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Elleree

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Tue Sep 04, 2018 8:49 pm

BTW, shall I not respond to the comments? I ask because I'm kinda new at this gig so tell me if it is annoying. i just really appreciate them and want you to know I read them all. I can also embody the Kid Curry style and be less talkative. :)

Inside outlaw: I appreciate the comments. Somehow the boys finding teeth seemed like a perfect pairing. I’m glad you thought it was fun—I always worry when I solely focus on humor. Somehow this wrote itself…which might be scary that this naturally occurred to me, heh.

Calico: Yes, I expect Mrs. Howard’s other reason for appreciating the boys was that they got to go find her husband’s teeth for a change!

I agree, it was “Poultry” of him, hah. I see I’m not the only pun lover. I don’t think the Kid found any of them amusing.

(The fact that he had a set in his mouth the whole time was the conclusion that occurred in my own personal teeth saga. I had been looking for my grandfather’s teeth outside in the dark with him after he was sure they’d fallen out of the Ziplock he kept them in in his pocket. Mr. Howard’s response was what my grandpa said after we finally went inside and discovered he had them in his mouth.)

It was sad they had to go, but hey they escaped—and I think Mrs. Howard probably enjoyed throwing those darn teeth on the floor. ;) Thank you for the review.
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Penski
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Tue Sep 04, 2018 9:38 pm

Respond away to comments, Elleree! No reason not to and it's fun reading them.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Thu Sep 13, 2018 3:34 pm

Nightwalker – Oh, I really liked this one, but my favorite genre is hurt/comfort. Marty is right that Lucille is perfect for the position. Maybe he should woo her hand and they sell only the medicine she makes. They wouldn’t get run out of town that way. The Kid was edgy when being “introduced” to Marty and Lucille and for good reason with his partner nearby. What a blessing to run into Lucille! Wonderful section about the abyss. I really like Marty. He was more concerned about Heyes than getting to the fair on time. Great challenge! applause

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Elleree

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Thu Sep 13, 2018 8:13 pm

Nightwalker:

I find I am with Penski on this—I love hurt/comfort, I love this, and I think Marty needs to just sell her cures so perhaps they can stick around as long as they like!

I really liked both Marty Callahan, alias "Dr. Albus," and of course Lucille. Her heart melted when she saw the relationship between the boys just like ours always does.

“We won’t!” she objected strictly. “It’s too dark to drive the wagon any further.”
A short shimmer of white teeth told Marty about the stranger’s smile.


Loved this moment. We know Kid wouldn’t hurt them so long as they aren’t a danger to his partner, but they don’t and this humanizes him. It also just fits his character. BTW, I knew it was Kid before you pointed it out; technically the man with the gun could have been either. That is deft characterization in a few strokes. I think it was the stance relaxing but also those last lines.

I loved Kid’s protectiveness. This exchange:
“Where is he? Your friend?”
“Not far away.”

So protective, but it’s good he decided to trust them in the long run.

“You have to leave now, Thaddeus.”
“No.”
“That was no question!”
“You’re right. It is no question and I will stay!” he countered. Blue eyes locked with gray ones, tried to stare each other down.
Another painful sound from the bed broke the spell. Immediately Thaddeus turned around, touched his friend’s hand and focused his eyes on him. The worry and affection Lucille noticed in his glance told her everything she had to know.

That is perfect. Seriously.
Kid reading The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn was so wonderful and so sad. And then that next scene broke my heart just a bit. In a good way! Also the wake up scene. Basically I could quote you back the whole story. I loved it and would equally love a continuing part... I want Heyes completely on the mend and of course it would be nice if Marty and Lucille partnered up permanently…
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Penski
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Fri Sep 14, 2018 7:51 pm

Rosie Annie - Oh, I really like this one! You brought Grace back and in the perfect situation. Loved the awkwardness of the meeting - just how I would've pictured it. Glad the boys get a little pampering, even if it's just for the night. I loved the ending how Heyes immediately picked up that something was wrong, but didn't force the issue, just made himself available to his partner. Yes... Very good! bottle

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Nightwalker



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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Fri Sep 14, 2018 9:52 pm

RosieAnnie – Such a beautiful story. The boys one day early and so just in time, receiving a little bit of luxury that they surely wouldn’t have paid when they had another chance.

You captured the boys so well.

“Fine.” Heyes went to get his saddlebags. “At least I can rely on you to get our money’s worth at breakfast.”

And even more the ending. Wonderful :-)

I really can imagine the Kid watching the singers. He would be curious, wouldn’t he? And maybe he was already with his thoughts by a special woman he once got to know, before he turned around and met her again: Sister Grace. She’s such a beautiful character and you caught her very well.

I had a closer look at most episodes of the second season lately and in that occasion, I got the feeling there was more about the relationship between the Kid and Sister Grace than met the eye.

The script version I found online makes it clearer with two little lines that were left out in the end version.
It’s almost at the end of the episode - the Kid is surprised to find Sister Grace still in Apache Springs, she tells him, she wouldn’t leave without knowing he’d returned well and so on...finally she leaves to serve him a meal, the Kid’s eyes follow her (if I recall it right)

“HEYES’S VOICE
(quietly, seriously)

She isn’t for you, Kid...

Curry turns to see Heyes standing a few feet away.

CURRY

I know. And I think I’m sorry.”

And we never got to know what she intended to say when their goodbye was interrupted by the arrival of Mr. Fielding.

So, well, maybe the story could have ended otherwise. Maybe their second meeting includes a second chance. Or will they meet a third time...?
However, you story inspires the imagination.

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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: A Day Late   Sat Sep 15, 2018 8:23 pm



Nightwalker:. I really like your characterizations of Marty and Lucille. They came off the page three dimensional for me, and set the stage for the boys’ arrival. I also liked how you captured the boys’ relationship so well. The Kid was protective as expected, and Heyes would never leave him if he had a choice. Thanks for letting Lucille save Heyes. It would be nice to see her and Marty again.

RosieAnnie: Such a wonderful discussion between the bartender and the boys on their opinion on “the evils of drink.” It was very true to character, of course, as was how the Kid met Grace again, and that she was for Prohibition, and he politely disagreed. I do like that you didn’t take a typical path of them getting together again. They obviously still felt the attraction they had earlier, but were still on separate paths. I loved that Heyes immediately knew something had happened, but let the Kid be, until perhaps later, to find out what. The Kid would have mentioned if it really mattered to their safety. Heyes sensed it was something else.
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Elleree

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Fri Sep 21, 2018 11:58 am

Rosie Annie:
I loved this and thought it was a lovely follow up to the episode.

“A suite?” Curry’s eyebrows rose with interest. “Is breakfast included?”
“I should’ve known you’d ask that. Yes, breakfast is included, and baths.”
Curry turned away and started unbuckling his saddlebags. “That’s all I need to know....”


Loved that exchange.

“At least I can rely on you to get our money’s worth at breakfast.”
Hah, so very Heyes. As is “At least, not when other Baptists might see them,” Heyes said.

I also enjoyed: Curry looked around at the dingy tables, the piles of dust accumulated on the uneven plank floor, and the lurid paintings faded by years of cigar smoke. “Don’t pay my friend no never mind. He wasn’t brought up proper like me.”

The way you had Grace clutch her Bible and Kid clutch his hat when they first saw each other again was very nicely done.

“That’s different for us. We’re usually a day late and a dollar short.” Heh, I laughed with Grace.

The scene between them was so well done and very bittersweet. Clearly they still have feelings but neither can act on them. Also I think she reminds him of the kind of man he’d like to be, on some level. Even if I agree with her in that he IS a good man.

However, my favorite scene by far is the end scene between Curry and Heyes. Perfect, just lovely. Heyes noticed what was wrong but didn’t prod and Kid appreciated it. I think Heyes might broach the subject later, but knew when to leave well enough alone as Kid would've told him if it was something that spelled danger for them. This is perfection Rosie Annie!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Sat Sep 22, 2018 2:28 pm

Saturday afternoon is always a good time to catch up with the month's stories so far.

Nightwalker: Very enjoyable! I like your characters and their motivations. Marty may be a bit of a scammer, but he seems to be a decent person, even if he has an interesting view of guarantees. I love this line: "Why did people always believe that “guarantee” meant to revoke a good deal just because they were not satisfied with the result?" Lucille is the doctor's wife who never got credit for all she did, and all that she learned. Her knowledge is put to good use with Marty's remedies and how she helps Joshua. And she has backbone, maybe more than Marty does. I liked this story very much, and I particularly liked Lucille and Marty. Well done!

Ellerree: Wow! My only complaint is, I want to know what happens next! Isn't it interesting how a simple little white lie like, I used to be a locksmith, can get our hero in trouble? And Heyes recognized from the outset that he was not in a good place in that saloon, but he thought he could control the situation. Just like the old AS&J saying goes: "Bad things happen when we split up." So true again here!


Cal: Oh no! What happens next? You certainly built the tension well, because I am finding it hard to type when I'm biting my nails. Only a promise to Lom would get our boys to go willingly to the Wyoming Territorial Prison. Who has the faith, and who should be trusted? And yes, I know what you mean when you say, these things start out short and go long. I'm looking forward to finding out what happens next.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Mon Sep 24, 2018 12:17 pm

Cal - I'm as intrigued as Heyes and as nervous as the Kid to know what's going to happen next! I can see the silver-tongue failing Heyes considering how nervous he was. And yep, the Kid would be on pins and needles. The fact they have their guns yet should help their fears, but why a day earlier than the Governor's and Trevor's arrivals? I did find it a little confusing that the head of the prison is called a Governor and he's not the territorial governor. Is that the name in UK? I guess I would have called him the warden. Once I figured out who you were talking about, I was fine and I still enjoyed the story. Loved the tension and waiting for the resolution. Clapping enthusiastically! applause

I visited the Wyoming Territorial Prison and could picture the office as they talked. It is right inside the main gate.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Tue Sep 25, 2018 1:23 pm

Nebraska Wildfire - Oh, I really liked that story. It was very sober as the boys got to experience a taste of normal life before going on the run again. Thankful that they made a friend in the telegraph owner's daughter. Nice to know someone with the inside scoop of what's going on. Like how you started and ended it at about the same place with the story in the middle - nicely done. Yep, I loved this one, too! sm

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Thu Sep 27, 2018 5:33 pm

Nebraska Wildfire: What a bittersweet story. Sometimes you dare to dream and to hope, even though you know better. The disappointment you feel is no less painful for being expected. Excellent use of the prompt, too. Well done.

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Calico

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Sun Sep 30, 2018 3:22 am

1) Nightwalker

Now, someone has been using her word counter – smile,

Oooh … is this ‘the wagon of a travelling show’? Gypsies, tramps and thieves style.

So, they have parked up next to Kid Curry. (Lucky Lucille) Any HH has picked up yet another boo boo.

Yeahhhh. He is going to pull through.

Awwwww … Marty, another pretty good bad man, is having a thoughtful moment.

Very engaging, Nightwalker.



2) RosieAnnie

Another one hitting the word counter!!

Sounds a nice suite, Heyes. Don’t grouse. That’s right, Kid. You can use five dollars worth of soap and porridge.

Middling range whiskey – like it.

Is it? Is it?? It IS – it is Grace the glass wiper. And she is all happy. Awwwww. What a nice follow up on her, Rosie.



3) Elleree

Hello Elleree – are you enjoying your bandanny?

Oooh – are we being hinted at that Lydia is pretty desperate for money?

Careful Heyes – that man has classic villain’s teeth.

A cliff hanger. Will Kid come to the rescue??? A nice, tense situation there.



4) Cal

Wyoming Territorial Prison – I’ve been there!!
(Love that there was a real life escape by the guards letting someone out to feed his pet, tamed deer.)
We always love the boys acting as deputies.
I have to say, though I am – of course – on the side of the boys, I am rather enjoying the way the prison governor is yanking their chains.

Oooh – is it GOOD news?

And – we suspect but we don’t know as there is another cliff hanger.



5) Nebraska Wildfire

Awwwww. I am having a wibble moment. Our boys have saved Nora from the embarrassment of no one bidding on her pic-nic basket. Awwww. Bless them.

And she is saving them. Awww.

Meanwhile, Libby is yearning for a blond ex-outlaw.

Poor boys – that amnesty is so long coming.

Really enjoyed that one.


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Cal

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PostSubject: A Day Early   Sun Sep 30, 2018 7:30 am

Nightwalker – “kermis” – that’s a new one to me Nightwalker… what’s that. His experience told him, that is was never a good idea to stay longer than two or three days in one place. Why does that sentence make me laugh? Is he selling snake oil? You give us a great picture of these two travelling companions.  Nothing much has happened yet but I’m already invested in their future happiness. Wow… you really pulled me into the story. Poor Heyes sounds as if he might not make it.   He had settled down beside Heyes again, always in touch, always alert.  |Aw… that’s a comforting picture. The paragraph from Heyes’ perspective was fab… Short sentences like short breaths… so fitting. I like Marty and Lucille… I think they could go on to have more adventures together.

RosieAnnie – Right from the off you give us the promise of the bubble bath scene… I hope you’re not just teasing. Love the nod towards Kid’s breakfast obsession.  Ooh … a Baptist reunion. Well I did not see that coming… a happy, dating Grace… good catch from the series RosieAnnie.  Aw …I can see Kid going all big brother protective… and she’s fine.  “Good timing. Your bath should be ready just about now.”  Yes yes yes…. That Mr Heyes is everyone’s pleasure lol…  “Think I’ll grab some fresh clothes and go for that bath. Down the hall?” What!!!! Nooooo….come back…. Rosie… I know people like to see Heyes lying back and reading… BUT… Down the Hall! AAAAAAAGH.

Eleree – Practically holding my nose whilst reading here... lol… poor Heyes… how the mighty have fallen. Lydia and I are on the same page… ”Isn’t Thaddeus with you?” I love this line…   Heyes couldn’t decide whether the air of menace or halitosis they exuded was worse.  Wish I’d written that! (did the three Kings just become the three Queens… may need an edit there) Oh dear…I don’t think Lydia meant to drop Heyes in it… but… where’s Kid when you need him? AH… Good use of the prompt Eleree.  I like the way you leave us guessing just how loyal/helpful Lydia is going to be to the boys in the near future … I’m banking on a Kid Curry style rescue… please.

Nebraska wildfire – Uh Oh… sounds like girl trouble for the Kid. I’m liking the structuring here… we’re going back to see what has happened to upset the Kid so much. “mousy brown hair was a bit dishevelled”… I’m liking her already… Eleanor. I’m getting flashbacks of OKLAHOMA… picnic baskets? Who knew that was a thing?   She forced herself back into the current moment, … clever again Nebraska… I like what you did there. The boys are playing it very cool.  She obviously knows who they are… come on boys…get out of there! Well that was a sweet ending… At least he didn’t have to put her on a train  train …or a stagecoach stage … lol… And we’re back in the saddle.  Good writing.
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Cal

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Sun Sep 30, 2018 8:01 am

Penski / Calico.... NOT FAIR jail  ...all I've seen are a few pictures in Wikipedia.... I'm a bit jealous that you've been there! The fact that it looked so remote intrigued me, and the fact that security was rubbish, and that they had men and women prisoners there.  I started writing ...letting the plot flow with challenge prompts... at one point they were going to fetch a feisty woman prisoner???? That went out of the window... I THINK I know where its going next... but... who knows.  I may need another look in Wiki!!!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Sun Sep 30, 2018 2:37 pm

Cal:
“He wasn’t surprised, their reputations were such, that many a man believed Kid merely did Heyes’ bidding.” I think all of us fans know that isn’t the case. Made me smile.

I love how Kid decides to wait and just cover his partner despite thinking he's gone crazy.

“To this … facility … this great bastion … of penal reform?”
Hmm, hopefully that doesn’t indicate they have to do some time before they get their amnesty! I can’t see either one of them going for that. Maybe it is just for publicity? I can’t wait to find out! Excellent job.

Nebraska Wildfire:
A sympathetic look finally came over Heyes’ face. “Ah, Kid, I’m sorry.” He reached out to touch his friend on the shoulder. “Someday we’ll get that amnesty.”
“Yeah,” the Kid replied, but didn’t look as positive as his partner. “Someday.”

Awww, so sad. But I do love the exchange between the partners, and Heyes putting an arm on him. Seems very in character and very sad.

They did often stop in that establishment for a beer and a card game, but she could forgive them those vices, when they had so many other admirable characteristics.
Just like we fan girl forgive them for even for their larcenous pasts! They are so darn likable, after all. And sympathetic. It makes me wonder if she's going to have to forgive them for that shortly...

Yep, she did forgive them that.

The end scene is perfect. It would be hard to constantly keep the faith and I’m glad Heyes manages to do it for the Kid’s sake in this scene. I also loved them bidding on Eleanor’s basket and paying more than what was asked for it. A bittersweet story that was very nicely done. At the end it seems like all will be well, but you show us how waiting for the amnesty is grating on them quite well.

Moulin P:
Hah, that was quite a tale. I have to say I like Susan and I can imagine that she is just as wild and ungovernable as Heyes himself. I admire her not caring about what society thinks and think she must be pretty brave (and/or stubborn) to do it! Wonder where she gets that...

I also liked the scene with the Kid and Heyes in the saloon. I fell in love with ASJ because of the boys and their relationship and thus I prefer future fics where they’re still just as close.

You’ve made some likable characters in this tale. I have a feeling Heyes will enjoy being a grandfather... eventually.

I also love Grumpy instead of Grampy.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Sun Sep 30, 2018 4:21 pm

Responses to Comments...
Rosie Annie:  
Words counts being what they are, I knew this wouldn’t be solved in a single story! Although honestly I intended this to be short, I really did. I just have a tendency to make things long even when I’m not trying. This time it was indeed a white lie that got Heyes into trouble and one I’m sure he thought little of at the time... In my opinion, the two ought never to split up, really. Bad things do happen. I am working on the next part so it won't always be a cliff hanger.

Calico:
I have enjoyed the bandanna and the partners that brought it immensely. :) And I think Lydia is desperate in many ways. To get out of that nasty saloon, to get money, and to get away from that wagon! And I’m glad you noticed the villain teeth. ;) As for whether Kid comes to the rescue, well, I’m working on finishing the tale.

Cal:
I was holding my breath writing that scene just imagining the smells. You’re right that it isn’t Heyes’ kind of place.  Thanks for finding the queens! I had decided to improve the hand and didn’t get both spots. I edited it. Thanks a bunch for spotting it! Glad you’re torn about Lydia—so was I. Just wait until next scene. And as for a Kid curry rescue, you’ll have to keep reading!


Last edited by Elleree on Sun Sep 30, 2018 9:36 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Sun Sep 30, 2018 8:36 pm

Moulin P – Everyone is grown up now.  Yep, being an empty nester is nice.  Oh, oh.  Just like nowadays, the grown kid moves back home, and not alone.  Poor Mary and Joshua!  I can definitely see Heyes being upset about all of this.  Very cute grampy/grumpy!  This was fun!

applause

Storm wrote a challenge!!  So nice to have you back – I’ve missed you and your writing!  Aww… the hat is up in the far corner of the closet.  Love how Heyes and Curry went straight into their normal routine without batting an eye.  Good bantering about the coffee.  Oh, I’d pay to stay at the Devil’s Hole, especially if the gang, with their amnesty, was there, too.  They even fixed it up – good going, Wheat.  Love how the gang knew Heyes and the Kid would be a day early.  Another fun challenge!

applause

Inside Outlaw – I’ve been missing your stories lately, too.  You didn’t disappoint with another great challenge.  Was that what your summer was like?  You know, I was wondering about fires back in the day.  No 747 airplane to spread fire retardant for a fire line, either.  Must’ve just burned its way out.  Great descriptive writing – I felt tired and hot just reading about it.  Dang, bad things do happen when they separate.  I can image how Heyes felt seeing the amnesty get thrown to the side like that.  Have to say he’s lucky not to have a bullet in his boot.  A Hannibal Heyes plan and Curry coming – can’t wait to read the rest of the story!

applause

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Mon Oct 01, 2018 6:37 am

Remuda - I love how you took a very minor character, Lobo, and created a story about him and his background! It was very plausible and an interesting read. Interesting how you also introduced his ex-wife into the story and how she'd still have him back. Clapping for this one! applause

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Mon Oct 01, 2018 9:32 am

Nightwalker:We always hurt the ones we love! I liked how you rounded out Lucille's and Marty's characters, relationship, and motivation before diving into the drama. It makes the whole story come to life. Little touches like Lucille having a secret, fond smile for Marty's clumsiness with the meals makes the reader care about and imagine what their futures hold. Of course, your portrayal of the Kid was excellent, too. His concern for his partner shown through without being overdone or out of character. Nicely done.

RosieAnnie: "Are you crazy? We're the kind of men they're preaching against!" I love it! Good to see the boys actually have a little cash and comfort that goes along with it, but too bad the temperance ladies happened to be in town. What a perfect mission for Sister Grace. I enjoyed her reunion with the Kid. You wrote it skillfully implying an attraction on both parts, but realistically showing their lives had moved on. Grace clutching her bible at the end of the encounter made me feel as though she was left wondering what might have been. Good writing from you as always!

Elleree:You painted such a well-rounded picture of the saloon in two concise, colorful lines. I'm impressed! I admit I love stories that employ all the senses. This reunion was an eventful one. Lydia volunteering information about Joshua Smith's locksmithing skills has put both of them in danger and I look forward to seeing how you get them out of this one.

Cal:I'm glad you continued this one. The spider analogy was a nice misdirection and, of course, our heroes would be on edge, in the last place they'd want to be, fearing the worst. They reacted to the Governor's perceived threat exactly how I imagine they would: swiftly, in a well-sychronized manner, and totally in tune with one another. You did a good job of keeping us guessing and I, for one, am not sure how this will play out. Well done.

Nebraska Wildfire: What a sad, wistful glimpse of what might have been. Both of them aware of the cost of what their former lifestyles. Yes, they were wild and free, surviving on their wits and arrogance, but the things that make a life worthwhile were always beyond their reach. Very nice reflective story.

MoulinP:Lol, I see we both got our stories done despite having fun! Susan is a great character. I love how she wreaks havoc wherever she goes and couldn't care less about the consequences. Heyes spent his previous career handling hardened men and dangerous situations, his new career managing an entire town, but he is completely at the mercy of his oldest child. Loved the bit about the Kid mixing up the timetable--those pesky asterisks! And I enjoyed meeting Alfie, who already appears to understand how to handle his new grumpy...er, grampy.

StormR:Returning to the scene of the crime? Clever to have the Hole becoming a tourist attraction like the real Hole in the Wall, but Wheat in charge? I see some hilarious problems on the horizon.

Penski:Uh oh. It would be too cruel for them to be so close to amnesty and have this happen. How will this one be resolved?? Surely Lom won't turn them over!

Remuda:Love the backstory for Lobo and the introduction of Mae. To now! To more!

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RosieAnnie

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Mon Oct 01, 2018 2:53 pm

Moulin P: Hurricane Susan has touched down! I love the picture of Hannibal Heyes, mayor, calculating how long the interruptions on his way home would take him, and as a conservative older man worried about what other people would think. I also love this exchange: Heyes dropped his head into his hands. Mary sat beside him and put an arm round his shoulders. “Cheer up Josh. Our daughter’s home,” she said, excitedly. “I know,” Heyes groaned. “I’ve got a headache already.”

StormR: Some nice nostalgia -- putting on the old beat-up hat, teasing Curry about breakfast, and the banter about Heyes' coffee. I like the idea of converting the Hole into a tourist attraction, but Wheat in charge? Who knows, maybe he'll discover new talents for organization and management? Or not. My favorite line: “If the Hole looked this good when we were here, we might not have wanted to leave,” Heyes stated.

Penski: Oh no! I could certainly see this happening, to come so close, SO/CLOSE, and then lose out. What a shame!

Inside Outlaw: To be continued?? Oh no! Well, besides that, I especially admire the way you set a scene. That whole paragraph about how the country looked in drought conditions . . . sadly, it's probably too real for southern Colorado right now. Looking forward to the next chapter!

Remuda: I was hoping you'd slip in under the wire, and you did! Thanks for this view of Lobo and for giving him a history, beyond the mustache. As always, very well done.

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Elleree

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Mon Oct 01, 2018 9:15 pm

Penski:
“We’re not Heyes and Curry!” Heyes said with growing frustration.
“Okay, then poker man in the first and ladies’ man in the second one,” the sheriff said with equal frustration.


I laughed hard at that one! And they'd answer to those, I think.

Curry put his forehead against the bars. “So now what?”
“We go back to Wyoming. I’m sorry, boys. I’m real sorry.”


Oh no! Not as sorry as they are, Lom. Are you continuing this? I’d love to see a rescue and a turn around some how. Call me an optimist. Surely they can escape. I'd like to think Lom wouldn't turn them in, but even if he does, I hope they escape!

Inside Outlaw:
“I know, buddy, I’m hot and thirsty, too,” said the Kid, “but we’ve gotta catch up with Heyes.”
The horse snorted disdainfully.
“How ‘bout we find us some water and then we press on?”
Shaking its head, the horse started to paw.
“Hey, I ain’t feeling so good either. If anyone should be bellyachin’, it’s me,” said the Kid unaware of the irony.


I love the Kid talking to his horse here. (I've written him doing the same thing, so it definitely seems like something he'd do!) It’s a nice light scene after the terrible ones with Heyes and Mac. So much drama and suspense! Poor Heyes! I am so looking forward to Mac getting his comeuppance when Kid Curry catches up with them! (Just hope his illness doesn't make him falter at all...)

Why did things always go so wrong when they split up?

I don't know, but they always do and it makes for some great storytelling! Can't wait to read the ending.


Remuda:
Wow, you made an interesting story about Lobo!

I enjoyed it. I felt sorry for Mae, though. Nursing an attraction for an outlaw and all, hah. And not even one of the charming ones, but apparently Lobo has depths. The scene felt real and you make it realistic.

I will admit Lobo hasn’t been one of my favorite characters—because he doesn’t leave to go help out the Kid with Wheat and Kyle—but I enjoyed this look into his character! You also make that make sense by saying the leaders of the gang weren't his friends, just his bosses. Great job.
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Nightwalker



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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Wed Oct 03, 2018 8:57 am

Elleree – Why do the boys never learn that splitting up it isn’t a good idea? It never does any good to them. The poor girl might have to pay a high price for her careless chattering. It’s very easy to dislike the bad guys, their do their job very well.

Cal – I always like it when the boys are on the “wrong” side of the law or has it to be “right” – let’s agree to “the unexpected” ;-)

You went even a step further and brought them right to the place they never wanted to be. Scary feeling for me and for the boys, too. You captured that very well. Heyes and the Kid act so naturally together how unexpected the situation may be. You caught their remarkable partnership very well.

Nebraska Wildfire – I’m not quite sure if “picturesque” is the right word in this context, but I enjoyed again they way your story created images in my mind. I like the ladies in your story, foremost the sweet quiet Eleanor. A beautiful bittersweet story I really enjoyed.

MoulinP – Mayor Heyes? Yes! I can definitely see him there in the townhall and marveling the modern technical achievements. He’s one who really would appreciate them. It’s easy to imagine him as one who get things done – one way or the other. It is good to see he is doing very well since the amnesty finally came through. Can you think of any reason why he deserves a daughter like Susan? Oh yes ... one or two or even more ;-)

StormR – It’s nice to know there’s such a good future awaiting Heyes and Curry. I really liked it that they kept their trademarks and hit the road together after all this time. Their bantering about the coffee came so easy together with other reminders of their past. Beautiful. A pretty nice reunion at Devil’s Hole. It’s good to know that there’s a good future for all of them.

Penski – What a beginning for a story. Catching the Kid ... well ... uncovered ;-) The sheriff has some good lines. I liked it, when he referred to them as “poker man” and “ladies’ man”. And it really wasn’t too smart, that the boys used to introduce themselves during their robberies. It’s such a cocky behavior, but well ... it’s sweet, too. Tiered of watching the two sleep and pacing? No wonder. And no question who did what. And what hold the end: a spineless governor! I’d like to get up and shoot him myself...

InsideOutlaw – Another story that conjured wonderful pictures in my mind. They getting darker by the time, but I’m one to appreciate that. What else could have happen when the boys split up again? But this time it seems to be even worse than usual. You put Heyes in an almost hopeless situation. Thank god, there’s Kid on his way to back him up. I’m just hoping he will catch up soon enough to save the day – for Heyes and for both of them.

Remuda – Another nice story. I really enjoyed it to learn more about Lobo. You gave him an unexpected background and made him an interesting character.

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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: A Day Early   Wed Oct 03, 2018 9:00 pm

Catching up on so many stories...

Elleree:  Heyes sure can get himself in trouble with some of his tales, can’t he?  I like the character of Lydia, with her own history, not just another non-descript saloon girl, even if she’s not overly helpful to Heyes.  You set the scene perfectly with the very realistic saloon scene.  

Cal:  Another great, suspenseful offering this month! I loved it, but I’m more nervous than the Kid is about what will happen.  How can you and Heyes be so relaxed about it?

MoulinP:  Wonderful to see Susan again, and Mary and Heyes’ reaction to her sweeping into their life.  Maybe turn about is fair play?  How many times would Heyes have swept into a room and caused even more ruckus, as a youngster and older?  Must be enjoying his settled life now.

Stormr:  I loved the way you started out this story, the atmosphere so soft and relaxed, indicative of the boys’ new life.  Maybe getting soft isn’t a bad thing?  And Devil’s Hole as a dude ranch?  It is nice that the boys all ended up with decent lives.  I like to see a happy ending.

Penski:  Action from the very start, with Heyes getting arrested, and then the Kid being brought down.  I can’t say I’m complaining as much as the Kid about him being shirtless.  I did like his line about never having gone upstairs if he had known he was needed.  Of course not.  But to have Lom take them back and not get their amnesty?  Sad.

InsideOutlaw:  Perfect description as always, to set the scene, little things all together to paint the picture, grasshoppers, wildflowers, the sun on Heyes’ neck.  Then I was swept into the story and action of Heyes’ being captured.  My favorite line, “The lengthening shadows foretold dusk’s arrival but Heyes hardly noticed.”

Remuda:  Such an interesting background for Lobo and Mae, totally believable, totally engrossing.  Definitely a new, fresh storyline.
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InsideOutlaw

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Thu Oct 04, 2018 11:13 am

Cal: Is this a harvest as in 'as you sow, so shall you reap'? Lom sounds fit to be tied and no wonder. He's been manipulated in the worst way imaginable. I hate to think of the boys in prison along with others who don't have their best interests at heart. Looking forward to more.

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