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 Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Tue Apr 05, 2016 2:25 pm

Man, you guys give me chills with how much I LOVE LOVE the favorite stories submissions! Every one!

Calico-this is wonderful on so many levels. It's really the story of the Bauers and the regret that they will have to live with. I love how you so clearly showed Mr. Bauer's intelligence and insightfulness through his thoughts (which you set up beautifully right from the beginning with his observations on the new superintendent), even though his English was indeed stilted. But I can so easily see how this couple would have been such a good match for H&C-he would have not easily been manipulated by Heyes, and I think those 2 would have delighted in the brain of the other. Heyes-with books of his own-and I bet he would have learned German. His brain would be kept busy every day. Kid-fed and warm-with a sweet woman to care for him-with Heyes there too-he'd be happy immediately. Of course the Bauers don't know what they missed like we know, but since we do know just how Heyes and Kid would have thrived there, it's all the more sad for the Bauers. I love the exchange too between the Bauers about how Anna really won't be their mother...but she can mother them, let their clothes down, feed them. What a contrast with all the food and clothes and warm things she brought, and the boys 12 miles away, cold, hungry. And so skillfully written! Sometimes writers spell everything out for their readers, and I enjoy making the connections myself, especially when I'm drawn to reading a story several times to really think through all the angles of the characterization. I like how you left H&C as flat characters here-it really works because WE know them, so we fill in just why this was such a tragedy for everyone.

Maz-oh, wow. You caught me by surprise with that "55 years old" comment, that they are still repeating this scene after so many other times. But that's right-without the amnesty, and with the reward still in place, heck, I'd go after 55 year old outlaws who don't generally kill people before going after 20 year old outlaws who do. But what I love about this story is that it's not plot driven, it's not just another scene where they are stuck. You really captured who they are and how I can picture them being with each other after another 25 years together. The humor, the knowing each other so well, and the exact way that they'd each say things, you just completely got it. I hear their voices in my head, and I like too that while you alluded to the show ("mayor's daughter" for example) you didn't just repeat the show and it's lines. You wrote some great, new, "classic" lines: “Any of ‘em fall out since you checked two minutes ago?” “What, you didn’t believe you’d been shot?” "You know your bedside manner could use some work." And you didn't make it sentimental. The sentiment is there, obviously, but it's as it should be.

RosieAnnie-yep, another story where I distinctly hear the narrator's voice in my head! Boy, I hear EVERY WORD said in that perky voice! And I believe it-Lom would be bowled over by her. I love how she ran with her parents being gone and just did what she wanted, all the while acting the obedient daughter! Perfect! She's so passive-aggressive. And just like how I'd picture her-like someone else commented, it fits so well with the feel of the pilot when she makes all those statements with the double meanings but appears to not get any of them. And then all her comments like this: "We spent our first night as man and wife in the guest suite at home. I told Lom I knew it’s what you would have wanted." Snort. She totally knows just how that will get her parents when they read this!

Sistergrace-I don't usually like dialogue because it often feels so stilted and isn't quite right anyway, but you got it: "one o’ them stage shows they got over to Tombstone." That "to Tombstone" - someone who didn't really know the dialogue would have written "at Tombstone" or "in Tombstone." I also love this of Kid: "He tipped his hat with one finger, like he was greetin’ a real lady or somethin’. Then he smiled." MAN, how many times have I watched him do that hat tip and that smile? Not enough :)

Sigh of content happiness, everyone.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Tue Apr 05, 2016 9:54 pm

April’s One Hundred Challenge

Cal – I can’t wait to read the rest of this story.  Heyes and the Kid sure can find themselves in a pickle.  It is ‘unbelievable how Heyes and Curry survived all these years’ (cute line).  Looking forward to properly meeting Nathaniel & Caleb and seeing how the boys get outta this mess.  Wonderful!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Tue Apr 05, 2016 9:59 pm

LOVING this walk down memory lane!!! wow


EXTRA 100th Month Special Challenge

Calico’s The Choice – This one is bittersweet.  I feel for the Bauer family and for Han & Jed, who didn’t feel they had a choice if they wanted to be together.  Both parties made choices that didn’t bode well for them… well, the Bauers did decide on both boys, but it was too late.  The dialog was wonderful.  Love this one!

Maz’s Defensive Position – This challenge hit the gut back then and still does today.  What a sad existence for such a long time!  Thankfully they had each other.  Great dialog, as usual, Maz!  I swear you’re typing as they talk to you.  Great challenge!

Rosie Annie’s Letter (which challenge prompt was this from?) – I forgot about this one, but certainly enjoyed the glimpse into Caroline Porter’s life and her romance with Lom.  Was great seeing these two get together!  I always loved this gal and you really sounded just like her.  Thank for the awesome journey!

Sister Grace’s Horses – LOVED this little gal, her dreams, her dialog, and her falling in love with a handsome cowboy.  Of course, most of us fell for that smile, those eyes, the hat tipping, and, sigh, that gait.  What a wonderful challenge!

Hanna Heyes’ The Hidin’ Place - Wow, I can’t imagine how difficult writing just dialogs for five folks so that the reader could easily guess who was talking.  Amazing!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Wed Apr 06, 2016 7:45 am

Cal: I enjoyed how our heroes critiqued the 'other' guys and cheered them on. Now I'm wondering what happened to poor Haff. Will Heyes and Curry help him? Will the posse turn their attention to our ex-outlaws? Enquiring minds want to know, LOL.

Alias Alice: Personally, I think the Kid got lucky here. Rosa was too wrapped up in herself to listen to his concerns. Too bad it took someone else's misfortunes for her to wise up and realize he had her best interests at heart.

MoulinP: Shoe stew? I laughed out loud at Wheat wondering what might be stuck to those shoes. Heyes knew exactly how to get his men's attention on the job at hand and how to sell his plan, but he didn't count on his men's skills or lack thereof. Lucky it all worked out for them.

Ty: Cute tale with Kid and Haze. Love Farmer Briggs.

Penski: That cowardly sheriff put poor Heyes through a lot of stress but, fortunately, it all worked out in the end.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Wed Apr 06, 2016 9:11 am

Cal - I'm intrigued to know how Caleb and Nathaniel ended up with Heyes and Curry. Loved the line about 'how had Heyes and Curry survived so long'. Since one of them can speak to the Indians, will they help the boys out? Hoping to find out soon!

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PostSubject: Cals 100   Wed Apr 06, 2016 4:10 pm

Cal - I'm definitely intrigued and want to read more. Who, where, and why are Caleb and Nathaniel hanging out with Heyes and Kid. 100 Indians, let's hope Caleb has a silver tongue in Spanish and Navajo.
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PostSubject: 100 Favorite Story   Wed Apr 06, 2016 4:16 pm

Hanna Heyes - I don't know if I ever read this before but I did certainly enjoy it. I had no trouble at all following the dialogue and who was speaking. Writing a story using only dialogue is a real talent, one I am in awe of since dialogue for me is the hardest part of the story to write (along with picking names of people and places). It was very well done! applause

Inside Outlaw - Loved it. Cracking a brand new safe of a hated RR is just the kind of revenge Heyes would fully appreciate. Heyes was more the genius of taking advantage of opportunities that the great planner he thought he was and this story gave him a perfect opportunity. Good quote from Samuel Johnson at the end. Thanks, this was new to me. panda
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Thu Apr 07, 2016 8:46 pm

MORE Extra 100th Month Special Challenge   wow


BeeJay’s The Waiting Room – I confess that to me BeeJay + Challenges = The Waiting Room.  This challenge took my breath away!  It stayed with me for over a week.  I have a feeling Heyes will join the Kid soon.  The survivor guilt he has to be feeling would be incredible.  Many thanks for writing this one, BeeJay!  applause

Skykomish’s Dead Man’s Bluff – YAY! - you joined the festivities!  I was sure hoping you would.  I really do miss you and your ASJ stories!  First person is a difficult story and the plot of this challenge had to make it double difficult.  What a dark theme and sad ending!  I have to ask… Was there a Jude on the Quantrill gang?  As dark as Jude was, you portrayed a dying mother as a beam of light to all around her.  What lovely words she left her son.  So true about revenge.  She must have known her son well and how tempting revenge would have been.  (deep breath)  I love this challenge!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Fri Apr 08, 2016 9:17 am

I've only been away a few days and what a treat...you do not need me to tell you how fab these best of the best stories are.  I'm having an absolute ball reading some for the first time and re visiting others like old friends. You're taking us all on an emotional roller coaster. If your a writer that has gone a bit quiet on here of late and don't know whether or not to join in
PLEASE
                           PLEASE
                                                 PLEASE DO!

               For the Jonny come latelys of the group this is soooooo fab bronc
                                                    All the best stories in one place cowboy

THANK YOU
THANK YOU
THANK YOU
                                                                                                                                                                   Calx
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Fri Apr 08, 2016 2:26 pm

100 Extra Challenge/Favorites

InsideOutlaw - I really enjoyed this story. I could only remember a small part of it so I'm glad you posted it. There's no way Heyes could let that safe sit there all night by itself. Even though you didn't write a whole lot about Paulson, he was a character one loves to hate and I'm glad Heyes had some fun with him. Loved the note left in the safe. I would've liked to been there to see the reaction when Paulson opened it up.

Beejay - Good to see one from you. This was very sad and hard to read once one figured out what was going on. Heyes probably won't be too far behind him. The grief would be overwhelming. Very well written.

Skykomish - A very poignant story. Jude is a perfect character to hate. Loved what the Mother said and the scripture quoted to her son. I liked that the writer of the story found something he didn't think existed and also where he found it. I wonder how far Heyes would've went if Kid hadn't stopped him. Really enjoyed this.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Sat Apr 09, 2016 2:13 am


100 CHALLENGE



Calico
What a serious and moving story. So sad to think of the family life they all missed and that would have made such a difference to Heyes' and Kid's future. I understand why this is a personal favourite.

Maz
I am your biggest fan! I always used to look forward to your stories on the now sadly-defunct Pete Duel Site. And this story! - The last line says it all - how the relationship is so close that nothing need be said.

RoseAnnie
So unusual to have chosen this letter-style of story. I did enjoy reading this romance.

Sistergrace
Brilliant picture of the young girl who speaks! Feel as if I know her. And nice to see Kid in a new light - how he comes across to a stranger, as kind, friendly, polite - and devastatingly attractive, of course!

HannaHeyes
Laughed aloud a number of times reading this! For lines such as: "Well, Wheat, bears need their fibre too!" Very good story!

InsideOutlaw
Interesting picture of Heyes - how he doesn't like to give up, how he's a perfectionist, how smart he is, his attention to detail!

Beejay
What a strikingly original story this is, with its shock ending. And it brings out the close relationship of the boys. Loved it.

Skykomish
A beautiful and inspiring story. I shall read this again and again.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Sat Apr 09, 2016 12:25 pm

Alias Alice - I enjoyed this story about a teenaged Han and Jed. Heyes was already watching out for Kid and making decisions about jobs. I too would have liked to heard Jed's explanation as to where babies come from.

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PostSubject: Best of 100 Challenges   Sat Apr 09, 2016 4:01 pm

Bee Jay - The Waiting Room - You are another writer who I don't usually associate with angst. This story served up angst big time! I remember reading this an being stunned. First by how good it was, second it was the first time I every read a fanfic involving the death of one of the partners, and third by how much the story affected me and how long it stayed with me. When I realized what had really happened, who the saloon's occupants were and where the saloon was it hit hard in the tear ducts - and still does. My heart goes out to Kid, he has every right to be angry, but more so for Heyes, the guilt and grief must be overwhelming.Very clever writing and clearly one of the best of the best.

P.S. I seem to recall an equally moving and brilliant companion piece from Heyes' point of view or is that only wishful remembering?

skykomish - Dead Man's Bluff - This was such a moving story then and now. It is hard to write in first person and capture dialect and the inner voice of the narrator, which you have done very well. There was a lot learned and taken to heart that day in the worthy moral of your story. Thank you for the reread.

Alias Alice - Counting Chickens This was new to me and it was great. Loved young Kid and Heyes stories and this was a fun one. Really would have loved to follow Jed and Janney around and Heyes was at his young best, teasing Jed and getting to act responsible.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Sat Apr 09, 2016 8:24 pm

nm131 - I felt so much sympathy for Kid throughout this story. He thinks he's doing the right and only thing he can to help Heyes. (I don't agree with him :) Imagine how mad Heyes is going to be when he finds out. I wouldn't want to be Lom at that moment. This was great for a first time ASJ story. (I also read the ending you posted and was very happy the way things turned out!)

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Sat Apr 09, 2016 9:09 pm

Best of 100 Challenges

Alias Alice’s Counting Chickens – I love stories with the boys in their teen years. It was a rough start, but they fit well into this family if even for a short time. Love how little Janey fell for Jed. He had a way with the “women” at such a young age. Too bad George interrupted Jed’s explanation of where babies come from since I would have loved to hear that along with Heyes (yes, I already know where they come from). Really enjoyed reading this challenge again! sm

Nm131’s Starter Paragraph – When I think of nm131, I think of Terms – what an epic! When I heard about this special challenge I was thinking (and hoping) you’d pick Term’s Decision, the beginning of a long tale. Very sad tale knowing the consequences to Kid’s decision. It was a very well thought out plan. Too bad he didn’t share it with his partner, but then there wouldn’t have been a Terms. Thanks for the trip down memory lane… now I have to reread the rest of the epic, again!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Sat Apr 09, 2016 9:11 pm

Extra Challenge from Spill Area...

Nm131’s Invitation – Another favorite challenge of yours that I love.  Love how you posted the beginning and, in a way, the ending of Terms in two challenges.  One is so devastating and the other lets us know everything turned out okay in the end.  (I do love that other little story of yours telling of the end to the partnership.)  Wonderful how you were able to tell us just enough about how everyone turned out and introduced us to the new Curry family.  Great how Joshua Curry is the spitting image of his uncle Heyes.  Clapping!
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PostSubject: ONE HUNDRED special   Sun Apr 10, 2016 2:57 am

Maz - I love your writing - think I read your whole site in just a few weeks last year - but this one haunted me way after I finished it. I've just read the antidote - nm131 (from the overspill area) so I can now appreciate this, for the powerful piece of writing it is and still sleep nights.

Rosie Annie - I found this thread enchanting.  You made that story come alive in some pretty heavily veiled jottings to her devoted mother.  I watched the whole romance blossom. Saw every awkward emotion on Lom's face.  What a fab idea and so well executed.

Sister Grace - I too was an eleven year old working horses for other people - desperate for my own - and knowing I'd never have one. I can soo relate to your protagonist.  And again what a cool way to view the Kid. (I got my horse BTW - a twelve year old, retired, nation hunt race horse, called Joe - Hit full gallop every time he heard a bell and thought he could jump anything - how I lived to grow up is anyone's guess!)

HannahHeyes - I adored reading this - Love the dialogue - I see all the action like its a film taken from a script. Sometimes I think I should just go through stories with a red pen and leave the action up to the director in the readers mind.  Well you did a fine job here and I'm definitely on the hunt for more of your writing.

Insideoutlaw - Stories from their outlaw days never get old for me - this is a ride like one of the episodes - I was casting it with AS&J regulars whilst I was reading - even had Monty in the background. Cracking good read with a fab punch line.

BeeJay - This is brilliant but  - like Maz's - its one that haunts you - again this is the one that stayed with me after I'd read a pile of your stories one after the other. I'm going to have to read nm131's overspill antidote again now for solace. I can see why you chose it - powerful stuff.

skykomish - This was a difficult read - litterally (dyslexic)- because of the idiom - is that the right word - but so glad I persevered - what an interesting point of view and I love that we see the same protagonists in two different time periods - I think I'm trying to say I was very impressed with the way you tied all this together - real kudos!

Alias Alice - I know I've read this before because as I started it the whole story flooded back - good sign that it had touched the old heart strings - not in a sentimental way mind - this could have gone all Waltons on you but you injected just enough peril with the baby coming and guns being wielded and just enough humour - at Kids expense as ever - to make it a really good story without smaultz.

nm131 - Oh dear - think I'm going to have to read this one from behind the sofa - its a wonderful plot idea - and from what the others say you developed it and wrote a longer piece - Thank goodness you posted in the overspill area - I'm too much of a coward to read on without knowing how things worked out. - Thanks for posting both the stories. You're now my go to antidote for the angst fest crew.
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PostSubject: Cal's Favorite Extra 100 Challenge   Sun Apr 10, 2016 9:44 am

Cal - Fair's Day Work - When I rejoined the site, I started to catch up on everything I missed. You were one of the first who's work I read so this is fresh in my mind. I loved it then and still do. I like how in spite of Heyes' disapproval of Kid's plan he still cooperated despite the risky nature. And yeah, high noon would have been fantastic, if not a little cliche.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Sun Apr 10, 2016 10:56 am

Another Extra 100th Month Special Challenge   wow

Cal’s Fair Days Work – Glad you joined in on the festivities with your favorite challenge.  Doesn’t matter if you’ve only wrote 3 challenges.  This one is a good one.  What a Curry plan letting all would be robbers know who they’ll be facing if they try.  Would have made me think twice seeing Curry’s speed and accuracy.  And I’d have been sweating, too, being in Heyes’ place.  You KNOW he’s not gonna hurt you, but…  Very  good challenge and worthy to be in this best of the best.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Sun Apr 10, 2016 12:34 pm

Extra 100 Challenge

Cal - I loved the idea of Heyes and kid facing off in the street. You know Heyes couldn't help but be a little nervous. I wouldn't want to be on the business end of Kid's gun either. Great plan though to show would be robbers who'll be guarding the goods. Enjoyed it!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Sun Apr 10, 2016 7:31 pm

FrankieASJ - I remember reading this. It's a powerful piece showing maybe some regret or resentment on Kid's part. The simplest things can sometimes bring back the saddest memories. Being worried about Heyes doesn't help his mood either. I'd love to know how this turned out. I hope it was a good ending. Very well written.

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PostSubject: ONE HUNDRED special   Mon Apr 11, 2016 10:50 am

Frankie ASJ - That egg was a metaphor for so many things - their past, survival as runaways, larceny, survival on the dodge, anger, frustration the list goes on - what a deeply intelligent piece of writing. Stand out lines for me - puddling the last hopes of a new life at his feet - so many meanings in such a simple phrase  - and - His life was tainted enough already - so much more than a new stain on the sheepskin.  Really enjoyed reading this. Notice I'm ignoring you shooting Heyes...I'm not going to dwell on that unless you went and resolved the story with a happy ever after ending. Can't cope with angst!
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PostSubject: Extra 100 Challenge Ty   Mon Apr 11, 2016 5:42 pm

Ty - I'm new to your work and I am really appreciatin' your sense of humor (humour). Just loved Laughing

Wait! That’s not Heyes! What’s going on here?

Huggins – cut cut Kid – are you out of yoiur mind?

Kid - THAT SNOT HAZE!!! We have to have the real Heyes – the audience will be confused

Nope, not confused and yep, we need the real Heyes! sorrykitty dog18
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck comments - from 1st Nov 2015 to ...7th Oct 2016   Mon Apr 11, 2016 9:24 pm

Extra 100th Month Special Challenge    wow

Frankie’s Egg – Awww… dedicated to ME, your favorite Ms. Pesky?!  I bow to the Queen of Angst and love this challenge.  Just an egg but so many thoughts it brings up to the reflective Kid.  A sequel?  Heyes will make it, but just barely.  Kid may even think he dies at one point and gets angry about it.  Although, you HAVE killed the boys (shame on you)!  Excellent challenge, dear Angst One, and it’s wonderful how you lightened up the mood at the very end.  A coyote, huh?  I know a coyote that hangs around where Kid Curry is.

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PostSubject: ONE HUNDRED special   Tue Apr 12, 2016 1:20 pm

Ty Pender - Oh Ty - I'm crying laughing - this is fabulous - Heyes wallowing in angst - Kid with the bubbles in the bubbles - favourite line  - "snot Haze!"  - good grief did you do more like this? Oh and there's a big problem with the pici thats snot Haze - NO BUBBLES!
Thanks for posting - that was a scream Shocked happydog
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» A Mist Valley deck WITHOUT NINJAS. Let's make this work.

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Alias Smith and Jones Writers  :: The Writing Spot :: The Story Challenge :: Awestruck Comments-
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