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nm131

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Fri Nov 17, 2017 5:06 pm

NM, I went to sleep last night thinking about Princess Bride and our boys. How about this scene, although it may suit Maz more :) : Kid's shot, Heyes brings him to Miracle Max: "Good news! He's just MOSTLY dead!" Hehe. Can you picture a desperate Heyes with Miracle Max and his wife?!

And then throw Kyle in there? Maybe Kyle could bring in the Kid. That would be hilarious. Maybe they could be Kyle's long-lost parents.


cac

See cac, yes it is appealing. I was eating lunch at my desk today at work when i read your post. The same day surgery manager walked in and found me laughing out loud at my computer wondering what was so funny. It certainly wasn't the budget variances for FTEs that was due this afternoon. (I needed the laugh - thanks! panda )You should have seen me trying to explain what and why I laughing. I could see that scenario very well.

And Kid would think that true love is the noblest cause worth living for in all the world but Heyes would agree with Inigo Montoya and Miracle Max that the real noble cause is to cause your enemy to suffer humiliations galore. Then they would all eat a nice MLT - mutton, lettuce, and tomato sandwich where the mutton is nice and lean. I'm liking this ASJ Princess Bride more and more. The Devils Hole Gang (minus Wheat and Kyle) could be the Brute Squad.

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Cornelia May

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Fri Nov 17, 2017 9:32 pm

Someone needs to write this fanfic.

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Maz

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Sat Nov 18, 2017 3:35 am

Finally got the time to read and I had to find Cal's Halloween story.....Yay loved it. Those bunnies get everywhere and sheesh do I have a reputation of shooting Kid? Wow that's a surprise :) Lol. Bravo Cal.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Mon Nov 20, 2017 3:05 pm

Nebraska Wildfire, Watching the Parade go By
Too funny, those poor boys, they just had no idea what to expect on a Saturday night out at saloon, did they? Ahhhhhh, to dance with Heyes, every gals dream. Well, except for those who would rather dance with Kid. I don’t know NW but a night on the town with Heyes, sounds just dreamy, siggghhh. Oh but to be Annie. I know you thought that when writing and you made us all think it too.

Favorite Line
“We’ve not yet been in jail in this century,” Heyes said quietly. “I’d like to keep it that way, Kid.”

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nm131

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Fri Nov 24, 2017 1:55 pm

Nebraska Wildfire- A saloon named Whiskey Gap - yep, Annie sure knows what would make our time traveling ex-outlaws right at home, except for the no poker, of course. There were lots of nice touches in this chapter of your tail, the dancing, the bar fight, the tequila drinking and best of all Heyes' line regarding jail in this century.


Sister Grace
- This was a nice lighthearted modern tale with an slight eerie layer of the past coming forward. Good mention of Barron's hats. Story took an unexpected turn towards a dark tale with the stab to the heart obit. I demand a mulligan rewrite from the Western Writers Conference on the death notice.

I hope all the US fans had a nice Thanksgiving. catth happyth turkey happyt2
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Fri Nov 24, 2017 3:24 pm

Sister grace, watching the parade go by

Ah is fan fic writers we have hearts filled with hope, Love, and a desire to believe. Our pleasure of wanting to be there and to believe the fiction can be part of reality is so wonderfully shown through Melinda and Jessica. Enjoyed the small what I always call deep geek references such as ‘Barons reproductions’ that any true ASJ fan would get. Where did Huggins find the outlaws which are so deeply revered? You bring up many dreams and hopes in this piece. Thank you for sharing

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Fri Nov 24, 2017 4:24 pm

Alias Alice – Yeah, I can see a cattle drive not being a favorite job of Heyes and Curry.  Loving the bantering about whose idea amnesty was.  I agree with the Kid that a beef steak is more desirable than mutton stew.  Where did you find the cowboy trail song?  Wondering how the melody goes.  I happen to love Heyes’ and Curry’s singing.  So they’re desperate enough for the job.  Loved this challenge!


applause


Cac – I’ve often thought about a story when I hear Kenny Roger’s song and you successfully did it.  What a sad first paragraph with the despair of the Kansas farm boy over his grades.  Perfect name for that farm boy.  I’m wondering if Kenny knows of Heyes and the Kid.  Doesn’t seem so.  Love the line about friendship, a deck of cards and a gun being keepers and Heyes’ words of advice:  “I mean, don’t count your winnings and your losings when you’re at the table. Life ain’t over yet. You might think you’ve lost today, but every hand can be a winner, and every hand can be a loser.”  Wonderful challenge!


applause


Maz – Oh, a Hannibal Heyes plan in the making!  Love Kyle’s enthusiasm and the outlaw named Huggins.    Yep, just four men guarding it like Heyes… OH, OH!  I bet it did look like a parade.  Clapping!


applause


Nebraska Wildfire – Oh good, a continuation of your other challenge.  Love the name Whiskey Gap.  sigh… Oh to be in the middle of those two!  Things have changed some in saloons over the years, especially the girls and gambling.  Heyes is being charming and the Kid is being a flirt.  Careful, Kid!  Like everyone else, I loved the line about being in jail in this century – a great one!  That Sherilynn is trouble, Kid.  Ouch!  Poor Heyes.  Good challenge!


applause


Sister Grace – Wheels of their luggage clacking behind them?  Oh, it’s a modern-day story and a Western Writers Conference.  I wanna go!  I’m already loving Melinda and Jessica.  The gals are really ready for an authentic western experience.  Loving the quips of the shows appearing in your story.  What?  Heyes and Curry aren’t real?  I’d love being on Kendrick’s tour of Red Rock and hearing the history.  NO… not Thaddeus Jones!  Joshua Smith and Kendrick MacCabe?  Where’s the (as Paul Harvey used so say) “rest of the story”?  You’re right – Roy Huggins did use history and real folks.  Maybe…  Loved it!


applause

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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Watching the Parade Go By   Fri Nov 24, 2017 10:13 pm

Sister Grace:  Thanks so much for such a fun and intriguing story.  I liked the way it started not knowing if we were dealing with the boys ... or not.  Then I guess they didn’t have rolling luggage?
It sounded like they were having a wonderful time, immersing in all things ASJ, but definitely not before breakfast.  lol2
But then it took a turn, and Thaddeus was shot!  I do like the name Kendrick...
Such a lovely tale, for us on which to dream and ponder.
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Alias Alice



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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Fri Nov 24, 2017 11:36 pm

Wichita Red:
You certainly always bring the boys and their world to life in a very vivid and real way. What a great read. Loved the humour! And very nice to see the boys openly show their deep affection for each other.

Nebraska Wildfire:
I am so enjoying your story of the boys time-travelling, and I loved this picture of them having a night out on the town in the twenty-first century.  Know what you mean by Kid's 'million watt smile'.  So do we all!  Liked the change of mood from fun to menace. Hope you continue this tale.

Cac:
A nostalgic and wistful mood in this very enjoyable challenge. A very different 'take' on the idea of a 'parade', ie, life's parade. Very clever and well-written.

Maz:
I enjoyed this humorous and endearing picture of the gang in action!

Sister Grace:
What an intriguing idea - a writers' conference where the edges between fact and fiction seem to blur. I hope that Thaddeus's being shot is totally fiction! Enjoyed reading this.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Tue Nov 28, 2017 7:26 am

Penski:
What sad and difficult day for the boys. If anything could justify their going for the amnesty, in spite of the doubts they have sometimes, this story convinces them, and us, how right they are to try for it. Thoughtful and well-written challenge.
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nm131

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Tue Nov 28, 2017 5:50 pm

Penski - You're early!

A somber parade of mourners really hit home with Heyes and the Kid. The macabre practice of displaying struck down outlaws, and ones they knew and somewhat liked at that, made going for the amnesty that much more important. Kid was correct, that could have just as easily have been them - there but for the grace of God go I. Thank you.
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Calico

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Tue Nov 28, 2017 10:41 pm

First of all greetings from the Global Economic Summit at Hyderabad. excited YES the pussy cat is in India and sometime tomorrow she is going to rise onto her back paws and say something intelligible. confused scratch huh Prepare to be outraged though – Hyderabad is plastered with posters welcoming some character called ‘Ms Ivanka Trump.’ Not a single one says ‘Welcome Calico’. Bet SHE don’t have a yella bandanna! [I suspect Ivanka is in a slightly plusher lounge! Slurps tea from paper cup.]

Anyhow, enough fluffing of my fur. On with the comments.


1) WichitaRed

Sheesh, no wonder Heyes’ coffee tastes bad if its rehashed.

Oooh, I’m intrigued too. What parade is this? Awww, All Saints and grave decorating. Is that going to get our boys all thoughtful?

Loving rustling rather than nesting.

I thought so. Poor boys. All those lost loved ones. Awwww. And Kid knows all the boys in the gang are lonely in their own way.



2) Alias Alice

Loving Kid telling Heyes he should have talked him out of amnesty.

Also loving Australian being easier to learn than Spanish. In fact loving the twosome banter altogether.


3) Cac

Is Heyes going to do a bit of ‘Know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em …’ type advice for this youngster?? Then a bit of generosity ?? I guess I have to read on to find out.

Hang on – it’s not Kenny Rogers??

It IS isn’t it? You old sly boots.

And she has worked in the parade – (Just, smile) AWWWWW! I forget that bit. Goodbye, Heyes. Sniff. I utterly loved that you appallingly clever old clogs!




4) Maz

Watch out, Kid. It’s her.

Huggins?? Are you tugging very gently on the boys’ legs?

Short but very sweet, Maz. Poor boys. Still, at least we get soldier eye candy to watch.




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Alias Alice



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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Wed Nov 29, 2017 7:50 am

Nm131:
Nice picture of Kid being the family man we all knew he was cut out to be. Hard to believe that this devoted husband and dad was once a tough outlaw and gunfighter! But where is there a wife for Uncle Heyes? Can you sort this out for him in another story, nm131?
Also interesting to see (mostly) Kid in a nearly modern urban setting.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Wed Nov 29, 2017 12:21 pm

Nm131 - I LOVED Hannibal Heyes' Plan B!!  The Kid sounds like he has his hands full with work, Erin, and the kids and that he's loving every minute of it!  I'm a fan of the Macy's Thanksgiving parade, too, and it was fun imagining them all there.  All of us have "fudged" a little on dates.  Even Heyes did when he talked about the Brown's Palace in Denver.  Wonderful challenge!  applause

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Wed Nov 29, 2017 8:58 pm

Nebraska Wildfire:
Favorite line: “I wondered how many times the two of them had leaned side by side on a bar.” I love that scene in the pilot. And in the first McCreedy. And on and on.

“Rumor was that she went to a fancy salon in the big city to get that hair.  The local Cut and Curl ladies were a bit offended, but they did agree that she looked great in the style.” Nice. Exactly right for small-town snark.

So you’re a Heyes fan, huh? ☺️

And I am curious as to what they are carrying-did their ASJ guns cross-over too, or are these modern?

Sister Grace:
“The pair of travelers ambled along, the heels of their boots striking a nostalgic rhythm against the aging wood of the boardwalk, the wheels of their luggage clacking behind them in a less-than-nostalgic echo.” Nicely written! Gives us the time period and who it’s not in a fun way and that part of the theme is nostalgia….

Hehe, and it turns out that Kid Curry did indeed stay in the house of the mayor’s daughter ☺️

I like how you had fun with the pair of women mirroring in some ways the boys.

Very clever idea! I love how you mixed it with so many layers, not just a simple time travel but playing with how Huggins might have gotten the idea, with it being a writer’s conference, all of it.

Penski
As always, you paint the picture so well. I can just see the mixture of Heyes talking while doing all these mundane activities. It feels just like an episode.

I can’t imagine walking by people I knew, loved or not, doing what I used to do, on display like that as a consequence I’d barely managed to avoid. I’ve seen those sorts of photos. Ugh. Very good, imaginative use of the prompt!

I also thought you did a really nice job with the tension between connecting to the outlaws as wanted outlaws themselves and also connecting to the victims as outlaws who would have never done that.

NM:
As a fan of your Terms universe, I love seeing these old “new friends” in such a happy setting ☺️ The kids, the wives, and our happy boys. I gave notice at my job today after a lot of stress, felt a lot of peace, and checked the website to find your delightful story awaiting me ☺️ It was perfect for my afternoon!
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PostSubject: Watching the parade go by   Thu Nov 30, 2017 2:16 pm

Penski:  The boys ring so true in this story.  The polite respect as the funeral parade goes by, the very true realization that it could have been them in those pine boxes, and even taking the bottle back to their room, all are them.  However, in some ways it’s the ending that makes it really the boys.  They choose to leave it behind and ride out of town, hoping for a better day.

nm131:  Your writing always evokes a lovely mood.  The Kid at loose ends in New York, with the bustle of the city around him.  The hominess of the Curry ranch at Thanksgiving.  The children’s excitement at the parade.  My favorite, though, it when his wife quietly pulls Kid’s calloused hand to feel the baby move, and he smiles gently at her.  Such a sweet, quiet moment that says so much.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Thu Nov 30, 2017 6:34 pm

November stories: I couldn't let this parade pass me by! panda

Wichita Red: Such a gentle and empathetic ride with Heyes through his day, from the peaceful and solitary quiet time on the porch to the sweep of deep emotion at the graveyard. This is somebody who feels deeply, and you take us into his spirit. Nicely done.

Alias Alice: I can easily see that little debate, postponing the inevitable as you say. That conversation settled the matter for them at that moment. I also enjoyed the dialogue between the boys.

Cac: Old people do seem to go on, don't they? Maybe even when they shouldn't. A younger Heyes certainly wouldn't share that much, but I certainly believe the older one would, especially in a reflective mood. Does the end mean that the old man died?

Maz: Yes, a cavalry parade like that might present a difficulty. But then I see your signature line at the bottom: "Obstacles are put in our way to see if we really want something or only thought we did." I guess the Devil's Hole Gang only thought they wanted that $20,000.

Nebraska Wildfire: My favorite lines: "We’ve not yet been in jail in this century,” Heyes said quietly.  “I’d like to keep it that way, Kid.” Hey, why change now? And yeah, figures they'd get involved in a bar fight. Considering Curry was warned, I'd say he was itching for a confrontation. I'm glad nobody got arrested!

Sister Grace: The time is out of joint, or is it? An encounter with these spirits of the past can be frightening or enlightening -- maybe even both! As the late great Fats Waller liked to say, "One never knows, do one?"

Penski: I was almost a little surprised when the boys didn't turn around and leave town when they heard the funeral was for robbery victims. A little too close to home, I thought, for them. But a sudden turn-around would probably raise suspicion. That whole practice of displaying the dead bodies was pretty gruesome. I'd be wanting a drink, too, if I planned to look at them. And then finding out they were acquaintances -- that really is close to home. This is a well-drawn vignette that made me think.

NM131: I like your AS&J world. I like all the kids, and I like that Harry married somebody smart. It was a wonderful Plan B. Nothing like a big city adventure for the family, but oh! I bet Erin was TIRED!!



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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Thu Nov 30, 2017 8:10 pm

Rosie Annie, yeah, in the song the gambler died in his sleep, so Heyes did too. I agree about the elderly "going on" - my grandparents certainly did!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Fri Dec 01, 2017 9:06 am



Penski: Watching the Parade Go By

Okay, they are in a town where the robbery went wrong and the citizens caught the bank robbers…?
You would think that would be a leave town moment, for both of them. Let’s see where you go.
Eeek, Jackson is following the morbid custom of displaying their killed law breakers. If ‘n I was Heyes or Curry that would give me the heebie jeebies.
Seeing old pals on display would be quite a sobering moment about your own lives, although the boys are working toward anything but sober.
As always your tales flow along, like you are sitting to the side listening to them talk. Always, always enjoy your comfortable dialogue flow. Thanks for sharing, this historically accurate version of the West.


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Fri Dec 01, 2017 9:07 am

NM131: Watching the Parade Go By


I always like the idea of them being detectives after getting their amnesty. I suppose, with what we have seen them do along the way, it is easy to imagine them as detectives. It is a beautiful image you have created of Heyes arriving at his Cousin’s home. Really enjoyed the description of the family and the bit about the snake.
Okay, I ain’t one for the whole Heyes/Curry family life stories, but you really got me smiling on yours. Love the image of the boys running to their father. Just a really nice, warm holiday story…thanks so much for sharing.

Nice emotional description:
He tugged at the collar of his shirt before once again giving the district attorney his attention.

Small tip: 2 stepdaughters, 2 sons, …the numbers jog a reader from the flow, you may want to edit them to be the word “two”

Great line: “At least Mr. Kid shows his appreciation by eating a healthy helping, you live on the smell only, judging by the amount you eat.”

Amoung all you were writing…of the excitement, what a nice private moment:
Jedediah Curry felt the movement of a foot, or was it an elbow before he grasped his wife’s gloved hand, giving her a gentle smile full of love and wonderment that he saved only for her.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Fri Dec 01, 2017 10:02 am


5) Nebraska Wildfire


Now, wouldn’t we all like to teach Heyes a two-step??
And Kid – you do know you are not allowed to carouse with blowsy blondes? It’s in the fanfic rules somewhere.

Oooh, Kid. Are you going to get into a fight?

I am really enjoying watching Kid on the dance floor – and feeling the tension build up to see if a fight will kick off.

We can really feel the romance building up between Annie and Heyes there, Nebraska.


6) Sistergrace

Hello there Sister! Glad to see you parading.

It’s us! It’s us! Well … sort of any two of us. Clicking heels and speaking in unison.

Very clever take on the prompt here, Grace.

We’re in Red Rock! Of course, where else?

Graves of transients. Aw. Sad. And one of them a Thaddeus Jones.

This is getting very clever, Grace as fiction bleeds into fact. (Tinges of Halloween here)

Enjoyed that a lot. Thank you.



7) Penski



Oh dear, folk killed in a bank robbery. This doesn’t sound like good news for our boys.

We do always like to see our twosome smoking on a porch though, don’t we?

Are we going to get another twisty tale?? They’re not going to see themselves on display are they?? I guess not since there are three outlaws.

Nope. But still getting our chaps into a thoughtful mode.

Nicely understated Penski.



8) Nm131

Poor old Kid, separated from his family for the holidays and feeling all wistful.

This cat slinking around Heyes’ ankles – are you sure it wasn’t a Calico?

You know what – I think snakes would be outside animals for me. Not that they are not beautiful… but inside could just take you by surprise.

Is Heyes going to take the family TO Kid?? Is that plan B? Yeaaa! Good old Heyes.

And the boys get to see the parade. Double yeaaa! And they go see Santa. (And we ALL know that the real Santa works at Macy’s)

That was so warm hearted and seasonal, NM.
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PostSubject: Tin   Sun Dec 03, 2017 7:24 pm

Maz: Thank you for the lovely story to start off the month. The Kid hurting, but determined, being watched by a tin star. Beautiful sense of the setting and feeling.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Tue Dec 05, 2017 1:54 pm

WichitaRed -  This chapter of your on-going story has a quiet, sober feel, very appropriate for All Saints Day.  I like that you stress, through thick and thin, Heyes and Curry will always watch out for one another.  I almost wanted to break out in a chorus of "I Got You Babe."  sm   Great chapter! applause


Alias Alice -  Good take on the prompt--a parade of cattle.  This set of lines made me laugh and really sounds like our fellas:    
Whose idea was it?”

“Yours.”

“Was it?  Well, you should have  talked me out of it!”


Loved the song and Kid's singing of it.  Too bad HH didn't care for it.  Very enjoyable piece, Alice! two thumbs


cac-  Beautiful!  What a fine tribute to your husband as well as Heyes, Curry, and "The Gambler."  Well done, cac! Ace


Maz -  Love "Huggins" scribbling on paper while HH speaks.  Heehee.  writing  Ah....well this particular parade cannot be ignored.  rifle  It was a good plan...for another day. Nice challenge, Maz!


Nebraska Wildfire -  Sounds like HH and KC fit in right well here in the 21st century.  Nice challenge, Nebraska.  I like how you subtly worked in the "parade" of gals past our fellas. cowboyclap


Penski -  I don't blame the Kid at all for losing his appetite and wanting to leave town.  Sad, but true--It could have been them.  And it could still be them.   minz Great challenge, Penski!


nm131 - The more I read of your "Terms" universe stories the more I love them.  You write these characters very well.  Your re-arranging of the historic New York dates has made this fan very thankful for our own special "ASJ Miracle on 34th Street!"   happyt2

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Thu Dec 07, 2017 11:35 pm

MAZ:
A very good picture of a few moments in Kid's life - how he has to reassure himself that he still has his all-important shooting skill. You convey his anxiety and the scene very well. Also the character of the sympathetic sheriff. Very enjoyable challenge.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Fri Dec 08, 2017 1:05 pm

Maz – The Kid has done these steps too many times to count, but I love how you told your read each step to practice shoot from finding a good location and time to bringing out targets and figuring out how far he is. What? Someone was actually able to sneak up on the Kid? Where’s that partner of his? Obviously not watching his back. And not just anyone, but Sheriff Theodore Ignatius Newton (TIN – love it!). So does the sheriff know or just giving the Kid a heads up that he’s being watched. With the Kid hurt – and right arm, no less – and healing, I sure hope that partner is somewhere nearby. Lovely challenge, Maz! applause

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