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Penski
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Tue Oct 03, 2017 12:51 pm

nm131 – What a wonderful tale and so creative!  It was a birthday treat and secret Santa all rolled up in one.  I never pictured the Devil’s Hole Gang being so creative, but, I guess, they’ve had to be resourceful and it showed.  Back in the day, many were more resourceful than today.  I loved how the Kid saw a potential problem and was fixing it.  Though they probably wouldn’t admit it, the gang is tight and family.  If one member ain’t happy, the rest aren’t happy.  Another great challenge!


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Cornelia May – An old, grumpy man… Would be sad to see your spouse and all your friends die and give up your cherished few possessions.  That’s a lot of wars to see come and go.  How I picture your challenge ending is Heyes goes to bed and sees all of his loved ones calling him home.  The nurse finds him the next morning with a smile on his face.  A sweet challenge!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Wed Oct 04, 2017 2:16 pm

Each and every one of the September challenge entries was a TREASURE!  Clapping for all of this month's writers. applause

Maz - You had me wondering, at first, if we were in the past looking forward, or in the present looking back.  But long before the end, you had me reeled right into your precious challenge.  Loved it! barn

Cal - What a fun tale!  I thought maybe we were being treated to an early Halloween when Mary Shelley's name first came up.  franken  I giggled at the "don't speak much Mexican" line!


WichitaRed - Very cute and very funny!  Lots of giggling at the line, "Nice pistol."   draw This next line also had a really nice feel to it:   Then for a long while, he stared out across the cabin’s yard and anyone watching would have said, they could see the gears turning, as he worked out ideas, twisting them around until they suited him.


Nebraska Wildfire - Gotta love those fellas, Hotchkiss and Rembacker!  This line was quite fitting:  “Now let us work on the feast for the prodigal sons’ return.  I don’t think we have a fattened calf, but maybe some beef stew will serve just as well." but the closing line of the story hit the spot perfectly!  Loved this story in all its sweet, gentle splendor. racoons


nm131 - What a great challenge!  The story is wonderful, but the ideas you came up with for each gang member's gift are nothing short of GENIUS!  Two thumbs up, nm. cowboyclap


Cornelia May - Sad that Heyes had to see all his friends die before he did.   Nice sentimental story.  I liked how you worded the nurse's line that reflected the prompt:  "Well, trash to us is better left as family treasures to you and yours."


Penski - Good old hardtack.  Even though it's not chocked full of modern-day preservatives, the stuff probably lasts longer than Hostess Twinkies.  eat  I was wondering about the town called "Total Wreck."  Glad you included the history in your notes, and sheesh, the story of the love letters and the bullet could make a mighty fine nice novel in itself!  Great challenge story, Penski!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Wed Oct 04, 2017 2:31 pm

Nebraska Wildfire - Just found your extra story in the overflow area. study Loved it! Thanks for sharing! thankyou

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Thu Oct 05, 2017 2:27 pm

Overspill Area

Nebraska Wildfire –
What a sad and sweet story wrapped into one. How horrible that one would deny love to a child because he was of Irish descent. I feel for Emma being married to Joe. The sisters appear to be loving and that’s what two young boys need right now. Curious how/why they leave the orphanage in your story line. Loved it!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Fri Oct 06, 2017 12:24 pm

Nebraska Wildfire – Please tell me you’re going to continue this challenge into a story. What a spooky story! Love how the present and the past get rolled into one. (Can I see the boys some night near my house, please?) Annie is a brave one to stop, even with all her precautions. I can Heyes being curious about the flashlight but making sure the light is on his partner getting looked at. Not sure why Heyes and Curry know about vehicles and not “what the heck was that!” about futuristic things. Maybe an expansion of the challenge would clarify that. Great Halloween challenge! tombstone

FYI… Don’t know who Zac Bagans is.


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Fri Oct 06, 2017 4:42 pm

Nebraska Wildfire- Please, please, please continue this. I am intreagued by the fact Heyes and the Kid know what cars are, and I love the bit about Heyes looking a little perplexed by the flashlight. Really want to know what happens next.

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PostSubject: Fog and more   Sat Oct 07, 2017 10:32 pm

Thanks very much for the kind comments on the story I posted this month and the one I put in the overspill last month.

As for “Fog”, yes, there is more to this story, including a following scene which further describes the boys’ reaction to the car.  Research I did on automobiles for that scene showed there were working prototypes of internal combustion engines during the boys’ time, and cars that predated the boys, like steam powered ones, etc.  With Heyes’ interest in emerging technology, due to better safes, etc. he might have spent some of those long winters in Devil’s Hole reading about such things.  
The story was inspired by a real life event similar to Annie’s.  No, unfortunately, I didn’t get a visit from the boys, but I did encounter a train rolling out of the fog on my way to work one morning.  The story just called to be written.

Penski:  My story about the boys leaving the sisters in Valparaiso was posted in the challenge for April this year, “There’s a formula ...”. I wrote it as a stand alone story, not intending that it would spawn several more stories.  Whether it contains justification for them leaving and ending up in the life they eventually did, I’m still deciding.  
It is how my story arc with the sisters started.  FYI - Sister Madeleva, Sister Pat, Sister Rita, and Sister Cecelia are all based on sisters I knew, so I’m rather fond of them.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:33 pm

NW: Awestruck comments, indeed. What a marvelous first line, then what a marvelous textual image that so recalls the visual image of the boys (or their stunt doubles :)) and the train in the opening.

Also this: "One of the men jumping from the train had the distinctive silver conchos on his hat, and the other had light reflecting off the silver on the brown hat right in front of her. The memory was so sharp, it was almost like an old photographic negative." This is how I felt the first time I watched an episode THIS time around, almost the shock of intense familiarity even though I hadn't seen an episode in about 30 years.

I mean "The train emerged from the rolling fog like a passageway between times, a conduit between past and future, between choices taken, and those not realized." Wow. I want to read more about those choices! I think they foreshadow more than the choices of trusting the strange woman and her vehicle/strange men to not hurt her.

I also like how I didn't know for a few paragraphs at first which time period I was in.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Tue Oct 10, 2017 2:19 pm

Nebraska Wildfire -I'm not normally a fan of time travel or supernatural fiction but for every rule there are exceptions. This beginning is intriguing starting with the absolute imagery of the partners and the train appearing and disappearing from the fog - a nice change of atmosphere from "It was a dark and stormy night." I want to know more abut Annie and about Heyes and Curry in this place and time. You managed to convey a sense of unease with the strange situation while each individual is projecting confidence. I look forward to reading more.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Sun Oct 15, 2017 10:17 pm

WR-I swear, these stories just get better and better. I don't want to give anything away, but you sure rivaled yourself for "best line" with Kid's line in this month's story too :)

Also such a neat placement of the "pretty good bad men" reference!

Excellent pacing, the tension between the long ride and the humor. Just excellent all around.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Tue Oct 17, 2017 6:36 pm

Nebraska wildfire, Halloween
Normally, I only like my stories to be during the Amnestyor outlaw days. But I was enchanted by yours, I loved your description of everything dealing with Annie’s every daylife, probably because were both from the Midwest and all rang so true. I kind of wondered which Kansas’ song she was listening to you… Me it would’ve been carry-on wayward son
Anyway as we all knew it was the boys who jumped off the train, I was just curious how she would come in contact with them. Your descriptions were wonderful and characterizations perfect. Like the way she was finding herself being charmed by Joshua. But then you just left us hanging, makes me wonder where you’re going next. Thank you for sharing
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PostSubject: Halloween    Tue Oct 17, 2017 7:58 pm

WichitaRed:  I’m so enjoying your expertise telling tales of their outlaw days, action packed, but still so on target with the characterization.  I liked the Hannibal Heyes plan that included Kid Curry plans too.  They do work so well together, don’t they? And the best line doesn’t go to our silver tongued devil? I also liked how you brought in the historical point.  Was it about the Texas Rangers?

And thanks very much for the kind comments on my tale for this challenge.  I just couldn’t resist putting the reference to Kansas in it.  Yes, Carry On would probably fit our favorite Wayward Sons best, but as I’m a devoted fan of Kansas too, it could have been any of theirs. I often think Hold On or Play the Game Tonight would fit for the boys. With the fog and dark atmosphere of the story though, maybe it should be Dust in the Wind ...
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Tue Oct 17, 2017 8:06 pm

Nebraska
Dusk in the wind would apply, but almost seems too cliché. I like Chuck full description fog and even iincline the trainbed...Your description was really good. Thank you for your comments regarding my own story and I’m glad you’re enjoying it.  I try to make sure to include both of them within a story, although I’m not sure how curry keeps swipe on the really good lines. It is quite the challenge not know where I’m going month-to-month until I see the challenge come up. He learned from the Calvery, that was what the line about the yellow stripe wearing soldiers.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments 2nd Sept 17 to    Thu Oct 19, 2017 9:01 pm

Wichita Red – Oh, I love outlaw stories. That Curry is such a gentleman with the ladies. Loved the set up to the robbery, even the detail of the Kid flipping the sign to “closed”. Great how the victim is memorizing Heyes’ face only to pale when Heyes announces who he is. They certainly weren’t shy. No wonder there could be enough folks throughout the West who remembered seeing them at a robbery. I’d be worried if I was Wheat, too. No one does revenge as good as Heyes. Love how you can ride a horse for a long time by varying the gait. Oh, so that’s how you got in Halloween. I was wondering how the monthly theme was going to present itself. Really enjoyed this story! two thumbs

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