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Penski
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Tue Oct 03, 2017 12:51 pm

nm131 – What a wonderful tale and so creative!  It was a birthday treat and secret Santa all rolled up in one.  I never pictured the Devil’s Hole Gang being so creative, but, I guess, they’ve had to be resourceful and it showed.  Back in the day, many were more resourceful than today.  I loved how the Kid saw a potential problem and was fixing it.  Though they probably wouldn’t admit it, the gang is tight and family.  If one member ain’t happy, the rest aren’t happy.  Another great challenge!


applause


Cornelia May – An old, grumpy man… Would be sad to see your spouse and all your friends die and give up your cherished few possessions.  That’s a lot of wars to see come and go.  How I picture your challenge ending is Heyes goes to bed and sees all of his loved ones calling him home.  The nurse finds him the next morning with a smile on his face.  A sweet challenge!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Wed Oct 04, 2017 2:16 pm

Each and every one of the September challenge entries was a TREASURE!  Clapping for all of this month's writers. applause

Maz - You had me wondering, at first, if we were in the past looking forward, or in the present looking back.  But long before the end, you had me reeled right into your precious challenge.  Loved it! barn

Cal - What a fun tale!  I thought maybe we were being treated to an early Halloween when Mary Shelley's name first came up.  franken  I giggled at the "don't speak much Mexican" line!


WichitaRed - Very cute and very funny!  Lots of giggling at the line, "Nice pistol."   draw This next line also had a really nice feel to it:   Then for a long while, he stared out across the cabin’s yard and anyone watching would have said, they could see the gears turning, as he worked out ideas, twisting them around until they suited him.


Nebraska Wildfire - Gotta love those fellas, Hotchkiss and Rembacker!  This line was quite fitting:  “Now let us work on the feast for the prodigal sons’ return.  I don’t think we have a fattened calf, but maybe some beef stew will serve just as well." but the closing line of the story hit the spot perfectly!  Loved this story in all its sweet, gentle splendor. racoons


nm131 - What a great challenge!  The story is wonderful, but the ideas you came up with for each gang member's gift are nothing short of GENIUS!  Two thumbs up, nm. cowboyclap


Cornelia May - Sad that Heyes had to see all his friends die before he did.   Nice sentimental story.  I liked how you worded the nurse's line that reflected the prompt:  "Well, trash to us is better left as family treasures to you and yours."


Penski - Good old hardtack.  Even though it's not chocked full of modern-day preservatives, the stuff probably lasts longer than Hostess Twinkies.  eat  I was wondering about the town called "Total Wreck."  Glad you included the history in your notes, and sheesh, the story of the love letters and the bullet could make a mighty fine nice novel in itself!  Great challenge story, Penski!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Wed Oct 04, 2017 2:31 pm

Nebraska Wildfire - Just found your extra story in the overflow area. study Loved it! Thanks for sharing! thankyou

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Thu Oct 05, 2017 2:27 pm

Overspill Area

Nebraska Wildfire –
What a sad and sweet story wrapped into one. How horrible that one would deny love to a child because he was of Irish descent. I feel for Emma being married to Joe. The sisters appear to be loving and that’s what two young boys need right now. Curious how/why they leave the orphanage in your story line. Loved it!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Fri Oct 06, 2017 12:24 pm

Nebraska Wildfire – Please tell me you’re going to continue this challenge into a story. What a spooky story! Love how the present and the past get rolled into one. (Can I see the boys some night near my house, please?) Annie is a brave one to stop, even with all her precautions. I can Heyes being curious about the flashlight but making sure the light is on his partner getting looked at. Not sure why Heyes and Curry know about vehicles and not “what the heck was that!” about futuristic things. Maybe an expansion of the challenge would clarify that. Great Halloween challenge! tombstone

FYI… Don’t know who Zac Bagans is.


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Fri Oct 06, 2017 4:42 pm

Nebraska Wildfire- Please, please, please continue this. I am intreagued by the fact Heyes and the Kid know what cars are, and I love the bit about Heyes looking a little perplexed by the flashlight. Really want to know what happens next.

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PostSubject: Fog and more   Sat Oct 07, 2017 10:32 pm

Thanks very much for the kind comments on the story I posted this month and the one I put in the overspill last month.

As for “Fog”, yes, there is more to this story, including a following scene which further describes the boys’ reaction to the car.  Research I did on automobiles for that scene showed there were working prototypes of internal combustion engines during the boys’ time, and cars that predated the boys, like steam powered ones, etc.  With Heyes’ interest in emerging technology, due to better safes, etc. he might have spent some of those long winters in Devil’s Hole reading about such things.  
The story was inspired by a real life event similar to Annie’s.  No, unfortunately, I didn’t get a visit from the boys, but I did encounter a train rolling out of the fog on my way to work one morning.  The story just called to be written.

Penski:  My story about the boys leaving the sisters in Valparaiso was posted in the challenge for April this year, “There’s a formula ...”. I wrote it as a stand alone story, not intending that it would spawn several more stories.  Whether it contains justification for them leaving and ending up in the life they eventually did, I’m still deciding.  
It is how my story arc with the sisters started.  FYI - Sister Madeleva, Sister Pat, Sister Rita, and Sister Cecelia are all based on sisters I knew, so I’m rather fond of them.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:33 pm

NW: Awestruck comments, indeed. What a marvelous first line, then what a marvelous textual image that so recalls the visual image of the boys (or their stunt doubles :)) and the train in the opening.

Also this: "One of the men jumping from the train had the distinctive silver conchos on his hat, and the other had light reflecting off the silver on the brown hat right in front of her. The memory was so sharp, it was almost like an old photographic negative." This is how I felt the first time I watched an episode THIS time around, almost the shock of intense familiarity even though I hadn't seen an episode in about 30 years.

I mean "The train emerged from the rolling fog like a passageway between times, a conduit between past and future, between choices taken, and those not realized." Wow. I want to read more about those choices! I think they foreshadow more than the choices of trusting the strange woman and her vehicle/strange men to not hurt her.

I also like how I didn't know for a few paragraphs at first which time period I was in.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Tue Oct 10, 2017 2:19 pm

Nebraska Wildfire -I'm not normally a fan of time travel or supernatural fiction but for every rule there are exceptions. This beginning is intriguing starting with the absolute imagery of the partners and the train appearing and disappearing from the fog - a nice change of atmosphere from "It was a dark and stormy night." I want to know more abut Annie and about Heyes and Curry in this place and time. You managed to convey a sense of unease with the strange situation while each individual is projecting confidence. I look forward to reading more.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Sun Oct 15, 2017 10:17 pm

WR-I swear, these stories just get better and better. I don't want to give anything away, but you sure rivaled yourself for "best line" with Kid's line in this month's story too :)

Also such a neat placement of the "pretty good bad men" reference!

Excellent pacing, the tension between the long ride and the humor. Just excellent all around.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Tue Oct 17, 2017 6:36 pm

Nebraska wildfire, Halloween
Normally, I only like my stories to be during the Amnestyor outlaw days. But I was enchanted by yours, I loved your description of everything dealing with Annie’s every daylife, probably because were both from the Midwest and all rang so true. I kind of wondered which Kansas’ song she was listening to you… Me it would’ve been carry-on wayward son
Anyway as we all knew it was the boys who jumped off the train, I was just curious how she would come in contact with them. Your descriptions were wonderful and characterizations perfect. Like the way she was finding herself being charmed by Joshua. But then you just left us hanging, makes me wonder where you’re going next. Thank you for sharing
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PostSubject: Halloween    Tue Oct 17, 2017 7:58 pm

WichitaRed:  I’m so enjoying your expertise telling tales of their outlaw days, action packed, but still so on target with the characterization.  I liked the Hannibal Heyes plan that included Kid Curry plans too.  They do work so well together, don’t they? And the best line doesn’t go to our silver tongued devil? I also liked how you brought in the historical point.  Was it about the Texas Rangers?

And thanks very much for the kind comments on my tale for this challenge.  I just couldn’t resist putting the reference to Kansas in it.  Yes, Carry On would probably fit our favorite Wayward Sons best, but as I’m a devoted fan of Kansas too, it could have been any of theirs. I often think Hold On or Play the Game Tonight would fit for the boys. With the fog and dark atmosphere of the story though, maybe it should be Dust in the Wind ...
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Tue Oct 17, 2017 8:06 pm

Nebraska
Dusk in the wind would apply, but almost seems too cliché. I like Chuck full description fog and even iincline the trainbed...Your description was really good. Thank you for your comments regarding my own story and I’m glad you’re enjoying it.  I try to make sure to include both of them within a story, although I’m not sure how curry keeps swipe on the really good lines. It is quite the challenge not know where I’m going month-to-month until I see the challenge come up. He learned from the Calvery, that was what the line about the yellow stripe wearing soldiers.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Thu Oct 19, 2017 9:01 pm

Wichita Red – Oh, I love outlaw stories. That Curry is such a gentleman with the ladies. Loved the set up to the robbery, even the detail of the Kid flipping the sign to “closed”. Great how the victim is memorizing Heyes’ face only to pale when Heyes announces who he is. They certainly weren’t shy. No wonder there could be enough folks throughout the West who remembered seeing them at a robbery. I’d be worried if I was Wheat, too. No one does revenge as good as Heyes. Love how you can ride a horse for a long time by varying the gait. Oh, so that’s how you got in Halloween. I was wondering how the monthly theme was going to present itself. Really enjoyed this story! two thumbs

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Thu Oct 26, 2017 8:48 pm

nm131 - You come up with some of the most interesting plots! Who (but you, obviously) would have Heyes and Curry meeting and assisting East Indians? This portion of a longer story looks great and I can't wait to read the rest. Whatcha reading this comment for? Get writing!
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PostSubject: Halloween   Fri Oct 27, 2017 10:18 am

nm131:  The story has such an interesting and unique plot, but it is still so within the boys'  normal scope, protecting jewel merchants, as well as educating them about the West.  Sometimes you have to wonder how they ever managed to rob anyone, as kind as they are to people.  It is such a viable  plot, with the family traveling to meet relatives in California.  And you leave us all on the edge of our seats, with the law on the train too, just ready to capture our boys!  I'm definitely waiting to hear more about this interesting family.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Sat Oct 28, 2017 7:59 am

Calico Halloween
Great story telling on Hannibal’s behalf…really enjoyed his atmospheric settings. Have to admit I got into Heyes’ story as much as the boys did. Ooooh, quite the twist with the boys seeing what they did in the window. I agree with Mary, when her two oldest boys start staring at the window…it is quite enough. Here we know, OUR boys are outside the window, and knowing what they could see… what they weren’t and could not have was tragic. But, ohhhh you put it into words too. Sad tale…thanks of sharing.

Favorite Lines
“I DID tell you, I hoped I might meet a real bad one – or two. Or ten. No, really, where d’you reckon we’d be?”
What is with you and that window? It’s like talking to a dang spinning top.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Sat Oct 28, 2017 8:01 am

Alias Alice Halloween
A fun, fast paced Halloween Ghost story. It is wonderful how people can scare themselves more than the actual ghost could… really got themselves whipped up into the moment. I could see your cast so clearly, shaky and terrified on stage. Love how Kid ended up at the play, even though, he had said without at doubt, no…. sometimes not sure why he even tries… considering his partner and all. Thank you for sharing

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Sat Oct 28, 2017 8:01 am

Nm131 Halloween
Great set up, you can feel Heyes’ annoyance at the whole situation. Do love that Kid does not see himself as Lancelot, who two-timed his best friend. If fitted so perfectly with who Kid is. Poor boys, as usual, nothing goes easily for them. . . would like to know why the Marshal got such a good look at Heyes in their previous encounter. Ohhhhh, you are going to leave it right there, I see. Maybe we will be learning more. Unique story, in this I refer to bringing forth cultural elements we have not encountered in the past. Good start on what is sure to be an interesting tale. Thank you for sharing.

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The horses stamped uneasily amid the red and gold leaves swirling around their legs as the two men talked.
No, it is you that are mistaken, Mr. Smith. Mr. Jones agreed to go all the way to the big city ……
Mr. Smith was somewhat a harder sell, but Manjot liked a challenge, he was sure it only remained a question of the price.
A moment of doubt rose up as Heyes recalled Curry’s stubborn adherence to his code of honorable behavior, that going straight had only reinforced.
Heyes grumbled to himself, something about a hungry Kid Curry thinking with parts of his anatomy other than his brain.
Heyes was immune to the blue-eyed gunslinger’s glare

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Sat Oct 28, 2017 5:00 pm

Whichita Red - Another chapter up to usual high standards. Loved the look at the Robbery with all the detailed mannerisms we'd recognize, Curry tipping his hat with the gun barrel, Wheat's bumbling competence, and Heyes' brash confidence and panache. No wonder they made such an impression that would haunt them later. Pretty neat get-a-way with timing and pacing the horses. And the ending was just perfect!

"But then a smile erupted on Heyes’ face that brought to mind the evil that Halloween hinted of and pointing a finger at Wheat, he turned away walking into the party.

“Like I said, before---”

“I know, Kid, you wouldn’t want to be me.”"


Nope, Heyes knows that revenge is a dish better served cold. And he is a master at it.

Alias Alice - Nice spooky story for Halloween. I think we all knew that despite Kid's protestations he would be attending the play with Heyes. Liked how you supplied the spectural spooky factor via the hotel clerk, he certainly seemed genuinely afraid. It must have been some haunting with the town not only building a new town hall but building at the opposite side of town.

Calico - Wow, what a privilege for you to join in with a story this month. It is much appreciated. Nice ordinary future with professional accomplishments for Heyes and Kid the satisfied family man as a might has been. The names of the children brought fond memories of your childhood series stories. The partner's basic personalities are still there Heyes' drive to succeed and make something memorable of himself and his love of solving a puzzle - only this time it's diseases and Kid's amiability and good managerial skills. I liked how you brought the doppelgangers into the story - we knew who they would be - the unease, the wondering if they settled contrasted with the lonely, hunted and yearning present faces looking in shut out from comfort.

P.S. The mustache makes me shudder, too!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Sun Oct 29, 2017 4:44 pm

I will get to them all I promise but just had to say..wow Calico that was worth the wait :)
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PostSubject: Halloween   Tue Oct 31, 2017 10:18 am

I'm so far behind this month...need to get my skates on and catch up...at least I couldn't have chosen a better date to do some spooky reading...

NBW - I've read this one haven't I....well it was worth a second reading. Loved the Uber reference...bang up to date then.... but I still get to see the old freight carriages roll by and the two shadowy forms we know so well jump off. And it is never a bad idea to stay up late and watch a Western. I have to say...all the shenanigans with hand guns seemed very peculiar to a Brit like me... we'd stick our heads out and call "Are you OK...do you need a lift?" lol.... but it adds a certain tension that would be lost if you transplanted the action to the Home Counties I guess. I like Annie, and she seems to have taken to the boys.... OOOh Heyes noticed the vehicle she was sat in. I def want to know what happens next....this could be a trip!

Whitchy-taRed - Oh so exciting...straight bang into the middle of a hold up.... sounding cocky aren't they...Good twist...the gentle retreat. And Wheat is still worried about the prank he pulled on Heyes.... well so he should be. Loving the sage advice on making a long journey on horseback.... much more sense than a flat out gallop... and Kids insistence on grooming. Kid gets some fab lines in this Red...and love the ending... Poor Wheat... wouldn't want to be him either.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Tue Oct 31, 2017 1:34 pm


1) Nebraska Wildfire


An old caboose! train I saw an old caboose in the railway museum.

Oh Annie, you are hunting for ghostly outlaws there ?? But they are gentlemen so I think you are safe.

Heyes is flashing his dimples – what’s not to like? Liking Heyes a little bemused by the flash light.

Ooooooh … intriguing. The boys have time shifted. Very interesting start, Nebraska.



2) WichitaRed

Hello Bandanny Winner!! All snug and cosy is it?? Good.

Loving that Wheat also wants a name check with the clerk. Ooooh – army tricks for how to get the most miles out of a horse thrown . Clever.
You got the pretty good, bad men quote in – Hurrah!

Ah, the good time gals are dressed up for Halloween. The boys can go as – as outlaws!

So – we are still waiting to see if Heyes takes revenge on Wheat. (If he does – hope it is gentle, as it WAS funny)


3) Nm131

Ah, going for a curry. A fine british tradition.

Aww… the boys cannot there are train robbers around. Smile.

Not that it’s any of my business but is Amandeep a unisex name? There’s an Amandeep in our team and she’s all woman.

Currying favour?? Groan! Rolling Eyes

Cheer up Heyes – the Kid is right, you hate ranch work,

So the Marshall is on the Kid’s trail whatever the costume cunning used??? Oooooh… Tension ahead!!


.
4) Alias Alice

The woman in blue? Hmmmm….? Smile.

Love the Gilligan’s cut of Kid definitely not going – then strolling away from the performance.

It’s a real ghost!! Whhhhhoooooo! scared Good job the boys have a bottle.

Clever tale there, Alias.



5) Calico

Hello you old fleabag. strcat We all thought you’d lost your keyboard for ever. Heyes been reading Edgar Allen Poe has he?



6) Cornelia May


The cavalry slaughtered all the boys??? reaper Nooooooooo!

Now then, this big dog, Bear… Will he just go up and lick Ghost Kid’s hand??

Oooh. So who is the female voice? Is it Cornelia?

Intriguing.


7) Maz

Hello there occasional day out buddy. The cats have let you at your keyboard too, huh?

Oh, shades of The McCreedy Bust, Going, Going, Gone.

Erm … Has Owen turned into Hal here? OHHHHH! Doh!

Hal Owen. And a ghost challenger. I really, really liked that. You are a clever puss.



8) Cal

Oh, poor old Heyes. Another story, another bullet.

Bunnies? Wonderland? Hmmm.

I got a name check!! And the Mazkin. Yeah, she likes to pepper the Kid every so often.

Cal, this is clever. I am a laughing here. Yeah, mine is a fluffy sentimental bunny bunnysuit okay this month.

Oh, Cal. Love your modest little bunny. Yes round up story Heyes and put him back.

Clapping hard here. That’s it Heyes. You dream on.



RIGHT JUST WAITING FOR THE WIRE DODGERS NOW catbroom


TRICK OR TREAT!!
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PostSubject: Halloween   Tue Oct 31, 2017 5:20 pm

Happy Halloween to all.  Such a lovely batch of stories for me to read as I hand out treats tonight.

Alias Alice: A perfectly spooky tale for tonight, real ghosts and curses and whatnot, oh my.

Calico: I loved Heyes’ storytelling with the young children, Mary being a typical mom, telling them there had been enough spookiness for the night.  You present us with such a lovely lives for the boys, but then leave us with the specter of them living a very different life, and how cold and lonely that could be.  Nice atmospheric piece for the night.

Cornelia May: Yes!  Ghost Hunters!  Another series I used to watch with my son.  I’d love to do an overnight ghost hunt somewhere out west like Hole in the Wall or Robbers Roost.  My favorite part was the three blasts of the horn at Dead Line Point. Have to keep those ghosts happy...

Maz:  Hal Owen?  lol2   My favorite line: I’m not that brave.

Cal:. The beginning of your story had sucked me in, boot full of blood, I was expecting an angst filled story, and ... bunnies?  I decided the Kid was right and bunnies were perfect.  I’ve had some RL challenges recently, so Heyes arguing with ladies with bunnies was lovely for me to read.  It gave me a smile when I needed one.
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PostSubject: More Halloween   Wed Nov 01, 2017 1:48 am

Nm131 - This sounds like there's been previous action and gun play.... I want to read that... I think that Heyes has met someone nearly as wiley as himself....and Kid's been talking to the daughter? Of course he has lol. Loving the type face for the Indian language....cool. Mr. Jones is most excellent with his gun. ...hehe.. love that. Loving the banter in the barn....never thought of the Indian/ Native American dilemma ...guess that was a real danger for them. And it got me thinking...how lucky is Kid Curry to have a bookish partner that shares such stories as King Arthur with him.... he doesn't even have to read the books! So Heyes gets a free lesson in horse trading... after Brimstone, that's just as well. WOW...he did learn.....not trying to buy back their own horses this time! Loving the thought of a Punjabi Kid. Looking forward to more from the train. excellent ref section.
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