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Calico

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Wed Aug 01, 2018 11:33 pm


6) Inside Outlaw

Now, what could be better than our two boys bantering? Can never have too many of those stories. Anyhow, it is well established fanon that the boys’ get at least four fourth of July events per year.

Jed and Han working a kissing booth – now there is a whole other bunny in itself.

Bless Kid entering the pie eating.

Ah! So the fireworks are to cover up the… Clever!!

Doc Holiday … groan. Okay, okay.
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InsideOutlaw

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Thu Aug 02, 2018 2:21 pm

Remuda: Like you said, great minds...maybe mine is the robbery Kid is referring to? Another great saddle talk episode. You've got the banter down pat and I love when the Kid gives him as good as he gets.

Elleree: Ewww, teeth in the outhouse, lol! Fun story. Loved the lunatic and how our boys talk their way around the sheriff and Sam. My favorite line: “Well, if he was blind enough to think that I’m Doc Holliday and you’re Wyatt Earp, he would’ve been blind enough to miss me,” The last few were close seconds.

NebraskaWildfire: You had everyone very much in character and true to the series. Loved how Heyes gently inceded on Doc's behalf in the beginning and how you subtly suggested Doc might have been aware that he hadn't beaten Heyes by skill alone. Best of all, the boys came out ahead this time.

ChelseaGirl: Interesting how Holliday recognized them maybe not for who they were at first but definitely for what they were. I appreciated that they didn't try too hard to convince Doc he was mistaken about their identity.
Nicely done.

Penski: Your story is the perfect prequel to Nebraska Wildfire's. Both our boys were lucky to get off so easy in their encounters with Doc and Kate. Loved the photographs at the finish, too.

Calico: The Magnificent Seven, right? LOLOL, I remember this one but it still had me laughing. Love the rescue by the 'boys' and the line about the rope! Too funny.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Thu Aug 02, 2018 4:04 pm

July:

Remuda: I love a good pun, and finding a doc on a holiday definitely works for me. Yes, definitely keep playing the odds; it's what our boys do on a daily basis, isn't it? I'm glad they ended up having a nice 4th.


Ellerree: You don't write like a beginner; you write like an old pro. Humor, a little danger, and some good lines. I think my favorite is, "don't you read the dime novels?" No, we don't have to read them - we live them! Very enjoyable glimpse into a day in the life of our boys.


Nebraska Wildfire: You packed everything neatly into one 3,000 word package - humor, characterization, a little danger, and some real pathos. I felt real sadness for Doc, and I think our boys did, too.


Chelseagirl: The thing that really strikes me here is how you managed to get Doc Holliday's speech pattern, and some of his character. Why wouldn't he want to take care of someone who made a difference in his life, as he approached the end? Of course, hire some capable men to help him make it happen. The shooting scene was very emotional for me.


Penski: I haven't seen the episode you refer to, so I'm approaching this strictly as a reader. I was able to follow the storyline, even though I don't know the back story, so this does stand on its own. And yes, I remember Kate was a working girl for at least part of her life. It figures that she'd encounter one of our boys.


Inside Outlaw: Great minds think alike! Our boys got to have some fun and still go home with the money. Clever of them to blow up the safe while fireworks are going off, isn't it?

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Sat Aug 04, 2018 9:20 am

Remuda – Looking for a doctor on a holiday and a worried Kid in your story worked very well for me. And I’m so glad they had a good day after all.

Elleree – Hannibal Heyes mistaken for Doc Holliday? Wonderful idea and wonderful story. I liked your detailed descriptions and the light fluffy tone of the story. Wish I could learn that one day ;-)
I also enjoyed the references to the series like the egg trick and the boy’s improvable crafting skills.

Nebraska Wildfire – most of all I enjoyed how well you captured the main characters in behavior and tone. It was a beautiful idea to let Heyes meet Doc Holiday in a poker game tournament still bound to his word to lose. I have to say your Doc Holiday was more likable than the characterization within the original series. The ending was sad but it was a good choice to round the story off.

Chelseagirl – Speaking of characterizations, I think you gave Doc Holliday much more credit than the original authors did. The way you portrayed him and the speech you chose for him was a great improvement to the poor role he was given in ASJ. Your character reminded me of the fascinating man I remember from the movie “Tombstone” which I liked very much.

Penski – It was nice to get a little more insight to the boy’s time in Tombstone. Good idea letting the Kid leave Georgette alone to have a little more fun elsewhere and running right into Doc Holliday’s Kate. The series was filled with coincidences and this one fits very well.

InsideOutlaw – It was nice to read another 4th of July story and I think they match very well. I’m glad you haven’t recognized the coincidence for we had missed your lovely story then. I’m always in for childhood memories and young Heyes at the kissin’ booth is worth a second thought :-)
I also enjoyed to imagine Kyle working with the fireworks. Must have been great fun for him.

Calico – Your revival of “The Bounty Hunter”-plot and the boy’s encounter with The Seven was great - curious, bizarre and absolutely lovable.

I’d like to add something for my own purposes: I know I’m not good in writing feedback. Maybe I will get better over time, but I can’t promise it. If you’d prefer to get no feedback from me, please feel free to send me a personal message. I won’t feel offended and will consider it.

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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Doc Holliday   Sat Aug 04, 2018 4:48 pm

Penski:  I liked how smoothly you fit the Kid, ah, meeting Big Nose Kate into the plot of the aired episode, for all those different scenes.  Maybe lucky for the Kid that Doc didn’t remember him in the second episode where they met. Now that would be another challenge, putting Big Nose Kate into "The Ten Days that Shook Kid Curry"...

InsideOutlaw:  Your dialogue is lovely as always, with the boys bickering amongst themselves, and Wheat putting in his two bits as always.  The ending with the mixup with the dynamite and the fireworks,  was just so utterly Kyle, and fits the gang so well.

Calico: This was absolutely lovely, and delightfully funny.  I could see the boys as so much trouble at that age, Heyes already thinking he's maybe smarter than he is, maybe not, and the Kid with his not so innocent blue eyes.  And Mr. Heyes with is hands on his hips, just like someone else will do, so many years later.  Thanks for the laughs.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Wed Aug 08, 2018 8:12 pm

Elleree
Hannibal Heyes alias Doc Holliday?  Great concept, and well written.  Since the sheriff thought he might have a poster on the guy threatening "Doc," I hope he didn't go through them and come upon ones for the boys.  That could really be interesting.  Methinks they'll be skedaddling sooner than they had planned.

Nebraska Wildfire

Given the history of Heyes's experiences with Doc Holliday and poker, of course I expected Heyes to lose and was surprised at the twist.  Having Clem along was fun, and the at times somber tone added a quiet depth to an already full and robust narrative.  Good job!

Nightwalker
Thanks for your comments. Also, please don't be so hard on yourself.  Your commentary is fine.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Sun Aug 12, 2018 1:37 pm

Inside Outlaw:
Yes, I thought teeth in the outhouse would NOT be a pleasant find. Thank you for the review.

Rosieannie:

Well, I did foray into the fandom many years ago but with two stories only to vanish for along time. I want to get back in the game so thanks for the encouragement. I have to say the dime novel line is my favorite too. The show was bad enough but we fanfic writers really run them through the mill. :) Thanks for the comment!

Nightwalker:
Thank you—it was nice to write a relatively light piece for a change. I normally am an action, h/c kind of girl. The series itself was funny, though, so I wanted to try light and fluffy. The next chapter, if I write it, should have more action but I’ll keep the light tone. If I can, lol.

Remuda:
Thank you—I had fun with the idea. And you might just have the right idea for what chapter two will be, should I continue the story. ;)

thankyou for the comments, everyone.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Mon Aug 13, 2018 9:51 pm

Chelseagirl
Canon or not, having a lifelong interest in Holliday and the Earps, I found your version of the boys' first meeting with Doc more plausible than that in ASJ. And while I'm unfamiliar with the series from which you took your Holliday, yours is (IMO) more realistic than ASJ's, who seemed too old. The most interesting real Doc episodes for me are the vendetta ride with Wyatt after Morgan's assassination and Virgil's wounding, and his last year or so, which you portray so well. Obviously, I can go on and on but will stop here and simply say, bravo -- you nailed it.

Penski
Interesting double angle to have Curry involved with Kate while Heyes was busy with Doc. I can hear Cameron Mitchell (love the actor but, IMO, not the best Wyatt; again, too old) adding it to the ultimatum he gave the two strangers, who obviously were smart enough to abide by it and skedaddle.

Inside Outlaw
Great to see you back writing. You know I love everything about this. Brilliant plan of Heyes's and how fun to have Kyle in his element with the fireworks, although his attention needed more focus (methinks he was a bit of a showman at heart). The rocket's red glare in the bank and the bombs (and dynamite) bursting in air on the edge of town gave proof in the night that Kid and Kyle weren't too banged up (apols; couldn't resist). And yes, that doc on a holliday will never be easy to come by, will he?

Calico
Thanks for reposting this. It's been a while, but I laugh out loud every time I read it. So many great lines in your revisionist fairy tale, and now I can't get "Over the hills and far away" out of my head. The Seven--Professional, indeed (shades of Joe Sims!)! And then certain more familiar characters from the ASJ Ladies' Appreciation Society show up. The boys really are dreaming out of their gourd, or are they. LOL! Wonderful!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Tue Aug 14, 2018 11:49 am

And first outta the Rascal gate is...

Maz - Love the interview of the caretaker of some very old former outlaws who finally received the promised amnesty. You threw me for a while with recess, I gotta admit. And why the questions? I love that it's the grandson of Lom Trevors. Yep, if you're writing about Lom, you have to have at least one chapter about Heyes and Curry, two cute rascals. Loved it! sm

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Sat Aug 18, 2018 7:44 am

Maz: Rascals for sure! I loved the descriptions of both of them and the sadness that would float to the surface. Wasn't expecting Lom's grandson and got a chuckle of it. Thanks.

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PostSubject: Rascals   Sat Aug 18, 2018 11:00 am

Maz: I liked how you kept us wondering if they were describing the boys as young or old. Nice to know that they remained rascals their entire life. Nice to know they lived a long life. I can so very much see them as having a great old time in their later years. Lovely story.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Tue Aug 21, 2018 2:38 pm

Oh dear, Rosieann, poor Mrs Binford. She obviously knew nothing about Betsy Shocked
And when August got home sounds like the best china went flying.
I enjoyed that applause

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Wed Aug 22, 2018 6:55 am

RosieAnnie - So happy the Rascal bunny inspired you to write.  I LOVE missing scenes and this is a great one!  Part of me felt sorry for Mrs. Binford, even though she was stand-offish.  Interesting how she talked about her husband being gullible and yet even she was taken in by the diamond field.  Clever ruse on Heyes and Curry's part.   I have a feeling Mrs. Binford's world is going to be turned upside down.  Very good challenge!  yes

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PostSubject: Rascals   Fri Aug 24, 2018 6:53 pm

RosieAnnie:   What a fun story about quite a few rascals, our lovable boys as well as the even more rascally August Binford.  Your portrayal of his wife is perfect.  I can see him married to such an equally pompous woman as you portrayed her.  She also seems to be almost equally as gullible, at least where the boys are concerned.  I don’t know that I can blame her for that.  I do love the scene between Winifred and Margaret.  It was such a gossipy, small town discussion, where Winifred thinks herself so above everyone else, while her friend can almost not keep from bursting out with the truth.  My favorite line was:  “they have to be real because no crook would be stupid enough to make up suspicious names like that.“
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Calico

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Mon Aug 27, 2018 9:36 am


1) Maz

Hello there my occasional tea buddy.

Ah, dimples and blue eyes… that about sums it up.
I think you tricked us there… did you mean us to think they were in the orphanlage where really they are in an old folks home??

And a mention for dear old Lom too. Bless. Yup I think your red herring worked.


2) RosieAnnie


Well, Winifred Binford does have a point – she might have made a better job running the bank?? Though – might she have fallen for two charming rascals, too, huh?

She has fallen for them!! For the tale, anyhow. Mind you, they did have the real diamonds as proof.

Poor old Winifred… she is married to a snake. Thank you very much for that missing scene, Rosie. Like us, Margaret clearly wants Horace to get his come uppance.


3) Nebraska Wildfire


Hello there our current bandanny wearer.

Ooooh, so Rascal Flats is a little like Devil’s Hole but for a different gang?
Loving the lines… “What are you doing here?” “We’re running!”

Also loving McQueen pointing out the flaws of the deal they have with Governor.

Oh boys! My lip is wobbling. You are going to go rescue / warn that Sheriff aren’t you? My darling little good egg outlaws. And you do!! You pull them from the brink like heroes. What an action scene, Nebraska.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Thu Aug 30, 2018 1:19 pm

Nebraska Wildfire – Oh, I like the name Rascal Flats for an outlaw hideout!  The Kid has a point wondering if McQueen will welcome them with a posse.  Like how McQueen finds out how much money being honest makes and wonders if it’s a good deal.  What a persistent sheriff!  Well-written rescue!  Good for the Kid for insisting.  Loved it!

applause

Nightwalker – Hiding in a mine shaft from a posse… this sounds good.  The boys do get irritable with each other if holed away together too long.  OH OH!  Rocks and sand don’t sound good.  OH OH!  Voices in the mine.  Phew…Thank goodness Heyes peeked around the corner!  ARGH… a cliff hanger ending!  Nightwalker, you ARE gonna finish this somewhere, aren’t you?

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Fri Aug 31, 2018 10:01 pm

Maz:
Rascals, that’s what I thought. The first time I met them I could tell those two were gonna be trouble.”
Truer words were never spoken…but they’re the good kind of trouble!

I enjoyed this story. I like the fact that even near the end of their road they were still partners, still together. (That is definitely my head-canon.)

Your recess red-herring worked! I liked that it was Lom’s grandson.

Also, I wouldn’t have discounted them robbing trains because they were in their 80s, but only because they’d turned over a new leaf, like she said.  I think those two could be rascals at any age. :) Lovely story.
--

Rosieannie:
“Even if they’re not criminals, they certainly are clever rascals... Why would you believe anything those two would say?”

Because they’re very handsome and charming? ;)

As I told you on the other site, I truly enjoyed this missing scene. I think this would fit perfectly into the episode and I can very easily imagine August Binford married to Winifred. Excellent character development.
--

Nebraska Wildfire:
I laughed at the name of the outlaw camp. Rascal Flats is a much better outlaw hideout name than band name, in my opinion. Not that I have anything against the band.

“Hannibal Heyes, and this here is Kid Curry.” He nodded towards his cousin, whose eyes had widened with the actual truth coming out of Heyes’ mouth.
Hah! I laughed at this—it’s true he doesn’t open with that very often.

“Unless one of yous really is Kid Curry, doubt if you can get a bullet up the canyon without it hitting the wall and ricochetting back down on you.”  

Well of course the Kid could do it. It’s just that he shouldn’t. I love how Heyes cautions him not to do it.

This whole exchange: The Kid looked towards Heyes.
“No, Kid, we ain’t doin’ it.”  Heyes shook his head.

Was perfect. I could see it, it was so very them. Kid volunteering to go rescue the posse and Heyes resignedly going with him even though Kid had planned on going on his own.

Excellent action scene and when Kid stopped my heart did, too! (I think Heyes’ skipped a beat as well.) So glad they all made it. This was excellent.
--

Nightwalker *Jaw drops* That was my actual reaction to this story! Oh no, what a terrible place to end!! (Well, terrible in the sense that I really mean it's amazing for a cliff hanger.)

You have to finish this! Rather, please, please won’t you finish this? It’s masterfully suspenseful!
--
Penski:
They’re good boys in school some of the time…”

“But when they’re bad…”

“They’re rascals

That is really a perfect description of them...in school and otherwise. So cute, I can just see the two little rascals. Adorable! Are you continuing this? I loved hearing about their pranks. I can't even imagine having them in a classroom. Sheesh. :)
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Sat Sep 01, 2018 8:49 am

Maz: Everything you write is delicious to me, so I am coining a new phrase to describe your story; it was Mazalicious. I love the angle, that Lom's grandson is writing his biography. Now that's a book I'd pay cash money to read.

Nebraska Wildfire: I see that other people have remarked on the name Rascal Flats, and I join in that chorus. I can see that name as the title of a book: Rascal Flats, and those who passed through there. An anthology, of sorts. Anyway, to your story -- their entrance into Rascal Flats, and the way they were greeted by the gang and McQueen, made me wonder if that's how outlaws gained admittance to Devil's Hole. I don't know if Heyes and Curry would've risked themselves to members of a posse in the old days, but, at least after the promise of amnesty, you show that they have a basic decency that can even be self-sacrificing. Nice adventure story with character development and exposition.


Nightwalker: Looks like you got past your writer's block. Yay! Yes, tension and fear, combined with confinement, can make even good friends drive each other crazy. I like that girl, especially. But you left us hanging!! I hope you'll follow up this story. I want to know what happens next!


Penski: I feel a lot of sympathy for that teacher. Those two boys are definitely rascals, and they have some pretty clever ideas about causing innocent trouble. It sounds like she's having the common problem about keeping exceptionally smart students challenged. If they're bored, they get into trouble. Our boys were lucky to have a teacher who wanted to help them.


Elleree: What a fun story! So many of the teasing comments the boys made to each other seem to fit their relationship perfectly. The Howards are lovely people who don't take themselves too seriously. I could so easily picture Kid Curry trying to corral a recalcitrant rooster; wonderful descriptions there. Very enjoyable story.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Sat Sep 01, 2018 2:48 pm

Elleree - Mr Howard unfortunately reminds me of my grandpa - found his teeth in places you didn't want to, too.  Thankfully grandpa did keep better tabs of his two pairs of dentures.  Heyes should listen when the Kid gets uncomfortable.  Thankful that the Howards really liked them and helped them get away.  Wonderful descriptive writing of rooster & Curry and the get away.  Loved it!  sm

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PostSubject: Rascals   Sun Sep 02, 2018 7:31 am

Nightwalker:  I loved the tension of your story.  The conversation between the boys was great, and the suspense of them almost getting captured.  Then you give us the release of the realization it is just kids out playing, but then you immmeidately bring back the tension.  Will there be more to the story?


Penski:. So even when they are being mischievous little bad boys they are still good?  Such a sweet story.  I don’t know if I can feel bad for the teacher.  I know they could seem annoying, but they had to be endearing too.


Eleree:  Oh, your story just made me laugh.  Kid Curry facing down a chicken, and Hannibal Heyes just laughing off to the side, not offering much help.  That is such a delightful scene, yet so true to who they are.  I also loved the characterization of the Howards.  Have to love them if they help  the boys get away.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Mon Sep 03, 2018 12:02 am

Thank you for the comments! I really appreciate them.

Rosieannie: I love to write banter between the boys and I’m glad you could picture the Kid against the cockerel, heh. I’m generally not a full humor author so this was fun.

Penski: Ironically, the events in this chapter are loosely based on real life events involving my own grandfather. I figured if something like it happened to me, it could definitely happen to the boys. I agree that Heyes should listen when the Kid says he wants to go…but at least they got away!

Nebraska Wildfire: I’m glad you laughed! I usually do humor as a part of a different kind of story. Doing more humor mainly for humor’s sake was different for me—although I had to have a little action. And yes, when I was writing it, I knew it would be the Kid versus the rooster. Heyes would just find it too amusing to help.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Mon Sep 03, 2018 7:26 am

Maz - Wonderful challenge. I absolutely love the interview. Nice to learn that the really important things never changed in their life ;-)

Rosie Annie - Nice missing scene. Winifred Binford is a wonderful character. She truly should have had an appearance in the show. Maybe she would have really made a much better bank president than her husband. However, in the end August gets what he deserves in every way :-)

Nebraska Wildfire –
I really like your expressive descriptive language that creates instantly detailed pictures in my mind. Like the dialogues. Like the atmosphere. McQueen is another character I would have loved to see in the show, really like him.

Penski – Beautiful story. I always like to hear of the boy’s childhood days. Miss Werner must have had a hard time with those two special students. I guess that counts for most of the neighbors, too.

Elleree – Wonderful light-hearted story. You pictured the boys so well. The Duel between the rooster and the Kid is wonderful and so is the ongoing hunt for the teeth. I really enjoyed it.


It will be hard to choose a favorite story this month.


And ‘yes’ to all who asked – I’m working on continuation of my own story. It will just need some time.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Mon Sep 03, 2018 9:21 pm

Nightwalker: Thank you for the kinds words. I had fun writing a light story. I'm glad you're working on a continuation of your story! You have us all at the edge of our seats. :)
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Tue Sep 04, 2018 8:29 am

RosieAnnie: Excellent added scene! I just love how you bring your stories and characters to life so thoroughly and succinctly. Mrs. Winifred Binford is just what I would expect her to be--completely proper, rigid, and all too secure about her station in her world. Poor Margaret, having to maintain a polite interest while internally dissecting the conversation and wondering whether she had responsibilities to live up to. The entire scene was a lesson in civility.

Nebraska Wildfire: So that's how the band got its name, lol. Thank goodness for old friends and fast horses. Nice twist at the end, too. I didn't see that coming.

Nightwalker: A cliffhanger! Can we hope for a continuance? Lots of nice description here and I loved the misdirection.

Penski: I can't imagine trying to teach those two as children--they could drive a schoolmarm to drink something stronger than tea. But somehow I doubt her plan will work, more likely they'll spend the time hatching more schemes.

Elleree: I'm loving the false teeth sagas and your reference to the earlier story. This one had me chuckling throughout and wondering where it was going. Very clever plotting and use of the prompt. You had the boys nicely in character, too. Thanks for the fun!




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Location : Birmingham

PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Tue Sep 04, 2018 10:17 am



4) Nightwalker

Oooh, more posse evasion – this time in a mine shaft. Not too much raising of voices boys

This is very tense Nightwalker – I can hear them freezing as the sounds echo.

So, are the Sherriff and Deputy bickering a little like our two boys… Or…
You tricked us Nightwalker – well done.

Oh!! A cliff hanger! Or should that be tunnel hanger – the opposite – smile.

Very well paced at the end there.


.
5) Penski


Our two little rascals are all young again. Just how I like them.

Ah, wise advice from the café owner. (Though, I think Heyes may need more than that – could he maybe set the National Curriculum?)



6) Elleree

Careful editing indeed! What did we all do before word counter.

Those dang teeth!! I really feel for Mrs. Howard - other people (read husbands) constantly losing stuff and expecting you to find it.

Bless!! Kid is having a stand-off with a Rooster.

Cocky. Hen-pecked. Oh, Heyes. That is so poultry of you.

Love that both boys find teeth! And he had a set all the time… Rolls eyes.

What a shame the boys feel they have to leave. This is such a sweet, friendly interlude.

And the teeth turn into a posse distraction – clever!




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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    

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