat, but of course the Kid made the decision he needed to. Lovely story.

Nightwalker: Thanks for more of this fun tale. I loved the Kid’s response to their posters in her room. I also liked learning more about Jocelyn, that she has real challenges other than dreaming about the boys.

InsideOutlaw: You put me back into an aspen shrouded forest, expecting a posse or worse around the next corner. I’m glad it all turned out for the better, and hope the Kid has a great time.
Back to top Go down
Dan Ker




Posts : 75
Join date : 2019-05-19

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: November; The Dark   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Icon_minitimeSun Nov 03, 2019 2:54 am

1) Kid4ever

After a typical ASJ introduction in a cafe you involve us immediately into your story by giving the reader an old couple feeling. Very nice how you pose Heyes to be a person, who`s always interested in everything that`s going on around him and the world by reading the newspaper. In fact, every ASJ reader should do this as well....
In this way, even the reader gets to know some interesting facts about Halloween. I forgot that in former times it was instituted to celebrate the harvest. Nowadays it`s nothing more than a commercial day but obviously in the 19th century it was a festivity with games etc....
Touching idea that it reminded them of their Irish background. Very believable that Heyes` vivid imagination of what he has read keeps playing on his mind.
Your small hint to "Reformation of Harry Briscoe", where a stage coach arrives in town with some cheerful saloon girls, is fitting.
The second part of your story is, due to the dream, a little bit fantastic. But well done, because the reader doesn`t understand in the first place where you`re heading to. Typical feature of Heyes that he has problems to admit he had a nightmare... In the third part you manage to turn things round and get back to reality by using the night scene out of "Everything else you can steal". Good idea, and not only because this is one of my favorite scenes...
All in all, I like the way you established the connection between the key words:
October 31 - All Hallows Eve - Halloween - treats - festival - costumes - sweets - dark and light chocolate.
You implemented the prompt twice in different ways: to be afraid in the dark, with the girl sitting in front of the mirror and to find such a little sweet dark and light treat in a bag,...something to suit everyone`s taste!


2) MazMcCoy

Uuh..., you`re playing around with human primal fears...The fear of darkness, or more exactly, the fear of being left alone in a complete darkness. Poor Heyes, without orientation, handcuffed in a cell, with a blank mind and silence all around him his heart must jump up into his throat. But suddenly footsteps approach...
I like it that you make sure to set Heyes in the right tone. When in such a situation something beside me would scurry by, I know I couldn`t help myself from screaming.... but not our tough hero. I hope you won`t let us reader`s stay in the dark and the story`s going on next month...

3) WichitaRed

A really moving story, believable and enthralling .
It`s full of graphic description and written in a realistic narrative style.
Even if I have to admit I´ve never seen such a destructive force of nature, I can easily visualize some scenes. Having to stay outside with no chance of shelter must be horrible. But as we get to know staying inside a house at that time wasn`t a good idea, anyway...The boys are well aware that this could be one of their last days, once again. Lovely your description how they are riding close together without a word, aware of the danger, making sure to hold contact with each other, finally each reassuring the other.
So typical for you to emphasize the importance of their horses . With their unmistakable instincts Kid`s horse feels the imminent danger and buckles. Knowing the risks of a possible fall, Heyes doesn`t understand the horses` behaviour not until he sees the funnel building. To outrun the phenomenon, the only chance.
Exactly the way it has to be you are drawing a picture of their riding style with them giving their horses their heads, using their legs and reins to spur them on. With no chance to get further, they force their horses down to the ground by twisting the horses` necks back and throwing themselves across their heads in order they have no possibility to see what`s going on around them. One of the best ways to keep a horse calm. You know what you`re talking about.. And by describing these scenes there comes the vivid picture in my mind...
One thing you wonderfully capture in your story is the fact that they always try to keep their humanness. It doesn`t matter whether it`s a bad guy or this small family...they bury them and say a few words. Overwhelmed by his feelings Heyes has to leave and it`s for Kid to say the last word. A very emotional scene. And very much in character for Heyes to bury his feelings deep inside him and not wanting to speak about what they have experienced.
I very much liked your implement of the prompt in a metaphorical sense in two different versions: the actual darkening of the sky and the remembrance of those dark pictures of what they had seen during the last hours combined with their dark images of their own past.
A very good story.


4) Penski

Wow , I think this prompt brings the best out of some authors!
Another poignant story, a near death experience and at the end the boys ponder about the transience of life...
What a wonderful picture you added. Maybe that`s the reason why the colors of nature so often makes us humble.
Your introduction scene reminds me on two parts of the series; Kid`s behaviour making Heyes nervous, one of the best scenes out of "The man that corrupted Hadleyburg", when they are sitting outside the Denver office of Bannermen . And the second is your description of riding on that road surrounded by rock formations. I immediately had to think about the attempted ambush of the hired gunmen and Preacher in "Never trust an Honest Man."
Kid, as always, has a right feeling for being watched but this time his partner acknowledges his worries but, alas, too late. He`s shot at. Very good your writing style in the copses. To describe Kid`s condition with one word phrases is excellent and thrilling. He`s only semi-conscious of his surroundings and then he drifts of...
Easily for the reader to share Heyes` fears and worries. And, of course, we can understand that Kid doesn`t want to leave Heyes alone on earth. I hope no one of us has ever to make such a decision!
I love the sentence: "I didn`t dig this bullet outta you and sew you up for no reason!"
Over the mend, it`s very understandable that Kid doesn`t want to talk about his reunion with their relatives in the first place. He can`t be sure that Heyes, with his as well sharp mind and tongue, would really believe him. But then, seeing the sunset, everything fits together perfectly. With Heyes being in the right mood, he has to the courage to reveal himself. Though his body language speaks volumes. Perfectly done, I would say! Lovely ending , both of them confirming their determination to stick to their goal. The falling star is the icing on the cake.
Your story reveals your professionalism. Congratulation.


5) Nightwalker

And here we are again with our female fan who gets surprised by her night time visitors.
In contrast to the owner of the house they aren`t afraid of a possible intruder. They have enough experience and faith in their own skills despite the fact, that they are in a complete unknown surrounding and time. Your description of their silent communication is sweet. Which fan wouldn`t love to have a man-sized poster of the two boys hanging in your bedroom? Ok, I know what my husband would say...Sweet the way you try to make a comparison between the partnership of Jocelyn and Jake on one side and Heyes and Kid on the other.
No matter in which time you live there`s always the same problems with gamblers...and so Heyes and Curry recognize themselves easily in Jake`s situation. Very nice the way you mix up the dream with the series by using sentences like" that`s where the money is kept". And the boys are seriously talking Jake into staying on the straight way, who would have believed this after seeing the Pilot?
And that`s exactly what makes your story so lovable. The fact that a fan of ASJ can draw new strength from our heroes. Just to think about how they would possibly handle a situation or what you can learn from their attitude or behaviour. They are always behind you, even when you can`t see them. "To run" isn`t the answer to all...To cope with situations and to overcome fears is a much better way. And if you know to what you can return to when you managed to do that, that`s a great feeling. And if you even have a reminder like a brown floppy hat to touch whenever you like...great.
The prompt is implemented in your story in two different ways:
The obvious darkness in the rooms, accompanied by dark shapes and the psychological felt dark sphere of fear...that`s a good possibility as well !

6) Nebraska Wildfire

Another interesting story about what could have happened to the boys after they got the amnesty. Coincidentally, just this morning I read a post of one of my friends that we should appreciate our attained age by accepting white hair and all the other accompanying disadvantages...Most of us have already reached the second half of our life and we start to look back...
I very much like that you told us your story through a third person, who, at first sight, didn`t have anything to do with the boys. Through her eyes we meet them again. It`s fascinating to see the way you`ve written their encounter. No hint in which time line your story is settled. The breakdown of her car could well have been nowadays.
Obviously, the boys have settled down, Heyes` being the owner of a saloon. A lovely but rather believable idea that they are still handsome men with charisma. I`m sure they have gone through a lot but did hold on to some characteristic features. I like the idea that Heyes is still wearing his battered black hat, which you wonderfully described as "almost falling to pieces". And Kid is still helping the needy....
It seems very likely that Heyes` sarcasm has increased and he has adapted an intimidating behaviour in the first place, and only then followed by his charm. Not a nice thought to be a tourist attraction! wonder if they`re happy...
Nevertheless, a beautiful idea that they got their amnesty and I would be glad to be the woman in your inventive story.
Your story refers twice to the prompt, for example when you speak of Heyes` sparkling dark eyes. Mainly, I think, you meant the dark interior of the saloon and, with a little imagination, it`s the dark atmosphere Heyes is able to radiate even in his advanced age? Adorable, mellowed only by an always charming, polite Kid.

7) InsideOutlaw

Aw, finally a little treat! How do you manage to drag a reader into a story? Then just start reading this one. An experienced writer is able to write an introduction in which the reader is totally unaware of where the story is heading to. A vivid description of the landscape combined with lots of adjectives and an obviously annoyed Kid riding in front of his partner...what else do you need to continue reading ? It`s completely unimportant that it`s already late in the evening and I`ve just "found" this last story...
Though Kid is used to quite a lot of his partner, this special trip and Heyes` behaviour is getting on his nerves . And Heyes, who`s used to get his will, won`t tell him what kind of things he has to take care of. He couldn`t anticipate that Kid is going to make a shot...Very good how you sharpen the whole situation and increase the tension. Just to see a disappointed Heyes, whose surprise is kind of spoiled. I`m glad that they all meet again to celebrate the birthday Kid almost forgot. A reunion of old friends...always a surprise.
The prompt is used short and sharp and relates to the beginning darkness of the day with shadows lengthening and horse and rider getting nervous, well aware of the dangers of the night. To leave somebody in the dark about the goings-ons causes problems...

Back to top Go down
Calico

Calico


Posts : 873
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 59
Location : Birmingham

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ... April 22   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Icon_minitimeSun Nov 03, 2019 11:11 pm

Whoops … just reposting my comments...
If you look back at the original you can see it starts at number (3)… bit of a mis-cut and paste going on there. sorrykitty


1) Kid4ever

Hello there birthday twin.

I am thoroughly entrigued by our loving couple of Alizon and Prospero. Woah!! We have just learnt what was meant by the light and dark chocolate. (Dark please)

I could certainly eat them up. Never mind the witches.

No, Heyes, NO … Don’t read Washington Irvine.

That was all very, very clever Kidfour!!


2) Maz

Hello there Mizz Maz, Are you enjoying your Captive Kid? You are – good. You do know you’re not polling? You do? Good.

Ooooh---errr!! What a little teaser you are. Heyes all cuffed up, but where??

.

3) WichitaRed

Oh poor boys and poor horses. All cold and wet in the rain.

Oooh, tornado! (are we going over the rainbow?) I am getting some wonderful pictures of the power of the freak weather here, Wichita.

This is so sad. The boys finding that unfortunate family.

Sniffle, Wichita. That was indeed dark.


4) Penski

Hello there mistress of VS

Oh Penski. This is well written tension as we enter Kid’s thoughts.

Oh, Kid. We all know you can’t leave Heyes.

Even more sniffles here. Your family all love you, Kid. You too, Heyes. Sniff.






5) Nightwalker


Hello there Nightwalker, good to have you back.

Back with the lucky lady who has two ex-outlaw visitors.
Loving the boys reacting to their poster.

And loving her ex doing the “That’s where the money is kept,” joke.

Oooh, is Heyes going to help out at a poker game? He is!!

This is clever stuff, Nightwalker.



6) Nebraska Wildfire

Ah ha!! A still handsome, much older, Jed Curry.

And we have an older Heyes too!!

Awwww … they are retired and happy and … Awwww. Lovely.



7) InsideOutlaw

Hello there, Inside.

Awwwww. That surprised me too!! A party for Kid.

Loving the stew getting cold and the ladies getting warm.
Back to top Go down
Kid4ever

Kid4ever


Posts : 221
Join date : 2012-04-22
Location : A GYPSY IN THE USA

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ... April 22   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Icon_minitimeMon Nov 04, 2019 2:27 pm

Popped in to do some voting and realized that I had neglected to comment on the last three contributions to "The Dark" challenge this month! I shall remedy that situation at once:

Nightwalker: I, too, missed the first installments of this story, but as I read further into it, I realized it was pretty much a stand alone segment and I wasn't lost at all.

What an entertaining, and enviable, predicament for a young woman to find herself in. Finding Hannibal Heyes AND Kid Curry in your home with you - sigh  Very Happy

Noises in the dark and two ex-outlaws on the ready to protect you - yep, I'd want protection, too! Gotta love that silent confab between Heyes and Kid as they plan.

I had a  Laughing  rotfl visual moment when Kid found the poster and his comments. (Made me wonder what else she might have secreted away, eh?) Then they tried to outdo each other as to who looked best... *shaking my head.

Jake was a fun and interesting character. Like the rest, loved his bank reference.

That ring sounds beautiful. Good thing Heyes is willing to help tutor Jake or it might never be seen again.

And then they were gone. Love the line about cleaning up after breakfast. And she found her KC hat - nice!

I enjoyed this little tale of our boys in another time period. They were true to character and used their unique and special talents to help out another of the needy folks. Great story; thanks for sharing.



_________________
writing "My task, which I am trying to achieve is, by the power of the written word, to make you hear, to make you feel -- it is, before all, to make you see..." ~~ Joseph Conrad ~~ study
Back to top Go down
Kid4ever

Kid4ever


Posts : 221
Join date : 2012-04-22
Location : A GYPSY IN THE USA

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ... April 22   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Icon_minitimeMon Nov 04, 2019 2:50 pm

Nebraska Wildfire:

Ahh, another story out of Heyes and Curry's usual timeline.

And Kid to the rescue of a damsel in distress. Nice to think that he is still helping the "needy folks" in his older days.

After seeing those baby blues it's no wonder Lydia can't take her eyes off the stranger and finds herself flushed  Very Happy

I like how Jed explained about the saloon and we discover that Heyes is in there. The two partners are still together in the future; nice thought. And they still call each other Kid and Heyes, awww  applause  

Love the familiarity I felt even with Heyes and Kid being older; it was still them.

Thanks for sharing a tale of what could happen if a woman was near where Hannibal Heyes and Kid Curry settled down in retirement and just happened to run into them, thanks to a flat tire. Timing is everything.  yes

_________________
writing "My task, which I am trying to achieve is, by the power of the written word, to make you hear, to make you feel -- it is, before all, to make you see..." ~~ Joseph Conrad ~~ study
Back to top Go down
Kid4ever

Kid4ever


Posts : 221
Join date : 2012-04-22
Location : A GYPSY IN THE USA

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ... April 22   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Icon_minitimeMon Nov 04, 2019 3:31 pm

InsideOutlaw:

Very nice set-up with a grumpy Kid and a closed-mouth Heyes. From your description, I can well understand why Kid was so on edge. He can't do his job if he doesn't know or understand what's going on.

Love the deer encounter and Kid's sarcasm towards Heyes - cute!  Very Happy

Firing a shot is definitely a sure way to find out who's inside and let 'em know who they're dealing with - an armed Kid Curry!

What a great partner Heyes is - arranging a surprise birthday party for his buddy. And fancy that - Kid didn't even know he'd forgotten his birthday. Must've had other things on his mind, eh?  Rolling Eyes

You created a fun situation for a reunion of the whole Devil's Hole gang and even Lom got an invite! What a nice way to turn 30 - among friends, having a drink and relaxing with the ladies. Heyes came up with a great plan to help erase their normally stress-filled days, if even for one night.

Thanks for entertaining us with thoughts of what might happen on a good day (or night) for Kid and Heyes.

_________________
writing "My task, which I am trying to achieve is, by the power of the written word, to make you hear, to make you feel -- it is, before all, to make you see..." ~~ Joseph Conrad ~~ study
Back to top Go down
Nightwalker




Posts : 106
Join date : 2018-04-16
Age : 53
Location : Germany

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ... April 22   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Icon_minitimeTue Nov 05, 2019 6:01 am

Kid4ever – I can’t believe it - Vulture City - what a great name! It was interesting for me to learn about the roots of Halloween, which is no tradition in our country.
I was a little surprised that the Kid lost his appetite over the story Heyes read to him. I wouldn’t have considered him a man with a sensitive stomach. Maybe it was just because he was working on his 4th helping? ;-)
However, reading a ghost of story in a night like this was obviously too much for an overactive mind and Heyes received his punishment as soon as he turned out the light. Heyes asked for nightmares and he was given.
I love reading myself, but even if never was one for horror stories, I know that the book Heyes started to read for distraction, wasn’t a good choice at all; rather like trying to cast out devils by Beelzebub. I bet Heyes didn’t dare to close his eyes again this night.

MazMcCoy – You really know how to start a story! Beginning it with Heyes groaning, you caught my attention most certainly. What a way to wake up: suffering and handcuffed. But then you leave us with what? Footsteps drawing closer? You can’t be serious?!
Who? Where? Why? How will he get free again?
Can we hope for a continuation, Maz?

WichitaRed – Another brilliant story from you this month. It thrilling, dark, moving, and a very good read.
The darkening sky doesn’t bode well for the boys’ ride, and it doesn’t take long until the poor boys are soaking wet. Just when I thought it can’t get worse anymore, it does. You captured the atmosphere perfectly.
The comparison between a posse and the tornado fits almost too perfect: it seems to follow them, merciless and relentless, not caring if the boys will end up dead or alive.
I love the way the boys show their relieve when they realize they survived their trial, especially Heyes’ laugh. They just don’t know that it isn’t over yet. After the test of their physical strength and nerves is over, they are heading for a metal one. I’m so sorry they had to find the place which was devastated by the tornado and how it brought back dark memories of their past. It says a lot about they boys, that they not just turned their backs, but tried to help and searched for survivors. Maybe it was fortune after all, that they boys didn’t find the treacherous shelter of the farm, before the storm hit, or they might have ended up beside the poor family they had to bury in the end.
And as sad as it is, I love the eulogy Heyes held for the family – simple but moving.

Penski – The boys had a hard time this month for sure. After all the other disasters they had to face in the other stories, this one is the worst. Kid Curry shot and not only about to die, but actually dying? As nice as it is that he had a chance to see their families again, which gave him hope and comfort, I’m more than glad he chose to return to his partner, regardless of the pain and hardness it will mean for himself.
I love the way you wrote Kid Curry’s point of view with short by intense expressions. And of course, I love that the Kid made the right choice. Your story show so much the depth of the connection and affection between the boys. Wherever they are they can rely on each other.

Nebraska Wildfire – What a beautiful story. Lydia is one lucky lady, that her car broke down just there and then and gave her the opportunity to be rescued by a famous ex-outlaw, who’s always at his best when he gets the chance to help a lady in distress. I’m so glad the boys finally found a place to live and seems to live good lives, too. Even coming into age their personality and habits haven’t changed a lot. Heyes may act grumpy considering himself as some kind of tourist attraction, but I bet it would hurt him rather more if anyone wouldn't pay him attention at all. Speaking of it: you forgot to mention where we have to go to, to find our boys in real. Can we hope for a continuation to your story?

InsideOutlaw – You chose an interesting arc for your plot. You start your story with an almost spooky ride through the woods, have us on the edge, when the boys reach the cabin and finish it with a celebration.
I like your descriptions of the surroundings, the way you build up the tension and most of all the interaction between the boys.
It’s not an easy task to organize a surprise for a man as protective and alert as Kid Curry, and only one man could handle it :-)

_________________
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."
-Dr. Seuss
Back to top Go down
RosieAnnie

RosieAnnie


Posts : 839
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 105
Location : The Comfy Chair

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ... April 22   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Icon_minitimeThu Nov 07, 2019 4:28 pm

For October:

Kid 4ever: I think my favorite part of this story might be Kid's reactions. "Just how long is this story?" Zipping his mouth closed -- though, my anal-retentive mind says, did they have zippers then? -- and his response to women looking in mirrors for their future mates, and wondering why anyone would tell young girls to do some fool thing like that? I think the only way that Heyes might've given himself a worst nightmare is if he'd had too much spicy food for dinner.

Maz: Oh no Maz, you can't leave us hanging like that. Can't it be another bad dream? Or telling a dark tale of something from the past? Don't leave The Dimpled One that way!

Wichita Red: Us Midwesterners know all too well the terror of tornadoes, don't we? Out on the prairie, there's no place to hide, and no where to run. If you're lucky like our boys turned out to be, you find a place to get below ground level. This is a sadly realistic story.

Penski: Of course Kid would go back to make sure his friend didn't suffer from his loss. This time, Heyes was one of the needy people.

Nightwalker: After Halloween, and all sorts of ghost stories, it's nice to find some ghosts who actually do a little bit of good. Poker lessons? Why not? And how about some hard-found wisdom about the price of easy money. As Kid Curry said: "Your partner’s too excited. The next place is just too temptin’. Next time everythin’ will be easier...” I have a bad feeling, though, that Jake really hasn't learned his lesson.

Nebraska Wildfire: What a nice interlude spent with our boys and the latest "needy person" they help. I love how Heyes was a little disappointed that she wasn't in town because of his reputation.

Inside Outlaw: Not surprised that Curry lost track of his own birthday. What a great surprise that Heyes planned for him -- a surprise party! Which Curry nearly ruined with his shooting, but hey. Fun stuff!

_________________
"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly."

"The failure in doing something is stopping too soon."
Back to top Go down
Penski
Moderator
Penski


Posts : 1804
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 62
Location : Northern California

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ... April 22   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Icon_minitimeSun Nov 17, 2019 4:55 pm

Nightwalker – First one outta the gate with an excellent challenge. I can see how one or both of the boys would hold a grudge who all that’s gone wrong in their short lives. Love how Han showed Jed there was something to be grateful for despite all that was wrong in their world – they still have each other. Well written! applause

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
Kid4ever

Kid4ever


Posts : 221
Join date : 2012-04-22
Location : A GYPSY IN THE USA

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ... April 22   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Icon_minitimeFri Nov 22, 2019 3:57 pm

(I thought I was gonna be the first poster again, but to my surprise, Nightwalker beat me to it - by several days! Not sure why I don't get the notifications, but I'm very glad I'm not the only one getting a story outta this month's prompt!)

Nightwalker:

What a fun snippet of Han and Jed's childhood to share with us as we grow close to Thanksgiving. It was easy to imagine this conversation taking place in their younger years.

(I can well understand, and share, their resignation at the daunting task of peeling the tubulars - it falls upon me every year to peel what looks like hundreds of taters from a never-ending mound. The joy of finally tossing the last one into the water cannot be explained...)

You've got some great conversation going on between the two boys as they peel their way through their punishment. I enjoyed Jed's POV about the nuts, but Han is there to set him straight. It's a good game of point and counterpoint between the two boys as Han shares what they should be grateful for and Jed points out the negative aspects of each one.

And Jed NOT hungry? Well, maybe not for taters... eat

Aw, what a nice warm fuzzy feeling when Han turns things around to get Jed to realize that nothing else matters: they have each other and always will. Grudge gone and friends forever - they can do anything together!

_________________
writing "My task, which I am trying to achieve is, by the power of the written word, to make you hear, to make you feel -- it is, before all, to make you see..." ~~ Joseph Conrad ~~ study
Back to top Go down
Penski
Moderator
Penski


Posts : 1804
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 62
Location : Northern California

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ... April 22   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Icon_minitimeSat Nov 23, 2019 8:20 pm

Kid4ever – Oh, a missing scene with Spencer.  I really liked Spencer.  Love Heyes’ line, “He’s been like a coiled rattler, ready to strike…”  Thaddeus missed a meal?  That’s not good.  Kid Curry would definitely ride out and shoot something when angry – good way to let off some steam.  Interesting how Spencer sees Thaddeus as one who thinks a lot, but chooses not to say what he’s thinking.  So Spencer is waiting for the Kid, too, but on the porch instead of in the room like Heyes.  Smiled with “because that’s how we get to where we’re going”.  Very in character for the Kid to be stoically silent during Spencer’s talk.  What wise man said “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”?  More good stuff with “a grudge handcuffs us to a negative past” and “without forgiveness, the mere thought of the person who has hurt us can send acid to our stomachs and sour it”.  Like that you have Spencer using Scripture, too.  Love the ending with Curry more at peace, hungry, and suggesting Spencer go back to the pulpit.  Awesome challenge!  
awsome

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
WichitaRed
Moderator
WichitaRed


Posts : 522
Join date : 2012-12-07
Location : Wichita

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ... April 22   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Icon_minitimeSun Nov 24, 2019 10:03 pm

Nightwalker: Grudges
This part was so good, I had to go back and re-read it. ///“Could be easily one of us alone in here...”  Busy hands stilled. Silence spread. Brown eyes and blue eyes met. Jed opened his mouth, but closed it again without voicing a word. Everything needed to be said was said by their glances. Silently he nodded and continued working on the mounds of potatoes.///
BRAVO! BRAVO!

And, WOW…..really great, ///“I’m glad, we’re not,” Han murmured as he remembered motionless bodies lying in the dirt.”///

Nice little peek into their lives story, thank you so much for sharing your work.


Kid4Ever: Grudges

How exciting a missing scene. Cool idea. I enjoyed Heyes’ insight of Kid that he gave to Spencer, Very Nicely Done.

Good piece of dialogue, brought a grin to my face, because I could see Heyes so clearly. //// “Maybe he didn't hear you?” he suggested.

“Oh, he heard me alright,” Heyes snapped////
Really liked you having Spencer say this, ////  However, I'd have to correct you about the thinking part. Thaddeus does do a lot of thinking, he just doesn't say what his thoughts are out loud like most folks. There's a lot going on inside that head of his that nobody would ever guess at, unless they were paying attention.”///// I often feel like Curry is given enough credit when it comes to this part of his personality. Well Done!

And, Spencer taking Kid to the Graveyard to discuss grudges. Brilliant, the whole discussion was well written.
Thank you for sharing your work

_________________
Wichita Red, "I'm not really a rebel, but I take chances. I have a good time, and I live life the way I want to live it."
Back to top Go down
http://www.redrockphotography.com
Penski
Moderator
Penski


Posts : 1804
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 62
Location : Northern California

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ... April 22   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Icon_minitimeMon Nov 25, 2019 9:18 pm

Wichita Red – Loving the visual of the wind coming up and the dry, brown leaves falling down like hard rain.  Kid Curry is grumbly in your challenge, too.  I can imagine that Devil’s Hole was the closest thing to a home that the Kid can remember.  Kinda sad, huh?  Thinking of amnesty and going back to the hole isn’t a good conversation to have.  Loving Kid’s line, “like you always say, grudges are for folks with bad stomachs, and other than being empty mine is in good shape.”  Thankfully, the boys have a little luck on their side as they enter town.  Loved this melancholy piece.   sm

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
Kid4ever

Kid4ever


Posts : 221
Join date : 2012-04-22
Location : A GYPSY IN THE USA

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ... April 22   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Icon_minitimeTue Nov 26, 2019 12:29 am

WichitaRed

With your words, I could feel the wind go right through me - brrrrr

Sounds as if Kid isn't the only one grousing.

It's gotta be hard being on the road in all kinds of bad weather, not much to eat and the cold, hard ground the only place to rest your head - I don't blame 'em for being disgruntled. It's been a long time since either of them had a place they could call home. Kid's just thinkin' out loud, trying to make sense of things. No wonder, it gets to him about how life could be if things were different.

While it's not a great topic, at least Kid gets it out what's bothering him. I really liked the line, 'Curry’s blue eyes held a haunted expression when he turned back.' Kinda blaming himself for the situation/lifestyle they're in.

Thanks for taking us along on a 'saddle talk' ride with them. It all sounded real natural, in character for what Heyes and Kid would think and say.

_________________
writing "My task, which I am trying to achieve is, by the power of the written word, to make you hear, to make you feel -- it is, before all, to make you see..." ~~ Joseph Conrad ~~ study
Back to top Go down
Kid4ever

Kid4ever


Posts : 221
Join date : 2012-04-22
Location : A GYPSY IN THE USA

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ... April 22   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Icon_minitimeSat Nov 30, 2019 7:43 pm

Penski:

I can tell there's trouble brewin' ahead, they're splittin' up again  Rolling Eyes

Cute bantering about the coin toss.

Uh, oh - there's a stranger watching them  Shocked  You've set the stage for all kinds of things to happen!

And Kid loses TWO coin tosses in one day? Poor guy!

Boy, that McKees fella is real bad news - treating Kid so rough  No  (Ladies, sounds like Kid is gonna need lots of TLC as he recuperates.)  sm

Love the part about how Heyes found Kid's hat - 'cos he thought Kid left it there as a clue. Kid's answer: "Huh, smarter than I thought." Made me grin, even though I was hurtin' for all the Kid went through.

Whew, glad Heyes was able to arrive in time to stop that horrible McKees from hurting Kid anymore.

Now we learn that Dick has an alias, too. Interesting plot twist. Way to keep us on our toes, Penski  two thumbs

Nice way to wrap things up with a HH plan guaranteed to confuse McKees.

Your challenge had me from the beginning and held me captive until the last word as I read through it to learn of Kid's fate. Thanks for sharing another entertaining adventure with us, Penski
applause

_________________
writing "My task, which I am trying to achieve is, by the power of the written word, to make you hear, to make you feel -- it is, before all, to make you see..." ~~ Joseph Conrad ~~ study
Back to top Go down
Calico

Calico


Posts : 873
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 59
Location : Birmingham

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ... April 22   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Icon_minitimeSun Dec 01, 2019 8:22 am



1) Nightwalker

Hello there Nightwalker. Here I am with my cup of tea looking forward to a few stories about grudges.

Awwww, young Jed is feeling put upon by the world. Let the Kidettes come mother him.
But they still have each other. Double Awww.

What a lovely little short that was, Nightwalker, thank you.


2) Kid4ever

Cheery wave to KidFour. Oooh, a lost scene – slurps tea happily.

So Kid is all mad and not back in the room. Where is he?

Ah, so dear, dear Spencer is going to give the Kid a ‘don’t hold a grudge’ talk. We all love Spencer. Like it says in Frozen, Kid… “Let it go, Let it go…”

Wise words indeed KidFour


3) WichitaRed

Hello there Wichita – are you enjoying your current bandanna?? I hope it is warm and snuggly. (Keep having to defrost my car over here.)

Ah! So the boys are all cold too. They have my entire sympathy. Brrrrr.

Poor old Kid. He needs to start singing his cowboy song about having no home.

So, it was Grandpa Curry who first said grudges were for folks with bad stomachs. I can see that


4) Penski

Oh, Kid. You can’t even win a coin toss with your own coin.

Oooo-eeeer!! Someone is after the Kid. And, our darling Kid is protecting his partner.

Huzzah!! Heyes to the rescue! Be very careful of any gals who do want to nurse you back to health, Kid/ They could want to keep you in their cellars.

What a good take on the prompt that was, Penski. Our boys looking out for one another.
Back to top Go down
WichitaRed
Moderator
WichitaRed


Posts : 522
Join date : 2012-12-07
Location : Wichita

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ... April 22   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Icon_minitimeSun Dec 01, 2019 9:43 am

Penski: Grudges
Moment you read they are separating, you already know one of them is in for a terrible day. I find myself wondering if you did an actual coin flip to choose who was to have this terrible day. Man, oh, man really disliking McKee who is a blood money hunter, which is worse than a bounty hunter, because he actually knows the people he is tracking. The way he is treating Curry just burns, and when Heyes puts that pistol to the base of his neck, I could not help but smile. A really great tale, you held me entranced, my mind focuse on each new sentence as it rolled out. Great job!

_________________
Wichita Red, "I'm not really a rebel, but I take chances. I have a good time, and I live life the way I want to live it."
Back to top Go down
http://www.redrockphotography.com
Sponsored content





Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ... April 22   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... April 22 - Page 4 Icon_minitime

Back to top Go down
 
Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ... April 22
Back to top 
Page 4 of 16Go to page : Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 10 ... 16  Next
 Similar topics
-
» Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to 30 April 19
» Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014
» Awestruck Comments
» Awestruck Comments - from 2nd May 2022
» Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Alias Smith and Jones Writers  :: The Writing Spot :: The Story Challenge :: Awestruck Comments-
Jump to: