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 Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15

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ty pender

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PostSubject: (pssttt... it's Heyes, not Hayes)   Tue Sep 09, 2014 8:52 am


Thanks Penski - I found and corrected two. Best Regards.
(pssttt... I have done a few of those in a former life)
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Tue Sep 09, 2014 12:20 pm

Ty pender I was reminded of Brad Paisley's song Long Sermon on a pretty Sunday by your challenge. Sitting there hoping it wouldn't go on too long and then..you get a mention!!

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ty pender

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PostSubject: Amen!   Tue Sep 09, 2014 2:54 pm

Yep, the boys got a little more excitement than they were expecting; and the preacher even got an "Amen" out of the Kid.

Here's another take on the tune (better fiddle):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=RLVRsS9St6s

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Wed Sep 10, 2014 7:18 am

Ty Pender: Wow, what vivid imagery and dialogue. I get the feeling you've sat through a few fire and brimstone sermons. Love Curry dreaming of his boyhood, escaping from church at the creek.

Maz: Yikes! All that laughter, and then tragedy. How could you leave us with that ending! I'm waiting for the next line, something like "ha ha fooled you!" When are you posting part 2?

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Wed Sep 10, 2014 12:45 pm

Part 2?
You guys think there should be a part 2? Rolling Eyes

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Sat Sep 13, 2014 1:14 pm

Ty Pender: My, but that preacher could preach. He had me sitting up a little straighter in my chair, too. Very clever tale and how ironic that it should be the sheriff who helps them out.

Maz: Aghh! Don't end it there!!! I was so pulled into the story, that it took me a moment to realize I'd reached the end. You're a cruel, cruel woman, Maz.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Sat Sep 13, 2014 2:07 pm

Inside Outlaw you do like to make Heyes suffer. Will it never end for the poor boys?

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ty pender

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PostSubject: Sweet Betsy...   Sat Sep 13, 2014 2:43 pm

InsideOutlaw -  It was fun to see your reference to Sweet Betsy; thanks for bringing some of the music of the period into our purview.  

Here is a nice rendition of the traditional lyrics:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tL3jeyVDBeM&list=PL9H9uWIEpYb4paoSWnJkNd6gAZS0LUaSp

I would imagine that what REALLY perked up Heyes was some of the bawdy lyrics, which are available here: scared

http://lcweb2.loc.gov/diglib/ihas/loc.afc.afc9999005.9903/enlarge.html?from=default

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Sat Sep 13, 2014 3:21 pm

Thanks for the links, Ty. It was fun to hear it again. I couldn't open the one with the bawdy lyrics, tho'. Is there another way to get into it?

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Sat Sep 13, 2014 3:23 pm

Inside Outlaw - Great descriptive writing - I almost took a shower feeling the mud oozing around me! Those three are more of a challenge than Heyes and Kid first thought it seems. Anxious to read the rest of the story!

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PostSubject: bawdy...   Sat Sep 13, 2014 3:50 pm

Inside Outlaw - The bawdy lyrics are XXX+ rated. Believe me, these guys didn't mess around scared

If you want THE link, PM me...

Regards.
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Sat Sep 13, 2014 4:04 pm

LOLOL, I guess I'll leave it up to my imagination. Thanks again, Ty!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Sun Sep 14, 2014 2:00 am

Ty Pender: Fun sequel.  Especially liked Heyes repeatedly jabbing Kid as he was daydreaming during the sermon.  Cute how they aren't comfortable with being thought of as paragons of virtue…wonder why?!  Favorite lines: "Please consider joining our little church.  We need honorable, godlike young men like you in this community.”  Yes, um, they certainly are gods to some of us here!  :-)

Maz: I can't believe you did that--how could you?!?  Here I was, chuckling at lines like these: “They let you know a train’s comin’.” “By doin’ what? Blowin’ the thing up?”  And then you go and get all serious and angsty at the end.  I hope you have the sequel already written!

InsideOutlaw: I thought early on there was going to be a resolution but No!  You have to torment us with a cliffhanger.  :-)  Very evocative writing here--I could really picture the landscape.  Favorite lines: "It was one thing when they made a fool of you, but making a fool outta me is gettin’ personal.”  “Always good to know you’ve got my best interests at heart, partner.”

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Wed Sep 17, 2014 4:45 pm

YAY... Maz edited her challenge to make it seem more complete making a wonderful challenge even better! Loved the proddy/scared Heyes and how Curry dealt with it all. Great ending!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Thu Sep 18, 2014 7:04 am

Yay Mistress Maz! You restored those beautiful brown eyes to their natural perfection! The dialogue between Kid and Kyle is full of tension. Kyle was right to get out of there at that moment. I wasn't sure what Kid was capable of either, but I wouldn't want to stick around to find out. And Heyes' last line is perfect.

Inside Outlaw: Not a very good day, and probably an uncomfortable night to follow! I can understand why Will and company took precautions, but, as Jim Croce said, "You don't spit into the wind," and that's just what they did . Figuratively, of course. Can't wait to see what happens next!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Thu Sep 18, 2014 12:43 pm

RosieAnnie - This really gave me the feeling this could be a prequel to your bigger story Astoria. Curious if you thought of that, too. Like the mentioning of the Tabscotts. LOVE how the Kid doesn't want to go back on their word and how important it is to him that they have always been known to keep their word. Heyes sure is using his silver-tongue to get around that one. Like how they talk about leaving behind Smith and Jones, too. What was Lom thinking? I don't think he was - had to come up with two names quick when Miss Porter came to his office and saw HH and KC. Very good challenge!

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Fri Sep 19, 2014 5:16 am

Penski, yes it did, once I was halfway done with it! The characters took over, and I was helpless to do anything but follow along with them.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Sat Sep 20, 2014 3:26 pm

Maz: Yay--there was more!!! This was a satisfying conclusion to your tale. You portrayed the partners' concerns realistically while keeping them in character as the hardened men they are. They were both frightened but kept those fears to themselves. Nicely done.thankyou

RosieAnnie: We all know how hard it is to keep your spirits up and your hopes alive when faced with difficult challenges day in and day out. That's part of the allure of these two outlaws; they're willing to sacrifice their comforts to chase a dream. But I always wondered how long they would be willing to suffer for a chance of amnesty. It makes perfect sense that they would be better off somewhere further away from the scene of their crimes and this does appear to be a precursor to your Astoria tale. Great conversations throughout this story and I love how you were victimized by your own characters into writing it. applause

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Sat Sep 20, 2014 4:47 pm

RosieAnnie I would imagine the boys contemplated amnesty and whether or not they were doing the right thing many times. Will Kid go along with Heyes come morning? I hope not. Doing a couple of burglaries after they gave Lom their word...oooh not a good idea.

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Wed Oct 01, 2014 10:12 am

1) Ty pender

First out of the pen this month, huh, Ty?? Good, good – the position of Wire Dodger extraordinaire is already taken.
Dear old Kid, day dreaming about fishing not only while he is being preached at, but – which is shocking – while ladies are trying to fan-flirt with him! Kid, when we waft our fans in your direction we expect your full attention!
Uh uh. Is someone about to undrape Heyes’ chicanery? ‘Cos he kinda likes to keep that covered.
Does anyone need to warn these folk maybe Deacon HH might not be the best choice for taking around the collection plate?
Oh boys, Ty has you preferring saloon company to that of honest women, fan flutters and feminine cooking!! It is almost as if Ty had an insight to the male mind not available to the rest of us… Oh. Goddit.

2) Maz

Ah – my very own Deputy!
I am LOVING the mental arithmetic which ends in ‘a lot’.
I am also loving blind HH’s response to ‘Watch Your Step’
“Heyes stood barefoot and jean-clad in the open doorway. His dark blue shirt was open to the waist, hair tousled from the pillow…”
Sheesh Maz – are you coming over to the dark side, or was that a pressie for me?? It was?? AWWWW – thank you. (OR maybe she is vote trawling amongst us dark gals)
Clever alternative take on ‘Flashback’ there, Maz.

3) InsideOutlaw

I remember – HH had been robbed. Oh, the irony of it all.
They have my sympathies with all those pesky insects.
AND – we have a quick flashback from Kid!! I was a-watching, Inside.
Loving Kid’s line: “It was one thing when they made a fool of you, but making a fool outta me is gettin’ personal.”
Inside – am I supposed to be kinda on the other three fellas side? ‘Cos I kinda am. They’re smart! So long as they give the hat back.
No! I think they should SELL the hat back and HH should consider it a bargain – because it came with a lesson thrown in.
Once he completely shakes off his hangover he will be much more philosophical about being robbed – I’m sure. A la ‘Night of the Red Dog’

4) RosieAnnie

By the way Rosie – am loving the ‘Writing Advice Cat’ on your avatar!!! Snirt.
Love the banter and the camp fire talk here. It is making me think of HH talking about Kid being a simple philosopher in ‘Smiler’.
Dear Heyes – “It’s not paranoid when they’re really out to getcha!”
Don’t do it Heyes! Slippery slope!
Oooh Rosie! Methinks you left us in the lurch there. You know the early 1970s mainstream telly rules – thieves cannot prosper. This ain’t HBO!! Smile.

5) Penski

Heyes and the Pussy Cat – one of my favourite scenes! He is so dang tasty.
LOVING the “Don’t tell me you… “ “You told me not to tell you…” exchange.
CLEVER – just skimming off a little money and shutting the safe behind them. Bit of a shame for the clerk who gets done for this ‘inside job’ – but, hey – you can’t make an omelette…
Loving our flash forward as it were – HH will figure out that Pierce and Hamilton.
Smart story, Penski. Very Heyes.


6) BeeJay

Hmmmm – when I got to Kid Curry not wanting the sacrifice of a hanky on his barely visible cut, I began to suspect that our Board Maitresse might just be sending up the hurt comfort genre a tad.
YES – Heyes is always responsible for everything because back at the orfling-anlage Kid was SO tiny and SO waif like that his big cousin / neighbour / stranger had to protect him. And Kid is NOT greedy – his fanficcly comic large appetite is actually a tragic throw back to his waif like hunger.

Joannb: Beejays story is NOT a rehash – it is simply compliant with FANON rules and so creates echoes that give we readers the familiarity we crave like a warm bubble bath.
SisterGrace: All re-use of other folks bunnies (unless they are confectionary bunnies) is the greatest compliment that can be paid.

Ty Pender: I would love some of your preferred chocolate – 185% chocolate content. However, it may be too rich be a chocolate bunny. Cacoa that concentrated would definitely set a hare running. (Calico expires at her own merry mammalian commenting.)

VERSION TWO
HEY – we ARE now flashing the orfanlige and I had NOT read ahead. I am a genie-puss.

WichitaRed: Methinks you are missing the cleverness of Beejays flashback which is inside HH’s head! His memory of heavy forests is a Freudian symbol of the wayward path his tragic early adolescence led him to. His father also yapped about trees while HH was in his cot. That lingers.
Ghislaine Emrys: I do not think the given comment really came from Ghislaine as it failed to point out the grammatical misuse of an ellipsis. Ghis – someone is taking your name in vain. I mean apart from me.
InsideOutlaw: Hey, don’t be talking about outlaws in a state of wood! This is a PG site.
RosieAnnie: Very true Rosie – unless the cut finger turns gangrenous and sends Kid into a high fever, during which Heyes can repeatedly be shown with concern darkening his dark eyes – darkly, Beejay is not really trying hard enough.

VERSION THREE
Now, come on Beejay – if you’re just going to be silly!

Remuda: Quite right Remuda! Sometimes I feel Beejay does not fully commit to the serious spirit of our shared hobby!
Penski: Aww, bless! You’d let her get away with any dang thing!
Maz: Nurse him? Well – that’s one word for it!
Calico: HEY – I am being mocked! Let us be clear – I dish it out! As for witty language – they don’t call me the witty kitty for nothing, y’know!
Kid4ever: Picture of a huge throbbing cut finger smilie.

VERSION FOUR
Much better. Everything is better with Merlot Metaphors. Let’s face it – Wining is the best remedy for Whining. And – Alternatively - Apt Alliteration
Prepare to find the simile ‘magically restored like a suit in a saddlebag’ – snaffled, snapped up, swiped, sneakily secreted, etc.
SNITTERING with laughter over here!
AND it is exactly 2999 words!!! You – YOU WOMAN – are a freaking genius. I love you.


7) Remuda

I am adoring the rehashed brief…
I am ADORING the Columbine correcting preamble…
Remuda – you are (nearly) as naughty as Beejay. You are also approximately 7 times more succinct! Will your tongue be out of your cheek for the next wire? Who knows?
Will your tongue be in an outlaw cheek… Nah, let’s not go there!
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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Wed Oct 01, 2014 10:50 am

I'd vote for Beejay but I wasn't mentioned! brb

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Wed Oct 01, 2014 2:10 pm

Bj...Kid's hurt???
thumbsup

Laughing Loved it

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Thu Oct 02, 2014 6:18 am

Penski: Excellent use of the prompt. Nice to see Heyes lose at poker once in a while. Hey, it's got to happen, even to the best, right? Loved the dialogue between Heyes and Curry when they're in the hotel room, especially how Heyes tosses out ideas and Curry methodically thinks them through and finds the flaws or gems in them. That really shows how the partnership between the two is so successful.

BeeJay: What can I add, since I've already served as a beta on this story? lol2 One of the most creative, original stories I've seen in a long, long time. I truly did Laugh Out Loud. Well done! two thumbs

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PostSubject: Re: Awestruck Comments... from 13th June 14 to... 1st Nov 15   Fri Oct 03, 2014 11:53 am

Ty Pender - That was a fun "flashback," both the flashback to your previous VS and flashback Kid has within this challenge.  This Sister recognizes a Preacher when she hears one, and Mr. Pender, I believe you may have missed your calling.  The closing line is very appropriate coming from our favorite outlaws.  

Consider Heyes' and Curry's comments mine as well:

“That was mighty fine preaching sir – you really struck a chord.”  The Kid took the preacher’s hand, briefly, “That was, uh, inspirin’ pastor, sir."
gonefishing



Maz - I read this challenge both before and after your edit.  I am REALLY glad you chose to go with the second version.  The final line is applause-worthy!  Well done!
bandit

InsideOutlaw - Good continuation, I.O. I enjoyed the booby-trapped trail as well as Curry's singing.  Loved these lines:

“Kid, you’re killing me here,” whined Heyes.


“Nope, you did that all on your own.”
two thumbs


RosieAnnie - This is very good, Rosie.  It feels like this is the prelude to the "Giving Up" story you are working on currently.  Nice flashback to Matt Tabscott too.  Well written and very enjoyable. applause


Penski -  I like this flashback especially since it points to the famous flashback Heyes had in an episode. Kid is pretty smart when he tells Heyes they don't want the Texas Rangers on their tails.  A well thought out Heyes/Curry plan!  Great challenge, Penski! wow


BeeJay -
(When Grace's friend, the coyote, heard that the whole gang was getting in on the commenting for BeeJay's latest challenge, she insisted that Grace post her comments too.)

Version I -
sistergrace:  I have a confession.  I was eating chocolate while I read this.  (72% Ghirardelli Twilight Delight, Ty, in case you were wondering.) candyv

coyote:  Aaawwwooo!!!  wolf

Version II -
sistergrace:  Valparaiso was in Kansas? cow2
 
coyote: Aaawwwooo!!!   wolf

Version III -
sistergrace:  See, I knew Valparaiso wasn't in Kansas. desert
coyote:  Aaawwwooo!!!   wolf

Version IV -
sistergrace: Heyes wore a bandana?  Sheesh, I never noticed. cigar
coyote:  Aaawwwooo!!!   wolf

Overall rating -
sistergrace:  This story was, um... somethin', BeeJay.  scratch  Favorite line: Where are the smilies?
coyote:  Aaawwwooo!!!   wolf


Remuda - Well, that qualifies as anything BUT boring!  I presume this challenge will be coninued, unless the DHG has truly been blown to smithereens!
minz

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PostSubject: Comment, sans mammal   Sun Oct 05, 2014 6:09 pm

Calico said:
Ty Pender: I would love some of your preferred chocolate – 185% chocolate content. However, it may be too rich be a chocolate bunny. Cacoa that concentrated would definitely set a hare running. (Calico expires at her own merry mammalian commenting.)

According to my calculation, the resulting chocolate content of 90% Columbian blended with 95% Brazilian would be 92.5%.

That is:

90/100 + 95/100 = 185/200 ÷ 2 = 92.5/100 = 92.5%.

Cheers, to your good health and humor.
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