Awestruck comments - May 1st 2019 to ... April 22

Penski: Thinking about your story, I realize that the real "luck" belongs to the DHG, although they don't know it. The DHG thinks they are unlucky because they weren't able to complete the job. In reality, they are lucky because they avoided a confrontation with Bessie. They'll never know, of course. And didn't somebody else -- I don't recall who -- in which the DHG starts out a job on a Friday, and that's bad luck in itself. Nothing to do with Friday the 13th. Anyway, thanks for making me think!

Kid 4Ever: And now you go and make me think, too! Who are the father and son? Or is Jade reading the future, some story that has yet to be written? (Maybe by you? Maybe it should be a future challenge?) My only disappointment is that Curry didn't get his cards read, too!

Wichita Red

If there's something to make my eyes start sparkling it's an outraged Kid,who tries to calm himself down...
Very good the idea that of course the only one daring to approach him in this kind of mood is his partner. I loved their whole battle of words, so funny.
After handling Kid Heyes is forced to fulfill the unpleasant task of informing the other gang members about them leaving for a few days, sometimes a leader has to fight a fire on all fronts...
Unfortunately they stumble from one misery to the next, not one of their best days...
I like it that you describe Heyes as always being the suspicious one, not so easily blinded by the sight of a beautiful woman like Kid.
Very good your emphasizing of Kids shooting only to hurt and to avert the imminent danger, in contrast of Doc Holliday(?).
Interesting your implementation of the prompt: Doc Holliday sees himself by helping Lotti as her good luck charm. Lotti, however, regards him more as being her lucky number 13, luck and trouble together. Sophisticated, I would say... Well done!
And the boys? From bad to worse, Heyes plan wasn't supposed to end like that. They will have to enlarge their hideout soon... For the sake of peace and quiet.
A funny and exciting story.


Penski

Oh, Kid assesses the DHG to be superstitious and he's right!
They may be not the brightest men in the West but as a matter of fact they can read a calendar and number 13 is a bad omen.
I like the way you make Heyes' body language speaks volumes. The leader wants to get his way... With a foolproof plan.
But he hasn't  expected Lucky Engine 13 and its experienced conductor.
For some people 13 is a lucky number,  for example for the mentioned above.
The members of the DHG experience the bad side of the number 13, especially on a Friday it's bound to be bad luck.
Everything goes wrong and even the  weather is'nt on their side.

Very good to end one paragraph with a description and to start a new paragraph with the same sentence to demonstrate a similar action in another place at the same time line.

I especially like how you emphasize the double meaning of 13, luck and bad luck. One man's meat ist another man's poison.

And my namesake makes a good impression, isn't he? I'm just glad that there was no need for Bessie to take  action... Unfortunately they will never know how lucky they were!


Kid4ever

Your introduction to the story could be described with the question ' Is the glass half-full or half- empty?' Typical scene, Heyes the more optimistic one seeing the bright side of life for the moment, and Kid isn't able to acknowledge none of them, just seeing what's missing. Absolutely in character.
In the course of the story the atmosphere changes completely twice.
Kid, in remembrance of his childhood days, manages to keep his belief in supernatural things. All of a sudden his point of view is positive now.
Heyes, in this case the more realistic poker player, weighs the odds and surmises a con game. Now he's the one who sees the negative side of life.
Very good how you point out that with each foretelling Heyes' doubts diminish and he reacts with a postural change. This way acknowledging that Jude isn't completely wrong by mentioning some things of his past and his present, and step by step he's wondering whether there might be some truth in the future things.

You implement the prompt in The Death Card. It is synonymous with the line of life they strive to cross.
On one side death, on the other side something completely new.
I like it that Heyes is taken by surprise by the fortune teller. And, even further, that you make him admit his changing attitude to Kid.
Interesting story!

RosieAnnie – It’s so good to meet Wheat and Kyle again. They make such unequal partner, yet they work perfectly together. Nevertheless, they share a distinct kind of logic and a particular way to look at things.
Bad things happen when they split up? to be honest I don’t dare to imagine that. They are bad enough together ;-)
It’s interesting to learn more about their background. I like Wheat being of Swedish origin and as part of a (once?) big family. When things run bad, he showed more than once that he has a big heart somewhere underneath the rough cover of his behavior.
I see why you added a note telling us that you won’t write more in this story line. It sure is an interesting scenario with lovely characters which will readers make wish for more.
Me too.

WichitaRed – Wow, Heyes knows for sure how to heat up his partner when he’s already close to the boiling point. He even annoyed me, and his casual stance makes it even worse!
The sorer the Kid gets the merrier becomes Heyes. It seems to be just a matter of time until Heyes will finally cross the line and gets the punishment he’s asking for. I love how well he knows his partner and how to handle him, drawing his thoughts away from the original cause. I can almost see them standing there, arguing.
I love the way they solve (or dodge) the problem for a while and the introduction of Jenny as well as the sudden explosion of action when they run into the bounty hunter, acting perfectly as one again.
It’s nice they meet Doc Holiday who finally solves the bounty-hunter-problem.  I seem to recall they met him first late in season two, but since not all of us watch these episodes and the series is inconsistent anyway, I was just a little surprised, but didn’t mind it.
As the boys’ luck usually runs, they get out of the tight spot unharmed, but find nothing like the anticipated relaxion before they have to hit the road again.
Very believable plot in the scope of the series and a lovely story.

Penski – Two parties are getting ready for a very special train trip: Luck 13 carrying $20,000 on Friday 13th. Both have high expectations but only one of them can succeed. The good message is, that nobody’s hurt in the end, except someone’s pride. I assume it’s strong enough to heal up rapidly. Wonderful idea.

Kid4ever – You captured the boys spot on again. Especially I love your dialogues.
Heyes’ line “we couldn’t possibly get into trouble in a circus” gave me a little shiver. I bet those two can get into trouble just everywhere – the question is just how serious – or hilarious – it will be. They really were lucky this time to get out of it without trouble, but some things to think about.
Asking a fortune teller is always a risk. Sometime you get to hear things you wouldn’t want to know, or things you already knew but tried to deny.
I love Jade’s self-confidence meeting Heyes’ cockiness. The card reading session is just wonderful.
Thanks to all who were involved to bring this little gem to life.

RosieAnnieUSA
I like the rhythm of your storytelling, it just pulls the reader right in and reads beautifully for it did not feel over the 3,000 word limit in the least.
I like the way Tom noticed they had a whole conversation without saying anything at all.
Boy howdy, hearing about Colorado winters for the first time would make you fall silent, especially the situation these folks are in, and before Thaddeus said so, I had a gut feeling the supply/wood was not in good shape. Just love how they snuck the gold pieces to the family, and that even now they repay the families of Smith and Jones. Good read, thanks of sharing.

1) WichitaRed

Hello there Wichita Red…

Oooh, so Heyes and Curry are still trapped in the pleasure house.

And both our boys are being led astray by ladies upstairs. But, will it be enough to keep them hidden from the Sherriff??

I am supposing we get another instalment next month, Red??


2) RosieAnnie

Ahah - one of our current bandanny wearers and a story not for polling.

Oooh, so which of our two boys built up a Ranch? Or… reading on… is it someone else?
Yup someone else.
Our boys are the mysterious visitors.

So Pa will be snowed up away from home for a while. Awww, our boys are being so protective. I’m really enjoying this RosieAnnie… feeling all warm hearted.

Yelp – just come to the present left in the coffee… Awwww. That was an absolute pleasure, Rosie.

3) Penski

Just the one wire dodger this month – our ever reliable Penski

Its not a cannon is it??? You’re not going to let lovely Kyle play with a cannon??

Kyle is not exactly discrete, is he?

Brick and his mortar – snirt.

And it worked!!! (Note to readers – Do NOT try that at home.)

Very amusing Miss Penski

February --

Wichita Red; There's a lot of tension here, everyone seems to be angling for dominance and power, and only occasionally, some calming words happening. This is a really nice build-up to what I am guessing will be the next scene, where either everyone gets away or there are some real confrontations.

Penski: What a clever play on the prompt! It led you to a very amusing story of the outlaw days. I definitely enjoyed how Kyle made a new friend.

WichitaRed – I can see I can see why the Kid and Doc wouldn’t get along too well.  You put the boys in a petty difficult situation. For some reason it seems to be easier for Kid Curry to adjust to it, taking the good with the bad and making the best of it. Heyes is far more suspicious this time not ready to wait and relax. Can the boys really trust Lottie and Doc in this matter?

RosieAnnieUSA – Oh my, poor family getting caught in a snowstorm without enough preparation. The first winter is quite a dangerous thing for unexperienced folks. So lucky that two friendly ex-outlaws appeared just in time with lots of advice and willing to help out. It’s a lovely tradition the family started afterwards, remembering their kind guests and helping others in need.

Penski – It’s very believable that the Devil’s Hole gang would be well-liked guests in some towns, granting prosperous times for local businesses. And usually the do behave in a way I take it, at least with only little gunplay and negligible danger for townsfolks. In addition, I would expect that the local bank was sacrosanct and therefor pretty safe.
I just love your take on the “brick and mortar” prompt. It really makes for a great distraction and I bet Kyle had the best time of his life.

Good one, Penski! I really enjoyed seeing the gang through the eyes of strangers. Your other characters came to life nicely and their observations and reactions to the robbery underscored how well our ‘modern day Robin Hoods’ did their jobs

1) Penski

Hello there Virtual Season Mistress and stand by catflap opener – smile.
Yes, indeed – first out of the gate!!

Oh, I think Anna is getting an English Appreciation Lady dream, being held up by handsome outlaws. An authentic experience you might say.

Dear Kyle – go on, let him use all of it.

Oh, Henry – you are taking the edge off for young Bobby there.

Awww…. That was most enjoyable, Penski – what a very, very, civilised robbery!!


AND two wire dodgers!!

2) Hello there Remuda

Good heavens – we have a proper sea-dog here, mateys.
And dear old Kid gets a chance to help out with his fast draw.

Will he get just as lucky on his second hand do we think.
Ahoy there Remuda, thank you for channelling a little taste of the ocean to us.



3) InsideOutlaw

Hello to you, InsideOutlaw

I must say – the boys are pots calling kettles black criticising Wheat for using their names out loud. They’ve been known to do that!

A telephone. Heyes will like that. Ooooh – and his rival is a marshal – he might not like that so much.

Heyes, you’ve got her all fired up, haven’t you? Clever! And it’s getting very steamy preparatory to them making up. Snirt. And all’s well that ends well.

Loving Kid’s line about enjoying trying to understand women. Ooooh, double clever – telephones making HH think about amnesty!! Of course, we don’t really know how much time passes between meeting Miss Birdie and visiting Lom.

March challenges

Penski: First out of the gate! I like the "fish out of water" viewpoint provided by this brother-sister pair from England. Anna got to experience more of the West than she anticipated. Bobby is our guide and narrator of a sort; his habit of reading dime novels makes him an expert on the DHG. You also show us how careless the gang members were about letting people see their faces, which led to our heroes being easily identified later while they were seeking amnesty.

Remuda: Another fish out of water! (Ha ha, I made a sailor joke!) And he saw a bit of gunplay drama, too. Looks like he's going to dive in again.

Inside Outlaw: I think I know which photograph you saw, that inspired you. Thank goodness it did! Heyes got past the novelty pretty quick, didn't he? That logical brain of his leaped to an inspired conclusion, and he clearly saw what this invention meant for his business.

And I can't forget Kid 4ver! I was one of the people who asked for Kid's reading. I'm glad you followed up! Very enjoyable story, and I especially appreciate the final line. Yes, that Death card can be pretty darn scary when it appears in a reading.

Penski -  I love to meet the Devil’s Hole Gang in their heydays. What an adventure, maybe even an honor, for the passengers of the train to be robbed by these men. Heyes and Curry make it almost an entertaining and pleasurable event. It was good to see preacher being with them, too. I’d really love to learn more about him.

Remuda – Love the sailor. He seems to be pretty excited for sure. How wouldn’t, given the opportunity for a game with our boys? It’s only for the Kid that the evening didn’t turn ugly. I’m glad he was there to keep an eye on things.

InsideOutlaw – Oh my, Wheat is happening again. That was about my first thought, but it was only a harmless discovery he made. At least it seemed so at first.
I love the way Kid Curry is always alert and assessing the situation even in a relative secure place. I can understand Heyes’s excitement when he gets the chance to check out that ultra-modern device, they found in such an unexpected place. It’s so easy to imagine his joyful face – at least for the short time it lasts. The second surprise – to learn who’s at the other end of the line – made him everything but happy.
I couldn’t believe it that he took it as a prompt to fall out with the mistress of the house. He knows her occupation, so what did he expect? I’m just glad he worked his magic again. He surely enjoys playing with dangerous things - whether it’s dynamite or women – and he knows very well how to handle both.
But the boys learned their lesson well and come to a most famous conclusion in the end.

Kid4ever – Alright, I’m one of those who loved the first story and were mighty curious about what the cards would say about Kid Curry. Only after a few sentences you had me worrying about his subdued mood and Heyes’s absence.
I can understand very well why Kid Curry feels uncomfortable during the card reading, even more considering the first card that drew his attention. The pictures on tarot cards can be quite disturbing and talking about death may concern everyone despite the actual meaning of the card.
I’m glad Jade is so gentle and patient with the Kid. One just has to love her. And of course, it was important for him to hear her interpretation of the cards.
In the end you answered all our questions and gave us the perfect ending to a really enjoyable story.

Penski

Beautiful idea to describe a hold up done by the DHG out of the view of passengers.
This way the pair of English siblings sure get an involuntary impression of the roughness of the Wild West.
But they are lucky to experience they are treated rough but cordially.

Sometimes it needs a child to draw attention to the fact that you're facing a legend out of a known dime novel..

With your story you enable the reader to simply watch the regular procedure of the DHG. You remind us of their principles by summarizing some important points:
To be polite to the passangers, ensure their safety, watch out for passengers who try to be a hero, never rob the passengers personal things.

Love to see Heyes in action, shouting out orders, making sure everything is taken care of. Sweet the way he confirms he's learned his lesson to control Kyle's enthusiasm for dynamite.

Very good, that at the same time, you make us sensible to the moral of the story with your sentence:
" Good people will be hurt badly by these losses. Livelihoods are at risk when people lose much."

A pair of Knaves (rogues), sometimes noble as a knave, and sometimes behaving as Knaves of hearts..
Well done implementation.


Remuda

Poor, old sailor.
What made you stumble into the Wild West?
On first sight you don't belong to this world.
Playing poker is a serious business. And not everyone is friendly. Love to see Kids fast draw, and how he's able to settle things.

I don't know if I'm on the right way with my interpretation of your prompt. It took me a while to understand that there could be a double meaning in the word "Knaves".
For the sailor there are more than one pair of Knaves in this game.
A) The pair he's got in his hand and
B) The man sitting to Heyes ' right side who threatens him together with Kids menacing gesture with his gun. Both represent the violent kind of Knaves.
C) Heyes' acting in a conciliating manner as well as with his decision to stop the game by folding in and avoiding any kind of further trouble. The dealer tries to get everyone in a friendlier mood by proposing to start a new game. He wants to stand to the rules but in the opinion of the sailor both men try to steal his "winning pair of Knaves" with their simple decision to end the game.

I like your last sentence, when the sailor says he's going to play with his sails down, if that's what's expected of him. In contrast to an impressing sailing ship with hoisted sail.
But the idea of poker is another. That's the idea behind it...


InsideOutlaw

The outlaw leader of the DHG doesn't have an easy life.
Though each of his members will listen to his instructions it doesn't mean they always keep to the rules.... Understandable Heyes frustration. He can be lucky to have a right hand to back him up and to keep the men in line.

I like your idea to show Heyes' fascination of modern technique and your story clearly reveals his worry about how easily this new technique can work against them. You draw a circle to an important point why they decided to leave the business. Heyes ability to realize the extension of the actual danger which accompanies this invention is admirable and reasonable.

For me the implementation of the prompt is to see on one side Heyes and Maisee as a pair of Knaves and on the other side Kid and Burt.
I liked the way you made Heyes look like a kid whose toy was taken away from him.
Delightful the dynamics in their relationship, Maisee is a real challenge for him.. An imposing pair of "Knaves", Maisee's not always behaving "ladylike" and the other handsome fella is the rogue he is... Splendid and enjoyable to watch his cunning, you're really good in describing him!
Why getting something the easy way, more fun to conquer a woman, who is as complex as he is .. Very good in character, I think.

And the Knaves of them both?
Bart is defending his employer, willing to fulfill her order.
Kid, for his part, protects his partner, too, but he does more than this. He tries to mediate.
Very good this scene, he really has a mule headed friend.
For other people Kid might seem to have an easy-going attitude, but Bart wisely backs down..

Clever turn the way Heyes outdoes Maisees efforts.

The main actors are leaving the stage reunited.
And with the imminent danger gone the other "Knaves" can calm down, too, shaking their heads in disbelief. That was funny!

Thanks for your enjoyable story.

Kid4ever


Even if this story was too long for a challenge story, I would like to congratulate you. Such a warm-hearted story was a sweet fun read.

The way you structure the plot enables you to give an overview on some of the boys characteristics.

There were several parts I copied out of the text for my own pleasure, it would be too long to say sth about them. Very good.

It's like a kind of summarize over their past and present situation. In the course of the plot you reveal that their was a misunderstanding between them which obviously led to the current situation. But you leave the reader in the dark what it's all about...

You manage to give the reader an impression of the gloomy mood and thoughts Kid experienced.

I'm feeling with Kid, he can't have fun among other merry people, he's alone, no one to talk to or to laugh with, he wants to suffer alone or dull the pain with a few drinks. Who doesn't know such a situation?!
I particularly liked they way Kid involuntarily emphasizes his feelings with his body language, which you described clearly.
Mule headed and reluctant it took its time for him to relax and to accept the spoken words.

Understandable the remark:
"I don't want to hear what you have to say." And the wise answer :"You don't try you don't know."

One part I picked out which is a good transition to the end.
"You have a feeling that you cannot move forward or backward with your life. A feeling that things have stalled for you.”

As in so many fairy tales there are more things happening which we will never understand or can explain; Kid stumbles into Heyes and they work things out.

Good ending. Insight on both sides... Lovely concession :
"No, what I said was stupid. You were just wrong,” Heyes grinned.