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 Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17

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Penski
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Mon Jan 16, 2017 7:25 am

cac - Lindsay sure is one spunky gal! I could just hear her quick explanation to Kid Curry about who she was all said in one breath. By the way, good timing on the Kid's part. Cute why she gave Kid her name and not Heyes. Love her talk to the sheriff and earning herself a proper ride to CA. Good job! thumbsup

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Mon Jan 16, 2017 5:20 pm

CAC -- Interesting idea, for Big Jim to have a secret child that he kept lodged near Devil's Hole. I don't recall any story on that subject ever before, so congratulations to you for coming up with a unique premise. She's a fast-talking teen-ager that learned a lot from her father's lessons and from observing others. I would be very interested to see you expand on this, especially the reunion with Big Jim. You got me hooked!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Tue Jan 17, 2017 7:35 pm

gunslinger - Your first challenge! It's a Lindsay one, too. Is this Lindsay Santana, too? So Big Jim died? Just wondering. Don't know that I've read a story with the boys helping to return stolen goods - I like that! Oh, did that get them arrested or something else? Glad the sheriff believed her since many would not have. Good challenge, gunslinger! Glad you jumped right in. thumbsup

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Wed Jan 18, 2017 9:06 am

I'll explain a little more :)

My coffee/fragile story was the first one I wrote last fall, and I was angling it for the "ghosts" month but didn't finish it in time. So I was brainstorming with my teen daughter about how to adapt it to the "fragile" topic, and she came up with the idea of the boys returning some stolen items and how that made everyone vulnerable (for different reasons) all around. She loved the idea of the young teen having the gang connection, but she had a really different angle. I thought her idea was neat but didn't want to change mine that much, so she decided to just write it herself! I love that!

So, no, Lindsay is just Lindsay, not connected to Big Jim. The overall framework is similar, but the development took different directions in our stories.

I also thought philosophically that since this is a fanfic site, how interesting also to have not only different takes on "fragile" (from all the writers here) but in our case as mother/daughter bouncing off the much more narrow idea of teen girl/daughter of an outlaw/helping and also benefitting from HH/KC, that playing with that more narrow "text" is pretty fun.
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PostSubject: Fragile   Wed Jan 18, 2017 12:00 pm

Gunslinger - Hello, great name choice... a teen gunslinger writing about a sassy teen meeting the boys.... bring it on!  Thanks to Cac for the heads up that this is a different thread to her own fragile this month.

I like the hook... she owes where she is?  lets hope that's a good place then.  

Liking the flashback... good set up.. returning stolen goods and Heyes arguing to help the needy, not Kid.... nice change... I think Kid is right about it putting them all in a fragile position... but I like Heyes' idea of doing something from the heart.

I like the jump to present without a full explanation.... they got caught doing something... Wonder if that was related to helping the teen... I don't think so... I think she's come across them again and is just stepping in to help. From what the sheriff is saying, I'm guessing he's kind of looking the other way... perhaps he's got to know the reformed Smith and Jones a bit and likes them.  He's still asking her to leave town though... perhaps she dressed up a bit to look older....

Kid is being very honest... "I did not want to help you." .. I like the way she reminds him he put himself at risk to help her.
 
Good job...  thumbsup and well done applause  for jumping right in...took me months to pluck up the courage to post.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Fri Jan 20, 2017 7:41 am

Cac: Great idea for a story. It makes sense that a lonely outlaw might look no further for companionship than his own backyard. Plausible, too, that he could have a family as a result. Lindsay is obviously strong and self-assured due to her parentage and not afraid to jump in to help our heroes. I love how she manages to finagle her train ride. Are you sure she's not Heyes' daughter?

Gunslinger: It's good to meet you and kudos on jumping right in and entertaining us! At first I thought this was a continuation of your mom's story, but I soon realized you were giving us a different take and a different Lindsay even though she's till spunky and still willing to lend a hand. Nice job on your first story. I liked how succinctly you gave us the backstory, the present day set up and the resolution. Well done. Can I look forward to seeing more from you?

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Fri Jan 20, 2017 4:55 pm

Gunslinger - Good to see you jump right in! I liked that it was Heyes who wanted to do the good deed this time. Lindsay is a spunky gal. I'd have liked to have read about them returning those items and see what mischief became of it. Hope to see more from you!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Mon Jan 23, 2017 12:42 pm

Inside Outlaw - Laughing “I mean what good would that do us?”  Did Heyes and Curry tell you that story while visiting?  It's a great one and I loved seeing an honest outlaw.  I can see Wheat being upset at having to rescue the leaders and then just holding on to the horses.  Great challenge!  two thumbs

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Mon Jan 23, 2017 4:52 pm

Seeing more of Lindsay...I'm more interested in interactions with Heyes and Kid, not Big Jim or Soapy, but maybe I could get them all together. Or she comes back. Hmmm. I like her too.

IO re my story: Nope, not Heyes' daughter! This was a remnant when I was thinking more about the "ghost" symbolism, how both Kid and Heyes taught her their skills when she would eavesdrop on them. So we see her draw on Kid and use the silver tongue on the sheriff. She sort of inherits from them both, ghosts from her childhood past :) I of course love the idea of a child of Kid or Heyes, but it's been done often enough that I feel like I'd need a really different take on it to be satisfying, like "Torch" by sistergrace was, for example.

IO re your story:
I like how you set up the time of the story through Heyes’ thinking as he’s facing the safe. Now that I've started writing stories, I think about these things!

Great segue from the slow pace of worry and a bad feeling to the sudden realization and all the action immediately starting.

Ha! Money problems!! Isn’t that the truth though, what minor things trip us up in our grand scheming?

WHAT a fun scene with Lom’s hard-of-hearing!

And WHAT a great last paragraph! Love it!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Mon Jan 23, 2017 8:00 pm

InsideOutlaw - Love your outlaw days stories. This must've been when the boys started trusting their gut feelings when they occurred. Liked having Lom in the gang this time. I laughed at the part where Lom doesn't want to steal horses, but Heyes says, "They're OUR horses!" That honest streak finally gets the best of him as we all know. Loved the ending. It was perfect.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Mon Jan 23, 2017 9:28 pm

Who wrote that story where Caroline Porter is writing the letters to her parents about Lom courting her and then getting married? I can totally see her marrying this Lom in IO's story.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Mon Jan 23, 2017 9:44 pm

RosieAnnie wrote the letters from Carolyn to her mom about courting Lom. You can find it in the April 100 extra challenges - it's the 3rd one down.

I can see Lom and Carolyn Porter together, too! sm

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Wed Jan 25, 2017 7:54 pm

Alias Alice - A very bittersweet and poignant story. Made me want to just reach into the story and hug Thaddeus. Memories, as well as items, can be very fragile. Just a one second event can trigger years of grief all at once. Well written. :)

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Wed Jan 25, 2017 8:39 pm

Alias Alice: The whole story had a delicate, tender feel to it, since they were both discussing those vulnerable things. Love the play of "fragile," both the physical and the emotional. Very apt how Heyes both understood and missed it at the end. Nicely, nicely done.

I like too how while sad at the end, I really don't feel the sadness because it was more about the memory, at least for me the reader (although not Kid). I feel less the devastation than the shared magic of the connection moments since those are so rare for him. I love her willingness to share and then forgive so quickly, I guess which focuses on that connection for me too.

My vote in this month's poll is going to be hard! So many excellent stories!!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Thu Jan 26, 2017 9:32 am

Alias Alice:  What a lovely, thoughtful story.  It was sad that Mrs. Barton lost a prized possession but I  respect her for recognizing that a material object was far less important than the feelings of the fragile man before her.  Heyes tried to put it into perspective, but Thaddeus understood what they'd lost wasn't just a cup it was their treasured memories.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Thu Jan 26, 2017 12:47 pm

Alias Alice – Oh, a fragile cup put away to be looked at and the Kid did look at it. Love how it brought back memories of his mother. That was sweet of Mrs Barton to let Thaddeus use it and how she made light of it when the accident happened. Although Heyes seemed to understand, it doesn’t appear he did with his comment, “After all, when all's said and done, it was only a cup.” A sad little tale. Sad

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Fri Jan 27, 2017 3:41 am

I agree with Cac that it will be very difficult to know who to vote for this month!  Even harder than usual!

CAL
What a tense, exciting, heart-in-mouth situation.  Compelling reading. In spite of this desperate situation, you made us aware of how responsible Heyes always feels for Kid.  And how Kid will follow him to hell and back! (He nearly has to do just that in this story!)  Once again, Kid is shown as the more 'fragile' one.  Very, very enjoyable.

ROSIE ANNIE
I thought this was a very nice picture of the Kid in later life.  He has mellowed into a really lovable old father and granddad.  He views his past from the vantage point of 50 years on.  (It was strange to see the references to Prohibition and the cinema!)  I enjoyed this story of his family life.

CAC
I so enjoyed this very original story with its surprise beginning that the 'Kid' mentioned is a girl!  And she draws on the fastest gun in the West!  Then there is the puzzle of what a 14 year old girl is doing in Heyes's bedroom ????
And interesting how Kid, (our Kid that is), doesn't want to see her drawn into life with a gun, as he was.  Good story.

GUNSLINGER
Glad you wrote your own version of this challenge.  I can see how this was too good an idea to waste!  Lovely to see how the boys were rewarded for doing the right thing.  (Although initially Kid didn't want to.  It's not always easy to do the right thing).

ELEANOR W
Two conversations between the boys - one with Kid voicing his doubts and then next day - back to normal - good sense and support between them both, shown in their usual bantering way.  Both conversations seeming very realistic and typical of them.  Loved the picture of Curry asleep amongst the leaves in the wood!

WITCHITA RED
This story is as striking and vivid as your writing always is.  Grabs the reader's attention immediately, and keeps it right up to the horrifying end. Certainly brings home to us the constant vulnerability of the boys.  ('Fragile').  They are never safe.
I loved "There are times, Heyes, I feel like flattening you for no other reason than it would feel good".  I also like the picture of the Kid's unfailing good manners- touching his hat to the old and battered good-time girl.  Just exactly what Kid WOULD do.

INSIDE OUTLAW
I really loved this rescue plot worked out by Lom and the gang! I loved the way it all somehow came together!  I loved the humour of it!  They even came out of it all with a good haul of cash.  - (Another joke in that the sheriff left the safe's code handy).  More, please!

Who on earth can I vote for?!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sat Jan 28, 2017 1:59 pm

Cornelia May - What an interesting take on Fragile! Imagine one of our boys on that fateful and fragile ship. I can imagine Heyes would have felt guilt surviving when so many did not. No, he would never be able to forget that night nor the screams. Very well written!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sat Jan 28, 2017 2:16 pm

CORNELIA MAY

Very unusual and original take on the 'Fragile' theme - the apparently invincible, actually fragile ship, - and, of course, the fragile health of Heyes's wife. Very different.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sat Jan 28, 2017 4:23 pm

Cornelia May - A very different take on the 'fragile' prompt. Yours is the first ASJ story I've read that took place in/on that location. I've been to a science center before that had a fountain of water that was the exact temperature of the Atlantic that night and I couldn't leave my hand in there for more than 15-20 seconds. I can't imagine being submersed in that water for any length of time. Good thing Heyes remembered to take that particular paper with him or he may have found out. I enjoyed this :)

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sat Jan 28, 2017 4:41 pm

Cornelia May:What a clever use of the prompt. As Alias Alice noted, it applies in so many ways. The fragility of life itself. All is well one moment, and the next...Glad to see they both survived such a horrible tragedy.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sat Jan 28, 2017 6:39 pm

I like layers in stories, and like the other posters, I liked that here with the fragility of Lily as well as the Titanic. And I thought your reason for Heyes to get on the boat was justified-it would have been difficult to come up with much that would satisfy that, but it did. Very creative!

As for other ASJ/Titanic stories, Drena Hills wrote one: http://www.derbysulzers.com/UNSINKABLE.htm
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Sun Jan 29, 2017 7:49 am



1) Cal

Is anybody else mentally picturing the two horses having a conversation of their own.
‘I ain’t jumpin’ – you jumpin’?’
‘Nah – I ain’t jumpin’.’
Pause
‘Might toss him over… reckon he’d make it?’

So… the reward is $2000 – quite a way back.

Loving Kid railing ‘is that the best you can come up with?’ at Heyes.

Ooooh – so Heyes is planning to leave Kid for the famous canon break, but for Kid saving motives. Nice glancing reference there, Cal.


2) EleanorW

Poor old Heyes, those extra drinks always seem a good idea at the time, huh?

So, there was a sleeping Kid Curry under a set of Christmas trees?? If only the Kidettes had known.

Awww, they bolster each other up to face another year of waiting and hoping. Nice short, Eleanor. Ooooh – and fetch the Kid a nice runny egg.


3) RosieAnnie

Oh, a seventy year old Kid. Going through his memories and regrets.

Sign, Rosie. Christmas does seem a way back, by this time in January.

Awwww, Spencer wrote about his inspiration by the Kid. Awww.



4) WichitaRed

So, we’re in Wichita (your namesake town) – are we waiting for something real bad to happen?

Still thinking about those Dove races … tut, tut, boys.

Oooh, I’m a bit confused? So … Billy’s bullet went astray and hit Heyes? Is that it? What a cliffhanger place to leave it, Wichita. Pom pom pom …



5) cac

So Lindsay is a Kidette – thinking the blond side cuter?

Big Jim’s daughter? Interesting. And sharp witted as you’d expect in helping Heyes out of a tricky Sherriff situation. Are we going to see more of her, Cac?



6) Gunslinger


Hello!! A younger newbie keeping it in the family. Welcome to the challenge.

Oh, so Lindsay is wanting to make some kind of amends for her father’s life of crime. Also interesting.
And the boys help as it feels like a different take on their own ‘playing it straight’


7) InsideOutlaw

It is our bandanny wearer!!! Has that yellow scarf kept you cosy in January, Inside?

Well, we kinda know Heyes and Kid do get out of the trap somehow…but how?
Is Wheat going to come up trumps? Loving Kyle’s faith in his friend.

Also loving Kid annoying the Deputy with the traditional off key singing.

Really liking the ethical conundrum of stealing your own horses. Poor Lom.

Oh, Lom – you are clever! Shouting because you are HARD of HEARING…

And they got the money after all. This is a real feel good story, Inside.
And a wonderful Lom-centric last line. Clapping hard



8) Alias Alice

Oh, I say, Alice – my lip wobbled for a moment then. Warm applause.





9) Cornelia May


The Titanic? They’ll be fine. That sounds a really robust, well-engineering shi… What? Oh.

So Heyes witnessed that famous sinking … A night to remember. Interesting.


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PostSubject: Fragile   Sun Jan 29, 2017 9:30 am

Inside Outlaw  ... Opening an empty safe... “It’s a trap!” ...great beginning. Strange how they'd both felt it. And Lom on the wrong side of a jail break ... with a concience... this is a joy.  It’ll be a good one, too,” said Kyle, ... awwww bless him. Won't say any more about the story and spoil it... only that it was a great read and very entertaining... loved it.lol2  

Alias Alice - I can relate to loving bone china tea cups ... and I can see such a fragile object being treasured... esp. the last one.  Such a domestic simple thing could easily trigger a powerful memory ... what a fab idea. She was surprised that Thaddeus did not answer immediately.  So was he. Those last three words ... thats when we see that Kid is fragile on this subject ... perfect. “They do,” said the Kid.  He didn't add: “That's the whole point.” awww. heartbreaking.. nice tale applause

Nelia .... Titanic????scared That's April 1912 ... OK I'm braced.... A frail wife and a trip to Europe ... lets hope they had a fine old time because...Oh dear ...TOP HATS!.. what every survivor is wearing in the North Atlantic this season... Is it true that men with fragile wives could board... I'm assuming they would be travelling first class.. so not at all surprised they didn't die with the steerage passengers... but... feels weird some how...  "She too was fragile in her last moments..." ... You can say that again Heyes, we all saw the film... poor Leo.  Very interesting take on the prompt. applause
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments 8th October 16 to....2nd Sept 17   Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:01 pm

nm131 - Dang that's a great challenge! I so love being entertained by two cute former outlaw as I learn my history lesson. What excellent jobs for each of them! I'm so glad you're back to writing a little here and there. applause

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