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 Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...

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calicole
Gan Ainm
Remuda
Nebraska Wildfire
InsideOutlaw
WichitaRed
sistergrace
Maz
Kid4ever
Dan Ker
Nightwalker
MoulinP
Penski
Calico
RosieAnnie
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rachel_74_1

rachel_74_1

Posts : 62
Join date : 2020-06-29
Age : 47
Location : United Kingdom

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... - Page 11 Icon_minitimeSun Mar 21, 2021 4:18 am

Penski wrote:
Rachel 741 - I really loved this story.  Amnesty was an end all, especially for the fastest gun in the west.  I can see folks accepting Heyes more than Curry.  I held my breath until Heyes jumped up and joined his partner saying he would leave, too (good man, Heyes).  Really showed the connection between the partners... well, once Heyes' eyes were opened.  This was a wonderful line - Because now as he played the last few weeks back with new eyes, everything clicked into place like the tumblers on a Brooker.  Wonderful take on the prompt! two thumbs

The original version of the story I wrote, actually had Kid leaving by himself! But I just couldn't do it. I know Heyes is usually more observant, but I felt he might have been a bit distracted with amnesty. Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for commenting.

_________________
The happiest conversation is that of which nothing is distinctly remembered but a general effect of pleasing impression.
Samuel Johnson

Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were. But without it we go nowhere.
Carl Sagan

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nm131

nm131

Posts : 155
Join date : 2012-05-04
Location : New Jersey, USA

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... - Page 11 Icon_minitimeSun Mar 28, 2021 6:53 pm

Racheal 741 - Amnesty as the gift horse was a very inventive use of the prompt. It's amazing how two different people can be in the same situation with vastly different experiences. Curry's thoughts that he might have a better chance in the growing city of Denver is probably correct, although, I've always thought of Heyes as more comfortable in a urban setting. I'm glad you had Heyes look back through Kid's eyes and offer to go with him instead of Kid just up and leaving. Thank you for the story.

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Calico

Calico

Posts : 760
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 56
Location : Birmingham

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... - Page 11 Icon_minitimeThu Apr 01, 2021 10:01 am

1) Rachel

Hello there Rachel. Do I have my tea? I do – let us begin.

Oh, poor Kid. He’s so affable big dogs come and lick him – but, no one wants to talk to him here. Indeed, I always feel amnesty will be followed by a ‘Now What?’ period of deflation. What a lovely short that was, Rachel. The boys caring for each other but never veering into sappy. Dear Kid, you will find your niche.


2) Penski

Ah, our VS Mistress and faithful Challenge stalwart.

Well, all I can say about that very visual escape is – I don’t want to see the boys’ cougar hunting again now a big pussy cat has done them such a favour.

Charlie is so nice and the boys’ are having such a good luck run that, bearing in mind the challenge title, I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Oh dear. Griff has embarrassed himself. I’m afraid I feel sorry for anyone getting that scared.

How lovely was Charlie? Nice character. Mind you, I am still clapping that cougar.
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rachel_74_1

rachel_74_1

Posts : 62
Join date : 2020-06-29
Age : 47
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... - Page 11 Icon_minitimeThu Apr 01, 2021 10:31 am

Penski.  Very much enjoyed that. Definitely cougar hunting should be off the boys job list.  Charlie was super lovely.

_________________
The happiest conversation is that of which nothing is distinctly remembered but a general effect of pleasing impression.
Samuel Johnson

Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were. But without it we go nowhere.
Carl Sagan
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RosieAnnie

RosieAnnie

Posts : 832
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 102
Location : The Comfy Chair

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... - Page 11 Icon_minitimeThu Apr 01, 2021 1:29 pm

Rachel_74_1: Nothing like having a friend who will support you, even when you give him an out. The characters feel true: Curry, a little reticent, keeping his feelings to himself until they spill over. And Heyes, a little full of himself, having such a good time that he doesn't see his friend is struggling.

Penski: Heyes better start paying attention to Curry' premonitions. Maybe I'm seeing too much here, but I think you've illustrated the stress our boys are under, every day. Anybody from the past can turn up, and you never know if or how that person has changed. Maybe Griff was a louse back in the day, but he wasn't a bounty hunter. And then there's Charlie, who lives very simply but has no desire to improve his lot by turning in his old friends for the money. I don't think there are a lot of Charlie's in the AS&J world.

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"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly."

"The failure in doing something is stopping too soon."
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nm131

nm131

Posts : 155
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Location : New Jersey, USA

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... - Page 11 Icon_minitimeMon Apr 19, 2021 5:19 pm

Penski - - Very apt, for the prompt. Kid just don't look right without his gun and he would never turn down a gift of a gun no matter if it's a little iffy. Charlie was a good friend and Griff is the lowest of the low kind of menace and a coward, too.
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RosieAnnie

RosieAnnie

Posts : 832
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Age : 102
Location : The Comfy Chair

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... - Page 11 Icon_minitimeThu Apr 29, 2021 8:44 am

Penski: Great use of the prompt. I love that sheriff's name, too "Buford Justice." Perfect! I'm going to fault Heyes in this instance for making the mistake of making assumptions. As a wanted fugitive from the law, he ought to be a lot more paranoid before strolling into a town after several months absence. Anything could have changed, and in this case, something very important changed, and he, and the gang, were caught unawares. Thank goodness he and the rest of the DHG have made friends among the ordinary citizens of the town, or the gang would've spent a lot more nights in those unpleasant, stinky conditions.

_________________
"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly."

"The failure in doing something is stopping too soon."

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RosieAnnie

RosieAnnie

Posts : 832
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... - Page 11 Icon_minitimeThu Apr 29, 2021 4:26 pm

NM131: Another good use of the prompt! Poor Kid, he doesn't know why he's being recruited for the Sheriff's job, but he knows something's not right. He inadvertently made himself look better by his honest card playing and how he responded to the recruiters; yeah, he got hired by a good man, but, as he says, he got fired too. That's being honest. I have a feeling the secret about a sheriff's life expectancy in Grants will be out soon.

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"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly."

"The failure in doing something is stopping too soon."
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Penski
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Penski

Posts : 1622
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Location : Northern California

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... - Page 11 Icon_minitimeThu Apr 29, 2021 7:57 pm

nm131 - What a great beginning of a story!  Are you sure you're already half way done because it sure seems like you could write a lot more.  Loved how you began with the different funerals and the time frame.  Cute line with Curry saying the rancher may have hired me, but he also fired me.  And <<POOF>> Kid Curry is the sheriff of Grants, NM!  

hatgun

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"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
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Kid4ever

Kid4ever

Posts : 217
Join date : 2012-04-22
Location : A GYPSY IN THE USA

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... - Page 11 Icon_minitimeFri Apr 30, 2021 2:18 pm

Okie dokie, now that I got my challenge posted, I can sit back  coffee relax, study  read the other challenges  reading  and make some comments... writing

Penski: Oh, you clever writer you!  cowboyclap  Sneaking those "Smokey and the Bandit" characters into your challenge was such a fun  surprise2  to find nestled in among the rest of the 'good stuff'. I love those movies!

Well, I guess not all is good - poor Kid No It's gotta be tough to be sick and still have to rob something! draw

I have to agree with RosieAnnie - Heyes really should have checked out the town before riding in, especially since Kid wasn't there to watch his back. Maybe Heyes will be more careful next time?

Boy, Sheriff Justice sure is a no-nonsense kinda lawman - definitely not good for the gang.

It's a good thing Heyes' silver tongue didn't desert him when he told the sheriff where Kid was.

Those conditions in the jail had me  Laughing as I imagined Heyes stuck in there with the rest of the DHG - everyone eating beans for all their meals, only one bucket... Shocked And to top it all off, Heyes without his coffee - yikes!

Aw, Kid's feeling better, gets to be the hero and come to their rescue horsie He came up with a great plan, too.

I love how nobody noticed that the Kid wasn't at the Hole and how Curry finally made his way back. Sounds like it must've been one heck of a ride! bronc Great way to end the challenge. cowboyclap

_________________
writing "My task, which I am trying to achieve is, by the power of the written word, to make you hear, to make you feel -- it is, before all, to make you see..." ~~ Joseph Conrad ~~ study

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Kid4ever

Kid4ever

Posts : 217
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Location : A GYPSY IN THE USA

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... - Page 11 Icon_minitimeFri Apr 30, 2021 2:53 pm

Next up is...

nm131: What a great beginning with all the imagery!  applause I felt like I was right there.

Wow, that's a lot of lawmen to lose in such a short period of time - sheesh! That's a great set-up with the time frame and the funerals, too. Gives the reader a good visual of how things are.

Boy, does that town ever have a large assortment of big problems - no wonder the sheriffs have such short lives! And I have to say, I can't blame anyone for not wanting to be the law in that town, either.

And right into this mess ride Heyes and Kid  No  not a good deal.

I'm really enjoying this set-up as things begin to get into place. I've a good idee where this is heading... Yep, wham, bam, thank you, ma'am and Kid Curry is the new sheriff of Grants before he even knows what happened! Those two men are great hustlers.

I'm looking forward to reading  study  the next part to see what kinda trouble you'll write the Kid into and how he and Heyes will deal with it.

I do have to agree with Penski - I think there's the potential for more than just a second part. In fact, I would go so far as to say that you could turn this into a really awesome Virtual Season story for next year  cowboyclap Hint, hint... Very Happy

_________________
writing "My task, which I am trying to achieve is, by the power of the written word, to make you hear, to make you feel -- it is, before all, to make you see..." ~~ Joseph Conrad ~~ study
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Penski
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Penski

Posts : 1622
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 60
Location : Northern California

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... - Page 11 Icon_minitimeFri Apr 30, 2021 4:30 pm

Kid4Ever - What a great take on the prompt - I LOVE that you used Lom becoming a sheriff! All of Porterville was speculating on who the new sheriff might be. It's amazing that you came up with so many names for the townsfolk and their guess for sheriff. Some were awful close to Lom Trevors so may have heard his name. Good idea that Lom was honest and told the people his history included being an outlaw. Yep, if the governor, mayor, and town council approved, they should, too. Aww... Lom and Caroline Porter got married! And you gave Heyes and the Kid amnesty and families. LOVED the ending! So glad you decided to join in on the fun of writing about a new sheriff in town! applause

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"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
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RosieAnnie

RosieAnnie

Posts : 832
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 102
Location : The Comfy Chair

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... - Page 11 Icon_minitimeFri Apr 30, 2021 5:06 pm

Kid4ver: Another great take on the prompt! I love how you started the story with everyone in town gossiping, speculating, the different people in their different places. It wasn't until one of the characters got Lom's name almost right that I realized where you were going. Of course Lom was smart enough and forthright enough to tell the story of his criminal past first, so that everyone knew his history accurately. The account executives at the p.r. agency where I used to work would absolutely approve. Nice, too, that we end up with a happy, familial scene. Very enjoyable story.

_________________
"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly."

"The failure in doing something is stopping too soon."
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rachel_74_1

rachel_74_1

Posts : 62
Join date : 2020-06-29
Age : 47
Location : United Kingdom

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... - Page 11 Icon_minitimeFri Apr 30, 2021 11:17 pm

Nm131. Great story. Loved the way you wrote such different funerals.  Really vividly shown. Poor Kid. Straight into trouble. Looking fwd to the next half.
Penski. Unforgivable lack of prep on Heyes's part. He is so over confident sometimes. Lol. Great story and wonderful ending.
KID4EVER. Enjoyed this. Great look back at how Lom became sheriff. Love that he married Ms Porter. Very happy the boys got their happy ever after.

_________________
The happiest conversation is that of which nothing is distinctly remembered but a general effect of pleasing impression.
Samuel Johnson

Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were. But without it we go nowhere.
Carl Sagan

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Calico

Calico

Posts : 760
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Age : 56
Location : Birmingham

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... - Page 11 Icon_minitimeSat May 01, 2021 4:53 am

1) Penski
Hello there lovely Penski…

Oooh, we have Kid with shivery shivers (is it about six hours after his first jab? ‘Cos – if that’s it, he’ll be fine after a nap. Smile.)


Now Penski – you do know we ladies over the pond have a long established lovable cartoon canine called ‘Fred Bassett’ ?

Hmmm… Will Fred have been replaced by someone keen? I guess the clue is in the title.


Oh dear, a competent sheriff taking precautions.
BUT – not quite competent enough when suddenly excited. 

It worked!!! Kid, you are a hero – go take a nap.



2) nm131
Hello there lovely NM…

Ooh, a two parter. I will brace myself for a cliff hanger.

I am loving – in a good way – the introduction of the three unfortunate Sheriff outcomes in Grant.

Our boys have been recognised! Pom pom pom music plays.
And they’ve been split up – music intensifies.

Dear Kid. He get’s to be Sheriff so often he must be sending out ‘lawman’ vibes.

NM… now you made us all want to visit the place, and we’re still not really allowed out very far. Tut. 



3) Kid4ever

Hello there bunk buddy.

Yeah! It is 4th July …the boys like a few of those every year.

A single Sheriff in town – time to get bonnets trimmed. (Well, we do want to see him first.)

Is it? Is it? Is it my favourite Sheriff – he really is a Treasure.

Oh, this is lovely, Kid – seeing Lom arrive in Porterville and being so upfront with everyone.
And a peep into the future when THREE amnestied outlaws are all doing well.

Aww.
AWWW!
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nm131

nm131

Posts : 155
Join date : 2012-05-04
Location : New Jersey, USA

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... - Page 11 Icon_minitimeSat May 01, 2021 2:10 pm

Kid4ever - What a fun challenge story. I absolutely loved the various names that the town's people had as the sheriff's name, especially since I find coming up with names one of the most difficult challenges to writing. Lom's a good man and it took guts to stand up there and admit to his past in front of people who he naturally wanted to make a good first impression on. The epilogue was a nice touch to see all our favorite western men amnestied, married and with families. Thanks for the enjoyable read.

P.S. I think I'll take your suggestion and jettison what I wrote for part two and make a VS story out of it. It may take me that long to get it finished and this way I won't punk out like I did last year, never quite finishing a story.
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Penski
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Penski

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... - Page 11 Icon_minitimeThu May 13, 2021 7:27 am

nm131 - I was hoping you'd write a challenge with this prompt and you didn't disappoint. It was wonderful meeting the young Curry family and seeing how Heyes fit into it all still as a partner. Poor Kid - you really do hurt the one you love! You have him get diphtheria, be operated on the kitchen table, and have Heyes & Wheat take care of him. Wonderful story, as always! two thumbs

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"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
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rachel_74_1

rachel_74_1

Posts : 62
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... - Page 11 Icon_minitimeThu May 13, 2021 11:16 am

nm131: Great story. Loved seeing Jed in a good place (illness apart of course.) after Terms. Really enjoyed seeing how Heyes fits into the Curry family. Wheat and Kyle on hand to help too.

_________________
The happiest conversation is that of which nothing is distinctly remembered but a general effect of pleasing impression.
Samuel Johnson

Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were. But without it we go nowhere.
Carl Sagan
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EleanorW

EleanorW

Posts : 51
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Age : 98
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... - Page 11 Icon_minitimeThu May 13, 2021 12:20 pm

nm131 - What an intense story, and educational too! Love Wheat and Kyle being employed at the ranch. Nice that Jed has a family and a nice home and a good business along with Heyes,and that he has his own rooms at their home. A very enjoyable read.

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Dan Ker



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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... - Page 11 Icon_minitimeSun May 16, 2021 4:28 am

nm131


What an interesting read!

At first I was a little confused by all the different names belonging to your universe.
Though I have read "Terms", I wasn't aware it is followed by a complete universe.
I'm glad that Kid obviously overcame the impacts he suffered from at the end of "Terms", though it is no secret that at the time I finished "Terms", I would have said it would never be possible for him to cure his traumatic experiences, I would never have thought he would be able to end up with a bunch of children...

I'm always delighted to read and learn something about medical treatment in the 19/early 20th century and of course curiosity won over me and I asked Mr Google about diphtheria by myself, before I saw you added it below your story.
I felt with all of them standing around the table during the delicate operation. For persons who are not accustomed to watch an operation it must be a terrible experience, which will probably stay in their mind for a longer time.
I like the idea that Kid offered Wheat and Kyle a job on his ranch. It's very believable to imagine that under Wheat's rough exterior there is a good part of compassion hidden. And a sweet idea to think of Kyle having a fine way to handle children.
Maybe I didn't interpret correctly, but am I right that Heyes still isn't convinced of Wheat's loyalty? I always thought it was Kid who was more suspicious about him...

A very good idea for the prompt. A little scaring with our present background of Covid patients, who suffer from nearly suffocating.
Thank you very much for your story.
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EleanorW

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... - Page 11 Icon_minitimeMon May 31, 2021 11:21 am

Penski:   Loved this story. Dramatic and amusing too. Loved where Kyle sniffed the ether and passed out sm  Well done!

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nm131

nm131

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... - Page 11 Icon_minitimeMon May 31, 2021 11:55 am

Penski - Great story, very fast paced, with suspense, drama and humor.
Loved Kid asking "Don’t you havta take some kinda hypocrite oath about savin’ all folks?” - You don't know how many times this has crossed an OR nurse's mind over the years. It was cute to have Kyle sniff the ether and pass out. The doctor was a nice mix of professionalism and humorous self interest

It is sad to think of how many people died of appendicitis, leading to ruptured appendix and peritonitis prior to the late 1880's. Now it's one of the most common surgeries in the US and is done laparoscopically (through a laparoscope) in less than an hour total OR room time; the surgery itself takes 30-40 minutes usually. The patients go home either that night or the next day. According to the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality (AHRQ) APs are the eleventh most common surgery in the US for the last year I could find statistics for.

Thanks for the good read.

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Penski
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Penski

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... - Page 11 Icon_minitimeTue Jun 01, 2021 7:13 pm

Kid4Ever - What a lovely tale! There's a lot of wonderful lines in this challenge. Poor Kid! I've had a huge sliver, too, but not that bad. Cute how he hid it from Heyes, however, his partner knew something was up. So sweet when Heyes crouched down in front of his cousin and talked him into showing him what's wrong. Not watching does help, huh, Kid. So glad you got inspired to write a challenge - LOVED it! two thumbs

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"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
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Dan Ker



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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... - Page 11 Icon_minitimeThu Jun 03, 2021 4:03 am

Penski

Nice story of a disease, which could have turned out badly.
I loved the doctor's ride on the spirited horse. If you aren't skilled in riding, it can be really scary..
I'm glad Kid didn't force the doctor at gunpoint to accompany him to his sick partner.
Money as an incentive works in most of the cases.
For the doctor the complicated operation was worthwhile. He could gather experience. He was brave to give it a try, maybe he thought better a dead outlaw than the mayor's daughter dying in case he failed.
It's great how much he bothered about sterility. He made the most out of the situation and kept calm.
I guess the next time the curious Kyle will be more careful to sniff at a cloth full of ether..


Kid4ever

What a funny story!
Could have been taken out of real life easily.
What is worse, carpeting or riding drag? With carpeting the hammer meeting fingers isn't the only dangerous thing obviously...

Fine rephrasing of the line "you worry about staying on your horse and I'll worry about staying on mine."
What bad luck and embarrassing that exactly the last board was full of splinters. Good description of the scene, that's exactly the way a person would react if it happened. I liked especially that Kid repressed any sound of pain.
Anyway, even a tough gunman feels pain, if he is hit by a bullet (or a hammer) ot a mean splinter... But it could definitely be embarrassing to admit it. And so it's absolutely believable how hard he tries to hide it from his sharp tongued partner.
Very enjoyable old couple feeling by the way.
Wonderful his decision to come up with a plan "A plan tgst didn't involve Heyes or anything sharp."
To avoid additional pain is so human...
It's funny that his mind is so busy with it tgst he almost forgot it's his gun hand, which has to be ready to use any time.
I guess there are a lot Mother's digging out splinters with a needle.... Common practice.
Funny to see despite all efforts Kid isn't able to deceive his partner.
I just hope he didn't get an infection by the time... Or is his warm forehead and bad stomach due to the fear of a possible "delicate operation" carried out by Heyes' dexterous fingers?
Lovely thought "A scar to be considered like a survivor's badge of courage". According to the amount of scars from former injuries, their body's have to show a lot....
Enjoyable read.

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EleanorW

EleanorW

Posts : 51
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 98
Location : UK

Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... - Page 11 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... - Page 11 Icon_minitimeThu Jun 03, 2021 8:24 am

Kid4ever: A very entertaining story that put me in mind of a large splinter I had go right down inside my fingernail years ago, so I could imagine Kid being wary of anyone attempting to take it out, let alone Heyes. Enjoyed reading it.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ...   Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019  to ... - Page 11 Icon_minitime

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