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cac



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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Tue Mar 28, 2017 10:39 pm

Anyone else notice how many stories Lom has been in lately?

Nebraska Wildfire: Love this line-it really shows off your descriptive talent: “Slowly a couple of the shadows separated themselves from the general gloom of the night, and resolved into a dark haired genius and his silent blonde partner.” And such a creative use of “wrong envelopes” with the prison papers being the first ones!

Nm131: I LOVE seeing Carlotta again. It’s one of the few later episodes that I really enjoy; I think she’s a great character in a great story. I can imagine her bringing out the best in Big Mac over time where he’d combine his humor with something generous like this that would really make a difference. What a fun way to bring Harlingen back as well! I can just see him sputter as he deals with those outlaws again ☺ And what a fantastic final line that really sets this story apart, a bit unsettling and reflective of how unreal it all would be.

MoulinP: Feels sort of Dickensian, Bloodstone and his workers. It’s a perfect snippet of a scene, complete in itself describing such a horrible job. Nicely and vividly written and a very fun accompaniment to your longer story (that I hope you’ll finish!).

Cornelia May: I like how believable this is, that this woman showed caring toward them at such a horrible time in their lives. They must have had people like this in their past, especially after their families died, to have retained their basic “good men” natures.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Thu Mar 30, 2017 11:56 am

Nm131 wrong envelope

What they completely ironic twist of fate. I could see big Mac doing this. And I can hear Peterson laughing. But the best is the image of them in a board room with the men they irritated oh so much. Fun idea no one else came up with one like this great job

MoulinP wrong envelope

Oh boy this sounds like a great lead in on your story. Where will the mixed up letters regarding Land take the story. Great curiosity and those guys despite the pay need a new job

CorneliaMay wrong envelope
Interesting idea, someone from the past who remember them fondly. I like that she left each of them and watch, much like you would a son. Very nice little story, thank you for sharing

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Thu Mar 30, 2017 8:31 pm

Gunslinger – Welcome back! Okay, I’m putting myself in her place and, yeah, I’d be reacting very similar. Disbelief followed by anger at not being told and ending with acceptance. I’m not sure the Kid would marry with first telling his gal about his past – he’d still be a target for any gunslingers to make a name for themselves by killing Kid Curry. However, you do have him continuing his alias so the threat wouldn’t be there. Good job!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Fri Mar 31, 2017 8:02 pm

Rosie Annie - Are you the wire dodger this month? Glad you found time to write. I love childhood stories and seeing their character and skills developing. Han is perfecting his breaking-in techniques and Jed is learning his role of keeping watch. You wrote well how Jed is younger, more naïve and not wanting to go against his upbringing. Heyes is older and realizes what it's going to take to live on their own. thumbsup

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Sat Apr 01, 2017 1:06 am




1) Cac


Loving HH thinking he should beat Kid even on Solitaire.
AH – Clem mixed up her photos. (Actually – I also find Diamond Jim charming – she could do worse!)
And she uses her Lom photo to lever him … that’s our Clem!
Clever stuff, Cac.



2) Cal

Right – I am fetching the guitar to strum.

I am grinning ear to ear … and I’m only as far as an eshhplutterinin’ word.

Paws clapping loudly. That was properly funny. Dear, dear gang.




3) WichitaRed

Two tickets to Denver? Denver, as we all know, is a nice town.
I am loving HH teasing Kid. ‘Sure, blue eyes.’
Of course, HH would always keep a secret stash under his hat.
Ooooh and our very own Maz gave a fillip to the lurrrrrrve letter huh? Well, two heads … as they say. Well done ladies. That was a lot of fun.



4) Nebraska Wildfire

I think we have a challenge newbie?? Welcome, welcome, welcome.
One can hardly blame our boys for being so sceptical.
… The title of the challenge is making me nervous. Something has to be wrong with what’s in those envelopes.
Ooooh, so the governor had two options under consideration.
But we get the right envelopes eventually.
I like that Heyes really does understand the governor’s politicking and doesn’t resent it.
Awww – so they are free and together. Awww.



5) Nm131

Oh no, not Big Mac! He is a prime plot device.
That is really, really clever NM they have leverage!! And love Heyes being reminded he only owns the safe – not the contents.
I am shocked at the suggestion of misuse of political donor arrangements! You cynic. Snirt.
Very good plot there NM. Clapping hard.



6) MoulinP

Dang paperwork!! I feel for those clerks.
So our Jeremiah – I mean Jedidiah – will get the letter meant for that other fella. Clearly there are plot machinations ahead.


7) Cornelia May

Awww, somebody cared about our boys when they ran from the orflanlage.
And another last will and testament story – serendipity. So, the boys also now have a lawyer to promote their interests.



8) Gunslinger


Ooooh, so she is about to find out a big secret from the past. She does have a point, Kid. Before not after the wedding is ‘fess up time.
She is obviously a devoted Curryette to forgive him so easily. Must be the blue eyes, huh?


9) Penski

Why do I think maybe Kid has ridden off with the wrong envelope?
Still, at least we see HH joining in a little leg work for once.
Love Kid having the feeling he’s being followed!! Er, yeah…
And there he is, making it hard for Heyes to find him.
Love the ‘champeen tracker’ gloat from Heyes.
That was such a simple plot device – but so much in the spirit of the show.



10) RosieAnnie


Raiding the headmaster’s desk. Yikes!
Oh, what Han says about stealing “We ain’t doing this for the rest of our lives; we’re just doing this long enough to get us a stake.” … I came over all sad. Aww. Sniff.
And he liked the thrill – which is completely believable.
Aw. Touching Rosie Annie.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Sat Apr 01, 2017 6:58 am

Gunslinger wrong envelope
Good to see you another story.What a terrifying and fascinating couple days for Mrs. Jones. That would be one wrong envelope you would never forget. Thank you for sharing.

Penski wrong envelope

Great opening sounded like it was right out of the episode.
Had not even thought of the fact that Curry would not let anyone catch up with him when I moved onto the next section. Really good idea. Just really enjoyed the partnership you had going on in the story. Well done thanks for sharing

Rosieannie. Wrong envelope

Really fun listening to the boys doing that for us breaking up. Love the line I can read Can't I. Oh but it's not Hannibal's first time a breaking and that's interesting. I like the whole discussion about stealing and how this is only for short time. Good irony you're playing out there.
It also shows how very larcenous Hannibal is right from the beginning. Thank you for sharing




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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Sun Apr 02, 2017 4:33 pm

Finishing up March. . . I can't believe it's already April.

Moulin P: Sounds like you've worked for a tyrannical boss, too. I'm enjoying your story very much. Great storytelling!

Cornelia May: It is so sweet that the schoolteacher remembered them. It makes perfect sense that they would be very touched by the gesture.

Gunslinger: Wow, I can see where the wife would be very shocked and angry, if she found out this news after the marriage.

Penski: Oops! Good thing Kid didn't have too much of a head start on Heyes. The reference to Santa Marta was hilarious.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Sun Apr 02, 2017 9:04 pm

There are so many lovely stories for March; I see I'm behind on commenting.
Cornelia May:  Knowing our boys as we do, it's not hard to imagine a spinster lady remembering them for so long and so fondly. Touching story even with our boys' true nature seen as they wonder if she left them anything of value.
gunslinger:  I like that even after learning who he really is, she is worried about being a good wife, and the Kid is still helping clean up. It seems things will still go well for them, and maybe better with the truth revealed.
Penski:  My favorite part of this story is the Kid knowing he's being followed and Heyes' knowing he knows, and waiting for him with supper.
RosieAnnie:   As always, your writing says more than the words on the paper. There is such lovely foreshadowing, with Jed watching and worrying and Han plotting, planning, and enjoying it.
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PostSubject: Wrong Envellope   Mon Apr 03, 2017 5:09 am

I know what you mean NB... I've been away and stupid busy for a bit... and look at all the great stories... Sorry wrters this is going to have to be quick... I'd rather spend my limited time reading than writing...

MoulinP - I'm going to have to read this in its entirety to get the whole picture... that will be a pleasure not a chore... interesting glimpse into the office though..

Nelia - Whose passed? Not Clem...or George i hope...Oh... a good Samaritan... and they impressed her enough to want to take them in... aw another missed future.. I'm also wondering if we will be able to keep it since we are wanted outlaws.. I wondering that too... That was unusual.. we so often think of them as motherless... what a shame they didn't realise Martha was thinking of them all those years.

Gunslinger...Hello again... fab you wrote another challenge..  Great idea... oooo Kid kept a journal.. One later found by a new wife....lolx . Good take on the wrong envelope... though if this clears the air in the marriage...eventually... I think it may have been the right envelope.

Penski - Too busy reading to comment... loving the action... loving the fact that Kid knows he's being followed... and Heyes knows Kid knows.... lol. Excellent work... Glad you're back on the challenge pony.... missed you.

RosieAnnie... Hey a young ones story... Again loving the action....I can see it all happening. The portents to their future are very revealing.... yes Heyes would be getting a kick out of the whole thing.  Another great story for March.  I've read lots of spur of the moment decisions to leave the home...interesting to read one where they'd put a lot of planning into it.

Grief....you haven't made voting easy this month.... gonna need another coffee before I can face a vote....lolx
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Mon Apr 03, 2017 12:23 pm

Talk about March Madness!  study wow  Writers, your challenge entries for March blow me away. windy



cac - Your challenge was a nice bit of April Fool's fun.   cool And it seems that good old "Lombard" Trevors learned a trick or two from the Silver-tongued one!  


Cal - What a crazy mix up!  This song is a hoot, especially as the words of the chorus become more and more obscured. applause


WichitaRed - This line really stood out for me: “Swear every time I read that book’s name my stomach clenches. Why would you read such a thing?”  wanted  How nice of Miz Maz to lend her assistance with a letter for The Blue-eyed One!  


Nebraska Wildfire - Am I mistaken or is this your FIRST challenge entry here?!  Woohoo and Welcome!  flags
Two paragraphs stood out for me -- The boys nervously waiting in the governor's office, and immediately after opening the "wrong envelopes."  Both these sections are top notch!  Heyes' nervous shifting and Curry's practiced calm, as well as anger from both men, were all expressed perfectly and definitely in character. Some fun lines too, like the one about politics and running an outlaw gang being similar. Great challenge!


nm131 - Well, nm, you've gone and done it. You have completely sold me on the idea that this is EXACTLY how the whole thing went down.  Uncle Mac is a gem, and I am sure that it is his will that eventually leads to amnesty for Heyes and Curry!  Well done! cigar


MoulinP - Pine Lake or Grassy Flatts?   huh The world may never know.  Fun story, Moulin.  


Cornelia May - Well done, Cornelia!  two thumbs  I enjoyed the glimpse into HH and KC"s past and their connection to the woman who might have given them a home.


gunslinger - I'm not sure how I might feel if I were to discover that my husband had lied about something really important...like, for instance, his identity.  Shocked  I would think I'd be pretty dang mad.  However, since the husband in question happens to be Kid Curry, I'm thinkin' that making up might be more fun than staying mad!  Good story, gunslinger!


Penski - I can definitely see something like this happening to the boys.  I especially liked Heyes' reference to being "Champeen tracker."  Really enjoyed this one, Penski!  BBQ


RosieAnnie - Great challenge, Rosie!  The lies that they tell each other (and themselves) are so easy to believe.   yes This scene sets the stage for just about every decision these two boys would make for the next decade--or maybe for the rest of their lives.  Well written!

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cac



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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Thu Apr 06, 2017 5:37 pm

Gunslinger-my favorite line: “Why would my new husband have wanted posters for them? …. My husband was never a detective. Was he?” So funny that she didn’t dream her husband might be one of the outlaws!

Penski-reminds me of the departure scene in RTDH. I love your final scene, with the discussion of each knowing Kid was being followed and Heyes’ “champeen tracker” comment ☺ Fun!

RosieAnnie: As the others said, I love how Heyes tries to act all cool and natural but Jed calls him on it ☺ Right on with the seeds of their future adult relationship right here.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Sun Apr 09, 2017 12:38 pm

bronc   And first outta the gate this month is...

Maz - Really enjoyed this challenge watching the Kid clean his gun while Heyes figured out the formula for a future successful train robbery.  Good thing the Kid figured out what Heyes wanted him to do and nixed that portion of the formula.  Loved it!
 thumbsup

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Sun Apr 09, 2017 8:45 pm

Maz:  Thanks for the fun story.  It was a delight to read.  I enjoyed the fact that the Kid could stop Heyes' run away "formulating" with just (okay, maybe a bit more) a look.  
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PostSubject: Formula   Mon Apr 10, 2017 1:29 am

Maz - You got me...when you put them in a hotel room ...I had them seeking amnesty ...not the outlaw leaders. Funny how I went back and read it different when I knew that they were younger, and outlaws.  Kid cleaning the gun seems to take on a different meaning some how. The tale is excellent as usual...just the right amount of humour and the relationship is spot on.  Kid cuts right through that 'formula' and sees the biggest obstacle glaring at him ...while Heyes is tied up in all the details... love it.

Nebraska Wildfire... this is a new take on the home for me... a benevolent set of Sisters doing their best and a High school education... Never would have come up with that.  I prefer the longer version because I like it when the stories are linked to the men we know from the series.  I think your ideas, around Heyes' motivations after the unfortunate dance and the Bankers withdrawal of his backing, and the continued financial support of the home by H&C then S&J, are fabulous and again new to me. I think you did a really good job showing how certain well known traits of the West's two most notorius outlaws developed from an early age.  draw
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Mon Apr 10, 2017 1:26 pm

Maz: Kid is so patient and understanding -- until the moment he isn't. This short story is a nice illustration of their partnership, and why Heyes needs Kid's ideas and criticisms.

Nebraska Wildfire: What a tragedy! And no, I'm not being ironic or exaggerating here. It's tragic that the happy trajectory of a life can be thrown off by one incident. I don't doubt that people in the town were suspicious of the boys of Valparaiso, so that Han is not given the benefit of the doubt. Since you asked for feedback, I'll say that I like the longer version better, because, in that story, you have more space to flesh out the last part of the story. The narrative in the shorter version does work; it's just that, seeing the longer version, the added dialogue and exposition really add a lot to the richness of the story.

Cal: Oh boy, the outlaw leader is having trouble with one very bright little girl. And her memory is probably very good, too. Can't wait to see where this story goes!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Mon Apr 10, 2017 2:44 pm

Nebraska Wildfire..a different take on life in Valparaiso and I really enjoyed it. So that's what got them into safe cracking!

Cal...loved Heyes being the teacher and really want to know more of the brilliant Frankie.

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PostSubject: The Wrong envelope   Mon Apr 10, 2017 3:28 pm

Catching up with the rest of March's challenges

Gunslinger - Glad to see you back again, keep writing. I have to say Kid's wife took the revelation from the wrong envelope better than I would have. Although maybe not if the baby blues were turned on me.

Penski - I loved the idea of the champion tracker tracking the expert possee evader. The best thing was Heyes having the meal cooked and ready for Kid, aah what a good partner.

Rosie Annie - This story was a poignant foreshadowing for the future. Han's lead, finding a reasonable rational, and enjoying the thrill and Jed's hesitancy, caution, and loyalty. Thanks for the take on how it all started.
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PostSubject: A Formula for Everything   Mon Apr 10, 2017 3:49 pm

April's challenges
Maz - Quick out of the gate. Fooled me at first by setting it in the Outlaw Days as I immediately placed it in the series timeline. Of course, Kid the practical action man would spot the problem with Heyes formula for a perfect train robbery. However, I remember reading one of your stories (and loving it LOL) where Heyes did have Kid board the train in a narrow gulch, so maybe Heyes didn't cross it of the plan entirely. train


Nebraska Wildfire - This is a very original perspective on Valpariso. You have written a plausible motivation for embarking on a criminal career and provided circumstances that fostered some canon personality traits. I did like the longer version a bit better since it relates to the men we have gotten to know but the shorter version works well on it's own. safe

Cal - LOL, so many good lines such as "His name was Smith,well sort of". I bet not very many teachers showed up with a six gun stapped to their thigh. Frankie, was a great character and loved how she flustered the ex outlaw gang leader cum teacher. safe train

p.s. I would love to hear that conversation following “Frankie is it? Come here kid …”
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Mon Apr 10, 2017 9:30 pm

Maz: I like how it’s Kid’s rejection of the plan that makes it not work. So it’s not really Heyes who can’t come up with a working formula ☺

I also like the affection with which Kid listens to Heyes huffing over his planning. Such small details that capture, as always, their relationship.

NW: I REALLY like the framing context of the tithing from the larger story. I would be tempted to cut something else to keep at least that initial part in. You’ve made believable the combination of good and bad in the boys, the bank theft as practical revenge yet also leaving money for the horses. Tithing from their later robberies is quite ironic but also a continuation of the theme. Very nicely done! I’m so glad you’ve joined with your stories! You wrote last time that you needed to work on the plot; well, I say you hit it spot on ☺

Cal: What a fun story! Of course Mr. Smith would take that teaching job in that circumstance! I agree, I’d love to overhear that conversation with young Frankie…and I’d love to see the sheriff go out of town or something so the new teacher could continue in his job for a while. I think you could have a lot of fun with it, and now I extra hate your computer meltdown!
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PostSubject: There's a Formula for Everything   Tue Apr 11, 2017 5:33 am

Go me...keeping up with the feedback!

Cac
- First off... reading this I realised it was a P&H 78... not a 404.... that was a Brooker.... DOH... I'm going to have to make an edit to my post... Thank goodness you posted yours quick...that could be embarrassing lol...guess we can't all be experts on safes! So thanks for the heads up on that one.

Heyes didn't bite with the poker 'hook' dangled... loved the crack about Kid not hiring out his gun and it being the same for Heyes not hiring out his brain... made me laugh. He hadn’t told Kid, knowing Kid would deck him. That was a hoot too. $10,000 is a lot of money... and she knows its the price on his head. And she knows to keep them dangling with the promise of regular meals... What a strange lady. The ruse with the false deputy and the safe cracking gear is quite devious... What is she up to? I don't remember a Harlingen daughter.... ahhh... there isn't one. And the Kid sees straight through her,  “What, you think you’re the brains now?” another lol moment.  I don't know who she is cac but I think for a baddie she's got legs... I want to know more about her... and as she knows the boys ...she could return....  Good job!


PS Thanks for the encouragement for my re write... I was going to wait till the end of the month... but I'll get the first five or six scenes posted on my VS site thread... after an edit to correct the number of the safe! Calx
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Tue Apr 11, 2017 12:46 pm

Nebraska Wildfire – So this is where they get some of their hatred for bankers.  As others mentioned, this is a different take on their years at Valparaiso, but very feasible.  How sad that one fight, albeit a poorly timed one, changed so many lives.  Doesn’t sound like Mr. Johnson was 100% on board for financing young Heyes’ college.  Very good challenge!

Of course, I liked the extended version better and seeing that our two pretty good bad men helped support the sisters.  I’m curious if you’re a fan/reader of Helen West’s sagas because your Heyes sounds a lot like her Heyes.


reading


Cal – Oh, oh, Heyes has been railroaded into a position he’s not going to feel comfort in, especially with dear little Frankie.  It’ll be the battle of the wits with Heyes and her and I think she could come out the victor.  Interesting plot to this story – liking it!


reading


Cac – Oh, what a mysterious woman and she know who are guys are.  Loving how she toying with them.  Loved this line - Yes, he was a bit tantalized by the idea, but he was no circus act.  Hmmm… Miss Harlingen, a bar spreader and nitro.  What is she up to?  Good plan on the Kid’s part.  Very enjoyable read!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Tue Apr 11, 2017 2:03 pm

cac - You've found a formula for a very mysterious entry with facts that don't add up, an enigmatic woman, and the danger of having been recognized. I can just picture Heyes salivating over the possible $10,000 and poker and the Kid being won over temporarily by an extra plate of eggs.

Best lines:
Heyes snapped, standing up at the table too, “You don’t hire out your gun; I don’t hire out my brains!”

Heyes said, “What, you think you’re the brains now?”

Kid grinned. “Only on the days you don’t hire them out!”

Thanks for an enjoyable read.

blackjack chips safe gold coins
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Tue Apr 11, 2017 9:21 pm

The mysterious woman actually has a motive, background, and name; I just decided to leave all that out since I think it's interesting how many people like her H&C would have come across. Since they rarely stay anywhere for long, they get this snippet of a person's life and that's it. The TV episodes flesh it out a bit more as to be more satisfying (like in Stagecoach 7, for example), but in "reality," at least in my life, sometimes all you get is a random set of interactions like that. I think, "wow," but there aren't any more answers. I mean, she was someone special in that she knew them and knew about them, but they won't ever know why she wanted to break into the P&H '78 since it wasn't money, or if she would have stopped with that one safe, or what. I like wondering about people in real life, and I don't mind open characters like this because it's interesting to guess at the blank spaces. I just want it to feel deliberate and not sloppy.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Wed Apr 12, 2017 9:35 pm

Cal-LOVING the rest of what you've written so far about Frankie on the Buckshot site. I love her unique perspective, and what a great plan of Heyes' to accommodate his situation with her knowing who he is. I don't want to spoil anything for anyone so I won't write more, but this is just such a pleasure to read! Please don't wrap it up as soon as I think you are going to! Can't somebody fall off a horse or something? Even if our boys leave town, please keep writing about Frankie and her plan.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....   Sun Apr 16, 2017 9:39 pm

Cal:  I liked how Heyes just slipped into the situation, answering to Mr. Smith, as it was now second nature.  Heyes as a teacher fits so well.  I loved where he gave the kids a Devils Hole leader stare to quiet them.  Maybe they aren't so different from some of the boys at the Hole?  My favorite line was "Kid and dynamite, wasn't the most successful combination!"

cac:  My favorite part was that the boys ended up getting out of the situation by telling the truth, mostly.  Purposely keeping the details of the woman sketchy made me wonder all the more.  Great story.

@Penski:  Yes, I have read and am reading Helen's stories.  Making Heyes more studious fit the plot of this story, but I don't see him quite that way in general.
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