Alias Smith and Jones Writers A forum devoted to writers of Alias Smith and Jones Fan Fiction |
| | Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016 | |
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+21stormr Kid4ever FrankieASJ nm131 HannaHeyes cac Calico sistergrace InsideOutlaw MoulinP Cal Alias Alice Penski Maz RosieAnnie WichitaRed Ghislaine Emrys ChristinaASJ skykomish ty pender Remuda 25 posters | |
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WichitaRed Moderator
Posts : 522 Join date : 2012-12-07 Location : Wichita
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016 Sat Sep 10, 2016 7:36 pm | |
| Alias Alice: False Start Cute lil’ tale, enjoyed your descriptions of the dog looking up that was a great visual. Yup, early proof of why Jed, raises his eyebrow and Hannibal Heyes Plans.
Cal: Let the Games Begin I was a bit confused because it was taken from the middle of a story. But, I really, really liked it. I am going to need to go find “a long road back” sometime and read all of it. The visual word sentences you created were fabulous. I read this twice, just to enjoy all the visuals you created. Oddly, rather than death, in my view I saw it was Danny Bilson sitting across from him. Not sure why, maybe because, I always saw this character as his arch nemesis and terribly evil. So, who else would be there for Heyes to play against… but of course, it was death and so well written. Thanks for sharing.
Little Bluestem: Let the Games Begin A dance hall veteran at a ripe old age of 22… how great. :0) Really enjoyed all the chat the seasoned veterans were having about the way the game was played. Oh, and here come our boys… and they are gorgeous and a big agreeing sigh from me. Such admiring, knowing descriptions of the gents we all know so well. Yes, let the games begin. Cheeky and fun, thanks for the ride along.
Inside Outlaw: Let the Games Begin First off Outlaw, I always adore your horse descriptions. I know you take ‘em from personal life and you so hit them on the mark. Well done! Great description of Heyes’ appearance, enjoyed it. So, like Heyes to be ribbing Kid, when Kid is actually working. Love it. I also like that it is Heyes, who is complaining about eating… a nice change from what we regularly read. Undulating waves of smoke… what a great description. You didn’t really go into a Monty Python skit… oh my, but how fun. “my aches are achin’” I have been there what a great phrase. LOL…”you’ll be a big hit in the prison yard.” LOL OOOOOOoooh, how terrible of the boys, to leave their horses hitched all night after they got them free. Tsk Tsk. I need to learn to describe towns and rooms like you do, you are so good at it. You have the tension building, this so very good, very much enjoying the missing people and Kid searching. “You could have been struck by lightening.” LOL… I was thinking the same. This was a really fun tale, it jumped all over and kept you guessing. Thanks for everything.
Moulin P: Let the Games Begin Love the beginning… it is fun. You can easily see it all. Cute line…”are, they are children? D’ya drug ‘em?” This must be from a story you are working or have published previously, as I do not recognize the characters. But, it is quite charming and I have been enjoying it immensely. Great reverse psychology that Heyes uses on his son. Truly enjoyed the conversation between them. I have never envisioned, either or the boys as married, but I so enjoy the playful conversation between Heyes and Mary. Actually, Mary is quite the woman, being able to control Heyes….”stop scowling”. Has anyone told you how great your body movement descriptions are… well, they are grand.
_________________ Wichita Red, "I'm not really a rebel, but I take chances. I have a good time, and I live life the way I want to live it."
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| | | WichitaRed Moderator
Posts : 522 Join date : 2012-12-07 Location : Wichita
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016 Sun Sep 11, 2016 9:37 am | |
| Cal: Let the Games Begin: from Devine Depression Dousing…? Interesting, I know a douser and it does not work for everyone as Heyes is obviously finding out. And, Kid is right, my friend Vince told me the same thing, you have to clear your mind. I knew right when he said that I would be no good at it. Great line: Kid looks really insulted. “You gonna find out real soon what you’re thinking when I fast draw, ‘less you take that back.” “Years and years of practice …at not thinkin” Sounds like Heyes is working at getting’ himself flattened. Not a game Heyes was good at, but luckily he found a fill in. it was a fun read, thanks for sharing. _________________ Wichita Red, "I'm not really a rebel, but I take chances. I have a good time, and I live life the way I want to live it."
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| | | Cornelia May
Posts : 78 Join date : 2013-01-10 Age : 28 Location : Gettysburg, PA
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016 Sun Sep 11, 2016 9:59 am | |
| Cal- comical scenario for Heyes trying to use divining (or dousing) rods. For a moment I thought they were doing some paranormal investigating, but after reading a little further I realize they were looking for water. Nice piece, would love to read the rest some time. _________________ "The only thing in life you have to earn is love, everything else you can steal." ~Hannibal Heyes
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| | | WichitaRed Moderator
Posts : 522 Join date : 2012-12-07 Location : Wichita
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016 Sun Sep 11, 2016 10:32 am | |
| Hannah Heyes: Let the Games Begin from Thrown for a Loop Question: I do not understand the correlation of these two lines… “ I can't help that I'm six foot three. My cat just killed a mouse.” And, Heyes in description is almost as good as seeing the real thing, “He had dark hair pushed up in under a black hat, brown eyes that looked like they just oozed mischief, and when he came over to the desk and smiled at me, my knees went weak. He had the cutest dimples! He said his name was Joshua Smith.” My goodness, she does pursue her man… WOW! The image of this woman struggling with Heyes and him trying to escape, is just too hilarious. OMG….” But then, the sheriff asked me the strangest question. He asked me what did I do to the poor boy.” LOL!
Penski: Let the Games Begin How sad… you elaborate so well, how sad, their day-to-day life can be. Always on guard, always edgy, and never truly able to relax. I do like all the childhood game references when really this is an intense game that could lead to death, it is a good juxtaposition. Man that is ballsy, leaving Heyes out in the open for bait. Shows the trust they have in each other. Like the visual image of “Heyes opened one eye and then another before smiling.”
Remuda: Let the Games Begin Interesting job they had there. I could picture how frustrated they were. Great use of dialogue.
Hannah Heyes: Sour Grapes Uh OH, a doozy of a hangover and no Heyes, terrible way for Kid to start the day. Ooooh it is a terrible day, "You mind talkin' a little softer? My head's about to bust." LOL…. Not sure why, but I do believe it would be completely amusing to see this whole drunk hotel scene you have create for Heyes. I mean I can see it some… but to have seen Pete do it, would have been pure magic. One of the best truth statements I have read regarding Hannibal Heys in sometime….. "This is just a big misunderstanding," Heyes said, trying his best to look innocent.
"You're not innocent of anything. Probably haven't been in your whole life," Judge Carter growled.
Heyes bit back a smile at the most true statement.”… totally a fun read, had me smiling most of the way through. Thanks for sharing.
_________________ Wichita Red, "I'm not really a rebel, but I take chances. I have a good time, and I live life the way I want to live it."
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| | | HannaHeyes
Posts : 601 Join date : 2012-04-22 Age : 48 Location : The Hideout
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016 Sun Sep 11, 2016 8:47 pm | |
| WichitaRed - In response to your question above, there's no correlation supposed to be between these two lines:
“ I can't help that I'm six foot three. My cat just killed a mouse.”
That was just an attempt to show how flighty and random Judy could be. Since the story was written as a diary entry, I just pictured Judy sitting in her bed writing when she notices her cat kill a mouse, so she wrote it down. Sorry for the confusion.
The randomness was inspired by my aunt that changes subjects mid-sentence sometimes with no warning whatsoever and confuses the heck out of me. _________________ Come to the dark side.....we have cookies... | |
| | | Cal
Posts : 252 Join date : 2016-01-06 Age : 65 Location : Wales UK
| Subject: False Start Mon Sep 12, 2016 2:50 am | |
| Witchita Red - Love the way you build the tension in this one. The action would read, Kid walks to chair, sits, stands up. ....but we know every nuance of that room and the people in it...fabulous....The words yanking the heads of every tainted soul in the room to him and silence fell upon the crowd, ...add me to that list, you got my attention too. I'm getting an older pair of ex-outlaws....post amnesty?...the Doc Holiday portrayal from the series, that sort of age... Of all the aftereffects, from their misspent youth, that he regretted most and loathed reliving, were these repeated attempts by various gunslingers, to start his cousin on the road to see their families, without him....yeah Heyes is really worried, got me worried now... I am so tired of the big dog, little dog game....oh...is Kid going to back down?....aw this is sad...hope not.
Alias Alice - Oh kids! this'll cheer me up...Han would have seemed much older than Kid then...two years counts...and he has a plan. Wasn't there a ref to Kid winning races in school...good pick up Alice...Aw Big Dog tangle...and Heyes steals the girl! Cute story and very apropos of a false start. Best line ...“A Hannibal Heyes plan,” he said bitterly. “Can't go wrong. Huh!”...can just hear the echoes of Kid Curry from the future...good one.
Cornelia May...or as I'm now going to call you...Nelia...Hehehe..love these sneaky views inside someone else's writing space. C'mon sweetheart, you have a jem somewhere in that mind of yours, - we'd all love to hear that bit of encouragement...and you get cwtches too! lucky girl. I like that you've provided context...off to see Witchita Red with the bandanny...gives me hope they're getting back to Wales for a cwtch on their way...Haha wonder how far Kid got before he realised Heyes wasn't racing....OOOOh here he is.....tell you what I'll just hang on to him for a bit....just till Heyes catches up ...then I'll send them on to Witchita....honest....
Ghis....hay this name shortening is catching on....much easier on the poor spellers! Shortening names isn't the only thing going on around here.....where's the rest....ooooh its a demonstration of the False start.....CLEVER......How about a paragraph to set the scene next challenge....you see where I'm going with this...right? | |
| | | Cal
Posts : 252 Join date : 2016-01-06 Age : 65 Location : Wales UK
| Subject: Quick replies Mon Sep 12, 2016 3:17 am | |
| OOh just remembered...meant to answer some questions from last months feed back..Calico - Yes it's your Alex...of course its your Alex ...I love him too...and yes...how clever of you...Aiden is stripped to the waist...gleaming in the falling sun....is there another way to use a long sythe????? (Poldark can't keep him forever...when they film your stories....he'll be available I'm sure!) The smiling cowboy isssss Danny Bilson...again good pick up. Witchita Red got this one too but thought he was the dealer... (Nemisis? yes I'd say he was too)...The sything was a reference to death...but... The dark cloaked dealer...who Heyes never recognises...is himself....his dark side...his larcenous side...his depression daemon side of his psyche ...thats why he hears the compliment as if it's in his own head...why they are so well evenly matched and the game could go either way with the total destruction of one of the players....DEEP right...lol. Thanks for reading....and getting it! Ghislaine Emrys - Thanks for being interested enough to ask where this is from....makes my inner story teller do a little whoop!... The Long Road Back is from the Stories site....where the fabulous Virtual Season 2016 is currently airing... http://asjbuckshot.forumotion.com/ Its in General Stories by Cal...thread. Its not complete yet ...that's why I haven't put it in the new story announcement box yet. Its all plotted and will get done soon...but I was writing it for a very close AS&J friend who was fighting cancer and who has sadly passed recently...so had the wind taken out of my sails a bit...I'll get it done though ...she'll still want to know what happened! Then I'll pop a new story prompt on the site. | |
| | | Ghislaine Emrys Moderator
Posts : 669 Join date : 2012-04-22 Age : 39 Location : Arizona
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016 Mon Sep 12, 2016 1:24 pm | |
| Wichita Red: Well, yes, yes it certainly was a cliffhanger! Excellent start to a new continuing story! I really liked a lot of the phrases you used to create the setting and mood. My favorite was: ...these repeated attempts by various gunslingers, to start his cousin on the road to see their families, without him.
Alias Alice: Poor Jed! I had a feeling Heyes was going to come out the winner but I was hoping that Emily would express some concern for her dog injuring Jed. I bet that was the last time Jed took Heyes' advice on women: He seems to have done quite well going forward!
Cal: Enjoyed Heyes telling Kid how well he was at not thinking. These were great lines: “Years and years of practice …at not thinkin’!” Heyes proclaimed triumphantly. “Kid, you’re practically an expert!” Fun story! Is this a one-off story or will it be continued? I wasn't sure since you said everything would be explained tomorrow. :-)
Cornelia May: Very cute! It's fun to see Heyes and Kid in contemporary settings, interacting with challenge writers. Favorite line: Heyes came over and offered his hand to help me up out of the office chair; wasting no time I took his hand. I enjoyed this! | |
| | | Ghislaine Emrys Moderator
Posts : 669 Join date : 2012-04-22 Age : 39 Location : Arizona
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016 Mon Sep 12, 2016 1:47 pm | |
| Cal: Thanks for filling me in about your story. I will check it out soon. (Along with all the others I've missed.) Ahh, Poldark -- I did get that reference! I'm going to a sneak preview of Season/Series 2 next week -- we don't get it until Sept 25th in the U.S. And ever since the site I used for watching TV shows online for free disappeared and the replacements are iffy in terms of security/viruses, I haven't been able to watch all my fav British shows anymore. Sad, as I don't want to miss even just the few minutes PBS cuts from its broadcast.
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| | | LittleBluestem
Posts : 41 Join date : 2013-12-08 Age : 64 Location : USA
| Subject: Applause, Applause Mon Sep 12, 2016 3:43 pm | |
| Alias Alice -- I always enjoy stories of the boys' boyhoods and this was a great one. Poor Kid, couldn't catch a break even back then. That Hannibal Heyes seems to come out on top even when he's not trying. And in Kid's defense, that teacher should have yelled, "Stop!" not "No!" It sounds too much like go. No wonder little Jed made a false start! I suppose it is only fair that Kid got his own heart broken before he began his illustrious career breaking the hearts of so many others!
Cal -- This is a fun story! Again, the Kid gets (a little bit of) the brunt of Heyes's wit, what with Heyes calling him an "expert" of thinking about nothing. But, oh Dimpled One, thinking of nothing is not the same as not thinking! And it isn't easy! (I have been trying to learn to meditate lately. Maybe I need Kid to give me lessons...!) So will we ever find out if there is indeed water beneath the 'X'...?
Cornelia May -- Oh my, no wonder you can't get anything written with those two hanging around pestering you! At least Heyes was somewhat helpful...
Ghislaine -- I think we should include your "fluff" in the poll! It is inspired. An elegant example of false starts. Bravo! | |
| | | Penski Moderator
Posts : 1804 Join date : 2012-04-22 Age : 62 Location : Northern California
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016 Mon Sep 12, 2016 6:57 pm | |
| Cal – Oh, a water witch! We could use a few of those in California. Love Heyes’ persistence and realizing how the Kid would be better at it. Loved the lines about Kid trying to decide who to pretend he was calling out and the reason why he stopped walking towards it. Good challenge!
Cornelia May – So that’s why the boys were delayed coming to my house before going to Wichita and the Kid arrived first. Cute story!
Ghislaine – What?! YOU wrote a challenge?! Be still, my heart! LOL… okay, that’s an English major kind of story. Loved it!
_________________ h "Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
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| | | Cornelia May
Posts : 78 Join date : 2013-01-10 Age : 28 Location : Gettysburg, PA
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016 Wed Sep 14, 2016 6:22 am | |
| Ghis- This challenge sounds like my mom when she's trying to tell me where something is lol. I also like that I got somewhat of an English lesson from this fluffy little bit of dialogue. Nice job. _________________ "The only thing in life you have to earn is love, everything else you can steal." ~Hannibal Heyes
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| | | Alias Alice
Posts : 186 Join date : 2013-04-02 Location : Yorkshire, UK
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016 Fri Sep 16, 2016 11:49 pm | |
| I haven't been able to read the Forum much lately, for various reasons, and I had forgotten what good writers you all are! Stop whatever else you're doing and write a book!
WichitaRed: Let us know immediately when your book is written! - I loved this confrontation between Kid and the boy especially as Kid felt he was "looking years back in a mirror". Loved phrases like "a skunk stripe". Loved Heyes's reactions. Loved it all! More, please.
Cal: Enjoyed this humorous challenge. I like the way that Heyes teases Kid all the way through. (Such as calling him "a master of not thinking")! And Kid's reactions. Very funny picture of their relationship!
Cornelia May: Very funny and enjoyable. I loved this very original challenge. Loved "what am I supposed to do in this break - go fishing?" Also loved how Heyes manages to 'lose' the Kid!
Ghyslaine: What clever idea for a 'false start' challenge. Good to read! | |
| | | Calico
Posts : 873 Join date : 2012-04-22 Age : 59 Location : Birmingham
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016 Fri Sep 30, 2016 10:30 am | |
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1) WichitaRed
It is our current bandanny wearer!! And, a kind and lovely winner who sent us all a nice update on how the boys were enjoying their time in Wichita. Though, as we know, something real bad happened there once.
Ohhh – I am loving the phrase ‘bellied up to a green top’ for sitting down to poker. (Surreptitiously makes note in case cat ever writes, ever again). Is this Billy the Kid?? Or am I just guessing all wrong. I think from the years I am all wrong. Poor Kid. None of us likes getting called old, huh? Second oooh… another one for the book, ‘just some cowhand who wears his rig like he knows the dance’.
Pom pom pom. So, will Kid continue to resist…? Tune in next challenge!!
2) Alias Alice
We have youngsters! I like ‘em as youngsters. And Hannibal is the delightful master strategist looking after Jed’s love life. Awwww.
Oh, Alice – what a meet cute you are setting up for our young blond lovely. For real romance, always add a pinch of loveable dog. But but but… Ah, she is a Heyesette. Well, she’s only human. That was really sweet.
3) Cal
What’s a water witch?? I guess I’ll find out. Oh, I guess the word divine shoulda been a clue. Duh. I’m a bit slow this evening.
So, Heyes is pretty sure Kid can achieve an empty mind more easily? I feel partner teasing hovering unsaid. I am loving the eyebrows giving away that thought processes are still – processing. Am also loving the narrators comment on the possible thoughts - and quailing - of the fence post.
4) Cornelia May
Dear boys, they do occasionally visit us to help with writers block. And to eat cake of course. HEY I got a name check! Beam!
Clever Heyes! Managing to ditch Whatshisname, y’know the other fella, and come back to lubricate your creative juices, Cornelia. Made me smile.
5) Ghislaine Emrys
Hey, Ghis! We all love fluff. And we sure seeing Kid come over all inarticulate. Awww.
6) Penski
Is this … Is this Heyes working out the putty and vacuum pump method??? It is!! You have to admit, the company claiming a safe was Heyes proof is kinda poking the tiger.
Love love love the note left in the safe.
I think Heyes earned that gloat.
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| | | Cal
Posts : 252 Join date : 2016-01-06 Age : 65 Location : Wales UK
| Subject: False Start Fri Sep 30, 2016 12:05 pm | |
| Penski - just checking for wire dodgers...and I found a perfect Penski gem of a challenge! WOW - I love how you fill the gaps...write in the obvious (after you've pointed them out of course) necessary bits that we all nod and go...yes that must be how that came about...and here's another one. How and why would Heyes go to all the bother and the math(s) to crack a P & H 78....duh...he was goaded into it! Brilliant...just brilliant...from the article at the begining... to the note at the end...and all the bits in the middle....thought it was prefect....well done well done well done! GRRRRRRRRRR......pathetic mumbling from behind sofa .... what's that Cal?....thought you were in with a chance this month.....you'd look good in yeller......thought as Witchita's wasn't up for posting.....Ghis forgot to post at least 70% of hers....sorry old bean.... Penski's was prefect! | |
| | | BeeJay Admin
Posts : 581 Join date : 2012-04-21 Location : California
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016 Fri Sep 30, 2016 4:28 pm | |
| Originally posted by Alias Alice:
Penski, what a very, very enjoyable challenge you've written! So believable that Heyes would hate any suggestion that he can't do something he prides himself on! And what a cheeky note he wrote to the bank manager. Also very believable that he would. I particularly liked the line: 'So shoot me' from Kid when Heyes tells him off for being bored enough to keep cleaning the guns. But Heyes would be resourceful enough to solve a problem that was bothering him, as you showed.
_________________ I read part of it all the way through. Samuel Goldwyn | |
| | | Kid4ever
Posts : 221 Join date : 2012-04-22 Location : A GYPSY IN THE USA
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016 Fri Sep 30, 2016 6:19 pm | |
| WichitaRed:Definitely a lot of tension in this challenge story! Glad Kid's instincts remain fully intact even though Billie thinks Curry's "an old man," at least in one of his insults! Ouch! I like how you use the 'big dog, little' dog analogy. Pretty much sums up every gunfight the Kid's had. This was my other fav line from Kid: 'he has me a bit spooked though, ain’t for what he’s thinking, but because he’s like looking, years back, in a mirror.’ And now the readers wait... _________________ "My task, which I am trying to achieve is, by the power of the written word, to make you hear, to make you feel -- it is, before all, to make you see..." ~~ Joseph Conrad ~~ | |
| | | Kid4ever
Posts : 221 Join date : 2012-04-22 Location : A GYPSY IN THE USA
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016 Fri Sep 30, 2016 6:48 pm | |
| Alias Alice: Nice to see you back in the saddle and writing Aw, and you've even treated us to a childhood story - boyhood frustrations in "How to Get the Girl in One Easy Lesson," with instructions from older cousin, Heyes. Even back then he had grandiose plans. It sounded like a good plan but, sometimes 'the best laid plans of mice and Heyes often go astray.'Cal: "I read an article about a Wyoming Water Witch called Bert..." Ok, so just that little bit of a very enticing beginning got me hooked! So Heyes tried and now thinks Kid is the Water Witch? Hmm... Gotta love and appreciate the way Heyes thinks sometimes: “Years and years of practice …at not thinkin’!” Heyes proclaimed triumphantly. “Kid, you’re practically an expert!” "Come on Kid …you’re like some sort of …master of not thinkin’ …That’s a real talent! Oh, we have another cliffhanger - guess I'll be waitin' along with Kid to find out what's going on _________________ "My task, which I am trying to achieve is, by the power of the written word, to make you hear, to make you feel -- it is, before all, to make you see..." ~~ Joseph Conrad ~~
Last edited by Kid4ever on Fri Sep 30, 2016 11:18 pm; edited 1 time in total | |
| | | Kid4ever
Posts : 221 Join date : 2012-04-22 Location : A GYPSY IN THE USA
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016 Fri Sep 30, 2016 7:53 pm | |
| Cornelia May: Nice to see you dipping your tootsies back into the writing pool, too And it's even nicer to have Heyes and Kid hanging around, offering suggestions and prompting you to write! Good little nod to the boys getting the bandana to WichitaRed, as well. I imagine she's ready and waiting Glad Heyes was able to help you figure out a way to dissipate those awful writer's block symptoms! And I'll even give you for not making me wait for another cliffhanger - I'm not sure my heart or my patience will last! You've got a fun, creative and original challenge story all tied up by the end of it with a nice big bow. Ghislaine: And uh, "Howdy Do" to another familiar face. Wait - no, um, I uh mean, it's great to see you here. Yeah, that's it. Big sigh. Phew, sometimes it hard to remember what it was I was gonna say. Now my mind's filled with fillers. However, I DO want to tell you that I was glad to see your name in here with everyone and giving us a treat with your "fillers." Even little things like them have a place in our writing world. _________________ "My task, which I am trying to achieve is, by the power of the written word, to make you hear, to make you feel -- it is, before all, to make you see..." ~~ Joseph Conrad ~~ | |
| | | Kid4ever
Posts : 221 Join date : 2012-04-22 Location : A GYPSY IN THE USA
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016 Fri Sep 30, 2016 8:51 pm | |
| Penski: Nothing like getting Heyes' attention right off the bat. Awww... Kid was the one who got shot - does he need some TLC? Darn, it's just his boot! (Can't blame a lady for tryin') Ah, so this is where the Bryant Pump got its start. Nice. You did a great job describing a complicated process and everything else in an understandable way. 1878 Pierce and Hamilton safe - way to go, Heyes! LOVE that note Heyes left - teach them to say he can't do something, right?
I'm also giving you a Thank you for giving me a few chuckles along with an original, finished challenge story that can stand on its own, not 'recycled' from something already written. ****Tcalleen: Howdy and Welcome to a new writer! Aw, we get a young Jed and Han. And at the ripe young age of ten, Han thinks he's had plenty of life, eh? Jed's pretty wise for an eight year old. Can cure LOTS of things, for kids as well as adults You did a great job with keeping Han and Jed "in character." They sounded like young HH & KC! You'd never know this was your "initiation" into challenge story writing. Looking forward to reading more from you. ****BeeJay: One preacher, almost a wedding, a funeral, Heyes, Kid, Georgette, Clem, a fainting lady... not to mention horses, a snake and Hungry, Hungry Henry. Awww, no - not Silky????? sniff It's always nice to have your friends around to keep ya straight! Great interactions with the characters. For such a somber occasion, this sure had me lol-ing a lot! Boy, talk about your false starts Another aww... this time Nice twist. You get as well I'm going to sub-title your challenge story: "Funny Things That Happen While Trying to Perform A Funeral." _________________ "My task, which I am trying to achieve is, by the power of the written word, to make you hear, to make you feel -- it is, before all, to make you see..." ~~ Joseph Conrad ~~ | |
| | | Penski Moderator
Posts : 1804 Join date : 2012-04-22 Age : 62 Location : Northern California
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016 Fri Sep 30, 2016 9:18 pm | |
| Tcallen – Oh, first time to post a story! Wasn’t it scary pushing that “Post” button? I was terrified and thrilled at the same time when I did it back in Feb 2008. A challenge here was my first fanfic, too, with Han and Jed. Once I started, I never stopped. Well, I missed writing a challenge once on Oct 2015. Okay, your story… You wrote a Han and Jed story, too! Very descriptive and the boys sound like them, too. I can see a Han feeling the need to write his memoirs. Love Jed’s comment, “Dontcha have to have some first?” and ma saying Han coulnta lived more than one piece of paper. Wonderful ending. Great first fanfic. I can’t wait to read more from you. My heart be still… Ghislaine AND BeeJay wrote challenges this month! BeeJay – A funeral for Silky?! Oh, it’s not starting out well with the preacher blotching it up. Loving the horse neighing as he’s about to talk. Ugh, a snake! Thank goodness, Kid Curry was around. So much chaos! Loved the references to Calico’s child stories. Silky was known for his good works, strong faith, and for being charitable? Silky! Only Silky would pay for a funeral to see who his true friends are. Loved it, BeeJay!! Have missed your stories. _________________ h "Do you ever get the feeling that nothing right is ever going to happen to us again?" - Kid Curry
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| | | Calico
Posts : 873 Join date : 2012-04-22 Age : 59 Location : Birmingham
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016 Sat Oct 01, 2016 12:00 am | |
| Wire dodger!!! Sneaking in while I sleep :) | |
| | | Calico
Posts : 873 Join date : 2012-04-22 Age : 59 Location : Birmingham
| Subject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016 Sat Oct 01, 2016 12:03 am | |
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7) Tcalleen
Hello and many welcoming purrs to a new writer. The challenge always loves to see a newbie dipping a paw.
And we have them as youngsters. Beam. Yes, I can just imagine a self satisfied little Han starting his memoires. After all, why should he deprive the world of his opinions? Has little Han got writers’ block – well, I guess we can all sympathise with that. Awwwwww!! Smiling away here. Bless them both.
.
8) BeeJay
Beejay!! Out to play in the challenge. Waves happily across the pond. Loving the confiding young parson sharing a few conjugal secrets as he finds his notes.
Hey! I got another name check. Hmmm… eyebrow rises… children get big eyes and kittens lift appealing paws and let their whiskers tremble. Know your target audience, that’s what I say.
Know what I think? I think Silky is not in that coffin. I think a mysterious dapper stranger will appear. Mind you, what do I know?
Adoring the discussion on the photograph’s – that’s THE photograph – potential transfer of ownership.
Tah Dah! There he is.
Oh, Beejay – you do know the way to our funny bones don’t you. Silky – four real true friends is not to be sniffed at. Even in Skunk Valley.
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| | | Cal
Posts : 252 Join date : 2016-01-06 Age : 65 Location : Wales UK
| Subject: wire dodgers Sat Oct 01, 2016 4:17 am | |
| Yeh! two more wire dodgers...got back from my hols last night to an AS&J veritable feast!...and VS from Moonshadow in the morning... feeling spoilt...TCalleen...Welcome....welcome...Loving your style of writing... Han’s face scrunched in concentration again, and he put the end of the pencil to his mouth....I can really see them two small boys with their fishing poles...Han all serious...Jed curious... I’m 10, Jed – I’ve had plenty of life! You just don’t understand, since you’re only 8. Hah...the bain of every younger sibling's life, no matter what you do you're always gonna be younger...I agree with Kid4ever...these are definitely Heyes and Kid in child form...well done the voices are just right... It’s okay, Han, maybe that just means that you haven’t had enough ‘grand adventures’ yet ...ain't that right. Even a Heyes plan at ten involved explosions huh?! Really enjoyed that TCalleen...looking forward to seeing more from you... BeeJay...BeeJay....BeeJay! Is that a young...The Preacher ...no...just a guileless young ....idiot! Mixing up a wedding and a funeral Loving the crowd...many old faces there.. Kid rolled his eyes, Clem fidgeted and Heyes, right side of Georgette, coughed into his hand to cover what threatened to be a laugh. ...loving the grinning preacher...false start indeed. This is pure farce...Kid shooting the snake...fainting woman...Clem sniping at Georgette...the photo...brilliant..Awww Silky?... “Nope,” responded the Kid tersely.“You haven’t missed anything,” Heyes said, smiling. “We’re just getting started.”....I beg to differ boys...the snake..the faint?...loving this..packed with humour...shouldn't I be feeling bad about Silky? NO...cos there he is! perfect for an ornery son of a...pillar of the community...like Silky. Well done BeeJay that was a classic!where you going Cal?........................................................................................................................................................ my alter ego has crawled off to hang her head.....I'll buy her a duster......heheheheheheheeheheh | |
| | | LittleBluestem
Posts : 41 Join date : 2013-12-08 Age : 64 Location : USA
| Subject: Bravo to all Mon Oct 03, 2016 8:13 am | |
| Penski -- Loved your story! Great insight into Heyes's character. He would definitely NOT be able to resist that challenge! Very clever to begin with the newspaper clipping.
TCaleen -- Welcome to the fold! Enjoyed your story very much -- always fun to see the boys as little boys. I could picture little ten-year-old Hannibal trying to write his memoirs.
Beejay -- This was awesome! Absolutely brilliant all the way through. | |
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