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 Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17

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HannaHeyes

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Mon Jan 30, 2017 9:52 pm

nm131 - I really loved this story. Those jobs were perfect for them and a smart decision to take the offer. Maybe this will inspire future stories of things that happened afterward...? Enjoyed all the notes at the end as well.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Tue Jan 31, 2017 12:12 am

What a wonderful job for the boys! It's perfect! Ideal for Kid, but I think Heyes would like it too. I enjoyed reading this story while also learning about famous historical figures at the same time. And something of the history of Yellowstone Park.
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Cal

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PostSubject: Fragile   Tue Jan 31, 2017 6:17 am

nm131 - I really enjoyed this ... I learnt quite a lot too which is always a bonus .. thank you.  I liked how you set us up with the boys expectations for the meeting ... not a lot after three years of trying.  Lom's part in the meeting was very entertaining and Kid's explanation of how much of the territory he already new and how he knew it made me laugh.  I agree with HannaHeyes... I can see a whole story cannon going off post amnesty here, and what a fine set up ... our heroes against the poachers and land grabbers in defence of Mother Nature. Fabulous take on the post amnesty situation. Love it applause

I also agree with cac... its a tough one to vote on this month... what a fab crop of challenges!
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nm131

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Tue Jan 31, 2017 10:02 am

Cal - I love outlaw day stories, and this was a heartracing early days story. I can picture a young, still slightly naïve Kid clutching desperately to his horse's mane muttering profanities. Good thing the more wordly Heyes was the only one who realized just how fragile life could have been.

Eleanor W - This was a nice mixture of drunken despondency, humour, and Heyesian optimistic silver tongue.

Rosie Ann - In Winter is one of my favorite stories of yours and this chapter was worth the wait. The conversation between Thaddeus and Adelaide was very well written. The pacing of the story is perfect for the characters and situation. I can't wait to see where you take us although I know how I would want it to end.

Wichita Red - I have been following this story on another site and look forward to each chapter. Kid has long ago accepted the fragility of his own life but Heyes' life is another matter. I wasn't expecting the surprise ending, well done.

cac - Lindsay is a resourceful and confident girl. I loved how she reacted differently to each partner. Kid was certainly in character when he advised he about ladies and guns.

gunslinger - apropos nom de plume. You can help brain storm stories all you want. A fitting prologue and epilogue from a different POV to cac's.

InsideOutlaw
- If ever they would make a flashback season I nominate this story as an episode. Good fun, I was great that Heyes and Curry had to depend upon a Wheat led gain for rescue. Lom was well written as a nice mix of outlaw duty and fundamental honesty.

Alias Alice - It is bittersweet how overwhelming memories can be triggered by a mundane item or occurrence. This tugged the heartstrings and I'm glad Mrs. Barton reacted the way she did. I wanted to give Kid a big hug, he needed it.

Cornelia May - I would imagine that being on the Titanic would give someone a strong sense of the fragility of human life and manmade things in the face of mother nature. Thank God that this Titanic Story didn't have a similar ending to the movie.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Tue Jan 31, 2017 9:36 pm

Moulin P - Poor Lom!  Poor Joshua Smith, aka Hannibal Heyes!  What a predicament and no partner to cover.  At least there is amnesty, but his cover will soon be blown.  He sure has created a good life for himself and his family.  I like that part of the story.  But I have to ask, why is Curry in Boston?  Glad you came out to play with the boys, even though you were busy.  yes

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Wed Feb 01, 2017 8:27 am

Catching up with all the wonderful January challenge entries. What a strong writing month this is! It's going to be hard to choose one for voting.

Gunslinger: Welcome to the Gang! This is a nice synopsis. Although short, it carries the story. Looking forward to hearing more from you!

Inside Outlaw: I love a Devil's Hole Gang jailbreak, especially when it's organized by a semi-reluctant Lom and the always over-enthusiastic dynamiter Kyle. Even though the job went wrong, everyone got home safe, and they got the money! I love where Lom is talking to the deputy: I'm not loud, why are you whispering? And the deputy accepts it and gets on with business. The last line of this story is perfect.

Alias Alice: You hit another one out of the park. This was beautifully written and completely heartbreaking. A perfect fit for the prompt.

Cornelia May: I was wondering how Heyes got into a lifeboat, and you answered that question perfectly. Good name for the daughter, too! It sounds like you've done some research on the Titanic, and it paid off in this story. Well done.

NM131: There's a lot I liked here. It's a complete short story, but it holds out the promise of more. You could certainly expand on this by writing stories in this universe, but if you don't, this stands by itself. You also came up with a post-amnesty career choice for the boys that sounds realistic, fits their skills and abilities, and, as far as I know, has not come up in fanfic before. Kudos to you for originality. The research you did enhances the story. Finally, there are some fun moments -- my favorite is Kid describing the landscape by how easy it is to elude a posse there. Strong story, very enjoyable.

Moulin P: Good for you for coming out and playing, but of course, you know I want more. How is Heyes going to handle this? You gave us a solid cliffhanger. I appreciate the humor along the way -- Lom and his "honey-do" list, Heyes assuming that Lom wants him to take over as sheriff. More, please!

Penski: A day in the life, huh? Fire is definitely a very real danger. The farm family is realistic and sympathetically portrayed. Of course, I love the part where she delivers the baby and has to coach Heyes -- who lost the coin toss! Haven't you been with a woman? Seen animals give birth? That was a hoot. I'm glad it ended well for everyone involved.

Braveheart Sam: This is a contemplative piece, isn't it? Seeing someone so young reflecting your own experience. . . you really had me at the beginning, though, because I thought it was Heyes who was hurt. Nice to see that our boys have settled down and have a real life post-amnesty. The bit with the horse was very amusing. I think you also did a good job illustrating the stress that Heyes and Kid felt, in their new positions as leaders, both worrying about the other, and how that tension could lead to a blow-up.


Remuda: I can really hear Heyes' voice, relating this story, say, years hence. As usual, you pack a lot of emotional punch into a few words. I love the reference to the mayor's daughter. And they really play partners? Oops!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Wed Feb 01, 2017 10:58 am

FRAGILE REVIEWS

CAL - Loved your story. Yes, I have read similar and yes, it hinted at Butch & Sundances leap to the river. But, still I loved your story. A lot of times, I post favorite lines in my reviews. But, truthfully, I would be posting like crazy. Just let me say, your dialogue has been ace high! I could see Heyes fear, arrogance, and determination. I could see Kid and how frustrated/scared he was. And, Heyes just ignores him… until he too became frustrated. You had me laughing by the time Kid was screaming. So, enjoy any story that can bring an emotional reaction out and this one did, over and over. And, Kid’s, unknown to him, close death only made Heyes want to move on to a bigger game, bigger game, bigger money…shows how his brain thinks. Only money will make them safe. The logic of a small boy left alone on the Kansas prairie and sent to an orphanage. Great little piece of insight into the leader’s mind right there at the end.


EleanorW—
Oh, we can feel for Heyes, at one point or another, we have all woken up in that terrible bright light of the morning after. Uh oh, Kid wants to give up. I think you have Heyes give him an eloquent plea to hold on, to have faith. WOW… Kid’s thoughts on the afterwards of amnesty. Eleanor, that is great. I have always thought that myself, going by the history of how the Missouri Partisan Rangers were treated and I agree with Kid. That is a hard objection to overcome and one that you would think would come more from the cynic (Heyes) which shows he has more optimism than he or most of us give him credit for. Would love to see your scene of waking Kid in his shelter acted out. I can see Heyes’ wise cracking smile, especially after the worrying he had done all morning, and the way he would rib Kid. What a cool scene you created here. But, here you captured them straight from the show… great job.
“You’d never make it alone...” quipped the Kid. “Who’d back you up when your silver tongue lets you down?”
“When does my silver tongue ever let me down?” scoffed Heyes.
“Well, let me see... where shall I start? There was the time that--”
“OK, OK, maybe there has been the occasional time...”
“Occasional?” the Kid spoke over him.
They eyed each other momentarily before both bursting out laughing.


RosieAnnie—
What realism…such a little thing, but being woken by his own snoring. Great start. Good description of the evils of age and rather hard to want to imagine Kid that way. Like your description: The old wolfish grin appeared on Thaddeus’ face. Nice, smooth dialogue between Adeline and Thaddeus, interesting bringing in the Reverand from Red Rock, but boy oh boy, she is a city girl or she would know, you never ask a man that sort of question. Even in this quiet victoraian environment you have created, I can really see Kid here… A lifetime of hiding and lying served him now. His calm expression didn’t change, and his voice stayed steady and even. “It feels awful.” Really like the way he put Adalaide in her place, she seems like a snobby, looking down your nose, busy body…. “You’re awful innocent for someone your age,” he told her, his voice hardening. “If you think someone is violent, you don’t push him.” Her eyes widened, and she took an involuntary step back. Very nice future story, good characterization and everything flows beautifully.




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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Wed Feb 01, 2017 12:58 pm

Braveheart Sam – What luck that the Kid saw the man dangling from his stirrups. Liking this horse – very dedicated to his owner. Aww… loving how Jed and later Heyes talked to the unconscious man. What a bad memory and guilt Heyes has been carrying around all these years. Brisco and Comet? I googled them to see who they were. I really enjoyed reading a post-amnesty story where just about everything seems okay for Heyes and Curry. Enjoyed reading your challenge! sm

Remuda – I am enjoying this story told by Heyes. Cute how he talks about a tangent and getting back to the story. Oh, what a horrible thing to witness! I can’t imagine what the family would be going through. Yeah, I’d leave town, too. Very good challenge.
yes

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Wed Feb 01, 2017 5:45 pm

]b]MoulinP[/b] - Always good to see Lom in a story. I was with Heyes on thinking Lom was going to ask him to fill in as Sheriff. Unfortunately the chances of the ex-outlaws past coming back to haunt him is very realistic. It was so sad to think that all Heyes has worked for may be ruined by bitter revenge. Kid Curry in Boston? I can be there in just a few hours.


Penski
- You are absolutely correct, motherhood is not for the faint of heart. Loved the coin toss, where was Heyes' lucky coin? This was a deft mix of tension, humor, and the fragility and resilience of nature.

Braveheart Sam - It was clever how you framed the flashback with the current crisis. Comet the horse was a welcome comic element.

Remuda - Didn't expect the outcome of the shooting and I can see why the partners were deeply affected.You write first person well, I can hear Heyes narrate this episode in my head.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Wed Feb 01, 2017 6:27 pm

FRAGILE REVIEWS

CAC—
“Kid! Kid, how long are you going to be in there? The desk clerk’s wife brought up a dress for you. I’ll, uh, I’ll just put it right next to the door. I’m going to get some food down at the restaurant, so, uh, you’ll have all the privacy you need.” I can so see the hopping about embarrassed Heyes, give a person a real giggle. Good description of their eyes…. Steady, deep brown… had never thought of using that description. And, yes, Kid is quite direct, almost feels like he is trying to read a person’s interior motive. Love that she quit the hole once Wheat was in charge. Boy, would Wheat feel slighted. Lindsay did learn a bit from listening to Heyes, she put that Sheriff right in the hot seat and got her way.

GUNGSLINGER—
Welcome, saw right off that your name is new. Good to have you here and looking forward to reading your story.
I can see the Kid’s frown, in Heyes comment about she is trying to do the right thing. For all his cynicism, it seems to be Heyes, who helps people more than he is willing to admit. Wow… kind of a heavy line from Heyes "Kid, if we get this amnesty I want to do the right thing in my heart, and it would help repay all the damage we did to people that we stole from," Heyes said…..Nicely done. Cool use of the word fragile and a fun read.

INSIDE OUTLAW—
Psst, I can forgive you for getting long-winded, I always enjoy your tales. (Loved this one, too)
“The two men had achieved a fragile peace based on the success of the new leadership, but if Heyes showed any signs of weakness the gang would turn on him and the Kid like a pack of rabid dogs.”….really like this, the way you take the light heartedness out and show the hard side of the DHG and what it meant to lead them. “Covering this town like a wet blanket”…. Terrific visual sentence. Interesting that they are both antsy at the same time without sharing the information with one another. “Like life had slipped his control and death was snapping at his heels—their heels”…. So good, I swear you keep getting better at your visual sentences and symbolism., Really good. “Stopped short as a double-barreled shotgun jammed into his chest. Heyes collided with him.”….Oh my, talk about pulling the boys up by their short hairs. Eeek! ““Glory Hallelujah! Sometimes I’m up, sometimes I’m down. Oh yes, Lord. Sometimes I’m almost in the ground.” Curry’s voice increased in volume with each word and Heyes rattled the newspaper as loud as he could while trying to contain his mirth.” LOLOLOLOL…. I can easily visualize what you are so expertly describing. Oh boy, Lom needs money to get the escape on the way and Heyes has been plucked clean and Kid likes to spend his…..That is a good bout of dialogue you got going there. And, from this point on, your dialogue just takes off. You must have been having a blast writing it…. It is sooooo good. Oh my goodness, did Kid really give Kyle permission to use dynamite?!?!?!? …..On the underside of his desk, sometimes Heyes and Kid really do have good luck. Enjoyed having Lom along for the adventure, it was fun seeing him on their side (for real).




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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Wed Feb 01, 2017 7:06 pm

Nm131: The others have made all the important points, but I also like the play of politics here-very realistic. The gov isn’t excited about it, but he has to fall in. It’s nice to see the politics working in the boys’ favor for once!

I was also a little intrigued by your final sentences at the very end of your history section, I guess your initial brainstorming. It’s funny how one idea leads to a slightly different one, and then to another one, and then you finally end with a different one altogether with just a tenuous link to the original. Fun to see that first thought.

MoulinP: I REALLY like the aspect that this is a solo story. I don’t know what Heyes will do either. But what a picture of the problems they still have, and you’re not going to solve this one. Heyes is going to have to, and I like not knowing how. Sometimes things just aren’t wrapped up neatly.

And yes, I liked too how he thought he was going to be asked to be sheriff ☺

Penski-some WONDERFUL lines! “Been with a woman?” Ha! But I do think that’s a teeny tiny bit different than pulling down the drawers of a woman in labor! I have a friend who assisted another friend in her birth, and she was so taken with the experience that she went back to school to become a midwife. I don’t see Heyes doing that ☺ but I appreciated how moved he was by it. My friend Becky would certainly relate!

BraveheartSam- Lovely use of the frame technique. It’s so often true how current worries are often based on or intensified by past ones.

Remuda-
What marvelous lines: “It’s almost like a baptism every time: the grime gives way to clean, in body and mind, and the spirit is lightened.” And this: “Smith does the thinking, and the other fella follows along. Kid might tell it differently, though.” Uh, maybe ☺ It so captures their relationship and Heyes’ humor. I like too how you have teased out the difference between these law-breakers and the truly violent.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Thu Feb 02, 2017 10:58 am



10) Nm131


Be fair, boys. If governors didn’t keep giving you odd jobs, where would the plots come from?

Are they going to be… rangers? Swoon. Or possibly bears. Do they get to thieve picanic baskets?

O, NM – what a perfect set of jobs for our boys. I’ve always thought future HH would find a role talking folk out of their money. What an excellent basis for an amnesty offer story.



11) MoulinP

Awww Lom, you can’t bad mouth Harker, he’s lovely. Loving HH assuming he’s going to get a Sheriff offer.
So, an old enemy is coming to town. At any rate an old antagonist.
We know it works out though – because we’ve seen HH become Mayor – haven’t we??




12) Penski


Close to the wire, Penski – though not the closest.
OH!! A big tree suffering from the elements – timely.

Our boys being good Samaritans – lovely. Methinks an emergency delivery may be in the offing. Loving the coin flip even in such a situation.
Awwwwwww – very nice. And not soppy.


13) BraveheartSam


Hello Braveheart Sam. Are you new to the challenge – welcome, welcome. (If you are not new, don’t be offended – I’ve been to bed since the last couple of months)

So our reformed and ageing boys are getting all paternal with a youngster in trouble?
And he’s bringing back all kind of memories.

Awww – poor HH thinking he’s going to lose Kid, and Kid asking for quiet. Big smile.

And a cheery light-hearted ending with Wheat caught by the pant hem. Clapping here.



14) Remuda



Here she is!! Our official wire dodger.

Loving our modest HH admitting to being a genius. And the Mayor’s daughter story getting an outing.
Oh I say, what a tragic tale. That was really, really well told, Remuda.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Fri Feb 03, 2017 4:29 am

MOULINP

Enjoyed this reminder of how life is never going to be easy for the boys by the  fragility of all that Heyes has so carefully built-up. You make the reader sympathise with him.  And you also give us the unusual sight of Heyes completely at a loss, no ideas at all.  

PENSKI

The boys will always rally round for someone in an emergency.  Interesting that Heyes actually loses a coin-toss for once!  And we always believed he could turn his hand to anything - well he can!  Even delivering a baby!  
And we see the fragility of new life, and of giving birth to it.  

BRAVEHEART SAM

I really loved this picture of the relationship of the boys - I love that they are shown to care so much for each other in spite of the difficulties.  And they do understand each other really.  Very much liked the structure of the story too.

REMUDA

Not often we see the boys so completely rattled, and no wonder.  Another tale of the unpredictability and fragility of things.  The boys are not hardened criminals, but are 'shook to the core'.  Very well-told..

The voting has got even harder!


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Cal

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Fri Feb 03, 2017 5:06 am

MoulinP - love a Porterville/Lom story... is this Hardware Heyes? IT IS goody! Janet is reminding me of "Janet" from Dr Finley... got to get the scottish accent out of my head hehe... poor Lom, he's a busy man... ooops... that didn't end well. Oh I'm loving the Heyes /Lom banter... he thinks he's stepping up as sherriff!  panda  brilliant genius deflation Moulin...  Oh dear now there's a dilemma to ponder.. someone that holds a grudge and knows what he looks like.... OK i know you said you didn't have much time but that's too good a set up to waste... please write more!

Penski - oooh Fire and lightning.. that could make the boys feel fragile... but it isn't them its a lovely family.. pregnant... ooops... oh love the coin toss, I can just see their faces. Emily's quip about being in a “Fragile condition…” made me laugh...yeah right! Aw Heyes is all wonder struck (Pete would have loved this one to act... he'd have been in his element!) great challenge Penski.

BraveHeartSam - You're new to me - so HELLO and glad you jumped in sm
An older and wiser KC out for a ride on his ranch... there's a great picture for their futures. I love the way Kid talks to horses... this was just right ..."Come 'ere, Big fella." Jed said, brandishing an apple, "You're in good company. Don't go running anymore." ... I could just hear him saying that. Oh and there's Heyes' voice just right ..."Were we ever that young, Kid?" Heyes asked wistfully. ... loving this look at them ranching together. Clever the way you take us back and then we get their thoughts through their vigil of the patient.  That was great.. more from you would be very appreciated BHSam.


Remuda - Rattled
This is Heyes' voice again... just right.. calm sounding and reflective.  Love the baptism line, grime gives way to clean. Lots of lovely writing moments in this, but its not getting in the way as I pause to admire your craft. Kid and me, well, we have an arrangement when we play the same game....found that interesting... I can hear Heyes from the series asking if anyone else thinks they are playing pairs... seems inevitable really. I'm wondering who he thinks he's talking to, he's having to explain a lot and love the way he owns HH and KC but talks about TJ and JS as if they are third parties... this is cool Remuda. The evening seemed to turn on a sixpence... deteriorated quick. Clever that the trouble wasn't theirs, they just witnessed it... but that was more shocking to them.  Really good read.

Dear me.. with this many wire dodgers its hard to keep up... only joking more the merrier... what a fab crop of stories this month... wish I had 12 votes!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Fri Feb 03, 2017 10:56 am

Cal I liked that they had two very different conclusions

EleanorW Decisions made after too much drink are often regretted. The Kid needs to get away. The way Heyes finds him all curled up and covered by branches made me think that perhaps the Kid was reverting to his childhood when perhaps life had been more simple. Before losing his folks of course.

RosieAnnie  I'm enjoying the In Winter tale. It stands out as being different from anything else I've read. But can't wait - how much longer before we find out if the Kid meets Heyes again?

Wichita Red Oh! How will you get them out of this one, Red? Feb challenge is up so hopefully not too long to wait. Really enjoying this long story prompted by the challenges each month.

Cac This another unusual one. Not many writers write about Big Jim, let along him having any family. But of course entirely plausible. Liked the beginning and briefly the image of the Kid in a dress!

Gunslinger A different Lindsay with a different agenda

Inside Outlaw Lom in the DHG - 3rd unusual one this month. What's going on?!!!

Alias Alice I have one of those cups. Chipped. Doesn't match anything else now but precious all the same. Memories are fragile. Very poignant.

Cornelia May If I known Heyes and Lilly were in Europe I could have met up and said hi. What were Heyes and Lilly doing there I wonder?  Even though the ending of that trip was traumatic, I'd still like to know. Could be a story in itself - hint - hint.

NM131 This was really good. Unusual premise on which they earn their amnesty. Thanks for the info about Yellowstone. I am paying a visit there in September so I shall look out for the boys!

Penski I think it was only a matter of time before one of the boys were called upon to deliver a baby. Have to admit, like Heyes, I thought it would be the Kid. They were both shocked that the Kid had won the coin toss and so didn't have to do it. Nice little story.

Braveheart Sam  Something happens and suddenly we're transported back to another time and place. If this was your first story Braveheart then it was a good one.

Remuda I wish I could write descriptions like you do. On my list of things to do better at. Very deep Rem
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Fri Feb 03, 2017 2:22 pm

Before I begin making comments for January, I want to tell each and every one of the writers how much I appreciate the challenges and stories you post here faithfully, month after month.  thankyou  It seems that January produced a bumper crop of stories and I am overjoyed.  wow  How wonderful to see the return of some writers whose pens have been silent for a while as well as a brand new writer too.  
2017 is certain to be a fantastic year!
awsome

Cal - Interesting and exciting challenge.  In this case, that fine, fragile line between life and death comes in the form of a chasm.  I enjoyed the story and especially your colorful crafting of these lines:  
Heyes had gotten fed up of playing the monkey; he was sure he should be the organ grinder.
He untied his bed roll and flung it at the far side of the ravine to hit Heyes’, like a bizarre game of bar billiards.
bronc

EleanorW -  Nice to read a challenge from you again, EW.  It's been far too long.  Your story shows the importance of their partnership -- when one falters, the other will be there to set his feet back on the path. two thumbs  This was my favorite line:

“Look, our amnesty offer might be as fragile as your head is right now, but, your head will make a recovery... and whether we get the amnesty or not, we’ll make it too, somehow.  Trust me.”


RosieAnnie - I am really excited to see that you have written another chapter of "In Winter."  Although the aging body of Thaddeus Jones is becoming fragile, like the Christmas decorations, inside lies the fighting spirit of the former outlaw.  Do I detect a slight softening of Adelaide's armor? Great story! hs


WichitaRed -  Really enjoyed these very different lines -- This one made me chuckle: “We could stay ‘till Sunday.”  And this one sent a chill down my spine:  The words, “back off,” emerged from Curry’s throat as a deep growl.    The paragraph following that chilling line is quite haunting.  Oh!  I've just gotten to the post gunfight line...shaking in my boots now.  boot Argh!  I'm really glad I didn't read this challenge until just recently so that it won't feel so long until write the next chapter for February ...Please!


cac -  I was really confused at the first couple of lines--Kid? In a dress? I thought, but it quickly made sense.  This line rang oh so true:  And she finally ran out of breath and the fragile courage that had held her up this far. But finally talking directly to KID CURRY, well, that does a number on a girl.  And this line:  She actually giggled. “Well, he’s cuter!" Well, I suspect there are a number of Heyes-ienne gals who might disagree with Lindsay on that.  Not this Curryette, of course, but no accounting for taste, eh?  cigar Enjoyed this very much.


gunslinger -  Hi gunslinger.   hellowave First of all, two thumbs up on jumping right in with your first challenge!  I find it kind of ironic that your first challenge would be on the topic, "Fragile," since posting a story can make a person feel exactly that--Fragile.  Just like Heyes, Curry, and Lindsay.  Way to go! cool


InsideOutlaw -  So good!  Fantastic story with lots of excitement and fun lines.  Loved Lom's plan to yell REALLY LOUD about his little brother KYLE.   cowboyclap Nice touch for HH and KC to find the combination to the sheriff's safe, and wonderful closing line from the Kid!  Loved this! safe


Alias Alice - Memories, like bone china cups, are indeed fragile.  What a treasured memory for the Kid.  Nice he got to share it with Mrs. Barton.  Curry's unspoken thought in the closing lines was just perfect.   applause


Cornelia May - Ooo....the Titanic--I'm shivering already.  Such a tragedy.  When Heyes and Curry are written into history, it definitely feels more alive. Sad story, Cornelia, but nicely done.   two thumbs


nm131 - So nice to see your challenge here this month, nm.  I always enjoy them.  As I read through your story, I had to pause for a few moments to remind myself that Heyes and Curry are fictional characters, and that you had made this story up!  The entire account felt so REAL, as if you gifted all of us with a front seat to witness this bit of history in the making.   2thumbs


MoulinP - The wonderful thing about writing a challenge is, unlike a full story, it is perfectly fine to offer just a glimpse, or a scene.  In fact, sometimes that tiny piece is just what we might need to inspire a larger story. Nice challenge, Moulin!  sm


Penski - Curry wins a coin toss?  Ah! Nothing fragile about giving birth.  Heart-warming story and a great take on the prompt!   happydog


BraveheartSam - I remember Briscoe County Jr.  Interesting humor in the series.  Great line:  Stop a fight, start a rumor. The rumor would get to the sheriff, the sheriff would look through the posters... Good story, BraveheartSam.  thumbsup  Nice to see you writing.  Wait a minute - The Kid named his horse Gracie?  Very Happy  


Remuda -  I was as rattled as Heyes and Curry were when I read this challenge, Remuda.   Shocked Life is fragile, indeed.  Relationships too.  Your use of first-person in telling this tale was very effective.  Nice writing. cool

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Fri Feb 03, 2017 7:06 pm

MoulinP - I hope so much that you get the time and inspiration to continue this! I'd absolutely love to see how those two meeting turned out and the community's reaction. Really enjoyed Heyes thinking it was the sheriff job Lom was wanting to talk to him about. Can we have more pretty please? :)

Penski - I liked the concept of this story. What an uncomfortable situation the boys find themselves in. And Kid actually won a coin toss?! Heyes must've been pretty distracted by what was happening. I've never had kids, but from what I've seen of family members, a fragile woman couldn't handle it.

BraveHeartSam - Glad to see the boys being successful after getting amnesty. I liked the flashback back to when Heyes was still new being leader. I'm glad Kid overheard the story so he could relieve Heyes of that unnecessary guilt. Loved Comet and the visual of the horse and Wheat in the stable!

Remuda - The foreboding first sentence had me convinced something bad was going to happen to either HH or KC. I liked that this was told in first person perspective. So they DO play partners at the poker tables. Oh well, lots of other people did too. I liked the tangent Heyes got off on talking about how he was the thinker and genius. No wonder they were left in shock ay seeing that happen, especially between close family members. Great writing.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sat Feb 04, 2017 9:01 pm

nm131 - You're on a roll with another wonderful challenge!  LOVED the analogy with the three pigs and building walls around themselves!!  Loved how the Kid was giving, or trying to give, advice to his forlorn partner - advice he knew from experience.  I really enjoyed reading this ficlet!  two thumbs

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PostSubject: The Wall   Sun Feb 05, 2017 2:08 am

nm131 - WOW! just WOW... that was stunning. Loved every word... every line.. Loved the way it was structured... loved the way it was written with no sappiness at all yet they were both bearing their hearts. terriffic, just terrific. Not going to say more in case the reader hasn't read it yet... what are you waiting for ... you're in for a nm131 treat. applause applause applause applause applause applause
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sun Feb 05, 2017 9:15 am

NM131: What better way to work off their amnesty than in Yellowstone Park? Lucky Heyes and Curry! Funny you should post this now as I'm locating a VS story there for this season and had only ever read one other ASJ tale set there. Well, it is one of the best places on earth and so close to where are boys are located it's almost more surprising it hasn't been used more often. Loved the happy tale.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sun Feb 05, 2017 2:15 pm

MoulinP: See Heyes, there are worse things than being asked to act as sheriff. What on earth is he going to do? I'm hope you'll let us know how this goes.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sun Feb 05, 2017 2:26 pm

Penski: Your last line said it all!   I liked how simply you wrote this story yet how vivid it was as I read it.  Loved the coin toss and how Heyes lost for once (or did he really win?) Nicely done. applause

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sun Feb 05, 2017 2:41 pm

BraveheartSam: First off, congrats on posting your first story here. I liked Briscoe County Jr. and remember it fondly so it was nice to see the character revived here. You did a good job of weaving the story lines and the time lines together without losing the reader--not an easy thing to do. Good that Heyes and the Kid finally had a reason to bury that memory, too.

Remuda: What a tragedy for anyone to witness let alone two men who had their own families torn from them at an early age. Beautifully written as always!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sun Feb 05, 2017 8:52 pm

Nm131 THE WALL
BRAVO! Nice insights on our gallant men. Curry, who looks for love and is wounded so often, but takes the bruising as something which makes him better. And, ah Heyes… Heyes, who is so cynical about love. We all see it. But, maybe, you have shown us how Curry has gotten him thinking about not building those walls quite so tall, strong, and impenetrable. A quick, enjoyable read, thanks for sharing.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sun Feb 05, 2017 9:29 pm

FRAGILE Reviews

Alias Alice—
What a sad line….. oh my….. “Nowhere,” he said at last.  “I mean, I haven't got a home.”
As upsetting as the cup breaking was for Mrs. Barton. That terrible sound of the shattering glass must have rocked memories buried deep in Jed, how very terrible.
Such, a small little piece that you wrote… like a cup from a china set… but so powerful and strong. Well done… thank you for sharing.

Cornelia May—
Okay, write something that hits you right in the pit of the stomach as soon as you read the ship’s name. Eeeek!  And, I thoroughly agree, with Kid’s sentiments.  Just reading it gave me a cold, eerie feel. Which means as a writer, you achieved your goal. Good job and thanks for sharing.

Nm131—
Just love this bit of description… the way they are immediately on guard and defense in their own way…. Kid Curry’s right hand shot to rest on the butt of his ever-present Colt without conscious thought as Kid backed up a step, moving nearer the closed door, his left hand snagged the back of Heyes, coat, tugging slightly. Heyes' eyes narrowed and slid sideways.
Just tickles me the way Curry explains Yellowstone in ways that are familiar to him, that being how to escape a posse. Really like the conceptual idea of them being on the ground floor of Yellowstone. Something, they could get behind and believe in. Nice idea. Thanks for sharing.

MoulinP—
“I reckon that’s broke.” Well, you gave me a good solid laugh there. I could so very much hear Heyes’ deadpan sayin’ it. And, you DID IT! You actually got “No need to get proddy, Lom” in a story. Good JOB! Boy howdy, you have got Heyes in rare form, he is just itchin’ to taunt Lom and somehow, I can really, really see him. Ace-High on your part. Love the laugh, Lom got out Heyes thinkin’ he was being asked to be Sherif. But, you know what, I thought he was fixin’ to ask also… so Heyes wasn’t so far out of his thinkin’. Because I bet a lot of others say the same. But, what a harsh turn of events to remind him what a fragile house of cards we all build.  Well done, thanks for sharing.

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