Alias Smith and Jones Writers

A forum devoted to writers of Alias Smith and Jones Fan Fiction
 
HomePortalGalleryFAQSearchRegisterLog in

Share | 
 

 Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
Go to page : Previous  1, 2, 3 ... 9 ... 16  Next
AuthorMessage
Penski
Moderator
avatar

Posts : 1215
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 56
Location : Northern California

PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Mon Nov 07, 2016 9:25 pm

WichitaRed – A quiet Heyes… I’d be concerned if I was the Kid, too. Was there really a famous German restaurant on the other side of the river? They had a Sunday Running of the Doves!?! Dang Wichita was sinful and wild! What an interesting addition to your Destiny’s Cycle. bottle

Alias Alice – Oh, this challenge was a little spooky! Interesting how Maria, Madame Margharita, suddenly went to telling possibly real fortunes instead of made-up stories. I’d be nervous, too, and say I had a headache. Stella Curry is going to have her mother’s fan? It isn’t because of… something awful, is it? Very curious challenge! cool

Cac – LOL… Oh, my but can I relate to Kid! I’m watching Hallmark Christmas movies to avoid any more political ads or news. They have amnesty – bless them! I gotta agree with the Kid, too, about Heyes making a fine candidate. What? Heyes abruptly changed the subject? His ego didn’t make him think about the possibilities of being a politician? Well, I’m sure part of his amnesty was to avoid being a crook so he couldn’t have been a politician if he wanted. May tomorrow be over with soon! Fun challenge! thumbsup

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
Cal

avatar

Posts : 221
Join date : 2016-01-06
Age : 58
Location : Wales UK

PostSubject: Ghosts   Thu Nov 10, 2016 9:32 am

Ohh....there's Penski's challenge! lol2

Penski - oooo straight in with the angst and hurt comfort....don't ease us in gently....thank you doctor of King City...awww Heyes is seeing Granpa Curry....WHAT!!!!! scared No no no....you can't do that...Dream???? ahhhh don't dooo that! ahhh outlaw days...and Heyes' had bad dreams too...about Granpa...I'm getting this now...

Something to think about....were they on the way to rob the Columbine Train by any chance????

That was good...didn't think I'd like it for a minute there...Granpa Curry would make a great ghost to sort the boys out and get them back on the straight and narrow....well done two thumbs

Now I can move on to this months stories....

ps. Nana knew who Kid was...and Heyes...though it was the first time she'd actually seen them...she knew Kid couldn't start a meaningful relationship....and she could hardly admit to her gran'daughter that her first love was an outlaw.... the encounter knocked her for six because she was a very sensible young lady at the time and quite annoyed with herself for getting soooo effected by a handsome man.  She couldn't get over it though ...and eventually married a guy with curly blond hair and blue eyes ....a very suitable match....who turned out to be a disappointment.
Back to top Go down
Cal

avatar

Posts : 221
Join date : 2016-01-06
Age : 58
Location : Wales UK

PostSubject: Tomorrow   Sat Nov 12, 2016 3:55 am

WichitaRed - Ahhh...they're in your part of town...well I saw the pictures of the walking dead there...scary...poor Heyes...I'd like to hear that explanation tomorrow Heyes too...huh...Heyes being quiet would spook the Kid for sure. OMG the german place across the river sounds like a riot...can't believe that sort of thing went on...haha...can you imagine the boys faces!...good one Red applause

Alias Alice - I can really relate to this story... I play "see-er" quite a lot for charity events...with my mates...otherwise known as the covern.   Couldn't help feeling Stella wasn't going to have a tomorrow or any future as part of the doomed Curry clan... sad but such a clever way of looking at the boys well known back story from another angle... two thumbs

cac - you jumped in....WELL DONE!...hehehhe...can't help thinking this is a bit topical cac...oh it's post amnesty... Heyes in an office and Kid manning a staging post...with a wife...are we going to get more of this future verse? sounds interesting....loving Kid's arguments over breakfast... How come Heyes isn't biting?  I can just hear Kid , but I'm not sure whether he's sincere or yanking Heyes' chain...sincere probably...Yes ..totally agree...both the boys showed a very enlightened attitude to Joe Simms... maybe Heyes should run for Governor... well done...really good read! thumbsup
Back to top Go down
Penski
Moderator
avatar

Posts : 1215
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 56
Location : Northern California

PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sat Nov 12, 2016 7:18 am

Cal –  lol2 Curry calling Shakespeare Shaky and using the quote to try to sleep.  I love missing scenes and I can really see Heyes fretting all night just thinking about that gold buried forever.  Made perfect sense that they might ask where the gold was even if just to let the authorities know making themselves look good in the eyes of the law.  Wonderful ending with Charlie not wanting to tempt them – “… what you and the Kid were saying to me about the Governor …and him promising you amnesty…  Weren’t right fer me to tempt you like that… I was like that mean ol’ snake in the Garden of Eden…”
“You weren’t being no snake Charlie…” smiled Heyes.
Great challenge!  
applause

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
RosieAnnie

avatar

Posts : 698
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 98
Location : The Comfy Chair

PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sat Nov 12, 2016 8:12 am

Wichita Red: Well, that was enough to distract Curry from questioning Heyes any more! I had no idea such an event as "the running of the doves" really happened. Truth is stranger than fiction, isn't it? Very creative use of the prompt.

Alias Alice: Another creative use of the prompt. It took me a minute to realize that this was before the raid on Lawrence (not your fault -- it's Saturday, and I'm even slower than usual), and that lent an air of foreboding about what could have been a fun day at the fair. Makes perfect sense that the reader got spooked by a real glimpse into the future.

Cac: Very timely story, for those of us in the U.S. I would vote for a reformed Hannibal Heyes for sure. I could see Heyes actually thinking about it for a minute in your story, and then rejecting the idea. Was a seed planted thought? Wondering . . .

Cal: I always thought that episode's premise was a little off. Wouldn't Heyes and Curry figure that they could lead the law to the gold and then claim a reward? Especially Lom being the lawman, because they could trust him. Your story filled in that gap for me and made the episode more sensible. And yeah, the Scottish play is a perfect fit for the prompt.



_________________
"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly."

"The failure in doing something is stopping too soon."
Back to top Go down
sistergrace

avatar

Posts : 504
Join date : 2012-04-22
Location : Devil's Hole

PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sun Nov 13, 2016 12:37 pm

Finishing October comments before I move on to November.

Penski - So glad you shared your story with us. ALWAYS better to share stories, no matter when they get posted. Great challenge! Grandpa Curry was one wise ghost! cigar

_________________
Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.
Back to top Go down
cac



Posts : 90
Join date : 2016-03-16

PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Wed Nov 16, 2016 9:09 pm

Wichita Red-one thing I like about this story is the surreal aspect of it. It’s intense for half of it what with Heyes trying to shake off the lingering horror. You also really captured their personalities with Heyes deciding just how far he can push Kid balanced by Kid’s awareness of Heyes’ concern coupled with leaving him alone until he’s ready to explain. Then we suddenly have the out-of-nowhere running of the nekkid women! It feels just as unreal as the showdown with evil the night before. Great balance between the two parts with that “surreal” aspect linking them.

Alias Alice-the best thing about this story is that I share the growing horror of Maria as I realize (as she does not, obviously) that the Lawrence raid is coming very soon. I wonder if Maria will survive it, and if she does, what a devastating realization she’ll have as she sees at least the prophecy for Stella come true so soon. I can’t help but fill in the spaces suggested by your clues in my own imagination. Is Julia pregnant by rape that happened during the raid or happily by her future husband? She didn’t want to settle down, so is that why she married? Agh. And Yvette-did she go east because she had no more family? And Stella/Jed’s mom. We know she died at some point in the war, but after Stella’s funeral I guess, when she placed the fan with her daughter's body? Of grief or her own injuries? Or did Stella get the fan when the mom died? I don’t know, and neither did Maria. I’d find it disconcerting as Maria to know in some way that you’re predicting the truth, that something is communicating through you, even though they sound like traditional good things-baby, marriage, beautiful gifts. But they aren’t happy predictions, clearly. What an interesting, different way to tell the “raid” story.

Cal-I love that old Scottish play, but I couldn’t think of a way to work it in! Love this: “you sure you don’t want Charlie to light our way to a dusty desert… Out, out brief…LAMP…I gotta sleep.” Ha! Perfect with the lack of sleep! I always appreciate when Kid is properly shown to have a brain. I like how you played with the Shakespearean and ASJ theme of what gives life meaning…gold or something else? And the theme of temptation, both in the play and your story. Delightful. I would have liked to see something with Alice/Lady Macbeth, but I can’t figure out how I’d work her in that way. Thinking about Charlie and how he ate that watermelon: “Nothing in his life became him like the leaving it; he died as one that had been studied in his death to throw away the dearest thing he owed, as ‘t were a careless trifle.”
Back to top Go down
Cal

avatar

Posts : 221
Join date : 2016-01-06
Age : 58
Location : Wales UK

PostSubject: cac   Thu Nov 17, 2016 1:42 am

cac - Thanks for the feedback on Tomorrow....I love your quote for Charlie....and Alice as Lady MacB!.....Doh! Wish I'd thought of it......

I post my stories on another site....hope you don't mind if I add the Charlie quote as an epilogue when I do that ....its so fitting.

Thanks again Calx awsome
Back to top Go down
sistergrace

avatar

Posts : 504
Join date : 2012-04-22
Location : Devil's Hole

PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Thu Nov 17, 2016 5:13 am

WichitaRed - From the "Walking Dead" 13smilie to the "Runnin' Nekkid" Shocked this story is certainly taking some unexpected turns! I cannot imagine where you might take us next month. Very enjoyable challenge. Also enjoyed your historic note at the end.


Alias Alice - Definitely a different take on the challenge. Very interesting. Eerie too. sm You have definitely conveyed the "ominous" feeling that something horrible is about to happen. I have a feeling these girls are going to learn, like Marty McFly did, that knowing too much about your future is never a good thing. two thumbs


cac - YAY!!! Way to go, cac! wow Glad you decided to take the plunge. I like that the boys finally got their amnesty and appear to be doing well. Heyes might make a pretty good governor! And from the sounds of it, Kid Curry could be beneficial as his campaign manager, putting a positive spin on things. Well done! Hope to read more from you soon. applause


Cal - Oh, I really love how you've written Charlie! thumbsup "Weren't right fer me to tempt you like that... I was like that mean ol' snake i the Garden of Eden..." You had me chuckling out loud. Poor Heyes and Curry. No gold for them tomorrow! gold coins

_________________
Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.
Back to top Go down
WichitaRed
Moderator
avatar

Posts : 471
Join date : 2012-12-07
Location : Wichita

PostSubject: feedback   Sat Nov 19, 2016 8:12 am

Thanks for the feedback ladies. I too have no idea where Destiny's Cycle will turn, I have to wait to see what Calico throws out. Glad y'all enjoyed Running of the Doves, I find it one of our odder pieces of history around here. It came up in discussion while we were waiting for our next round of gunfighting... and Badda bing Badda boom... I knew I had my segment for November. The trick was how to get there.

_________________
Wichita Red, "I'm not really a rebel, but I take chances. I have a good time, and I live life the way I want to live it."  
Back to top Go down
http://www.redrockphotography.com
Cal

avatar

Posts : 221
Join date : 2016-01-06
Age : 58
Location : Wales UK

PostSubject: Tomorrow   Tue Nov 29, 2016 6:30 am

Hey Penski....just got time before my flight....good timing!

OOOO exciting...meeting Lom in Cyene....Cheyenne...that's the Governors place...right? I'm not surprised Kid is cautious...If he's read half the fan fiction I have....he needs to be worried coffee Laughing ooooh....good news....I'm toasting the Governor with me polystyrene coffee mug coffee “Almost worth those years of tryin’ for amnesty.”...I'm wondering how many years....but I'm wanting to give them both a big cwtch grouphug different governors.....many years then...
“What are we gonna do once we get amnesty?”
“What do you mean?”

Aw bless...guess they never let themselves dream it would be granted.  These boys need to read more fanfic...of course you're staying partners and settling down....duh...I always thought riding in a stage would be very bouncy and uncomfortable... scared don't even talk about it being a trap boys....Lom wouldn't do that....and Penski knows it....
“If you say so, Heyes.”
“I do.”

....aw and I do too.

Shocked

Ms Penski.....we're having words when I get back..........
Back to top Go down
Alias Alice



Posts : 176
Join date : 2013-04-02
Location : Yorkshire, UK

PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Tue Nov 29, 2016 8:37 am

Witchita Red

I like the way you are writing a continuous story as you go along, prompted by each month's challenge. Sounds fairly difficult to me, even more difficult than the challenges usually are. But it seems to work very successfully.

I always like the dialogue you write between the boys. How well they can 'read' each other. Good job writing of Heyes' s moodiness and anxiety for Kid here.

What an amazing custom! Felt sure you'd invented it for the occasion until I read it actually used to happen in your own home town. Let's hope they don't revive it! Or will they . . .

(BTW, I replied to your attachment a few days ago. Not sure that you have seen my reply).
Back to top Go down
Alias Alice



Posts : 176
Join date : 2013-04-02
Location : Yorkshire, UK

PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Tue Nov 29, 2016 8:51 am

Cac

Well, I like the idea of Heyes as a political thinker. Agree with all Kid's reasons for saying he'd make a good candidate and a good politician.

Vote for Heyes? Yes, definitely!

Cal

Very amusing and enjoyable, like all your entries. Nice to introduce Macbeth's 'Tomorrow' speech. Trust Heyes to know it off by heart, and to like Shakespeare - dragging poor old Kid to watch the whole play once! (It can only have done him good, by the way!)

I enjoyed how you showed the workings of Heyes's mind. - Was it Charlie he thought more about, or the $100,000? Or both? Perhaps it was a a good thing that Charlie kept temptation out of his way! But drat! - the boys miss out on the money again. Can't they ever catch an even break?

Penski

Oh no! What an ending! I wasn't expecting it. What a shock! Ironic. And you lead up to it very well, lulling us into a false sense of security. Hope that's not the end.
Back to top Go down
Penski
Moderator
avatar

Posts : 1215
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 56
Location : Northern California

PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Wed Nov 30, 2016 10:30 am

MoulinP – We were both thinking along the same lines with the boys contemplating a future with amnesty, but with very different endings.  Love how finally getting the long-awaited amnesty was anti-climactic for them and made them wonder about the future.  It made sense that they would have a settling down period in Porterville where Lom can keep an eye on them while they adjust to real jobs and a home.  I can definitely see the Kid being jealous of Heyes’ job.  Very nicely done!

Remuda - I can see why this story was so appropriate for the “Tomorrow” challenge.  I’m with Jed about learning parts of books or speeches.  Thanks for posting again.

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
RosieAnnie

avatar

Posts : 698
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 98
Location : The Comfy Chair

PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Thu Dec 01, 2016 5:20 pm

Finishing up November. There's an amnesty theme going this month.

Penski: Wow, you really took me through some big emotions here. First the excitement, then thoughtfulness, then disaster -- I think! I choose to think there's a happy ending to this story. Must be the Christmas season getting to me.

MoulinP: I like the idea of a 6-month wait with a guaranteed outcome. Although they have things to keep them physically occupied, it's very easy to see them laying awake in the middle of the night, talking to each other in the dark. And yeah, the end of something -- even the crazy, stressful, dangerous quest for amnesty -- is a loss. You show a lot of insight here.


_________________
"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly."

"The failure in doing something is stopping too soon."
Back to top Go down
RosieAnnie

avatar

Posts : 698
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 98
Location : The Comfy Chair

PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Thu Dec 01, 2016 5:38 pm

Remuda: There's a wistful tone to this story that I particularly like. Maybe it's the comparison of Kansas to the southwest, or the childhood memories reflected in the adult life. It's sweet and sad at the same time.

_________________
"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly."

"The failure in doing something is stopping too soon."
Back to top Go down
Cal

avatar

Posts : 221
Join date : 2016-01-06
Age : 58
Location : Wales UK

PostSubject: Tomorrow   Fri Dec 02, 2016 4:07 am

MoulinP - got me hooked straight away.....bunks?.....are they kids? or ranch hands?....why nervous?....good start Moulin....AMNESTY!...yeh! The Kid had hooted, hollered and jigged around the sheriff’s office. hope it was a better jig than the one he did for Bilson....but they sound so down....haha liking the hardware store....I know where that goes...clothes horses Moulin?....I think you've pointed out a very sensible point here....normal life...mucking out horses....after armed robbery and gunfights...anti-climax....you've got this "feeling the loss" coming across in your writing with just the right tone. I love the way you use Heyes' appearance to illustrate the lifting of the worry  The Kid hadn’t realised quite how hard the strain had been on his partner. really puts us in the room seeing the difference for ourselves. “It’s not like I’d imagined it to be.” Nothing ever is, is it?.....really good read Moulin two thumbs
Back to top Go down
Cal

avatar

Posts : 221
Join date : 2016-01-06
Age : 58
Location : Wales UK

PostSubject: Tomorrow   Fri Dec 02, 2016 4:23 am

Remuda...I have read this before....and loved it...I can just see Jed not being impressed with having to learn Shakespeare as a Kid....and Heyes loving it and having to pretend it was a chore.... but the play’s the thing...haha he's even quoting Hamlet...even back then...and it sails over little Jed's head....“Ya mean there’s more of that stuff?” had me laughing out loud....love it...oh brilliant we've shot forward in time....so effective....“Brings back …” I'm glad you left us to fill in there...we all know exactly what they mean....When he looked up, they shared a soulful glance. what a lovely mellow fall feeling is conjured up by your writing....and the final lines....of course it has to be Tomorrow, and tomorrow....... thumbsup applause
Back to top Go down
Calico

avatar

Posts : 542
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 52
Location : Birmingham

PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sat Dec 03, 2016 12:29 am

Here I am, at last, up nice and early Saturday to catch up. If only if I tea… Dings bell, hopefully.

1) WichitaRed


Ahah, something ba.a.a.ad is still happening in Wichita.
Oooh fruit Danish. I could so manage a fruit Danish.
I had never heard of the running of the Doves, Wichita.
How interesting! Loving the phrase curving and bulging in all the right places. [Calico surreptitiously tucks in a bulge.]
Darling boys! They have to at least stay till next Sunday, now.


2) Alias Alice

Just to clarify – Alexander Heyes is mine, all mine. Snirt.
I’m sure we’re all picking up the ‘Lawrence’ warning… nice understated menace hit, Alice. That was REALLY good Alice, loved it.
Less is more – really poignant.


3) Cac


Glad you finished and are playing in the Challenge.

Can’t say I think much of your premise, though. Surely unpopular, or even – gasp – possibly less than 100% truthful folk don’t stand for office over there in the States?
Wry chuckle.
Plus ca change.
This list of qualities will be why some ladies have Heyes taking office in some futures.
And – a toast to our favourite bounty hunter to round off.
Succinctly and smoothly done, Cac. Clapping.




4) Cal


The Scottish play? Do you mean…
“Hot potato, off the stand, blood will make amends…” [Blackadder III]

OH – Poor Charlie, that is one of my favourite episodes. I get a little lump in my throat as Alice sings to him.
Dear Heyes – buried gold can kinda play on a larcenous mind.
A huge larcenous, gold-fuelled grin - love it.
And Charlie has had a surge of virtue, so all HH’s efforts are for nothing. Awwww.
Gentle snicker.



5) Penski


Are they getting it? Really? Tomorrow?
Oh good heavens above!! I thought I was going to be in for a wistful tomorrow never comes story – with the boys being stalled once again…
But instead.
Oh, I guess you never know what is around the next bend, huh?




6) MoulinP

Ah! This time the boys have their amnesty. And six months to think and plan.
You know what, those side burn of Heyes’ need a talking to. They have fuzzy ideas above their station.
Do the boys want to come do a little spring cleaning for me?
Awww – liking very much them slipping back to their childhood names. Nice uplifting ending, Moulin.







Back to top Go down
Alias Alice



Posts : 176
Join date : 2013-04-02
Location : Yorkshire, UK

PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Mon Dec 05, 2016 7:52 am

Interesting 'take' on the amnesty, once the boys have actually won it. We usually don't get past the idea of mega-celebrations! Seems more realistic to think that actually it might be a bit of an anti-climax until they get used to the idea. But I like the mood of quiet contentment at the end. We feel they're going to be all right! Good challenge!
Back to top Go down
sistergrace

avatar

Posts : 504
Join date : 2012-04-22
Location : Devil's Hole

PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Mon Dec 05, 2016 2:57 pm

Penski - What?! I will be okay with this ending ONLY if you tell me that you are continuing this story in December's challenge! Very suspenseful story, Penski.


MoulinP - Heyes and Curry voiced some very real concerns in your challenge. I'm sure that, after outlawing for so many years, it would be difficult to remember any law-abiding dreams they may have had. I'm glad you left both of them on a positive note though. I think the two of them are going to be just fine.


Remuda - I'm glad you re-shared that one. Your stories are always enjoyable. Well done!

_________________
Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.
Back to top Go down
RosieAnnie

avatar

Posts : 698
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 98
Location : The Comfy Chair

PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Tue Dec 13, 2016 7:56 am

Starting December.

Wichita Red: I like Barton, but I can see where too many stories of the old days would make Heyes crazy and "nervy." I also like the name Milo James, and Barton's comments on it. Some beautiful description here, too, particularly bits like "Curry plucked a piece of long grass and chewing on the end, he watched his cousin, following his own shadow stretching out thin and dark in front of him." Very nice job showing us the scenery.

Inside Outlaw: I have a feeling the idea for this came upon you like a flash of lightning. A good, imaginative use of the prompt. It's dark, of course, but also realistic and scary. Lots of vivid description like Wichita Red, but yours, of course, is a view of the internal landscape. "No one but the Kid understood that his brain was a double-edged sword.  It swirled with words and ideas milling about like a terrible diarrhea of consciousness never giving him any peace." Wow! And that Kid realized he would've killed Heyes' murderers himself, and grateful, too, for that.

_________________
"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly."

"The failure in doing something is stopping too soon."
Back to top Go down
Cal

avatar

Posts : 221
Join date : 2016-01-06
Age : 58
Location : Wales UK

PostSubject: Under the tree   Tue Dec 13, 2016 8:16 am

WichitaRed - What a lovely quiet reflective read....the calm inaction suiting the languid gunslinger...the sheer peace of it driving the dimpled one crazy.  Really enjoyed following the wait for the engine...and...I definitely want to know where this goes next.

Inside Outlaw - when I first read that prompt....the first image that came into my mind was a hanging body...what a lovely bunch of Christmassy story tellers we are...thank goodness I only played with the idea in my head because I couldn't have come near this.  Loved the way you have us in Heyes' head, hearing the sneering but concentrating on the self recrimination.  The early dangle of hope....he was riding out to meet Kid...but Kid was late...tension on tension.  The resolve was done so well...it wasn't about the hanging...it was the change in Heyes.  Tremendous writing. Kudos.
Back to top Go down
Penski
Moderator
avatar

Posts : 1215
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 56
Location : Northern California

PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Tue Dec 13, 2016 3:53 pm

Wichita Red – Heyes sure doesn’t do well with waiting in this story.  Being on the run, they have to be thinking folks are looking at them “that way” making them nervous.  Kid’s smart staying low in the shadow and not being obvious by pacing.  Hmm… so Curry is using another alias than Thaddeus?  (I do like the name Milo James.)  Great, here come more railroad men to fix the engine – more men to remember two outlaws who robbed a train they were on.  Will be fun to see where Calico’s next challenge takes the boys!   sm

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
Penski
Moderator
avatar

Posts : 1215
Join date : 2012-04-22
Age : 56
Location : Northern California

PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Tue Dec 13, 2016 3:54 pm

Inside Outlaw – This was an awesome challenge!  So many great descriptions that you can feel the trickle of sweat running down a back or feel the noose tightening.  Great how at the end Heyes was quiet and reflective – resigned to his fate.  Loved the pause and “Pain…”  Phew!  The Kid made it just in a nick of time!  Perfect how Heyes doesn’t quickly recover from his near mishap.  Loved how both are reflective but this time in different directions.  I too loved this sentence - No one but the Kid understood that his brain was a double-edged sword.  It swirled with words and ideas milling about like a terrible diarrhea of consciousness never giving him any peace.  Amazing piece of work!
wow

_________________
h
"Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   

Back to top Go down
 
Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 2 of 16Go to page : Previous  1, 2, 3 ... 9 ... 16  Next
 Similar topics
-
» Awestruck Comments - Open 16th Sept 2013 - Closed 13th June 2014
» Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15
» Awestruck Comments
» Little Leigh Steam Party - Leigh Arms Public House, Cheshire - 1st & 2nd October
» October Artist Contest ~Halloween Edition!~

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Alias Smith and Jones Writers  :: The Writing Spot :: The Story Challenge :: Awestruck Comments-
Jump to: