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 Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016

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Penski
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Fri Jan 15, 2016 4:02 pm

Sister Grace - It's the month for folks to join in on the fun - missed your writing, Grace! (waiting for Frankie to write a Storm challenge now) Loved the descriptive writing; all my sensories were at work making me feel as if I was walking with those two wayward youths. Boy, did this Heyes plan go wrong. LOVED the last few lines!! No more long hiatus from writing again, okay?

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PostSubject: Hello and Wow!   Sun Jan 17, 2016 2:54 am

:wow:I been reading.....and reading ....and reading reading
You guys are fantastic. Some of you are a little wierd...how can you shoot them, throw them in rivers? you know who you are.

I haven't got the stomach for angst yet...but I'm sure glad you lot have...you carry on with the fine work...please don't leave me hanging on this clifftop too long...nerves won't take it, and I'll provide a bit of popcorn munching adventure to calm the nerves. a bit of humour too where I can shoe it in.

Thanks for the welcome...feel like I've found my tribe!

Cal 

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PostSubject: feedback   Sun Jan 17, 2016 3:41 pm

Thanks for all the feedback and exclamations gang. Glad to be back writing. And, Cal welcome...oh yes, I know who I am.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Sun Jan 24, 2016 3:21 pm

Moulin P – Yep, the boys aren’t getting any younger and certain outlaw activities are some of the reasons they got out of the business.  That gal sure is on the bossy side and wanting to know information about them but not willing to talk herself. Surprised the boys didn’t just repeat what she told them - “That’s my business,” she said, haughtily.  Very curious to see where this story is going.  Kat’s not making a good first impression.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Mon Jan 25, 2016 1:15 pm

MoulinP - The account of the boys jumping onto a moving train was is very detailed, making it very exciting and easy to envision. I am wondering what the story is behind Kat. I think HH and KC should be very careful around her! study

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Mon Feb 01, 2016 9:53 am


1) WichitaRed


Ooooh, lovely writing as the horse dances and slips in the mud. No! A horse got shot. Gosh, now Kid’s been shot. Genuinely lifeless?? Or are we heading for a plucky survival following some H&C.
And we finish on a cliff hanger!! How you like to torture the gals. Wichita.
Very pacey chase and shoot out scene there.



2) Cal

Welcome to the challenge Cal! Waves cheerily.
Does Kid know he is not allowed to flirt with gingham clad lovelies? He’s only allowed to flirt with registered and official Kidettes.
Now, Cal – are you slipping in a sly joke with our two boys wondering about staying in the closet?
Loving HH expanding thoroughly on the Mayor’s daughter story.
Kyle! We love Kyle. Is he guilty or just dang unlucky?
Clever plan! Hide the safe and remove from town after all the fuss dies down. Oh, bless – I like Kid allowing himself to be held hostage at scalp point.
Awwww – smiling hard at the “be very careful who shaves you!” line.
What a lot of fun that was, Cal.


3) Sister Grace

SOOOO – they never meant to permanently run away from Valparaiso. Events kinda overtook them. Interesting! Loving the two tag lines, Sister G.


4) MoulinP

Ho ho – appreciating the Marshall Arts gag.
Verrrrrry nice set up Moulin P. What could our episode heroine be wanting from our boys. Something troublesome for which they fail to get paid, no doubt.




5) Penski

Spotted again! Classic story start. Beam.
I was rather hoping that – like the Aborigine in Crocodile Dundee – our Navaho would prove to be rubbish at tracking and walk smack into a tree. But this is good too.
Aha – so the storm recues them. Nice.



6) Remuda

OH … this must be our favourite villain, the smiler with a nice new bar to swagger in. Clever. Oh, Danny – we know something you don’t know.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Mon Feb 01, 2016 12:55 pm

Remuda - Very descriptive writing! I guessed who it was right away. What a slime!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Mon Feb 01, 2016 3:42 pm

Witchita Red: Your descriptions really brought the action to life and pulled me into the story, so much so that I was surprised when it ended in a cliffhanger! Lucky for me, I know you've posted more.

Cal: Welcome to the challenge and kudos for plunging right in. Things start off well for our heroes but quickly go wrong. I love the whole 'closet' scene and Heyes' quick thinking. Smart of him not to explain that one to the Kid. Wong is an interesting and crafty addition to the gang. I love the hiding in plain sight and Kyle's observations about it. Looking forward to more from you.

Sistergrace: The bickering at the beginning was classic Heyes and Curry and led me to believe this was an outlaw tale, but you threw in a twist. Nice ending or should I say start?

MoulinP: Great opening scene! Lots of fun moments in this one, too, but I don't want to enumerate them and give anything away. Let's just say, I had lots of LOLs! I'm intrigued to see the next part.

Penski: Nice take on the prompt. Thank goodness those storm clouds arrived when they did!

Rem: Smug Danny has no idea that the storm is brewing. Lots of great descriptive writing in this one.


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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Tue Feb 02, 2016 8:55 am

Wichita Red: Wow, you sure know how to crank up the tension! I'm glad there's more to this story, because this is one heck of a cliffhangar.

Cal: Terrific story! I loved the new gang members and how clever they were. Looking forward to more contributions from you!

Sister Grace: The boys never change, do they? It was still a good plan, even if they ended up in jail and without any money? The pattern for their lives was set early.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Tue Feb 02, 2016 9:10 am

Moulin P: High drama and heart-pounding action (jumping the train) to humor (Martial arts?) to quick thinking (remember Storm Clouds) and a bit of a cliffhanger. You definitely drew me into this story. Can't wait to find out what happens next!

Penski: Looks like the god of the hunt favored the outlaws this time. I hope the tracker gets his horse!

Remuda: A little overconfidence goes a long way, doesn't it? Nice insight into a real bad man's mind.

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PostSubject: Cal   Thu Feb 04, 2016 12:38 pm

Storm clouds by Cal
I like very much the café seen, but you have been acting like guys. For example, the way Heyes watches the waitress and kid catches him.

Thank you for sharing, your tail was different from many others I have read. I enjoyed the twist with the Oriental and the Indian explaining how you can hide in plain sight. And even Kyle telling kid, you too will just never be able to hide. Overall just really enjoyable well put together

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PostSubject: Sister grace   Thu Feb 04, 2016 12:44 pm

Storm clouds by Sister Grace

I love this mine from kid, it seems to sum up a lot of different situations....A little spit ‘n’ polish ain’t gonna fix things this time!”
It was a short tale but well written. You had their voices down good. Loved the overlapping lines regarding the train going their way as being ones used in an episode. And your final line was absolutely perfect

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PostSubject: MoulinP   Thu Feb 04, 2016 2:13 pm

MoulinP storm clouds

OK, you had me holding my breath as Heyes struggled to get on that train. Good job

Poor Heyes, realizing his age and feeling it all at the same time. Each of us can relate to that so clearly.

I could see the action and the Voices matched the characters wonderfully. I particularly enjoyed Heyes going to sleep and then raising his hat to look at kid who went on talking to the lady despite his partners body language. It was a great example of describing the characters perfectly. I am curious about your female lead she seems quite interesting

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PostSubject: Penski   Thu Feb 04, 2016 2:42 pm

Penski storm clouds
It is fun reading the tracking for the posses side for once

At the same time, I can already hear Hannibal Heyes grousing about an Apache before you even write it.

Love your use of the storm to rescue our weary boys

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Fri Feb 05, 2016 8:41 am

Penski - This was a fun, fast-paced challenge, that flipped easily from one scene to the other while we watch the events unfold. I giggled at the sheriff's title and name, which sort of went together -- Sheriff Marshall. Almost like having a pastor named, Reverend Priest. Those two reforming outlaws are pretty smart. Loved the last line, and KC's smile. Very Happy


Remuda - I enjoyed your very poetic style of writing in this piece. Clever idea and well executed. My favorite line:
The assemblage parted like the Red Sea, but no Moses he.
Clapping loudly! applause

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Sat Feb 06, 2016 7:11 am

WitchitaRed
Ooh! I need to read more and will.
Brilliantly told - hooked me right away.

Cal
Is this your first post? Excellent story and well told. Well done.

Sistergrace
A little explanation of how and why the boys left Valpariso. Well told.

Penski
Is there more? Is the Navaho part of a Hannibal Heyes plan? So many questions. Great story.

Remuda
At first I thought this was the Kid. But no ... it was him! Confident as ever that there would be no pursuit. How wrong could he be? Captured the essence of the man perfectly. Well done
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PostSubject: Remuda    Sat Feb 06, 2016 3:32 pm

Remuda storm clouds

As I read it and realized you're speaking of Danny, that twist in my gut I always get when he is brought up happened. You describe the sly snake so well but reminded me exactly why I dislike him so much. So in that event well done

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Sat Feb 06, 2016 3:57 pm

Rosie Annie Rosie Annie present company I really enjoyed your little Christmas surprise for Lom. I wasn't sure where you were going I kept waiting for the boys to arrive and you brought them in perfectly. The descriptions of winter brought the chili feeling and the warmth of your story pulled it all together

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PostSubject: Present company    Sun Feb 07, 2016 4:11 pm

Ghirlandaio Emmys. Present company

Short but sweet. I like the image of them together and even as dismal as the images that they can still make each other smile

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PostSubject: Present company by inside outlaw    Sun Feb 07, 2016 4:22 pm

Inside outlaw. Present company
Just want you to know, I only now read that you started your December story with tell me again… From Kid. Just as I, started my January story extremely similar. Funny how minds can think alike

The idea of punching holes in that ice and dealing with the dead body is quite honestly gruesome, shows his strength and I suppose my weakness, and your greatness as a writer

Did Heyes ride with the corpse? Eeeeeewwww

Omg you had Kyle use him as a hostage that is just awesome

Fun read I enjoyed it immensely

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Sun Feb 07, 2016 5:28 pm

Wichita Red - Wow!  The action and tension are ratcheted to a high level in this piece.  Great descriptive writing about Heyes' horse in the mud.  I was holding my breath.  And then Kid goes into the river.  A brown and white-capped river.  So you shot him and then tossed him into whitewater at flood stage.  Heartless of you, but you had my pulse pounding.  Wonderful writing.

Cal - Welcome to the challenge. Loved the way the Indian and the Asian just blend in and aren't noticed.  Yes, Kyle is right, Heyes and Curry will never just blend in and go unremarked.  Enjoyed reading this tale.  It was loads of fun.

Sister Grace
- I like this idea for how they left Valparaiso.  Great dialogue.  Nice foreshadowing of their futures with the storm.  Wonderful writing throughout.  Loved it!

Moulin P - Interesting start to the story.  I'm sorry that Heyes and Kid are starting to feel their ages when they have barely topped 30.  I am, of course, wondering about the horse and the lady's interest. It will be fun to read the rest of this piece.

Penski - Nice story.  I rather like the Navajo tracker.  The name of the sheriff made me laugh.  Curry's smile at the end was just the right touch.

Remuda
- This peek inside the twisted mind of a villain is creepy.  He certainly shows no remorse, even laughing at the memories of how he planned the murder of three people he had worked alongside for months.  This one made me shudder and my flesh crawl.  Well written, but disturbing.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Mon Feb 08, 2016 8:10 am

Cal: I enjoyed this very much. The idea of Heyes and Curry operating together but separately works very well. Flat Nose is an interesting character, too. I'm looking forward to seeing the finished product.

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PostSubject: Fair Days Pay   Fri Feb 19, 2016 1:47 am

Wichita Red....Under Brilliant Skies

Spoiler alert.....don't read till you've read it.  Love the way you include Mack as one of your characters. What a picture you paint...I feel like I've been droving those cattle all day. Yeah they always grumped about working with cows.  $50 don't seem a lot for all that effort...for months ...does it....in fact don't seem like fair pay.....AAAAh.  Wow...fab writing as the storm hits, building up the tension, I can see this all happening...What! You pulled a Bobby Ewing.  Nooooo...you can't leave Heyes out there...Oh good one....very exciting....enjoyed that.
scared


Alias Alice

Oh you gotta love a "I been thinkin'" start...really sets the boys up for a heart to heart.  Kid is being soooo Kid....but its the things Heyes isn't saying...and how you tell us exactly what they are that I like the best.
Hahahahaha....Brilliant tag line...loved it.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Fri Feb 19, 2016 1:22 pm

Wichita Red – Reading your May challenge, Blood in the Sun, was like watching a violent Western. That gang was brutal and I bet that’s one of the reasons the boys didn’t allow the Devil’s Hole Gang to resort to violence or hurting the passengers. Wow… just wow. Shocked

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Fri Feb 19, 2016 1:23 pm

Cal – Sounds like Heyes was a tad bit too self-confident and not cautious of who he was playing poker with. I’m kinda liking Flat-Nose Walters. Seems that Heyes figured out his opponents too late. Well, that’s quite the Hannibal Heyes plan! Curious to see where this story goes. sm

Wichita Red – Gosh I can practically sneeze from the dust Curry is brushing away – good descriptive writing. Love how the boys interact with each other. Dang, cattle drives are dangerous! Love the twist at the end. thumbsup

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