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 Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....

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Calico

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Tue Aug 01, 2017 10:12 am



1) Maz

It is my occasional wine drinking buddy!! Did she have them cross our border and steal the crown jewels? Let’s see.


Oooohhh – a teaser!! Poor old Kid, what has she done to you this time? You tantalise us, Maz.


2) Nebraska Wildfire

Hello there Nebraska!!

I am loving the town name - Ogallala. A Sherriff who know them – pom, pom, pom. Bless! Kyle is getting a girl! (Loving that the gypsy could smell the blast powder.) Mood change! Wasn’t expecting a message from their parents. And their childhood names. Sniff. AH, play on words – the border to ‘the other side’. Clever! Very good take, Nebraska.



3) WichitaRed

Hi Red!
Loving the descriptive start. Adoring that HH doesn’t get his own wrists scratched! Our villain got struck by lightening? Wow. Dramatic irony.
Dear old Heyes, not to lift the wallet as well as his Schofield would be just plain wasteful, huh? Not sure Heyes wouldn’t have charged interest, Red, smile.
Clapping here! Very true to the boys.



4) Cal

GOSH – I would never have thought of that, but as soon as I saw the title I thought ‘of course’! You clever, clever clogs!

Consider me stomping feet in appreciation. What a good idea.


5) Cornelia May


Ah, good to know our young patient is on the mend. Is Heyes going to find parting just too hard?


6) cac

Oh dear! Is history going to repeat itself with young Jed being the wrong side of the law? Poor Kid. Still, I am keen to get them to Moose Jaw! (Who could resist such a name?)


7) Penski

As always, certain as the sun – rising in the east… Here she is.

So, who is this they’ve rescued? Name rings no bells with me, but what do I know?

Now, we have a tough, lovable guy with a false leg, who loves telling stories. Hmmmm? Smile.

To be Frank though, Penski – the boys got paid, so not sure it counts as a genuine ASJ story.



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Penski
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Tue Aug 01, 2017 8:03 pm

Cal – Oh, I’ve never heard of this poem or W H Auden. That’s really good! I read the original, too, to see where you changed it. Reads better when spoken aloud, I found. Very clever of you!

Cornelia May – Back to your saga. Dinner has arrived! You normally don’t see Heyes as the caretaker, unless, of course, it’s a hurt Kid. Knight’s back! Nice use of “crossing the border” with her health. She still has to go to school back east? Heyes answered just a little too soon? What’s he up to? Looking forward to the next installment.

Cac – Oh, oh, this doesn’t sound good. Like how you show us how many years have gone by with the graying beard and looking over the ranch. I remember Canada. That’s so sad! This is bad… really bad! That’s not very good what Jed did. Shame on him! But I can see a hot-tempered teen doing that. Heyes is taking control of the situation and coming up with a plan. And I can see parents defending their children and doing something extreme. Short but very well-written!


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WichitaRed
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Wed Aug 02, 2017 2:16 pm

Cornelia may. Like to see that you're continuing your story and so enjoy the sweet side, this loving side of the nature. Got a kick out of swilling down the coffee And going straight to sleep, somehow that seems like him

Cac. Nice use of descriptors to set your scene ...:where they are and what time of their life they're in. Your story though dark and a bit better, seemed very truthful to the characters and was well written

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WichitaRed
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Wed Aug 02, 2017 5:11 pm

Penski
The historian and Gunfighter in me went, "who hoo well done" when I read this line..... Heyes pulled his gun and added the sixth bullet.

You always have terrific dialogue. It flows easily and makes reading enjoyable. But, I also enjoy your descriptions too.  Superb....Heyes squinted in the sun as he smiled up at the man.

Hmmmm they do a good deed and, yet again, that leaves em wondering about their safety.  

Like the references to how important a partner is here and there in your tale.

As always quite wonderful

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Last edited by WichitaRed on Wed Aug 02, 2017 8:58 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Crossing the Border and Up on the Roof   Wed Aug 02, 2017 7:14 pm

   
Penski: I liked how Otto kept the boys off balance (and me too!)  Overtime they thought they were in control, another twist showed up.  Lovely dialogue with them grousing with each other and under their breath with Otto.  I would have worried about getting paid too, with all the changes.

Wichita Red:  Destiny's Cycle #12   You've captured Heyes so well, annoyed, in control, wanting his own way, and worried about his boys, and the Kid patiently, or not so, suffering Heyes.  Such a fun read, with Wheat, Kyle, and all the boys putting in such colorful performances.
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WichitaRed
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Thu Aug 03, 2017 4:00 pm

Cal
You're up on the roof story was great. I cannot even copy and paste any particular lines, because I love them all. Your descriptions, nuances, dialogue everything was so dead on awesome. Great start to what should be a really cool story. Man I love your descriptions in this. Great job

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sistergrace

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Sat Aug 05, 2017 3:21 pm

July Challenge Comments

Maz - Oh no! I certainly hope you have an August challenge planned so we can put our fears to rest and be assured that KC is really OKAY!


Nebraska Wildfire - I very much enjoyed your outlaw days tale with just the right amount of fortune telling and sentiment tossed into the mix. A nice blend and a fun read.


WichitaRed - I'm glad you made time to continued the saga, Wichita. Enjoyed reading about the boys out-running a twister!


Cal - I hadn't read this poem before, Cal. Thanks to you, I've checked it out. You did a nice job adapting it.


Cornelia May - Nice continuation and unique use of the prompt. Looking forward to next month's installment!


cac - Interesting and different. Conflicting emotions for both Kid and Heyes, knowing that Jed has killed a deputy. I'm wondering if it was self defense? I'm sure HH and KC will get to the truth of the matter.


Penski - Wonderful! I like your character, Otto, and the ending is just perfect! Great writing, Penski!

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Cal

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PostSubject: up on the roof   Sun Aug 06, 2017 4:43 am

Hey... I'm glad I could introduce a few of you to Auden.... Here's a telling that gives you the wonderful rhythms.... from 1936!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmciuKsBOi0

Hope that link works.

On to August...

Red - Destiny Cycle #12!!!!! A whole year....WELL DONE... you were so quick off the blocks this month I have to say I read this on the fanfic site before I saw you'd posted it here.... ON the 1st no less! BAM INDEED That's speed writing at its best... and that exuberance comes across in the writing.... And they've made it back to Devils Hole.  Love that Ledford was carrying a Sharps.....1000m range and he can't see to the end of the barrel! Heyes firing into the air made me smile.... I could just see Wheat's face... And Kid's for that matter   Laughing  Laughing  Laughing nice to see the boys back in charge of their destiny again... Heyes asserting his leadership and Kid assuming the role of quiet dangerous lieutenant ....really enjoyed this romp through the West with two of the best.
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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Up on the Roof   Mon Aug 07, 2017 2:20 pm

 
Cal:  This was a great start to the story.  You said so much with just the two of them arguing.  This line said it all:
"Kid’s face was stony.  If he had any arguments, they died on his tongue with that wince, just as Heyes’ had known they would."  The Kid was annoyed, angry even, but he'd do what was best for Heyes', even if he was tricked into it, since he never seems to have a problem keeping up with Heyes.
My favorite line, however is:  "Luckily for Heyes, his younger cousin had a way of staying calm and dealing with stuff, even when having obscenities hurled at him by a less than grateful partner."  Again that really describes their relationship.
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nm131

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Thu Aug 10, 2017 3:17 pm

Wichita Red - Glad to see that the boys made it back safely to Devil's Hole. LOL, the sentry look out. After all their adventures Heyes is no mood to be anything but in charge, with everyone knowing it - including Kid Curry. Loved it!.

Cal - At the heart of every good ASJ story is the relationship between Heyes and Curry and you illustrated it all throughout this story segment. Oh yeah, I'm wanting more.
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