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 Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17

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Cal

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PostSubject: Under the Tree   Sat Dec 31, 2016 2:19 pm

Probably shouldn't be checking in here at this time....had a few flu busting snifters but hey ho, tis the season and all that....happy New Year to all x

RosieAnnie - Another lovely challenge from your talented pen.  I was worried about who was in the grave.....(Pot....kettle ...right!....I'm going to have to eat a lot of humble pie to get forgiven for my tale this month....ooops)

Love that you got Donner in there... I tried that too in my tale Yuma... What a brilliant actor to create a character we all cared about in so few appearances....add to that all the other roles he played in the series...
I'm glad Heyes saw the need to jump in and stop Kid trying to defend the indefensible.... must have been quite a decision to risk contacting the funeral home after the hanging. Love the last drink together... for old times... and the talk of how things went bad for some that didn't have the presence of mind ... or were too far in drink to change as they aged.... or grew up.
“You really been thinking about this, haven’t you?”
Think you should include yourself in that one Rosie... well done another really thought provoking challenge for the end of the year. sm

Reflective lot aren't we.
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cac



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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sat Dec 31, 2016 10:14 pm

Penski- WHEW! Great ending! Love the jail cell solution :)
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Calico

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sun Jan 01, 2017 12:42 am




8) Cac


Baaaaaaa.
I always assume that plaintive bleating kinda gets on the boys’ nerves too.
A woman giving birth in a stable?? C’mon Cac, you coulda picked something Christmassy like the other ladies. Snirt.
Oh I say.
That was good.
And not overdone. I mean you didn’t feel the need to put ‘messenger’ type explanations for us. Wish I’d written that one.




9) Remuda

Very evocative Remuda, with Heyes all reflective. I’m liking the drawing of the trail routine which is most of the days in between their adventures.



10) RosieAnnie

Ooooh, so who’s grave is this they are paying for??
Preacher! Oh – lip wobble. Mind you, I don’t think he really listened to the government guidance on alcohol units.

Loving Kid being thirsty but not for lemonade.
Also loving them not looking back – literally or metaphorically.



11) Penski

Here she is! Flirting with that wire on New Years Eve.

Dear, dear Lom. This news from the governor he has… it’s IT isn’t it?

But, but, but… how are our boys? Oh, I think if they can swallow they’ll be okay.
Sniffle. Frank is another good Sherriff. I like good Sherriffs.

And we are getting a convalescent Christmas. Awwwwww. Can we go nurse them?
Lom wrapped their amnesty under the tree???!! I love him. Once again – awwwww.
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Cal

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PostSubject: Under the tree   Sun Jan 01, 2017 2:54 am

Penski - Oh so glad you decided to resolve this one....I can go back and re-read the first thrilling installment now...such a coward scared ...I thought Lom's ride to their rescue was very apt...What must have been going through his head... Glad he took them in..... THE JAILHOUSE!.... and then stage managed the perfect presents... excited applause
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sun Jan 01, 2017 9:00 am

Penski: Thank you! Starting the New Year with a Happy ending, and not the kind that I hear about in the massage therapy business. I was one of those who was distraught at the sad story from last month, and I'm so glad that you got Lom, and a concerned sheriff, to come to the rescue.

Cal: You are the quickest out of the gate by a country mile! So interesting to me how they had the smarts to toss all their possessions over that gap, lightening the load on their horses. You really got me thinking about our boys, though. Four thousand dollars and more could have bought them property, a business, a ranch, something, to be self-sustaining. After that harrowing experience, they might have said, we got plenty to live on, let's quit this robbing life. Instead, they went on. I wonder if our boys became addicted to the thrill of danger, of getting away with something, and the money was almost irrelevant? Anyway, it's making bunnies hop big time.

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cac



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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sun Jan 01, 2017 9:04 pm

Cal-I read that through in one big gulp. Heyes' intensity and urgency immediately hooked me. Love this line: "He just had to get Kid mad enough at him, to follow him, first." Yep-great characterization and relationship, not just plot.

And following what RosieAnnie wrote, they could have made such a different choice with the money, at least Heyes hearing what he's thinking. But no. And your last line--it needs a follow-up story! I'd like to see how things go from that decision of HH's to what we know actually developed.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Mon Jan 02, 2017 7:52 am

Penski: When I started this sequel, the old saying, "if I didn't have bad luck, I'd have no luck at all" kept popping into my head, but you brought it all around nicely and gave us an uplifting finish for the new year. It's always great to see Lom in a larger role, too. Thanks for following your November tale up!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Mon Jan 02, 2017 8:03 am

Cal: Phew! You certainly started the new year with a bang. Lots of great tension between the partners and the situation. It was clever to place them in the story as young outlaws. The Kid hasn't developed confidence in his abilities and Heyes has not tempered his excessive daring. Loved the ending, too! two thumbs

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Mon Jan 02, 2017 11:00 am

Remuda – What a beautifully written, but melancholy piece. Love the last line.

Rosie Annie – Oh, no, who died now? Aww… I can see Heyes and Curry taking the time to give gifts and money for a headstone for Preacher since he saved them at least once. According to this challenge, he saved them at least twice if he’s one who convinced them to try for amnesty. Love the passage chosen for the marker! They brought the perfect gifts for Preacher, too. Really love how you wrote the Kid as the philosopher talking about Preacher, themselves, and choices – great job!


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Mon Jan 02, 2017 3:34 pm

Writers, you have really out-done yourselves this month. SO many wonderful challenges! It was a pleasure reading each and every one. Happy New Year to all!

WichitaRed - Beautifully descriptive opening paragraph.  I'm very curious about this Barton fella, and very interested in seeing just exactly how much his railroad experience taught him about Hannibal Heyes and Kid Curry!


InsideOutlaw - Your challenge entry pulled me right into the story, InsideOutlaw.  It is so well written, I felt like I was holding my breath throughout the whole thing.  I need to consult my thesaurus to find a word good enough to describe it.  Meantime, I'm going with supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!


MoulinP - What a delightful and light-hearted challenge!  Very enjoyable.


HannaHeyes - These letters were lots of fun to read!  I can definitely see the boys writing those when they were youngsters.


Cal -  This is very different and interesting.  Well-written too.  I liked it very much.


Alias Alice -  Forgiveness is important.  I'm glad the you helped the fellas figure that out.  Good story, Alias Alice.


Cornelia May - A warm and sweet story with a wonderful "family" feel.  Enjoyed every bit of it.


cac -  This is Christmas Perfection!  A couple of shepherds keeping watch over their flock, a baby in a stable, a debt paid in full.  And of course, Heyes and Curry -- a couple of wise men.  ;)  How about a rousing chorus of "Oh Little Town of...Porterville?"


Remuda -  This story brings the old year to a close and opens a new one quite nicely.  Your use lyrics from the traditional New Year song made your challenge very meaningful.  I especially liked these lines: Faces grew dimmer as days, months, and years rushed by, whether recent or from much longer ago. He could recall his parents but the colors were sepia, faded, and it took an effort or occasion to bring them to mind.  Happy New Year, Remuda!


RosieAnnie -  Oh!  Your challenge is terribly sad, and at the same time, so meaningful.  The thoughts shared by HH and KC ring true, and complete the story perfectly.  Well done!


Penski -  Yay!  Splendid ending to your story.  Absolutely superb!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Tue Jan 03, 2017 12:55 pm

Cal – What a great action-packed, sit-at-the-edge-of the-seat story! The tension and urgency was on high level and very well written. I can so see Heyes’ and his cockiness doing such a thing with his eyes wide open (thank goodness he did). I can so see Kid Curry acting like it’s a hair-brained idea, but going with it anyways with his eyes closed tight. “Heyes’ eyes danced with the possibilities.” Aww… this is how and when they split up, huh? Excellent challenge!

EleanorW – YAY, Eleanor decided to come out and play with Heyes and Curry! It’s been too long, Eleanor, so I’m thrilled to see you write a challenge. Oh, oh, I can see where this is going. Too much alcohol and a bad decision. Poor Kid really did have too much. Thank goodness he didn’t drink & ride because he’d be a lot further away. Loved the bantering about making it on his own. Happy New Year, Eleanor!


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Tue Jan 03, 2017 2:33 pm

EleanorW: Ouch, talk about a morning after! I'm only hoping Heyes dragged him back to town for a bowl of green chile (pass the hot sauce) and maybe a little hair of the dog. Kidding aside, I can imagine that the frustration would often build up and have to be let out. Two men who have lived a life of freedom suddenly constrained by the enticement of amnesty would have a hard time keeping their focus on going straight. Nicely done.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Tue Jan 03, 2017 5:31 pm

My New Year's resolution is to try to keep up with commenting better...

Cal - Loved the tension you wrote in this story. I was nervous myself about the jump, especially when it was said the other side was a tad bit higher than their starting point. So is this the beginning of the reason they split up for a while? Enjoyed this!

Eleanor - It's bad enough waking up with a hangover, but then having to go hunt your partner down too...could be aggravating. I'd say each of them had their days when the amnesty didn't seem worth trying for anymore, but the hope of a free future seems to always win out. Liked the banter in this and appropriate for the time of year.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Tue Jan 03, 2017 7:50 pm

Eleanor W: I hate to admit it in this august company, but I, too, have enjoyed myself too much in an evening, only to regret it the next morning. Your description of Heyes and Kid were all too real to me. After the initial rush, alcohol can make a person feel depressed, and that's the state of mind Kid was in. Thank goodness he didn't have the wherewithal to get on a horse, and that he has a good friend who will look for him and help him recover.

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PostSubject: Fragile   Wed Jan 04, 2017 4:47 am

EleanorW - Haha...I've said it before, but it bares repeating...we all write these morning after experiences just a little too well... anyone would think we knew what we were writing about.  
Oh brilliant use of the word ..dalliance... that's getting filed in my 'to use' file.. Laughing aw...maudlin... there's another one... doesn't that just sum up what drink can do to a character like Kid. Keeping it New Year too... with fireworks... but grumpy Kid's gone missing.  Love the picture of Kid under a gooseberry bush tree... soooo cute... even puking... good one Eleanor applause
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Thu Jan 12, 2017 10:49 am

RosieAnnie - I'm so happy to see you continue this! I can't help but keep wanting to know if Kid's real identity will ever come out and whatever happened to Heyes. I hope this gets continued soon. I'm really enjoying it!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Thu Jan 12, 2017 7:47 pm

RosieAnnie - LOVE that you're writing!  This was a wonderful addition to In Winter and submission to the Fragile challenge.  Thaddeus Jones is seeming a tad physically fragile, but still sharp as a whip.  Curious what kind of ornaments Thaddeus is contributing to the tree decorating.  Must have been a surprise to hear he's mentioned in the Spencer's book.  Loved it!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Thu Jan 12, 2017 8:30 pm

EleanorW: Almost too painful to read...almost :) I love Heyes’ suggestions at the end-I can TOTALLY see him doing that!

RA: I am SO.DARN.HAPPY you’re back to this story!! But, whaaaa-I can’t wait to read what Spencer wrote about Kid! Please promise the next chapter will fit some how, some way next month! I really, REALLY like this ongoing story.

WR: Aieeee. They’re back? I’m immediately feeling the dread/tension along with Heyes. The closing of the station. Nice move, sort of Stephen King-ish (a compliment). When they left Joe’s I thought they were free, but no. LOVE this line: “…in that moment, he could feel the rope that connected them pull so taunt, it felt near breaking.” EXCELLENT wording, excellent way to wrap up. That alone took it to a higher level of writing.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Thu Jan 12, 2017 8:41 pm

Wichita Red - This chapter kind of reminds me of some trips I've been on. I hate that we have to wait a month to find out what happens! I liked that this time, it was Heyes who had the bad feeling about a place. I don't want to say too much and give anything away, so I'll just say I am definitely looking forward to more.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Fri Jan 13, 2017 12:31 pm

Wichita Red – And back to Wichita they go. Hey, maybe they can see the Sunday race again! Love the description of the Wichita night, especially “with gaily attired prairie nymphs dangling from their porches”. Love the bantering about being right about one thing…” Only one?” That was a close call for Heyes in the saloon! Oh, oh. Loved the way you wrote that last paragraph. thumbsup

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Fri Jan 13, 2017 2:43 pm

Wichita Red: Wow, you packed several punches into this story. I particularly enjoyed your descriptions of the scene in Wichita and everything that was happening. You really conveyed a sense of chaos and the feeling that anything could happen at any minute -- which it did! I'm looking forward to next month already to see how you resolve that ending.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sat Jan 14, 2017 9:48 am

RosieAnnie:
Thanks for updating this story, I've been looking forward to reading more. I enjoyed the observations on aging. None of us really want to believe it's happening to us. Love the way you have Thaddeus trying to stay patient but letting his outlaw side slip briefly when pushed. Nicely done!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sat Jan 14, 2017 9:58 am

Okay Red, that was the mother of all cliffhangers!  You better just get writing first thing next month or there may be trouble.  You really brought Witchita to life with your descriptive writing.  I could see it, hear it, and, strangely enough, almost smell it. Nice work incorporating the monthly prompt and keeping the story interesting--too interesting. Git writin'! applause

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PostSubject: Fragile   Sun Jan 15, 2017 4:09 am

RosieAnnie... In winter is unusual..following an older fragile Kid...who's grown older without Heyes....that row that sent them separate ways always haunted the text...fingers crossed for finding out what happened... I do love his family... anyway...chapter 14...

Loving the small appearances of the Kid...The old wolfish grin appeared on Thaddeus’ face  ... I'm seeing the older Ben in my head but I don't think Kid would be so well preserved lol...I too am intrigued by the few decorations from home for the tree. Here's another glimpse of the old Kid I like.. I sure did some wrong things when I was young, and all the time, I thought I was doing right.   there's a whole story in a sentence.  OOh...don't think he wants to remember dancing that jig somehow...I want to hear the story of Rev. Spencer and Texas. ... Yes, and I still don't know what happened to Heyes....Glad your back at the keys...tap tap tap...strike while the muse is upon you... you know what happened ...we don't....yet.... reading

WichitaRed..... Hey, back to Wichita...(Give us a flash back to the train sometime...we want to know what happened...)  meanwhile back in the madness of Wichita.... loving your writing about the chaotic night life.. best bit about this for me is the menace and the humor dancing cheek to cheek... loved the station sign... kids sudden enthusiasm for Sundays... she of the peacock gloves accosting them in the street... Then the gunfight in the bar...too close for comfort...then the young punk back in Curry's face....
Seriously...can't wait for next instalment.....

cac - I absolutely loved this! How did you fit a whole episode of the good stuff into such a small space? Coffee, always with the coffee....You got me hook line and sinker right there.... How did she know so much about Heyes and the coffee? ...that's pretty intimate knowledge right there! Then Heyes calling Kid....huh? has Kid undergone a transformation.   This was seriously good...had me guessing... slapping my head with ...of course that what it is... laughing... and truly enjoying the quick witted teen... also got me asking questions about when this was... About Big Jim... loads and loads of things.... Well done!...Oh and bring back Lindsay another time please.
Favourite line... But finally talking directly to KID CURRY, well, that does a number on a girl.
....oh yes! hatgun
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sun Jan 15, 2017 7:12 pm

Cac - Loved this. I couldn't figure out what on earth the reason could be for Kid wanting that particular item of clothing, but then the explanation made perfect sense. I don't think I've ever read where that character had a daughter. Very interesting. I can relate to her. I too, was a tomboy growing up. (Well, I guess I still am. Glad my husband doesn't mind...) I have to disagree with her on who's cuter though... sm

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