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 Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....

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Maz

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Sun Apr 23, 2017 4:03 pm

Calico I'd forgotten all about that one.
Loved it of course. Crack! Bang! And a blue eyed look.
Bravo maestro!!

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Cal

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PostSubject: Formula   Mon Apr 24, 2017 11:46 am

Wichita Red....Destiny Cycle - #8

So this is Heyes buying his Schofield....because someone went and sold his other pistol...lol... a Colt... that'll satisfy the quibblers as to which pistol Heyes carries.....good shout. easier than the trail of a wounded stag...love that..is that one of yours Red or did you read it somewhere...excellent. I can see this playing out ...love the way Heyes leaves the shop and notices Curry's shadow...you do the small details so well. Aw Kid's all concerned and then Heyes wrong foots him with the  -'I got you' jibe - Some seriously good banter here... and a little glimpse of impending problems...for next month.... Another fine chapter... You're really doing well adapting this to the prompts.

Calico -

One of my favourites! Love this prank that couldn't possibly be anything to do with the two innocents with the alibi.  Kid's clock watching is fab ...as Hannibal confidently has his back to the clock... Jed's dread of his mother asking him if he had anything to do with it....he must have had to put a lot of work in to perfect that poker face in later life.  This is all glorious... and a glimpse of gorgeous Alex....Hmmmmmm... happy reader over here...Ta
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Penski
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Mon Apr 24, 2017 9:57 pm

WichitaRed – Hmm… if my partner was Kid Curry, I’d listen to his advice about guns and which one to buy. I can see Heyes not listening, though, and making his own choice – he’s no slouch with a gun. I recently learned about the different bullets for a Colt and a Schofield. Oh, and you ended with danger around the corner for the boys. Very good challenge. thumbsup


Calico – Oh, a young Han and Jed getting into trouble and Alex (sigh). Loved it before and love it now more. It really made me miss you writing. Excellent tale!
Very Happy

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Penski
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Thu Apr 27, 2017 7:28 pm

nm's review -

If the reader (since I don’t have a beta reader) doesn’t mind I have a few questions for which I would appreciate honest answers and feedback.  OK...shoot!

1. Does the story contain too much narration and not enough action?  
I thought there was the perfect blend of narration and action - didn't seem out of proportion when I read it.

a. Should there have been more of the actual rescue?  
It wasn't needed.  The Kid met Willis and told him what was going to happen so we knew, too.

b. I don’t know anything about mountain climbing. Additionally, I wanted the rescue to go well with few issues so I intentionally skipped over the up and down canyon scenes
I think if you did too much mountain climbing it may have gotten boring.  You gave us just enough so we knew it was a dangerous mission.

2. My intention was not to write an action story but focus more on the partners settling in to their roles – kind of. Did you feel that the story was boring?
The story was definitely not boring, though there wasn't quite enough focus on the partners settling in to their roles.  Enjoy how they discussed who'd be in charge and that Heyes waited until they were alone to voice his concerns about his role.  Loved how the Kid had an excellent reason why he had Heyes in the role, especially after seeing how Willis' father reacted.

3. I always have trouble writing Heyes, I just feel inadequate in the cleverness department. Was there enough Heyes?
LOL... Depends who you ask!  Kidettes will say there's enough Heyes and Heyesians will say there's not enough Heyes.  As one who is bi-partner, I do think there was enough Heyes.  The only way you may have added a touch more is having Heyes and the top reacting to the Kid reaching Willis and Heyes showing pride in his partner.

4. Is the Yellowstone thread worth developing, or should it stay a one off? There should probably be a story in-between A Fragile Beginning and this one.   I’m also expanding an old story in the Terms timeline about Heyes entering Kid in a National Marksmanship Contest so I won’t be crushed if there’s no interest.
Oh, an expansion to Terms!?!  I can't wait since I LOVE that story!!  Can't you do both?  I am enjoying the Yellowstone thread and wouldn't mind hearing more of where they live and issues that arise, along with folks reaction to Heyes and Curry being there.

Since you mention the no beta reader, may I suggest you go back and read it after a day?  I think there's some correcting that would make it an easier read.  A few lines and area seemed amiss.  Of course, I did read it quickly during a lunch break.  By the way, I needed an escape from real life so thanks for posting this story on just the right day when I needed it.  I really did enjoy it!   two thumbs

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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Fri Apr 28, 2017 7:38 pm

nm131:  Thanks very much for posting the Yellowstone story.  I have to mention that I'm a national park devotee.  My husband tells my kids that Mom's not gonna be happy unless she gets to at least one National Park a year.  I probably will not be able to visit them all.  (You have to kayak to one!) but my kids have vowed to try.
Here are my answers to your questions.

1. Does the story contain too much narration and not enough action?
I think the story balance is good.  I enjoyed learning about the park, the boys' new lives, and the rescue.  The combination worked well.
a. Should there have been more of the actual rescue?
No, I think there was enough of the rescue. I have to keep myself from writing every detail, minute by minute, in my stories.  I know just the pertinent scenes need to be in the story.  I will often speed read through sections of a story, if I feel a certain part is going on too long or into too much detail.  I didn't get that impression with your story.
b. I don’t know anything about mountain climbing. Additionally, I wanted the rescue to go well with few issues so I intentionally skipped over the up and down canyon scenes
A lot of us don't know much about mountain climbing.  I don't think I needed more technical details.  I only know as much as I do because my kids have done climbing lessons in the silos around here.  Not too many mountains on the Plains...

2. My intention was not to write an action story but focus more on the partners settling in to their roles – kind of. Did you feel that the story was boring? I really enjoyed the parts of the story where you discussed their new lives.  I think this is a very viable "post amnesty" life for them.  They love the west, and have the wilderness experience to be able to handle anything in the park.  I agreed with the Kid and his cabins every so many miles.  The last time we were at Yellowstone, a blizzard came in and dropped a foot of snow -- in June!

3. I always have trouble writing Heyes, I just feel inadequate in the cleverness department. Was there enough Heyes?  Is there ever enough Heyes?  (Can you tell which partner I favor?)  Seriously, the best stories have both of them interacting and you have that.  Heyes is doing Heyes like things, talking, planning, and the Kid is doing Kid things -- action, getting things done.  I just want more...

4. Is the Yellowstone thread worth developing, or should it stay a one off? There should probably be a story in-between A Fragile Beginning and this one.   I’m also expanding an old story in the Terms timeline about Heyes entering Kid in a National Marksmanship Contest so I won’t be crushed if there’s no interest.
I would love to read more from this storyline, but as I mentioned above I'm a National Park fan, as much as I'm an ASJ fan.  But as I also mentioned above, I think these lives are a good fit for the boys.  There are so many possibilities for plot lines in this arc.

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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Fri Apr 28, 2017 9:47 pm

Penski:  Just what I needed tonight!  Your prairie dog story was so much fun to read.  Just like a "wack a mole" game?  Still, it is sad that in the desire to tame the West, so many species lost so many numbers, prairie dogs, bison, and more.  I've been fortunate to see a prairie dog colony out west, and herds of bison various places, including here east of the Mississippi.
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Tcalleen



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PostSubject: Nell's Response   Sat Apr 29, 2017 3:24 pm

I usually try to avoiding posting, since I'm always terrified that I'll mess something up, but since I desperately want to see more of this story verse, I'm overcoming the fear!

1. Does the story contain too much narration and not enough action?

I honestly got excited when I saw that you were posting in this verse again! I really enjoyed the first story, and I would love to see more of it. I thought it was a fine balance of action and narration.

a. Should there have been more of the actual rescue?

I might be in the minority here, but I really would have liked to see a bit more of finishing the rescue. I think it would have been nice to see everyone's reactions once Kid and the rescue team made it back to the top successfully.

b. I don’t know anything about mountain climbing. Additionally, I wanted the rescue to go well with few issues so I intentionally skipped over the up and down canyon scenes

I think that worked just fine in the story.

2. My intention was not to write an action story but focus more on the partners settling in to their roles – kind of. Did you feel that the story was boring?

Nope, I really enjoyed it. But my favorite stories are always more character development than action anyway.

3. I always have trouble writing Heyes, I just feel inadequate in the cleverness department. Was there enough Heyes?

Full disclosure - I'm a Kidette! Personally I think so many stories focus on Heyes' cleverness and Kid is just a side character that I'm really happy to see stories that better develop the Kid's character. The best stories always have a good balance of both of them, and I think you did that really well.

4. Is the Yellowstone thread worth developing, or should it stay a one off? There should probably be a story in-between A Fragile Beginning and this one. I’m also expanding an old story in the Terms timeline about Heyes entering Kid in a National Marksmanship Contest so I won’t be crushed if there’s no interest.

Terms is one of my all-time favorite stories, so I'm really excited about you adding more to that verse, especially after that evil tease in the Invitation challenge that just left me wanting to know more!!!! But I would love to see this one developed further too - I think it's a great concept. I can definitely see the boys working for Yellowstone. So I'll plead for you to do both!
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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Sun Apr 30, 2017 8:26 am

InsideOutlaw:  Such a fun story.  I can imagine the gang getting very bored after a winter in the Hole. Characterization as always is great. Heyes with his hair all in spikes, trying to figure out a plan is lovely and the Kid just cleaning his gun and waiting until Heyes had the plan is perfect.
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PostSubject: A Formula for Everything   Sun Apr 30, 2017 9:51 am

Wichita Red - I love Destiny's Cycle and how you incorporate the story prompts so naturally into the larger narrative. This was an excellent chapter. Nice to see Heyes up and back into the swing of things. As others have remarked the entire gun buying scene was priceless. I have to agree with Kid, though it does make more sense for them to have guns that use the same ammunition, although, the magic saddlebags would make carrying around the extra boxes less troublesome. You also brought up an important character trait of Heyes. Heyes is a liar, a thief, and in many ways he is also a hustler, playing honest poker is his way of maintaining a sense of honor or self-respect(lies, steals but doesn't cheat). It is similar to Kid never drawing first, he may be thief, gunman, and has killed but he's not a murderer.

Penski - Penski, I don't know what to say. It was a enjoyable story to read, but.... I liked the interaction and dialogue between the partners. The lesson Kid gave Heyes was in character and fun to read. I'm surprised it took Kid that long to lose his patience with the rifle. The situation is historically accurate and I can even relate it to My husband's uncle, who owns a farm, attitude to groundhog and rabbit holes in the cow and sheep pastures. But I'm with Kid "They're kinda cute, aren't they?" even though everything Heyes said in return is true.

Calico - Thank you for the reminder of the excellent childhood series that you co wrote from another site. I wish I had printed them out as that was a richly developed world for the young Heyes and Curry. I remember this story and the portion you posted was entertaining. Of course Alex Heyes makes an appearance but the part that I appreciated (as kidette) was Han's insistence that Jed keep quiet and look aggrieved. Kid never does loose the difficulty lying to female authority figures whose opinion he cares about (a la Sister Julia).

Inside Outlaw - Thanks for the lighthearted fun story. Heyes frustration regarding the job and the bored gang members came across loud and clear. Kid's calmness was a good counterpoint. It was clever how Heyes found the answer to his problems.

thankyou scratch writing

Thank you to all who commented on my overspill story and took the time to answer my questions. I appreciate the feedback and will try to rework the story a little.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Sun Apr 30, 2017 12:09 pm

Maz: Dang, I didn't read the other stories before I posted mine. Sorry our beginnings are so similar. I like how the Kid knows exactly how to persuade his partner. What was Heyes thinking??

NebraskaWildfire: Your story illustrates how life can change in the blink of an eye. I have to admit, though, I found it sad how quickly Heyes shifted from a promising college-bound young man to a master thief.

Cal: Haha, the boys' past catches up with them again. Frankie was too funny and you had me wondering for a while if she was going to be Heyes' daughter.

Cac: I liked it. The truth shall set you free. At least this time it did. I'd love to see more about 'Miss Harlingen' and her sneaky plans.

WitchitaRed: I always love your knowledge of firearms. This was a great scene highlighting so much of the boys' characteristics and the inner workings of their relationship. Oh, and a cliffhanger to boot.

Penski: I found this one sad but very well written. Poor prairie dogs. Good story.

Overspill stories:

Calico: LOL, strategic supremo is a perfect title for Heyes! Loved the evil genius already learning how to duck responsibility. If Alex only knew what it was leading to.

NM131: Here's a go at answering your questions:
1. Does the story contain too much narration and not enough action? I thought it had a good balance of both. You drew the story as well as told it.

a. Should there have been more of the actual rescue? It might add some drama to have shown the rancher reunited with his son and having to thank those two no-good outlaws rather than just saying it happened later in the story.
b. I don’t know anything about mountain climbing. Additionally, I wanted the rescue to go well with few issues so I intentionally skipped over the up and down canyon scenes The actual rescuing wasn't the point of the story and you provided enough to make it come alive

2. My intention was not to write an action story but focus more on the partners settling in to their roles – kind of. Did you feel that the story was boring? I enjoyed it. I love the idea of them becoming park rangers. It's the perfect use of their skills and they get to continue their lives outdoors.

3. I always have trouble writing Heyes, I just feel inadequate in the cleverness department. Was there enough Heyes? Being a Heyes gal, I always want to see more of him but you brought him alive by making him muse about his partner's new role. I especially liked his observation about how he worried less while the Kid was worrying more.

4. Is the Yellowstone thread worth developing, or should it stay a one off? There should probably be a story in-between A Fragile Beginning and this one. I’m also expanding an old story in the Terms timeline about Heyes entering Kid in a National Marksmanship Contest so I won’t be crushed if there’s no interest. Keep it going, it's a good premise


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Penski
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Sun Apr 30, 2017 4:24 pm

Inside Outlaw - Really enjoyed a frustrated Heyes, Curry's confidence that his partner will figure out a plan and the boys playing pranks out of boredom.  Lucky no one got hurt.  You have me curious about the "bomb" - how does it work?  Does it take a lot of matches?  Now that's a perfect Heyes plan!  Loved it!  two thumbs

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Sun Apr 30, 2017 5:38 pm

Lolol, Penski, I think this is where I'm supposed to ask "Why do you ask?".  To be honest, I googled it and looked for instructions that used ingredients that would've been available in the 1880's.  All the other jokes I'm proud to say I've pulled at one time or another.

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Calico

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Mon May 01, 2017 1:56 am



1) Maz

Oooh, Maz. Me owd mucka.
Loving the way HH has slipped in Kid boarding the train. Poor old Kid – always with the heavy lifting.
But but… Kid. Mizz Maz likes to see you flying through the air all action hero.
Loving it Maz, gentle dissuasion.



2) Nebraska Wildfire


Oh, I like it when Valparaiso isn’t run by meanies. Crossing my fingers that Han doesn’t throw his chance away. But… we all know that ‘what might have been stories’ don’t go that way. Sniff.

Jed already getting into trouble by being girl bait, huh? Oh! Poor Heyes – funding withdrawn. And Kid will feel so guilty.

Well, you can understand Heyes wanting to rob that guy’s bank. Really interesting take on the running away, Nebraska.


3) Cal


Huzzah!! Heyes is about to teach school! Ooooh, a barber shaved Heyes with a ribbon tie. Lovely. Licks lips. I am loving that the P&H gets recognised just from the dimensions. Is the annoying young gal called Hermione?? (crossover thoughts)

She knows him. Love her. LOVE her. Beam.


4) Cac

Loving Kid’s reaction “So she was going to pay you to play poker, and you said no?”
Clever gal! She has them in double bluff with the Sherriff. Or not! Convoluted Cac. Consider me concentrating hard. A dummy deputy. “The truth shall make you free” Great tag line, Cac … Snirt.




5) WichitaRed


How dare Heyes prefer a different brand of gun to the Kid? The cheek of it. Loving that he is not an enigma – just a pain with a large vocabulary. Spotted again, huh??



6) Nm131

It is our bandanny winner! Is it warm and snug and… yella?

Oh, back to Yellowstone. Lovely. (I’ve been watching the documentaries on it on BBC4)

Awww – Heyes volunteering to go down with Kid. (I am cheerfully expecting a successful rescue here, NM,) Dear Kid, reassuring the youngster. C’mon rescue team. And we have Heyes figuring out how to make their new enterprise a success on the political front. Really, really interesting stuff NM.



7) Penski


Hello Penski!!


Ah, the traditional counting of the loose change. They forgot the emergency nickel in the boot – smile.

Getting rid of prairie dogs?? Never ending job isn’t it? [I am currently cussing their first cousins the grey squirrels who are digging bulbs out of my pots. Thieving fluffy tails! Exploiting their cuteness.]

So the cute little head, eyes blinking, whiskers quivering pops up and … oh, the humanity.

It shouldn’t be an amusing picture, but I’m afraid it is.




8) InsideOutlaw


How did Kyle get in the well?? Oh, you naughty, naughty outlaws.
They are going to stink bomb the guards?? I see, all those memories of his misspent youth have come good for Heyes. Loving the practical joke fest.




9) Cornelia May

Oh dear! A wire dodger didn’t make it this time… Big fluffy bunny tail couldn’t make it all the way under and through. Never mind – next time.
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Cal

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PostSubject: Formula   Mon May 01, 2017 5:18 am

I've got catching up to do.... busy lot aren't you!

Nm131 - First off...loved it and glad you're continuing this thread. I'll go straight to your Qs. but...loved the dialogeu “Heyes, you want to be the leader?”.....“I think this time it’s you, Kid.”

1. Does the story contain too much narration and not enough action? No... I did get bogged down in the detail in the second section... Probably more to do with my dyslexia ...having trouble keeping the meaning when things get technical.
a. Should there have been more of the actual rescue? No...think you got that right.
b. I don’t know anything about mountain climbing. Additionally, I wanted the rescue to go well with few issues so I intentionally skipped over the up and down canyon scenes   I thought....Nm131 knows her stuff... so didn't notice that... if you made that up... that was clever... I think there was too much detail if anything.

2. My intention was not to write an action story but focus more on the partners settling in to their roles – kind of. Did you feel that the story was boring? Not boring...but...the highlights were the interactions of the partners... and Heyes' interaction with the father.  The last section was spot on.

3. I always have trouble writing Heyes, I just feel inadequate in the cleverness department. Was there enough Heyes? I'd say yes... he came over as a more conciliatory... milder Heyes than the younger one... just right for negotiations with the WSGA.

4. Is the Yellowstone thread worth developing, or should it stay a one off? There should probably be a story in-between A Fragile Beginning and this one.   I’m also expanding an old story in the Terms timeline about Heyes entering Kid in a National Marksmanship Contest so I won’t be crushed if there’s no interest.  I think you know this is a wonderful set up...please please please keep on writing....
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Cal

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PostSubject: Formula   Mon May 01, 2017 5:25 am

Penski.... lol... like others I wanted to love this ...BUT... they're too cute to shoot!  scared You know I can't do scary stuff!
Have to say it was a joy on the eye...easy to visualise..and excellent dialogue ...easy on the ears and totally in character.   Loved the dinner bell interview... BUT...after that it turned into reservoir prarie dogs....nooooooo.... they're too fluffy and disney-fied... No No No No No
How could you?
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Cal

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PostSubject: Formula   Mon May 01, 2017 5:30 am

Inside Outlaw - Oh goody a DHG comedy! And for April too.... April fools day anyone.  Felt sorry for Kyle down that well... but enjoyed all the mad tricks.  There was a film I saw once where they got rid of the guards with hornets... then smoked them out to rob the train.... The stink bomb idea seems a much easier solution than that....love it... and very Heyes.  Thanks for more looks at the daft Wheat and Kyle duo too... love that pair of hooty owls. That was a real fun read. panda
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PostSubject: Formula   Mon May 01, 2017 5:35 am

Nelia - What was that you say?   The dog ate your challenge story this month. happydog  happydog  happydog  happydog  happydog
                            Grade.....Could do better writing  writing  writing  writing  writing
                         Expectation.... High... for a fandabadoozy May contribution
reading  reading  reading  reading  wheel  wheel  wheel  wheel come ...jump to it!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Mon May 01, 2017 10:01 pm

WR: I love the back and forth between the men: Curry the expert, Heyes showing his independence, Curry knowing when Heyes didn’t about the bullets, Heyes reminding him that Curry had sold his gun…delightful! Yeah, I’d scurry too if I were the clerk ☺ Waaaaaay too much testosterone for your average man to handle being around.

This is my favorite sentence: “When a shadow stretched out beside him, he knew who it was and picked up his pace toward the livery stable.“ It reminds me of the end of Smoky the Cowhorse, (one of my favorite childhood books): “Then a lot of work came on which kept the cowboy from going out soon as he wanted to, and then one morning, bright and early, as he stepped out to get a bucket of water, the morning sun throwed a shadow on the door; and as he stuck his head out a nicker was heard. Clint dropped his bucket in surprise at what he heard and then seen. For, standing out a ways, slick and shiny, was the old mouse colored horse.” ☺ I know, sentimental, but the similar companionship and shadow image immediately recalled that scene ☺

But back to your use of it-what a skillful way to show their connection in the middle of their little verbal back-and-forth.

And I then LOVE the outlaw vs hustler line and concept. Right on, just as others have written.

And this too, again just as others have mentioned, but that doesn’t mean I can’t! “Suppose, I’m an enigma.”…“No, you're just my pain in the backside cousin with a large vocabulary.” Perfect.

Penski: “meandered” Yes, they do as they ride, don’t they?

I don’t think H&C would have any problem with shooting prairie dogs. I think it fits.

Very funny to contrast this Heyes wanting advice with WR’s Heyes refusing advice ☺ Love these lines that capture them: ““You nicked it,” the Kid corrected him.  “Still hit it,” grumbled Heyes.” Yep ☺

IO:
Perfectly captured tense, slightly-unsure-of-what-to-do Heyes.

I enjoyed the plot segues from that tenseness to the practical jokes to Heyes’ relief with the bomb idea to the conclusion of getting back at the gang! Very creative, fun story!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Tue May 02, 2017 12:03 pm

Finishing up with April . . .

Cac: I can see why Kid would get angry -- she wanted to pay you to play poker, and you said no???? Kid is using his brain! Nice resolution to a bribery attempt.

Wichita Red: My favorite line -- "you're just a pain in the backside with a large vocabulary." And I want to know how somebody's day will change Biblically. As always, you have drawn me in.

Penski: Maybe you didn't intend it that way, but I thought this story was a good illustration about how attitudes have changed. And oh, it was fun seeing Heyes take shooting lessons from Kid

OVERSPILL AREA:

Calico: Thanks for that trip down memory lane. I loved the whole saga of the Heyes and Curry families.

NM131: I really like your Yellowstone stories. It's good to see how Curry takes command and organizes everyone and everything. And I enjoy envisioning Yellowstone in my mind, without the safety boardwalks, but with the steaming hot springs.




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Penski
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Fri May 12, 2017 9:35 pm

Nebraska Wildfire - What a lovely story! Poor little things being left like that until her "godfathers" came to the rescue. That man oughta be tanned for what he did! I like seeing interaction with the boys and children and I like your take on Valparaiso. I just see them supporting and visiting as often as they can. Curious is they ever get amnesty. Very good and unique take on the prompt! applause

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WichitaRed
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Sat May 13, 2017 3:41 pm

I really like your description of the weather and their travel.

Good dialogue lines .....Given our luck recently, I just see it as being cautious."

It’s okay, darlin’,” Curry murmured.  “He might sound like he’d bite, but he’s just a big softie inside.”

Wonderful descriptive line...Heyes gave a dry, jaded laugh

Your writing has done some great changes I can tell you're working at it and I'm really enjoying direction your writers tone or authors voice is going. This is a great segue description....As they walked over to the saloon, Bigelow gave Heyes another close look, not certain he liked what he saw, but couldn’t find fault with the boys for bringing in the girl.

I thoroughly enjoyed your story. It had great detail, wonderful dialogue, your transition into the backstory and then returning to present was done smoothly, it overall just felt really comfortable reading it and gave you that warm comfortable feeling about the guys. Great job thanks for sharing
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WichitaRed
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Sat May 13, 2017 3:47 pm

Maz formula for everything

Really got a good laugh out of this. Even read it out loud to my husband and he enjoyed it too. Great to see you writing again. I think my favorite part was the moment Kidd realized he was supposed to jump on the train. Thank you for sharing as always lots of great dialogue and perfect interaction between the guys
PS… It reminded me of a story I read once, or kid was injured getting on a train… Who wrote that one,you?
bal

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PostSubject: Finders Keepers   Sat May 13, 2017 8:31 pm

Nebraska Wildfire - This dovetailed very nicely with your last months challenge, especially with the framing setions. I really appreciated adding to the backstory of your unique take on their childhood and Valpariso. You have the partner's in character with Curry making the initial connection with the child, Mary, but Heyes just as engaged and coming up with a livable plan because Silas Peeler is a vile man.

Whichita Red - You bet I like the new bend in the river. I've got to hand it to you on your ability to keep Destiny's Cycle going through all the challenges. The conversation regarding the River and it's pronunciation was a highlight. Nice attention to detail throughout gave a real sense of being there such as the meadowlark and Curry's sumburn. I compliment your powers of description that last sentence was a winner "With a smile, that was menacing as wolverine advancing from his den Heyes said, “Thank you, Harold.”

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers who are reading this.
bal grouphug
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Sun May 14, 2017 4:00 pm

Wichita Red – Lovely description in the beginning paragraph. I could see, hear, and smell it all as I meandered with Heyes and Curry. Nice history lesson as I don’t doubt the ArkanSAW River was sometimes called ArkanSAS River. So they know Harold (at least Heyes does) and he’s still that nasty towards them. Were guns called jewelry back then? I never heard that before (another history lesson). Poor Heyes lost his gun, again. Loved how Heyes is looking out for his partner by making the request. The Kid was probably miserable, but not gonna say anything. Very good segment to your series! applause

NM131 – I haven’t tried a dialog only story but I can’t imagine it being easy. What a great find in the cave! I can just hear Heyes’ excitement of the discovery, just like when he found the jewels in Christina’s Bible. Loving the debate about keeping or turning in the cash. Good idea to return to Lom. Maybe IF it’s not identified as belonging to anyone, Lom will give them more than a finder’s fee. Good reading!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Sun May 14, 2017 5:02 pm

Penski: In response to your questions/comments regarding Cycle #9
Yes, sidearms were, at times, referred to as jewelry.
And, to this day we still pronounce the river the Arkansas, it is often how you can tell if a Kansasan lives near this River.

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